Days of Our Past
by Lee Totema
Summary: Third Part. Kirkwall, the City of Chains. I may not have been able to stop him in Amaranthine but I have another chance and many others to change things. The future can't be set right? Self Insert. Rated M to be safe. On break.
1. Act 1 Start

In a dark room with only the light coming from a sun roof up above, sat a dwarf in front of a table. He had a chiseled jaw with stubble, his hair in a small ponytail and three piercings in his ears. He had no beard but, instead, had a glorious piece of chest hair coming out of his shirt. The woman before him with the black armor and eye carved in her breast plate paced in front of him. She had two scars, one long one on her left cheek and another smaller one on her right cheekbone.

"You are telling me that Hawke had to ally herself with smugglers to continue living in the city?"

"That's the truth Seeker." She glared openly at him. The door to their interrogation room opened when one of her soldiers came with a bundle of small books.

"What else Varric?" She asked, grabbing the books. She put a few underneath her arm, took one in her hand and flipped the pages.

"Well Hawke served them for a year, paying off her Uncle's debt. She got a noticeable reputation in the underworld during that time. Once she was free, she went off to try her hand in getting her mother out of the slums. She came to my brother Bartrand, in order to see if she can get hired as a sell sword, down into the Deep Roads. That's when I first met Hawke. I had to stop a cut purse from taking the little money she had. Junior couldn't believe that I wanted Hawke as a partner on the expedition. Sunshine was more than happy to jump into the bandwagon." The Seeker looked at him as she flipped through more of those pages. Varric thought they looked familiar but he couldn't tell with the low light.

"Go on." She said, pacing slowly. Varric couldn't hide his curiosity to the books she held.

"Well after having her agree with me, she asked me to go with her up to the Dalish that were at Sundermount to complete her oath to the witch."

"Flemeth, the witch of the wilds." She said plainly.

"The one and only. Of course our arrival wasn't as kind as you would think. The Dalish clan never liked humans then. Once we were taken to the Keeper, she asked her first, Daisy, to lead us where the amulet was to be placed."

"Merrill."

"Daisy. We had a few…heated discussions between her and her clan as we made our way up the mountain. It was hard too, can you imagine me and my legs going up a mountain in winter?" The Seeker looked at him with no humor in her eyes. Varric sighed. Cassandra was tough to crack. "So the usual way was blocked by a landslide. We had to go through a perilous cave with spiders and undead in the way. Naturally, Hawke and her entourage that consisted of Daisy, Junior, Sunshine, and I were all able to kill them quickly."

"Then you learned that Merrill was a blood mage."

"Yes. The path was blocked by a magical barrier and Daisy had to cut open her hand for the power to break it. Sunshine and Hawke were not happy about it one bit. Junior seemed to let it slide. We made our way toward the graves where we had to fight with an Arcane Horror that summoned more undead. You would know about them right?" Cassandra scoffed. "After we used our amazing abilities to re-kill them, Daisy went ahead with her Dalish prayer and summoned Flemeth, or Asha'Bellanar as she called her."

That's when Cassandra dropped what she was carrying and put them in front of Varric. His eyes widened.

"Where did you get these?" Varric growled.

"Does it matter?"

"These belong to a very good friend of mine, a friend that hates it when you even look at these. Now I won't continue until you tell me. Where. Did. You. Get. These?" Varric growled and glared at Cassandra.

"These were given to me by Talen."

"The Grey Warden mage?"

"And Defender of Denerim against the Blight, yes." Varric looked thoughtful at that and rubbed his stubble. He opened the pages and found the neat letters of a good friend of his that he hasn't seen for three years. A friend that he got letters from but never penned by her due to the incident during the battle with Meredith. A friend that he kept in contact just in case the truth came out.

One that has fulfilled her promise to change the world.

"And here I thought that you said you would believe me as I told the story."

"I would but there is information there that will confirm what you say to me." Cassandra said a smirk on her lips. Varric wanted to do more than just glare at her, but he couldn't in his position. They did take Bianca away from him. He sighed, flipping through the pages.

"So, what do you want me to do Seeker?" Cassandra grabbed at the journal that he leafed through and opened it to the first page. The earlier pages ripped out.

"I will believe the start of your tale since what she wrote seemed to enforce it but from now on, everything you say will be examined along with her writings." Varric glared at her. "Tell me Varric, about the princess, the one that Hawke met on that mountain." He chuckled.

"Ah yes, Defender of Denerim, Honorary Grey Warden, Champion of Redcliffe, Race Ambassador to Queen Anora, and Princess of Ferelden…" Varric caught Cassandra's eyes and she tossed the journal in front of him. In neat letters at the top of the journal was written the owner of the journals.

Nia Cousland

-/-

"Well this mountain is green in a few stops, not too much snow, and…has a lot of…rocks." Hawke said. Merrill looked small after her clanmate had pushed her away.

"Nice going Eva." Carver said, crossing his arms, a small cloak around his shoulders. The snow on the mountain was making the trip harder for all of them.

"I'm sorry. Our people are nicer than this and we always look out for each other. Just, apparently not today. Please, let's keep going." Merrill said. Varric gave out a sigh, his breath visible in the cold. Bethany was shivering, holding her cloak tight against her as she used her staff to help her up the slippery path.

Eva had a similar staff in her hands but trekked the path without its help. There was a tense silence in their group as they saw the rubble that lay in their path.

"Well that makes things harder." Eva said.

"Yes but this cave leads to the top of the mountain as well. Follow me." Merrill said. Eva looked at Carver and shrugged. They followed her in. The cave had a small river flowing through it. The ceiling gave way in a few spots that let light in. Three giant spiders came crashing down on their webs on the group. Bethany let out a blast of fire which scorched them. Carver came up from behind her and slashed one with his great sword. Varric killed the last one with a barrage of arrows.

"Well that wasn't much of a challenge." Carver said when six more spiders dropped down.

"You had to open your mouth didn't you?" Eva said, rolling her eyes. She focused on the force of the fade above three of them and pushed down. Gravity did the work and they got squished to the floor. Then a few boulders came out of nowhere and smashed into the spider right behind Carver and Eva. Merrill looked at them with glee before hitting a spider next to her with her staff. Bethany let out another fire blast and they all fell.

"Ugh, spider guts." Eva said, avoiding what she could on the floor. Merrill led the band forward, down some stairs and into another cavern where more spiders dropped down to meet them. Eva pushed three away from her while Carver went on to fight them. Merrill dropped a landslide on two and Bethany froze the one that wasn't being attacked by her brother. Varric helped by shooting the spider, attracting its attention and allowing Carver to squish the butt of the spider.

"The path continues through here." Merrill said. They left the cave and were hit by a chill wind. Bethany shivered which was odd. She was the one who was always casting the ice spells ever since she was a young girl. They neared the graveyard but a shimmering blue shield was keeping them from going further. Merrill bit her lip and looked to the group.

"You only have to wait a moment. I can open the way forward." Merrill grabbed a small dagger she kept around her waist and hovered it over her hand.

"That's-" Bethany started. Merrill hissed in pain as she cut her hand, Bethany and Eva both feeling the flow of magic from her blood. She commanded the magic against the shield and it shattered.

"That was-"

"Blood magic." Eva finished her younger sister's thought.

"I know it was blood magic but I have it under control. The spirit helped in the end didn't it?" Merrill said, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Of course how silly of me! Demons always try to help you…until they try to take over your mind and turn you into an abomination." Eva said. Carver rolled his eyes.

"Leave her alone Eva."

"You are always weak against girls with pretty faces." Bethany mumbled.

"That is true…but I know how to defend myself. You best be careful up ahead. Things prowl the heights." Merrill said and they went into the graveyard. Merrill sighed. "In the old days of Arlathan, the elvhen elders came here to sleep. Uthenera, the endless dream. They don't sleep peacefully anymore." Merrill and Eva came closer to the altar when an Arcane Horror came to life. It bled its magic toward the skeletons that littered the mountain. The growls of the undead as they came to life surrounded the group. Carver swung his sword, decapitating the one next to him. Bethany hit one with the staff blade and Varric shot an arrow clear through the skull.

Eva forced the gravity down on the horror but it didn't do much. It pushed against Eva and Merrill, causing them both to fall over on the snow. Varric shot off a barrage of shots which only made the horror flinch. Carver shouted a battle cry and jumped and slashed. He cleaved the horror from its shoulder down to its wisps of feet. It growled at him before being encased by ice thanks to Bethany. Eva wasted no time and smashed her staff against it, causing it to splinter in small chunks of ice.

It didn't matter though. The veil was weak and more corpses rose from the ground to battle them. Bethany shot off a fire blast at three, causing them to fall down the mountain. The ground shook as Merrill brought down another landslide on two more. Carver beheaded one that he was fighting and Varric took out two more with Bianca. Carver shouted in pain as a shadow of a man wielding a sword and shield, rammed into him. Eva clicked her tongue as she forced the gravity on the shadow warrior. It knelt and Carver swung its sword against it. It didn't do anything.

"It can only be harmed by magic!" Merrill said, raising earth to fight against it.

"Why didn't you say so in the beginning?!"

"Get out of the way Carver!" Bethany shouted. He jumped as Bethany summoned another fire blast. Eva grabbed at the energy and pushed the warrior against the wall of the mountain and Merrill brought down more boulders with her magic.

"I think we'll have no more resistance. Place the amulet on the altar and I shall begin the rite." Merrill explained. Eva nodded and reached into her pack to the amulet that Flemeth gave her more than a year ago. Eva placed it as Merrill asked. Merrill came up to the altar.

"Hahren na melana sahlin. Emma ir abelas souver'inan isala hamin vhenan him dor'felas. In uthenera na revas." After Merrill chanted the last word, a storm of energy came from the altar, showering them what almost appeared to be wings. A figure shown in white light before it faded away, leaving Flemeth before the group.

"Hm and here we are." Merrill bowed low to Flemeth.

"Andaran atish'an Asha'bellanar."

"One of the elvhen I see. Clear eyed and bright. Do you know who I am, beyond that title?" Flemeth said, staring at Merrill.

"I do not know much." Flemeth chuckled.

"Then stand girl. The people bend their knee too quickly. How refreshing to see someone who actually keeps their end of a bargain. I expected to see my amulet to end up in a merchant's pocket."

"Well I tried selling it but no one wanted it. I think they suspected that there was a powerful old woman inside it." Flemeth smirked at that.

"All I needed was a small piece in case the inevitable occurred. Knowing how my Morrigan acts, it already has."

"I'm guessing that now that I have done this, you're going to fly away doing dastardly deeds?" Eva said.

"Eva!" Bethany whispered. Flemeth laughed.

"I suppose I shall but there is one more thing I must do before I leave." Flemeth said. She reached into the collar of her armor and pulled out a small orb that looked like it had fire inside of it. Eva and the others looked at her as Flemeth started to feed the small orb mana.

The orb grew.

"That doesn't look too good." Eva said, taking a few steps back. It grew and swelled, becoming brighter and hotter. It melted the snow around Flemeth, making the dry grass appear. She smiled at the group before tossing that sphere onto the ground. The energy rolled, looking like a plume of feathers until it hit the wall when the group heard a cry of pain.

"Wah!" Feet were propped against the wall and a young woman appeared. She groaned, sitting herself right up. She rubbed her face before looking toward the group. It didn't last too long when snow from the cliff above her, fell on top of her. "Holy shit that's cold!" Eva snorted in almost laughter and Flemeth laughed out loud. The young woman sputtered out of the mound of snow, a large pack slung over her shoulder. Her dark brown hair was up in a ponytail, side swept bangs, and dark brown eyes combing the scenery. Her armor gleamed in the light which contrasted her sand colored skin. Her daggers gleamed as well on her hips. She took one look ahead and scowled.

"Flemeth…Of course that place had to be something of yours." She said, wiping away the traces of snow off her armor. Flemeth laughed at her.

"Did you ever doubt what you knew?"

"Depended on where I was of course."

"Ah but you must realize the inevitability of the story."

"Inevitability doesn't mean set in stone."

"Are you sure about that? You must be careful on what you choose from now on." Flemeth said, striding her way up to the stranger that she summoned.

"Is that a threat?" The woman glared at her.

"Only a warning."

"Hm, and who are you to give me warnings?"

"Someone that knows what will happen."

"You aren't the only one." Flemeth laughed at her. "I know Flemeth."

"Do you now? Such a large burden on a woman who does not know what the true future holds."

"Whatever it does hold, I'll be there and I'll make sure to stop it." Flemeth smirked at her and walked right next to her, whispering something that the group couldn't hear before walking away again. If looks could kill Varric thought.

"You do know now that I have helped you I only require it back." The woman sighed.

"Always a catch…Fine, you'll get your help but whether I choose to use that as an opportunity will fall on me." Flemeth laughed at her.

"You have grown cunning in this past year."

"I have to make sure not to reveal all my cards." The young woman said to Flemeth.

"Is anyone following this?" Varric said.

"I have no clue." Eva said.

"Excuse me. I tend to babble when faced against an impossibility." Flemeth said, taking one long glance at the young woman before her. She walked away over to the altar, the young woman following her with hard eyes and a scowl on her face. Varric could tell she was cold from her small shivers.

"The destiny that awaits you, dear girl, might not be so hard now that we have new players on the board. Be grateful for that, for we have much to do." Flemeth said, taking a glance at the other young woman. Her eyes settled on Eva. "A word of advice. This world is teetering against the inevitability of change. As the abyss shows before you do not hesitate to leap. After all, it is only when you fall that you can learn how to fly."

"Tch, inevitability, what a load of bull…" The young woman mumbled.

"That is cheap advice coming from a dragon."

"Are you sure we're not going to regret bringing her here?" Carver asked.

"Well there isn't much we can do to that now." Bethany said.

"I know of regrets for I have lived through many. Do not hold it close to your heart, for it can poison your soul but if you do regret, remember me. As for you girl, step carefully. No path is darker than when your eyes are closed shut."

"Ma serannas Asha'Bellanar."

"It is time for me to bid farewell." Flemeth said, coming toward the group. Her eyes kept on lingering on the woman that she summoned. "You have my thanks…and my sympathies." The woman glared at her as Flemeth glowed and her body grew. The group backed away as a dragon replaced the woman and flew away.

"Hmph."

"Soooo…who are you?" Eva asked.

"A daughter of hers perhaps? I've heard many tales of the daughters of Flemeth." Merrill said. The young woman looked at her before laughing.

"Me a daughter of Flemeth? Not a chance." She cleared her throat. "Sorry for the late intro, you would think after that time I spent helping in Amaranthine I would have some manners." She crossed her arms and bowed low to the group. "My name is Nia, Nia Cousland, princess of Ferelden."

* * *

 **And we have arrived in Hell on Thedas! Drinks are to the left! Welcome all my readers that have stayed with me thus far! Those who are new and have no idea what is going on, you have to read Days of Our lives first, then Days of Our Time to get the jist of what's happening here.**

 **As you can see already the POV has changed. It won't always be like this but I did keep the fact this is all being told by Varric. Here's the thing, Varric is telling the story, Cassandra has my character's journals and they skim through it as he tells her the story of the Champion. Sometimes the POV does shift back to Varric rather than following the journal. Then it switches back to the journal and then to Varric and Cassandra talking. I swear if you get confused by it all, feel free to drop me a PM.**

 **Also there is a shift in the rating. There is a reason why this story is rated M. Overall there is a depressing tone to this story and many character developments that have strayed more to the adult spectrum. I hope this doesn't turn you all away and, instead, please love this story like all the others! Updates will be at the usual every three days!**

 **Please Review!**


	2. Kirkwall

9:31 Firstfall 16th

You would think that I would get used to the fact that I tend to follow this tale wherever I go. Of course I did chose to go at that moment. I had to, otherwise, I didn't know when I would get the chance again.

I also didn't think that I would end up on top of Sundermount looking at Hawke, Carver, and Bethany.

Flemeth and I had our mysterious conversation that I'm sure no one really followed, thank God. I couldn't forget her words that she whispered to me. There will always be a Hero, there will always be a Champion, and there will always be an -. I couldn't stop glaring at her after she said that. Gone was the weak little girl that was scared of her back in the Wilds. No, I lived through too much shit to be scared of her any longer.

Especially since I wasn't able to stop the events from coming in the first place. Failure on that part for me. I tried, I really did but trying didn't account for much when I still ended up in Kirkwall.

"Did my ears hear correctly? Nia Cousland? Defender of Denerim, sister of King Eren, founder of the farms in Orzammar, and the only human to ever get a vote on being a paragon?"

"The assembly unanimously voted no on that from what I remember." I chuckled, wiping the snow from my shoulders. I felt some of it travel down on my back. It felt chilly.

"Do you know her Varric?" Carver asked. It was odd seeing all three siblings together. After all if Hawke was a fighter then- and if they were a mage-. The weirdest part was the fact that Eva looked exactly like the plain model, minus the blood smear. She had the clearest blue ice eyes I've ever seen. Carver's eyes were a duller shade of blue while Bethany's were more of a honey color.

"Every dwarf knows her! She single handedly saved Orzammar from one of its greatest crisis! The ginormous log up their asses!" Varric laughed.

"You can't put all the glory on me. Derek has made a lot of changes himself. I only gave him the base for him to start on."

"Hey I owe you a caste so you're alright on my book."

"Nice to see I made a new friend so quickly."

"Oh where are my manners? Varric Tethras. Writer, merchant, and business investor." Varric said, holding out his hand. I gave him a good handshake.

"If there are any more introductions, my name is Bethany. This is my brother Carver and my older sister Eva."

"I'm Merrill." We bowed at the same time.

"Nia Cousland…why does that sound so familiar?" Eva said, getting into a thinking pose.

"You don't read enough of the papers do you? Nia Cousland is the adoptive sister of King Eren, the Hero of Ferelden. She was one of the people who were there when he killed the Archdemon!" Bethany said, nearly face palming herself.

"Not to mention the other stories along with the Hero of Ferelden." Carver mumbled.

"Oh so that's where I heard the name." I shook my head. "Wait how do we know it's really you and not some imposter?"

"Who goes around saying that they're a princess with absolutely no power? Also," I reached into my pack. I never left anywhere with my royal tube. I grabbed at it and gave it to her. She gave me a disbelieving look before taking out the royal papers, enchanted seal and all. All three of the siblings eyes widened.

"You're really her!" Carver exclaimed.

"Enchanted seal and everything. So professional." Hawke chuckled, putting the papers back into the secure tub and giving it to me.

"Wow, a princess! If Asha'Bellanar personally helped you here, you must be in her good graces." Merrill said.

"That's probably the farthest I can think of when she thinks of me." I mumbled.

"What was that conversation about anyway? So cryptic and secretive."

"It's a secret." Varric laughed.

"We have to get her on our team Hawke, trust me. If there's anyone that knows Deep Roads, it's this one."

"God the Deep Roads, the smell will forever be ingrained in my memory." I rubbed my face.

"So you have experience?" Bethany said, coming up to me.

"Loads of experience."

"I'm looking for loads of experience for an expedition, if you care to join us." I shrugged.

"Sure, I'm always looking toward another reason to have nightmares." Hawke chuckled.

"Then I'm sure we'll be fast friends."

"Do you have many stories about the blight? My clan had to move here once my keeper sensed the corruption in the land. It was sad. I lived in Ferelden for such a long time before our move. Where do you hail from?" Merrill rambled.

"I'm not from Ferelden. I come from a land far from here."

"The Anderfels?"

"No, her accent isn't from there at all." Carver said.

"She looks Antivan." Eva said.

"Her eyes aren't the same as the rest." Bethany said. I chuckled at their guessing.

"So where you from princess?"

"Don't call me that. Far, far away."

"You like your secrets don't you?"

"Can't be without them. A secret is what makes a woman, a woman."

"But if you have too many secrets, won't you get tired not being able to tell anyone anything?"

"It depends how many you have." I said. Varric chuckled. We went down through the cave and down the path to the Dalish clan. Bethany almost slipped a few times and Carver had to hold on to her as the ice became slick.

"You guys can head on to the road, I'll talk with the Keeper." Hawke said. I saw how the Dalish looked at us with outright hatred. I remembered how much it hurt me to go through a clan like this, now it rolled off my back. I heard a few of them whispering about the armor I had on. There was no doubt that they recognized it as their handiwork.

"What kind of knives are those?" Carver asked as we came out of the camp.

"Knuckle daggers." I said, taking them out, twirling them before they settled on my knuckles.

"Nice knives, Knives." Varric said.

"Hm, that one I like." Hawke and Merrill came by.

"All right, now let's get out of this cold before our asses freeze shall we?" Hawke said.

"How do you know Flemeth anyway?" Bethany asked.

"You've heard how Flemeth saved the Hero and the other Grey Wardens from the tower of Ishal right? We had to go down to Ostagar again and passed by her hut in the Wilds. That's when I first met her…and then we killed her."

"You what?" Carver wondered.

"But she was alive just a few minutes ago." Merrill said.

"Well she transformed into a dragon and the Hero with the other Grey Wardens and our companions killed her or at least I thought they did. I got hit by her tail and got myself doused in swamp water. Ugh, the smell was on my clothes for at least a week."

"I could only imagine the stories you have." Varric said.

"I have tons of stories. I'll tell you if you're that interested. Ah crap, Flemeth brought me here and I have absolutely nowhere to crash at!"

"Don't look at us. Our hovel can barely support all of us, our mother, our greedy uncle, and our mabari." Carver said.

"My mabari you mean." Hawke said proudly. Carver sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Tough luck Junior. Maybe a wild one will take a liking to you." Varric said.

"I always like the mabaris back in Ferelden. You can always talk to them and they'll listen to you aptly." Merrill said. We walked along the path that headed toward the great walls of Kirkwall. I have to admit that it was intimidating to see it all in front of them. I clenched at my pack.

Kirkwall. Welcome to hell, drinks later? Of course.

"First time here I take it?" Hawke asked me.

"I didn't travel much after the blight ended. I've heard of Kirkwall. I had a friend who came from the city. Time to see if all the stories were true."

"If you need a place to sleep at, there are a few empty rooms over at the Hanged Man if you're interested." Varric offered.

"I might as well then."

"Come on Merrill. Unfortunately, there's only one place where elves can stay at in the city." Hawke said. "Varric, Nia. I'll see you two later if another job comes up." The three Hawke siblings left us at the beginnings of Lowtown. I let out a yawn.

"Man it's cold."

"That's winter for you. Come on, I'll show you to the best place in all of Kirkwall." There were many people around in Lowtown. They weren't kidding when many Fereldans came as refugees. The place was swarming with them.

"Why do the Fereldans linger? The country is doing well and I hear that the restoration of Southern Ferelden is going well."

"Money, Knives. None of these people have it unfortunately. They sold off all their belongings to come here and now can't afford to go back. You have to do what you can to make a living." Varric shrugged. I saw the sign for the Hanged Man and…it was a man hanging from his foot. We came in and it was much warmer in the tavern than outside. I went up to the owner and requested a room, giving him a week's worth of rent. I saw a few people eyeing me but I ignored it. Varric motioned me to follow him and we went into his own room.

"Nice place you have here."

"Thank you. The Hanged Man has been my home for a very long time. So, what's your real story?" I raised my eyebrow. "I'm sure you can spin a lie about how you asked Flemeth to bring you here for some odd reason but no one can reason with a witch like her."

"She took a liking to me." I said, setting down my pack and sitting at the table he had. Varric waited for me to say something. I sighed. "You really don't want to hear it do you? It's kinda unbelievable."

"Try me."

"You know who I am. I'm Nia Cousland but before that I was just a young woman, dazed and confused, bleeding and trespassing in Highever Castle. I spent a few years there with the Cousland family and Eren Cousland, the King of Ferelden, as a handmaiden then as a bodyguard. Then we got the news of a blight and they were going to send their men to war."

"I know about the massacre." Varric said softly.

"Yeah. I saved Eren and his nephew Oren and made an oath to his mother that I would protect them both. We went down to Ostagar to try to find his brother Fergus. I found myself in Lothering, waiting for Eren to get back."

"Wait, you were in Lothering before it got destroyed?"

"Yep. It was a nice town. Once Eren and the other Grey Wardens, Talen, Derek, and Alistair as well as our other companions came together, we went off to the Circle. Once we were done there, we found a man that had information about a few allies we would have had if not for Loghain's betrayal. The others wanted to go. I followed them. Flemeth's hut was near Ostagar so we stopped there while we let the Grey Wardens to their business."

"And that's where you met her then?" I nodded. "How does one woman gain the attention of someone like her?"

"An irregularity is what she called me. An impossibility. I'm not supposed to exist. I'm not supposed to be here but I am." I shrugged.

"Ok you've lost me."

"I'm not from around here. I'm from another world." Varric gave me a look before bursting out laughing. I chuckled as well.

"You almost had me!"

"Let's just say that Flemeth has an interest in me because I'm not normal."

"You don't see to be normal either but as long as you don't bring too much trouble with you, then it's alright. After all, I do owe my merchant caste to you, as much as I hate it."

"You don't owe me anything." I chuckled. "It was Derek that took my idea and made it come true. I was surprised he took me seriously. I nearly fell off my seat when I heard that Bhelen actually agreed."

"Bhelen and Derek, a king and a Grey Warden, working side by side to make our people flourish." Varric said. "That qualifies as a drink. What would you like?"

"Nothing unless you got something non-alcoholic."

"You don't drink Knives?"

"Last time I did, I ended up losing a week in Denerim." Varric laughed. "I still can't remember everything. Thanks for the offer, but I would like to at least settle down."

"I'll keep you updated on our expedition. Don't get cold feet on us yet." Varric said. I nodded. I went to a room that was adjacent to his. It was small, the bath, bed, and table all in one room. I set my pack down and sat on the bed. I opened my pack. Only the essentials were in there for a small outing. I was only packing to go out to camp and take down that smuggler's nest that Nathaniel told me about.

Vigil's Keep. I needed to remind myself to send letters back there so they would know where I went to. I couldn't even leave them a note because of how random it was.

Kirkwall. This is where it all-.

I pray it will be enough.

-/-

"Huh, that's weird. I noticed that there are a few rubbed out sentences or words." Varric said, combing through the entries.

"They were given to me like that. No doubt that she went through her own writing and took vital information out." Cassandra said. No this wasn't her Varric thought, not in her condition at least.

"Did Talen know about this?"

"Even he did not know what she was hiding. I'm surprised that she doesn't have much of a role in your book."

"What can I say? She was a very private person, in the good sense at least. She always liked to keep herself humble, away from the attention that the Champion got."

"Yet I hear minor stories from everyone who knew her."

"She liked to meddle in other people's affairs." Varric said, choosing his words wisely.

"But she was also there when it happened. Meredith detained her."

"True but she escaped and then went off to help the Champion but that's not where we are in the story." Cassandra gave him a glance.

"Continue."

"At least give me something to nibble on or at least water. All this bright light is making me thirsty." Cassandra crossed her arms. Varric sighed. "Ok Seeker, now, where did we last leave off?"

-/-

9:31 Firstfall 16th

"How are you settling in?" Hawke asked. She came by after dropping off Merrill in the Alienage.

"So far so good. I have a roof over my head, something warm to eat. The cot is a bit rougher than what I'm used to." I said, sitting on the chair with my soup on the table. I have to say, Kirkwall does the soup better than they did in Ferelden. Hawke laughed.

"You were with the Hero and Defenders right?"

"Is that what they call the Grey Wardens nowadays?"

"From what people around here heard only the ones that defeated the Archdemon, yes. There's the Hero of Ferelden, now King Eren, or King Cousland. Then there's the Defenders of Denerim which falls on all of you that followed the Grey Wardens. Is it true what they say about the Grey Warden mage Talen? He made the Circle of Magi in Ferelden free?"

"Yes, he is also a close friend of mine."

"Well you are a princess so you know influential people." Hawke said, sitting on the only other chair provided for me.

"In name only. Eren adopted me before he signed the papers before he was crowned king. They had to make me a princess by default. It took them a full month to settle on me being a princess but with no power." I explained.

"You are odd one. I've never seen a princess wearing armor like that or even able to wield blades."

"I am but a simple woman looking for her place in life." I said flatly. Hawke chuckled.

"How much do you know of the Deep Roads?"

"Enough to dislike them greatly. They are beautifully carved when you find them intact but when you find them infested with darkspawn, it's a whole different story. The walls have this black grease to them, the stench could burn off your hair, and the tendrils you sometimes find running through the walls…ugh…not to mention that giant spiders usually make themselves home to them."

"How enchanting." Hawke said flatly.

"You don't get used to them trust me." Hawke rubbed her chin in thought as I ate the spoonful of soup systematically.

"You're no fun in conversations."

"Sorry, I've had a rough few weeks before I came here. I was at Vigil's Keep before I got swept away here."

"Vigil's Keep? The one that was almost overrun by darkspawn?"

"The one and only." Hawke laughed.

"How is it that you are where chaos hits?"

"It's a curse really." I whined.

"I was wondering Nia, if you would like to join me in a frolic out of the city. My friend Aveline has told me of a problem she was having out of the city."

"Sure, I'll tag along. You don't have to ask you can just say, 'Hey, I need you to punch things in the face for me,' and I'm your woman." Hawke laughed.

"I'll make sure to remember that. Come on then. It's probably best if you left your things with Varric. People in the Hanged Man tend to get grabby even in the best of times." Hawke and I left my room and I grabbed my pack.

"Hawke, come here to see little old me?"

"I have a job to get to with Aveline, care to join?"

"Of course. With you around there are bound to be opportunities around the corner."

"Varric, can I leave my things here?"

"Go ahead. I'll make sure to lock up good and tight so nothing can get stolen." Varric said. I dropped by pack near where his bed was. He locked up his room and we came out of the Hanged Man.

"Aveline should be waiting for us at the city gates." Hawke said.

"I have to admit, I've never gone out too much of the city since I've met you Hawke. First Sundermount now another pass in the mountains? My poor legs are going to give out."

"Then you would have killed yourself if you were a Grey Warden. All they do is walk." I chuckled. We came to the city gates and I saw Aveline in full armor. It made me feel small. I was about as tall as Merrill and that meant that both Hawke and Aveline were taller than me by a few inches.

"Hawke, Varric, and…someone new I presume." Aveline said.

"Nia, Aveline, Aveline, Nia." I crossed my arms and bowed to her. Aveline looked at me up and down.

"The crown princess of Ferelden?" I had a look of surprise.

"Wow, I didn't think people recognized me out of the woodwork."

"Not many do but I do keep up with the events happening in Ferelden. I have heard of what you have done along with the Grey Wardens and the King. It is an honor to meet you." I felt uncomfortable when Aveline bowed to me. It was unexpected to say the least.

"The honor is mine."

"And honor for everyone! Now, where did you say that patrol was Aveline?" Hawke said.

"It should be passing Sundermount and the Dalish. It's a bit of a walk." Aveline described as we came out.

"Well Aveline as long as we don't get lost, then lead the way." Varric said. We walked a good distance away, traveling the path where both merchants and people often walked. Aveline kept on glancing over to me as we walked.

"You can talk to her Aveline. I'm sure she won't bite much." Hawke said.

"I'm sorry your highness."

"Don't start with that. You know that I'm a princess in name only."

"But you joined the King and the other Grey Wardens to the top of the tower to defeat the Archdemon and lived. That was no easy feat."

"It was unnerving and scary."

"So what does the Archdemon look like?" Varric asked.

"It by most accounts looks like a dragon but it's not a dragon. It has rough spikes and scales all over its body, its muscles and sinews in plain view. You can feel…the darkness rolling off of its body. It's a monster in all accounts and even that isn't the best way to describe it."

"And yet you went up to the top of the tower and helped kill it."

"I shot ballista after ballista at it but it still stood after getting hit over twenty times with it."

"Were you scared?" Aveline asked.

"Terrified."

* * *

 **I hope the tone hasn't unnerved anyone.**

 **Shout out to kali yugah, Taffy and Sweetrolls, Luna-Zeta, manosad, naturaetsophia, Hirdas, Undeadhero143, NamelessOne0, R3d0X, Grey Blazar, Narliea, Chimera Spyke, PFCDontKnow, FearaNightmare, Buggy300, Doombug, Noswald, potatozrule Anemone Iris Sidera, White Story, Nyce, Nikanox, Catann985, and Holliden for favoriting/following! I love all you guys!**

 **Undeadhero143:** _Ha! Feel the feels! You don't know how happy that makes me, your tears make me happy! In a good way, I swear. No comment on the character deaths :3_  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _That's what I had so much fun writing about! Things still happen but in a different way, you'll hate me and love me once we get to that_ point.  
 **ThelonewolfNT:** _It's going to take years for Nia to be herself again and then Kirkwall will shit on her either way because Kirkwall is Kirkwall.  
_ **Buggy300:** _I enjoyed writing the different POV which will crop up every so often. Well to learn everything you just have to keep reading :3  
_ **Noswald:** _Varric didn't rip out the pages but it was the earlier pages of Amaranthine if you're curious.  
_ **Anemone Iris Sidera:** _We won't find out until much later :3_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, EG (I like Fenria lol), and White Story for revewing!**


	3. First Day Ended

9:31 Firstfall 16th

We headed up the mountain path, the sun already past noon. I couldn't believe that earlier this morning I was at Vigil's Keep. Now I'm in Kirkwall following Hawke and Aveline toward the patrol in the mountains.

"The view is nice up here." I said. "Wow, you can see the city!" You couldn't see it- but man was it a thing of beauty. Imagine a giant cliff that had all the pretty mansions and then walls stretching out from it like a pair of arms, encircling the rest of the city. Kirkwall also had rivers flowing out of it and the sea right in front of it. Amazing but still scary and unwelcoming. Thank the Tevinter Imperium for that.

"Pales in comparison to Denerim I'm sure." Aveline said.

"Well Denerim feels and looks more welcoming than Kirkwall, that's for sure." I said.

"True but then you don't get that same weepiness from the statues we have and the spikes that make Kirkwall feel like home!" Hawke laughed.

"I have to admit the spikes made the city more brutal." I chuckled. Varric laughed at us. We went up the path and found continued clearing.

"There should be stragglers here. Nothing we can't handle." Aveline said. We passed by some crumbling architecture and I saw an arrow land right near my boot.

"These guys don't seem that happy to see us!" Varric said, shooting off Bianca. I ran in a zig zag pattern, aiming for the archer but a man raced in front of me. I held out my blades and caught his own. I did a feint and punched his abdomen, hard. He staggered while Aveline raced in and rammed him. The two archers behind us were knocked to the ground with a force spell from Hawke. I left the guy who targeted me to be dealt with Aveline. The last guy I tackled to the ground and sliced opened his neck. I flicked off the blood and put them away.

"Wow, that is some form of fighting you have there." Hawke said.

"Like I said, just tell me who needs to get their face smashed in." I said. Aveline motioned us forward through a small path through the cliffs.

"Be on your guard." Aveline warned us. We saw three more raiders in front of us. Hawke pushed them down on the ground and I rolled on the ground, slicing two throats before the last guy got up. He got an arrow through his head for his trouble.

"Wait." I shifted the sands slightly and there was a trap. I tossed a small log at it and it snapped. Then I felt that familiar goosebump feeling. I turned around, more raiders right behind us. One was a reaver.

"What is that feeling?" Hawke said, her hands shaking.

"Don't pay attention to it, just fight!" I shouted, Aveline and I running toward them. I twirled away from the man with the great sword. This one was the reaver. I punched in fast succession on the weak points of his armor. He tried slashing at me and I saw Hawke pushed down the other raiders behind me. I kept on evading and using my quick feet to sink my blades into his stomach. The raider gave me a groan of surprise before I took one out and punched him in the jaw. I heard a sickening crunch before he fell on the sands. The other raiders behind me already taken care of by the others. I heard the familiar sound of an arrow and I jumped back, two arrows embedded in the sands. I growled as I ran toward the two archers and raiders. Aveline came up behind me and rammed into an archer. The other raider, distracted, got an arrow through his eye.

"Hah! I knew I could get him in the eye!" Varric pumped his fist. The last archer was pushed against the wall of the cliffs. I came up in front of him and did a slash on his throat. He did a death gurgle before hitting the ground. I wiped away some of the blood that got on my face.

"What was that thing you called that raider? A reaver?" Hawke asked.

"They're guys that drank dragon's blood to enhance their abilities. The dragon's blood calls on demons from the fade, giving them unnatural auras that make you fear them instantly. As long as you focus away from them, you're fine." I said. We continued through the path and ended up circling the path. There were four more raiders in front of us. Varric pelted two of them with Bianca. Another man with double blades came running up to us. I ran toward him as well. He raised his daggers to hit me when I side stepped and let Aveline, who was right behind me, full on rammed him with her shield and she stabbed him with momentum. The last guy was squished by Hawke.

"We should be getting closer to the ambush site." Aveline explained. We walked into where the raiders were conducting their business. "There! For the Kirkwall guard!" I ran forward, jumping over where the trap was. There were five guys in front of me, three by the time I got up and punched one in the mouth before being taken out thanks to Varric. I have to say, Bianca is a beast. Another raider got cut down by Aveline. Two tried to slash at me but I side stepped and evaded them. I twirled behind them but they came up again with their blades. I put my legs in the sand and kicked up, they groaned as the dust hit their eyes.

Hawke summoned a force spell, pushing them down on the ground. I did an axe kick to one head while Varric got the other guy.

"That couldn't be all of them." Aveline mumbled. I jumped back from another arrow and saw five more raiders coming in. Varric got rid of their archer and Hawke used a force spell to scatter them all away. Aveline distracted two of them. I ran up, slashed at the one that was panicking on the ground, and tackled the last one. He grunted as I punched his gut, then upper cutted him. I heard a resounding crack and the other two were down from Bianca and Aveline.

"They didn't give us too much of a fuss. Dead is dead and the road is clear. I'll talk to Captain Jeven about this. Time to head back to the barracks." Aveline nodded at our work.

"To get my reward right?" Hawke said.

"Yes Hawke, to get your reward." Aveline rolled her eyes.

"Nice fighting style Knives. How did you even get the idea for this?" Varric said, tapping on the knuckle part of my weapon.

"My husband owned something similar. I decided to use them and they've been very useful to me over the years. The knuckles not the dagger. That was all me." I said. Varric chuckled. I saw Hawke rummaging through the bodies of the raiders.

"I'm guessing…?" I asked, pointing to her.

"Hey it's not stealing if they're dead!" Hawke giggled.

"I wasn't going to suggest that…" I face palmed.

"She really wants to go on that expedition." Aveline said.

"I can see that." I said flatly.

"What you've never looted a body?" Varric asked. I gave him a flat look. "Are you serious!? All that traveling and you have never looted?"

"We made due for the most part on my savings from my previous job and a few treasures we were able to get through our travels." I explained.

"You must have been a damn good accountant to keep track of all of that. How many people were traveling with you?" Varric asked.

"Twelve people plus a dog. We were traveling so we hunted for the most part and used the rivers for water." I counted.

"My condolences." Varric mumbled.

"It must have been nice to live off the land like that." Aveline said.

"I'll say. Though I do like having my bed. I have to say that through all my travels, I became a master soup maker." I said.

"I'll take your word for it. I'm done! Can you believe they only carried about fifty silvers? Only a drop toward the expedition." Hawke mumbled.

"You'll get there Hawke. Now let's get back before nightfall. I don't want to deal with Kirkwall during the evening." Aveline said.

"Why?" I asked.

"There is always trouble on the streets, as much as we try to clean them." Aveline said.

"I heard a rumor that if you managed to get rid of them, you can get paid handsomely." Varric said nonchalantly.

"Then I'll make sure to make a mental note of it. Every copper counts!" Hawke said.

"You're…a happy person aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes and you are broody." Hawke said, poking me.

"I am not broody!"

"Knives in the span of the day that we have known you, you've barely smiled and you haven't laughed." Varric said.

"I'm not in the mood for it." I grumbled.

"See? Broooody! Oh look you're pouting now!" Hawke laughed.

"I'm not pouting!" I countered.

"Andraste preserve me…" Aveline mumbled. I watched as the scenery went by as we got closer to Kirkwall. The sunset was nice with a few clouds in the sky.

"You're pouting again." Hawke said, bumping into me.

"I'm not pouting." I mumbled.

"You have pouty lips Knives." Varric chuckled.

"That I know but I'm not pouting."

"Oh you've gotten comments on them haven't you?" Hawke teased.

"All the guys I've been with said that they liked my lips the most." I shrugged.

"That's what she said." Hawke said, laughing. I snorted while the others laughed.

"Nice one." I said.

"I'll admit, you walked yourself into that one." Varric said. We were able to get past the city gates.

"Well here we are. Hawke, care to join me in the barracks?" Hawke shrugged.

"I have to see this through the end and get the money."

"Can I come? I haven't been to Hightown yet. I might as well try to recognize the city." I said.

"Sure, come along." Hawke said.

"You guys can go ahead. I need to rest my feet after the long walk." Varric complained. I smirked and shook my head.

"What? You're not tired of it?" Hawke asked.

"Nope. I was with traveling Grey Wardens. I can handle walks." Lowtown was exactly where it said it was, low. To get to Hightown, you had to go up the long trail of stairs, a lot of stairs. There were lifts but those were mostly used for cargo and wares. They are also completely unsafe. Not as much as they portrayed in-. The whole city was almost walled in. Most of the city had the sea right inside, bridges were everywhere. The only place where you could really see all of the city was Hightown. Manors were all over the place and the city was enormous. By the time we got to the barracks, the sun had already set.

It was almost like a maze, trying to see where everything was unlike in-. There were tons of alley ways, manors everywhere that were built with many levels. The highest was a four leveled one which does not count the stuff inside. We got through Hightown and the market that it had. It wasn't like the stuff they tried to haggle with in Lowtown. This was expensive stuff. They even had an exotic animal market and were selling what looked like leopard cubs and the like. I even saw a monkey!

"That was an experience." I said, as we opened the door to the Viscount's Keep.

"Never been around rich folk before?" Hawke asked.

"Not the ones that showed how blue blood they were, no. Ferelden was more…conservative? The markets did not sell so much useless shit. I swear why would buy a jeweled wine opener? The nobles are different. I had them talking behind my back yeah but this place oozes pompness." I explained. The Viscount's Keep had a few people lingering here and there. Some were being escorted out.

"And here we are in the barracks, small but homey." Aveline smiled.

"And full of people." Hawke mumbled, as we shoved our way through groups of people.

"You two stay here while I talk to Captain Jeven." Aveline opened the door while Hawke and I waited. The barracks were also a lot bigger than-. They had numerous rooms dedicated just for the guards with bunk beds all over. It gave me a feel of Vigil's Keep actually.

"You look like you have something on your mind." Hawke said.

"This place reminds me of Vigil's Keep. It has the same feel of it too. The barracks, the people, the duty roster…If I found the practice ring then it would feel like home as well." I chuckled.

"You fought against the recruits and guards?" She wondered.

"It was part of my training regime put on by my extremely harsh trainer. Still, what he showed me was useful. I am glad for that." Then we started to hear the shouting.

"Hmm sounds like Aveline managed to step on a few toes." Hawke said, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

"Sounds more than that." I said. Soon the Captain shouted at Aveline to get out and she walked out, slamming the door closed.

"Sounds so charming." Hawke smirked.

"I don't understand. I don't like him but I did my job. The raiders are dead, that's all he should look at. It's not the first time he's done something questionable like this. Something feels wrong." Aveline wondered.

"A gut feeling?" I said.

"More like a gut certainty but I don't have evidence…yet." Aveline rubbed her chin.

"So this would probably be a bad time to ask about payment right?" Hawke asked sheepishly.

"He'll jail you if you even allude to it, I'm sure. I might as well check out the duty roster on where I'll be patrolling. It'll give me time to check up on you every so often." Aveline said.

"Yes because I love it when you stalk me and my shadow." Hawke rolled her eyes. Aveline went to check her roster when another guard came up to her.

"Aveline! Good to see you're back. I owe you a pint for going to clear that ambush. You saved me from a lot of trouble."

"Brennan? You were due on that route." Aveline wondered.

"Yes I was and on single patrol as well. I would have ended up dead for sure." Brennan sighed in relief.

"Single patrol? Not much of a guard when you're alone." Hawke said.

"The route was quiet for weeks so it wasn't meant for a full guard. The only noise coming from it was your big fight. Captain reassigned me once you told him about what you did. I passed the satchel that he gave me over to Donnic for his patrol tonight." Brennan explained.

"A satchel?" I raised my eyebrow and Hawke and I shared a look.

"Pay and order assignments. We're given them when we're on light duty, Captain's orders. It's usually an update for the roster but the satchel for that patrol was heavier than other nights. Thank you again Aveline, tell me when you're off to the Hanged Man, I'll get you something." Brennan finished, heading off to the barracks.

"A single patrol, a heavy satchel, and an ambush. Sounds like a recipe for disaster." Hawke said.

"Or a trap." I said.

"Surely there's a very convincing lie that the captain can tell you all about." Hawke said.

"And I might be willing to hear it, if it didn't require a guard walking into it. For now let's check where's Donnic's patrol. A good man that one…hmm…I've got his route. A routine walk in Lowtown, tonight. Let's make sure his route stays quiet shall we?" Aveline said.

"A night party? Sure why not?" I said. Hawke chuckled at that as we made our way out of the Viscount's Keep.

"You'd best keep your eyes peeled back. Hightown isn't known to be friendly after hours." Aveline said, as we walked down the stairs from the Viscount's Keep. We were in there for a while. As we came down, Aveline noticed the Guardsmen Pretenders. There were five of them and, as soon as they saw her, took out their blades. Hawke was able to bring them all down to the ground with a quick spell, but it wasn't enough to harm them. I took the opportunity to dash toward them and stabbed downward on two necks before they came up. I axe kicked one to stay down, Aveline got the attention of the other two. Hawke waved her staff and did a force push against the pretenders to smash them against the wall. I grabbed at the guy that I kicked by their head, and twisted hard. I heard a crunch before the last two were killed by Aveline and Hawke.

"More are coming!" Aveline said, and five more pretenders came out of the alley ways to greet us. They all rushed at us and Hawke did a mind blast. They went flying. I took that as my cue to slit the throat out of two that fell to the ground, quickly. The last three came up. I ran up behind one and did a choke hold. They lifted me up but I wrapped my legs around them to keep myself from being thrown. I switched tactics and broke their neck. Hawke did a powerful force spell on one guy and his helmet dented in, the other one was knocked to the ground by Aveline and was stabbed through their breastplate.

"You weren't kidding when you said that Hightown wasn't friendly at night." I said, getting away from the carnage.

"Let's go before we attract more." Aveline said. We went through a corridor that led us to the Red Lantern District. I saw a few men loitering outside, most likely wanting to go in. We took the stairs and managed to avoid the gangs and went down the long stairway toward Lowtown. We came into the bazaar and it was devoid of life.

"If you thought Hightown was bad…" Hawke started. We passed the empty stalls and went toward where Donnic's patrol was going to be. I stopped Hawke from walking any further and an arrow missed her feet. Five highwaymen came into view. Hawke focused on her spell while Aveline and I jumped down the stairs toward them. We kept them busy while Hawke focused.

"Out of the way!" Aveline and I jumped out and a strong push forced all of them to face plant against the concrete ground. It was so hard that I heard all of their heads crack. Hawke groaned and rubbed her head. "Oh I'm feeling that one in the morning."

More came out of the alleyways but, because they were highwaymen, they wore rags and cloth rather than mail. I came up and punched them in their guts. Hawke used another force spell to scatter them or push them into the wall. A few got back on their feet quickly. I ran in a zig zag pattern, making sure their arrows didn't get to me. I cracked the jaw of one archer before doing a spinning kick on the one next to him and slashing his throat once he hit the ground. Aveline used her shield to ram first, stab second on another two and Hawke pushed a highwaymen into the wall until they became a splatter.

"We can't waste time with these ones, Donnic should be close." Aveline said. We all went past the bazaar into an enclosed alleyway. I heard a few people talking as we got closer.

"Give me the satchel."

"The Captain will hear of this!"

"Stupid fool, he's the one who-"

"The guard brought friends!"

"I'm not going to lose another guard over this!" Aveline shouted and I ran with her toward Donnic who got hit in the head by the thugs. There were four of them. Aveline bashed her shield against an archer and I evaded the slash of one of the thugs. Hawke flung another force spell and made them smash against the wall. I did a quick leg sweep on both of them, did an axe kick on one chest and a brutal haymaker on the other. Hawke used a force spell on the one I left and Aveline stabbed through the last one.

"Right behind you!" I shouted, running past Hawke and tackling another thug to the ground. The other three got their arrows but Hawke mind blasted them out. I stabbed through the armor of the one I tackled and punched the first one that got up from the mind blast. Hawke used her staff like a bo staff, cutting into the enemy with her blade with each swing. Aveline came by finished Hawke's enemy and went for the last one. The guy that I had to deal with kept on evading me and we were trying to get the first hit on each other. Hawke used her force spell to push the guy in the wall and I sank both of my daggers into his gut. He fell to the ground, bleeding to death. Aveline rushed by me as Donnic got his bearings. She helped him up. He blinked repeatedly.

"Wha…Aveline…you…you're a beautiful sight…" Donnic mumbled. Hawke smirked at me and I shook my head. "Oh…um…I mean…I…I was on patrol and these thugs ambushed me. I tried to take them on and took a few down, but their numbers overwhelmed me. I don't understand, the Captain said this route was supposed to be quiet." I went down toward the satchel and gathered the items. I showed them to Hawke.

"Office accounts, the seal of the Viscount and plenty of other miscellaneous important papers." I said.

"Extremely valuable when you know how to use them." Hawke said.

"Captain Jeven was about to sacrifice one of our men to line his pockets? Captain Jeven will answer for this." Aveline growled.

"And then everyone will know of the corruption in the guard and how weak you are." Hawke said.

"Then we will look weak. The others didn't deserve this. They deserve better. The Viscount will know of this and then we'll see if Captain Jeven likes his thieves, in prison along with them." Aveline said, grabbing the satchel from me. "Come Donnic. It's best we go to the barracks for the night."

"O-Of course."

"Hawke, Nia." Aveline said, nodding to both of us. Hawke sighed.

"Well that went better than I expected but it is late. I should get home before Mother starts to worry. I will see you soon Nia." Hawke said, going out of the hallway toward her home. I looked at the bodies all around us. I brought my hands together and prayed for them. It's not like I actively searched for people to kill. I prayed for forgiveness nonetheless and hoped that someone somewhere is listening.

Because at this point I'm bathed in red.

* * *

 **I see I got the reactions I wanted to. I will warn you now, there will be tons of foreshadowing toward later events so keep a close eye on those Varric and Cassandra moments no? MUHAHAHAHA! Ahem...anyway...**

 **Shout out to Tadwin, Porkkage, StormTigerXXL, SacredSamurai, MonsterTrainer, Starlight and Moonbeams, and MEfan159 for favoriting/following!**

 **Buggy300:** _Oh good, I had trouble with Merrill's character sometimes. She's hard to write. And yes Hawke has the sarcastic personality! I enjoyed that one better. The meeting for JAnders will be interesting...Why do you have to wait so long? Just because :3 MUAHAHA!_  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _It's always been hinted that Flemeth has some sort of precognition. Can you guess what's the third thing she said?_

 **Thank you ThelonewolfNT, Anemone Iris Sidera, EG, and Taffy and Sweetrolls for your reviews! Please Review!**


	4. With Intent

9:31 Firstfall 17th

I couldn't sleep at first. The cot was so uncomfortable. Not only that, the Hanged Man didn't feel like home. At one point I was so exhausted that I blacked out and then woke up feeling groggy. I groaned and got up, cracking my back because it became stiff during the night. Norah came by and gave me some breakfast which consisted of a small soup of chicken, some bread, and cheese. I had to find a way to get some letters over to Vigil's Keep though.

"Morning Varric." I yawned.

"Rough night?" Varric chuckled.

"It wasn't comfortable at all. Do you know where the post is? I need to send out a few letters to Vigil's Keep explaining where I am." I rubbed my eyes for the second time.

"Up in the Viscount's Keep. I'll take you to it so you don't get lost." Varric offered.

"No. Aveline is up there, she'll show me where in the building. I appreciate the offer though." I left Varric and crossed the tavern. People still saw me with questioning glances. I didn't pay attention to it though. I went out and the ground had a layer of frost on the ground. The cold felt nice but I wish I had brought the cloak that Wynne gave me. That was another thing that I left in Vigil's Keep.

The bazaar was setting up their stalls for the coming day. People were already going around waiting for their stock to be set up. The feel of the city reminded me of Denerim but Denerim felt…happier. Either way the city was definitely representing how I felt. I went up the stairs to go up Hightown. There were worn down marks on the sides where people walked next to the wall. I stomped my feet as I went up and people gave me looks. I fell down the stairs once, never again.

I really have to thank the Grey Wardens one of these days. Even climbing up a long set of stairs wasn't at all taxing. I must have been in good shape to do it. Hightown had more snow than Lowtown since it didn't have as many people going around. My feet crunched the snow as I walked the winding paths around Hightown. I passed by the Chantry board and saw their clothes. It was odd not seeing the gold or white. It was black and red with the sunburst symbol.

I continued on my way when a few guards were going down the stairs from the Viscount's Keep, dragging away Captain Jeven who was shouting to release him.

"Hmph, good riddance." I said. I walked up the rest of the stairs and the Viscount's Keep was packed as always. People complaining, wanting to see the Viscount, and other matters. I went over to the barracks and saw Hawke, Carver, Bethany, and Aveline gathered in one place.

"Drinks later then?" Carver said.

"We do have to celebrate this!" Bethany said.

"We'll see. I'll be busy. Good Morning Nia." Aveline nodded to me as I stepped into the barracks.

"Morning. Why is everyone here?" I asked.

"They just made Aveline Guard Captain, or they will once they handle all the papers." Bethany said.

"Congratulations." I said.

"You look exhausted. Rough night?" Hawke said.

"I'm not used to being here yet. Give me a few weeks and I'll be prancing around the city in no time." I said flatly.

"I doubt you came here to see the ex-captain carried away though." Hawke said.

"No. I came because Varric said the post should be here. I need to send off a few letters." I said, showing them my bundle.

"I'll take you there. Hawke, be careful when going to your old estate." Aveline warned.

"Don't worry, we'll be as quick as a mabari to its victim." Hawke giggled.

"Nice analogy sister." Bethany chuckled.

"Let's go you two. I want to get this over and done with." Carver said.

"Ever the optimist this one." Hawke said with a roll of her eyes and they went out of the barracks. Aveline and I went out of the barracks and up a set of stairs over to a small office on the second floor.

"The post to be sent overseas can be sent here." Aveline described. The post looked like those ones with all the boxes with satchels everywhere. There weren't many people here. I went to the lady and told her it needed to be sent to Vigil's Keep. It would take more than a week to get there, but it would get there.

"How does it feel to know that you'll be Guard Captain?" I asked as we entered her office.

"Strange but comforting. This is where I belong, what feels right…I wonder what Wesley would have said to all of this." Aveline said, smiling softly.

"Wesley?" I wondered.

"My husband, well he isn't my husband. He died in Lothering. He became tainted by the darkspawn on the way. I had to…give him the mercy that he deserved." She sighed.

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely.

"No. It's all right. I keep his memory with me. I know that nothing can bring him back. I'm just glad that, wherever he is, he's no longer in pain." I nodded.

"I wonder what my husband is up to as well sometimes." I sighed.

"You mentioned that during our little excursion in Sundermount. I'm surprised to learn that no one knows of it." Aveline said.

"You would think more would ask especially in my position." I showed her the ring on my finger. "I came here against my will, nothing I can do about that. I can't go home yet either."

"Were you banished from your home?" Aveline asked softly.

"Something like that. It's a waiting game now." I shrugged.

"At least he's still alive." Aveline said.

"…I wonder sometimes. Well, I didn't come here to tell you anything sad. Congratulations, seriously Aveline." I said, patting her shoulder.

"We'll be having drinks later on in the Hanged Man." She described.

"I'll be there. Good hunting, Guard Captain Aveline." She chuckled and I left Viscount's Keep. It was noon when I came out of the Keep. From what I overheard from Hawke and her siblings, they should be out and getting-. I wandered around Hightown. Looking throughout the manors they had here. It was odd that they were built so closely together. They looked pristine, well built, uniform besides the rain marks coming down, they looked amazing. I kept on walking until I saw where the Merchant Guilds met up.

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is that you my lady?" My eyes widened before I saw Bodahn and Sandal, next to a tall statue of one of the paragons.

"Bodahn! Sandal!" I smiled sincerely as I walked up to them.

"Nice lady!" Sandal said, hugging me tightly.

"Oh Sandal where are your manners!?" Bodahn scolded. I laughed and patted Sandal's head.

"It's ok Bodahn. Wow, it's been so long!" I giggled as Sandal snuggled into me.

"Yes, not since the Circle I believe. How are they doing? I have yet to ask Talen." Bodahn said.

"From what I heard, they're doing good. My friend Wynne became an Archmage and Talen is training apprentices from the last time I heard. It's hard to keep track of where he is, always traveling you know?" I explained. Bodahn laughed and Sandal finally let go.

"Nice lady!"

"Thank you Sandal."

"What brings you here to Kirkwall? I heard you were stationed in Amaranthine." Bodahn asked.

"I was but my travels took me here. It seems like I'll be staying here for a while." I sighed, my breath came out as a wisp.

"Then it would be great to have you. Why don't you let Sandal enchant your weapons? For old times sake?" Bodahn offered.

"Enchantment!" Sandal said, clapping to himself and jumping.

"Thank you for the offer but enchantments and me don't get along anymore." I politely declined.

"Really? How odd." Bodahn wondered.

"I know. I'd best be going. It was good seeing you Bodahn, Sandal."

"Bye nice lady!"

"Take some time to come around and see my wares next time." Bodahn suggested. I nodded and went off to explore again. I walked everywhere, trying to memorize some of the city at least. If I was-, I needed to know where everywhere was. I have to admit though, the city was so walled it made me feel anxious. Then there were the gates that were everywhere. Kirkwall was built to make sure that if the slaves ever rose up, they would be able to quarantine them quickly. If I would compare Denerim and Kirkwall, Denerim would be an open field while Kirkwall would be a cage. I leaned against the pillar near the Chantry and heard the chant from the chanters outside and the bells ringing. I've been exploring nearly the whole day.

At least the day was spent focusing on where everything was and not my thoughts. No, those demons tended to plague me at night. I wished for the mercy of sleep.

Once the sun started to set, I went down the stairs. I saw in the horizon the tall tower of the Circle out in the lake. The Gallows. You had to take a small ferry toward it. I had to-. No point in thinking about that. I had to focus on the now. I went down and walked through the alleys back toward the bazaar and Lowtown. I saw Hawke talking to Lady Elegant at her potion shop and Bethany and Carver looking through the shops.

"Hey Hawke. Already down here for the drinks?" I asked.

"I couldn't keep myself from it. Thank you again Lady Elegant." Hawke nodded to her.

"Anytime Hawke." Elegant nodded. I joined Hawke and her sister walking over to the Hanged Man.

"So, Hanged Man then?" Hawke asked.

"Sure." I said.

"Also I was wondering if you had any qualms about taking jobs that aren't…necessary by the law?" Hawke asked.

"You mean illegal jobs." I stated.

"They're not illegal as long as no one knows about it!" Hawke said, giving me a playful shove.

"I'm fine with it." I shrugged.

"Good, because Carver got mad at me for it." Hawke mumbled. Carver joined us from the stalls.

"Nia."

"Carver."

"Where were you all day? Your cheeks are so rosy." Bethany asked.

"I've been out all day, trying to memorize the layout of the city. I don't want to get lost while I'm going around trying to find things." I explained.

"You should at least wear something warm." Bethany said, putting her hands on my cheeks. "You need something warm to drink."

"Bethany don't mother her." Carver said.

"Sorry but I do like the cold for the most part." I shooed away her hands.

"Well let's go somewhere warm like the Hanged Man." Hawke said. We all went toward it and went inside. I looked toward the bar. –wasn't there. Good. That would have been awkward.

"Let's hope they don't have the usual swill this time." Carver said.

"The usual swill is the stuff we can afford Carver." Hawke said.

"We should at least get a decent drink when we come here." He mumbled.

"Unless you have the money for it, then we're having the usual." Bethany said. We went and saw Varric going over a few papers.

"Ah if it isn't the Hawkes! How did it go with your mom and the papers?"

"You should have seen Gamlen's face! It was like he sucked on a lemon." Hawke laughed, sitting down on a chair and pulling up to the table. Carvery and Bethany sat next to each other and I sat next to Hawke.

"As he should look, taking away all of that from Mother. I didn't think that there could be a person like that." Bethany said.

"It's not like he can blame Mother that he turned out a drunk and a gambler. But what he did, that was low."

"Trust me Junior, there are evil people out there. Nia should know right? Loghain and Howe?" Varric said. Norah came by with a few drinks for us.

"You would know of that." I said, taking a cup for myself.

"I remember Loghain. I was in his regiment when I was at Ostagar." Carver said.

"Then you were one of the defectors then." I said, taking a gulp. It burned but one drink wouldn't put me under the table.

"You didn't see what I saw. The Darkspawn were overwhelming our numbers and-" Carver started.

"And Loghain pulled all of you to save your lives against an unwinnable battle. I know. I had to hear the same story over and over while Loghain sent us an assassin to kill us and put the whole country against the Grey Wardens." I rolled my eyes.

"I don't condone what he did but he shouldn't have let the king there to die either." Carver said.

"Loghain sent an assassin?" Hawke asked.

"Yeah, we recruited him. He got better." I said, sipping at the cup. Varric laughed.

"How did that happen?"

"We became good friends. Not only that, because he failed, he couldn't go back. It was a kill or be killed mission and he didn't want to get killed. He should be somewhere in Antiva now." I said.

"What other people did you know during your travels?" Bethany asked, looking at me with brimming curiosity.

"The Grey Wardens, a witch, a bard, a qunari, a drunk dwarf, a blood mage, a crow assassin, a mabari, a senior mage, and a golem." I said, finishing my drink. Varric laughed.

"Sounds like a lead up to a bad joke."

"And all of you traveled together to fight against the Blight?" Hawke asked.

"Yep. Our eclectic group of misfits. A few of us aren't around anymore. Sten went back to Par Vollen, Wynne and Shale are traveling together from what I last heard. The others are out there doing what needs to be done as Grey Wardens." I smiled softly. I missed everyone but those traveling days aren't coming back.

"I haven't missed anything have I?" Aveline said, coming in the room.

"The woman of the hour! Welcome, Guard Captain." Varric said. Aveline chuckled.

"It's not going to happen for several more months Varric."

"Still, it's good that we have you on our side. I have a question…if I wanted to own the Hanged Man-"

"Then you're going to keep on wishing because I won't help you take it unless it's by the law." Aveline said, sitting down.

"Aww you wound me Aveline but this is a time to be happy. Cheers Aveline." There was a resounding cheers with everyone as Aveline got her cup.

"Thank you everyone. Hawke, I hear that you're working with Athenril, again." Aveline said, distaste obvious in her voice.

"What can I say? She offered me a job, there's money involved and I have to-" Hawke started.

"Get more money for the expedition. We know sister." Carver said, rolling his eyes.

"Do you have a better plan on getting quick money? I'm sorry brother but I don't think you'd work well in the Blooming Rose." Hawke teased. Carver choked on his drink while everyone chuckled or laughed.

"That is not funny!"

"Oh stop taking everything so seriously!" Bethany said, poking him.

"You'd better not be doing anything that will get you in trouble Hawke." Aveline warned.

"Oh please, trouble is my middle name." Hawke shrugged. Aveline groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Because you are constantly looking for it." Carver said.

"Well I'm doing everything I can to make sure Mother had everything she needs. I don't see you doing the same thing Carver." Hawke shot back.

"Can you two stop it? We're trying to have a happy moment here. You two arguing is not wanted here." Bethany said. Carver deflated.

"You're right." Carver sighed.

"Actually as much as I love staying here to drink, I have something to do." Hawke said.

"The one Athenril gave to you?" Varric asked.

"The one." Hawke winked.

"I might as well go. I need a few new ideas in my head for what I'm working on." Varric said, getting Bianca ready.

"I'm staying. I'd rather not turn out like Captain Jeven." Aveline said.

"Nia, staying or going?" Hawke asked.

"I'll go." I shrugged.

"Good, let's see if Merrill is up for it as well." Hawke said.

"You're taking Merrill?" Carver asked.

"Yes I am. She'll probably like me visiting at least." Hawke said. Bethany gave Carver a sidelong glance while the rest of us went out of the tavern. Varric wound Bianca up as we made our way Lowtown to go to the Alienage. As we went down the stairs there was a group of six highwaymen in front of us. Varric pulled out Bianca and shot. He took down three in seconds while I ran toward the rest of them. Hawke released a force spell and got a few on the ground. I sank my blades in the guts on the first person. One had their sword high in the hair before I jumped back and avoided the force spell of Hawke. Two more on the ground. Varric put an arrow in one head and I cracked the last one's neck.

Four more came down from the roof. I did a round house kick on one, and another one I went blade to blade with. I put my leg behind them and tripped them, smashing their head against the ground. Two more were taken down by Varric. The last one was stopped in a glyph of paralysis.

"Ladies first." Varric said. I slashed his throat and he bled to death standing, slumping over on the ground when the glyph disappeared. We went past the alley way and there were a group of seven in the Alienage. Varric chuckled, taking a bottle of something in his pocket and threw it in the unsuspecting crowd. They all groaned loudly at the substance and I saw Hawke focusing her spell over them. I crossed my arms and watched how the gravity of the spell made them all fall to the ground with overwhelming force, some of their arms and legs twisted in wrong directions.

Five more came out when they heard their cries. Varric killed two as they were coming toward him. I went and did my roll, taking two more to the ground. Hawke paralyzed them and I sunk my blades in their hearts before jumping out of the way of the last one. Then an arrow went through their head. All of the highwaymen dead.

"Now that we've taken care of these ones, let's visit our wayward elf shall we?" Hawke said. We went up to her door and knocked. I heard the sound of a lock being unlocked and Merrill stood before us.

"Hawke! Varric! Nia! Welcome! Oh come in, come in." We all went inside. The house was bare for the moment with just a table, two chairs, an empty bookshelf and a bench.

"I'm sorry I don't have much besides water to offer all of you." Merrill said, fidgeting with her fingers.

"It's ok, we don't bite Merrill." Hawke chuckled.

"I'm sorry. I'm still trying to get the hang of…trying to be a friend." Merrill looked at the ground.

"Daisy you don't have to try so hard. Let it come naturally." Varric encouraged.

"Thank you but why are you all here late?" Merrill wondered.

"We're going on a job that my ex-employer gave to me and I was wondering if you wanted to join us. After all, you never know what you'll find at the docks at night." Hawke explained.

"Oh I'd love to! I haven't been around the city at night. Let me get my staff." She skipped into her bedroom. Skipped.

"She's happy." Varric said.

"We did good with her Varric." Hawke said. Merrill came with her staff strapped to her back. "Now we have the whole team. Let's go." Merrill had a big smile on her face as we came out. We went through the Alienage and didn't find any resistance going toward the stairs.

"Sister." Carver said, coming up toward us.

"Carver? What are you doing here?"

"Bethany decided to go home and I might as well accompany you. I'd rather not stay there with Gamlen being the way that he is." Carver explained. I rolled my eyes. Even though he was explaining all of this, his eyes were dead set on Merrill who was probably the real reason why he was coming with us in the first place.

"Well doing something with you might be a nice change in pace." Hawke said, going back toward the stairs and through the tunnel.

"What are we expecting at the docks Hawke?" Varric asked.

"Athenril lost some goods and wanted me to bring them back." Hawke said.

"It's not going to be that simple is it?" I said.

"And she speaks!" Hawke announced. I scowled at her. "Sorry, I had to do that."

"Of course she speaks, she's not mute." Merrill chuckled.

"She means that she doesn't say much of anything." Carver said. I lightly glared at Carver.

"Oh."

"Ah Daisy, never change." We walked through a bridge on the other side of the city and passed by a few more roads until we got to the docks. I saw the door to the Qunari compound. It'll be hard to deal with them. We went down the stairs and a young boy had five guys crowding around him. He saw our group and ran toward us.

"Get that boy!" The leader shouted. He got a chest full of earth by Merrill for that. Carver and I ran up to the rest of the thugs. Carver cut two in the chest and flung them aside. Those muscles weren't just for show. I kicked one guy in the chest while the one next to me got an arrow through the head. I smashed my knuckles into the jaw of the guy I kicked and he went down.

Four more came down the stairs, getting themselves in a line, arrows at the ready. The boy panicked and pushed himself against the wall. I grabbed him just in time before he became a pin cushion. We hid behind some tall barrels and I saw Hawke pushed them down.

"Stay here." I said and ran toward them as they were down. Carver smashed his sword against two of them. I sunk my blades into a back while the last guy got shot in the heart by Varric. Six more came out from the alley way. I got out of the way of a guy wielding a battle axe. Two were shot down, two more caught in a glyph. I evaded the arrows of the one that was free, toward the two in the glyph. I span and slash, getting both of their necks. The guy with the battle axe got thrown into the last archer by Carver and Merrill summoned lighting from her staff, directly into both of them.

"Thank you. I thought those Coterie men would kill me for sure. All of this was a trap. I was going to trade with the dwarves but they weren't here, just the coterie waiting to kill us. The rest of the boys didn't make it. I ran as soon as I saw things weren't going as plan. I was hoping they wouldn't find me." They boy explained.

"You shouldn't even be doing these types of jobs, what would your parents think?" Carver said.

"My mother was torn apart by one of those horned darkspawn. It's only been me and my sisters since." I looked at Carver and he huffed at me. "I had to work for Athenril, it's the only way to feed my sisters." Hawke sighed and looked at the chest of goods.

"Take what Athenril gave you to sell and start somewhere out of the city." Hawke suggested.

"I don't understand."

"In Lothering, the farmers always had need of a strong boy to help with the harvest and girls to help with the cooking." Carver explained.

"My father was a farmer before the darkspawn came…I guess I can look for that type of work instead of being with Athenril." The boy went to the chest. "I'm going to get my sisters now. Please make sure that Athenril doesn't find us." He picked it up and walked away.

"Good, it's better that he doesn't stay here working for her." Carver nodded.

"I can keep working for her as long as I get paid." Hawke said gruffly.

"She's a smuggler!"

"She pays!"

"Junior, Hawke! Stop." Varric said. They both huffed away from each other.

"Oh you two love each other so much! I wished I had siblings." Merrill said. Both of them grunted in response.

"They're hard to live with Merrill." I said.

"Let's go back home then. I'd rather not stay here lest we walk into more dangers." Carver said.

"Then let's go." Hawke said. We went through the long walk of stairs, this city had tons of them, to go back through the roads and into Lowtown. Merrill thanked us for the adventure.

"Whenever you need me, I'll be there. The City is so exciting!" Merrill giggled.

"At least I know that someone will be there when I need them." Hawke said.

"Don't start Hawke." Varric said.

"Good night everyone." Merrill said.

"We have to go home then. It's already very late." Carver said.

"Good night Varric, Nia." Hawke said.

"Night Hawke." Varric and I said at the same time. I sighed as we made our way toward the Hanged Man.

"You need to stop brooding Knives." Varric chuckled.

"I don't brood." I mumbled.

"You brood, hard. What's eating you?"

"A past failure." I mumbled. My loneliness, wanting to be with my family, wanting to go home, the failure that I wasn't able to stop-. The-that I need to focus on and various other plans in mind before-. So much was riding on-. Of course I couldn't say any of that. "I'll get over it eventually."

"At least you have your head on straight when you fight. You fight like a beast." Varric chuckled.

"I got my ass handed to me so many times in Amaranthine by the Grey Wardens, it wasn't funny." I smirked. "Weird that I miss that training."

"Ah you have enough bandits, mercenaries, and thugs to use your knives on." Varric said.

"True at least I have that." But I killed those men. I trained with the others. It wasn't the same and it will never be the same. We went into the Hanged Man and went to our respective rooms. I made myself a small bath and relaxed. For once I was glad for the training that Nathaniel put me through. I saw through fights like nothing. I knew where to hit, where to stab, what to do to kill my opponents quick and to the point. Zevran taught me to dodge and where to kill. Nathaniel perfected it.

But just like before in the Deep Roads with the others, I didn't want to be this way.

I didn't want to be a killer but this world made me into one.

Even I'm getting tired of all the prayers of forgiveness.

Well, time to see what tomorrow holds.

* * *

 **I know, I know, more brooding, more angst but depression and PTSD don't go away over a few days.**

 **Buggy300:** _Well as you know most of the mess ups don't even come until the last year :3 muahaha! And yes 'game' was another passage that was taken out._  
 **ThelonewolfNT:** _Nah, I don't get creeped out easily. And yeah...JAnders...there's going to be some tension when she meets him again.  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Hah! Yes it was that. I was hoping to get that feeling across as well. Thank you for noticing that :D. If you think about it Nia has more experience fighting fantastical creatures and not people.  
_ **EG:** _Nope the usual 3 day update. :3  
_ **Guest:** _Thank you so much for the support! I do it all for readers like you! :D_

 **Please Review!**


	5. Being Helpful

9:31 Firstfall 18th

"So we're up in Sundermount because…?" Bethany started.

"To get something for an herbalist back in the Gallows. He said he'd give me good pay." Hawke said with glee.

"One of these days, your nose for gold will be your downfall." Aveline shook her head..

"Oh you're only saying that." Hawke said. I was behind them, going toward the Dalish.

"What did he want again?" Bethany asked.

"Ironbark. Only the Dalish know where to get it from what Merrill told me earlier in the morning." Hawke said.

"I'm surprise you're here Aveline. Aren't you supposed to be handling the rosters?" I asked.

"They'll be able to live without me for a few hours." I saw the recognizable flags of the Dalish.

"Hawke. Be mindful of what you do at our camp." The Dalish hunter said to us as we went in.

"They're such a lovable bunch aren't they?" Hawke said.

"Don't say anything that'll get us in trouble." Bethany whispered.

"They hate us anyway. It's not like we can do anything more that'll make them hate us more." I said. Hawke went up to Master Ilen.

"Hawke. Here to browse my wares again?"

"Not this time Master Ilen. I was wondering if you have any Ironbark in stock."

"Ironbark? What would a shem need it for? No human can bend the wood to its calling. Anyway, we have no ironbark in stock. We cannot gather it from the place we found it in ever since we lost two of our best hunters."

"Two great Dalish hunters were hunted down?" Hawke's eyebrow raised.

"Indeed they were. Darkspawn came from the ground, took them both. If you want, I can show you where we got our stock. What you do from now will be your decision." He gave us the direction and where on the map.

"Thank you Master Ilen."

"One moment before you go. You there, come here." Master Ilen said, pointing at me. I shrugged at Aveline and came forward. "Your breastplate is of similar design. I recognize it from a master craftsman in our people, Master Varathorn."

"Yep. He made this for me. I went into the Brecilian Woods and gave him a lot of naturally felled Ironbark. I gave him so much he decided to craft me a breastplate in thanks."

"Then you were with the group that healed them of their werewolf curse." Master Ilen said.

"The Grey Wardens? Yes. I helped Nerion from Lanaya's clan when they were given their land from King Eren." I said.

"I've heard of Nerion's courage and valor during the Archdemon fight. The fact that we have a place to call our own is something of a mixed blessing though. I have taken enough of your time." Master Ilen said, bowing to us. We went off down the mountain.

"What was that about?" Hawke asked.

"Oh me and my group liberated a Dalish clan from a werewolf curse. Nerion is a hunter that came and led the Dalish hunters in the Battle of Denerim. He stayed at the door of the Fort, calling for our allies. Because of that, my brother Eren gave him a piece of land. I had to be the one that had to regulate everything though. I spent a few weeks there with Nerion getting everything ready with him and his clan."

"You have so many experiences." Bethany said.

"I did travel everywhere."

"And now we're killing darkspawn again!" Hawke said.

"It's not something I wanted to relive…" Aveline said. Hawke gave out a nervous laugh.

"Well it looks like where he marked the map is near the Bone Pit."

"We're not going there right after are we?" Bethany asked.

"Well there's another ingredient there as well. We'll get the ironbark and then march our way toward the bone pit! Easy as pie."

"That just made me hungry for one…" Bethany said.

"Me too…" Hawke grumbled.

Instead of following the road toward Kirkwall, we took the other turn and continued on toward the Bone pit. The scenery didn't change and there plenty of people traveling. We saw a few merchants, guards that were protecting the road, and various other travelers. Hawke and Bethany used their staffs as walking sticks halfway there.

"Why do we have to walk so much!?" Hawke complained. Another cold wind blew in our direction and the clouds were full overhead.

"Looks like snow." I said.

"Great, looks like Jarvis is going to be sleeping with us tonight…" Bethany said. "Your dog reeks sister, you need to bathe him more regularly."

"Well I'm sorry for the dog smell. At least we have something Ferelden like in our home." Hawke sighed.

"Ferelden didn't smell like wet dog that much." I said.

"Then you have gotten used to the smell." Aveline said. We got off the road and followed the map where the ironbark should be near the coast. Hawke was looking at her map when I smelled the stench of rot and darkness.

"Darkspawn." I said. We walked further down and I heard the all too familiar growls of darkspawn. There were five Hurlocks in front, waving their twisted metal swords, coming right for us. Bethany let out a cone of cold, freezing all of them. Hawke used a force spell and pushed down, shattering all of them. Two more came out of the ground and ran toward our group. I ran forward, evaded a slash and clocking the Hurlock on the head with my knuckles. The other one was bashed by Aveline's shield and stabbed in its gut.

"That won't be the last of them." Aveline said. Sure enough, four more came down the path. Bethany released a flame blast and got them on the ground. Hawke pushed all of them off the cliff and I heard their growls as they splashed in the water. Darkspawn can't swim. Four more came up behind us. Bethany shrieked when it grabbed her from behind. Two were being distracted by Aveline. I rushed toward Bethany, punching the Hurlock in the face. It recoiled and I kicked it away. She froze it and I smashed it to pieces. The last one was hurled away down the cliff again. I ran toward Aveline and sunk my blades in the back of one. She decapitated the last one.

"More coming from all directions!" Bethany shouted, running up the hill to get a better vantage point. She hurled a fire blast at three and Hawke pushed them off again. I ran up to the two that was running toward us and rolled, knocking them to the ground. I stabbed my daggers in their throats before standing up again.

"Is that-" I heard the stomps of an Ogre coming toward us.

"Andraste have mercy…" Hawke mumbled as it came closer to us, roaring toward the group.

"Don't just stand there, run!" I shouted. That shook everyone up and we barely avoided its charge. It slipped on the ice and banged itself in the cliff. I ran toward it and jumped, sinking my blades into it. It roared back, trying to grab for me. I climbed its back before stabbing through its neck, nearly decapitating it before it went down. I jumped off, flicked the blood off my blades. I made a face of disgust as their blood was splattered all over my face.

"That…was very impressive." Hawke said.

"It's the best way to take down an Ogre. They have difficulty reaching behind them." I said, using the ice to clean the blood off my blades. I used it to take it off my face as well. "Aveline, you should clean off the blood as best as you can. Darkspawn blood tends to weaken your armor. Their blood is corrosive." She did so and grabbed at the snow while I went toward a hill where I saw the familiar gleam of the ironbark.

"This should be it." I said.

"Wow. Can I just say that all the stories that I've heard of you, it doesn't compare to what I've seen here." Bethany said. I rubbed my face in mild embarrassment.

"Thank you."

"Yes, yes, we are all very impressive now let's gather what we can and head up to the bone pit." Hawke said, gathering a few fallen barks.

"You should learn from her sister. If we're going to the Deep Roads then we need an expert on killing darkspawn."

"There's not much to learn expect knowing when to avoid their strikes and killing them as quickly as possible." I shrugged.

"But you are the one with the most experience in this field. I'm amazed that the Grey Wardens didn't recruit you." Aveline said.

"Alistair didn't want me in the Grey Wardens. It was fine by me." Hawke put the ironbark in her pack and we left the clearing toward the road to go to the Bone Pit.

"Why?" Bethany asked.

"I can't tell you, Grey Warden Secret."

"But I swear I won't tell!" Bethany said. I chuckled.

"Sorry but no. So what are we doing here?" I asked.

"There was a man that Athenril gave a letter to me about. Herbert I believe. He owns the Bone Pit and has been complaining about a few problems here and there. Apparently there is also something here that the Herbalist asked for. He thinks that there's a dragon here."

"High dragon?" Bethany asked.

"Andraste's breeches no! Can you see me take down a High Dragon? I'm strong but not that strong." Hawke laughed.

"We'd best be careful. Dragons are not easy animals to take down." Aveline said.

"I should know. I had to take care of a whole handful of them back when the Temple of Sacred Ashes was run by a dragon cult."

"Oh we have to hear this one." Hawke said.

"Later." I said as we came to the Bone Pit. We crossed the small cliff to get to the mine. It was a desolate and dilapidated place. This area would not be OSHA complaint. We got to where the mining equipment was and we found looters going through the camps. Bethany froze a gang of three and I rushed over to smashed them. Three others came by and I evaded a few arrows. Hawke pushed them toward us as Aveline came over and stabbed two in their guts. Two archers kept on firing and Bethany gave them a fire blast. The last one took a look at his dead friends, at us, and ran for the hills.

"At least one of them had a head on their shoulders." Hawke said. I looked at the tall stone with the view of the Bone Pit. To think that Tevinter slavers would kill slaves over this cliff made me shudder.

"This should be the entrance Hawke." Aveline said.

"Best be on our guard. Herbert said he lost a few of his workers down here." Hawke said. We entered the mine shaft and went down the stairs. The underground was warmer than up top. We came down the last steps and a dragonling jumped down and roared at us. I saw four little ones and an adolescent dragon right at the end of the cavern.

"Freeze them! They're weak to the cold!" I shouted, side stepping a fire breath and stabbing a dragonling in the neck. Aveline had two more to deal with and Bethany froze three. Hawke pushed and all three shattered. One dragonling left and the Dragon ran over to check the fight. It roared and flapped its wings. Bethany and Hawke were knocked down while Aveline ran after it once she severed the neck of the last dragonling. The dragon pecked at Aveline as she tried slashing at its chest. I crouched low, going toward the dragon's back. I saw the frost spell of Bethany but all it did was freeze its wings. Once I saw the back of the dragon, I acted. I jumped up on its back. It reared and buck like a bull but I held on fast with my daggers in its back.

Aveline took the opportunity I created and ran toward the Dragon, stabbing at its chest. The dragon roared as it tried pecking at me and Aveline but she stabbed all the way to its heart. It slumped onto the ground and I grabbed at my daggers.

"Is there anything you don't know how to kill?" Hawke asked. I thought about it. "Never mind. Let's go. I would like to be home before dinner."

"What dinner?" Bethany scoffed.

"I was trying to be funny." We followed the torches and stairs to the higher levels. We found three more dragonlings and another dragon. The dragon was off in the corner. Bethany froze the three and Hawke pushed down to shatter them. Aveline and I ran toward the dragon. We did the same tactic as before. She distracted the dragon while I tried to go behind it and jump on its back. I timed it wrong and instead cut apart its wing. It flicked me into the wall with its tail. Aveline jumped up and slashed at its neck. The dragon roared as it bled out. Two more dragonlings came up behind us. Bethany froze them and Aveline and I shattered them.

"Well at least their fire bursts are making the mine super warm today!" Hawke said.

"Thank Andraste for small pleasures." Bethany mumbled. We went up the stone steps and found four more dragonlings waiting for us. Hawke pushed one against the wall until it splattered. The other three jumping into the clearing before us. I did a hammer blow on top of one dragonling's head and it went down. Aveline decapitated one and the last one was pushed by Hawke, frozen by Bethany, shattered by me. Two more came down toward us. I punched one on its snout before I sank my blade in its neck. The other was pushed into the wall by Hawke.

"Ugh, I got dragon's blood on my robes." Bethany said.

"I got dragon's blood all over me. I'm not complaining." I shrugged.

"But you take that blood soaked armor and work it!" Hawke chuckled. I did a pose and she laughed.

"Let's go Hawke. I do still have some business to do." Aveline said.

"Fine." We climbed the stairs and past a bridge. When we went through another mine door we saw a man coming right toward us.

"Oh thank the Maker someone came. The dragons were everywhere and I thought for sure they would have sniffed me had I stayed longer."

"I'm guessing you'd rather be running rather than explain to me what happened here?" Hawke said.

"Of course but be careful. There's a larger dragon past here." The man ran out.

"We can't leave this dragon here. It has to be taken care of." Aveline said.

"Of course." Hawke said. We went through a door to a ledge that was outside. The mature dragon was waiting for us outside.

"Shit." I said. It roared and ran toward us. We were on a precarious ledge, outside, it was getting dark, with snow all around us. Aveline ran up to it getting its attention but it wasn't like the other smaller dragons or dragonlings. It flapped its wings and all of us went down. It's mouth charged for a fire breath. I ran and slid underneath its belly, stabbing what I could during that time. It let out a fire breath toward the group, the shine of a protective barrier over them. The dragon reared up, and stomped where I was. I rolled around, evading its massive claws. It got distracted when Hawke tried to push against it. That gave me the chance to roll from underneath it. It got me with a tail whip and I crashed against the wall. Bethany froze its claws but it barely did anything as it broke through the spell.

Aveline slashed at its chest but these scales were tougher than the ones that we had fought in the mine. It made small cuts but nothing enough to do it in. It gave out a shrieking roar that I covered my ears for. It flapped its powerful wings and all of us were down on the ground again. Hawke was able to summon a protective barrier just in time for its fire breath. We had to do something. We didn't have the room for extreme combat. Then I got an idea.

"Hawke, focus on pushing down its head. Just its head." I said, running over to where the dragon was getting its attention. Aveline went toward the side and I on the other. We were confusing it, trying to dodge its pecks and swipes from its tail. I saw Hawke concentrating, a few of Bethany's cold spells grabbing onto its legs.

"Heads down!" Hawke shouted. The force spell grabbed at the dragon's head and slammed it into the ground. Aveline came up and stabbed into its skull, killing it. "Well now it looks like we're the ones who were…ahead of the game." YEEEAAAHHH! Where's the sunglasses when you need them?

"Oh that was so bad!" I laughed.

"Why are we even related?" Bethany shook her head.

"Thank you, thank you. I do my best. Now, Nia give me a hand and break off a dragon's fang for me would you?" I went over and smashed the fangs so she can gather what she could.

"Thank Andraste that's over with. Can we go home now? It's getting dark and cold." Bethany said, shivering.

"Let's go. We're done here for today." We came down from the path and went through the gates of Kirkwall.

"We're heading up to Hightown to talk to Hubert." Hawke said.

"Go ahead. I need to wash off all of this dragon's blood anyway." Hawke nodded at me as Bethany and Aveline went with her toward Hightown. I went back to the Hanged Man and washed off the blood as best as I could. I needed some shine for my armor.

"Already back Knives?"

"Yep. I got to kill a few dragons."

"Oh ho! Tell me all about it." I put my armor on my bed and went to join Varric in his room. I told him about the dragonlings, the dragons, the mature dragons, the pun Hawke made. Varric laughed at that one.

"You've had experience with dragons as well?"

"We had to clear away the dragon cult from the Temple of Sacred Ashes. We fought a High Dragon at the end as well." Varric whistled at that.

"I could only imagine how tough that could be."

"Granted we had a small army with us but eh, it was still hard."

"I knew I should have joined at the chance to go the Bone Pit but you gave me enough details to at least spin a story."

"You writing something?"

"Nah just letting people know about Hawke is all. She is trying to get the expedition on the way. If her reputation is high, she gets more jobs. The more jobs she gets, the more money she gets. And the more money she gets is-"

"The closer we get to the expedition. You really burning for that treasure in the Deep Roads huh?" I said, putting my chin in my hand.

"Aren't you? You've seen those Deep Roads. They have things that have been buried for centuries. Anything we can do to profit for it is all gain on our side."

"I stumbled on my fair share of treasure. There was the dragon in a lair of werewolves that hoarded this immense pile of gold, rubies, weapons, shiny things! Oh we had a field day counting those coins." I said, remembering that small piece in my journey back in the day. Varric laughed. I let out a yawn and rubbed my eyes.

"Bedtime Knives?"

"Yep. If there's one thing I will not forsake, it's my beauty sleep. Good Night Varric."

"Night Knives, come anytime. I'll listen to your stories." I chuckled and went to my room. Not a bad day overall.

9:31 Firstfall 19th

"Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me~. Happy Birthday to me." I mumbled to myself as I got up and put on some of my dried out clothes. I left them hanging in front of the fire in my room after I washed them all. It was uncomfortable sleeping in a thin blanket and underwear but I only had so many clothes to change into. I'm officially 27. I can't believe it. Good bye mid-twenties, hello late twenties.

I was buckling in my armor when my door slammed open.

"Nia!" Hawke shouted. I automatically went to my knives when I got startled. She looked at me nervously before I let out a breath.

"Jesus Christ Hawke, warn someone next time won't you?"

"I need you to punch people in their faces." I chuckled.

"All right. What's the job this time?"

"We need to kill a wanted man by the magistrate."

"Then let's go." I said, buckling in my armor.

"I'm so happy you're the type that doesn't ask questions. Oh and there's another job that Athenril told me about later tonight if you're interested."

"Of course I'm interested. There's not much to do in the city anyway."

"You need to find a hobby. Try knitting."

"I know how to crochet and embroider but I'm rusty at both."

"How did you learn to do that?"

"I was a noble woman's handmaiden for about a year."

"Is there anything you can't do?"

"I can't whistle." I said after some thought. Hawke laughed. I saw Carver, Bethany, and Varric up at the door.

"So all the Hawke siblings huh?" I said.

"I'd rather you call me Carver and not part of my sisters."

"They're your sisters and technically you are Carver Hawke."

"He's the little Hawke." Varric said, opening the door to go out. There was a light snowfall in the city. Bethany automatically shivered.

"Don't…just don't."

"Awww does Carver's manliness get offended by my reputation?" Hawke said, poking Carver's arm.

"Don't you start too."

"Guys for once can't you not fight over every little thing?" Bethany said. They both huffed.

"So…what does everyone think about the weather?" I asked.

"It's horrid. I hate winters." Bethany said.

"Which makes it all the funnier when you're the one with the elemental spells." Hawke said. Carver groaned.

"I have a feeling you don't like them waving their magic around especially in this city." I said.

"They can at least be subtle about it but no, they wave their 'walking sticks' all around the city while any Templar can come and pick them off if they chose to do so."

"You have a point." I agreed.

"Thank you!"

"Carver…be quiet." Hawke said. Carver huffed. We came out of the city near the Wounded Coast. We saw a few guards loitering around.

"I was told that you needed help."

"Ah you must be the reinforcements that the Magistrate was talking about. The man that we were sent for is holed up in the ruins. I doubt he's in one piece with all the wildlife preying in there." An elf man walked up right behind us to the guard.

"So you really are going to apprehended him after everything he's done? Of course a killer like him is going to get special treatment even after he targeted elvhen children."

"What are you talking about?" Hawke wondered.

"The one who's in those ruins has been killing elvhen children! He has dragged my daughter in with him and killed her! I want him dead! Lia isn't the first. There have been disappearances and killings all throughout the years all by that man and he has never paid for his crimes!"

"Elvhen children?" Bethany said.

"Then I'll cut out his throat myself." I said. Hawke gave me a sidelong glance.

"Thank you Serah. It might not bring my daughter back but I'll be damned before I let that man walk again. The justice system here in Kirkwall is flawed against our people. These shemlen have no care of an elf."

"Of course if we find him all bloody, beaten to a pulp, by falling down the stairs or something, it couldn't be our fault." Hawke said.

"Then he'll finally get what he deserves."

"You're making a mistake stranger. You try to deal justice by doing this and the magistrate will have your blood."

"Some have already tried and failed, horribly." Hawke shrugged.

"Then let's go. We can't keep him waiting." Carver said. We went over to the cave entrance. We went down a few stairs and it opened to old dwarven ruins. Not the Deep Roads though. The lava was making it very warm inside giving off light as well.

"Oh this feels so much better." Bethany said.

"I still don't like the underground though." Varric mumbled. We passed by a hallway and three giant spiders were there. "And that's why I hate caves!" Bethany let out a fire blast and got all of them. Carver came up with his great sword and slashed one in half. Varric and I took the last one down as Hawke pushed another spider in the lava. We opened a door and saw a few raiders and looters. We spent a second of silence.

"Kill them!"

"Why did you open the door!?" Carver shouted, running up to them.

"Just swing your sword and be done with it!" Hawke shouted. I side stepped a looter and tripped them into the lava. Bethany froze the other two and Varric got them with Bianca. The last guy was taken out by Carver. Hawke tried the other door but it was busted and wouldn't open. We retraced our steps back to where the giant spiders were and opened the next door. As we neared the center, giant spiders dropped down and hissed at us.

Bethany froze one, Varric shattered it. Carver jumped in the air and smashed his sword into the abdomen of one. Hawke pushed two to the ground, it didn't kill them though. I stabbed my daggers into its abdomen and did a brutal axe kick to the last one, spreading spiders guts everywhere.

"Ugh, I got some on my boots." Varric said.

"I've gotten worse." I said.

"How worse are we talking here?" Carver asked.

"Worse." I left it at that.

Four more came down but I noticed that one of the giant spiders was a different color and size.

"Poisonous spider! Get the black one first!" I said, kicking away another giant spider into the lava. Hawke immediately did a force spell on it and Bethany let out a fire blast that took it out and two more. The last two was shot and crushed to death by Varric and Carver.

"Good this was the last thing on the list for the Herbalist." Hawke said. She let out a disgusting groan as she took out the spider gland. Bethany and Carver laughed at her.

"No but seriously Knives how worse?"

"You try fighting a Broodmother and then we'll talk."

"Ugh! You fought against a Broodmother?" Varric asked.

"What's a Broodmother?" Bethany asked.

"I'll tell you about it later. Right now, let's focus on getting to that guy." I said. We walked down a long hallway into the center of the ruins. Then all hell broke loose when giant spiders, corpses, and an arcane horror came out of the woodwork to fight against us.

"Shit!" Varric shouted. I side stepped everything and jumped and stabbed at the Arcane Horror before it could do major damage. I punched at its 'face' before it bled into the floor. I caught the blade of a corpse and decapitated it then sinking my blades into a spider's abdomen. I saw fire at my peripheral vision, Bethany let out a fire blast. A few corpses and spiders were pushed onto the floor, Varric handled the spiders, Carver smashed the skulls of the corpses. I decapitated another corpse and did an axe kick to another spider. Bethany froze it and it was shattered by Varric.

"More coming!" Bethany shouted as two more giant spiders and poisonous spiders dropped down. Carver let out a shout as his arm got spat on. Hawke was concentrating on her spell and I slashed and stabbed them to get them all in one spot. Bethany ran over to her brother's aid to heal him.

"Out of the way!" Hawke shouted and I rolled out of the way when she let a massive force spell hit the four spiders. The poisonous spiders were the first to go since they were the smallest. All that was left was the two giant spiders. I stabbed into one and Varric got rid of the other.

"How's his arm?" Hawke asked.

"Healed." Bethany assured her.

"That was an experience. Fought against corpses as well Knives?"

"I'm a Champion of Redcliffe so yes I did."

"You were there when you defeated a slew of undead at Redcliffe? Hah! How come no one has written a book about you before!?"

"Because my life is boring." I chuckled.

"I'm fine, leave me be." Carver said, pushing away both of his sisters. Hawke scoffed and rolled her eyes. We continued on and opened the next set of doors to find Lia on sitting on the floor.

"Who are you? No it doesn't matter. Can you please help me? I want to go home."

"Don't be afraid. We're here to help." Bethany said.

"Lia I take it? Your father thought you were dead." Hawke said.

"My father is here? No I'm fine. Is my father safe? Kelder said that he would kill my family if I didn't go with him."

"He's fine. How did you get here anyway? Oh did you get the kidnapper with a good old kick to the groin? That always surprises them."

"No. He let me go. I wanted to go to the entrance but…those things appeared and I couldn't leave. I heard him call for me and I almost went back. I didn't want to be eaten by giant spiders but…Kelder…he hit me. He told me that I was nothing that I didn't deserve this life. I begged him to stop hurting me but then he…changed. Out of nowhere he stopped and started crying. He didn't mean to hurt me. He told me that there were demons inside of his head, they tell him to do these horrible things." Hawke and I both face palmed.

"'A demon made me do it.' Of course. I'll have to remember that the next time I rampage through Kirkwall killing innocent children." Hawke sighed.

"It doesn't matter what he says. Demon or no, there are a lot of cruel people out there princess." Varric said.

"But it's not his fault. You can see it in his eyes."

"He's killed children. He's a monster and he will die." I said.

"But it's not…it's not his fault." Hawke sighed and shook her head.

"Go and run to the entrance. We've cleared the way and your father is worried sick for you." Lia nodded and started running. I glared at the passage way.

"Careful there Knives or you'll make everything go up in flames."

"Killing children is unforgivable in my book." I said. As we headed toward the end of the hallway, corpses came out of the ground. I ran up and decapitated three in a quick succession. At this point corpses were easy to kill. Carver did another two. The other three that were right behind us got pushed to the floor and destroyed by Bethany's flames. We went to the last door and opened it. Kelder was there waiting for us.

"I knew my father would send someone eventually. I was hoping that the creatures down here would kill me first."

"Your father? I was led to believe that you were some criminal on the run not a coward." Hawke said.

"He didn't tell you. The magistrate is my father. Everything that I've done and me, hidden away."

"Protecting his position. I'll never understand politicians." Carver mumbled.

"My father tried to help me but no one can. No one. That girl…she had no right to be so beautiful. They told me to teach her a lesson, just like all the other girls. My father sent me to the Circle. They could have taken out the demons but they lied. They said that no demons resided in me, that I was mad. This isn't my fault. Please you have to kill me." He said, standing up and looking at us.

"I've heard enough." I said and swiftly plunged my dagger into his heart. He gave me a final groan before I took out my dagger and let him bleed on the floor.

"Thank Andraste, I thought I was going mad just listening to him." Carver said. I flicked off the blood.

"I don't get paid enough to do this." Hawke mumbled.

"There are demons in this world, far kinder than he was. Men like him don't deserve to live." I said. "Let's go. I don't want to be here anymore." I said. That was the first time that I came to someone with the intent to kill. The weight has heavy but what he did was unforgivable but what I did was also unforgivable.

God is probably sick of all the forgiveness prayers I've done over the years.

"It seems that he touched a nerve." Bethany whispered.

"We'll talk later Sunshine."

* * *

 **Wow long chapter. Yes I know, no JAnders or Fenris this time around either...please don't kill me.**

 **Shout out to najex for following!**

 **Taffy and Sweetrolls:** _I'm trying to keep you on your toes about JAnders!...Please don't combust, that would make me very, very sad :(_  
 **EG:** _I enjoyed Oblivion better than Skyrim. Fallout is too hard for me lol  
_ **Buggy300:** _Ah yes the chest of monies won't come until much later. Oh and Red Lyrium will make an entrance and...it will suck.  
_ **Guest:** _You make a good point, unfortunately I can't answer because of spoilers :/  
_ **White Story:** _I've gotten complaints on both parts, 'too much he said she said' or not enough. Though you make a point, there are a lot of people so I will make sure to add a few more details so you won't get so confused. And no comment on major character deaths because of spoilers...please don't kill_ me.  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _I'm glad I'm getting the characterization right :3 Oh and that chapter will be glorious, you'll see.  
_ **Sarah:** _I can't wait either!_

 **I see that everyone is in suspense about the meeting between JAnders and Nia...muahaha! Please Review :3**


	6. The Broody Elf

9:31 Firstfall 19th

We came out of the cave and saw Lia hugging her father. For all of his wrinkles, they seemed to ebb away once the worry and hopelessness faded. He gave us a sigh of relief.

"You saved my daughter…I didn't dare hope that she was still alive for…Did you find him? Tell me he died."

"I put a dagger through his heart. He can't get deader than that." I said.

"Good. A man like him needed to be put down. Now I'm glad that we elves finally got the justice we needed. I didn't think we would in a city like Kirkwall. Thank you Serah. I speak for everyone in the Alienage when I say that we are in your debt." He said and nodded his head to me. He and his daughter left for the city.

"Yes, yes, we all feel pity for those knife-ears, but you just disobeyed a magistrate's orders. That's madness." The guard said, shaking his head and calling for the others to go back to the city.

Madness? This. Is. Sparta! I snorted at my internal joke.

"You ok there Knives? You seemed shaken up by all of this."

"How could she not? That man was killing innocents all because of 'demons' in his head? Abominations don't look that normal, I don't think at least." Carver said.

"Abominations aren't human brother." Hawke said.

"If you really want to know why I got so angry, then I'll tell you. I have kids of my own."

"…wait, what? But…there's no record or anything saying that you do." Bethany said.

"I said I didn't come from Ferelden remember? My home has my husband and my kids."

"You're married!?" Carver exclaimed.

"…You know I'm not even going to say anything anymore to that." I face palmed.

"So you just imagined your kids being taken by someone like Kelder then?" Hawke said. I nodded. "Well calm down now, he's dead now. Unless you want to rekill him by making him an undead and killing him again?"

"No. Let's just go. I'll be fine."

"Your broodiness just went up a few notches Knives."

"I don't brood!" Hawke laughed at me for that.

"Well as long as you're fine then we can go to the next job tonight." Hawke said.

"What job? Don't tell me Athenril sent you another letter." Carver groaned.

"What? Of course not…it's just some light reading I had…"

"You are a low person to even keep on working with her." Carver said.

"Hey, do you want this expedition to get off the ground or not? I don't see you actively looking for jobs that we can take. It's always me. If Athenril needs me to take care of something, then I'll do it for the money. I'm trying to get our mother out of that hovel so don't complain if you're not doing the same." Carver and Hawke both glared at each other.

"Huh, so this is what sibling rivalry looks like." I said. Bethany groaned.

"Stop both of you! Let's go home and get ourselves clean! I, for one, am not walking around with spider guts all day!" Bethany said, grabbing both of their ears and pulling them.

"Ow!"

"Ok, ok! I give!" Hawke whined. Varric laughed.

"Sunshine, you do us all a world of good. Let's keep you around."

"Of course I'll be around Varric. I don't think I'm going anywhere." Bethany chuckled. We went back to Kirkwall.

"Are you going to come with us to tell the magistrate that his son is dead?" Hawke asked.

"Sure, can't put the entire blame on you right?" I shrugged.

"Glad to know you're watching my back." We went up the stairs all the way to Hightown. The snow was still falling and I kept on playing trying to catch a few while they were in the air.

"Why does it have to snow!?" Bethany shivered.

"Well if you covered up your goods, I think you would be more receptive to the cold." Hawke said. Bethany glared at her.

"I'm not listening!" Carver said, covering up his ears.

"You are just jealous because mine are bigger."

"Am not!" Hawke laughed. "Come on, you have enough to spare for Nia as well."

"Hey!"

"Still not listening!" Hawke and Bethany laughed while I pouted. It wasn't my fault they didn't grow so big. We saw the magistrate waiting for us.

"Well? I'm sure you have good news then?"

"We killed your son." I said. The Magistrate's face grew red with anger.

"How dare you show your face around me again! If you know what's good for you, you will leave this city or, so help me, I will make sure you'll pay!" The Magistrate shouted at me. He went down the stairs over to another part of Hightown.

"Well wasn't he a jolly fellow? I'm sure you'll want to wash up after that whole business with the spiders. I'll come by later tonight for the mission." Hawke said. I nodded and we went our separate ways. I went into the Hanged Man. There were more people stacked inside to shelter away from the cold weather. I went to my room and took off my armor. I took a towel and cleaned it. It made me focus. I heard a knock from my door and I saw Varric there.

"Getting the spider guts off your shiny armor?"

"Maintenance. You should know with your weapon."

"Ah Bianca? It's true, she does get moody after she fights for too long." I chuckled.

"Bianca?"

"She's been with me for a long time." Varric said, a wistful look on his face. I remember reading-. Of course he-.

"That's a good name but I doubt you came here to tell me of Bianca."

"Tell me Knives, about yourself."

"What's there to tell?"

"Well besides of your daring tales along with the Hero and the Defenders? You weren't always a warrior, were you?"

"…No but why? Why do you want to know?"

"I want to make sure you don't fly off into a rage the next time we're presented with a situation like that."

"Hmph, just getting everything in order in case I snap?"

"What can I say? I need contingency plans."

"Don't worry about that Varric. I might seem mentally unstable but I would never hurt my friends. Well Hawke startled me this one time and I pulled a knife but I didn't attack her. I'm just…tired, depressed, lonely."

"A rough few years?"

"…Yeah. I've been away from home for four years. My son would be six and my daughter would be five. I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss them but I know I'll go home one day."

"Were you banished?" Varric asked softly. I wiped my boots clean.

"Yeah, you could say that."

"What happened?"

"I nearly died and someone wanted to save me by bringing me to a place with healing magic. I can't go back. Not yet at least but hope and faith are two things that are hard to kill."

"Well Knives, for as long as you're here, I've got your back." I smiled softly at him.

"Thank you Varric. That means a lot to me."

"Oh ho! A smile from the brooding princess." I laughed and it wasn't fake. "Come on, tell me more of your stories." I left my armor and went to his room.

"What do you want to know?"

"One word: Broodmother."

"Oh yeah, let's talk about the monster from my nightmares just so I can have them again later at night." I said sarcastically. Varric chuckled at that. I told him about the Deep Roads, how we scoured through them looking for the Paragon Branka. The darkspawn we had to face, the ogres, our walk through the corruption until we ended up in the Deep Trenches.

"A paragon did all that? Just for a stupid relic?"

"Yeah. I killed her too." Varric rubbed his face.

"It almost sounds unbelievable but the fact is that they're encroaching in that territory too from what I've heard."

"Didn't they stop at the Ortan Thaig?"

"Yeah. They're having difficulty trying to gain more land from what I've heard. Past the Ortan Thaig are the breeding nests of the darkspawn but considering that the Keepers are a small Grey Warden army, they've been keeping them back. I've heard of a population boom too." Varric said, drinking his cup. I took a few sips from my own.

"That's good. Your people are flourishing Varric. How does that make you feel?"

"I don't give a nug's ass about what that. I'm not a dwarf in their eyes still, caste or no caste. Do you see me wearing my pin? I don't think so." Varric shook his head. I chuckled.

"I see you two are having a good time without me." Hawke said coming in with Aveline right behind.

"Yo Aveline." I said. She gave me a confused look. "That means hi." Hawke laughed.

"She was telling me about a few of her stories in the Deep Roads. Can you believe she killed the last living Paragon?"

"Hey she wasn't the last. Caridin was the last for a half hour." Varric laughed.

"I'm sure that was riveting to hear. Come on, our contact should be in the Lowtown bazaar now." Hawke said.

"Bethany and Carver aren't with you?" I asked.

"No, I decided to take another partner with me." Hawke said. Aveline chuckled when she saw my confused face. We went outside, it was dark and the snow stopped. Then I heard a bark next to me. It was a mabari hound.

"Good boy! Who waited for me?" Hawke cooed. He barked around her before looking at me. He sat in a rigid position before I crouched before him and rubbed his face.

"Aww aren't you a cutie!?" His tongue came out in happiness.

"Her hound is an excellent fighter, perfect to take down the gangs at night." Aveline said. The hound barked.

"His name is Jarvis if you're wondering."

"Jarvis?"

""There was a story that our dad told us about a very sarcastic but intelligent man. It seemed to fit him didn't it boy?" Jarvis barked some more around her.

"All right, enough dog time. Let's get going." Varric said. Jarvis had his head near my hand, licking it. I gave him a scratch behind the ears before my ears picked up the shuffling of feet.

"We aren't alone." I said. The others turned to me as groups of people came from the shadows, surrounding us. There were seven in total. I ran toward, leg sweeping two to the ground. Jarvis quickly came up on top of them. I slit the other's throat. Varric got to two and Aveline was fighting off the last three. She jumped out of the way of a force spell that knocked them all to the ground. I slit a throat, Jarvis got another, and Aveline stabbed downward on one. Six more came jumping down the roofs.

I did a round house kick on the one that was near me and upper cutted another that tried to slash at me. I saw Hawke push three against a wall and Varric took those as easy pickings. Aveline stabbed through two more and Jarvis was a beast with the last one.

"You would think with the reputation you put out when you were working with Athenril would make them learn." Varric said, putting away Bianca.

"There are stupid people in this world Varric and that won't change." Hawke shrugged. We went up to a dwarf that was picking something off the ground.

"Are you Anso?" Hawke asked. The guy shrieked.

"Blessed stone, you shouldn't startle people like that. You…you're the human that Athenril mentioned? The one that's looking for work?"

"The one and only, don't worry I don't bite."

"Well, uh, I didn't think that you would. I'm very sorry human. I haven't been on the surface for very long. I keep on getting spooked by that big sky up there. It feels like I'm going to fall in it any minute now." Varric chuckled.

"Bartrand was like that. Couldn't step outside without being jumpy."

"I'm digressing. I need your help. I have…misplaced a product of mine. I need it back. The ones who were responsible for delivering it chose not to. I will pay you handsomely if you choose to retrieve it."

"If there's money involved sure."

"Add it to the list of things that I'm an accessory too…" Aveline mumbled. Jarvis barked.

"We already had a discussion about this Aveline. The world revolves around money." Hawke nodded with glee.

"Good. The men have holed up in a hovel in the Alienage. I wouldn't want them dead but if it comes to it, then it's unavoidable. I'm sure they'll be hospitable though."

"Then off to the Alienage at night!" Hawke said. We walked through Lowtown. Jarvis sniffing at various places.

"And there Nia is where I live in case you're wondering of ever stopping by." Hawke mentioned.

"I'll see if I have time in my busy schedule."

"Drop me down next to moping at 2, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I don't mope!" Hawke laughed at me and I shook my head. We got to the Alienage and more highwaymen were there. Five in total. Jarvis launched himself at the nearest one and Hawke did a quick push spell to knock them to the ground. I did an axe kick on someone's head before tackling another guy back to the ground and slicing open his throat. Another one didn't even get up when Varric shot him. The last one was pushed off the wall, his screams in the night before a splat echoed.

Five more dropped down when they saw that we destroyed their first group. I did a leg sweep and two fell down. I smashed in one face and Jarvis took the other one. Two more were pushed over the wall by Hawke and the last one Varric got. I saw a door open and Merrill peeked her head out.

"I thought I felt magic in the air. It's just you Hawke."

"Sorry if we disturbed your beauty sleep." Hawke said.

"You don't get beautiful when you're sleeping but I have seen a few drool. That's nasty and then there are others who speak. Oh I'm sorry, were you busy with something?"

"Just taking out the trash Daisy."

"But where are your bags?"

"He means we're killing the highwaymen that have been going around." I said.

"Oh! Well that explains the bodies doesn't it?"

"Since we woke you up, how about you join us for a job?" Hawke asked.

"Of course! Wait a moment!" She went back in and got her staff.

"Now are there any abandoned hovels around here?" Hawke asked.

"This one seems to be special recently." Daisy giggled with Jarvis bumped her with his nose. "You are such a sweet thing, aren't you?" We opened the doors and went in. There was no one inside.

"Huh? That is odd." Hawke said, opening the next door. It was rigged and it exploded, sending Hawke flying into the wall.

"Shit!" Varric shouted as there were many thugs right inside. Merrill focused and did a lightning attack, hitting every thug in the next room. They were twitching and we took that chance. Varric let fly his arrows, Aveline and Jarvis charged, and I smashed every single face that I saw. My knuckles cracked their bones as Hawke healed herself.

The door flew open and three more came in. I rolled and did a leg sweep, making them all fall down. Merrill commanded some of the loose rock that was in the abandoned house and knocked them all down on the men. Hawke pushed them further with a force spell and they were all squished.

"This wasn't random. This was premeditated." I said.

"Whether they were waiting for us or not, the goods are right here." Hawke said, opening the chest to reveal…nothing. "Or maybe we're being shat on right now."

"Nice analogy." I said. Aveline shook her head.

"Let's go and tell Anso the happy news shall we?" Hawke said, opening the door. As soon as we came out we were surrounded by a well-armed group.

"That's not the elf. Who is that?"

"It doesn't matter. Our orders were to kill everyone who entered the house!" There were eight of them, surrounding us. I had the thought to use my power but I chose not to. Merrill summoned lighting, it arced between all of them and Hawke pushed them away from us. I ran toward the few that fell and sliced and smashed all the throats I could find. I was able to do in three. Varric shot at two more, head shots for all! Aveline rushed the woman and smashed her shield in the face. She grunted in pain before Aveline thrust her blade in the woman's breast plate. Her sword poking on the other side. Jarvis mauled one guy and another got hit by a lighting spell. Two more were smashed against the concrete and there were a slew of bodies all around us.

"More are coming!" Merrill shouted. Four more men came out from the stairs and ran toward us. I evaded a slash and upper cutted one, hearing two cracks, one from his chin and the other his neck. One guy was unlucky to be impaled on the fence by being pushed there by Hawke. Aveline was fighting sword to sword with one before I sank my blades into his back. The last was brought to the ground by Jarvis and shot in the head by Varric.

Then I got hit in the chest by an ice spell. I was sent sliding, my breath knocked from me.

"Enemy mage!" Hawke shouted. The man cloaked himself in a barrier that no one could get through. Another guy nearly got a hit by Merrill but Jarvis knocked him to the ground and mauled his throat out. I growled and I saw the flicker of the spell wavering. I ran toward the mage and, once I reached him, his magical barrier stopped. I tackled him to the ground wasting no time to stab him in the eye. He twitched for a second before dying. I rubbed at my chest, shivering from the cold.

"Here." Hawke said, putting her hand on my shoulder and letting her magic heal me. For a second I panicked and I saw a confused look on her face. No doubt she sensed how little magic she needed to heal me.

"Hawke, these were Tevinter soldiers." Aveline said, distracting Hawke away from me.

"But why would they be here?" Hawke asked as she made her way toward the stairs out of the Alienage. We saw another man come down toward us.

"I don't know who you are strangers but you have made a grave mistake. Lieutenant! Bring all the men to the clearing now!"

I swore you could have heard crickets chirping from the awkward silence.

Hawke looked at him and shrugged her shoulders. One guy came from the corner, blood oozing from his wounds.

"Captain…" He gurgled before falling dead. Then I saw a white haired elf coming down the stairs. His armor had various spikes around and you could see the tattoos that he had on, clear as day. It even seemed like they shined.

"Your men are dead. Your trap has failed. I suggest running to your master while I'm allowing you." He said, walking past him.

"You are coming with me slave!" The Captain said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He glowed blue, posing his hand over the Captain, and putting his hand through the Captain's body. Mortal Kombat would be proud.

"I am not a slave." His face was hardened but surprisingly, he didn't have many lines to speak for. "I must apologize. I asked Anso for a distraction but I didn't realize that the hunters would be so…numerous."

"Oh don't worry about it. Killing hunters is right up there with hunting for money on the things I do well at."

"Impressive. My name is Fenris."

"Eva Hawke, my associates, Varric, Nia, Aveline, and Merrill." He nodded to most of us as Hawke pointed us out.

"These men were Tevinter bounty hunters that were searching to recover a magister's lost property, namely myself. They were trying to lure me out into open space. Their method was crude but I could not face them alone. Thankfully, Anso made sure to choose that distraction wisely."

"If we were hunting down slavers, then it was all worth it." Hawke glared at the bodies that were littered.

"How odd that those words sound so sincere. Usually no one would help unless it was for personal gain. May I ask what was in the chest? The one in the house."

"Empty." I said.

"As my friend describe it." Hawke said.

"I guess it was too much to hope for then…I had to know."

"Was there something you thought was there?" Hawke wondered.

"I was but it was bait just to lure me out. Nothing more." Fenris scoffed.

"I got myself blown into a wall for nothing?"

"No." Fenris said, going through the Captain's pack and taking out a roll of vellum. He didn't open it but stared at the seal. "As I thought. My former master has accompanied them to the city. I know you must have questions but I cannot do this alone. I need to confront him before he flees. I will need your help."

"Hmm you could at least make it worth my while." Hawke said.

"I will repay you, I swear it."

"Then we have a deal."

"Good. His mansion is located in Hightown. We must get there before morning." Fenris said.

"Always going up stairs? When did I ever do so much walking?" Varric mumbled.

"Hawke, is this all you have to do tonight?" Aveline asked.

"It is, why?"

"Because I'm needed tomorrow. Not everyone has miscellaneous jobs and no real one to account for." Aveline said.

"Already abandoning me? I see how you are Aveline. Fine, go if you must."

"We're heading the same way." I said going up the stairs.

"Oooh so exciting. I've never been to Hightown yet. How is it during the day? Do they have a lot of nobles in the city? Do you think they might have a much more comfortable cot on sale?"

"Not during the night Daisy, unless you asked up in the Blooming Rose."

"That's disgusting Varric and you know it." Hawke said. Varric laughed. We followed Fenris through the alleyways up to the stairs that would take us to Hightown. It was odd that he had on no shoes, what is it with elves and no shoes!? Not even Merrill had a decent set of boots on and there was snow on the ground! As soon as we reached the top, Aveline went off to go to the barracks. Merrill's pants were coming out in wisps of cold as well as Jarvis'.

"Wow, so many stairs. I'll have to count them all one of these days." Merrill giggled. Jarvis barked with her.

We went past the quiet market and up the stairs. As we turned toward the mansion, fake guardsmen came out and saw us coming. They shouted as they came up to us. Fenris wasn't having any of and gave out a roar, his lyrium tattoos glowing. His enormous greatsword chopped through four of them at once. I was left their stunned at his power. It turned off though and there were two more. I tackled one close to me and hit at their armor before it dented. I sank my blades deep and pushed him off me. The last one was hit by Varric's arrow.

Four more came from the other corridors toward us. I growled and tackled one to the wall. I hoped that Hawke wouldn't use her spells around Fenris but when I looked he was nowhere to be found. Good. Hawke pushed three against the wall. Merrill used her lighting spell to paralyze them and Varric shot them all through their armor. The last one that fell was being worked on by Jarvis. One came up from behind and Merrill gave out a shriek. She got a deep cut on her arm.

"Ok, now I'm pissed off!" I shouted, dashing toward Merrill and knocking the pretender off his feet. I smashed at his helmet before it caved in. I heard muffled cries of agony before putting my blade in his throat. I saw two archers heading toward us and ran toward them. I did a high kick and knocked my foot on his neck. The other guy took out a dagger but I smashed my elbow on his helmet. I did an axe kick to bring the first guy to the ground again and put my dagger in the second one. Jarvis took the kill from the last one and I let out a harsh sigh. "Merrill are you ok?" I asked. Hawke was healing her arm.

"Fine, I was caught off guard. See, Hawke is already healing me." Merrill smiled.

"Damn, remind me never to piss you off Knives."

"Too bad Aveline went ahead to the barracks. She could have helped us here." Hawke said.

"She'll stop helping you altogether if you keep on taking jobs like this Hawke." Varric commented.

"I need the money. There, now let's find our wayward elf shall we?" We passed the Chantry's courtyard and up some stairs. I saw Fenris there waiting for us.

"I apologize again for leaving you there but I could not let anyone leave the mansion although I've heard nothing from inside so far. Danarius will know that we're here. I wouldn't put it past him."

"What's the worst that can happen?" Hawke shrugged and I face palmed.

"Never say that. You're tempting the universe." I said.

"The what?"

"Never mind."

"We shouldn't be so reckless and charge in without abandon." Fenris came closer to the mansion's door and I pulled Merrill aside.

"I think it's best that you stay out here."

"What? Are you worried for me? Don't worry, that accident won't happen again." Merrill said. I gave out a sigh and looked at her.

"It's not…well, I am worried but…" I looked toward the ground. Merrill gave me a small smile.

"Would you be less worried if I stay out here?"

"Yes I would."

"All right. Thank you. I shouldn't keep you waiting though." Merrill said, looking at the door. I nodded. I didn't want her to go in because Fenris'-. Well time to kick some-.

* * *

 **Fenris is here! Are you guys happy now? Please? :(**

 **Shout out to Mizuki00 for favoriting/following!**

 **ThelonewolfNT:** _It is unfortunately looked down on my family. When I had my own episode, none of my family understood me. Hardest point of my life but thank you! I think I got better at writing over time. I'm proud of myself :3_  
 **Buggy300:** _Of course people wouldn't want to read about Nia! Really her adventure throughout Ferelden? Psh! I"m being sarcastic by the way lol  
_ **EG:** _Oblivion was pretty hard for me at first then I played it on the PC, cheats are awesome.  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Thank you! A far cry from how I started and even I see the difference when I read back my older entries. The Qunari already landed. Nia hasn't gone to the Docks during the daytime to even meet them.  
_ **Taffy and Sweetrolls:** _No! I have Fenris this time around, is that good?_

 **Please Review!**


	7. Cleaning

9:31 Firstfall 19th

"Where's Merrill?" Hawke said as I came inside.

"She stayed out." I said.

"Danarius! I know you're here!" Fenris shouted, crossing the room. I put my hand over my mouth before I began to laugh. I knew that-. Varric gave me a strange look but I waved him away. The first room was a mess though. There were bags of flour all over the place, cracked barrels and vases, boxes of product everywhere, and many overturned benches. We opened the first door.

"Wait." I said, putting my arm in front of Fenris. There were traps right in front of us.

"Nice eye Knives." Varric said, looking at the trap before us. He grabbed a piece of broken glass and threw it on top of the trap, making it explode.

As soon as we crossed into the room, eight shades came out of nowhere in front of us.

"Jesus frigging Christ!"

"Andraste take you!"

Jarvis grabbed onto an arm and pulled the shade down. I stabbed at the one closest to me before being grabbed and tossed into the next group. I felt a moment of panic before Fenris' cleaved through the four that held me like no joke. The glowing faded and Varric, Hawke, and Jarvis ganged up on one to kill it. Two more were left and I stabbed into one's back. It shrieked in pain before I grabbed onto its cowl and punched at its head. It melted and only torn cloths of what it was left on the ground. The last one got in a few arrows before doing the same

"I hate demons!" I growled. Especially ones that get the jump on me.

"Your face is getting red." Hawke snickered.

"No it's not!"

"That is a nice shade!" Hawke laughed.

"Shush!" I said. Jarvis barked around me. I rubbed my face, not liking how the heat was rising to my cheeks. Four more came out of nowhere and I sucker punched one. I kicked the other one to the ground before stomping on it several times. I saw Hawke pushed the other two to the ground before Fenris cleaved through them. He gave Hawke a glance.

"It seems that Danarius thinks his pets can stop us. Danarius! Your pets have been defeated." I had to stop myself from laughing again. At least my blush went away. Curse my cheeks. The whole hallway was a mess and cobwebs are all around the corners. We came into the main foyer where more shades came up. Six of them.

"Don't go into the center! It's lined with traps!" I shouted, punching one out of my way.

"Then let us use them!" Fenris said, pushing two and triggering a trap. The floor burst with a flume of flames, engulfing two of them. I did the same to one and jumped away from the flames. Unfortunately a shade grabbed me from behind and flung me into a portrait that was on the ground. I groaned as my back hit the floor. Another shade was right above me before it got a head shot courtesy of Varric. Hawke pushed the last three into the last traps, engulfing them in flames.

Three more appeared and I got up and tackled one to the ground, smashing it over and over until it bled into the floor. Hawke pushed one to the ground and Jarvis went and mauled it. The last one was chopped in half with Fenris' sword. Then a rage demon came from the ground. Fenris activated his ability and sank his greatsword through the rage demon, the blade turning red hot from its body. It melted into the ground, taking a chunk of the floor with it.

Eight more shades came to life, a few up the stairs to the bedroom. They all converged around us. Fenris released his power and cut three down. Hawke was using his staff to keep them away from her and Varric was pummeling the nearest one with Bianca. Jarvis mauled one out of the group but there were still four. Hawke growled and rubbed her hands together. She sent out a firestorm that rained down on the shades that were left, hitting them with precision and fury.

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?" I groaned, cracking my back. That was going to bruise later, I knew it.

"Reasons." She shrugged. Fenris gave Hawke another glare before going up the stairs and trying the door.

"Locked. The key should be around here. Let us search the rooms." Fenris said. We went through and tried a door that looked like a main dining room but all of the benches and tables were thrown around or propped against the wall. The tiles were all broken, leaving the concrete floors for everyone to see. Five shades came out of the shadows and I did a high kick and brought one to the ground before stabbing it in its eye. Fenris gathered around three and slashed them down. It's been a while since I've seen someone with his fighting style. It brought to mind Sten from way back when. Hawke pushed down one and Jarvis mauled at it.

There were more out in the hallway and Hawke concentrated. She let out a full force spell and I heard the cracks on the tile where the demons fell.

"I hate demons." I mumbled.

"That is not the last of them." Fenris said. We opened another door to what looked like a foyer. It was empty scant for a few portraits. We headed to the next and saw huge barrels of liquor. Then I heard a roar of a rage demon coming out of the floor. Fenris wasted no time in killing it. Two more shades came out and Varric shot one to death and the other was brought down to the ground by Jarvis and chewed on. Four more came and I smashed my fist into one against the wall before I sucker punched it into the ground. I evaded another shade behind me, twirling to its back and sinking my daggers into it. I stabbed at it before it vanished. The other two were pushed down on the ground and killed by Fenris.

He kept giving Hawke these suspicious looks. I knew he was glad for her offer to help but Hawke was a mage. Three more shades came from the hallway and entered the room. I upper cutted one and stabbed another in the eye. Varric shot the one that I hit earlier and Fenris plunged his blade into the last one. I saw a small key abandoned in the room and grabbed it.

"Here." I gave Fenris the key.

"Then it is time to meet my master." Fenris said with hate. We went upstairs and opened it. Unfortunately as soon as we did, an Arcane horror appeared before us with a few shades on the lower level. I growled, annoyed with everything we had to kill and rushed toward the Arcane Horror. I jumped on it, sinking my blades into it. Its levitation could carry us both and we fell over the banister onto the floor. I did a timely roll to not get too much damage from it and smashed the Arcane Horror's head on the ground before it stopped moving.

Another shade grabbed me and flung me against the wall. Two more gathered with it and I had three surrounding me. I saw an arrow go through one and I did a round house kick at another, smashing the face of the last one. They both gave me room to work with. I slashed with no mercy, and stabbed one in the eye. I did another kick and stabbed it repeatedly before it went down. Four more shades appeared, Fenris took down two of them. I grabbed at one and flung it to the floor before doing an axe kick. Jarvis came to finish it off. One down and Hawke pushed it against the floor to be pelted by arrows by Bianca.

The demon battle was over and, for some odd reason, I felt drained more from it than ever. I didn't think it was the constant fighting either.

"He's gone…I had hoped…It doesn't matter anymore. Danarius most likely left valuables behind. Take what you want. I…need some air." Fenris said, going out the main door.

"Well he did say to help myself." Hawke said, rubbing her hands and going up the main stairs. I gave out a weary sigh.

"You doing ok Knives?"

"Just tired is all and annoyed." I said, following Fenris out. I saw him leaning against a pillar outside. He gave me a small look before glaring at the ground.

"There you are! I assume that everything has been dealt with?" Merrill asked, using her staff to draw things in the snow outside.

"Yeah. We didn't find his old master unfortunately."

"Oh, that's disheartening."

"Another mage then?" Fenris said, looking at Merrill and her staff.

"Of course. I never presented myself as anything but." Merrill said. Fenris glared at her before returning that gaze toward the ground.

"I think it's best if you went off Merrill." I said, keeping my eyes to Fenris.

"Oh don't forget Jarvis!" Hawke said, coming out with her pack slung over her shoulder. "You'll need an extra pair of teeth to get back home for sure!" Merrill giggled.

"Thank you Hawke. Come now Jarvis, I think I can find something at home for you to nibble on before I send you home." Merrill said, grabbing her staff. Jarvis barked and they both left. Hawke had a little girl's smile on her face.

"I'm guessing you found some good coin or something to sell?" I asked.

"Yes."

"It never ends. I had luck in escaping a land of dark magic. Now it continues to hunt me at every point. Magic is a plague that has burned itself into my flesh and my soul." I put my hand over my mouth again, not wanting to laugh. I couldn't help but think that was so emo. "And now another mage has graced itself into my company. You were casting spells against the demons. I should have realized what you were sooner. What is your purpose? What manner of mage are you? What are you seeking?"

"Well…to sum it all up I want to survive, protect my family, and give my mother a life that she deserves." Hawke shrugged.

"I have seen the atrocities a mage has done for survival." Fenris said, his stance becoming rigid.

"Hey, you don't talk to my friend that way." I said, coming in between them. Fenris' body language softened.

"I apologize if I seem ungrateful. That is the far from the truth. Danarius is not here but I vowed to repay you. This is all the coin I have and the coin that Anso promised you." Fenris said, giving Hawke a pouch of money. Her face lit up from it. "If you need assistance for anything else, I would gladly render it."

"I just have one question for curiosity's sake. Why is your old master hunting you down?"

"He wants me for my lyrium tattoos. These were carved into my skin to provide him with the power he needed to fuel his spells. He's willing to go tear my skin off for his investment to return to him."

"Ugh, that's an image I won't be able to get out of my head." Hawke said. Fenris chuckled at that.

"I do not know of the ritual that he used to place these markings. It was his choice, one that he regrets."

"I can use your swinging prowess in the near future. I'm setting up an expedition to the Deep Roads. If I need your help for any miscellaneous quests in the future, I'll track you down one way or another."

"You'd need not to look far. I will settle in Danarius' mansion should he ever return."

"In Hightown huh? Well I guess I could walk up these stairs for more than one reason then. Fenris, it was a pleasure." Hawke said, bowing and opening up the pouch to look through the coin. I gave Fenris a glance before going with Hawke and Varric. For some odd reason I kept on feeling guilty for what I said to him. I shouldn't have been so rude. Can you even be friends with someone in three days? Hawke shrieked in delight.

"3 whole sovs! Oh this job was worth it!"

"How close are you?" I asked.

"Close to thirty now from all the looting and selling of junk I could find. Oh it's been a long night." We went down the stairs and I saw the moons peeking out of the clouds that passed by us.

"That Fenris must really hate mages. I would too if they tattooed lyrium on my skin." Hawke said.

"I think there's more to that. I can't believe he's going to stay in that filthy mansion."

"Leave him be, it's his choice. Now to go home and sleep!" Hawke said, giggling all the way to the stairs. "Drinks are on me tomorrow!"

"Aren't you supposed to be saving that money?" Varric chuckled.

"It's just for our little group Varric." Hawke said in a sing song voice. We made our way to Lowtown. Varric and I went into the Hanged Man.

"Knives."

"Varric."

I went into my room. I yawned loudly. I don't even know how late or early it all was. I'm surprised I finished this entry. Sleep now.

9:31 Firstfall 20th

I was groggy when I woke up. I slept past breakfast. The bath was a chore to do and my head slightly hurt from my thoughts last night.

God damn it, I just want to sleep. No nightmares, no dreams, just sleep.

Curse me and my nice ways.

I climbed up the stairs back in Hightown. I almost slipped earlier. That would have been a bad tumble. I saw the vendors selling a few of their wares in the market.

"Hey pretty lady! Aren't you interested in buying some Orlesian silks!?" I went past them. There were people milling about, a few with small dogs that looked like terriers. Some Orlesians flaunting their masks. I went past them all toward the mansions and saw the door to Fenris' place. I stood there for a good minute deciding whether or not this was a good idea.

"Ok I said something rude right? I have to apologize…damn you hand why aren't you knocking or something?" I mumbled to myself. I let out a groan as I saw that other people were already talking about me. I bit my lip and my hand went to the door. I opened it. The inside was messy like it usually was. I really wanted to clean. I could deal with a mess but this was ridiculous. I went past the main entrance and went to where we fought the arcane horror. I saw Fenris come out of his room and looked down on me.

"Yo."

"What?"

"That means hi." Fenris went down the stairs and he was not wearing shoes. Why did that bother me? I had no clue.

"What are you doing here?"

"To say I'm sorry." Fenris raised his eyebrow.

"For what?"

"For what I said to you last night. I know I was defending Hawke but…well it came off mean."

"You had every right."

"It did look like you were about to attack her."

"She is your friend and you were trying to protect her."

"Can you be friends with someone in three days?" I wondered. Fenris chuckled.

"You've only known her for three days?"

"Truthfully I've only been in the Free Marches for three days as well."

"You are strange."

"Thank you." I smirked. "So now that I got that off my chest I can now begin my nefarious plan to clean this place."

"How does that make it nefarious?"

"Well you could tell me no and then I'll disregard that and clean anyway."

"You can do as you please. There is no real reason for me to stop you."

"Good because this place just gets on my nerves. Don't mind me or whatever noise I make. I'll make sure to stay out of your way." I said, taking off my armor and my weapons since I wouldn't need them. I was able to find an over turned armor stand to put it on. I had on my usual black long sleeved shirt, black leggings, and kept my boots on.

"You have very unique items." Fenris said, picking up my daggers.

"Thanks. The daggers were made for me by a master smith back in Vigil's Keep and my armor was made by another master smith in a Dalish clan. I'm pretty proud of them." I said, opening the door to go where the supplies were scattered. I was able to find some cleaning cloth and a bucket. I found the water pump and tried to pump it. I wasn't too surprised that he had dwarven plumbing. Damn, it wouldn't budge. "Hm, that's not good. The water must have froze." I tapped my foot. I wouldn't be able to really clean without water.

I went back over to the supplies all thrown about. I saw a broom mixed in the rest and I decided to use that. I went back to the main hall and Fenris was looking at my breast plate.

"Are there runes enchanted into this?"

"Yep."

"They are of master work."

"Like I said, a master smith worked on them."

"Hm."

I went to the main entrance and swept up all the loose papers and various debris that was there. I felt myself smile as I hummed a small song. Normal things like this tended to make my mood better. No darkspawn, demons, other people trying to kill me, or anything. Just cleaning and that was nice. I moved the bench that was flipped over up right. I sneezed when the dust went up my nose. I went back to the supplies. Fenris was gone. I scrounged around the crates and saw a few random plates. I opened another one and found a feather duster.

"Score." I said. The crate was full of cleaning supplies. It had a few aprons and bandanna. There were more washcloths at the bottom. I put on the apron and pulled my hair back tighter for the bandanna to settle in. I dusted off a few of the cobwebs and went to a fireplace to get rid of all the papers. I swept up all the broken tile and glass into one pile. I grabbed the cloth and wiped the glass as best as I could. They came out super filthy.

"Ugh, and this is just the main entrance…" I mumbled. I took out the portraits that were on the floor into another room. I saw a door that we weren't able to go through last time and I opened it. It was a kitchen. I felt the giddiness inside me grow. This was a mansion and it was furnished with all the best stuff. Danarius didn't even stay here for so long and yet had a king's kitchen. I touched the stove and I felt myself smile. They even had an oven! It was so filthy though!

"How could they even let their kitchen deteriorate like this!? You should never let it get to this mess in the first place." I nodded to myself. My stomach growled and I remembered that I didn't even eat breakfast. With all this cleaning I was gaining an appetite for once. When was the last time I even tasted food? I went back to the water pump and tried again. It moved slightly. I pushed down with all my might but slipped and fell. I groaned and hissed in pain when my hand got cut on broken tile. I took off my bandanna and wrapped it around my hand.

"You…will…move…you…mother…" I strained, then it moved. I did a fist pump and kept on pumping. It rattled before water started to come out. It was dirty at first but I kept on pumping until it came out clear. I got the bucket and filed it up. I grabbed the washcloths and went back to the kitchen. I made the cloths went and cleaned a small portion of the kitchen. I wiped and brushed the grill clean. The good thing was that they had plenty of firewood. I took one of the skillets and scrubbed it down. I found and scrubbed down a pot as well.

"There, now let's get a small fire going at least. There…now…ah ha." I took the flint and made a small pile of wasted paper. I made a small fire going. It wasn't going to be ready for a bit. I nodded to myself and went back to the main entrance and hall where my armor was.

"What are you wearing?"

"An apron." I said, taking it off. I took off the bandanna from my hand to check my cut. It scabbed over. I put on my armor again and got my daggers. "I'm going to pick up a few things from the food market. Do you want anything?"

"Why?"

"I'm going to cook. I'm hungry, for once."

"It does not matter."

"Fine, I can work with that." I said, going out the door. "Ah crap, I forgot my money at the Hanged Man." I went back toward the stairs. The sun was high in the sky when I got there. I got down past the bazaar and into the Hanged Man.

"Nia! Where were you all day?" Hawke said, sitting at a table with Bethany, Carver, and Merrill.

"I was up with Fenris in his mansion."

"Moving fast aren't we?" Hawke said suggestively, sipping at her drink.

"It's not like that." I shook my head.

"Who's Fenris again?" Carver asked.

"The elf I helped last night." Hawke said.

"He looked very sad. I wonder if we could do more to help him." Merrill said.

"Not if you're a mage by his standards." Hawke mumbled.

"Are you going to join us Nia?" Bethany asked.

"Maybe later, I'm cleaning his mansion right now."

"You're what?" Carver asked while Hawke laughed at me.

"It's a normal thing to do. It's a mess. I can't let it stay like that."

"If you're that charitable, perhaps you can clean our home." Carver said.

"Don't push it."

"My home gets messy for no reason. I clean and I clean and I clean and yet it doesn't get clean!" Merrill said.

"That's what happens when you live in dilapidated housing like us." Bethany shrugged. I went back to my room and got my pouch. I emptied my pack that had my extra clothes and bedroll and took it out. I went to the food market and got a sack of rice, a de-feathered chicken, some spices, a few eggs, butter, cheese, and a sack of potatoes. My pack was heavy after getting all of this.

"Hmm I could make that…" I mumbled, going through the city to get back to Hightown. I pulled out my daggers when I sense someone reaching for my things and caught a thief's neck. "Touch that pack and I'll cut you." I growled at him. He shrieked and ran through the crowds. I put away my dagger and went back up the stairs. I switched shoulders whenever the pack was getting uncomfortable. I came back to the mansion. I looked at my work and felt proud. For once in a long time I felt…relatively happy. I hummed softly and went back to the kitchen. I took off my armor again. I saw the fire going steady. I closed the door and got the pot. I filled it with water. I grabbed at the potatoes and used my daggers as a makeshift peeler.

"You are my sunshine…my only sunshine…you make me happy…when skies are grey…" I chopped up the potatoes in chunks and put them in the water with some salt. I put the rice away. I took some of the flour and put it in a plate. I grabbed an egg and cracked it in a bowl, whisking it until it was mixed. I cut off pieces of the chicken, put it in the egg, and floured it. I got the skillet and rubbed some butter on it. I laid down the pieces of chicken and it sizzled slightly.

"You'll never know dear…how much I love you…please don't take my sunshine away…" I cleaned a few more utensils that were around the kitchen. I flipped the chicken and they became nicely brown. I took a whiff and my stomach rumbled.

"Oh God when was the last time I was truthfully hungry instead of forcing myself to eat? The wonders of cooking." I poked at the potatoes now that the water was boiling. I checked the flames and they were going strong. I checked the chicken and they were done. I took out the plates and put a slice of chicken on each of them. I put the rest of the chicken near the window. The cold would make sure it wouldn't go bad. I picked at the potatoes again and they were soft. I grabbed the cloths and dumped the water down the drain. I emptied them out and the steam rolled off them. I tasted one and I made sure to sprinkle them with some light salt and pepper. It was a simple dish. I took out a fork and knife and put them with one of the plates.

I went back toward the stairs and went up to where Fenris made his bed. He was sitting in front of the fire place drinking straight from a wine bottle. He noticed me standing there.

"Here." I said, giving him the plate.

"Did you make this right now?"

"You didn't notice the smell?"

"I thought I smelled something burning." I poked his cheek in annoyance. He swatted my hand away.

"Don't touch me."

"It you say that it'll make me want to touch you some more." I chuckled. Fenris rolled his eyes and started to eat. "You could at least say thank you."

"…Thank you." I nodded and went back downstairs. I sat on a bench in the kitchen and ate. The odd thing was that as soon as I took my first bite, I felt that growing lump in my throat. I swallowed hard and I felt tears in my eyes. I took big bites out of everything. It was delicious.

Then why did I cry?

I put my hand over my mouth and I cried silently. I tried to push it down but I couldn't ignore it anymore.

I'm so lonely. I'm so depressed that just a simple thing like a home cooked meal was enough to bring me to my knees.

I want to go home. I want to go home!

"Did you bite your tongue or what?" Fenris said, coming into the kitchen. I looked at him and he noticed me crying but the thing he said was so random that I started to chuckle and then laugh. "You are strange." I wiped away at my eyes. I wanted to cry some more but I pushed it down successfully this time.

"You aren't the first one to say that." I cleared my throat and let out a breath. "I bit my cheek, it hurt. Anyway, there are some left over potatoes if you want some. Bring down your plate, I'll wash." I grabbed at my plates and went to the sink and with bucket. I rinsed off the plates and tools. He brought me his plates.

"It was simple."

"Oh wow such a compliment." I rolled my eyes.

"It was also delicious." Fenris said. I smiled softly as he handed me the dishes.

"Thanks. I try. Soup is my specialty. Maybe I'll make that next time."

"Why?"

"Well cleaning is a tough job. I'll get hungry while doing it."

"And you are sincerely doing this without expecting any form of payment?"

"Fenris the mansion is filthy. I can't leave it alone like this." He took the dry wash cloth and dried the plates and utensils. "Oh I remembered that Hawke invited me for drinks at the Hanged Man, you want to go?"

"I might as well. There isn't anything to do today."

"Awesome." I said, wiping my hands on my shirt. I grabbed my armor.

"Let's go."

* * *

 **Yes still no JAnders...Sorry everyone that's waiting but isn't it good to have a little suspense?...Right...? No...?**

 **White Story:** _Because everyone loves the angst, broody elf who only wants a hug deep down inside of his little, emotionally wrecked heart! And I actually like Sten. I think he's awesome._  
 **EG:** _Yep, got all the trilogy and I can't wait for the next one!  
_ **Mizuki00:** _Yeah I know my earlier stories has mistakes but there is no beta that can keep with my update schedule. I re read everything about 3 times and check it over before sending it out. Things still get through. I am very sorry that this story has occupied your time so fervently. I get it too when I read a really good fanfic as well. The hypocrisy will be talked about. And yes, Depression. Write what you know, you know? And the future will be awesome to write!_

 **Thank you Buggy300, Taffy and Sweetrolls, Guest, and Chimera Spyke for your reviews! Please Review!**


	8. A New Home

9:31 Firstfall 20th

The walk over to the Hanged Man was silent and slightly awkward. It was also annoying. Fenris was taller than me I knew that when he leaned against the wall. Yet there he was slouching as he walked.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"You're slouching."

"What of it?"

"It's bothering me."

"How is me slouching bothering you?"

"I just want to slap your back and make you walk straight. You're going to develop a hump."

"I will not develop a hump." Fenris huffed. I scowled. I resisted slapping his back.

The sun was setting by the time we reached the bazaar.

"Do you think Hawke is still here?" Fenris asked.

"I have a feeling that yes she is." I opened the door and the tavern was full as always but I heard a ruckus coming from one of the tables. Hawke was there with her previous people plus Aveline and Varric.

"Nia! So glad you can join us! Sit down! Drink a pint!" Hawke said with rosy cheeks. I gave her a flat stare.

"You're drunk."

"Noooo…maybe!"

"She's been drinking since you've left." Carver sighed.

"Hi Fenris! Drink!" Hawke giggled.

"She's funny when she's drunk." Merrill giggled.

"And here I thought you were trying to save money for your expedition." I said, sitting down with Fenris next to me as he reached for a cup. "I'd be careful with that stuff if I were you."

"Let him drink Knives, it'll put hair on his chest."

"I think you took all the hair of everyone in this tavern Varric." Aveline said. Varric laughed and Fenris coughed from the drink. Hawke laughed like it was the funniest thing she ever saw.

"Hey you never told me what a Broodmother was!" Bethany said.

"Oh God, you really want to know?"

"You might as well give your audience what they want Knives." I sighed and took a cup and downed it all at once. I got some cheers from that.

"Ugh." I shuddered. "All right, listen well…" I told them about why darkspawn want women, any women. They feed them darkspawn flesh and flesh of their loved ones. Of how these women swell in size, the changes to their bodies, the tentacles, the ginormous sac right behind them and how they spit out darkspawn by numerous numbers. They were all staring at me with horror.

"This is why they need us, this is why they hate us, why they take us. Why do you think you rarely see women ghouls? And that is the end of my story." I said, sipping at my second cup.

"Oh Sweet Andraste, why did I ask?" Bethany said.

"I'm going to be sick…" Hawke groaned.

"That…is horrifying." Carver said pale faced. I smirked at it all.

"To think that they…no I'm not going to think on it." Aveline said, reaching for another cup.

"How do you know all of this?" Fenris asked.

"You don't get out much do you elf? This is Nia Cousland, sister of King Eren Cousland of Ferelden." Varric explained.

"Princess of Ferelden. You're sitting next to royalty." Aveline said.

"Which I think is still funny!" Hawke said, recovering from the story. Fenris gave me a glance and I shrugged.

"It's true. I got the royal seal papers and everything." I said. Varric laughed.

"You were there in the Blight? Did you fight the Archdemon?" Fenris asked.

"Yes I did. I was up in Fort Drakon and everything."

"Was the tower tall? I could only imagine the sights from all the way up there." Merrill said.

"I was too busy making sure I didn't die to enjoy the scenery." I chuckled.

"Get a load of this! You really think that the fifth blight was real?!" I heard a shout from the next table.

"Yes I do. I was there." The table laughed at me.

"Look here girl, the…oh excuse me, fifth blight never happened!"

"How can it happen in less than a year!?"

"Exactly! No…how can…four Grey Wardens…get all those allies in half a year? Honestly! It's a load of horse shit!" They all laughed and my good humor was all gone.

"How dare you say that. I saw good people die trying to kill the darkspawn and defend Denerim." I said.

"Hah! Nothing you say can convince me! The Fifth blight was all an act! All those people…they didn't die!" The group laughed and I got up from my seat.

"Say that again." I growled.

"Nia." Aveline warned. The guy got up, swaying, but got up.

"The Fifth Blight never happened, wench." He said, his breath smelling like rotten beer. I grabbed his collar and socked him right in the mouth. He fell on the floor, groaning.

"Why you!" The second guy tried punching me but I grabbed his hair and smashed his face on the table. The last guy pulled a knife but I disarmed him and twisted his arm on his back.

"You have no right to say that! You weren't there! You didn't see the people die like I saw! You didn't see how the darkspawn ravaged through the streets, destroying everything in their wake, corrupting everything they touched!" I shouted, nearly crazed.

"Nia! Let him go, now!" Aveline shouted. The tavern was silent. The guy I was holding onto giving small gasps of fear. I realized what I was doing. I let go. My hands were shaking. What the hell was I doing? Suddenly the tavern felt too small. I felt myself grow dizzy. I couldn't stay in there. I ran out of there.

The cold was welcoming. It bit at my skin as I ran out of Lowtown, anywhere, anywhere but there. My breath was coming out in small wisps as I ran up the stairs into Hightown. I was breathing erratically, too fast, too much. I couldn't calm down. My stomach wrenched painfully and I slipped on the slick ground. I gave a yelp as I fell to the ground. The moons were shining so bright. I curled up right there on the ground.

I remembered too much. I remember the first man, bright red blood on pure white snow. The attack on Highever, Orana dying, Aldous' corpse on the floor...I remember Branka, her blood pouring out when I cut her throat. The cultists in the temple, Howe's men, and the people he tortured. I remember the battle, people dying everywhere, the darkspawn ravaging like a plague of locusts, burning, killing, corrupting.

Amaranthine…Sigrun. Seneschal Varel, the soldiers who died trying to protect it.

I gasped and sat against a wall. I felt like I was drowning.

Oh dear God, the memories didn't stop.

I was alone. I was alone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I let out a shuddering sigh. The tears coming down. I couldn't stop them. I held my head in my hands.

How many pints of blood did I spill? How red are my hands, my body?

What am I but a murderer? A killer?

The cold was welcoming. I could distract myself in the cold. I saw the clouds roll by, my breathing finally evening.

What the hell was I supposed to do? What could I say to everyone?

I should have gone back to Vigil's Keep. I should have never been here. It has been four days and I was already giving up.

I was a coward. I heard something though. I looked away from the sky for a second and strained my ears. Jarvis came barreling through, slipping on the snow before giving me tons of slobbery kisses.

"Puh, Jarvis!" He panted and barked at me then went out and barked again.

"Here she, gah!" Hawke slid on the slush as well as Bethany and Carver that followed her.

"Ow! Carver!"

"Stop squirming so much Bethany!"

"Get off of me both of you! Ah Jarvis! No we're not having fun!" I stared at them with disbelief as Jarvis jumped into the mosh of bodies, everyone giving out a cry or a complaint. Aveline came right behind but didn't get caught in the mess of limbs.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"We are very sorry!" Hawke said, crawling over and bowing. It took me by surprise. "Carver! Bethany, apologize!"

"Why should I? I haven't asked for any specifics like you two!" Carver huffed. Hawke pulled him down by his ear while Bethany just bowed.

"We shouldn't have pried into your past." Bethany said.

"We didn't lose anything in the war, well minus our home but no one important like you and that was very insensitive to you." Hawke explained. Carver groaned.

"What she means is we've been acting like asses to you and we're sorry."

"N-No, I lashed out. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be-" I said, standing up from the cold ground.

"You lived through war while we ran. You were there at the front lines, you saw those people fight for their lives Nia. We shouldn't be sitting back and let you explain all of this to us when it hurts you so." Aveline said. "I also told Varric to curb his enthusiasm for hearing your stories. We all want something to bury."

I saw their sincere faces, how guilty they were for making me open up old wounds. I thought I had put it all behind me but I knew the truth. I was running away from it all. The war, the people I saw die, Orana, Eleanor, Bryce, Sigrun, Varel…Anders. My failures. I let out a sob.

"I'm sorry." I said, trying to wipe up as many tears as I could. Bethany came up and hugged me.

"It's ok. We all lash out every once in a while. Some more than others." Bethany took a look at her brother as he huffed.

"You know it's the truth." Hawke mumbled.

"Can we not make this about me?" Carver groaned. I chuckled and pushed Bethany away. The emotions were raw but I felt better. There was a burden and it was lifted slightly. I would still have to deal with it but for now, now it was nice. I wiped away at my tears and let out a breath.

"It's ok if you ask me my stories. I think…I think that would be better for me instead of reflecting on it myself. Besides, I really like telling people about them." I smiled and it wasn't fake. It felt good.

"Good, now that we got all this mess handled, let's go back to the Hanged Man!" Hawke said. Carver groaned face palming.

"I talked to the owner Nia and you're allowed to keep on visiting but he took away your room." Aveline said.

"…He what!?"

"You should be lucky that is all you're getting." Aveline said with a smirk.

"But…where the hell am I going to sleep tonight? I have a bedroll and a tent but it's way too cold to sleep out in the wilds."

"Well as long as you have that, I'm sure you can go ahead and take a small space in our hovel. Just for the moment. I do want you to keep on smashing faces for me. That never gets old." Hawke chuckled. Jarvis barked around me, bumping into me.

"At least he's happy with the idea. Gamlen won't be." Carver said.

"When is Gamlen ever happy?" Bethany wondered.

"Never. Now let's go." Hawke said.

"How much have you spent in drinks already sister?" Carver asked.

"Hmm, thirty silvers."

"Thirty!?"

"What? It was a time for celebration!"

"We're not even at the goal yet!"

"We're more than halfway there!"

"Will you two stop yelling!?"

"It never ceases to amuse me how they fight." Aveline chuckled and I nodded with her. We went back to Lowtown and to the Hanged Man. I saw a few stares heading toward my direction but I glared them away.

"That was a display I won't forget." Varric chuckled.

"Sorry I-"

"Listen Knives, we all have our demons. Some most than others. I'm sorry for dragging them out of you."

"She prefers it actually." Carver said sitting down and I sat down in my own seat.

"Part of the healing process so go ahead and prod her as much as you like!" Hawke said.

"Oh sure I love it when you poke at me for my personal information. It's just a wonderful past time for me." I rolled my eyes. Varric laughed at that.

"But I thought demons only lived in the fade? Are they poking and prodding you too?" Merrill said.

"It's…not like that Merrill." Carver said.

"At least you were able to subdue the men quickly enough." Fenris said.

"…Wait was that a compliment?" I wondered. They all had a resounding laugh. I felt myself smile again.

"There it is the smile of the age." Varric said.

"You're making her red." Hawke laughed.

"You are blushing!" Bethany said.

"It's just my normal flush!"

"Did I miss something dirty again?" The night was spent in normal conversation, Hawke and Carver saying small irritating things to each other, Bethany making the peace, Aveline doing her small comments here and there. Varric putting in small stories here and there. Merrill saying things that didn't make sense sometimes and Carver attempts to flirt with her. Fenris and I weren't saying much though, just watching it all.

"Ok it's getting late. We should get home before mother worries again." Bethany said.

"How much did we…a whole sov!?" Hawke looked surprised when Norah came with the bill. Varric laughed.

"That's what you get for drinking like it was water." Aveline said. I saw the hurt in Hawke's face. I sighed and reached into where my pouch was safest.

"Do you always store money in your chest?" Varric asked.

"It's where they don't touch at least. Here, drinks on me tonight."

"How much money do you have?" Carver asked.

"A lot." I said, putting it away.

"Come on Nia, get your things. Jarvis is going to be happy that he'll have someone to sleep with tonight." Hawke said, tapping me on the shoulder.

"Of course because I so missed the smell of dog." I rolled my eyes. We bid good night and I followed the siblings to their home. They opened the door and it looked like shit. I pitched my tent as if I was outside and put my bed roll in there. Carver snuffed out the candles and Jarvis cuddled near me. I brought a small candle to write. It was something.

9:31 Firstfall 21st

"What in the blight is this!?" Was the first thing I heard when I woke up. Jarvis was dreaming and kicking slightly.

"Gamlen our friend needed to-" I heard Bethany say.

"I don't care! We're not a charity, get them out of here!" I rubbed my face and got out. Gamlen was a wrinkly old man with slicked back greasy hair and a greasier attitude. "You, get out of my home." I sighed, reached back into my tent and took out a sov.

"Here, for the night at least." He caught it with wide eyes. "Bethany, good morning." I said, taking down my tent.

"I haven't met much of my children's friends. It is very nice to meet you. My name is Leandra." She said coming up to me and shaking my hand. Her hair was bunched in a low ponytail and she had warm honey colored eyes.

"My name is Nia. Thank you for letting me stay, well it was Hawke's idea."

"Eva is always such a nice girl, a bit thorny on her bad days though." Leandra chuckled.

"Thank you mother for that description." Hawke said. It was weird seeing them all in normal clothes and not just their armor. Carver was sitting on a stool near the only table they had.

"Well if you're paying like this then I wouldn't mind-"

"It was only for a night." I said, Jarvis groaning when I took down my things and putting them in my pack.

"Then where are you going to go after this?" Carver asked.

"The Hanged Man can't be the only inn around here." I shrugged.

"You can stay." Bethany said. "Of course you'll have to make sure that Gamlen won't steal your belongings." Gamlen huffed. I could see the family resemblance between Carver and Gamlen. I buckled in my armor and grabbed my back.

"No I think I don't want to stretch your hospitality."

"Please protect my children when they ask you for help." Leandra said.

"Mother…" Carver asked.

"I know what you are all doing to gain what you can to get the expedition. The Viscount told me about how he'll talk to me once you go. I don't want to lose any of you. I almost lost you Bethany."

"But you didn't mother."

"Don't worry. I'm good at protecting people." I said. Jarvis barked with me. "Time for me to go then." I opened the door and went out. It was what I said to ease them but at the moment I had no clue where I could go. I could go to Darktown and camp out there for the time being. There was one place I could go to waste time though.

I went up the stairs to Hightown. I maneuvered around the city and found Fenris' house. I opened it and left my pack by the door. I really had to do something with the broken glass and tile. There was no landfill I could have thrown it in. I put my armor on the stand in a corner and went back into the kitchen. I put some chicken in a pot, saving the bones in a smaller pot. My breath was coming out in wisps as I took out the remains of the fire from yesterday and made another fire. At least now I had charcoal to write/draw with. I made my bucket with water.

I wringed out my cloths and cleaned parts of the kitchen. I took down the moth eaten curtains and put them away. The light streamed in from the sunrise and I lightly moaned, feeling the warm sun. I put the tables back into their places from when they were tossed. I made a trash crate and put in all the broken tiles, papers, and other things that I saw.

I dusted the corners and swept the floor, humming songs that popped into my head. I wondered how the songs changed back home? I made a small fire in the fireplace to make the room warmer. I checked the chicken and it was done. I left it to cool near the window and used the simple broth and cooked the rice in it to make a pilaf.

I used some simple spices to make the pilaf tastier. I washed my hands as I took apart the cooked chicken. After that I whipped up some of the eggs and tossed it with the chicken. I put a skillet and stirred the rice.

I used a spoon to spoon in the chicken egg combo. I washed away a spatula and flipped the chicken. I covered the pot and put it in an area where the fire rarely reached.

I left the chicken in a plate, waiting for the rice to cook.

"Just give me a reason…just a little bit's enough…" I pushed another bench back to its position and wiped it away.

"What are-" My hands immediately went to my daggers and I pulled one out. Fenris gave me a flat look. I let out a breath.

"Jesus Christ Fenris, at least knock on the door." I put away my dagger.

"You are cooking." Fenris said.

"Yes Mr. Obvious." I rolled my eyes. He glared at me for that one.

"I thought you were staying with Hawke."

"I only stayed with them for the night. There's nothing for me to do so I came back up here to achieve a sense of normalcy." I went to my pot and the rice was done. "Hmm, that smells good. Grab a plate." Fenris shrugged and did so. I put the chicken sliced patties and some rice in it. I put in a dash of salt over it. "The forks, spoons, and knives are in that drawer." I said, making my own plate. I heard his stomach rumbling from across the room and chuckled. "I'm guessing you haven't had breakfast yet?"

"No." He said, blowing on the hot rice. He sat down on a bench that I placed and I went to sit by him. I was making a mental note on what to include in the kitchen. "It's good."

"Thank you. I made it with love." I fake swooned and ate. Fenris chuckled.

"You' have made progress. I saw the main entrance."

"Slight progress. It's a large mansion."

"Are you planning on going through every room and cleaning them?"

"Yeah. I put it on my list of 'Shit I want to do.' The only problem is where I'm going to dump all the broken tile and glass."

"Dump it in the sea."

"That's dangerous though."

"Put it in Darktown."

"People live there Fenris."

"Sell it."

"Do people want broken tile and glass?"

"I am only listing options." Fenris said. I groaned. Fenris went up to get himself a second plate. "Why are you saving these?"

"Bones are saved to make broth. All the flavor are always in the bones." I said, getting the bucket to rinse off the plates.

"…You really have no place to go?" Fenris asked, drying the plate beside me.

"No. I was thinking of maybe going to Darktown, camping there maybe." I didn't think any inns would even let me stay at their place from what I showed at the Hanged Man.

"If you are willing to do as much work as you say you are going to do, then you can stay here. I would not mind it." Fenris said. "As long as you keep cooking." He chuckled.

"…Are you serious? You're not pulling my leg or anything?" I said with a raised eyebrow.

"Do not look a gift horse in the mouth." Fenris said. I smiled rinsing off the plates.

"Then I'll take your offer." I took the extra patties and put it in the pot with the rice. I covered it and went to put on my armor again.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"I'm going to leave this with Hawke's family, as a thank you of sorts. I hate letting food go to waste."

"I will come. You never know when an opportunist will try stealing your food."

"Aww thanks!" I said, poking his cheek. He swatted away my hand.

"Do not touch me. This is only repayment for the food you have made."

"Nice to see I can at least buy favors off of you with food."

"It is because it is delicious."

"I have experience." I shrugged. Fenris came behind me, closing the door. His sword was huge and I wondered how he even lifts that thing when his muscles weren't as big as I thought.

"You are staring at me."

"How do you swing that thing around or even carry it? You look…well it looks like you don't have the muscles to use it."

"The lyrium tattoos enhance my strength along with giving me abilities that cannot be seen anywhere else."

"It almost sounds like you're proud of them."

"I'm not. They are a useful tool and one I will use against my previous master."

"More power to you then." We climbed the stairs all the way down to the alley ways that would lead us to Lowtown. Fenris knocked on the door considering I had my hands full.

"Nia?" Carver wondered, opening the door.

"Hey, I made some extra food and thought you'd like some." Carver stomach rumbled at that point. I chuckled.

"Come in." Carver said, giving us room to go in. Fenris had a disgusted face at the home. Gamlen was gone and Bethany, Leandra, and Hawke were sitting at their small table.

"Nia, back so soon?" Hawke said, crossing her legs. "And you've brought our favorite brooding elf."

"I don't brood." Fenris said. Hawke laughed.

"He's just like you!"

"Eva!"

"No." Fenris and I both said which made Hawke laugh harder.

"Here, I brought extra food. I didn't want it to go to waste." Bethany opened the pot.

"Mmm! That smells so good!"

"Thank you. That was very thoughtful Nia." Leandra said. I rubbed my face sheepishly.

"You're turning red again." Bethany said.

"I was just out in the cold."

"Your denials just make you redder." Carver said.

"Shush!"

"Don't embarrass the poor girl." Leandra said.

"Any new jobs?" I asked. Hawke sighed.

"None so far." Hawke groaned, eating some rice. "So have you gotten a place yet or do I have to use Jarvis to track you down every single time? That is a lot of walking and, although I have a few pounds to lose, I'd rather know where you are." I nodded at Fenris.

"He's letting me live in his place." I said, nodding at Fenris. Carver choked and Bethany's eyes widened. Hawke laughed.

"Forward much?"

"It's not like that." We both said and glared at each other. Hawke was almost falling to the floor.

"Oh you are perfect together! The brooding couple!"

"I don't brood!" We said it again at the same time.

"I propose we get out of here before Hawke dies of laughter." Fenris said.

"I agree." I said. Hawke couldn't even laugh correctly anymore.

"Eva!" Leandra scolded her.

We left them and got out. I snorted out some laughter though.

"What is it now?"

"It was kinda funny. We're in sync." I chuckled. Fenris groaned and rolled his eyes. "Hey Fenris, thank you for letting me stay with you." He nodded and we had a comfortable silence. We passed the Hanged Man.

"I can't believe I drank their swill."

"It kills your taste buds at least."

"Hmph."

We went up to Hightown, the sun starting to set. I had a dilemma though. Where was I going to sleep? I went up the stairs and Fenris was staying where Danarius used to sleep all with a bed of his own. All I had was a bed roll. I went into one of the rooms and the dressers and drawers were all thrown about, various papers, glass, the bed frame was broken, and the mattress was torn to shreds.

"I guess it's only the bedroll for me before I go out and a bed." I mumbled.

"Can't you fix the broken bed frame in here?" Fenris asked.

"I can do many things Fenris but a handywoman I never was."

"Pity."

"I know right?" I swept up all the things on the floor while Fenris went back to his room. I was able to make it look nice when I heard a shatter from Fenris' room. He threw a wine bottle at the wall. "Did you just do that?"

"Yes."

"Fenris that is stupid to do. For one, you'll stain the wall with the wine, two, you're making a mess of your room, three, the glass travels at a high speed that you know and you're going to hurt yourself."

"I am glad to see you are more worried about the wall than of me."

"Just keep wine bottle shattering to a minimum." I said, going out. After cleaning what I could of my room, I went down into the kitchen. I put potatoes to boil. I went through the crates and took out a few glasses that weren't cracked or shattered and rinsed them off before putting them away. The potatoes were done and I mashed them up before putting slices of cheese on them. I made simple fried eggs to go along with it. Fenris appeared at the door and I gave him his plate.

We ate in silence but it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact I relished it. We didn't need to ask countless questions about ourselves. We just were.

And for once I was happy for that.

* * *

 **Healing takes time but one small step is still a step. Yes I know still no JAnders but trust me it is coming soon!**

 **Shout out to Casmir1080 for following!**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _I love your reviews, always getting to the heart of the matter. Who knows how long. After all, once DA I hits, she would have been in the world for 13 years. A very long time to wait._  
 **Buggy300:** _Your penchant for finding my foreshadowing always brings a huge smile to my heart! Oh and she didn't stalk Anders, she merely wants to stop the war, which includes him. A means to an end basically, no attraction whatsoever.  
_ **Mizuki00:** _They are very similar characters with the whole hair in the eyes, vowing for vengeance and stuff. Thank you for looking out in my writing :3 It will be a trainwreck, mark my words!  
_ **Casmir1080:** _I love to take things slow. There will be romance for Hawke of course but I never give away spoilers so you'll have to continue reading if you want to know._

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, EG, ThelonewolfNT, and Undeadhero143 for reviewing! Please Review!**


	9. Anders

**The chapter you've all been waiting for! :D**

* * *

9:31 Firstfall 22nd

I moved the portraits that were doing nothing but taking space, over to where those big casks were. They were various portraits of famous people but I had no care for someone looking at me. I remembered that Nathaniel hated his portrait of his mother. I had it replaced with a painting of a cat. He laughed at it when I remembered.

The kitchen was fixed for the most part. It was empty though. I needed to buy a few essentials spices and garlic cloves. I put down a mental note of maybe doing a small herb garden.

The dresser and drawers were a pain to move. Fenris had to help me with that. I took the broken bed frame down to use as extra wood in the kitchen. I also moved the papers over to the kitchen. They were mostly of Tevinter history that I couldn't read due to language barriers.

"I'm going to need to pay for someone to make me a bed frame…and the mattress…" I said, writing down all I needed. I counted my money. From renting the room, the food, and the one sov with Gamlen, I only had 14 sovs, 53 silvers, and 10 coppers. I had to make sure to account for every cost. Food was always a cost that I made sure I would always spend on no matter what. I sighed, the stool I found wasn't that comfortable. I needed a table and some comfortable chairs.

I was not a handywoman. All I knew was to fight, manage money, and do various odd jobs. I stretched and cracked a few bones. Still, I was enjoying this better than the constant flux of battle. I needed to relax. I had gotten some soap earlier in the day from the Hightown market. One smelled like lavender. I went down toward the bath. Luckily we had two separate baths. I had taken the one downstairs. Fenris had one connected to his room. I used the pump and boiled the water to offset the freezing water. I put my clothes on a crate and went in the water.

"Ah…" The water was a nice warm temperature. The house was a different matter. I sang a song, washing away all the dust and grit I've accumulated during my cleaning. It felt so good but the water was losing its heat. I got out and dried myself quickly. I brushed through my hair, letting it fall on my shoulders. I looked at a mirror that wasn't cracked. There were bags underneath my eyes and I looked pale. I sighed. Step by step, day by day. I have to remain focused. I put a towel on my shoulders to make sure my hair didn't make my shirt wet.

There were a few more things to get so I can also do laundry at least. Another thing to add to the list. Jesus Danarius, couldn't have you let your house be furnished with the necessities at least? I wiped at the windows looking out into the courtyard. It was in disuse and filled with snow. I looked out and saw a few nobles engaging in…extra-curricular activities.

"And it looks like I need curtains as well. Great." I rolled my eyes.

9:31 Firstfall 23rd

I have been taking some of the leftover food to Hawke's house. They've been extremely thankful for it. Fenris accompanies me in order to make sure the food didn't get stolen. A few hungry people in Lowtown have only been giving me stares, nothing bad.

I had made a stew with some venison that I bought, potatoes, and carrots.

"Mmm! This is soo good!" Bethany said. I chuckled as I saw all of them, minus Gamlen, enjoy the stew.

"No wonder you told her to stay with you Fenris." Carver mumbled.

"Go ahead and propose to her while you have the chance!" Hawke chuckled.

"No." Fenris said flatly.

"How can he anyway? I'm married remember?" I said, petting Jarvis as he was in my lap.

"That figures actually." Fenris said. I smirked.

"And here I was hoping to marry you off to Carver." Leandra sighed.

"Mother!" Carver exclaimed. I laughed.

"Well at least I didn't have someone disbelieve my marriage outright." I mumbled.

"With the way you work in the house, I am surprised you haven't had more offers." Fenris said.

"Eren wanted to at one point."

"King Eren, the man who's now your brother?" Hawke said.

"Eva don't lie." Leandra said.

"She's not." I brought the papers and gave them to Leandra. She gaped.

"Then you are the commoner princess!" She gasped. I laughed at her shock.

"Who cares? She has no power." Fenris said.

"Thank you Fenris for that perspective. Don't start with the 'my lady' bull either. It's just a fancy title."

"Still, Prince Carver of Ferelden has a nice ring to it." Hawke said.

"Don't start Eva, what would Fenris think?" Bethany said.

"We're not together." We said at the same time.

"They're in denial." Bethany said.

"Very much so." Hawke said. I rolled my eyes and Fenris groaned.

"Now, now, if she is married then it's an insult to her husband." Leandra said.

"Thank you."

"But you wouldn't mind my son would you?"

"Mother!" Carver shouted. I laughed.

"Sorry, Carver isn't my type."

"Glad to see that." Carver mumbled.

"Oh I tried." Leandra said, putting away the stew that was finished. I picked up the pot. "It was delicious, thank you Nia."

"You're welcome."

"Makes me wonder if we can all live with Fenris so we can eat your cooking more." Hawke said.

"No." Fenris said.

"He just wants her all to himself." Carver said. The three siblings laughed with each other.

"See you Hawke, Bethany, Carver, Leandra."

"You'll be the first to know about a job!" Hawke said. We went out and walked to Hightown.

"I wonder when they'll quit with that talk."

"A few weeks." Fenris said.

"10 silvers that it'll be longer than that." I bet. Fenris chuckled.

9:31 Firstfall 24th

My crate filled with broken glass, tile, and other dangerous items just kept growing.

And I glared at it with a passion.

"What the hell am I going to do with you?" I mumbled to myself.

"Dump it in the harbor." Fenris said, eating a soup with bread toasted with butter.

"I can't do that! That's dangerous! What if it gets on shore?"

"It is only a suggestion." I glared at the crate and kicked it.

"I hate you." I mumbled.

"I have not done anything to warrant it."

"Not you. I don't hate people or at least I try not to." I ladled some of the soup for myself.

"Why not?"

"Because it's too heavy a burden to carry. Hating people is hard work." I said. Fenris scoffed.

"It is not."

"Maybe to you. You have a reasonable excuse to hate your master after all he's done to you but…I'm not like that. Hating makes me hate myself more. I don't like being like that. I try to be a good person."

"You are a good person."

"Nice to see that you think of me like that. Give it a few more years." I chuckled.

9:31 Firstfall 25th

"Come on Fenris, I don't want to go to the Hanged Man alone." I said, poking him on the cheek. He swatted my hand away.

"Do not touch me and I am not going."

"Please?"

"The please does not make it more inviting."

"Come on, I embarrassed myself the last time I was there and I really don't want to go alone!"

"Hawke and the others will be there."

"That's not the same." I mumbled. I crouched in front of him as he was drinking and stared at him. He stared back.

"Stop."

"Not until you agree to come with me."

"No." I groaned and sat back on the floor.

"Then I'm staying to annoy you."

"How wonderful." I watched the fire in the fire place.

"Hey Fenris, aren't you at least a bit curious as to who I am?"

"You are Nia Cousland, commoner princess, Defender of Denerim, Champion of Redcliffe, what else is there to know?"

"You don't want to know how I got all those titles?"

"No. There is no point. All I require is whether you can guard my back."

"Hmm."

"And you are not curious about my tattoos or my past?"

"I won't lie that I'm not curious because I am but I'm not going to ask if it makes you uncomfortable. I like what we have now. I'm not going to ruin it because I can't keep my nose out of people's business."

"…Thank you."

9:31 Firstfall 26th

I hummed softly as Fenris and I walked through the Lowtown bazaar. I already got more food for the next few days but I was looking for a carpenter to make something for me. I was getting tired of sleeping on the floor. At least dirt had more cushion.

"Do you really think you will find someone here?"

"It never hurts to look. The people up in Hightown charge way too much."

I eventually did find one and he only charged me a sov for a single bed frame, the mattress, and to fix the drawers and the dresser.

"You see Fenris? I told you I would find one." I giggled. Fenris rolled his eyes at me.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." Hawke said, Merrill behind her.

"Hi Nia!"

"Hey Merrill."

"What are you doing in Lowtown?" Hawke asked.

"Carpenter. Even sleeping on the floor gets tiring for a while."

"I thought you two slept together? Hawke told me you're living together." Merrill wondered. I face palmed and Hawke laughed at me. "I said something dirty didn't I?"

"Merrill I'm so glad you're you." I chuckled.

"We're going to the Hanged Man. Want to come? You might as well, it is getting late." Hawke shrugged. I sighed.

"Alright."

"Do I need to go?"

"Yes because I said so." I said. Fenris groaned.

"You see? Totally in love with each other." Hawke said.

"Mmm I don't know, that glare doesn't look like love."

"Can you two just shove it?" I said, opening the door. I looked to the bar again and gave out a sigh.

"You want anything?" Hawke asked.

"Hm? No." We went over to Varric's room.

"Ah just the two people I want to see. Knives, Hawke, Broody elf, Daisy."

"You said two." Hawke said, sitting down.

"Ok maybe just you and Knives. Doesn't hurt to see Daisy and the Broody elf though. Here's the thing. My brother can get us to the Deep Roads but what we need is a good entrance."

"Isn't any entrance a good entrance? Besides a dragon sitting on it I guess." Hawke said. Varric chuckled.

"No we need a good solid entrance, one that hasn't been plundered or has darkspawn in it, we need-"

"Grey Warden maps." I said.

"Exactly. I have heard of a Grey Warden healer that came with a few Fereldan refugees not long ago. He's been healing people down in Darktown. The thing is, he is very well guarded and only one knows his location. A woman by the name of Lirene who's also been helping those refugees. We talk to her, we can find him." I felt a knot in my gut. I already knew-.

"Then she's right around the corner. We might as well go and have a little chat with her." Hawke said.

"Can I come?"

"Merrill you're already with me so yes you're coming. Nia?"

"I'm coming." I said. Fenris was right behind me. We went out to the bazaar where we found Lirene's Ferelden Imports. As soon as we came in there, there were shouts about various illnesses, injuries, births. There was a donation box near the door with a guard looking over it. I slipped a few silvers in there and made another mental note to help these refugees later on.

"If you're here for help then you can sign your name in the list over there. We help all Ferelden refugees but if you're with lodging and work, you will not be prioritized." Lirene said, looking at all of us.

"Oh we're not here about that. I hear that you know of a Fereldan Grey Warden." Hawke said.

"The only Fereldan Grey Warden I know is sitting on the throne. We have no blight. Why do you want to know of a warden?"

"The healer was a warden once, wasn't he?" Hawke asked.

"He was but no longer and he is busy enough without any strangers asking questions about it."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind answering a few of mine." Hawke said.

"I don't want to cause him unnecessary trouble. There are so many refugees that sold all they owned to get here to Kirkwall. They have no jobs, no homes, and most can scarcely afford bread. The healer has served them without asking for coin. He's healed wounds, delivered children."

"And he needs to hide?" Hawke wondered.

"He is an honest man and I won't lose him to Templars."

"We won't harm him." I said.

"He's an apostate and the Templars will find him quickly enough." Fenris said. I shoved him and he glared at me. Lirene sighed.

"I suppose it isn't a secret when most know of it. Anders had made sure to advertise himself enough with all that he's done. Refugees know, to find the healer, look for the lit lanterns. If you need him, he'll be within." Lirene said, before going off and helping the people. I felt a lurch in my stomach and not because of Anders but for the people. Eren was only able to help so many.

We came outside and there were a group of refugees that were armed waiting for us.

"Hey we heard you talking about the healer in there. He is a good man and I will not let him be taken by the Templars." The man said. Fenris went to his sword and I shook my head.

"We-" I pulled Hawke aside.

"We won't harm Anders. We're Fereldan as well." I said softly, making sure the tension in my body was gone.

"Is that true? I'm sorry Serah but from your clothes I had assumed. Maker bless the rule of King Eren." He bowed and they left.

"That was…impressive." Hawke said.

"You have to remember that you can avoid situations like these. Let's go." I said. Darktown was in the bowels directly underneath Hightown where most of the sewers connect. As it was an old mining complex, it had tons of room and extremely easy to get lost. Picture the French catacombs with all the winding tunnels, dead ends, unexpected drop offs, and you get Darktown. It also stank to high heaven. I could only imagine how this would get during the summer months. Damn sewage. We went to the edge of Lowtown right where the lifts still worked. There were other ways in but, as rickety as the lifts were, you had less chance of ambush taking them.

"So since you knew many Grey Wardens, do you know of this Anders?" Hawke asked. I scowled. "I'm guessing you do. Then once comes the time when we ask him for the maps, I will want your support."

"And you'll get it." We went to the lift where the people sent us down. I could already smell the rot and the stench coming from it. To think that I was going to stay here when I couldn't find any place else. That would have been horrible. I would have done it even so.

"What is that stench?" Fenris asked.

"Do you really want to know?" I said. He shook his head.

"All right time to look for a lit lantern everyone and make sure you don't get cut down here. I would hate to see anyone of you die from disease."

"I think we'll mostly die from inhaling whatever that is." Merrill said, covering her nose. "Even the aravels never smelled so much." I felt it, that anxiousness returning. I was going to meet Anders after all this time. We went down the stairs and there were lit torches but no lanterns. It was nearly a maze with a lot more carved out passages than what I remembered. After searching through hallways, passages, and glaring away people that seemed to do us harm, I saw them.

"There." I said. I saw two bulbous lanterns overhead two doors.

"Good eye. Oh and there's the entrance to my mother's home. How coincidental." Hawke wondered.

"There are no coincidences." I said and we came closer. My stomach dropped to the floor. I knew I wouldn't be able to go inside. Hawke opened the door and the rest filled in but I stayed out, leaning against the wall outside and I took off my glove. It was time for payback.

"Who are you to threaten this place? I have made this for healing and salvation!" I heard Anders say.

"Aren't Wardens supposed to shout darkspawn this and taint that? Odd that one has centered itself solely on healing." Hawke said.

"Did the Wardens tell you to bring me back? I'm not going. One killed my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-a-lot. I can only hope that he died of starvation instead of being eaten."

"Umm well no. No one told me to send me here. Well truthfully I'm here because of maps. I'm sure my friend can explain it to better, she knows you…wait a minute, where is she? Nia?"

"…Did you just say Nia?"

It was now or never. I took a breath and steeled my heart. I came out of my hiding place and saw Anders. He was gaunt with the same feathery robes that he always preferred. He looked worn out, weary, but his face lit up when he saw me.

"Nia…? It…it really is you! I can't believe-" He came at me with an intention to hug me.

The rage burst from the dam. I held my hand high without the glove and slapped him, hard. A punch would probably have killed him after all of my fighting experience. He staggered, nearly falling if it wasn't for his staff.

"That's it?! Do you really think I'd be happy seeing you after all this time after what you did!? You liar! Now I'm only going to tell you this once: my friend here is going to demand assistance and you better help her or I'll…I'll…" It was too much, too much. The walls were closing in, my heart was beating too rapidly, and I felt like I couldn't breath. I had to get out of there. The tears were already collecting in my eyes. I ran out of there. I had to breathe, I had to run. I ran up the stairs near one of the lifts, I shoved people, I needed to get out, run.

I had to breathe. I leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor, not caring about whether or not I was sitting in dirt or something worse.

Anders left. He promised. He broke it. He broke it.

All those people dying, Sigrun dying, for what? Why did they die? Why did he have to leave?

I failed. I failed.

I sat there, holding my head in my hands, reminding myself to calm down, breathe. I had to breathe. I let out a shuddering sigh, my tears going down my cheeks.

My failure. My failure.

It won't go away.

Breathe.

I pushed it all back down. I couldn't let myself be lost. Not here, not yet. No, I still had a job to do. I wiped my eyes and looked toward the lift. The sun was pouring down. I stood up when I saw Fenris coming toward me alone with the others.

"Well that could have gone better than expected. He still agreed mind you but we'll have to do a job for him. Jilted lover perhaps?" Hawke said. I laughed bitterly.

"He betrayed me." I said softly.

"He is a mage." Fenris said.

"Not all mages are like that." Hawke said. "I need to ask though, will you be alright for tonight? I can't have you-"

"I'm fine...I'm fine. That was…a mistake on my part."

"What did he do? If you don't mind me asking." Merrill asked.

"He made a promise. I helped him and then he betrayed me. That's all but that won't let me stop your plans Hawke. I'll be there tonight. Actually I would prefer it if you took me." I said. Hawke gave me a questioning look before sighing.

"Ok but you need to be on your best behavior missy, food or no food." Hawke said, pinching my cheek. That made me chuckle. Fenris gave me a glance but I shook my head.

"What's the plan?"

"He has a mage that he wants to set free in the Chantry. We are to deliver him out." Fenris said.

"We're going to need to be careful. The Chantry has a lot of Templars." Hawke said. "Carver might help out. Fenris you're coming, Nia as well, and Varric should come. He was the one that led me here."

"Oh I'm not coming?"

"There are going to be Templars Merrill. They'll make your magic go 'poof' and I can't let that happen."

"No I don't want my magic to go 'poof.'"

"Then it's settled. We'll wait until it gets dark. I'll go look for you two once that happens." Hawke said as we took the lift out. The sun came out and I took a deep breath.

Breathe.

I went past the lifts and made my way up the stairs. Cold, cold was welcomed. It made me focus on it. I had to get home. I had to.

"Stop." Fenris said, walking in front of me. "You are not in your right mind."

"So? I just need to focus and-"

"Stop." Fenris urged. That rage came out again. I looked away from him and bit my lip. I had to keep it inside.

"I'm fine."

"You are not."

"I can still fight."

"Can you?"

"Yes I can. Let's go. I need to get rid of the Darktown stench before we go." I said, going around him. "It's not the first time I fought like this…" I mumbled. I remembered those dark days after Anders left. How Alistair took me out all those times to try to forget…how I ripped after my enemies with no thought. I was a monster and I still am.

A monster filled with rage and no way to calm it.

We came back home and got the water to wash off the filth from Darktown. Anders…I was going to help Anders.

I helped him broke his phylactery. He promised me that he wouldn't leave, not as long I was there.

He lied.

He left.

I wasn't able to stop him.

-/-

"The Princess was very attached to him. The mage." Cassandra said.

"They grew close in Amaranthine. She saw him become a Grey Warden, lived through the attacks, grew with him." Varric said, looking over his gloves.

"She was only in Amaranthine for three months and in only one of those months they had known each other."

"What can I say? You'll need her to answer that herself. That or have her earlier journals."

"All her earlier journals were burned along with the tomes that were left in the Circle of Ferelden."

"Really? No wonder you're coming to me for answers."

"What happened next with the Champion and the mage?"

"The mage has a name."

"He is the reason why we are in this mess. Mage is the least I should call him." Cassandra growled. Varric stared at her and sighed.

"Well, we all met at the Chantry…hoping to save his friend…"

-/-

I heard a knock and I put away my daggers. Fenris and I went out and I saw Hawke, Carver, and Varric.

"Are you all ready to storm into the Chantry?" Hawke said.

"Ready as we'll ever be." I said, cracking my knuckles.

"Whoa Knives, you look more aggressive that you usually do."

"She knows the mage personally." Fenris said.

"Jilted lover?" Varric asked.

"Far from that." I said.

"What's worse than an ex-lover?" Carver wondered.

"Someone that owes you money and won't give it back." Varric said. We went pass the Viscount and to the Chantry.

"Huh it's quiet." I said.

"We got rid of the pretend guardsmen with Aveline a few nights ago." Hawke said.

"It was a bitch to fight against them." Varric said. Hawke laughed. We walked up the stairs to the Chantry and I felt the nervousness again. My heart was torn from apologizing to ripping Anders apart. I saw Anders and his look lingered on me for a second before focusing on Hawke.

"I saw Karl go in a few moments ago and there are no Templars around. Are you ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be. Now let's go, kidnap him, and be done with it." Hawke said. We all walked in and Anders settled next to me.

"Nia…"

"Don't." I said. I felt that sensation again. Fight or flight. That sinking feeling in my chest down to my stomach, my rapid heartbeat, the feeling that the roof was going to collapse on top of my head. I needed to be here though. I couldn't look at him. I had to focus.

"…Your hair looks nice." He mumbled before joining the rest. The dam was close to breaking. I wanted to smash his face in and cry in his chest at the same time. I glared at his back. I felt someone watching me and looked beside me. Fenris stared at me before looking away. My face grew red with irritation.

The Chantry was…quiet. I saw the tall statues with candles gathered at the bottom, the wax running down to the floor in puddles, the incense burning giving the air an earthy scent. It was comforting and foreboding at the same time. I saw the great statue at the end with the windows basking the hall with a moonlit light. I liked the statues of Andraste better in Ferelden. She looked merciful, motherly. The Andraste statue they had here had armor and a sword. It made me feel that she was going to punish me.

I wouldn't be surprised if the Maker wanted to smite me.

We went past the potted plants and toward the stairs where Karl should be. Anders kept on giving me small looks from what I saw in my peripheral vision. We walked up the stairs and saw a man, his shadow cast by the candle in front of him. Anders had a look of relief before Karl spoke in monotone.

"Anders, I knew that you would not give up. I know you too well." Karl said, turning toward us, the sunburst symbol on his head. Some places placed it on their tranquil on the forehead but the one in the Circle in Ferelden didn't. It didn't matter though. Tranquil was Tranquil.

"Karl? No, no, why are you talking like-"

"I was deemed too rebellious. The Templars told me that I had to be…made example of." Karl said. I knew how to-process and how Wy-. If only we knew sooner.

"No!"

"This is the only way we will live free. You will understand as well Anders. The Templars will teach of control. This is the apostate." We heard a clinking of armors behind us. I saw Anders' eyes glow.

"No!" He fell to the floor and in my heart I wanted to help him. His whole body cracked with blue light and his eyes glowed blue. It was an odd feeling, to see how I portrayed myself when I called on my power. "You will never take another mage as you did him!" His voice becoming low and otherworldly. There were five Templars before us.

I tackled one over the railing and he fell on the stairs. Carver and Fenris came up with their swords and pushed back with strength. I saw how Anders came up to them with his staff. It was glowing with energy and he froze all four Templars and did a mind blast, shattering all of them. I felt an internal fear as I stood between Hawke and the Templars. Her talents were of no use in this.

Three more came out, two of them archers. I saw Fenris cut them down with his abilities and Carver going toe to toe with one before Anders used his staff to crush him down.

"Holy Andraste…" Hawke muttered as Anders' power fizzled out. I saw Karl groan and fall to the floor.

"Karl!" Anders cried out, looking at him with worry. He brought him up, hugging him close to him.

"I…what…what did you do Anders? It's like there's a piece of the fade within you!" That's because-. Of course since the new-with Le- and-. We won't know for-.

"That was interesting, especially the glowing part." Hawke mumbled.

"How odd, I almost forgotten how to feel. The fade is like a beacon inside of you."

"I had…unique circumstances but never mind that. Karl, what happened? How did they make you like this?"

"The Templars are more careful in watching us than in Ferelden and found out the letters I was writing to you. It is a nightmare Anders. To see all the love, the color, the music, gone. Nothing was left. I would have gladly given up my magic but this? To never be whole? I'd rather die. Please you have to kill me! I don't want to forget. I don't know what you did Anders but it's fading!"

"Karl, don't ask me to do this…"

"Do you want him to live as a Tranquil for the rest of his life?" Hawke said.

"…I failed. I'm sorry Karl I wasn't here." Anders said, taking a dagger out.

"Please, do it now!" I saw Anders hesitating.

"I…I can't…"

"Please…why are you looking at me like that?" Karl said. I pushed Anders out of the way and plunged my dagger in Karl's heart. I could have sworn to have seen relief in his eyes. I took out my dagger. He slumped over to the ground, the dark welcoming red rug becoming colder with the red of his body.

"I'm sorry Karl…we should leave before more Templars come." Anders said. I looked at Karl. There was-. I couldn't say it though. No one would believe me. We came out of the Chantry and Anders let out a shuddering sigh.

"I guess this isn't a good time to ask for the maps?" Hawke said and Carver face palmed.

"No. You will have them. You can meet me in the clinic during the day. I shall give them to you then." Anders said.

"Hm good. Let's go Carver." Hawke said. Varric left with them. Fenris looked between me and Anders.

"Fenris go home."

"I-"

"Go home." I pleaded. The anger was gone. Only an emptiness. Another person died by my hand and it was a person that Anders loved. It was a bitter thing to swallow. I wanted to hurt him and I got my wish. I hate myself.

Fenris nodded reluctantly and left. Anders and I walked down the stairs, wisps of cold breath coming from both of us. We stood in front of the Chantry board. I felt Anders stare at me.

"You killed Karl and released him. Thank you."

"You should never feel happiness for another person's death, even if it was a mercy to them." I snapped. I saw the hurt on his face and looked away.

"Nia…I am so sorry I-"

"You betrayed me Anders." I said softly but the dam was close to breaking.

"How did you-"

"I broke your vial. You used me." My voice was shaking.

"I swear that was not my intention. I wanted to stay."

"But you didn't! You didn't stay you left and now this!? You left Anders!" I said, grabbing him by his collar, letting my tears fall without fail. "You left the Grey Wardens! You left your home! You told me you would stay! You promised! You promised me!" Anders looked at me with guilt. I sobbed.

It was done. I couldn't hold it in anymore. The bottle broke and the pain seeped out.

"I'm sorry…" Anders whispered.

"That's all you can say?" I squeaked out.

"I…am so sorry."

"…You left."

"I know."

"You promised."

"I know." Anders said softly, grabbing my hands. I took a shuddering breath.

"Why did you leave me too?" I cried. Anders hugged me close to him as I cried into his robes and hugged him back. It was desperate, clingy, but we both needed it. I hiccupped from crying so much but I felt it all roll out. The anger, the almost hatred I had for him, I didn't need it anymore.

Damn you Anders. Why couldn't I hold onto that anger some more? I just had to forgive him. Curse my good heart. I cleared my throat, searching for a cloth to blow my nose. Anders gave me one and I did. I hiccupped some more and Anders wiped my eyes and held my face in his hands.

"I'm sorry."

"Stu-stupid." My tears came, calm but came nonetheless and he had to keep on wiping them with his thumbs. I cleared my throat, my lump not going away. "D-Damn you…why d-do I f-forgive yo-ou so easily?" Anders gave out a laugh of relief and hugged me close to him again.

"I missed you."

"You better have." I mumbled into his shoulder, my breathing evening out. He chuckled and it felt comforting.

"As much as I would love to stay here and hug you all night long, I need to get back to Darktown and you need to sleep." Anders said, wiping the last few tears.

"Yeah." I croaked and cleared my throat again.

"Here, I'll walk you home." Anders said with a small smile, holding onto my hand. I let out a sigh. Another burden off my shoulders. This was why I didn't hold onto feelings like those. It was too much trouble. I led him to my home where I saw Fenris leaning against that same pillar like the first time. Fenris glared at Anders.

"This is where you live?" Anders asked.

"He's my roommate."

"You're-"

"Shush. I need to sleep. I'll see you in the morning." I said. Anders looked at Fenris and they both glared. "Anders…" He nodded and gave me a lingering gaze before letting go and heading back to his home. I looked back to Fenris. "You waited for me?" I asked.

"I had to make sure that mage did not do anything to you."

"Anders would never hurt me."

"Do you truly believe that?"

"Yes."

"Hmph." Fenris opened the door and we both went in. He went to his room and I went to mine. I sat on the floor, writing everything. Anders…

Here's to the morning.

* * *

 **Ta dah! I told you it would be soon. Now, please stop threatening me TT^TT**

 **Shout out to Dforce76 (Welcome Back!), falloutfan158, jka039 to favoriting/following!**

 **Anemone Iris Sidera:** _It's with her, she just hasn't played it or wants_ to.  
 **Mizuki00:** _It will hurt if they become really good friends, which will happen. I mean, they are roommates now.  
_ **Buggy300:** _It's hard giving people screen time, especially since the game focuses solely on Hawke. She'll come up as she usually does though.  
_ **UndeadHero143:** _Sebastian will come earlier than the second Act, mark my words. Ah yes...Isabela...No Male Hawke unfortunately and why would Nia kick Cullen's ass?  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _If Nia did punch Anders, she would probably kill him. Fists of Steel. Ah yes, don't worry the sadist in me loves torturing my character as well. No spoilers though. Xenon will be featured though, so look forward to that!_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, Dforce76, ThelonewolfNT, and EG for reviewing! Please Review!**


	10. The Rivaini

9:31 Firstfall 27th

I woke up as the sun was barely coming out. I groaned, my body feeling so tired from the emotional roller-coaster that I had to go through yesterday. I made a quick breakfast of eggs and bread and left some for Fenris for when he woke up. I got on my armor and daggers and went out. The merchants were beginning their day. I felt giddy for some odd reason. Weird how my emotions changed like that. I think it was because I never hated Anders for leaving. I was just mad at him.

I also hurt him. It didn't make me feel better. It made me feel worse especially since Anders even thanked me for it. I pushed it down though. I would go through that another day.

I went down the stairs and over to the lifts. I went down and moved past the few people who were up. I had to twist someone's arm when they tried going for my daggers. I came in front of the clinic that he had and let out a breath. Things were different now. I had slight anxiety but not as much as last time. I opened the door and Anders was already there healing a few of the refugees children. He looked over to me and smiled. There was a funny feeling in my stomach when he did that. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"There. You need to make sure you have blankets for the night to avoid this happening."

"Thank you, thank you." The mother cried, holding her son in her arms before going out the doors.

"Nia."

"Good Morning Anders." We stood awkwardly around each other before my face flushed from it all.

"Did you sleep well?"

"As well as I could on the floor."

"He's not giving you a bed?"

"There was only one and he took it. There was a bed frame but that broke and the mattress was cut through." I explained. Anders groaned and shook his head.

"…You're not…?" He insinuated.

"No."

"Oh good." Anders said with relief. I laughed.

"Ok Anders, I think you owe me an explanation."

"About…?" He gave me an innocent face. I crossed my arms.

"You're pulling a me and glowing." I said. Anders got quiet and looked at the people leaving. He motioned to me and we went behind a partition that was the only thing keeping his bed being viewed by everyone.

"Do you remember what you explained to me? How the spirit came and saved you and now that spirit is residing in you?"

"A part of the spirit, yeah."

"…Justice-"

"Is inside you because you let him in." I finished. Anders gave me a surprised look. "Come on Anders, I can be stupid sometimes but not that stupid."

"You are not stupid."

"I have my blonde moments." I shrugged. Anders pinched my cheek for that one. I chuckled. "Are you ok though? My spirit doesn't manifest that…well angry unless I'm that angry." Anders sighed and sat on his bed. I sat next to him.

"Justice and I started to talk when we were in the Deep Roads. He realized the injustice of the mages and he wanted to change that. We both did. Kristoff's body was already rotting in the Deep Roads. I let him in and we left his body for Aura after we left. When I let Justice inside of me…my anger transformed him. I was too angry and it was too much for him. He became twisted. He is now a spirit of vengeance with no sense of mercy. Amazingly he recognizes you."

"He does?"

"He remembers the lyrium ring, the conversations you had. I was hoping to somehow use this to save the mages and now…I can't do a thing."

"You are doing good Anders. These people rely on you." I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. He went and grabbed it.

"Thank you. I am sorry for…I abandoned you. I'm surprised you forgave me so easily after slapping me. I had to heal myself from that one." He said, rubbing his cheek. I chuckled.

"I…I was more angry that you left without a word…I didn't hate you Anders. I don't hate you. I just felt…betrayed…I guess all I wanted was to see you again. Weird huh?"

"No. There were times when I thought whether I was doing the right thing. You have no idea how many times I wanted to go back, if only for you."

"But you didn't and now here we both are."

"True."

"You know Ser Pounce-a-lot survived."

"What!?"

"Yeah. I found him in the keep, sleeping on my pillow one day." I said. Anders gaped at me before he let out a bellowing laugh.

"I can't believe it! That damn cat!"

"Is the healer here!?" Someone said from the door. Anders good humor left.

"I-"

"I know. Go ahead. I can stay and watch or help, either way." I said. Anders smiled at me and kissed the top of my head.

All that anger, all that hate, all the betrayal, gone. It wasn't too relieving though because of what's-. Could I-? I wouldn't know, not yet.

I had to focus. I saw Anders heal a few more patients before I saw Hawke come in with her entourage from before. Fenris, Carver, and Varric.

"Nia?" Hawke wondered.

"Yo."

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I made up with Anders."

"Damn, you work fast Knives."

"I don't like letting things fester." I shrugged.

"You're getting red." Carver chuckled.

"Ooooh, dark, handsome mage got you going? Fenris, he's going to take her away from you." Hawke laughed.

"We are not together."

"And Anders is just a friend." I said, standing up to greet them. Anders came over after healing and looked at me, raising his eyebrow.

"Why are you red?" Anders asked.

"There is no reason!"

"So, map time and explanation time? With the whole glowy thing and abomination thing?" Hawke asked.

"I'm not an abomination but…you aren't wrong either. There…well…" Anders sighed. I stood by Anders.

"When we were in Amaranthine, a spirit crossed from the fade and settled into a body. This was Justice, or a spirit exemplifying that trait. Anders and him became friends and Justice saw how we were treating the mages and wanted to change that." I explained.

"Hmmm still sounds like abomination to me…" Hawke clicked her tongue.

"I offered to be his host. He had no other way of going back to the fade and I didn't want him to simply vanish. I thought, maybe a willing host...I just wanted to help him but…something went wrong. We wanted to change the Circle, to make sure no child was ripped away from his family because of the way he was born. I had too much anger…when I let him inside me he…changed."

"Let him inside you?" Hawke snorted before Carver bumped into her. "Well that spirit didn't look happy enough to give out cookies or something."

"And the Templars will think the same. He's a monster…" Carver said and I glared at him.

"Anders is not a monster and Justice wasn't a monster too. He saw the things that were happening to this world and not just to mages. He wanted to right what was wrong." I defended.

"Of course no good intentions went astray, even with magic." Fenris said sarcastically and we both glared at each other.

"Nia." Anders said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I scoffed. "I truly wanted to help Justice but my anger…whenever I see those Templars, things that used to enrage me take over me. I could never do anything about it before but now…he comes out and he is no longer my friend Justice. He is a spirit of vengeance…and has no mercy."

"…Shit, and I thought my problems were bad." Hawke mumbled.

"Always remember that someone out there has it worse than you Hawke." Varric said. Anders went to his table with the maps and gave it to Hawke.

"Here. These are the maps that are for this area. I will understand if you personally don't want me to join you. I cannot control Vengeance at times. I won't ask you to put yourself in danger with traveling with me. I will be here if you need me."

"My opinion on you traveling rests on her. She knows you better than all of us. So Nia, is Anders a monster? An abomination that will kill us once we turn our backs?" Hawke asked.

"No." I said.

"Then that is good enough for me. Drinks later?" Hawke wondered. I chuckled.

"Sure. I might as well go on home. Anders, please don't forget to eat. At least in Amaranthine you had some weight on you." I said, poking his cheeks.

"I'll try, ow!" I pinched him.

"You will and I'll force feed you if I need to."

"Fine."

"Aww how sweet!" Hawke said. I felt my face flush again. "Fenris, you have some competition!"

"We are not together!" We said at the same time. Varric laughed at us.

"The brooding couple, how original."

"I don't brood." We said again at the same time. Carver even laughed at us. I groaned.

"Come over on the Hanged Man Anders." I said.

"I wouldn't miss it." Anders smiled. We went out of his clinic as more people shuffled in.

"So…you and Blondie huh?"

"No! Jesus Christ, can you not pair me up with someone?"

"It's true Varric, she already has Fenris." Hawke reasoned.

"They are not going to give up, are they?" Fenris asked me.

"Nope. Keep on saying that Hawke and I won't give you free food anymore." I said. Hawke gasped in horror.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Keep on joking and see." I laughed, as we went up the lifts.

"Huh, I never realized how you looked with a smile." Carver said.

"How I looked?"

"Well…you don't smile often."

"It's because Anders blonde hair showed her the light of the sun." Hawke said. I chuckled.

"That was a good one." I said, going toward the stairs.

"Then we'll see you at the Hanged Man…Carver stop staring at her." Hawke said.

"What? I wasn't." Carver scoffed and we all went our separate ways.

I hummed as I walked up the stairs. I felt…loads better. Karl's death was not hitting me too hard. I'll have to do something for Anders to make up for my mistake. I even had a skip in my step. Fenris looked at me funny until we got to the house.

"I did not know you were a mage supporter."

"I've met a lot of mages throughout my life like Anders and many of them good. They had power and chose not to abuse it."

"And yet I came from a magister that burned these on my skin." Fenris growled. I sighed and took off my armor in my room.

"Fenris, not every mage is bad."

"Those who have power will abuse it one day. Mages are no different."

"I know but just because I support my friend Anders doesn't mean I agree with him completely. Look at the Circle of Ferelden. It's free and they have implemented visits from family and travel. They are what the Circles need to be."

"Then you agree on retaining the Circles."

"Of course. It's better that mages go and learn about their powers in a safe environment but remember Fenris, you can't push a dog into a corner because it will bite. There has to be a balance between protection and enforcement. Templars are there to protect us from mages but they also protect mages from themselves. They're not there to kill them indiscriminately." I explained. Fenris' gaze softened.

"You have thought about it."

"Of course. I believe in the balance. Just because I'm Anders' friend doesn't mean that I won't stop him from going too far. I will."

"Good."

"Fenris…try to give him a chance though. Anders needs friends."

"No." Fenris said, leaving me in my room. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Time to cook at least. My day was pretty normal after I met with Anders. I did a quick lunch and rested for a moment. I had some time to myself and I took it gratefully.

Anders was here and I forgave him yet, at the same time, there were still lingering emotions that I had bottled up. If I could explain it, it would be the exhaustion catching up with me. I held onto that anger for so long and now that I don't have it...there was something that was empty. It was a good empty but empty nonetheless. I was tired and really wanted to sleep. Unfortunately, there was no rest for the wicked.

I was cleaning the main hall, putting pots here and there that weren't broken. I had an idea to use them to get some trees, fruit trees. I had a smile this whole time. I felt…free. I sang loudly this time. A song about angels. As I put another bench into its place, I saw how it became dark outside.

"Hm, I guess this should be a good time to head out." I said. I walked up to Fenris' room and heard another bottle shatter. I groaned. "Fenris, what did I tell you?"

"This is my room and I can do as I please."

"You're going to hurt yourself. At least you finish the bottle…is that…you didn't finish the bottle! The wine is going to stain it!" I said, pointing at the wall.

"Why should I care?" Fenris scoffed.

"Because you shouldn't live like a pig. Come on, let's get drinks."

"I'm only drinking now so I don't get tempted by the Hanged Man."

"Ah yes because they suck. I see your point. Let's go." We went out the door and made our walk.

"You were singing rather loudly."

"I'm happy for once."

"It was not bad." Fenris commented. I laughed.

"Thanks. I'm a bit rusty though. I like those high notes."

"At least you are not tone deaf." Fenris said. I stopped for a second. "What?"

"Nothing, just an odd sense of déjà vu." I said. Anders said the same thing back in Amaranthine. These two were on the opposite side of the same coin. It was odd that there are so many similarities between them even when they are so different.

"What?"

"Nothing." I chuckled. We reached Lowtown and found Hawke with her siblings.

"Looks like we tend to meet each at the same time." Hawke chuckled with her brother and sister behind her.

"Hey Hawke." I said.

"And where is your boy toy number two?" Hawke said, giving me a suggestive elbow shove.

"What did I say Hawke?" I threatened.

"Shutting up then." Hawke said quickly. Bethany chuckled as I opened the door. That was when I heard a scuffle by the bar and my heart sank.

"There you are Hawke! Come on over." Varric said and Anders was there as well at the usual table. I looked over to the bar and prayed. Please, please don't notice me.

"Nia, come-"

"Is that…I can't believe it! It is you!" I heard a very familiar voice say. I looked over and Isabela saw me.

"…Shit." I said. Isabela giggled, ran over to me, and stuffed my face in her bosom.

"Wow, she is very popular isn't she?" Bethany said.

"Even with women." Hawke chuckled.

"Kitten! It's been so long!" Isabela purred.

"Yes, Yes it has been Isabela! Now can you let me, mmf-!" She made sure to hug me real tight and shoved her mouth on top of mine. I think I heard a cup drop and a few men whistle as she stuck her tongue down my throat as well.

"Jealous?" Hawke asked Fenris.

"Interested more like." Fenris said, staring. I gasped for breath and pushed, or tried to push, Isabela away.

"And after that magnificent night we had at the Pearl." She purred in my ear.

"That was one time!" I squeaked. Varric laughed as the heat was all around my cheeks, neck, and ears.

"An acquaintance perhaps?" Hawke asked. I pushed Isabela off but she brought me back and hugged me from behind.

"Does it look like it? Who's your friend?" I cleared my throat, trying to make my redness go away. It didn't work.

"Hawke, Isabela, Isabela, Hawke."

"I haven't seen you around. Be careful around here, men tend to grab at your tits and ass when you aren't looking." Isabela said, hugging me from behind and nuzzling into my neck.

"Can you stop!?" I squeaked. Isabela laughed and let me go. I put my face in my hands.

"I sense a story here." Hawke smirked.

"Stop staring at me!" I squeaked at everyone and Isabela chuckled.

"Let me properly introduce myself; I'm Isabela, Captain Isabela although that title is meaningless now that I don't have a ship. You and the others with you are Fereldan, aren't you? You have that look about you. I was just in Denerim as well."

"Probably binging yourself in the Pearl…" I mumbled and she brought me in closer to her again. I squeaked in protest. "Isabela!"

"Is your friend here by any chance looking for work? It seems that you and your friends might me the sort I need to get out of trouble." She said, holding me tight to her.

"Work?" Hawke eyes perked.

"Don't you dare Hawke!" I said.

"I'll hear you out. As long as my friend's head here doesn't explode." Hawke smirked. Isabela chuckled into my ear. I could not get anymore redder.

"I have someone from my past pestering me again. I've arranged for a duel and if I win, he'll leave me alone. The thing is I know that he won't play fair and I need someone to watch my back." She nuzzled my cheek and I cursed that I was so short that she could do that.

"That won't be too hard." Hawke chuckled.

"Good, I've arranged to meet Hayder at Hightown after dark. I'll meet you there." Isabela said, releasing me.

"Oh thank G-" She kissed me on the mouth again and I put my hand on my mouth as she walked away laughing. "Isabela!" She slammed the door as a few patrons looked at me. "What the hell are you looking at!?" I shouted at them with my voice cracking. They all laughed at me.

"What was that all about Knives?" Varric laughed.

"Nothing!" I squeaked out.

"That didn't look like nothing." Carver said. I sat down and slammed my head on the table. Anders laughed.

"Didn't expect that blast from the past did you?" Anders smirked.

"You know!? Spill!" Hawke said, sitting down.

"Anders if you value your balls, I suggest you don't." I growled.

"They're going to find out anyway, you might as well tell them or should I tell them? I'll even add in the juicy details." Anders teased.

"There are no juicy details because I can barely remember them! Those details were told to me by Zevran and he probably just amped them up!"

"Did he now? I've heard of what really happened that night when I went to the Pearl months ago." Anders said. My jaw almost hit the table. Varric laughed at me.

"Well? We're waiting." Carver said. Even Fenris chuckled.

"You see there was-" I put a hand over Anders' mouth.

"I had a threesome with my friend Zevran and Isabela, end of story." I said. Carver whistled while the rest laughed at me. "Oh I'm never living this down." I put my face in my hands.

"It must have been quite the experience if she remembered you and shoved her tongue down your throat." Hawke said. I groaned and hid my face. All I could hear were their laughs and Anders patted my head.

"Ok stop now, her ears are turning red." Anders said.

"Shut up Anders!" I squeaked.

"You didn't push her away though." Fenris said.

"I tried to!"

"It didn't look like that from our point of view." Bethany said. I growled and took a cup and downed it in one shot.

"Be quiet! I said my due, you guys can figure out the rest."

"You are so red!" Hawke laughed.

"Stooop!" They all laughed at me and I hid my face again.

"So are you coming then?" Hawke asked. I looked at her and thought about Isabela…

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"You're coming!" Hawke decided. I groaned.

"Do you need us sister?"

"Might as well. We haven't gone all as a family for a while."

"All the Hawke siblings under one roof? Andraste guide the sorry bastards that'll fight you." Varric chuckled.

"You'll be all right? Isabela might attack you again." Anders said, shoving me.

"Up yours Anders." I mumbled. He chuckled but patted my head anyway.

"I'll accompany you too. See what she has to say." Varric said.

"Good then we might as well leave now rather than later." Everyone got up as we headed toward the door. Anders tapped me on the shoulder.

"Didn't your name-day just pass?" Anders asked.

"Huh, you remembered. Yeah, I'm twenty seven now. Yay me." I said flatly.

"I'll have to remember to get you something."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to. Be careful Nia."

"I will." I said, shoving him slightly. He chuckled as he made his way back toward Darktown.

"Are you coming with Fenris?" Hawke asked.

"No. The mansion is this way, remember?"

"Ah Hightown. Do you think we'll really get the estate back?" Carver wondered.

"Are you doubting our mother's power Lord Carver?" Hawke teased.

"I'm just saying that it's going to take more than luck to get her old house back."

"Can't you at least be optimistic for mother?" Bethany asked. Carver huffed.

"For what? I say we should have stayed in Lothering. Haven't you heard? The Grey Wardens are trying to rid the taint in the land. If we can get back our old home-"

"It's going to take a really long time to cleanse it Carver. Try not to put too much hope on that." I said. He scoffed.

"This isn't our home."

"We can make it into our home Carver." Bethany said.

"Sunshine is right Junior. You have to let go of your old home, look at the now."

"Whatever." Carver rolled his eyes.

"Can you please not be an ass for one day?" Hawke said.

"So much drama in one family." I said.

"And yours was not like that?" Fenris asked.

"Ok, point taken." I said. Fenris left us to our own devices. We found Isabela waiting for us and she winked at me. I looked away.

"Good you're here but unfortunately I've been waiting and Hayder hasn't shown up. Not a single person has come. I don't like this."

"'I don't like this?' That's right next to, 'What could possibly go wrong?'" Varric reasoned.

"That's the whore we're looking for. Gut her!" A few fighters said coming our way.

"You had to say it." I said, shaking my head. I took out my daggers and ran for the people. Isabela ran for them too and jumped, both of her blades sinking into the messenger. I did a leg sweep at the other guy and smashed in his face. The archer next to me was shot by Varric. There were three more behind us and Carver took down two. Bethany let out a fire spell at one and his screams echoed as he burned to death.

"Hayder sent these ones." Isabela said and I rummaged through one, taking out a piece of paper. I gave it to her.

"Looks like he's hiding in the Chantry." I said, reading it over her shoulder.

"That coward. I won't stand for this. Come on." We ran after Isabela. Her tunic was way too short for her in my opinion.

"You're staring." Bethany said in a sing song voice.

"I'm not!" I said, my face flushing again. Isabela laughed. We found six more of Hayder's men waiting for us. Isabela did a crotch kick before slicing the guy's throat. I tackled one and did an upper cut to shatter their jaw. I evaded a few arrows while Hawke pushed three down. Two were frozen and Varric shattered them. Carver stabbed downward on one guy while Bethany set out her flames again.

"You do get results Hawkes." Five more came out and I did a high kick before using my foot to bring him down. Another shot at me before Varric got to him. Hawke finished off the one that I kicked by using her force spell. Isabela stabbed and slashed like no one's business and got two more. The last one Carver hit and Varric finished. Isabela went up the stairs.

"Remind me to loot these bodies once we're done!" Hawke said.

"Always have your eyes on the prize don't you?" I said.

"It seems that you have your eyes set already." Hawke teased.

"Shut up!" We opened the door to the Chantry. The ethereal glow of the moonlight peered in.

"Isabela. It figures you followed me here." Hayder said as we went in.

"Tell your men to burn the letters next time."

"Castillon shed real tears when he heard about your shipwreck and you didn't even tell him you lived."

"I'll send him a post card from the beyond the next time then." Isabela said. Hayder laughed as more of his men came out.

"Where's the relic?"

"I lost it. Castillon is going to have to do without."

"You lost it? Just like that time when you 'lost' a full ship of valuable cargo?"

"Those weren't cargo, they were people!"

"They were a hundred sovereigns per head and you let them flee into the wilds. Now the relic is gone too. Castillon is not going to be happy about that, I promise you."

"Maybe Castillon needs a new hobby. He should take up knitting." Hawke said.

"I can't let you tell him Hayder." Isabela said, taking her dagger and flinging it quickly into the woman's chest beside him.

"Nice shot." I said. Isabela ran to Hayder. Hawke pushed the other two lackeys away and Varric took one out. I followed his shots and stabbed my dagger's into a person's gut before knocking them out. Bethany froze the other two and Carver shattered them. Isabela stabbed her dagger into Hayder's throat and got her other dagger from the woman. Three more came in through the door. Bethany froze them all and Varric took two out before Hawke did another force spell and smashed the last one.

Two more came out and I did a leg sweep on both of them, an axe kick on one, and a stab through the throat on the last. Varric got the one on the floor. I flicked off the blood as the battle ended.

"Stabbity stab first and ask questions later?" Hawke wondered.

"It could have only ended like this. Castillon won't hear from me from Hayder but he will find me eventually. The only way to get him off my back is to get the relic, simple as that." Isabela shrugged.

"Well I'm good at finding miscellaneous things. I can help you find it." Hawke said.

"I don't have a clue where it could be but you will be the first one to know of it once I do. Anyway, thank you for your help with Hayder. I'll hang out with in the meantime. Kitten thinks your special enough to be her friend." She winked at me and I looked away with a huff. "Of course if you're interested in having…company, I'll be at the Hanged Man. That goes for you too Kitten."

"Shove it Isabela." I mumbled.

"That's what Zevran did to you." Isabela giggled. I felt my face flush again. She went out the door and Hawke looted.

"That…that…woman!" I growled.

"If I didn't know any better Knives, I'd say you have a thing for her."

"No I don't! It was one time! I was drunk!"

"So that's why you don't drink." Bethany chuckled.

"Whatever, I'm going home." I stomped away as they laughed at me. I made sure to check all alley ways as I went home to make sure I didn't get jumped by her. I made it back without incident. I let out a frustrated breath. I went up the stairs and into my room.

"I swear if she puts her mouth on me again I'll-"

"Back so soon?" Fenris asked. I stuck my tongue out at him and took off my armor. He laughed.

"Can you please stop laughing at me? I'm going to die of embarrassment."

"At least you are not scowling as much anymore."

"Screw you Fenris." I mumbled.

"Would you not prefer it if Isabela did it?"

"It was one time!"

"You're getting red."

"I dislike you so much right now!"

* * *

 **Finally a break from those really heavy chapters!**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _I took that whole scene from personal experience. I've only hated two people in my whole life. One I forgave really easy when i realized I was more angry than anything. The other I still hate, mostly for a personal injustice. I can hold grudges but to people I care about? I just want to forgive. It's easier like that. So it's not Halo affecting me, just my own personality._  
 **Buggy300:** _I'm glad you like it! Yes, that little part that was edited out was her mention the cure of Tranquility in the future and how she couldn't just say it outright because it's still a difficult process to do. The mess with Meredith won't happen until the last few chapters of the story. I haven't even got_ there!  
 **Noswald:** _That comes later :3_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, EG, Dforce76, Undeadhero143 (thanks for that bit), and WardenMahariel for reviewing! Please Review!**


	11. Wayward Mage

9:31 Firstfall 28th

I simmered in my bath. I didn't like Isabela that way. At least I didn't think so. It was one time besides that one time when I was younger…Damn it all to hell. I got out quickly, feeling the redness on my face. I'd rather not get a nosebleed. I put on my clothes and tried drying out my hair. I shivered slightly even though I was warm.

"I was wondering when you would come out." Fenris said, leaning against the wall. Fenris was different than other male elves. He was actually taller than them which mean that he was taller than me. Prick.

"Why didn't you just knock?" I asked.

"I came here because Hawke told me of a mission she got of saving a young mage that tried fleeing from the Alienage. You were in the bath."

"She left?" I raised my eyebrow.

"She said she would be waiting at the marketplace." Fenris said.

"Ah no rest for the wicked then." I said, putting my hair up in a tight ponytail. "Are you coming?"

"Might as well. I missed the fun last night." He smirked.

"Shush Fenris or I'll stop cooking for you."

"Then I will kick you out."

"…Prick."

"Princess."

"Don't call me that!"

We got out of the house and went toward the Hightown marketplace. I had a frown on my face from the random name calling we did. Stupid Fenris.

"Your face is going to stay that way if you frown any harder." Fenris commented.

"You know that isn't true." I saw Hawke, Merrill, and Anders all at a robe stand.

"Green does bring out your eyes." Hawke said, holding up a robe to Merrill.

"But it's so expensive. Half of the things I've seen here I've never seen before." Merrill sighed.

"That's Hightown for you." Hawke chuckled.

"Can we get a move on? The boy could be in mortal danger for all we know." Anders said, his arms crossed.

"Don't get your breeches in a knot." Hawke said, putting away the robe.

"Yo Hawke."

"Nia, just the person I love to see." Hawke chuckled.

"The person that will always say yes to jobs at least." I mumbled.

"And that's why you're my favorite. In fact my brother and sister along with Aveline and Varric just went to the Wounded Coast to take care of a few mercenaries that we're hunting down for a Chantry mission." Hawke said.

"Someone put up a notice to murder people on the Chantry board? The irony." Anders laughed.

"Yes he did. Now, let's get a move on shall we?" Hawke said, cracking her knuckles.

"Lead the way Hawke." I said. "Where are we going?"

"Lowtown. The boy's father should be there and it's the first place I'd rather look than in the gallows."

"Worried they might take you in?" Fenris said.

"I can make people think that this is a walking stick but we're traveling with three mages right now. I think that might be hard to swallow at this point. Not only that, I don't want to risk him." Hawke pointed at Anders.

"You came by for a few potions and told me about the boy. You could at least be happy about it." Anders huffed.

"Sorry, it's kinda hard when you do that glowy thing." Hawke shrugged.

"Leave him alone Hawke." I said.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave your beautiful man to you or would you rather I bring Isabela?"

"NO!"

"I missed something again, didn't I?" Merrill asked.

"You should have seen her, she was all red when Isabela-" Hawke started.

"That's it. I'm not giving you anymore free food."

"Ok, ok, I'll stop!"

"I won't. She turned super red when Isabela kissed her on the mouth." Anders said.

"Oh! I never knew you liked girls. Which do you fancy?" Merrill asked.

"It was one time!"

"You are getting red." Anders said in a sing song voice.

"Anders I dislike you." I growled. We came into Lowtown with the various markets here and there. I recognized Vincento from when I was last here.

"Welcome my fair lady. It seems that you are the type who would appreciate the most beautiful rubies around your neck. I bring many fine merchandise for you to see."

"I'm only here to find out more about your son." Hawke said, crossing her arms.

"My lady you wound me. I am a bachelor. There is no woman of beauty or charm to tie Vincento down." I rolled my eyes. He chuckled. "Please, let us not sully the day with weighted thoughts, how about browsing my silks?"

"We are not Templars, you don't have anything to fear from us." She said, letting a small fire appear in her hand.

"Maldicion! A mage! Then…then you would be sympathetic to a boy running from the mages, no?"

"Yes we are." Anders said.

"Unfortunately from our group." Fenris mumbled. I poked both of their cheeks.

"Shush." I said. Anders chuckled and Fenris swatted my hand away.

"The boy was worried and in over his head. I sent him to a man that I know that did not despise mages. A former Templar named Samson." That got my interest. Samson-.

"Does this Samson have a residence I can visit and chat?" Hawke asked.

"No. He is a wanted man. He resides near the entrances of Darktown late at night. That is all I know."

"Thank you Serah." Hawke said. We left the bazaar. She sighed. "Late at night. Seems like I won't be getting any beauty sleep."

"You're telling me." I mumbled.

"But you don't become more beautiful with more sleep right? I seem to wake up with all my hair in a bunch." Merrill said.

"Looks like we'll have to wait then." Anders said.

"I hate waiting." I frowned.

"Don't worry, I'll knock on your door once comes time. For now, I might as well walk Jarvis. Andraste knows that dog needs more exercise."

"Can I come? He always gives me the best barks." Merrill asked.

"Sure."

"I'm going up to Hightown." I said. Fenris nodded with me. Anders crossed his arms and glared at Fenris while he did the same. "Can you both stop?"

"He's a known abomination."

"And you are a slave."

"Yes, yes, just state the obvious between the both of you. Come on Fenris."

"You better not touch her." Anders said.

"What I do with her is none of your business." Fenris growled.

"Hey, you're both pretty, now stop. I'll see you later Anders." I saw him give me that puppy eye look but I ignored it for now and made Fenris walk.

"We are both pretty?"

"It got you to stop right? Don't think too much on it. You're not pretty. You're too manly to be pretty." I reasoned. Fenris chuckled.

"Then what am I?" He wondered.

"You're nice on the eyes, ah but still, another night mission? I'm getting tired of them. I just want to sleep." I sighed. I was so exhausted. Not only emotionally but physically. I'm not that young anymore and all the abuse was starting to catch up to me.

"Then sleep. I will go in your place." Fenris said.

"What? Why?"

"You are not waking on time for my breakfast."

"…I spoiled you didn't I?"

"Maybe." Fenris said. I chuckled.

"No, wake me up. If I don't wake up then it'll be my fault." Mostly because Sa-. I have to-. Then-. Here's to waking up for the night.

9:31 Firstfall 29th

I'm going to kill Fenris. I swear I am but I guess in part it was my fault since I got my bed in earlier and it was just soooo comfortable! I couldn't help but sleep the whole night.

At least I woke up refreshed and did a good breakfast.

"You missed it." Hawke said, eating the buttered bread and fried potato patties I gave her.

"If somebody woke me up like I told them too…" I said, glaring at Fenris.

"I tried to. All you did was grab my arm and mumbled into it." Fenris shrugged.

"I did not mumble!"

"Yes you did." Fenris said. "I had to pry away my arm." Leandra laughed at it all. I pouted. Gamlen was gone, again.

"You know I never see your uncle around here."

"What? You actually want to meet our uncle again after he almost kicked you out that one time?" Carver said.

"I'm just asking." I said, Jarvis curled up near my feet. I gave him a few scratches.

"Probably spending some time away from home. He got a bad letter from his debt collectors." Bethany said.

"How was the mission on the Wounded Coast?" I asked.

"We got rid of the mercenaries easily." Carver said proudly.

"Only because I used the frost to our advantage." Bethany commented.

"Well you needed a strong man to smash them to pieces."

"Nia can do it and she's not a strong man."

"She can barely lift my sword." Fenris said. Bethany choked and Hawke laughed. Carver cleared his throat and I face palmed.

"That's what she said!" Hawke hollered.

"You had to give them more fuel didn't you?" I rolled my eyes.

"It is not my fault her mind is in the gutter." Fenris said.

"Is that anyway to behave Eva?" Leandra asked.

"Sorry mother but you set yourself up for that one Fenris." Hawke giggled. He groaned and I shook my head.

"Hard to believe you live in the same house and not-" Carver started.

"You finish that thought Carver and I'll smash your face in. Then what will you do when you talk to Merrill?" I smirked.

"You know I've been talking to her?" Carver squeaked.

"And the truth is out." Hawke said. Carver's face turned red. "Now that we've finished breakfast, we might as well go hunt down our wayward mage."

"Please don't come back with blood pouring all over the floor. I still want to make sure this home stays clean you know?" Leandra said.

"Perish the thought mother. Are you coming?" Hawke asked.

"We're staying. It's been a while since we last walked all the way to the coast. My feet need the rest." Bethany said and I chuckled.

"Don't talk about walking around with nowhere to go with Nia. This one here traveled with Grey Wardens, all they do is walk." Carver said.

"You're right about that." I said. We came out of her house and I stretched. "So, where are we going?"

"Darktown. After getting rid of the kidnappers in the docks, that's where they say they last held Feynriel." Hawke said.

"Awesome, I could visit Anders there too." I said.

"One last person to pick up. She said she wouldn't forgive me if I forgot her." Hawke said, as we went on to the Alienage. I saw the people there look at us and whisper.

"Excuse me, are you the one that saved Lia from that monster?" A woman said, approaching me. She had hard lines on her face more so from worry and sadness than anything.

"I am." I nodded.

"Oh…Oh thank you, thank you. My girl…she was one of his victims too. Bless you for putting that monster in the grave." She said, shaking my hand. "You are welcome here friend."

"Thank you. I'm glad I was able to do something for you. Please take this." I said, grabbing the pouch that held smaller amount of coin. I gave her ten silvers.

"Bless you Serah, bless you!" She walked away with tears in her eyes. I was able to help the casteless. I hoped that someday I could help the Alienage elves as well.

"What was that about?" Fenris asked.

"I killed a serial killer that was preying on elvhen girls. He was blaming the 'demons' that were inside his head but he had none. He was just a sick and deranged man." I said, my voice becoming hard. Fenris stared at me. I looked at him and looked away. "I'm fine."

"And they say I brood." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm getting better." At least I think I am.

"Slightly."

"Aren't you a well of positive energy?" I glared at him.

"Are you two trying to out-brood each other? I have to watch this." Hawke said.

"They smile, well Nia smiles more than Fenris." Merrill said.

"Thank you." I said.

"But you're scarier when you're angry from what Carver tells me." Merrill said.

"…I'm scary?" I wondered, raising my eyebrows.

"Don't look so surprised." Hawke said. "Now let's go. The sooner we can get rid of slavers, the better."

"Aren't you a paragon of justice?" I rolled my eyes.

"I hate slavers." Hawke said, her voice losing that humorous edge. I sensed something there but I didn't push.

"It's such a nice day today! There hasn't been much snow on the ground. It makes my feet feel better." Merrill giggled.

"What's with elves and not wearing shoes? You do it too Fenris." I wondered.

"Habit." Fenris said.

"Shoes are too confining and I can't feel the roots as much when I'm traveling." Merrill said. We went over to the lifts and back to Anders' clinic. He was sitting down, making some elfroot potions when I knocked on the door.

"Hey, you coming to save the wayward mage?" I asked. He smiled and nodded at me.

"You caught me at a good time. I don't have many patients today." Anders said, patting me on the head.

"Yes, yes, stop with the fluff. Fenris, say something. He's going to steal her right in front of you." Hawke said.

"You enjoy saying stuff like that too much." I said.

"I have to take my enjoyment somewhere." Hawke laughed. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Her eyes became hardened though and her smile was gone. "The slaver should be ahead in Darktown." Hawke said, stomping toward them.

"Is it me or is Hawke angry? I don't think I said something wrong." Merrill said.

"I don't think that's it Merrill." I said. There was story here involving slavers and Hawke. I put a mental note to ask about that when I had time. We followed her down a flight of stairs to a slaver and his thugs around him.

"Well, well it's our lucky day boys. More volunteers! Clap 'em in irons. I'm sure the Tevinters will pay a lot of coin for the pretty ones."

"Make him talk about Feynriel." Hawke asked.

"I can do that." Fenris glowed and shoved his hand into the man's chest. I was thoroughly impressive.

"Ah! What in Andraste's flaming breeches did you do? Never mind. The boy is in a cave, a smuggler hideout in the Wounded Coast. The Tevinters will retrieve the boy today…C-Can I go?"

"Of course! Oh no, I meant no." Hawke smirked. I slashed the guy's throat with my daggers and the fight began. Seven guys in front of us. I did a leg sweep on three and Fenris went past and pushed a few off the ledge down into the sea. Merrill commanded the earth and swallowed the three that fell.

More thugs came by and I threw two more over the edge, evading one that tried to do that to me. Anders froze him and Merrill threw a piece of earth to shatter them. I came by and killed the man that Hawke pushed to the ground. Hawke went to the ground and went through the slaver's things.

"I got the map to the cave he was talking about in the Wounded Coast. I wonder if that's near the limping hills, or the heart attack bay?"

"Broke back mountain perhaps?" I said.

"That was a good one." Hawke chuckled.

"Oh that hurt so bad." Anders said. I giggled.

"You're happy!" Merrill said. I felt my face flush slightly.

"I think that was the first time you did a girly giggle." Hawke said, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"My giggle isn't girly!" I said my face getting redder.

"Giggles are always girly that's why only girls giggle." Hawke reasoned. "And you are technically female, so you giggle."

"You just like saying giggle don't you?" I chuckled.

"Yes!" Hawke said. I chuckled.

"So this is what being in a group of girls feels like." Anders said.

"They are woman, not girls." Fenris said.

"Could have fooled me." Anders chuckled. I pouted while Anders patted my head.

"It's good that you're happy. Don't frown, you've always looked better with a smile." Anders said. I stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed. We got out of the city. We had to walk the path to the wounded coast.

"It's been a while since I've been near the sea." I said.

"I like playing with the sand and finding the little hermits and collecting seashells." Merrill giggled.

"How could you stand it? The water is so cold." Fenris said.

"Perfect on a hot summer day." Hawke said.

"How would you enjoy the sea? Can you even swim?" Anders said.

"Nope!" Hawke said proudly.

"I can." I said.

"And she knows how to catch fish with her bare hands." Anders nodded.

"I won't believe it until I see it." Hawke said. The sun was on its way to setting by the time we reached the Wounded Coast. I smelled the sea air and was reminded of Amaranthine.

"You're doing that wistful look again." Anders said.

"I'm reminded of Amaranthine." I said softly.

"Ah yes, Deep Roads, haunted marshes, evil elves…"

"Velanna wasn't evil Anders."

"Not all elves are evil." Merrill said.

"What in Andraste's name did you both do in Amaranthine?" Hawke asked.

"A lot." I said.

"We have our few experiences." Anders said. We continued on the road toward the cave that the map showed us. I saw in the distance Qunari and then one moved. I grabbed Hawke by her collar and shoved her behind me. She was nearly skewered by a lance.

"Holy Andraste!"

"Get back now!" I shouted. Anders, Merrill, and Hawke kept back, using their respective magics to deal out ice, nature, and force spells. The qunari launched more of their lances but Fenris and I were able to evade them. Fenris summoned his power and ran, shoving his greatsword in a chest of one. There were four more to deal with and Hawke summoned a force spell. It didn't bring them down but it gave me a moment to cut one's throat. Merrill summoned a landslide and knocked the other three down. Fenris and I took care of them in that moment.

"Tal-Vashoth." Fenris said.

"What?" Hawke asked.

"Deserters of the Qun. They must have a headquarters around here." I said.

"Let's make sure we don't run into more. I was almost Hawke kabob!...Get it?" Hawke said. I chuckled while Fenris groaned. "Ok enough of that, let's go." We continued on and I saw a few humans getting harassed by elves.

"You probably don't even remember her name shem! Her name was Danyla and she was my mother. You and your kind killed her!"

"I-I'm sorry but…I was a werewolf back then…I did many horrible things."

"Your sorry doesn't bring back my mother!"

"You weren't the only victims. We were cursed by Zathrian's vengeance." When we walked passed them, the guy's eyes settled on me. "You…you are one of the…" The man moved towards me with a look of recognition.

"Hey." I raised my hand in greeting.

"You are one of the Hero of Ferelden's companions! You were there when the curse was lifted!"

"Don't move shem!" The Dalish woman kept him back while he stared at me. Hawke and the others stared at me.

"Please, help me convince her. We did not kill Danyla."

"You liar!" She shouted.

"What he's saying is true. I was there, I saw your mother." I said. The Dalish girl gave me a look.

"Then you were there when they killed her."

"They didn't kill her. Your mother turned into a werewolf. The Lady of the Forest gave her back her mind but she fled when she realized what she turned into. She wanted to go back to camp to see your father, Athras. But Zathrian made sure that all werewolves were savage beasts to your clan then. We found her in the forest, crying about the curse in her veins…she begged us to kill her." I explained.

"Then you were the one who killed her!" She shouted, grabbing at her weapons. I felt everyone get ready behind me but I didn't want to kill her.

"She gave your father her scarf back!" I shouted. She touched the scarf around her neck. "She was dying already. All she wanted to give to your father was her love…don't spit on her death." The Dalish woman glared at me with her dagger in front of me. I saw her eyes well up with tears.

"I…my father told me that my mother…had turned but I didn't want to believe it…I wanted to keep on blaming the shems and the werewolves…! Thank you stranger you…you made me see the truth. Let's go. We have no more business here." She said and she and the rest of her entourage left.

"I can't believe it. It has been nearly a year hasn't it?" The man said.

"It has. How are you adapting?" I asked sincerely.

"Things have been…harsh. The world is not like when we first left it so long ago. We are trying though to get by with what little we have." He sighed. I nodded and took out some silvers from my pouch.

"I hope this helps."

"Thank you. We never did get your name Serah."

"It's Nia Cousland."

"The Princess…? Many thanks your highness." The man and the rest of his friends left. A few gave me a few handshakes before leaving.

"What was that all about?" Hawke asked.

"I'll tell you about it later. We've wasted too much time." I said.

"I get the feeling that she's someone important." Merrill whispered to Hawke. We went down the path and found the cave that the map pointed to. We went in and there were a set of old tracks and mining carts. We went past those to some old wooden scaffolding and found five slavers waiting for us there. Anders let out a few freezing spells on the first two. I got both of them. Merrill hit one in the chest with an earth spell and Hawke pushed the last three down where Fenris got rid of them. The last one was stabbed in the chest by me.

Five more came from the other tunnels, hearing the commotion. Anders swept up his staff and made icicles appear. There were three lucky ones that stopped in time. The other two got impaled. Then Hawke pushed the other three into the icicles, causing them to be impaled as well.

"That's gruesome." I mumbled.

"Nothing you haven't seen before." Anders chuckled.

"Hm I did impale a Genlock once."

"You have so many stories to tell! I want to hear them all." Merrill giggled.

"Well-" I cried out when a lightning spell hit me. I knelt and I growled. The mage kept on moving here and there in an odd form of teleportation. He chuckled darkly at us.

"Stop him!" Fenris shouted.

"He keeps moving too much!" Hawke replied. There was a pattern though. I got into position and charged right as he teleported in front of me. I smashed in his face and smashed his head against the ground for good measure.

"Frigging A man. I hate lightning spells." I growled.

"Are you all right?" Anders asked, coming up and healing me quickly.

"I'm good. No weird heart beats or anything. Let's go." We went past the aging bridges and went down some stairs. We saw a group of slavers and the man that took Feynriel put a sword next to his throat.

"Take one more step and he dies!"

"I'll take those odds then." Hawke said.

"You are going down." Fenris said.

"Get the boy out of here!" I was having none of that. I jumped up the stairs, kicked the guy that was protecting Feynriel, and slashed at Varian. He blocked my slashes so I switched to my knuckles. His shield was denting and I saw Feynriel crouched behind me. I growled and tackled Varian and he fell off the ledge. I jumped and stomped on him with both feet. He gave out a gasp before I put my dagger in his throat. I evaded another slaver's slash before smashing him in the teeth.

I heard Feynriel shout, another slaver taking him by the arm. I felt that rage inside of me come out. It has gone down since I forgave Anders but no one will mess with another kid in my life. No one.

"Leave him alone!" I ran up and kicked the slaver off Feynriel but that left me open. I gasped in pain as I felt an arrow go into my shoulder. The slaver knocked me down and stabbed downward but I rolled away, doing a leg sweep and smashing his face against the ground.

"It's all clear!" Hawke shouted. I grabbed Feynriel and we went down the stairs.

"Nia your shoulder!" Anders panicked, coming up to me.

"It's fine. I just got shot with an arrow. No big deal."

"Only you would think that Nia." Anders said, taking out the arrow quickly. I hissed in pain before he healed it.

"You! He would have killed me if…if…his sword was at my throat and you…I mean, thank you, but what would you have done if you were wrong!?" Feynriel shouted.

"I must have been lucky? The stars are pointing in the right direction? I'm always right?" Hawke said.

"Good for you then. Who are you? You're not with the Templars are you?"

"No your mother sent me."

"That doesn't make much of a difference. It was always 'I love you and I will always protect you.' And then once I get nightmares she's 'off to the Templars!' So much for a mother's love."

"If you have other plans then I suggest you list them." Hawke said.

"Why do you care? You don't even know me." Feynriel said. She conjured up some spirit energy.

"I am you."

"Then I guess you would…understand. Do you know how I can reach the Dalish? I was trying to go there when I got caught up in all this mess. I'm as much Dalish as I am human!"

"Well if you can figure out how to make your ears pointy I'm sure they'll take you in. If not, at least get an arrow to the heart." Hawke shrugged.

"I'd rather die by the Dalish than go with the Templars. It's different here in Kirkwall, not like the Circle they have in Ferelden. You have no choice here and if you do wrong by the Templars, you will become tranquil. The Dalish are different, they have always had magic! They could take me in and teach me."

"You would be marked by your humanity in the people but not your magic. I think they will take you in." Merrill said.

"Well if you go off with the Dalish and, if you go crazy, it won't be on us." Hawke said happily.

"Yes because a Dalish mage never went crazy." Fenris rolled his eyes.

"I can think of one that did." I said.

"Thank you. I never thought that I would get this opportunity. I will never forget you." Feynriel said, leaving the cave.

"I hope you know what you are doing Hawke." Fenris glared.

"Oh come now Fenris, the boy gave me the puppy dog look! What did you expect me to do?" Hawke chuckled.

"Give him to the Circle." Fenris said.

"He was right though. If they learned of his abilities, they would make him tranquil just because they feared him." Anders reasoned.

"Better tranquil than an abomination." Fenris did a side glance look at Anders.

"Are you pointing fingers?" Anders said, crossing his arms.

"I do not think I am acquainted with anyone else that is an abomination." Fenris glared. I sighed and shook my head.

"Guys, enough. Let's go home. I don't want to argue in a cave." I said.

"Hold on. I have to loot all the bodies." Hawke said, rubbing her hands.

"You look way too happy doing this." I said.

"I'm glad you sustained us with your riches. I can't imagine you doing that." Anders said.

"Riches? Didn't you say you had no hold on the royal funds?" Hawke wondered.

"That doesn't mean I didn't have my own personal funds." I shrugged.

"Was it heavy? My pouch is never heavy unless I put rocks in there." Merrill said.

"Should we even ask Merrill?" I wondered.

"They look pretty."

* * *

 **Now that everyone has been introduced and Nia has found Anders, the healing chapters have started! I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter :3**

 **Shout out to Lord Mizard, Supernatural Crossover Girl, and AirChampion for following/favoriting!**

 **Anemone Iris Sidera:** _Naw, Carver doesn't but that doesn't mean that Nia isn't slightly more attractive to him now. Nothing will come, trust me._  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _Yep, Isabela is stronger that she looks. :3 and what's the Wrath of Murphy?_

 **Thank you Buggy300, EG, Undeadhero143, ThelonewolfNT, Dforce76, Narliea, WardenMahariel, and Taffy and Sweetrolls for reviewing! Please Review!**


	12. Can She See?

9:31 Firstfall 29th

"And then the curse was broken. Zathrian gave his life away to end the curse. The Lady of the Forest perished and all the werewolves that were turned by the curse became human again." I explained as we made our way back to Kirkwall.

"And that explains the would be werewolves that thanked you." Hawke nodded.

"I can't believe Keeper Zathrian…he used his blood to enslave those humans for so long!" Merrill said.

"I can believe it." Fenris said.

"This is why you shouldn't be a blood mage." Anders chided.

"I'm not like that. I wouldn't curse generation upon generation on mere hate."

"Are you sure? The demons that plague your mind incessantly would give you power in exchange for your body or blood. Would you not use that to 'save' your people?" Anders glared.

"I would require the spirit's help but I would never use it to harm innocents." Merrill said sternly.

"Come on. I told you a story so I could explain myself, not spark a debate. Besides Anders, we both know a blood mage that's heroic." I said.

"Talen is an exception." Anders said quickly.

"Talen Surana that made the Circle of Ferelden free?" Hawke wondered.

"Oh sure, recognize Talen but not me. I see how you are Hawke." I rolled my eyes.

"Talen is a mage you know, a very famous one too." Hawke said.

"And he is a blood mage." Fenris remarked.

"He uses it to heal internal wounds. By mixing the patient's blood with his own mana and then putting it back in, he is able to find things that no healer can find. Things like imperfection in your blood, organ failure, and more things." I explained.

"Or he could use that and kill the person from the inside." Fenris said.

"Talen isn't like that." I said.

"He is a mage." Fenris glared

"Not all mages are bad Fenris." I shrugged.

"She understands. I don't see why you don't. Can't you see that mages also need their freedom? Don't you see how much we are oppressed?" Anders explained.

"For a good reason too or need I remind you of the Tevinter Imperium." Fenris replied.

"Why are you living with him again?" Anders huffed, crossing his arms.

"Because of reasons Anders." I said.

"If he's like that to all mages then I suggest you find someplace else." Anders said.

"I'm not living with you Anders. Darktown smells like rot."

"Amazing how you are able to get that stench off you. Magic?" Hawke said.

"Yes I just wave my staff and boom I'm clean." Anders said flatly.

"Does magic work like that? Can you teach me?" Merrill asked.

"No Merrill it was a joke." Anders said.

"I always thought that a bathing spell would prove useful." Merrill said. Hawke snickered. "I said something dirty didn't I?"

"She took it like that." I said.

"It's hard not to. Oh Merrill don't change. Here we are at the gates. Should I do the honors of telling mommy dearest that her son went off to join the Dalish?" Hawke asked.

"I'll go too!" Merrill said. "I want to go home. Frosty ground tends to nip at my feet."

"I have nothing better to do." I shrugged.

"Let's go then." Hawke said. Anders and Fenris still went with us, following me. They both glared at each other.

"Mage."

"Slave."

"Human."

"Elf."

"Oh my God, can you two stop? Seriously." I said, rubbing my head from the incoming headache that was coming. Anders huffed and Fenris shook his head.

"Keep an eye on your two lovers Nia." Hawke said, elbowing me suggestively and winking.

"They are not my lovers Hawke." I said, giving her a playful shove.

"Boy toys then." Hawke said.

"Not that either!" I said.

"Friends with benefits?"

"Jesus Christ Hawke!" I chuckled.

"Who's that? I heard you say it before and 'God' a lot." Merrill asked.

"He's the God I pray to."

"You're not Andrastian?" Hawke wondered.

"Non-Ferelden remember?"

"Ah yes that explains everything." Hawke said as we entered the Alienage. She didn't push the subject. I would hate to get into a religious discussion when I didn't even have a bible. Arianna was waiting by the Vhenadahl. Merrill said her goodbyes and went back to her home.

"Have you any news of my son?" She asked.

"Yes Feynriel decided that he would rather stick out like a sore thumb with the Dalish than try his hand over with the Templars." Hawke shrugged.

"Is that true? But he is a human and they did not even approve of me raising him. They do value magic more than the Templars here in Kirkwall. I might as well pray for his safety and freedom. I have little money but this ring has been in my family for generations. Please accept it along with my thanks." She went back to her home and Hawke looked at the ring.

"Hm, this should nab me a few more silvers." Hawke said, rubbing her hands with a gleeful smile.

"Well if that's it. I'd rather go home. It's getting dark and I do like my sleep." I said.

"Aww no drinks later?" Hawke asked.

"Not tonight." I shook my head.

"Then I'll call you for a job when it comes time for it." Hawke said, nearly skipping away toward the bazaar.

"She has a problem with money." Anders mumbled.

"She's trying to get every copper for the expedition. Leave her alone." I said.

"I still don't see why anyone would willingly go into the Deep Roads for some treasure." Anders scoffed.

"Makes you wonder the mentality of a few Grey Wardens." Fenris jabbed.

"We are a bunch of lunatics if you ask me." Anders chuckled.

"Hey!" I chided.

"Why are you alarmed?" Fenris asked.

"I'm an honorary Grey Warden so please don't badmouth them."

"You do remember Oghren right?" Anders said.

"…Ok maybe there are a few people in it that don't need mentioning." I said. Anders laughed.

"I need to go to my clinic. Drop by sometime Nia."

"I will." Anders patted my head and went toward the entrances.

"You and that mage are too close." Fenris said as we made our way from Lowtown to Hightown.

"Anders is my friend." I shrugged, making sure to pay attention to the stairs so I don't almost fall again.

"Even after he betrayed you?" Fenris asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I forgave him for that."

"So quickly I might add." He mumbled.

"I don't try to hold onto those feelings Fenris. It's not me."

"Then why were you making such a huge fuss about it when we first met him?"

"I got it out of my system Fenris. If you ever did something like that to me, I'd slap you and then forgive you."

"Even if I did something nefarious like him?"

"Yes."

"…You are a strange human." Fenris said, opening the door to our house.

"Thank you." I chuckled. He rolled his eyes and went up to his room.

I need a desk for my room. It's hard hunching over and doing it in my bed.

9:31 Firstfall 30th

"Isabela how the hell did you even find me all the way here?" I asked, trying to concentrate on making food while Isabela leaned against the doorway. She had those predatory eyes settled on me. It was making me feel slightly uncomfortable and red.

"I asked Hawke of course. I must say, you look good in an apron. It would be better if you had no clothes underneath." Isabela said, biting her lip.

"Shut it!" I said, my face growing red.

"Isabela." Fenris said, coming into the kitchen.

"Fenris my favorite elf! Besides Merrill. She is such a cute thing isn't she?" Isabela chuckled.

"Cute would not be the first thing I would use to describe her." Fenris said. Isabela walked over to where I was stirring and sniffed.

"That smells good." She purred near my ear.

"It's my soup. Of course it smells good." I mumbled.

"I have heard of your soup making talents from all over. Zevran, Anders…" She said, her mouth hovering over my ear. They were growing red as well.

"Basically the men I knew that had sex with you." I stated.

"Anders never did but that could change in the future." Isabela giggled, pressing herself against me. I rolled my eyes and she leaned over, her breath on my ear.

"Isabela I'm trying to concentrate!" I shouted.

"I'm just admiring your earrings." She said, as I felt her nibbling on my ear. I quickly pushed her away and huffed.

"Sure, that's what you're doing the next thing you'll do is-" She kissed my neck. "Isabela!" She laughed as I felt my face grow hotter.

"I cannot help but feel slightly envious at all this." Fenris said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

"Oh you want to join the fun Fenris? It's so easy making her flustered." Isabela said, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Isabela don't you start!" I squeaked.

"She has a thing for elves and deep voices." She giggled.

"Isabela! That was one time!" Her hands traveled upward.

"A time I won't forget anytime soon. You do know a woman is good for six places right? It's really the quiet ones you should-" Before her hands traveled anywhere else, I pushed her away with force.

"Isabela!"

"Careful, her head might explode." Fenris smirked.

"I dislike both of you so much right now! The soup is done so go ahead and take what you want!" I took off my apron and tried leaving but Isabela grabbed me and twirled me into her. I let out a squeak while she laughed at me.

"You are so cute kitten." She said, rubbing her cheek against mine.

"Let me go!" I whined.

"You are not struggling that hard." Fenris said, ladling his soup.

"Shut up Fenris!" I shouted. She let me go, laughing at me and getting some soup. I pouted at the ground, rubbing my face, trying to make the red go away. I sat down on a chair and hoped that the red would go away.

"Have you heard from anyone yet? No doubt they want to know where their princess is." Isabela said, sitting in front of me.

"I sent out a letter to Nathaniel back in Vigil's Keep but I haven't gotten anything back. It's going to take a while for them to respond. I could only imagine how Nathaniel is going to reprimand me once he finds out where I am." I groaned.

"He's come to Kirkwall before?" Isabela asked.

"His father sent him here."

"Who was his father?" She asked.

"Rendon Howe." I said, getting up over to the soup.

"Ah. That explains much." Isabela said.

"Rendon Howe?" Fenris wondered.

"The man that killed the current king's family and the entire Castle Highever." I scowled while getting my soup.

"…Were you there?" Fenris asked.

"Yeah but Nathaniel wasn't at fault. He didn't even know. He came back while his family name was scorned. His ignorance on his father surprised me. I told him what happened though." I said, eating slowly.

My first failure. How I couldn't convince anyone to leave. Oriana, Eleanor, Bryce...

At least I saved Oren.

"You're getting that look again." Fenris said.

"I don't have a look."

"That was delicious but I think I just made the environment heavy. I have another job for Hawke if you're interested." Isabela said, winking at me.

"If Hawke asks then I'll go." I said, avoiding her gaze.

"Then I'll see you later Kitten." Isabela winked. I rolled my eyes as she walked away.

"That woman…" I growled.

"You like her." Fenris smirked.

"I do not!"

"Your face is getting red."

"It was one time, Jesus Christ! Why can't anyone let me live it down!?"

"You had sex with a woman. People would like to know." Fenris shrugged.

"I'm not telling you the details."

"I would not even ask for them." Fenris said looking away. I glared at him.

"Yes you would." I stuck my tongue out at him and he chuckled. We settled into our usual routine of me going to go clean and he would be in his room brooding. Once I cleaned up the kitchen, I got the soup pot ready for Hawke. Fenris was waiting for me at the door already. We went down to Lowtown. Fenris looked at me then chuckled. I scowled most of the way. Fenris was most likely thinking about what happened earlier with me and Isabela. He's such a jerk. He didn't stay when Hawke invited me to the Hanged Man though.

"I have to say, you really do make a very good soup." Hawke said as she, Bethany, Carver, Varric, Anders, and I sat in our usual table in the Hanged Man.

"And why do you make so much of it? It's like you're feeding an army!" Bethany asked. We were playing Wicked Grace. A sort of downplayed version of poker where we have to gain matching suits in the deck. Once we find the Angel of Death, we have to reveal our hands.

"That's what happens when you're traveling with Grey Wardens. When they first join, their appetites skyrocket. My friend Talen nearly made me broke with the way he ate. Eating about three servings per meal. I'm glad Leliana has to deal with it now and not me." I said, looking over my cards. Anders laughed.

"I remember those days, although I don't recall the sudden appetite." He said, taking out one of his cards and getting another.

"Oh really Anders? Because the kitchen staff kept on complaining to me when they found you raiding the larder at night." I glanced at him. The others laughed.

"You ever thought about putting your experiences into a story or something Knives? You know plenty enough to start one." Varric said, discarding a card from his hand and getting another one.

"No. I don't think people would like to know about me. I may have experienced a whole lot but I was just a person at the wrong place at the wrong time." I said, discarding a card that didn't belong to my matches.

"How are you in the wrong place in the wrong time when it comes to dealing with the blight?" Carver asked.

"Well you were in the King's army which then betrayed him. I'd say it would apply to you as well Carver. Ah, I got the Angel." I said. We revealed our cards. I won again. Everyone on the table groaned.

"How in Andraste's tits did you get three serpents and two songs?" Varric wondered.

"Well-"

"She's been cheating of course." Isabela said, coming up behind me and laying her head on top of mine.

"Isabela." I stressed.

"I knew it! I thought I saw a sleight of hand when you were drawing cards!" Anders said. Isabela chuckled while I pushed her off.

"And may I ask why Captain Isabela wasn't here on this fine night?" Hawke asked, shuffling the cards.

"I was hoping you'd ask. I have a contact here that has a job in case you're interested." Isabela said, picking up five cards seemingly at random.

"We might as well sister. We're getting close to our goal." Bethany said.

"Oh so cute that you agree with me." Isabela purred. Bethany rolled her eyes at Isabela.

"Then let's go see what you friend says." Hawke said happily. Isabela revealed her hand and it was the same one I got earlier.

"How did you-" Anders started.

"Easy. I cheat." Isabela chuckled. Bethany, Hawke, Carver, and her went off somewhere. I huffed.

"Why can't Isabela leave me alone?"

"Probably because of that night you shared?" Anders teased. I flicked his nose.

"What exactly happen? I-I'm not curious but the Rivaini doesn't seem like the type to settle down or remember people. What did you do that made her remember you?" Varric asked.

"You want to know? Ask her. I have bits and pieces but I can't really remember what happened in Denerim during that week long party we had. I got…smashed, bad by some liquor."

"Oghren's brew. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. Usually on the good side if you like to black out." Anders chuckled.

"Well if we're all done here. I might as well get going. I'd rather not involve myself in Isabela's schemes." I said, getting up.

"Come on by soon Knives. I want to know about your time down in Southern Ferelden with the darkspawn camps."

"Sure. Night Varric."

"I'll escort you back." Anders said. We both left the Hanged Man. It was a quiet night for the most part. No gangs and no shady people as we made our way toward the long staircase toward Hightown.

"How are you so far in Darktown Anders? Elfroot supply? Spindleweed? Are your patients well?" I asked. Anders chuckled while putting his arm around my shoulders.

"The weather is making it hard for the spindleweed to grow but I'm finding a readily supply of elfroot here and there. Some of my patients that were healed constantly bring me what they are able to find. Although I am getting a lot of patients who are getting pneumonia due to the cold and various other injuries as well. I also delivered two babies during that time." Anders explained.

"Damn you're busy. How is that you're able to come over at the Hanged Man when you have so many people to attend to?" I wondered.

"I make time. I don't usually have anyone to bother me so late at night but there have been a few cases." Anders said. We got to the house and the windows were dark. The candles that I put earlier in the day must have snuffed out.

"Thanks Anders. I'll see you sometime."

"I still don't approve of your living situation." Anders huffed.

"Well I can't stay in the Hanged Man. I got kicked out of there already." I shrugged.

"How?"

"Ask Hawke. Good night Anders." I said, going inside. True enough the candles ran out of their wick. The house was cold but I saw the light coming from Fenris' room. I went upstairs to my own room. It was odd living the day to day life again after so long. I remember doing these things in Amaranthine as well after Anders left. It wasn't nearly so happy back then. I still had to keep in mind what was going to happen.

-/-

"There are a few entries here that are…odd." Cassandra said, going through the journals.

"Why do you say that Seeker?" Varric wondered.

"I've read through these even though their information has been erased outright but, even so, there are constant allusions that the princess knew what was going to happen." Cassandra said. Varric snorted.

"You think that the princess was, what, a seer? You know those people don't exist Cassandra. Most of them are just hedge witches that pull all their information out of their ass." Varric said, trying to change the subject.

"And yet there are plenty of phrases here that suggests she does, minus the things she wanted to keep hidden." Cassandra pushed.

"You're asking the wrong person. If you really wanted to know what's going on, besides me, why don't you look for the princess?" Varric asked.

"Even if I did do you really think she would tell me what happened within these journals of hers? I heard from Talen that she was…damaged after the final battle. That her mind wasn't whole after everything that happened." Cassandra said softly, looking at the floor. Varric sighed and rubbed his face. He still got nightmares of that fight.

"Yeah…it was tough on us all." Varric said softly. The worst happened to Nia though.

"Do you believe she saw the future?" Cassandra asked bluntly. Varric laughed.

"If she did then she didn't do anything to stop it." Varric shrugged. Cassandra looked at the journal then at him.

"Continue."

9:31 Haring 1st

"So why are we at the docks in this chilly morning?" I asked, hugging myself to stop shivering.

"Because the winter air is so refreshing? Especially the sea!" Merrill giggled.

"That is true. Makes me wistful for adventure." Isabela said, a far off look in her eye.

"Where's your contact Isabela?" Bethany asked.

"The Longshoreman should be around the corner." She said as we passed by the Qunari compound. The guard stared right ahead, not moving, not doing anything except quietly glare at all those who passed. We found the longshoreman, telling a few of his workers to move some cargo here and there.

"You are just the man I wanted to see. I'm here to look for some cargo." Hawke said.

"Cargo huh? Well take your pick." He laughed.

"A worker with a smart mouth? You don't see that every day." Hawke rolled her eyes.

"What do you want?"

"I am looking for some crates that are sealed by the Orlesian port authority."

"I haven't seen anything of the like."

"Talk to the harbor master. He checks in everything. He should be in his office." We walked away and rounded another corner where there was a man with a desk and set of papers out in the open.

"That guy has no business sense." I mumbled.

"Makes it easier to work with I suppose." Bethany said.

"Shipping manifest?" He asked.

"I seem to have misplaced it." Hawke shrugged.

"No shipping manifest. No cargo."

"Those are some exemplary rules! You should take credit for those." Hawke said sarcastically.

"Urgh! Aden, you deal with this lot."

"Sister…" Bethany stressed.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." Hawke chuckled.

"Did I miss something again?" Merrill wondered.

"Just Hawke being an ass. Nothing new." I said.

"I am to understand that you are looking for Orlesian cargo?" Aden said. "I can faintly remember receiving them but I can't remember where I put them."

"Ah yes, my memory does that as well from time to time." Hawke said, playing his game.

"The clink of gold seems to jog my memory." He said. Hawke's eyebrow twitched and she frowned.

"Hm it seems that Hawke has met her match." I mumbled.

"But how does the clink of gold jog a memory? I guess it's the same for me as well. It sometimes remind me of the rain hitting the pots back at camp." Merrill said.

"Sorry but I'm not paying for any information." Hawke said, crossing her arms.

"Then I can't help here now can I?" Hawke glared at him and we walked out. Hawke growled.

"That-"

"Don't worry. Liam leaves his information out in the open. We simply just need to come back here late at night and grab what we need." Isabela said.

"Another night run?" I sighed, rubbing my face.

"Getting sick of them already Nia?" Hawke said.

"I kinda like my bed thank you."

"Mine still kind of smells from where I bought it." Merrill's nose scrunched up.

"Trust me dearie you'd rather have a bed from Darktown then from the Blooming Rose." Isabela said.

"Experience Isabela?" I wondered.

"I could show you again." She purred.

"No!"

"Is that…by the Ancestors, it is you!" A dwarf said as we walked along the docks. He came up to me and bowed. The rest of them look confused but he looked oddly familiar. "It is an honor to meet you your highness. I am Renvil Harrowmont. My uncle Harrowmont talked much about you."

"Are you…you're one of his nephews. A produce merchant right?" I said.

"Yes your highness! He told of us of your mercy when inducing us into the farming caste up in the surface. We are slowly gaining some momentum even though King Bhelen still refuses to open his doors for us." Renvil chuckled weakly.

"I'm glad you are your family are settling in. How go the farms?"

"Going strong my lady, especially in the harsh winter down south. Oh we have opened shop right in Lowtown. My sister Hilda runs it. She is sure to give you a discount should you go there. Please introduce yourself to her your highness." He suggested. I nodded.

"Thank you Renvil. Take care of yourself." We shook hands and he went off to his own cargo near the ship. Everyone gave me a look. "What?"

"So it's true when Varric said you were co-owner of the farms in Orzammar." Hawke said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah. The dwarves really respect me. Weird to get that attention though." I said sheepishly, looking at the ground.

"I thought it was nice. Did you help him?" Merrill asked.

"His clan was forced to become surfacers by King Bhelen. I was able to convince him, with my friend Derek, to make them produce merchants. At least with this they are still able to do some good for the dwarven people." I said.

"You're a good person." Bethany said. My face flushed.

"I look out for the people who can't do it themselves." I shrugged.

"Then with this I reward you! Take the night off. I think Isabela and I can handle this shipment by ourselves." Hawke said, putting her arm around me. Damn was she tall.

"You sure about that?"

"We can get someone else to help us like Carver or Varric." Bethany said.

"…You want something from me don't you?" I said flatly.

"Oh was I that obvious?" Hawke wondered.

"Your stew was delicious…" Bethany said.

"And with the discount you're going to get…" Hawke added.

"Fine, fine, I'll make the stew again." I chuckled.

"Great! Late dinner, our place!" Hawke said, slapping my back.

"Oh! Fantastic! Can I bring water?" Merrill asked.

"Cooking for everyone huh? Might as well get started." I sighed.

"It's going to be a cramped party." Bethany said. Isabela chuckled.

"Ok off you go!" Hawke said. We all laughed as we came out of the docks. Hawke and Bethany went their own way and Isabela accompanied Merrill back to her home. I went to Lowtown and asked around the bazaar. I found Hilda in a small alleyway. Her produce was in store since it was too cold outside.

"Excuse me? Is there a Hilda Harrowmont here?" I asked.

"Yes? We have all the fresh produce you can find, grown in the Gardens of Orzammar, picked to perfection, and cared for with the best of hands." She was a small thing with a messy bun, at her desk sorting through papers. There were a few people inside already, looking at what she had. There were workers here and there tending to the store.

"Your brother Renvil sent me here. He said that you might have a discount for me."

"And why would he-" She looking up from her receipts and took a step back. "Oh your highness! I am so sorry I didn't recognize you!" I chuckled though I noticed the added attention from everyone in the store.

"It's ok. I don't really get that whole recognition thing. I was wondering if I can have a few items."

"Of course your highness and with your discount of course!" I bought some large cleaned hominy, a few dried spices, and a few vegetables. I stopped by the meat market and got some chicken and nug. I went back to Hightown. I quickly took off my daggers and armor and went to the kitchen. I got a big pot and got to work. Boiling the chicken and nug, adding pieces of onion, slight salt. Once all that was boiled and done, I took out the onion and added more salt, spices and the hominy. I made sure the fire was at a mild flame.

I sang one of my favorite songs but in a minor scale instead of major. I cut up the cabbage and radishes that I got from the store. I put them in bowls.

"Hm that looks good." I mumbled to myself.

"When do you not cook?" Fenris asked, leaning in the doorway.

"Well I'm paying my rent in food so I have to cook all the time right?" I said.

"I thought you were out with Hawke on her mission." Fenris asked.

"I was but we have to go late at night to look for the info that we need. Come here, taste this for me." I gave him a spoon and he sipped at the broth. "Do you think that's enough salt or should I add more?" He smacked his lips.

"A bit more."

"Alright." I said, putting a dash more.

"Why are you making so much soup?" He asked, looking at the large pot.

"Well apparently one of the families I helped back in Orzammar has a produce shop here. When Hawke learned about that she sent me into the kitchen to cook for everyone. We're having a dinner party at her house." I explained.

"In her small house."

"Yes."

"And everyone will be there."

"Yes."

"…Where are we going to sit?"

"Well Jarvis is a very nice dinner partner." I chuckled. Fenris groaned.

* * *

 **Is it me or are my chapters getting longer? Also, keep on the look out for another fanfic of mine. I'm going to be uploading a companion piece that focuses on Derek, Eren, and Talen after the Blight and that continues alongside this story. :3**

 **Shout out to Orchidellia and InsanitySorrow 2 .0 for following!**

 **Buggy300:** _Oh she wasn't going to kill him. She was going to try to make him clean._  
 **Dforce76:** _They need to get transferred. They can't just run from one circle to another because the First Enchanter will need to send them back from where they came from. Sad reality..._  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _A lot of good questions which I still can't really answer due to spoilers. Fenris is Fenris. When he sees Halo/Nia, it won't be pretty. Yes, Sebastian...I had fun writing him that's for sure. As to him and Anders...time will only tell._

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, FearaNightmare, EG, and WardenMahariel for reviewing! Please Review!**


	13. Knight Captain

9:31 Haring 1st

"MMM!" Isabela moaned as she ate my stew.

"Can you not moan like that Isabela!?" I shouted, my face becoming red.

"Give her a break Knives, this is good!" Varric laughed.

"How did the dinner party moved here?" Fenris asked.

"I have no idea." I shook my head. Apparently when Hawke talked about the dinner party, it was at Fenris' mansion. Unfortunately I didn't have a long table that fit everyone. I had a lot of benches though so that was something.

"What was this called again?" Bethany asked.

"Pozole. It's a hominy and meat stew." I said, eating my fill. I make good soup.

"Why didn't you make this back at Vigil's Keep?" Anders asked.

"Because we were too busy doing stuff over there for me to cook?" I shrugged.

"Hey that was my piece!" Carver shouted.

"Too bad Carver!" Hawke stuck her tongue out, stealing a piece of his chicken.

"You'll have to give me the recipe one of these days." Aveline asked.

"I'll find time for it." I laughed.

"I'm wondering if you could add in a few more spices next time?" Merrill asked. "Oh! I could have taken a few from the camp! Curses I didn't remember."

There was a warm feeling inside. Having everyone there, laughing, joking, eating together. It was nice. It was the slow times like these that made me cherish the fact that I was allowed to wind down from time to time. Not everything had to be 'save this' or 'do that.' I could breath for once.

"So did you get your information?" I asked.

"They already got their coin's worth." Fenris said.

"Wait is that you were gone when I was setting everything up?" I wondered. Fenris chuckled.

"We were even able to get some juicy tidbit for someone in the Hanged Man at the docks." Isabela said, winking at me.

"We are so close to that expedition I can almost taste it!" Hawke said. Varric laughed. "You're coming right Nia?"

"Well do you know anyone else who's an expert at killing darkspawn?" I asked with my eyebrow raised.

"Well there is a Grey Warden here." Anders said smugly.

"Anders you're an ex Grey Warden remember?" I said.

"Oooh burn." Isabela chuckled.

"How does one become an ex Grey Warden exactly?" Aveline asked.

"They run away never to be seen again." I answered

"I failed on the not to be seen again." Anders said. I laughed.

"Oh! Nia I have a favor to ask." Hawke asked.

"I swear it wasn't me." I said flatly.

"What?"

"Nothing, what is it Hawke?"

"We found a letter from that warehouse that took Feynriel. Since it was the same warehouse as the poison, I thought you could take it to the Templar in the Gallows." Hawke said, sipping at the broth.

"We can't take it unfortunately." Bethany said.

"Sure, just give me the letter. I'll deliver it."

"There's no reason why you shouldn't go. As long as you don't take your staff then the Templars can't do anything." Anders said.

"We're not taking chances." Bethany said.

"You should be the one worried here Anders. You have a reputation with the Templars so you are the one in most danger from them." Aveline reasoned.

"They know I'm doing good. That's probably the reason why they're not dragging me to the circle." Anders shrugged.

"Then the Templars are not doing their job." Fenris mumbled.

"Fenris, Anders, do I need to separate you two?" I said sternly.

"It must be hard managing your two boyfriends." Hawke snickered.

"Hawke they are not my boyfriends. Say that again, and this will be the last time you will taste this soup."

9:31 Haring 2nd

"Oh yes solid ground." I said, getting off the rowboat to the gallows.

"I have never seen someone shake so much during a boat ride." Fenris said.

"I don't like boats."

"Apparently." Fenris smirked. We came into the gallows and I saw the statues with their hands in their faces, the immense white building that was ominous just approaching it. Kinloch Hold was a large tall tower which was intimidating to see but this felt more like a prison than anything.

"The Circle of Magi. This would be my first time seeing these. They are very different from the ones in Tevinter." Fenris mentioned.

"It looks like a prison."

"A very effective prison."

"Well, let's go see about this Templar, shall we?" I said. There were many Templars here and there and a few mages selling their wares. The main gate to go into the Circle was closed. I saw a familiar red haired Templar. The one that Hawke mentioned. "Excuse me are you Ser Thrask?"

"I am sorry but I am investigating a case about a lost mage boy. If you have concerns please see-"

"Actually Hawke already found Feynriel. He's with the Dalish now."

"So you are the ones that overheard my talk with his mother. Interesting but at least the boy will be safe." Thrask sighed.

"I have a letter for you. It was found in a warehouse and was addressed to you." I said, giving him the letter. "It was from your daughter."

"My daughter!? Then you…you know of what she is. I tried to convince her to stay in the circle and, Maker, I should have forced her to stay…I tracked her down to that warehouse and I saw what she became. My own weakness as a father destroyed her." Thrask looked at the letter with a deep sadness.

"You won't have to worry about anyone knowing though. I'll keep your secret." I promised.

"Thank you. I wouldn't want her name to be smeared all over before her ashes are even cold." Thrask said, before going up the stairs toward the Templar quarters. I nodded and Fenris and I went back to the boat.

"So you are a mage sympathizer." Fenris glared at me.

"I'm a mother and I would like to know about my kids should something happen to them."

"And a mage sympathizer."

"Not all mages are bad Fenris." I rolled my eyes.

"So you say." We got on the boat and I paid the ferryman. "So far we have seen an abomination, a blood mage, Hawke, and her sister which is the only one that is afraid of her magic."

"Hawke isn't a bad person."

"Is she now? Then why did she allow a man to sell poison to line her own pockets or her own grey morality in handling the mission she undertakes? The only good thing about Hawke is that she does not look for more power but that can change." Fenris growled.

"You are so cynical. Why can't you have more faith in people?"

"Faith does not stop mages." Fenris said, crossing his arms. I groaned.

"Besides I'm not Hawke's keeper. Whatever she does is her own doing. She'll pay for the consequences in due time. I'm just there helping her get money for her expedition."

"Which brings me to my next question, why are you here helping her? Varric wants her as a business partner, Hawke took Merrill from her clan, Aveline has previous history with her, I stay because of what she did for me, but what about you? Why are you here?" Fenris asked as we got off the boat.

"Because a witch decided to bring me here and I have no money to go home." I said flatly. Fenris gave me a stare. "I'm serious."

"A witch brought you here?" Fenris wondered.

"Yes. I…unknowingly…ok wait that's not the right word. Well when I first met her I was scared shitless and just agreed to her help, not knowing that she would want something from me later. So with that she helped me come here. The thing is when I came here, I only had my essentials. You see how little I own. I came here unprepared and with no money, well barely enough for the minimum at least. Even now I'm trying to make sure I'm not running out of anything. I'm good with money and not spending it frivolously. I have to thank my experience with Talen on that. When I came here, Hawke was there. Then Varric revealed who I was and Hawke asked for my help and I said yes."

"Is that it? You happen to stumble upon Hawke's group and agreed to help her?"

"Isn't that what happened to you?" I pointed out. Fenris stayed silent and looked away. "I'm staying Fenris now more for her than for myself. Hawke is a friend and if she needs me I'll be there."

"How loyal." Fenris huffed.

"I've been called that before."

"So what is your stance on mages?"

"Fenris why do you keep asking me that when you know my answer?" I was getting irritated.

"You tell me that the circles are needed and yet you are keeping an apostate safe. That same apostate that has a demon inside of it." Fenris glared.

"Anders is my friend and Justice isn't a demon and…he doesn't fit in a circle. If he was there then something bad would likely happen." I mumbled.

"Is that it? You are protective the people in the circle from what he is?"

"In part and I'm also protecting him. You know how many refugees are in this city. All of them displaced from the Blight. Barely any of them have money to afford a real healer. He's the only one who's helping. The nobles don't care, the citizens don't care, all they want is for them to go back to Ferelden, which can't happen because they can't afford it." I explained. "Anders is needed."

"I am saying he is volatile. If he turns on you-" He started.

"Then I'll punch him in the face. I can protect myself Fenris."

"We shall see."

"Ah our favorite brooding couple is back." Varric said as we passed him and Hawke with Aveline in Lowtown.

"We are not a couple." I said.

"Nia."

"Aveline."

"Did you deliver the letter?" Hawke asked.

"Yep."

"Good, because we're going to the gallows again." Hawke said, walking past me toward the dock that would head back to the Gallows.

"Wait, what?"

"We got a thing about a missing Templar and Hawke here wants to help them, for a price of course." Varric said, rubbing his fingers. Aveline sighed and shook her head.

"The world revolves around money Varric!" Hawke stated.

"Ugh, I'm only here to help them find the Templar. A missing person is always something that the guard needs to know." Aveline said.

"I have had enough of the gallows at this point." Fenris said, stalking off toward the house.

"What's up with him?" Hawke wondered.

"We got into a debate and he didn't see eye to eye with me." I shrugged.

"Your first fight?" Aveline smirked.

"Not you too Aveline." I whined. She chuckled.

"Let's go and see what happened to our wayward Templar." Hawke skipped. We went down over to where they would lead us to the gallows and I saw Anders accept a package from the ferryman.

"Anders! Glad to see you out of that dark pit you live in." Hawke chuckled.

"Hah, thank you for putting it like that." Anders sighed.

"What are you doing out here Blondie?"

"Gathering herbs for my patients, and you all?" Anders asked.

"We've been given the task to find a missing Templar." Aveline answered.

"His sister gave us the direction to go to the gallows first and ask questions there." Hawke said.

"You're going to the gallows…with your staff." Anders said. I face palmed. I forgot about that fact.

"Well since you're here…" Hawke said, giving him her staff.

"What-" Hawke gave Anders her staff without another word.

"There now I'm a normal person. We'll see each other when we come back!" Hawke said as we went into the ferry.

"Hey!" Anders shouted.

"Thank you so much Anders!" Hawke giggled as we settled into the ferry. She paid the ferryman and we went on our way. I saw Anders' gaping face as we left. I gave him an apologetic look.

"You're evil Hawke." I gripped against the boat as we continued on.

"Afraid of boats Knives?"

"I'm not fond of them." I said. Hawke smirked evilly.

"Oh no it's tipping over! We're gaining water! Oh the humanity!" Hawke yelled, rocking the boat back and forth. I swear I nearly broke my fingers gripping the boat so hard.

"Stop rocking the boat or I swear to God I will punch you!"

"Hawke!" Aveline shouted.

"Ok, ok!" Hawke laughed. My knuckles were white the whole entire road. Aveline sighed while Varric laughed at it all. We came into the gallows again. I saw Ser Thrask but there were those three recruits all standing around each other.

"I think those are the ones that the sister mentioned…Hello, fine day. I was wondering if you knew about a missing Templar named Keran?" Hawke asked, putting her hands on her hips with a big grin on her face. The girl crossed her arms and looked away.

"We are not allow to speak to you messere."

"To the void! Keran and many others are missing!"

"We have orders."

"Orders for what? To leave our friends to their possible deaths? We need outside help, the knights aren't helping at all."

"Well if you're already defying the order to talk to me, you might as well spill all of it." Hawke shrugged.

"Knight Commander Meredith has a new initiation that recruits have to go through. If the recruit isn't strong enough or his faith isn't fervent enough, then you don't come back alive."

"You can't really believe that."

"No one has come back."

"Wilmod came back."

"What?"

"I saw him this morning."

"Maybe he knows where all the missing recruits are." Aveline said.

"Anything we know of Wilmod?" I asked.

"He said that he was going to take a walk outside of Kirkwall, to clear his head."

"Why didn't you tell us this?"

"Knight Captain Cullen gave me his order, before going and following Wilmod. They only just left. If you leave now, you might catch up with them."

"Let's go." I said.

"After you." Hawke chuckled.

"You better not rock the boat this time." I glared.

"Maker forbid if I did that!" Hawke said sarcastically and chuckled under her breath. We got into the boat and I glared at Hawke.

"…I don't like you Hawke."

"Aww you love me…rough waves ahead! The boat can't stand it captain! Ah! An iceberg ahead!" Hawke proceeded to rock the boat again. I gripped it like my life depended on it.

"Wah!"

"Stop scaring her!" Aveline shouted as Hawke laughed at my fearful expression.

"This is priceless!" Varric laughed. We got back, my stomach doing flips in anxiety.

"Land! Anders!" I said, hugging him as he leaned against a wall.

"Such a touching reunion, I feel tears coming on." Hawke fake sniffled.

"What happened?" Anders wondered.

"She doesn't like boats!" Hawke said proudly.

"That's it! No more soup for you!" I threatened.

"Enough! Are we going after the Templars or not?" Aveline said.

"Yes." Hawke and I said at the same time.

"Then let's go." Aveline said sternly. Varric laughed underneath his breath. Anders came up with us, giving Hawke her staff back.

"Thank you for keeping this nice and warm." Hawke giggled.

"It…has an interesting design." Anders commented. It's staff head was one of a woman with a simple mandela in the back.

"It was my father's. My sister never liked it but it was his and…that makes it special." Hawke said softly with a smile on her face. "Anyway, let's keep going. We need to find that Templar and get more money!" Hawke said, jogging toward the gates.

"She has a problem." I said.

"That's not even half of it." Aveline said. We followed Hawke out of the gates. The bright sun made the frost sparkle on the ground. It didn't snow as much as here than in Ferelden. It made me sad slightly. We followed the Dead Man's Pass. I heard a few clinks of armor and ran ahead of Hawke. I saw Cullen, grabbing Wilmod by his shoulders.

"Andraste as my witness, Wilmod, you will tell me the truth!"

"Mercy, Knight Captain, Mercy!"

"It's never that easy."

"Please don't hit me!" He kicked Wilmod in the groin and he fell down. Cullen took out his sword.

"You will tell me where you're going now!"

"Hey!" I shouted. Cullen looked at me once then did a double take.

"You…"

"Well isn't this a surprise? Do the Templars abuse their recruits now as well as mages?" Hawke said, coming up to me.

"This is not your concern stranger." Then Wilmod began cackling.

"You won't hit me anymore, you pathetic human! To me!" Wilmod abandoned his human shell and emerged as an abomination. Then he pressed again the veil and brought out more demons to fight against us.

"Maker preserve us!"

"Shit!" I said. I evaded a blow from the demon and rushed it. It tumbled down the cliff but another grabbed me from behind. I felt its body become cold and it shattered, releasing me from its grip. I ran toward the next demon and clocked it on the head before Cullen came and stabbed right through it. He gave me a glance. He remembered me. I pushed him out of the way as two more came toward us. They were both frozen then shattered by a force spell. Wilmod was being kept back by Aveline and Varric. Cullen came by and stabbed through the shade's face.

It didn't matter as more demons came through the weakened veil. Four more sloth demons and a rage demon. Anders froze the rage demon and I smashed it to pieces. Two more were around me before I saw them being pelted by arrows. The other two were taken down by Cullen and Aveline. Cullen growled.

"I knew…I knew there was something sinister about all of this but possession? How is this possible?"

"A Templar that was possessed? Isn't that an irony." Hawke chuckled.

"Normally its only mages that can get possessed. I have heard of a few blood mages or demons in their strongest form who can summon demons to possess unwilling hosts. I didn't think that someone from the order can fall though."

"With what we've already seen in Kirkwall, nothing seems to surprise me anymore." Hawke shrugged.

"I am Knight Captain Cullen. I thank you for assisting me." He looked at me for a second before I looked away. "I was conducting an investigation for the recruits that have been going missing. Wilmod was the first that returned. I was hoping to confront him quietly, out of sight from everyone."

"Yes and I am sorry that it didn't happen that way. Maybe next time you should do it publicly in front of a group." Hawke suggested.

"Hawke." Aveline warned.

"Unfortunately this means that I must widen my search. I was hoping to gain some knowledge to where one of our best recruits, Keran, might be. Wilmod and Keran were friends and were often at the Blooming Rose. I hadn't had any luck interrogating…the…um...ladies there. I doubt that any of them know of magic or demons."

"Ah the brothel? Might as well see if old Uncle-kins is there. I can search there." Hawke said confidently.

"If you can help with this search then the order would be grateful. No one would even speak with me out of fear of shutting down their establishment. If you find anything at all, please come meet me in the gallows. I will make sure to give you a reward. Now…why are you doing here?" Cullen asked, looking at me.

"Hm?"

"Don't play stupid with me. Did you think I wouldn't recognize you?"

"Oh old lover perhaps?" Hawke asked. Cullen turned red and I groaned.

"No! We have been…acquainted before." I mumbled.

"Why is it that the first sign of trouble you'd be here?" Cullen said, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.

"Unlucky I guess?" I chuckled nervously.

"And weren't you in Ferelden? Aren't you the princess now?"

"Um yes I am but I like to travel?"

"You're a horrible liar."

"I'm trying at least." I chuckled.

"Can someone explain to me what is going on here?" Hawke wondered.

"I met him during the Blight. It was a short and brief encounter. I'm surprised that you remember me." I said. Cullen gave me a soft sigh.

"Truthfully I never wanted anything to remind me of that place. Maybe it is coincidence that you are here but please keep your trouble out of the gallows. I will excuse your mage friends this time because they are helping. I won't overlook the next." Cullen glared, sheathing his sword. Cullen gave a brief nod to Anders before going on his way. I let out a breath I didn't know I had.

"Wow, remind me not to get on his bad side." I said, rubbing my face.

"Explanation?" Hawke asked.

"He was in the Circle during their little mage rebellion. My group saved him and I stopped him from attacking the other mages. It was really brief and short, honest."

"Another admirer, when will you stop having them!?" Hawke laughed.

"It's not like that!"

"Can we please go and…I can't believe I'm saying this, to the Blooming Rose." Aveline said. Varric guffawed.

"And I thought it would be a bright place in Orzammar before you said that!"

"Let's go. I'd rather not stay around here." Anders said.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Whatever he did the veil grew slightly weak around here. I don't want more demons to come through." Hawke said as we went back to the gates of Kirkwall. "Onward to Hightown and the Blooming Rose!" Hawke said, pointing to the heavens.

"Yeah just go ahead and shout it to the heavens, make sure the Maker knows about it too." I said flatly.

"Ok, we-!"

"Hawke!" Aveline shouted.

"Fine, fine." Hawke laughed.

"It's getting late. Are you sure you want to go to the Blooming Rose at night?" Anders said.

"Isn't it the best time?" Hawke said. I rolled my eyes. We went up to Hightown. Aveline breathed a sigh of relief when there were no pretenders anywhere.

"Worried that we might find trouble?" I asked.

"No I'm not. Hawke, lead the way." Aveline said.

"I can only imagine the type of things Fenris would say if he found out I was at the Blooming Rose…at night…" I said.

"Afraid that you'll be leaving him in the dust while going and finding someone new?" Hawke said, elbowing me suggestively.

"You know…go ahead fine. I must tell you now Hawke before it blows up inside of me; I like Fenris."

"No! If you deny it then it's funnier." Hawke gave me a face of mock horror.

"Well boo hoo on you." I said sticking my tongue at her. She tried flicking me and I swapped her hand as I chuckled. We came in front of the Blooming Rose. Aveline was looking very uncomfortable at all of this. Anders sighed.

"I hope they don't try to recruit me again." Anders mumbled.

"Beg pardon?" Aveline said.

"Nothing."

"Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of here!" Hawke laughed, opening the door. There was light string music on and many people around the small bar. I saw scantily clad woman, human and elf, men, and various connecting rooms all over the place. I heard a few…sounds coming from them that the music wasn't able to mask.

"You're getting red Knives."

"Shush."

"How about you all stay here while I go and question since it seems that everyone is getting lead feet?" Varric said. All of us looked at each other at front door.

"This is stupid." I said, following Varric. He went up to the woman taking care of the sign in while I tried to keep my vision ahead and not focusing on anything. He asked about the Templar recruits. Hawke was busy talking to a few of the...workers here. Anders kept on looking around nervously while Aveline had her guard face one that kept everyone away.

"You sure they both had time to be Templars? It says here that they were both meeting with Idunna the Exotic Wonder from the East."

"Many thanks."

"Sure…you didn't hear this from me." Varric gave me a nod. Anders came along with us.

"Hawke and Aveline?" I asked.

"Hawke is caught up talking to...a few men and Aveline has gone to the front door." Anders answered.

"Idunna. She should be upstairs." Varric said. The three of us went up the stairs. Idunna was brushing her hair at her vanity when she noticed us.

"Idunna? The Exotic Wonder from the East?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"I'm here looking for information about two Templar recruits that have gone missing. Wilmod and Keran. They visited you often." I said.

"Hmm…Wilmod, Wilmod, no that doesn't ring a bell." She said, trying to act innocent.

"You can drop the act. The papers don't like who you've been servicing." I glared at her.

"Oh come on…let's drop the questions and…have some fun." Idunna said, sitting on a bed, trying to service us.

"Knives…go easy on…this lovely creature…" I rolled my eyes at him and glared at her. I knew she was-. It-.

"Uh huh, just answer the question." I said, crossing my arms and trying to come off as threatening.

"One question. Who told you about little old me?" I felt an almost grey sheet wrap around my eyes. I felt that small power inching itself out of me but I pushed it down. It was enough for me not to get mind tricked but Varric wasn't so lucky.

"Viveka, she showed me the books. Told me about you." Varric said.

"Viveka, that damn sewer rat. She will be dealt with."

"What is going on here?" Anders groaned, holding his head.

"Now do me a favor, grab your knife and draw it across your throat." Varric grabbed at it before I got out of my stupor and slapped a bitch. Varric gasped dropping it.

"How…oh shit! Spare me messere." She knelt before me.

"Now you're going to tell me everything I know. If you try that again, I won't be so merciful." I threatened.

"It was Tarohne. She put me here to send Templar recruits to the sanctuary. Three Spear Alley, in the Undercity. I enchanted both Wilmod and Keran weeks ago. I do not know what became of them once they left these walls. Please spare me." She said quickly with a hint of fear.

"Oh my head." Varric groaned.

"Anders, go get Aveline to send for Templars. She's going to the circle." I said.

"The Circle but she-" Anders started.

"Nearly killed Varric. Go." I said in a low voice. Anders scoffed but did as I asked. I crossed my arms as she knelt in front of me.

"What happened?" Varric wondered.

"Mind control. It's not pretty." I sighed.

"Apparently." Varric growled. Idunna sat on the floor, biting her lips before Aveline came by with a few guards from outside.

"They will take her to the gallows. Have you acquired our information?" Aveline asked.

"Yes we-" Then I heard low groaning and moans plus some banging from the next room.

"Can we get out of here first?" Aveline sighed.

"Mind control?" Varric said again.

"Don't worry about it. I won't tell anyone." I chuckled. We went outside the Blooming Rose.

"So what have you found?" Hawke asked.

"We have our destination, Darktown." I said.

"Did you have to put her in the Circle?" Anders objected.

"Anders…" I sighed, shaking my head.

"She mind controlled me Blondie! Where were you in all of this?" Varric asked.

"Uh-"

"She got to you too." I guessed.

"But you…how did you-" Anders began. I realized the implication though and made sure to stop him from revealing too much.

"I guess I'm just resistant! Now let's go." I said, through clenched teeth, grabbing Anders' arm.

"Was it-"

"Yes it was. Don't tell any of them. You saw how they reacted to you. How the hell do you think they're react to me hm?" I stressed. Anders sighed and nodded.

"Hey wait! I know you want some alone time but please don't do it in a small alley, that's not hygienic." Hawke chuckled.

"Anders wouldn't mind." I said flatly.

"No! You're supposed to deny!" Hawke whined. I stuck my tongue out and Hawke chased me around. I laughed and giggled as Hawke tried to grab me to no avail.

"Andraste preserve me." Aveline shook her head.

"At least she's having fun." Anders laughed.

* * *

 **We have met Curly, I repeat, Curly has been sighted! I'm surprise no one has touched on the massive foreshadowing last chapter. Eh, there will be more to come.**

 **Shout out to PhaseShiftX for following!**

 **Guest:** _It's Nia POV, but it changes sometimes as Varric is still telling the story. They're just reading through Nia's journal to make sure Varric isn't lying to Cassandra._  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _Technically Nia doesn't even need to work since she gets so much coin from the farms in Orzammar. Yes, think about the many questions, squirm as you're getting your answers at a slow pace! Muhahah! I'm glad you're enjoying everything.  
_ **EG:** _It depends on the party members that you bring during the fight with Meredith. If you have Aveline (And she's married) Donnic will help. If you have Isabela or Varric, Zevran will help, and Nathaniel will help as well._

 **Thank you Buggy300 and Taffy and Sweetrolls for your review! Please Review!**


	14. Exhaustion

9:31 Haring 2nd

"Damn, Darktown gets really dark in the night doesn't it?" I said, tripping over many things due to the fact that only a few torches were lighting the way. We were underground with barely any light.

"Why do you think it's called Darktown and not Lighttown?" Hawke shrugged.

"Varric do you know where this sanctuary she was talking about?" Aveline asked.

"It should be…here." We found a set of stairs going deeper into the Undercity.

"This should be an experience no doubt." Hawke said, going down first. We came down and saw an empty spacious room.

"Keep on the lookout for our Templar. He should be-" Hawke started before I saw demons being summoned all around us. Five shades. I twirled and stabbed one in the back and twisted both of my daggers. Two more were frozen and shattered by Anders, Varric, and Aveline. Hawke pushed two more against the ground before they faded as well.

Six more came into the battle. Four more shades, an abomination looking demon and a rage demon at the end of the room. I tackled one, stabbing my daggers right through, kicking another one away from me into Aveline's sword. The rage demon came closer before it got frozen and I did a roundhouse kick to smash it. Hawke had pushed the other two shades against the wall as Varric let out a barrage of arrows on them.

"Demons at least we know we're on the right track…get it? Abandoned mining track?" Hawke snickered.

"Oh Hawke that was horrible!" Varric said. I chuckled. We cleared that room and went toward the few corridors down. Two more shades were waiting for us along with a skeleton archer. I ran past the shades and did a hammer blow on the skull of the skeleton archer. The two shades were destroyed by Aveline and Varric. We went into the next room. As soon as we reached the bottom of the stairs, skeleton archers came to life. Six of them. I did a leg sweep on the one that was behind us. Varric and Aveline went into the main fray. I crushed the skull underneath my boot. I evaded another skeleton archer's arrow. Anders' wacked its skull into it broke. Varric broke two others with Bianca, and Aveline decapitated the last two.

Another six came to life. I didn't waste any time and decapitated two that were nearest me. Anders froze two, Hawke pushed them down. Varric got one and Aveline crushed the last one with her shield.

We went through some turns and corridors. We went down some stairs until we saw a body floating suspended in air. He was twirling slowly with magic all around him. His body was still moving.

"What in Maker's breath is this?" Hawke whispered.

"Oh good! More volunteers for our experiments!" A mage said with her lackeys behind her. She had a crazed look on her face with numerous scars.

"Where's Keran?" I said.

"Let's see if the demons find one of you acceptable?"

"Why must it always be demons? Can't you people just say no to blood magic for once?" Anders wondered.

"You think that a demon came to look for my body! It was not like that! I sought them out! They gave me power!"

"You know we defeated all your demons and abominations right?" Hawke said.

"The demons like spirit. Soon the ranks of Templars will amass with demons! How many do you think they'll be able to find before it drives Knight Commander Meredith crazy?" I rolled my eyes and checked that my daggers were held on tight.

"That's enough." I said, running toward the mages. They didn't expect my sudden attack and I stabbed Tarohne in the chest, after I did that I did a leg sweep to two of the mages before a force spell sent me flying back.

"Don't you think things through!?" Anders said, using his cold spells.

"Not really!" I shouted, getting up. Aveline and Varric were able to use my distraction and got the other three mages. More and more abominations came through and attacked us but Anders froze all of them. We took them out one by one. Then I felt that slight prickle of cold as a desire demon came out. Varric didn't waste time and did a barrage of arrows. The desire demon didn't stand a chance against Bianca.

With Tarohne dead, the enchantment over Keran ended. The spell keeping him aloft burned out and he fell on the ground. He groaned but got up.

"It's…it's over? Oh thank the Maker. I thought he abandoned me."

"Keran?" Hawke wondered.

"Yes…that's my name."

"You need to check. We don't know if it is Keran plus one, a very dangerous plus one." Varric said. I took out my daggers and went to swipe, stopping my dagger short of his throat.

"What are you doing!?"

"He's good. If there was a demon inside of him it would automatically reacted to defend itself." I explained.

"So to tell the Templars or not tell the Templars…decisions, decisions." Hawke said, putting her hands on her hips and tapping her foot.

"Please don't tell them. I love the order but I don't know what they will do to me once they know."

"Hmmm…" Hawke rubbed her chin as if she had a beard.

"Hawke…" Aveline stressed.

"Oh all right, just because I'm in a giving mood. You can go Keran."

"Thank you. I need to go…now." Keran said, going through the same passage we did.

"We still need to report to the Knight Captain. Can you try not to mention too much of blood magic? We don't need more Templars breathing down our necks." Anders said.

"I'll leave that to this one here!" Hawke said, patting my shoulder.

"What?" I wondered.

"You have history with the Knight Captain. Bat your lovely eyelashes and tell him that everything is fine. I'd rather not go to the gallows. Anyway, it's late. I need my beauty sleep." Hawke shrugged.

"I barely have any eyelashes…or eyebrows…" I mumbled.

"They are very faint." Anders said matter of fact.

"And that's why there's a thing called make up. Anyway, this was just plain weird for me. I'd rather go back to the Hanged Man were there's some normalcy." Varric shook his head.

"I must go to the barracks. I have to get some rest."

"I'll escort you home." Anders said.

"Yipee." I said flatly before he ruffled my hair. "Hey!" Anders chuckled. We came out of Darktown and it was very dark out. I felt my eyes growing tired now that all the action has faded away. I yawned loudly.

"Tired?"

"It's been a long day. One that I'm grateful for. Fenris and I…got into a debate." I huffed.

"What did he say to you?"

"Oh you know the usual mages are evil and I said that some mages aren't evil and stuff. I wasn't trying to convince him or anything. All I was doing was saying my opinion. He didn't like it."

"I'm surprised that he doesn't. Mages are oppressed like slaves, like he used to be. Why can't he see that?"

"Because it was mages that enslaved him Anders. He has a reason and it's a good reason too."

"So you side with him?"

"All I'm saying is that mages still need a place to study to make sure that they don't make mistakes. Being in a Circle gives them that chance Anders."

"Being put into a prison you mean." Anders scoffed.

"You sure that Kinloch Hold is like that now? Especially with Talen at the reins?" Anders grew quiet at that. "They can know their families there. They can spend time with them. Hell, Arl Eamon visits his son Connor. They have that chance. I think that's the true chance we can have. What we need is balance Anders. Not too much here, not too much there, just right here in the middle." I argued. Anders chuckled bitterly.

"I doubt the world would see it like that. Trust me when I say that something needs to give. Maybe the Circle in Ferelden has changed but that doesn't mean that the others will. We can't start with just one that's equal. All of them need to be equal."

"Anders…" I exasperated.

"I know what you're trying to say Nia and I'm grateful that you're trying to bridge the peace but you must remember what Templars nearly did to me. What they nearly did to you…" Anders said, putting his hand on my shoulder as we neared the house. "I won't let that happen to you. Get some sleep." I sighed and nodded my head, going on home. Fenris' room was going strong with light. I noticed that I haven't eaten since lunch. Sleep or food? I chose food. I made a quick over medium egg on a slice of bread with some cold milk.

I really wanted peace. That's all I wanted. I wanted both sides to view what they were truly for. Templars are meant to protect people from magic and mages from themselves. They are protectors not just mage killers. Mages are dangerous though but once they can understand that danger they can be careful. A place of peace for both sides.

It was a naïve idea but I wanted it to come true.

9:31 Haring 3rd

I yawned. I got up late morning. I did a quick bath and went to gather my things. I made a quick butter and toast to start my day. I made some eggs along with bread, lettuce, and tomato for Fenris. He took it without looking at me. I put my hair up and got out. I went toward the ferry to go to the gallows. The ferryman looked back behind me.

"That girl isn't with you?"

"No so there won't be any shenanigans. Please take me to the gallows." I paid for the ferry and off we went. I held onto my seat until my knuckles grew white. We reached it and I saw Cullen with Keran and his sister. They were talking softly to each other.

"Yo." I raised my hand in greeting.

"You again. Where is your…friend?" Cullen looked over my shoulder.

"She decided to not risk it and sent me in her place. I got good news and bad news. The bad news? Half of your recruits are probably possessed with demons." I said flatly.

"Maker's breath!" Cullen grumbled.

"D-Did you say demons?" The sister took a few steps away from Keran.

"No, not Keran, that's the good news. He's the only one who's safe." I said.

"I didn't want to tell you Macha. Those mages were insane, wanted to destroy the Templars and the Chantry. They won't stop either not until we are all crushed beneath their magic." Keran said.

"Not all mages are evil." I said.

"That is true but that doesn't mean that any of them are free from temptation. From the lowest of apprentice to seasoned enchanters, there will always be a chance that they can become abominations. They are not like people, not like you and me." Cullen stated. That stung slightly considering I wasn't human either.

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Macha said.

"Mages have the capability to light a city on fire should they wish it. If one in every ten of mages decided to use blood magic, we all would be dead right now." Cullen growled.

"Every single mage is a person whether you like it or not. They just have a sword that they can never sheathe. It's not their fault they were born that way." I said, glaring at Cullen. He glared back. He sighed.

"At any rate, Keran from here and onward until we have proven you are not possessed, you will be stripped of your commission." Cullen said.

"No, she just said that Keran was fine!" Macha said in her brother's defense.

"Please Knight Captain, I never accepted anything they offered. I need this position or my sister will go hungry, I've been training for five years."

"I made sure that he wasn't possessed. He's fine." I stressed.

"And how sure are you?" Cullen asked. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I stretched before, in a flash, grabbed my dagger and put it up to Keran's throat again.

"Ah!"

"What are you doing!?" Cullen said, drawing his sword on me. Keran looked like he was close to pissing in his armor.

"You see? If he was possessed then the demon would have reacted naturally to protect itself. You should know that by now. He's fine." I said, putting away my dagger. I turned and Cullen had his sword on me. I stepped forward, keeping my gaze on him before he gave me another glare and put it away.

"I see. Although you could have giving me a warning next time." Cullen warned.

"He would have known if I did." I shrugged. Cullen sighed.

"I will heed your request if only because you have dealt with the blood mage threat. In ten years if he hasn't shown any sign of possession, then he will be able to gain a full knighthood." Cullen nodded.

"Thank you Serah but…Keran's pay is very small without a full knighthood. I don't think that I'll be able to pay your friend the amount that I promised." Macha said.

"I'll handle that. Tell your friend that she has done the order a great service. We won't forget." Cullen said. As I grabbed the pouch, Cullen leaned in close.

"Tell her that as long as she doesn't get into too much trouble, I'll make sure the Templars will not bother her or her family." Cullen gave me a nod before going back to his duties. I sighed. I'm definitely going to have to talk with Cullen more in these years. I took the ferry back. I didn't see anyone on my way back home. I sighed and took off my things to go up to my room.

"Nia." I saw Fenris at his door.

"Hey."

"How went the job?"

"Fine. I met a blast from my past but that's about it."

"A what?"

"Someone I met a while ago, more than a year ago in fact. I never got to see him until now. It was…weird."

"How?"

"Oh you know. He has the same stance on mages like you. I don't blame him though considering he was tortured by blood mages."

"Yet another reason why the Circle is needed."

"I never said it wasn't. I just want it to be fair for both Templars and Mages. Mages are people too Fenris. We may not be perfect and we're only human, but there are good mages."

"Hmph."

"Look I'm not trying to change your opinion or anything and you are entitled to it. Go ahead, think that all mages are bad, it's fine with me. At least leave me with my own."

"I can agree to that at least."

"Good. Now that all the awkwardness has dissipated, you want anything to eat?"

"Yes...I am sorry if I was too forceful." He said hesitantly.

"Apology accepted. Now let's go eat."

9:31 Haring 4th

"So you freed the mages? I'm surprised you let that go Carver." I said, bringing in some warm biscuits and eggs for Hawke's family.

"He didn't." Hawke said, angrily stuffing her face.

"Eva…" Bethany started.

"No. You saw what those mages did." Carver said.

"It was only the leader!" Bethany said.

"He was her lover! He could have shown her what to do!" Carver shouted.

"We wanted them to be free and Varric did that for us. Why are you angry?" Bethany asked.

"Those mages are dangerous. Almost all the ones we've seen have been blood mages! Even Anders is an abomination!" Carver yelled. I sighed and rubbed my head. All this talk of mages vs Templars was starting to get to me.

"So do you suggest that we put all the dangerous mages away in the circle? Maybe you'd like it if Templars came barging in her to take Bethany and I away right?" Hawke argued.

"That is not the point." Carver replied.

"You are a hypocritical bastard." Hawke growled.

"They should really take you away sister. At least Bethany is careful about it. You stroll around with your staff in the air, the Undercity crying your name out with your powerful skills! You're lucky that we don't have Templars nearly shoving themselves in here to get to you!" Carver shouted, getting up from his chair and facing against Hawke.

"Enough!" Leandra shouted. "What is wrong with you two? Ever since we've came to Kirkwall it was always shouting and fighting amongst you both!"

"Maybe you should ask my dear brother and how he hates our magic." Hawke glared at Carver.

"No sister I don't hate your magic." Carver stated, glaring back.

"He's envious right?" I said. They all looked at me as if I appeared from nowhere.

"I'm sorry that you're here to listen to us even though you bring us food when we can't afford it." Leandra said.

"No it's fine. Carver feels like his sister's shadow is going to crush him. That's why he's lashing out but at the same time you rely on her because you don't move yourself. You stay in the same stagnant place, neither moving nor going backward while bitching all the way." I explained, getting up from my seat.

"You-" Carver started.

"Get your head out of your ass. You want to escape Hawke, then stop complaining and actually do something about it." I said, going out the door. As soon as I made my way toward Hightown, the guilt got to me. I shouldn't have lashed out like that but Carver reminded me too much of my own brother and how he was envious of me. I didn't have a large shadow though. I was envious of him as well. The eldest, the smartest, the tallest and I wasn't able to compete against that. Through the years we got over our petty envy. We had our differences and my brother was the best family member that I had.

He was there for me through thick and thin. Even when my parents weren't sure about my second child, he was the first one that told me that he would stick by me. My brother always believed in me. Anders reminded me of him.

And their home reminded me of my own family who I miss terribly.

9:31 Haring 5th

"The who got what?"

"The Viscount's son got kidnapped." Hawke said, slurping at her morning soup. She visited my place for once instead of me going down there. Leandra talked to me, apologizing for her son's behavior.

She told me not to bring any food for Carver because of his attitude. A grown ass man grounded by his mother. It made me chuckle.

"And you are…?"

"Looking to get some money of course. I'm ten sovereigns away to getting the expedition!" Hawke said excitedly.

"That's…wow, you're almost there." I said.

"How long have you been saving?" Fenris asked.

"A little over a month now. I can sense the treasure from the thaig even now!" Hawke giggled. I swear I saw dollar signs in her eyes.

"So you want us to accompany you to save him then?" I wondered.

"Not only that, this is a double mission for everyone. We need to massacre some Tal-Vashoth that have settled themselves in the Wounded Coast." Hawke explained.

"Tal-Vashoth are extremely dangerous and cruel." Fenris said.

"Exactly that is why I called everyone out. You see the Viscount's son is probably going to be at the mercy at some mercenaries. If not the Qunari. Then we need to kill some Tal-Vashoth and they are beasts in of themselves." Hawke shrugged.

"We're leaving now?" I asked.

"Yep. I came to get you two, Bethany and Carver are getting everyone else." Hawke said, wiping her mouth and putting away her empty plate.

"And Jarvis is coming as well?" I asked as Jarvis slept at my feet.

"Of course! He's the best fighter yet!" Hawke laughed. I looked at Fenris.

"Ready for some epic battles?"

"Might as well. I think your food has been getting me fatter." Fenris smirked.

"She's getting you plump so she can eat you." Hawke couldn't contain herself and laughed.

"Ugh, come on. Let's go before she starts making up things about us." I said. We went out of the house, with Hawke still laughing, grabbing her stomach. Jarvis running around us.

"It was not that funny." Fenris said.

"Oh my stomach hurts!"

"That's what you get." I chuckled. We went to the main gates and got out. Everyone was already on the path.

"About time." Carver said. I stuck my tongue out at him and Bethany chuckled.

"It's odd that all of us came together for two big jobs." Aveline said.

"What is the plan Hawke?" Varric asked.

"First Viscount's Son, save him, then court the Tal-Vashoth." Hawke got pumped up.

"Courting the qunari…" Varric chuckled.

"Would someone even try? I have to say I am a bit interested in their men. Have you seen their muscles?" Isabela asked.

"You have got to kidding me. Do you see how big they are?" Hawke said.

"Exactly." She purred.

"Rivaini, you are insane."

"How would someone court the Qunari? Do they like flowers? Chocolates?" Merrill wondered.

"Not court them romantically Merrill." Carver said.

"…Oh!"

"It's sad how long it took you to get that." Anders said.

"I think it's cute. Purity is hard to come by in this world." Bethany said.

"Especially with woman like Isabela to ruin their purity." Aveline rolled her eyes.

"Jealous Captain?" Isabela wondered.

"Of picking up random diseases from keeping my legs open? Of course not." Aveline shrugged.

"Down girls." Hawke chuckled. We walked down the path, going toward the Wounded Coast. I stayed at the end of the group watching them. Anders was smiling and laughing along with them here and there. For some odd reason, I felt left out. I could have disappeared in that moment and no one would be the wiser. I hate these thoughts but I couldn't shake them off. Should I have stayed in Amaranthine? Could I really make a difference? I don't know. What I did know was that I'm here now and that wasn't going to change.

Even so, I wish the pit of my dark emotions stopped dragging me down. I'm tired of being tired.

"You have that face again." Fenris mentioned.

"Huh?" Fenris walked next to me. "What face?"

"I have seen it before, the face of death."

"That's a lie I don't want to die." I mumbled.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Why are we even talking about this? We have a job to do. It's better to be focused on that than anything else." I said.

"Anything to keep your mind occupied I suppose." Fenris sighed. I felt my face flush in anger and I bit my lip. I didn't want to die but if I continued like this that thought wouldn't be too far from my mind.

God I hate feeling this way.

"We should be near the kidnapping point from what the Seneschal told me." Hawke said. My boots kept on slightly sinking in the sand. It was going to be hard to move in the fight. We went down the path over in a small rocky patch of land.

"The world won't miss another qunari." The Mercenary leader said. "Gather the men! We have an appointment to keep with the Viscount. Isn't that right, Seamus?"

"You…you killed Ashaad! You…you Vashedan bitch!" Seamus shouted at her

"Already picking up their words? That's why you should stay home. You're playing too nice with these beasts. You have probably gone further than that, haven't you brat?" She insinuated.

"Damn, do you even know how to do a rescue?" Hawke asked.

"I recognize you. Unfortunately for you the Winters have claimed this job."

"Serah, I will go back but I cannot stand to see these murderers go without justice!" Seamus said, pointing at her.

"You spoiled shit! I'll cut out your tongue and demand more just for bringing you quiet! If you're not going to move along then you are dead like these ones!" Ginnis shouted, taking out her daggers. There were three of them in front, four more in the back. Isabela fought against Ginnis. The other two were brought down with arrows to the face and a fire blast. I evaded the arrows from the four that were gathered behind us. I stabbed through a chin and Jarvis growled and barreled into another. Fenris' sword stabbed through another and Hawke pushed the last one out toward the water.

"Good that she was punished but there are more, a lot more." Seamus said.

"Then we ready ourselves." I said.

"Go ahead and find a nice place to hide. This is going to get ugly." Hawke smirked. I saw more men coming. Anders did a wall of ice while Bethany blasted it. The shrapnel embedded in a few. Carver and Jarvis took care of them so they wouldn't suffer. Varric got one down and Isabela cut another's throat. They kept on coming from all sides and but we held onto the choke point. Bethany, Anders, Merrill, and Hawke protected that point from more coming to get Seamus. Isabela, Fenris, Aveline, Carver, Jarvis, and I moved onto the mercenaries that were coming in. Varric took high ground, giving us cover fire.

I kicked one in the back before tackling him and stabbing clean through his armor. Fenris gave me cover from another that was coming towards my back. I saw Aveline and Isabela fighting together with Carver and Jarvis on the other side. Another guy came barreling toward me and knocked me off my feet. I grunted in pain as we rolled down the hill fighting. I hit him in the groin and heard him groan before stabbing him in the throat. The others weren't having too much trouble. Soon the sand was becoming wet with blood and littered with bodies.

"I think we got everyone." Isabela chuckled, wiping her face unsuccessfully.

"Shit we get results don't we?" Varric laughed.

"You should have seen some of the battles my group had to go through." I said, flicking off the blood from my daggers.

"Maker, I...there are so many bodies, so much blood!"

"There are more heading our way!" Bethany shouted, letting out a fire blast toward a few that were coming. I heard Jarvis barking and I headed toward him. Out of the mercenaries there was one guy that wasn't wearing shoddy armor. This guy must have been a commander. I ran toward him, Jarvis taking care of one of his lackeys. I tackled him against the rocky wall, headbutted him and slashed his throat. I felt a hot stab on my calf. I grunted in pain. An arrow. I saw a few more spells coming from Hawke's direction. There were bodies stacked on bodies everywhere.

For a second I thought about that man in the snow. The sand was making it worse. Blood everywhere, bodies, dead bodies.

Bright red blood on pure white snow.

The pain snapped me out of it. I limped toward the group. More mercenaries were coming. Two surrounded me. Then they both were frozen. I kicked and I punched, blood bits were everywhere. I crouched low as a mercenary ran by me. I followed him and punched at the armor. Two hits and it dented. He tried to stabbed me but I twirled back to his back and sunk in my dagger.

Everyone was busy not trying to die as the mercenaries kept on coming one by one. We were forced to go into our choke point as the bodies stacked higher and higher. We were losing ground in more ways than one. Bethany and Anders were both sweating from their use of magic. Varric was getting low on arrows.

After waiting for a few tense minutes, the fighting stopped. I grunted in pain and I leaned against a rocky wall.

"Nia." Anders went down to my leg. He got the arrow and took it out. I hissed in pain before feeling that cool energy of healing. I felt something inside me. Something was…grabbing? Grabbing at the magic, at the mana that Anders poured into me. I felt…revitalized more than anything. Anders looked drained when he finished healing me. He rubbed his head and our eyes met. That was a weird experience and he felt it. I'll have to make sure no one but him heals me. I can't have anyone learning what I am.

"Well…wasn't this a nice day at the beach?" Hawke chuckled weakly, leaning on her staff.

"It was amazing!" Merrill said. Seamus was over by the dead qunari that was slain. Hawke went to speak with him. My eyes kept on glancing over the bodies. More blood on my hands, more prayers for forgiveness.

I was so tired of being tired.

* * *

 **So I decided to implement a thing, on the hundredth, second hundredth, so on and so forth, one who gets that review, gets to have one spoiler! That's right, ask a question, receive an answer! Only for this story. Any question of Inquisition will have to go unanswered because there would be so much explanation along with it, I don't want to spoil too much. Be specific though, ask a yes or no, and I will answer yes and no. Just to reward my faithful reviewers!**

 **The ones who won (From Days of our Lives and onward!) are EG, FlyingRainicorn, Shattered Soul 2021, GamerGeekGirl, and Chimera Spyke!**

 **EG:** _First Zia, then Niaris, now Nullen? Who are you really rooting for? lol Read above if you want a question answered_ :3  
 **Dforce76:** _Makes you wonder how they'll react to Nia/Halo huh? Can't answer, no spoilers :3  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Muahaha! I'm rather proud of myself. Please read above if you want any questions answered :3  
_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls for your review! Please review! :D**


	15. Child of Joy

9:31 Haring 5th

"So you are going to wait for us at the gates until we get another mess cleaned up." Hawke described to Seamus as we walked out of the battlefield. After all, we couldn't get the reward money unless he came with us.

"Agreed Serah." Seamus nodded.

"Good." Hawke said and we went uphill toward where the Tal-Vashoth might be. Anders fell behind with me and patted my shoulder, leaning closer to me.

"Nia…that…what happened?" Anders whispered.

"I…I don't know…we'll talk later." I sighed.

"Ooh are you giving each other bedroom talk after the fight? That is a weird fetish you know?" Hawke teased and chuckled.

"Yes Hawke we were talking about how we are going to recover the bodies and have them watch." I said flatly.

"Oh that is so gross!" Bethany shouted. I chuckled.

"Who's watching what?" Merrill asked. Carver sighed.

"Merrill you don't want to know." Carver shook his head and face palmed.

"Well-"

"Isabela don't even explain it to her!" Bethany shouted.

"You are in danger my friend! Do not say you were unwarned!" A voice called out from the cliffs we were nearing.

"Another mysterious friend I'm guessing?" Anders wondered. We were nearing the cave when we saw a Tal-Vashoth walking to us.

"You must be careful as my brothers are in a cave much further."

"I didn't expect an ambush to be so forward." Hawke said.

"This is no ambush. I stay to warn caravans from approaching but your kind are not helpless. The path ahead contains much of my kind. If you are skilled as I saw you, then it would please me if you killed them."

"And of course we should blindly trust you?" Hawke wondered.

"I have only done one injustice and that is to the Qun. I did not agree with my role. I left the Qun but I do not want to became a murderous thief so I left these Tal-Vashoth to warn those who come near, to hope for no more victims. You are no victim so I will leave."

"There has to be a catch." Hawke crossed her arms.

"My kind are reveling in their chaos and will give you the battle you seek ahead. I am new to decisions such as these and I have decided to warn you. Do with that as you will." He left.

"See? So charming." Isabela said.

"At least we know now where the Tal-Vashoth are." Aveline said.

"Then let's go and meet them! Maybe they'll have tea." Hawke chuckled.

"I don't like tea." Merrill said. We continued to climb the cliff and the Tal-Vashoth were waiting for us. They were all on ledges and higher ground. A few had spears at their backs. One threw it at us. I grabbed Bethany's collar and tossed her away before it was able to impale her.

"Oh sweet Andraste!" Bethany yelled.

"Andraste no, killing yes!" Hawke shouted, her force spells only able to make them kneel instead of pushed into the ground. Merrill opened a rift in the ground to swallow a qunari. It wasn't deep enough but Jarvis attacked what was still up on the ground. Isabela and I tag teamed one. It's reach was wide as it used spear tactics, going around in a whirlwind to keep us back, using its long arm along with the speak to keep us back. We weren't able to get one hit in until Anders froze it and we shattered it.

Fenris, Carver, and Aveline had a better time with one. Bethany, Anders, and Hawke were able to combine their spells to kill another one.

"Maker's breath, how much do you have to stab them until they die?" Carver said.

"Qunari are excellent warriors under the Qun. Even if they leave it they take their prowess." Fenris said. We were hit by four more continued toward the cave. Jarvis leaped up and got one in the neck. Merrill commanded a small cliff to break apart and crush two. Anders froze the last one and Aveline got it with her shield.

Six more came from the cliffs surrounding us. I pushed Varric out of the way of another thrown spear. Hawke's force spells weren't doing much, Bethany and Merrill were both becoming drained from using high magic spells against them. I ran forward, getting clipped by the spear on my arm before I twirled to get behind and slashed the back of the neck. Isabela did a frontal assault and cut open a neck.

Fenris, Carver, and Aveline were keeping back the Tal-Vashoth that were aiming for the mages. Anders did his wall of ice before I saw him flash with energy. Justice came out, most likely to protect Anders. He froze all the surrounding Tal-Vashoth before Varric and the rest smashed all of them.

"Incoming!" Varric shouted, reloading Bianca as more and more Tal-Vashoth came through.

Anders did a wall of ice that impaled two more. Varric shot off faster than I could see. Hawke concentrated on one spot and let go, flinging all the Tal-Vashoth everywhere. I saw her lean on her staff. Those that fell and didn't recover so fast, Isabela and I got to them. Slashing their throat or plunging our knives in their hearts. Jarvis tackled another to the ground. Carver and Aveline stabbed through the ones without their spears. Fenris did his trick and took out a few hearts.

The way toward the cave was littered with huge bodies when we were done. At this point they were all exhausted. I was out of breath but I was used to fighting large groups.

"These…they don't know when to stop…" Bethany breathed out.

"You still…want to experiment…Isabela?" Hawke laughed out.

"When you put it that way…" Isabela started. Anders groaned as Justice settled in again. I helped him stand.

"How come you're the only one…that isn't…out of breath?" Carver asked.

"I'm used to fighting groups. Darkspawn don't rest and they don't fight like normal people. They rush you. Besides, I got training from hell from my friend Nathaniel. Every single morning…" I shook my head. He was a slave driver. I had to thank him eventually. He pushed me to my limits and my training was saving me.

"Give me a second to loot the bodies. Since they've been attacking passing caravans they should have some money to spare." Hawke chuckled darkly and rubbed her hands. I face palmed.

"This is your sister." Aveline said.

"I'm not proud of it either." Carver said.

"Well at least this gives us a chance to breath." Isabela chuckled, going through the bodies as well. I leaned against a rock. I took a glance at my leg. It seemed fine. Anders came next to me.

"You ok? I saw Justice come out."

"It…took a lot of me but I'll be able to keep fighting." Anders reassured me.

"As long as you're sure." I mumbled, looking to the ground.

"And you? You have this…look to you."

"Fenris said the same thing." I said. Anders scowled. "Don't worry about me. We have a job to do."

"Alright ladies! Time to go into someone's dark and dank cave!" Hawke shouted.

"Sister!" Carver reprimanded her. Hawke laughed along with Isabela. We went into the cave. We passed by a small cavern and followed the carved out paths. There was light filtering in from some of the spots where the ceiling caved in. We found the Tal-Vashoth on top of a ledge as we went into another cavern. Merrill's timely block of stone save us when three of them threw their spears at us. I got out of the cover, evading the spear of the Tal-Vashoth. It was hard to fight against a person that have been breed to fight over their life.

I evaded another swipe and followed the spear to his throat. I put his body in between me and another Tal-Vashoth that speared through the body to try to get to me. I was inches away from getting impaled. Then a large stone barreled through and clocked him on the skull. The other two Tal-Vashoth jumped from the ledge. Isabela threw her dagger and it got one in the eye. Aveline tackled another one and Fenris stabbed through its chest.

"There are more ahead." Aveline said. Jarvis panted heavily as we went through the carved halls and going past some more abandoned mining equipment. We followed the tracks and found more Tal-Vashoth.

Varric set out a barrage of arrows at their chest and Jarvis tackled the one on the ledge to the ground before it threw its spear. Two more were left. I distracted one with my quick feet while Fenris fazed his hand into its chest. The last one grabbed me by my neck and lifted me up. Carver was right behind and stabbed through the chest. I landed, coughing and gathered my breath. Anders came by but I shook my head.

There were two right behind us but Merrill opened a fissure and they both fell in. Bethany let out a fire blast and cooked the heads that were above ground.

I felt that rage inside of me clawing from my heart. I was angry. I wanted people to die. I had to push back that feeling. It wouldn't do me any good to get angry.

Five more came down from the abandoned equipment. I jumped and broke the face of one that came close to me. I took my breath as I evaded the spear of another Tal-Vashoth. Nathaniel always told me to keep my mind clear and the opportunities where to hit would become clear to me. I crouched down from an upper swing and used a brutal haymaker in the groin. As he fell, I slashed his throat.

Aveline was a powerhouse and was able to knock them back. Varric and Jarvis took their opening where they could see them to get one hit KOs here and there. Our mage group was having the most trouble from when they exhausted themselves from fighting off the mercenaries. Anders was the only one keeping up because Justice kept on appearing here and there to lend him a hand.

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Hawke said, trying to go through their pockets. I rubbed my sore neck. I looked at their spears. It was an interesting weapon and, probably, they were the only ones to wield these. I took a breath to calm myself. The rage was pushed back again.

The animal inside of me wanted out. All my repressed emotions were going to swallow me. Every fight made it come closer and closer. Was I tired of fighting? No, that wasn't it. I wanted to keep on fighting. It was the only thing that I was truly good at.

Curse me and all the lives I've taken.

"It seems that this ends in a cavern ahead." Isabela said as we walked up a set a stairs.

"Varric do you think you can get a few hits from the shadows?" Hawke patted his shoulder.

"Count on it Hawke." Varric tip toed, using the old mining rooms to shield him. I followed him and saw the Tal-Vashoth all in a group. He wound up Bianca, and let her arrows fly. It was almost like watching a sub machine gun of arrows flying into their group. The first four fell but more were jumping down into the fight.

Everyone came out and it was a chaos of bodies. We were all very lucky that none of us got impaled. I had to move Carver, Bethany, and Merrill from the attacks. That meant big black bruises for me later on. I kept myself low until I could stab on their backs. Thank God Qunari don't wear shirts. Once we were able to get their tactics down, we were able to cut, slash, and stab. They didn't bother protecting themselves. They didn't follow the rigidity of their old forms, trying to not depend on that. It made them sloppy.

Then a large fire blast aimed at our group. I got flown into a wall. They had a mage. Its hands were coated with lightning and it released a large lighting force against all of us. Fenris tried getting closer before it did an elbow strike at his face and threw him to our group. I gritted my teeth. Aveline tried rushing it with a shield bash but it teleported out of the way and behind the Hawke siblings. It forced pushed them out of the way. None of them landed pretty.

Anders summoned Justice and flung cold spell after cold spell. It countered it by released a fire energy from its body, singing Jarvis that tried to launch itself and igniting the feathered shoulder pads of Anders. It teleported again in front of me, its back to me. I launched myself and plunged my daggers into its back. It grunted in pain and I wrapped my arm around its neck. It backed into the wall, trying its best to get me off its back. I grunted in pain as it squished me but that made my grip tighter. It grabbed at my arms, let out a lightning spell and I yelled in pain. I felt that rush of energy trying to come up. I pushed it down and only used a part of it. I grabbed its head and twisted it. The neck broken. I got down and closed my eyes, forcing that energy away. I couldn't let anyone see.

The commander was squished by a hard force spell of Hawke and the Tal-Vashoth were all gone. The rush was gone and I sat on the ground. My whole body felt sore.

"Andraste's tits why didn't anyone tell me their mages were talented?" Hawke said, her robes in tatters.

"That is the last time I'm coming with you to kill these things." Isabela said. Fenris came up to me and offered a hand. I took it and groaned, my whole body feeling extremely sore.

"Oh God I am definitely feeling that tomorrow." I groaned.

"Here." Anders offered me a potion and I took it.

"Jackpot! They have tons of merchandise in this hidden cave!" Hawke shouted from up top.

"Carry what you can. We need to visit the Qunari compound as soon as we can for that dwarf to find us." Anders said.

"Give her a chance to celebrate and leave some for me!" Isabela said going up the stairs. I stared at everything. Not trying to think but couldn't help but feel that exhaustion trying to sink me in, drown me.

I hated it.

I felt Anders place his hand on my shoulder and I grabbed it. I felt those emotions pushed back even more. He understood. Carver and Merrill were talking animatedly. Bethany was healing Jarvis from his battle. He was panting in glee. Aveline looked annoyed at how Hawke was taking so long. Fenris was doing the same as me, brooding in another corner.

"Ok I'm done! Let's head back!" Hawke said, carrying a sack with her. She seemed so giddy. It made her blue eyes brighter. We got out of the cave and I shielded my eyes from the bright sun.

"Hopefully I can get more than a few sovereigns for this. Then? Expedition time!" Hawke did an evil laugh.

"You are crazy sister." Bethany chuckled.

"Amazing that it doesn't run in the family." Varric laughed.

"I know right? My pure sister and my asshole of a brother." Hawke mentioned.

"Ha, Ha, so funny." Carver rolled his eyes.

"She's right you know? Let it go young Hawke." Isabela teased.

"Don't call me that!" Carver shouted.

"But Carver does really good jokes when he visits me. Oh tell them about that one story with the rabbit!" Merrill mentioned. Jarvis tapped on my hand as we walked back to the city. I scratched him behind the ear.

Then I heard something off in the distance. I stopped for a second and strained my ears. It was something so familiar that it awakened a feeling I haven't felt for a very long time. I jumped from the path and ran down toward the shore, ignoring the burn of my sore body.

"Knives!"

"Where is she going?" Hawke asked.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I came closer and closer to the shore. The sound that I caught growing ever stronger. I heard the waves crash on the beach and saw a small baby wrapped in blankets, nestled in a hole that would have been in the tide's way later on at night. It was crying like bloody murder. I saw Anders behind me, following me with the rest of the group.

"Is that…" Anders wondered as I walked closer to the baby.

"Aw man. Another one that was abandoned." Varric said. I cradled the child against me.

"What is going…is that a baby?" Hawke wondered.

"Someone left it here. Probably for it to be swept away in the tide later on." Isabela said.

"How cruel!" Merrill said.

"It's loud." Fenris said. I made calming noises as I cradled the child and held it close to me. Anders came and did a once over with his magic.

"It doesn't seem to be hurt." Anders nodded. Then I got a whiff.

"It needs to be changed." I said, taking off the blankets and looking the child over. It was long, it was an elf, and it was able to support its head.

"Ugh, what are you doing!?" Isabela shouted as I went to the shore and started to wash off the soiled bottom of the baby using the seawater, who turned out to be a boy.

"Oh give that here." Merrill said, taking the cloth diaper and washing it as best as she could. The baby boy was screaming and crying due to the cold but I had to make sure to clean him as much as I could. Bethany used her fire magic to dry off the diaper and I pinned it back on him. I wrapped the non soiled blanket and got my water skin. I tapped it to its mouth, trying to control the water flow so it wouldn't accidentally choke him. He had bright green emerald eyes and dark ebony hair with a tan skin. He looked beautiful.

"You're a hungry one aren't you?" I cooed. I felt that warmth spreading from my heart down to every single part of me. The mother returned.

"…And now we have saved a child, hooray for us, but…now what?" Carver wondered.

"We don't really have enough to take care of a child." Bethany said.

"Don't look at me, these tits aren't meant for a baby." Isabela said.

"They are apparently made for something else, isn't that right whore?"

"Oh don't start you two." Anders said.

"There was a clan member that recently lost her child due to sickness back in my clan. We can go further toward the mountain and maybe she'll take him." Merrill said.

"You know you can't go back to your clan." Carver said.

"We can right sister?" Bethany said. Hawke looked torn from the sack on her shoulders and then to the child who was already closing its eyes to go to sleep.

"Fine! Here, you sell this and whatever is in it. Come on Nia, let's go deliver a baby." Hawke said. I chuckled, rocking the baby and patting it until I heard a burp.

"There you go…We will need to find a mother to take care of him. I don't know how old he is but he's too young to take solids." I said, patting him on the back while walking.

"I guess all that talk about you being a mother wasn't just that right?" Varric said. I felt my face flush and did a small smile. The familiar weight on my shoulders, the fuzziness of the baby's hair, it's small breath, everything reminded me of my children. The others continued to the city without us. Hawke, Varric, Anders, and Fenris came with me toward the path that would lead to the Dalish Clan.

"I told you." I giggled.

"Aww he looks so cute when he's not screaming his lungs out." Hawke cooed.

"Don't you think we should find his actually parents? We didn't hear crying when we first came down the path." Anders asked.

"They abandoned their child Anders. Do you really think they want him back?" I reasoned. Anders stayed quiet. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Are we even sure that the Dalish are going to take him?" Fenris wondered.

"We don't. I'm hoping though." I mumbled. I smiled to myself, watching the peaceful slumber of the baby. For once all my demons were gone. I kissed the baby on the head and watched as he slept. I sang a quiet lullaby as we walked the path.

"Whoa, almost a complete turnaround with your personality Knives." Varric said.

"Hm? Really?"

"You have this ethereal glow to you. It's weird. You're so broody like him that this is…" Hawke shook her hands up and down, centering on me, "weird." Fenris humphed. I chuckled.

"I…I have really no explanation for this really. I guess…I miss my family…my kids would be…older than this now." I sighed wistfully. Varric chuckled as he shoved Anders slightly. Anders cleared his throat, his face flushing. I sang a soft lullaby again. It didn't take long to get to the Dalish clan.

"Shem you are welcome here." The Dalish hunter said. He looked at the bundle in my arms and did a raised eyebrow. We reached Marethari at the fire in the center of the camp.

"Hawke. How is Merrill doing?" SHe asked.

"Oh she's doing fine. Actually I'm here because…well…we found an elven child at the shore. If we didn't save him he would probably had drowned without no one knowing. Unfortunately my friends nor myself, can take care of him. No one in the Alienage can probably take him either. I was wondering if you can." Hawke explained. I walked up and showed her the child with his black hair all mussed up.

"We have a hunter who lost one of her own a scant month ago. I can explain it to her if she is willing to take him." Marethari left us there. I rocked the baby slowly, humming a tune to myself.

"You're going to bore a hole in your skull Blondie the more you stare." Varric chuckled.

"What?" I heard Anders squeak out. Fenris chuckled.

"Wow, maybe I should get a baby so I can have loving gazes on my face as well." Hawke laughed.

"Huh?"

"You are not following any of this aren't you Knives?" Varric asked. I felt my face flush.

"It's just…it's…well…none of you understand…"

"You're the only mother here, of course we wouldn't." Hawke shrugged.

"Is this…" A saw an elven woman, her dark hair braided back with beads falling. Her face with the tattoos of the Dalish. When she saw the child in my arms, she sobbed.

"We found him abandoned. There's no one to take him." I said softly.

"The Creators must have heard me. May I?" She said. I gave him to her, feeling that emptiness inside myself. "Oh…so beautiful. The Creators must have sent you for this blessing. What is your name?"

"Nia."

"He shall be called Nehnlen." She said, tapping his nose with her finger.

"Um…can I visit him? Maybe?" I said too quickly. The woman smiled and nodded.

"My name is Alanni. You can come and visit him anytime you wish. You have granted me a son for the one that I lost. May the wind be at your back." She walked away from the child and I felt the pit grow inside me.

"Well…that was…" Varric started.

"We saved him and that what was important." I sighed, my eyes becoming misty. "Sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry Knives. You did a good thing."

"Come on. We still have a few loose ends back in the city!" Hawke said, leading the way. I nodded and we left. I remembered the weight of Nehnlen. I hope he would grow happy. I wiped away my stray tears. Anders looked at me with worry by I shook my head. I knew I couldn't take care of the child but...oh how my heart hurt.

I want to go home.

* * *

 **A little original content and yes it will be important :3 Have any of you played the Descent DLC?! It was crazy man!**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _Halo is adapting, sorta, kinda, it's more complicated than than but it will be answered in later chapters :3_  
 **Buggy300:** _Yes we are nearly there! :3 If you think about it, the Arishok is THE General. His role in the Qun is to be a warrior. Remember, Qunari don't really know what to do without their purpose so of course they would go crazy after a while._  
 **Orchidellia:** _Thanks for that comment! I know but Nia tends to be very observant even during battle. Thank you! I think I've improved as well, there are still a few mistakes but it's only me editing and no one else. Yes, Hawke is all for the money. lol  
_ **Taffy and Sweetrolls:** _Niaris is FenrisxNia. It's so funny seeing these shipping wars lol  
_ **Ariel:** _It happens much earlier actually_ :3  
 **EG:** _Yes there is going to be romance in the DAI story and yes there will be a moment with Zev in Act 3 :3 so basically, you're rooting for nearly everyone to end up with Nia? lol_

 **Please review! :D**


	16. The Arishok

9:31 Haring 5th

We came to the gates and saw Seamus there.

"Sorry that I kept you waiting. My friend here saved a child and we needed to give it to people who could care for it. Now let's see daddy dearest shall we?" Hawke said. "Anyone that wants to deal with the Qunari can go ahead to the docks!" Hawke said, leaving with Seamus.

"I need to get back to my patients. Nia, come by later. We need to talk." Anders said, patting my head.

"So…the docks?" I asked.

"Might as well." Fenris sighed.

"You two need to need to stop brooding or else people will start throwing themselves at you." Varric said and I smirked.

"Throwing themselves?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Elf if you brood any harder, woman would ask to have your broody babies or, in Knives case, men would want your broody babies."

"I doubt they would want broody babies Varric. Can you imagine a baby that scowls all day long? No. Babies are supposed to squeal, giggle, and cry." I chuckled. Varric laughed.

We made through the city toward the docks. I smelled the salty sea along with plenty of other smells. Basically the Drakon River in Denerim on a good day. We reached the compound and my stomach did a flip and my wrists felt weak. The Arishok. I was about to meet the Arishok.

"Are you all right Knives?" Varric asked, noticing my change in demeanor.

"We're about to meet the Arishok." I stated.

"Yes." Varric nodded.

"I need to ask him a question." Steeling my resolve.

"About?" Varric wondered.

"Someone." I said as I leaned against the wall.

"Come on Knives, don't leave me hanging."

"A friend."

"Knives." Varric stressed.

"Who is the only Qunari friend I have Varric?"

"Ah that one." I saw a few people give me sneers and a few elves eyeing me. I have to admit my armor did make me stand out. I saw the clouds rolling through and a windy chill coming from the sea.

All of this was a good distraction from what I was thinking.

"Oh you three are the only ones here?" Hawke asked, coming down where we were.

"Everyone else had their own things to do." I said.

"And I'm here to see how all this shit is going to blow up in Javaris' face." Varric chuckled.

"Oh well, time to go see the Arishok!" Hawke said with a skip in her step. We walked up to the gates with the guard in red vitaar. "I must pass. I have business with the dwarf Javaris and the Arishok."

"The short mouth. Enter if you must basra." We entered the compound. The Qunari were all looking down at us as we crossed and went up the stairs. Javaris was waiting for us. The compound was bigger than-. Past the Arishok's chair were rows of tents, what seemed to be a sparing ring, and walls that designated some more things that I wasn't able to see from my vantage point.

"Ah my partner has arrived. Summon your Arishok, our bargain is done." Javaris said proudly. A guard left to get him. "About time. I've been here for hours." Javaris mumbled.

"I got caught up with saving the Viscount's son and Tal-Vashoth aren't easy to kill." Hawke crossed her arms and huffed. That was when I saw the Arishok walk up to his seat. He was big, his horns were long and taken care of. His piercing golden eyes were looking down on our group. He was intimidating. He sat down and looked down at us with a glare.

"Arishokost. Maraas shokra. Anaan esaam Qun." Fenris said. Hawke raised an eyebrow.

"The Qun from an elf? The continued madness of this place." The Arishok shook his head.

"What was that?" Hawke whispered.

"He said 'Peace Arishok. There's nothing to struggle against. Victory is in the Qun.'" I answered. The Arishok noticed my presence and I made sure that I stood tall and straight.

"Another one as well…from a woman." He grumbled. I nodded at the Arishok. Fenris gave me a look but I let it roll off my shoulders.

"Did that help?" Hawke asked.

"We shall see." Fenris said.

"Ok enough time for introductions. I'm here to give you my report that the hated Tal-Vashoth are all dead. Right? Yes, they were. So how about those negotiations for the explosive powder?" Javaris said happily, rubbing his hands in greed.

"…No."

"He's not agreeing to it. Make that chatty elf say something." Javaris mumbled. Fenris glared at him.

"I could care less about the thing you want. You hired me to hunt the Tal-Vashoth, I did it, I want my payment." Hawke said angrily.

"Uh this…undertaking was…ah undertook by another at my behest." Javaris tried explaining.

"You came for the gaatlok and were denied. Then you invented a task and paid to have it done. You failed the goal you set out for yourself. You proved your wealth not your worth. The Qunari owe you nothing."

"I was the only one getting almost killed. That still stands." Hawke said, raising her hand.

"Is that right dwarf?" The Arishok glared.

"Look like you said, there was no bargain. I'm not paying a sodding copper out of all of this." Javaris grumbled. The Qunari started to come closer to our group and the Arishok stood.

"This human did a task that you could not, something I did not expect from any outsider. And you have involved me. If you made a deal from the lives of the Tal-Vashoth, then that debt will be honored."

"Sod it all. Fine, here's the coin!" Javaris said, tossing the coin purse at Hawke and went away mumbling obscenities and the like.

"You will leave as well human. There is no more coin for you here." The Arishok said, sitting back down.

"Ataas shokra Arishok. May I ask a question?" I asked. The Arishok looked at me.

"Speak."

"You once sent a beresaad to Ferelden and the only one that lived was a Sten. He left to go back to Par Vollen to deliver his report on the Blight…did you receive it?"

"…You are one of the basalit-an that the Sten wrote about. The one in shining armor who fought against the Archdemon."

"Yes."

"…The Sten delivered his report." The Arishok nodded. I gave out a sigh of relief. "And what of your purpose?"

"Excuse me?"

"You had pledged an oath to protect a man. This is what honored you as a basalit-an. Why are you here?"

"My purpose is to protect Arishok. I am a Guardian. What I protect is my own and I will give my life to do so." We had a stare off. For some odd reason I saw a glimmer of approval in his eyes.

"Leave." The Arishok wave his hand. I bowed as our group made our way out and the gates closed behind us.

"I have so many questions now. What was that? And what is a…bas ah something?" Hawke asked.

"Basalit-an. The highest respect a Qunari can give to an outsider." Fenris said eyeing me. "I must admit that was…a surprise."

"I didn't think that Sten wrote highly of me. That was a surprise for me too." I chuckled.

"Well I got 3 sovs out of that! Time to hunt down my brother and my sister." Hawke said, jogging out of the docks.

"So, care to enlighten me about your relationship with the Qunari?" Varric asked.

"Another day Varric. I'd rather go home and take a bath." I sighed.

"Come by the Hanged Man. I'll buy you a good drink this time." Varric chuckled. Fenris and I went on to Hightown. The walk there was quiet but I caught Fenris' glaces in my peripheral vision.

"Will you tell me?" Fenris asked as we entered the mansion.

"Tell you what?"

"How you became a basalit-an?"

"Sure." We went home to our respective rooms. I drew up a bath. My thoughts were calmed by knowing that Sten was safe. It made me feel happier especially from what happened at the coast. I couldn't help but feel sad that I couldn't keep the child. There wasn't anything I could do though. I couldn't take care of a baby that young. I settled into my usual clothes, going over to the kitchen to whip up something quick. I felt Fenris' presence as he leaned against the doorway, watching me work.

"A Sten?"

"He was my friend. He liked cookies and he loved sweet things. He couldn't understand why I chose to fight though."

"Women in Qunari lands do not fight."

"I know. I told him that I had a goal though. To protect Eren and that I agreed with him that I shouldn't be fighting. I should be at home with my husband taking care of my kids. I shouldn't be here but things didn't work out that way. I pledged an oath to protect someone. I…almost died doing it. He saw that I was serious and respected me for it. He called me Kadan by the time he left." I smiled softly, a small blush on my cheeks.

"You must have been very important to him."

"Well I did give him my recipe book so he could share that with the rest of his people." I let the rice simmer to make a pilaf and boiled the chicken with a variety of herbs.

"You are…interesting." Fenris said. I chuckled.

"Did that surprise you that much?"

"I have never known someone else that knows the Qunari culture so well."

"I asked Sten to teach me a little bit about his culture. He said that I wouldn't be able to truly understand it unless I went to the city. He offered to take me but I told him that my oath still stood with my brother. He left and I haven't heard of him since. To know that he's fine makes me happy." I checked the chicken. It still needed more time. I sat down, grabbing a book that I found among the wreckage of the things we had.

It was a tragedy about two noble houses in Orlais and a pair of lovers hoping to elope from all of it. Then they were being hunted down by the Chevaliers.

It wasn't that bad but it was cheesy.

"Is it interesting?" Fenris asked, standing near me.

"The book? Yeah. Half of the characters already died but it's something to use to pass the time. If you want I can lend it to you. There are a few intact books here and there." I offered. Fenris looked taken aback before biting his lip. He turned away from me, his hair shielding his eyes.

"…No."

"Why not?" I asked. I already-. Fenris shuffled uncomfortably on his feet. "You don't know how to read do you?"

"They do not teach slaves to read or write in Tevinter." He said softly.

"That's going to have to change!" I said, closing the book. "You live with me, you'll get to read and write and do all sorts of things."

"You do not need to waste your time on-" Fenris started.

"You shush." I said, holding a hand up to stop him from talking. "This is not wasting time. This is making sure that a person can learn to read and find enjoyment in reading! The pages, the smell, the story! When we find time Fenris, and when I can find some more paper, we are definitely going to work together on this. Just call me teacher!" I said confidently. Fenris laughed.

"You are a strange one."

"Thanks."

9:31 Haring 7th

"I am not singing the song."

"Fenris it'll make things easier!"

"No."

"Come on it's just the alphabet song! You sing the letter, I point to it, and-"

"I said no." Fenris said, crossing his arms.

"Fenris, I'll make mince pie." I said in a sing song voice.

"…No."

"Ugh! Come on Fenris, you want to learn don't you?"

"I am not sacrificing my dignity for this."

"Fine then. I'm going out."

"…What about lunch?"

"Make it yourself!"

I went out, slamming the door. I was trying to teach Fenris how to read. That meant teaching him the alphabet until we get to words on signs or cards. The letters were simple enough even if they're different from what I used to write with. Dragon age letters are so weird sometimes.

I decided to go down to Anders' clinic. I completely forgot about going there after the Qunari compound to talk about what happened when we were fighting the Tal-Vashoth. I remember Morrigan and Wynne telling me that I naturally take mana from them when they heal me. Not a lot but enough for them to notice. It doesn't take much to heal me because of the spirit inside me but when Anders did it, it was different. I had to get to the bottom of this.

I will never get used to the smell of Darktown. I glared at anyone that dared to get near me. Curse my armor for being so shiny. I found the lanterns and saw a few people coming out. Anders was giving away a few potions to a couple before noticing me.

"Nia."

"Hey Anders." I waved. He nodded and we went to a separate room.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Still alive right?" I giggled. Anders gave me a sympathetic look.

"You wanted that child more than anything."

"It was just a wish, nothing else. Besides how can I take care of a kid? There's too much to do." I tried reasoning with him, looking at the ground.

"No there isn't. You live in Hightown, you don't have a job to take care of." Anders said.

"I wouldn't be able to feed him what he needs though." I said, waving over my chest. "I'm not lactating as you can see."

"Ah there is that." Anders said, rubbing his scruff.

"It's fine Anders. Besides Alanni said I can visit him. That's good enough." I sighed. Anders nodded.

"Now…about what happened at the coast?"

"You felt it too right? That…pull when you healed me?" I asked. Anders nodded.

"Usually it's only a short and strong pull. It's the reason why healing you doesn't take too much magic. It uses my pull from the fade to drag more out of it like an amplifier. That time it pulled from me instead of the fade. Is there anyone that has felt the same way?" Anders asked. I shook my head.

"Hawke healed me just once but it was only once. I didn't feel that pull then." I said. Anders rubbed at his stubble.

"I've healed you before back in Amaranthine and this isn't the first time either. There was that incident with the arrow on your shoulder. So what is different?" Anders wondered. I had an idea. I took off my glove and had my hand out.

"Give me your hand." I held his in mine. "Summon a spell."

"What?"

"Anders." I stressed. He sighed and conjured up a flame over his hand. I felt a pulling sensation again but Anders' body became blue with light and I felt my own surge of energy come forth. I grabbed my hand from his and pushed down that energy. Anders gasped, grabbing at the walls for support.

"You…you…almost summoned Justice…but…but how?"

"I…I have no idea actually." I said, grabbing on my chest and pushing down on my energy. "My spirit was almost summoned as well…it felt…ok let's sit down." I put on my glove and took a few stools for us to sit down on. "My feeling? I was pulling something from you, something was pushing out of me, and I have a faint recollection of…taking something from you? Swallowing you? Something like that, I don't know but that's what I felt."

"Well…Justice was more concerned on the fact that you were trying to pull him in when he didn't want to. You were trying to pull Justice into yourself."

"…That's…odd…but that couldn't be me. You know me. I'm a…somewhat normal human. I'm not a mage. I can't control spirits."

"Maybe it wasn't you. Maybe it was the spirit inside of you that wanted Justice." Anders said. It made sense and not at the same time.

"But why?" I rubbed my chin.

"I don't know. We'll need to be careful with me healing you from now on." Anders said. I sighed and nodded.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No. I'm able to do all I can here. You should go home, get some rest." Anders said. I scowled. "Did Fenris say something to you again?"

"No. I'm trying to teach him how to read."

"Oh right he was a slave. Of course he wouldn't know anything about that." Anders rolled his eyes. I pinched his cheek.

"Don't be mean."

"But he-"

"Fenris is my friend." I said. Anders huffed.

"Friend or not he should treat you like royalty. You are royalty anyway." Anders laughed. I chuckled.

"Well if you don't need me here…I guess I'll go home."

"Please stay safe."

"I know." I said, ruffling his hair. I went out of Darktown and into the city proper. I climbed up the stairs toward the house and I saw Hawke, Bethany, and Carver around it.

"Hey! You didn't come by for breakfast!" Hawke said.

"I was working on something. Why are you guys here?" I asked.

"We got through another job, trying to find a man's wife. He was very rude. He even told us to sell his wife's ring just in case his family thought he killed her!" Bethany said.

"Basically, we need comfort food." Hawke sighed. I looked at all of them and Bethany was giving me her puppy dog look.

"Fine." I mumbled.

"Yay!" Hawke giggled. They clamored inside. Fenris was practicing with his sword in the main hall, the benches all against the wall.

"Hawke."

"Fenris." Hawke said. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Oh another marital spat."

"You can say that." I shrugged.

"Why are you playing along with her?" Fenris asked.

"If you can't beat them, join them."

9:31 Haring 10th

The entire group was in the Hanged Man for once. We were all in Varric's room playing Wicked Grace. Isabella had a smirk on her face as well as Hawke. I kept my face neutral alongside Fenris and Anders. Merrill was giddy in her seat. Bethany was scowling and Carver had an exasperated face on. Aveline was rubbing her face as she took another card from the deck.

"Ugh, the Angel."

"Alright, Aveline got the Angel everyone. Set out your cards." Varric said. We all did. Isabela and I were at a draw. Everyone groaned besides Merrill.

"It seems that we have won again kitten. We should settle this between ourselves." She purred, leaning toward me. I leaned away, my shoulder touching Anders'.

"Up yours Isabela. I'm not settling anything with you."

"As much as I would love to sit here and play, and lose again, there is another job tonight." Hawke said, grabbing her staff.

"Need help?" I asked.

"Of course Nia!" Hawke said patting my head. I got up and put away my cards in the deck.

"I'll come as well." Anders said. Fenris gave back his cards as well as Aveline.

"I can't let you go off at night like this." Aveline said.

"As long as I have you Aveline, I know I'll be safe." Hawke said proudly. Aveline smiled and shook her head. "Now, Nia make your two boyfriends behave."

"You heard her." I said.

"Wait, are you serious?" Aveline asked.

"No."

"We are not together." Fenris stated.

"But you would make beautiful broody children together!" Hawke gushed out.

"NO!" Fenris and I both shouted.

"So where is this next job?" Aveline asked.

"It should be…" Hawke started before I saw Sister- talking to a thug and she was brought into an alley.

"Hm, another idiotic person to be caught and killed in the night." Fenris said.

"We might as well change that." Hawke sighed. We rounded the corner to the alley way and the mercenaries attacked us. There were four of them. Anders quickly froze them and Hawke did a force spell to crush them all.

"Aren't you a little out of your element sister?" Hawke asked.

"I was hoping to gain some help on a job of mine. I needed someone of skill and integrity." She said.

"You won't find that in this city." Anders mumbled. I shoved him.

"Someone that is willing to jump to a person's defense and maybe someone like you. I am Sister Petrice and I have a charge that needs to be taking out of the city. If you are willing and capable, meet me in my safe house nearby." Petrice said, giving Hawke a slip of paper with a mark on it.

"Wait, I saved you from some thugs and now we are in a job together?" Hawke wondered.

"I'm a sister in Lowtown. Truly what grand scheme will I be planning? Varnell." A Templar came from behind us. Anders and Hawke both stiffened. "Please come soon. This will only grow more urgent in time." Petrice set out with her Templar and Hawke sighed.

"Let's go see what this sister wants first."

"I can already see the future of all of this. We're going to get killed in the worst way possible." I said flatly.

"Eaten by giant spiders?" Hawke said.

"Crushed by armor equipment?" Aveline said.

"Tranquility?" Anders said.

"Ok maybe not all of those." I chuckled. "And Aveline, what kind of nightmare is that?"

"Wouldn't that be frightening?" Aveline asked.

"It would be stifling more so." Hawke chuckled. We went into the safe house and Varnell put his hand on his sword before Sister Petrice stopped him.

"We only just met. I don't think you need to kill me." Hawke said.

"Thank you for coming. This is a delicate matter and I needed someone who is…of limited notoriety who will not link this to me. We will be escorting a party but who the party is makes this…unique." Petrice said.

"Enough with the secrets and tell me." Hawke said.

"Of course. This is my charge." Petrice said, opening the door to the next room. A Qunari mage came out, being bound by chains and his mouth sewn shut, his face hidden behind a mask.

"Who would do such a thing?" Anders gasped.

"Better like this than a mage running free." Fenris said. Anders and Fenris glared at each other before I snapped my fingers in their faces.

"I call him Ketojan. A bridge between our worlds. The Viscount would most probably give him freely to his people but look at what they did to him. I would like him free but I cannot do it myself for it would link it to me." Petrice explained. I crossed my arms. There was a glint of something dark in her eyes. I knew-. It would make sense to-. I couldn't though, pity.

"We can't let him back to the Qunari Hawke." Anders said.

"Fine, fine. I'll escort him out but he is too inconspicuous for the streets." Hawke said, standing on her tippy-toes and measuring herself against Ketojan.

"Then you can use the routes of the Undercity to take him out of the city. With this I would be grateful. I have such a door here." Petrice said, moving into the other room and opening a trap door on the floor.

"I hope you know what you're doing Hawke." Fenris glared.

"Relax Fenris, this will be as easy as pie." Hawke shrugged.

"Pie isn't that easy. I should know." Aveline said.

"I'm going to have to teach you then." I said. We went through the trap door, Ketojan following us. We followed a series of twists and turns and stairs.

"Are you sure you're not lost Hawke?" Aveline asked.

"Positive. I still remember these passage ways from when I was working with Athenril. Don't worry, we won't get lost...maybe." Hawke said.

"There goes my night then." I mumbled.

"I'm sure you and Fenris can have some lovey dovey time during the day." Hawke chuckled.

"Hawke." Fenris stressed.

"What? She's not giving it out?" Hawke asked.

"Hey!" I said my face flushed.

"You're growing red!" Hawke laughed.

"Shush!"

"So you are together!" Aveline said, playing along.

"No we're not!" Fenris and I said at the same time.

"You see Anders? She's still single." Hawke said, elbowing him suggestively and winking at me.

"Urgh, why do I even bother?" I sighed. Aveline chuckled at us. We followed Hawke until we passed a corridor that was collapsed. I yawned, wanting to go home and sleep. Then I heard the chittering of giant spiders as we came into a large spacious room. There were only three. Fenris squished the abdomen of a poisonous one with Aveline stabbing one. Anders froze the last one and I smashed it. Hawke stood stock still before noticing my questioning glance and clearing her throat.

"Spiders…" Hawke mumbled.

"You scared of them?" I asked.

"I'm not fond of them." Hawke mumbled. I felt a smirk on my face. "Don't you dare Nia or else I will set you on fire."

"I'm not thinking anything." I said innocently.

"Yes you are you have that smirk on your face!"

"I'm not smirking!" I laughed. We encountered three more spiders. Hawke pushed them against the wall with Aveline and Fenris squishing them.

"This is going to take a few minutes of scrubbing back in the barracks." Aveline sighed at her armor with spider guts. As we passed the corridor we went forward with more giant spiders. Hawke let out a growl and squished three with a force spell. Anders did a wall of ice and impaled one. Fenris and I squished a poisonous one and Aveline took care of the last one. Hawke looked at Ketojan that followed us.

"Can't you at least summon some fire or something?" Hawke asked. He remained silent. Hawke huffed. Two more spiders. I did an axe kick on an abdomen and Anders froze the other with Fenris shattering it. We continued along the spacious room and found some thugs at the end.

"Well if isn't the one that the Undercity's fears. And what's this? A qunari tied up like a dog lord's bitch? You one of their lovers? I wonder if I can get rid of you and sell this thing to the highest bidder." He said. Ketojan growled.

"Uh I don't think that it likes it when you threaten its master. Maybe we should let her pass."

"A smart one in a group of thugs? Why are you with him again?" Hawke said, pointing at the leader of the thugs. The leader glared at her.

"You dog lords think you can tie us up like this one here? You all have forced us Free Marches to work in our own sewers. We will not be bound. I'll see you dead first." He said. Ketojan used a small concentrated force spell and pushed the leader out of its way. The force sent him flying toward the wall where he was snapped in half.

"Kill them all!" There were six thugs in total. I did a leg sweep and force two to the ground. Aveline and Fenris made short work of those. My blades met with another thug's. He tried to kick my feet from under me but my foot caught his and I tripped him before slashing his throat open. Hawke pushed the other three away from the group before Anders froze them. I shattered a few with Fenris doing in the last.

Ketojan was standing in the middle of his own conjured flames, growling. Four more thugs came behind us. Ketojan released a wide fireball and got all of them burning.

"Ok Qunari, Ketojan, you, calm down. The fighting is over." Hawke said. Ketojan growled, his flames snuffing out. "Of course I'm getting you out of here…but first."

"Yes go ahead and loot. No one will miss these ones." Aveline said. Hawke hummed happily while gathering what she could. I saw Ketojan look at me.

"She's special." I reasoned.

"Ok that's done! This lift should put us in a cave that's outside of the city's limits." Hawke said. We got on and operated it manually. We came out to a cave opening and got out. The moonlit night was strong but there was a fire burning outside.

Unfortunately there was a group of Qunari waiting for us. They all noticed us and came to us.

"Shit." Anders mumbled.

"You can say that again." Aveline said.

"Hold basra. I am Arvaarad and I claim possession of Saarebas at your heel. The members of his karataam were killed by Tal-Vashoth. Their disposal leads here to Saarebas and you."

"The Sister set us up." Fenris said.

"Of course. Why do you think she was skulking around Lowtown in the dead of night?" I said.

"Your species always holds such ignorance. The deceased kaartaam only leads here. I do not know how you came to hold his leash but you hold no claim in the Qun. He will be returned to face his crime and be cleansed."

"I think he has a mind to speak for him to say that he doesn't want to go back." Hawke said, crossing her arms.

"Saarebas, show that you are still dedicated to the Qun." Ketojan knelt before him and growled. "He has allowed himself to be led just for this purpose."

"Hm sorry but I can't let him go. He has a right to choose." Hawke said.

"That is not what you should have said." Fenris rubbed his face.

"Then there is no more time for reason. You will all be brought to the Qun." He used a small wand like item and paralyzed the Saarebas. There were eight of them and very few of us. Anders wasted no time in doing a large Winter's Grasp and froze them. Hawke pushed down on her force spell but only got about four. The rest broke out of their spell. I rushed forward the same as Aveline and Fenris and dug my daggers in to the chest of a qunari before leaping out of the way of a spear. There was only one left and Fenris took care of him.

A few more qunari dropped down over to us. Hawke pushed them out of the way and they fell. I got two that did and Aveline got another one. I pushed Anders away from a spear when two more qunari came out of the cave behind us. Fenris and I rushed out to them, evading their throwing spears. I evaded a stab and plunged my dagger into the throat of a qunari. Fenris stabbed his sword clean through the other.

Hawke grabbed at the instrument that held Ketojan down and freed him.

"Can you stand?" Hawke asked.

"…I am…unbound…wrong…You are now Baasverad and worthy of following. I thank your intent even if it was…wrong." Hawke followed Ketojan. I sighed and looked away. I heard the flames come to life as they smoldered around him.

"Why would he do that to himself?" Anders said.

"That is the way of the Qun. He had a crime that he had to pay for and wanted to follow it." Fenris said.

"But didn't he want to live?" Anders asked.

"There is nothing we could have done Anders." Aveline said.

"There is one thing we can do. We can go and see our favorite Sister Petrice and see why she led a trail to the Qunari who wanted to kill us." Hawke said. "Come. I know a short cut."

"Oh now you know a short cut?" Aveline wondered.

"Give me a break I don't go through these passages as I used to!"

* * *

 **Has anyone else noticed that the timeline in Inquisition is wonky or is that just me? I'm only asking because I want the DAI story to make sense and belivable. All I know is that DAI takes place from 9:41-9:42 Dragon. Anyone that knows more, please let me know!**

 **Shout out to LibraryofAlexandria11 for following/favoriting!**

 **EG:** _No I haven't watch those movies yet :/_  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _It wasn't uncommon back in the day to leave your kids out in the wilderness if you couldn't afford to keep them. That's why there's the story of Hansel and Gretel._

 **Thank you to Taffy and Sweetrolls, Ariel, ThelonewolfNT, Buggy300, and Dforce76 for reviewing! Please Review!**


	17. The Reveal

9:31 Haring 10th

We went through a set of confusing hallways and corridors before finding a way back to Lowtown with little effort. We opened the door to the safe house were Sister Petrice was gathering the last of her things to get out. She noticed the door opening and put on an innocent face when we entered. Hawke wasn't buying it and her posture screamed angry.

"Oh my associate… you have returned. Please tell me that you were met without incident?"

"Without incident she says." I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and lightly shoving Hawke. She glared at Patrice.

"I think she is trying to play us for fools." Fenris said.

"That is a mistake." Anders said.

"Hold your tongue apostate!" Varnell shouted, his hand going to his blade. Sister Petrice stopped Varnell.

"Please, speak your mind." Petrice said.

"Let's not bullshit around here. I know that you know that I know." Hawke said. I rolled my eyes. Only she would say that in a very threatening way.

"Indeed. You must realize that I meant no harm but if it did come to pass it would have been useful. A group of noble citizens trying to help a slave only to be massacred by the Qunari. It would have given what the Chantry needed to see what the monsters were truly are. It was a rush to find the mage. If you ever found out about such a plot I could see why you would be…hesitant to do such a thing." Petrice explained. I scowled and wanted to punch that so called virtuous smirk off her face.

"You know, just pay me. I'm only here for the money. You want a war between the Chantry and the Qunari? That's your job not mine." Hawke said, holding out her hand. I looked at her incredulously. She ignored me.

"Fine. Take your coin. I'll make sure that I won't get any help from outside the faithful again." Sister Petrice spat, going out with Varnell.

"She's going to be trouble in the future you know." I glared.

"Whatever I got paid, and I'm 2 sovereigns away from the expedition!" Hawke said with glee. I shook my head. Unfortunately since they know that I was seen with her-. Oh well.

"You care too much about money and not enough about people." Aveline warned.

"The only people I should care about is my family and my friends. Don't worry Aveline. I won't get into too much trouble once I'm rich. I'll just lounge about talking about the good old days." Hawke said, patting Aveline on the shoulder. I yawned again.

"If you don't mind me, I'm going on home and sleeping for the rest of the day." I said, getting out of the tiny apartment.

"Sounds like a plan." Fenris said.

"Oh don't be shy you two! Let out your love for everyone to see!" Hawke shouted behind me.

"Go to hell Hawke."

9:31 Haring 12th

Fenris and I were practicing in the main hall. I got rid of my armor and only had on my boots. I panted heavily, my shirt already torn in a few places from when he reached me. I had crouched low, stepping in a circle as he did me. I was trying to look for an opportunity.

"Are you going to stare at me or are you going to-" He started before I zipped to one side, side rolling and trying to do a leg sweep. He did the smart thing and jumped back, slashing vertically at me. I side stepped and avoided it, aiming a punch at his face. He dodged it and almost elbowed me in the face. I leaped back and circled him again.

He rushed at me but I twirled and jumped on his back. I wrapped my arm around his neck, ready to gain my advantage over him.

"NIA!" Hawked screamed. Fenris and I got startled which made him fall on top me. He was frigging heavy and his armor is way too spiky. He groaned and rolled off. My back hurt and I got a few more tears in my shirt from his armor alone. I coughed and Hawke laughed at us.

"Do not do that!" Fenris said.

"Sorry but I got the money! I have it all!" Hawke said, helping me up and then grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.

"You have the money for the expedition?" I asked, calming her down.

"Yes! Isn't this fantastic! Get your things ready we are leaving tomorrow! Woo!" Hawke shouted before going out and slamming the door. Fenris and I looked at each other.

"Did that just happen?" I asked, pointing at the door.

"Yes." Fenris nodded. I sighed and wiped off the sweat from my brow.

"I guess this is it then. I'll have to buy another shirt though…money is already getting tight." I groaned, feeling a small headache come on.

"You haven't received a notice from your friend in Amaranthine?" Fenris asked. I shook my head.

"I think I might plan a visit there if I need to. All my money is there and is probably being transferred there. Not only that, all my letters should be there too. Well, might as well get my pack ready." I said, going over to my room. I took off my shirt and put on another one for the time being. I took out my pack that I had from the beginning and started to fill it up with the essentials. I saw Fenris in my peripheral vision watching me.

"How long do you think you will be gone?"

"I'm not sure. A few weeks? Maybe a month?"

"How will I live without your cooking?" Fenris said sarcastically. I chuckled.

"You'll make due I'm sure." I said.

"You are quick about it."

"I was traveling for almost a year remember? I had to make sure to do this as quickly as possible so we'd travel as soon as possible. There. Most likely Varric's brother would be supplying us with the food. At least I won't have to worry about that." I said. Fenris looked at the floor. "What is it?"

"...Do not die."

"I won't."

"Do not throw yourself into danger as well."

"That I can't promise."

"Why?"

"Because I protect people. That's what I do." I shrugged. Fenris huffed. I smiled and poked his cheek. He swatted my hand away. "I'll come back. You've only begun to remember how to write your ABCs which is amazing how much you've progressed in a short time. I'm glad."

"Meh."

"Stop brooding for a moment and take your victory Fenris. Now if you'll excuse me I have to take a bath and get a few clothes for the trip."

9:31 Haring 13th

My breath came out in wisps. Snow came down the night before leaving everything in a light frost. I had my pack slung over my shoulder waiting for Hawke at the Merchant's Guild part of the city. Fenris was with me, leaning against the wall next to me. Bodahn was handling a few of his wares.

"I'm going to miss the sky." I sighed.

"It is going to be there when you come back."

"I know…The sky will always remain blue."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Hm? Nothing just a comfort I guess. The sky won't change. The clouds will roll, rain and snow will fall, but the sky will always be blue." I said, looking at it. Fenris didn't say anything to that.

"Ah you're here Nia, perfect!" Hawke said with her brother, sister, and Anders behind her.

"Told you I'd be here." I said.

"And you brought your lover. Please keep your displays to a minimum. This is a courtyard not a bedroom." Hawke said. I rolled my eyes.

"So you've wrapped up all your business human?"

"We're ready Bartrand." Hawke nodded. I saw the helpers along with Bodahn and the rest come together.

"I've sent out some scouts and we have chosen a hidden entrance from the city. The entrance is nice and virginal, ready for a good deflowering." I snorted at that. "It'll take a week to get to the depth we need. I will warn you now, there will be left over darkspawn from the blight. We're here to go big, or go home."

"Risks? Rewards? It's time for adventure and treasure." Hawke giggled.

"Hah! Exactly now we…hey who invited the old lady?" Bartrand asked. I saw Leandra come up to our company.

"I am sorry Ser Dwarf but I need to speak to my children." The Hawke siblings went with her.

"Are you coming along as well?" Anders asked Fenris.

"No. I am here to see her off."

"Isn't that nice of you?" Anders mumbled.

"Anders play nice." I said.

"No I won't allow all of you to go. One of you needs to stay! Maker forbid if something happens to any one of you…"

"Mother…" Bethany said, trying to calm her mother's sobs. Hawke sighed. Bethany looked to her brother. Hawke as well. Carver growled.

"Fine, fine! I'll stay with mother. You two can go ahead and get the blight sickness for all I care." Carver said, huffing his way out.

"Mother we'll be fine. We'll come back, don't you worry." Bethany reassured her. If only it was so.

"Eva, please take care of your sister." Leandra pleaded.

"I will mother." Hawke nodded.

"Are we done here or are we going to get underway?" Bartrand said.

"We're going." Hawke said. Leandra gave them both one last hug before coming to me.

"Nia, please take care of my daughters. Bring them both back to me." Leandra said. I bit my cheek and nodded. She hugged me as well before heading off. Fenris gave me a nod before heading off. I sighed. This was it. No going back. Time to nut up or shut up.

"I thought I'd never go to the Deep Roads again." Anders mumbled.

"Then why are you going?" I asked.

"I won't let you go in there alone." Anders said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I nodded and followed the group out.

-/-

"I'm telling you the truth Seeker. The Champion didn't go to Kirkwall to sow the seeds of discord. All she was, was a woman that wanted to provide for her family, had a penchant for making bad jokes, and a habit of looting bodies. Nothing more, nothing less." Varric said, flipping through the pages of his friend's journals but not reading anything.

Cassandra bit her lip as she read the entries of Nia's journal about how Hawke made her money to go to the Deep Roads. She didn't want to accept the truth of Varric's story but the evidence was plain to see.

"So all of her associates, a blood mage, a rebel warden, a known raider, her dealings with the Qunari, everything…was just used to get coin?"

"Sometimes you have to accept the truth and the truth can be simple." Varric shrugged.

"Simple? Do you think what your friends did was simple?! That the start of this war was simple!? Do you know how many people we've lost, how many more are going to be lost if we cannot stop this?!" Cassandra shouted. "The Champion cannot be completely innocent!"

"Innocent isn't exactly the word I would be using to describe the Champion." Varric said, holding up his hands in a fruitless effort to calm her down.

"No, she must have known what was down there. That has to be the reason why she joined your expedition." Cassandra said, throwing down a journal. Varric winced, not liking how she was abusing one of his most trusted friend's journal. He sighed and rubbed the stubble on his face.

"No…none of us knew what would happen down there. If we knew…Hawke wouldn't have led her sister down there. Look Seeker you're getting my version and another version of what happened. Then there's my tale of the Champion. What more do you want?" Varric asked.

"I want the truth dwarf!" Cassandra shouted, banging the table in front of him. "Tell me what happened in the Deep Roads." Cassandra said, grabbing the same journal he grabbed. Varric sighed. He knew that if Knives knew about this, she would kill him.

Or maybe not considering what happened to her in the end.

"Fine. We didn't get too far into the Deep Roads…there was a blockage and we had to set up camp."

-/-

9:31 Haring ?

"How long do you think we've been down here? According to my internal clock, and the way we've been sleeping, maybe three days?" I said. The warmth of the Deep Roads was a welcome especially with the cold winter from outside.

"I don't know. All I care about is when can we get out of this blighted hole." Anders mumbled. The group stopped when a scout came back talking about the way being collapsed. We had to make camp in a crumbly spot. Bartrand was grumbling about the path being blocked.

"Brother you're thinking about this all wrong. Instead of clearing the path, shouldn't we go around it?" Varric suggested.

"Don't play me around like a fool Varric. The side passages are too dangerous! I'm not risking anymore workers."

"Then send us in. It's the main reason you should have taken my offer in the first place." Hawke said.

"If we come back running and screaming our heads off, then you will be right to stay." Varric reasoned.

"Fine, fine! Go ahead and find another way!" Bartrand said. Anders sighed deeply. I grabbed his hand and he shook his head.

"Blighted Deep Roads." He mumbled.

"Err I would hate to add to your problems my friends but I'm afraid that I must." Bodahn said, coming up to our group.

"What is it Bodahn?" I asked.

"It's my boy Sandal! He's wandered off into those same side passages you were talking about! Please, I beg you, you must find him! He…doesn't understand danger like the rest of us." Bodahn cried out.

"We'll find him Sandal, don't you worry." I said, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Please, it would do me a world of good if you found him. I can't believe he's done this…" Bodahn said worriedly.

"Let's move quickly then Hawke." Varric said.

"Poor Sandal…let's find him, please." Bethany said. We went out of the dark cave and into the glow of the carved tunnels. I was in awe of the geometry and symmetry of it all. That feeling never went away.

"Amazing these tunnels don't collapse often." Bethany said breathlessly.

"Dwarves made them Sunshine, they're built to last." Varric chuckled.

"Then why aren't they smaller?" Hawke chuckled.

"Ha, ha, Hawke." Varric rolled his eyes. We continued on and I let out a gasp at the ceiling. It was so high I couldn't even see the top. Anders gave out a nervous chuckle.

"Enormous mountain on top of our heads…what could go wrong?" Anders said nervously.

"Don't jinx it Blondie." Varric said. Then I saw Anders tense.

"There's darkspawn ahead." I said, taking out my daggers and following a side passage. "Remember don't get bit, don't get blood in your injuries or you'll die a very slow death."

"No pressure everyone!" Hawke said following me. I saw a group of Hurlocks up ahead, their swords waiving around, growling as they saw us approach. I saw a few arrows woosh toward them before a fireball got in the center of their group. A few survived the blast and I didn't waste time to stab my daggers into their eyes or slash at their throats.

"There are more coming!" Anders shouted, running past me. There was a group of five running up the rotted wood stairs. Anders did a wall of ice that impaled a few. He ran back and Bethany blasted the ice chunks. Hawke pushed down on them as an added precaution.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be." Bethany said.

"That was only a small group. Imagine a whole horde. If it comes to that, we're screwed." Anders said.

"Now, now, don't let your optimism affect the group." Hawke said sarcastically.

"He's right. Anders is the only Grey Warden around here. I'd feel more comfortable if there were four or five with us but he's the only wall we have against darkspawn. I don't want to be the pessimistic one but we need to be careful." I explained.

"Fine, fine. You're acting like my mother." Hawke shrugged.

"Are we really that much in danger?" Bethany said.

"I've seen ghouls and I've seen people die from the blight sickness and that's if you're lucky. If the darkspawn get to you…" I let that hang. Bethany shivered when remembering my story of the Broodmother.

"There are more up ahead." Anders said. We crossed a stone bridge and I saw a small horde running toward us.

"Bethany blast the ones that are closest! Varric focus on the bolters! Anders, Hawke cover me!" I shouted, running toward the darkspawn. I saw a fireball blast the two that were at the front of the horde. I did a leg sweep on two before jumping out of the way from bolter's arrows. I saw them both get frozen and pushed until they shattered. That left four more. I ran toward the archers and sunk my blades into their rotting flesh. Two throats slit, the last two got pelted by arrows and then burned for good measure.

Anders came by me and gave me a once over but I wasn't harm at all. I did have a lot of darkspawn blood on me though. I'd have to be really careful in cleaning. Darkspawn blood can still carry the taint on your clothes if you're not careful about it. He gave me a look and motioned toward the next passage.

"More guys. Same as before." I said.

"Look at you taking the leader position." Hawke chuckled.

"We have three mages, Bianca, and me. I'm the only one with a pair of daggers that can keep those monsters off you. Just make sure I don't die and we'll be as right as rain." I said, flicking off as much blood as I could before crossing another bridge into the next cavern.

There were four of them but they all had shields and swords. They came rushing at me. I twirled and evaded most of their blows until Hawke did a force push and sent them flying all through the room. Varric picked off one that got flown toward their group. Anders froze two and Hawke pushed them down. I ran toward the last darkspawn and cut open its throat.

I heard a fire blast got I got knocked off my feet and into the wall. I coughed slightly before feeling the cool feeling of a healing spell. Anders came by me and helped me up. Two more Hurlocks were coming toward us with a darkspawn emissary right behind them. At least I knew that was where the fire blast came from.

"Focus on the emissary!" I shouted, running toward the group.

"You mean the one with the magic!? Varric shouted.

"Yes!" I said, slashing the throat of the Hurlock and jumping back from the other Hurlock's slash. I saw Hawke pushed it away and the emissary was frozen by Anders. I skipped the Hurlock and did a powerful blow against the emissary, shattering it. I ran back, did an axe kick to make the last Hurlock stay down and stabbed it through the eye.

"Status?" I shouted.

"We're fine." Bethany said for her and Hawke.

"My coat got some blood on it but ok Knives."

"They're fine. I don't sense any darkspawn taint." Anders reassured me. I sighed as Hawke went down some stairs.

"Ooh, hidden room somewhere, maybe a chest?" Hawke said delightfully. I shook my head slightly. There were lyrium veins against the wall. It made my hair stand on end and I felt my chest warm slightly.

"Guys, we shouldn't linger here too-" I started.

"Spiders!" Hawke screamed as she got surrounded by sevens spiders. I growled in frustration at the lack of care. I jumped and squished an abdomen. Hawke used a force spell and push the spiders away from her. Bethany waved her staff in the air and I circled around the spiders, grabbed Hawke, and pushed her against the door before I saw a major fireball scorched the spiders around us. Hawke pushed me off and added to the fireball with another fireball of hers. She panted heavily and gave me a look. I raised an eyebrow.

"Scared?" I teased.

"To the void with you." Hawke growled.

"What did I tell you? Be careful. We're not in the city anymore. There are more dangers here than in Kirkwall." I said. Hawke huffed.

"You should listen to her sister. She has more experience with all of this. You know that." Bethany said.

"I know, I know…oh look a chest!" Hawke went off.

"Oh my...you know what? Whatever, Anders stay with them. I'm going to look for Sandal." I said.

"Nia we shouldn't split up what if-" Anders started before the biggest fucking spider in my whole entire life came down out of nowhere and landed in front of Hawke. She gave out a scream of terror as the spider came closer to her. One of its legs was nearly as big as me. I ran toward her and grabbed her from being eaten. Anders sent out cold spells but the spider was walking through it. The spider shrugged off the fire spells and the arrows were more like annoyance than anything.

"Shit!" Varric shouted.

"What do we do!?" Bethany said, letting out fire after fire spell. I put myself in between them and the spider. Hawke was screaming her head off which was making things worse for me. I looked around my surroundings. What could I do? What could I do? I gave a look at Anders.

I had no choice.

I reached for that power and lightly tapped it.

The spider growled at us and I ran toward it, feeling the power going into my muscles. I jumped and landed on the abdomen. I growled as I stabbed over and over. The spider crashed into the walls, trying to get me off. I lost my grip and I fell to the floor. I saw its abdomen burst in flames but it only had me in its sight. I ran up the stairs, the spider following me. I grabbed at the dead Hurlock's blade that was nearest but I accidentally touched the lyrium vein.

I felt a shock of power surge out of me, my tunnel vision came, and my back burned. I grabbed the sword with both of my hands and saw the maw of the spider coming toward me. I swung my sword, slash after slash, not noticing that my slashes came with burst of energy. Then I stabbed onto the space where its many eyes were. The spider curled up and was dead.

The power was gone.

I collapsed on my knees, coughing out blood.

"Nia!" I heard Anders call out to me. I wheezed slightly and groaned in pain. He came to me and tried healing me but I felt that same power try to take more from him that needed and I pushed him away.

"No…just give me an…elfroot potion…" I coughed out.

"That won't heal-"

"Anders." I said, looking at him in the eye. Anders sighed and gave me one from his pack.

"Bleugh, I'll never get used to that taste." I groaned, standing up shakily.

"What was that!?" Hawke shouted at me. Bethany looked at me with fear in her eyes and Varric held onto Bianca, his aim on me. Anders put himself between me and the rest. "So both of you are abominations? No wonder you two are so close." Hawke said condescendingly.

"She is not an abomination!" Anders shouted.

"Look-" I said but I saw how they flinched away from me. I sighed, feeling that old depression creeping up fast. "Whatever. Shoot me in the back if you want to. I'm going to look for Sandal." I mumbled, continuing on the path. I had enough. Anders looked back at them and then to me. He decided to follow me.

"Nia…you have to explain to them what you are." Anders said.

"And what am I Anders? I'm not a mage so how can I have the same ability as you? I'm a freak. Let them think that." I sighed.

"Nia…" Anders tensed again. Four more bolters came running toward us and I realized that my daggers were still embedded in the giant spider. I didn't care though. I ran toward the group, evading their arrows. I grabbed onto on neck behind it and cracked it. I saw two more become frozen and punched them to pieces. The last one had its crossbow in my face but I grabbed it as it shot the ceiling. The Hurlock growled at me as I wrestled its weapon away from it. I clocked it with its own crossbow, before kicking it, grabbing an arrow and stabbing the Hurlock in the eye.

I heard a shout from behind me. Hawke, Bethany, and Varric were pinned by a group of darkspawn. I ran toward them as Hawke did a force push against them as they flew across the room. I did an axe kick to a Hurlock as it was frozen, shattering it. Varric's arrows went through their skulls and Bethany roasted another one.

Then Bianca settled on me as I got close to them.

It hurt. It hurt more than I expected. I scowled and walked away.

"Nia…" Bethany said.

"We need to find another passage and Sandal. We've wasted enough time." I stated.

"Are you going to explain whatever you are to us?" Hawke asked.

"Maybe when I'm not being threatened." I said, looking at Bianca. I crossed the lyrium veins. It irritated the power inside of me. It was taking a lot out of me to push it all down. I didn't want to summon that power again. I came down some stairs and saw a whole bunch of darkspawn corpses lying around Sandal who was looking around aimlessly.

"Pretty lady."

"Hey Sandal." I sighed in relief.

"Well, I can't believe this happened." Varric said.

"The warrior stands triumphant." Anders chuckled.

"I would like to know how you killed all of them." Hawke chuckled, giving me a wide berth. Sandal gave her a rune.

"Boom."

"I see now can you explain how did you do that?" Hawke wondered, looking at the frozen ogre in mid attack.

"Not enchantment." Sandal said, going back toward the camp.

"Clever boy." Varric said. I let out a sigh of relief. I reached for my daggers as a force of habit before remembering they were still in the spider. I followed Sandal back toward the large spider and grabbed my daggers from its abdomen. I went back toward them and Hawke stomped her feet in front of me before I was able to go on.

"Stop. You are going to explain to us why you suddenly glowed!" Hawke pointed at me.

"I killed the spider." I said in a monotone.

"You glowed and you had small wings behind your back and your eyes glowed and your skin crackled and-" Hawke said in a rush.

"You were scary." Bethany said softly. I stared at the ground.

"Knives…"

"I died ok?" I snapped. Hawke gave me a not buying it look. "Hah." I rubbed my face in defeat. "You don't have to believe me. When I was at Soldier's Peak, it was overrun by demons. There was a fade rift. An abomination came out. Eren was in the way of its attack. I took it and I died. There has always been a spirit looking out for me for some odd reason. It came out of the fade rift and helped me. I'm here but now I'm …different."

"You're possessed." Hawke said.

"No. The spirit gave a part of itself to me. It lives within me. I can use its power but…as you can see it's not entirely…safe. It's safe for you. I'll never use this power to hurt any of you but…it hurts me whenever I use it in unsafe quantities. It is a very powerful spirit." I explained, fidgeting with my gloves, keeping my eyes down.

"At least that why whenever I heal you, it doesn't take that much magic…So are you human?" Hawke crossed her arms.

"Part spirit as well from what one experienced mage told me." I said. Bethany and Hawke shared a look.

"She is not an abomination. She's still Nia, no matter what any of you say. Don't you dare say that about her." Anders said, a flash of blue coming out. I touched him for a second before feeling that pulling sensation again. The blue faded away and I pushed down that rush of energy trying to overcome me.

"…Come on. We need to find a side passage." I mumbled, pushing past Hawke.

God I was so tired.

* * *

 **So I might need to take some creative liberties with Inquisition since the timeline is kinda all over the place. Timeline wise it starts in 9:41 Dragon but you also find entries that date 9:42 so we do enter another year. It takes several months to get to Skyhold because when you find Cullen, he even mentions its been months since he joined Inquisition. I'm thinking that my DAI story will start around early spring entering summer. Of course I would like your guys opinions on this. I don't want to go and do things that you don't like. I did review EVERYTHING though and this is the only thing that really fits. Sorry for the long Author Note.**

 **On another note my companion piece _I am a Grey Warden_ is out! Follows Talen, Derek, and Eren after the blight, expands on their backstories, and covers Witch Hunt, Shale's companion quest, and Golem of Amgarrak!**

 **Shout out to punitivesiren for favoriting/following!**

 **Buggy300:** _Well travel time would be longer since they go on foot but with mounts, especially the exotic ones, it would be faster. It still doesn't explain how everything gets done so fast x3 No, they already completed the mission. Bethany even states it when they find the marriage ring the husband didn't_ want.  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _True these are only small ripples but the bigger ones will be_ coming.  
 **Dforce76:** _All DLCs for DAI will be happening after the main story once I get to writing it. :3_

 **Thank you EG, WardenMahariel, and Shattered Soul 2021 (Welcome Back!) for your reviews! Please Review!**


	18. Primeval Thaig

9:31 Haring ?

The ceilings of the carved out Deep Roads were beautifully bathed in a red warm glow from the lava flowing constantly to warm and light the tunnels. I saw another collapsed path in front of us. I heard the light steps from everyone behind me.

I wanted to crawl in a small hole, curl up, and dream everything away.

I was a monster to them.

It didn't matter that I protected them.

I was a monster and abomination. I saw Anders tense and I saw Hurlocks charging straight for us. I ran for them, punching one in the mouth before evading and slashing on in the throat. One growled at me before I sank my dagger through its mouth and out at the back of its head. I saw another one got frozen and pelted by arrows.

Bethany shrieked as a horde came running toward the back of the group. Hawke pushed them off of her and sent down a powerful push down, all of the Hurlocks bashed their heads against the floor, except an emissary that was with them. I saw Anders rubbed his hands and did out a cone of cold, freezing all the darkspawn on the ground. I ran and jumped, sinking my daggers into the emissary. It growled at me before I clocked it in its mouth and decapitated it. The darkspawn around me were shattered into red icy meaty bits.

I flicked off the blood from my daggers and sheathed them. Bethany took a step back away from me. Every single time they did that I felt a sharp pain in my heart. It didn't matter what I did to protect them.

Nothing mattered.

I wanted to go home and sleep. I wanted to dream away this nightmare.

Four more came from under the ground. I did a leg sweep on all of them. I stomped on a Hurlock's chest. I sunk my blades in two heads before seeing the blast of fire killed the rest. I put away my daggers and went down a few carved stairs. I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. It was Anders. He gave me a worried look but I shook my head.

I told them a partial truth. Varric didn't believe me when I said I wasn't from this world. There was no point in trying to convince the others. I passed a few columns and Anders drew his weapon. Four bolters but I saw a fireball got aimed in their directions. Anders did a wall of ice in front of the group and a few more Hurlocks got themselves impaled. The few who didn't got a few arrows to the face.

It was a tense silence as we walked up the stairs to the next room. Anders stopped me from going in. He gave me a look, a bad one. I realized that there was something extremely menacing that room and if Anders felt it, it could only be one thing. I let in a deep breath and sprinted in, nearly avoiding the smash of an Ogre. It bashed its horns against the wall. I took out my daggers and jumped on its back. It reared its head in pain but I climbed it and slashed its throat, its bloody ichor splattering the walls black. I jumped off it and flicked my daggers.

"Ok, I'll admit that was cool." Hawke whispered.

"Andraste preserve me."Bethany face palmed. "Nia." Bethany said and I stopped. "I apologize for my behavior."

"What are you doing Bethany?" Hawke asked.

"What is right. Nia doesn't deserve this sister. She has done nothing but help us for nothing in return! Andraste's breeches sister, she feeds us! Ok she had a secret but I bet you would have done the same in her position! Keeping it secret until the last minute!" Bethany shouted. It made me look at her in surprise.

"Whoa, Sunshine has a backbone." Varric chuckled.

"I do when I know people aren't being treated fairly." Bethany said. She came up to me and put her hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"You think I'm a freak. You're right." I said, looking away.

"No…you…frightened me a little yes but-"

"Just stop. It's better if you treat me like Hawke is doing instead of looking down on me." I said, shrugging off her arms.

"This is not pity. I'm trying to set things right. Maybe you're possessed, maybe you're not but I believe you will not harm us." Bethany said sincerely. Bethany kept on looking at Hawke who had her arms crossed and wasn't looking at us. "Sister!"

"What do you want me to say? I'm not good with…emotions like this!" Hawke expasperated.

"Hmph." I rolled my eyes.

"Knives, as long as you can use that against our enemies, then I'm all right with it. Bianca might be a bit testy." Varric said carefully.

"Better than nothing I guess." I shrugged. Hawke exhaled sharply and stomped toward me.

"Anymore secrets?" Hawke asked.

"Nothing like this."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Good." Then Hawke slapped me, hard. It took me off guard and I stumbled slightly.

"Ow! What the f-"

"That's for keeping it a secret now stop being broody. We don't need another Fenris." Hawke said, flicking my nose. I rubbed at the tender spot on my cheek and I chuckled when I caught Anders staring at me.

"Are you laughing because she slapped you?" Anders wondered.

"Maybe you should slap her more sister." Bethany laughed.

"It did make me feel better." Hawke reasoned.

"Careful, she likes Rivaini. What makes you think she won't go for you?" Varric chuckled.

"I don't like Isabela that way!" I shouted, my face flushing. Hawke laughed at me and Bethany chuckled. The dark feeling has passed. I was fine, for now at least. Anders grabbed my hand and gave me that soft smile of his. I gave him mine back. We continued along the journey and found the other side of the cavern with a lava lake in between.

"No wonder it's so warm in here." Bethany said.

"You always were one for hotter weather." Hawke said.

"No wonder she's so…firey." I said. Hawke busted out laughing.

"You two should stop joking like that." Varric groaned. We walked along the road, Varric tripping over a few rocks.

"You losing your footing Varric?" Anders teased.

"I'm a city boy Blondie. I'm not used to rocky roads." Varric grumbled.

"Look there's a chamber up ahead." I said. It was a wide chamber and I was able to see the large carvings of the ancestors before I heard a roar come from somewhere and a dragon appeared before us.

"Not another one!" Hawke moaned. It charged at us and we splintered off. Varric took the ranger position, well away from the fighting. Anders kept on trying to freeze a few legs but it shook them off. Hawke pushed it slightly but it didn't do a dent. Bethany's fire spells didn't even do much either. I ran around it and jumped on its back. It lifted off from the ground, surprising me but I didn't lose my grasp. It flew around the chamber as I desperately held on, knocking itself into the walls. It grounded and looked back at me with a glare.

"…Shit." It grabbed me with its mauls and I felt it trying to crush my arm before a blast of force magic smashed into its face. I fell to the ground hard, losing my breath. I saw arrows sticking from its wing. That was the reason why it came down to the ground again. I rolled on the ground before getting up again.

There were various dragonling's bodies all over the ground. The group was probably killing them while I took my joyride on top of the dragon.

Anders came running up, summoning a winter's grasp at its chest. Varric shot a few arrows at it, shattered the surrounding flesh. The dragon roared in pain and charged at Anders. I felt my anger touch my energy and I sprinted ahead, barely getting in between them. I grabbed onto the maul of the dragon, the strength of it pushing me back. I grounded my body as much as I could, stopping it with sheer force. I knew I couldn't hold it for too long. My power could only sustain my strength for so long.

"Kill it now!" I shouted as I kept its jaw in my hands. I saw Hawke grab at a small knife in her hands before coming up and stabbing it in the dragon's neck. It tried to flail but I kept it where it was before it slumped over. I let out a sharp exhale, letting go of the energy. My hands were bloody from its maul tearing into my gloves.

"Here." Hawke said, healing my hands. I hissed in pain before I saw the skin knit back together. I shook the pain out of my hands.

"Thanks."

"Damn, this is going to be one story." Varric chuckled.

"Only you would say that Varric." Hawke chuckled.

"Nia, your daggers are here!" Bethany shouted from the side of the dragon. I grabbed my things.

"Do you think this is a good side passage? We did kill all of these things to make the path clear." Hawke said.

"Yep. This leads right where we want to. Come on. Let's not waste any more time. Bartrand is sure to love this." Varric said.

"You rode a dragon. How did it feel?" Anders said.

"Terrifying and look what happened to my gloves! Damn it, I was hoping not to ruin another set of armor." I mumbled.

"Another set? This isn't your first time ruining one Knives?" Varric wondered.

"She has a penchant for destroying her armors. What happened the last time?" Anders asked.

"I can't remember. I do remember that I got mauled by a werewolf the first time."

"After you went skinny dipping in a water hole." Hawke chuckled.

"I did not skinny dip Hawke. I was in my skivvies." I corrected.

"Same thing!" Hawke laughed.

"Sister." Bethany chuckled.

"Bartrand!" Varric shouted as we got to the camp. "We cleared another way through past your damned cave-in!"

"About time. Let's move out!" Everyone started to take down the tents. I grabbed a water skin and quenched my thirst. Defeating darkspawn and dragons takes a toll. I saw Bethany rub her eyes a bit. Hawke went up to Bartrand and he thanked her for saving Sandal.

"How are you feeling?" Anders asked, as I grabbed my pack.

"So far so good." I said. Everyone walked the path we cleared.

"I'm sorry."

"For what Anders?"

"For not being able to protect you. For making you use…that." Anders said. I sighed.

"You don't have to be sorry Anders. It was my choice. I wanted to protect them. I wanted to protect you. I knew I wasn't going to keep it a secret for too long. Hawke already felt it once. I knew I should have told them from the get go but…"

"You were afraid."

"Yeah." I nodded. Anders sighed and squeezed my hand.

"I know. I understand."

"Thank you Anders." I smiled at him.

"Oh I see since Fenris isn't around, you move onto Anders. So scandalous." Hawke said, elbowing me suggestively.

"Should I kiss him to seal the deal?" I said flatly.

"What!?" Anders exclaimed. They all laughed besides Anders who groaned and hid his face which was turning red.

9:31 Haring ?

"Hey Knives, what you writing there?" Varric asked.

"Hm?" I looked up. I was part of the group that volunteered for lookout for our resting period. Hawke and Bethany shared a tent while Anders and I shared a tent. I was writing in my journal and Varric sat next to me on the ground, the fire in front of us.

"You writing a book?" Varric asked, peering over my shoulder.

"No. It's my journal. It's been a habit of mine ever since I came to Ferelden." I explained.

"Really? I wouldn't have pegged you for a journal girl. What do you write in it?" Varric asked.

"Stuff. Day to day things, what we've been through, what I've been through. It's a cathartic experience and makes sure I keep my sanity." I chuckled. Then Varric took my journal when I was writing in it midway.

"Nice hand writing though I would suggest a few embellishments and-" Varric started before I took my journal back. I held it close to me. I don't get angry easily but this was something that I couldn't let anyone see.

"Varric. You're my friend, even if you pointed Bianca at me. I don't want to be angry at you but this is something that no one, not even you, can touch." I said carefully in an even tone.

"You have more secrets don't you?" Varric smirked. Even though my stomach dropped, I didn't flinch. Varric held up his hands in defeat. "All right, all right. I won't try to peek at your writing, not if you feel that strongly about it. So, care to enlighten me on what you're hiding?"

"Sure. I can see the- and I've written everything here." I said flatly. Varric laughed out loud.

"Well, everyone has something to hide. Don't get crushed under your secrets Knives." Varric said, throwing another piece of wood in the fire.

"You're not going to ask me to elaborate or anything?" I asked.

"Like I said Knives, everyone has something to hide. I'm not going to force them out of you. If they are anything like what you showed us earlier? Then you have a pretty good reason to keep it a secret. Just make sure to give us a warning next time ok? That whole energy wings and light coming out of your eyes is kinda creepy." Varric laughed. I sighed and opened my journal again, looking into the fire.

"Varric? Thank you. I mean it from the bottom of my heart...I...there was a reason why I came to Kirkwall. I...There are things I want to protect, things I want to change but I'm not sure I can." I said.

"From the things you've shown me, I have a pretty good idea that you can protect anyone that you want to." Varric chuckled. I smiled softly and got misty eyed. I wiped my eyes. "Aw come on now Knives, I can't stand humans crying." I laughed. "Go and get some rest. I'll take over." Varric said. I nodded and got up. I gave him a quick kiss on the head. He chuckled and shooed me away. I went to my tent. Anders was having a fitful sleep, tossing and turning. I put my journal somewhere safe. I didn't want to hide anything but I couldn't risk anyone finding out. If they-. They wouldn't forgive me or they wouldn't believe me. It's better to work alone in this.

I laid down and I felt Anders sigh and hug me close to him. I snuggled into him, not really caring for the extra body heat. Soon, I felt the same embrace of sleep as him.

9:31 Haring ?

"I swear no matter where I go I'm on soup duty."

"You make good soup Nia." Anders chuckled.

"At least the workers are getting something worthwhile." I said. We've stopped after one of the guys got his leg stuff in a crevice and nearly broke his leg. Hawke, Bethany, and Anders were able to heal it but he still walked with a limp.

The Deep Roads were changing little by little. It was looking like the Ortan Thaig with low blue light instead of the bright warmth of the lava. The corruption was starting to show in the walls as well. Thick coats of darkness on the walls and Bartrand warned us not to eat anything that we find. I knew we were getting closer and closer to the point of no return.

"All right you sack of filth! Pick everything up, it's time to move!" I saw the workers pick everything up and took my own pack.

"You seem so relaxed and in control of everything. How do you do it?" Bethany asked.

"Like I said, this isn't a far cry from what I needed to do during the Blight. Always moving to and fro from everywhere, picking everything up, making sure that you were ready in case you were attacked, I'm used to it." I shrugged.

"We did a lot of walking in Amaranthine as well. I bet you most Grey Wardens live their lives just walking." Anders said. I chuckled.

"That and killing darkspawn."

"I'm surprised we haven't found much resistance down here." Varric said.

"The roads clear for a time after the Blight before filling right back up with darkspawn. Then you make sure to run like hell when you see Deep Roads in sight." I said.

"Or try for the treasure that's still in there." Hawke said. Bethany face palmed and sighed.

"Only you sister." We came down a flight of stairs and the Primeval Thaig stood before us.

"This…does not look like any of the Deep Roads I've ever seen…" Anders said.

"I've seen one similar but even then it wasn't like this." I said.

"Holy Shit." Varric said.

"This is what you were expecting right?" Hawke asked.

"We were expecting the regular abandoned thaig…but what is this?" Bartrand wondered.

"How did you even know this was here?" Hawke asked.

"Some scavenger…" Bartrand started before I started to hear a weird banging in my mind. I groaned and held my head. There was something here, something not natural. I saw the red lyrium veins come out of ground and were traveling along the walls. I rubbed my nose bridge. I felt a migraine come on.

"Nia?" Anders wondered, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Huh? Sorry. I feel a headache come on." I waved him away.

"Time to make camp." Bethany said. I rubbed my head helped set up the camp. I knew-. I hoped- but hope wasn't enough.

"Come on, time to go exploring." Hawke said with a giddy undertone. I took my pack with me just in case-. I followed her out, hearing Bartrand's mumbles about how nothing in this thaig makes sense.

"I have to admit it though. This must be one old thaig to not have depictions of the Ancestors and do you see that lyrium vein? I've never seen red lyrium!" Varric exclaimed.

"Is that a bad thing?" Bethany said.

"At this point Sunshine, I don't know. I don't feel comfortable here. Let's just find some treasure and get the void out of here." Varric said. I agreed with his sentiment. When I was around lyrium veins it felt like my body gets static charged. This time I was feeling a sense of dread. I couldn't keep my eyes on the red lyrium. I felt ants crawling over my skin and there was a dull thudding in my head. I loved the Deep Roads and their beauty.

This place was the opposite though. I wanted out.

I unconsciously hugged myself. I shivered slightly. Why lyrium had an effect on me, I couldn't say but the red stuff was different. It was like I could feel it in the depths of my soul that it was evil. Of course it was evil since it had-. To think that lyrium was-. I knew what-.

Anders kept on giving me worried glances but I shook my head. This was Hawke's expedition not mine. I had to make sure-. There was-.

I just wished there wasn't so much red lyrium.

We went through a carved out hole and Varric spotted a door that had red lyrium growing around it. I took a step back. The good thing was that I was in the back of the group. Nobody noticed my growing apprehension of all of this.

"Hm. It seems that there's a place that's still intact after all of this. Do you think we'll find anything there?" Varric asked.

"Maybe more darkspawn? Bones? An old chewed boot?" Hawke said.

"One way to find out." Bethany said. As soon as we touched ground heading to the door, shades popped out of the ground. They floated toward us and I dug my daggers into their bodies. Anders froze one and Varric shot at the two that were on the lower level. Hawke shattered the one that was frozen.

"Demons!" Bethany shouted. I heard a growl behind me. The inert stone golem came to life.

"Golem!" I shouted leaping away before it squashed me in the ground. "My daggers won't do anything! Hit it with spells!"

"We're a bit busy!" Hawke shouted, being swarmed by shades. I evaded another blow as the golem came toward me. I twirled, evaded, dodged everything by a hair every single time. It growled, trying to pummel me out of existence. I saw all of it frozen at once and Hawke concentrating. I felt the ground jump as she released a heavy force push and the golem smashed into tiny frozen rock pieces. A few cut my face.

"Holy shit!" Varric said.

"You can say that again." Bethany said. I let out a sigh of relief before feeling a sharp pain in my head. It was that same beat, almost like a heart beat. I hissed and rubbed it.

"Nia?" Anders asked, coming near me.

"I'm fine Anders, no don't heal the cuts, I'm fine really." I shook my head.

"You sure about that Knives? You're looking pale." Varric asked.

"Just my headache. Let's keep going." I said. We went down the stone stairs and through the stone door. We walked through the corridor before opening another door. As soon as I went in that door I felt an enormous feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. My mouth gathered saliva like the feeling before throwing up. My hands felt weak and the pain in my head mounted.

There was something inside my head or something trying to get inside my head.

I saw the others going up the stairs but I leaned against a column, holding my head. There was something inside. I could hear…a song or something remotely like a song. It felt…wrong…it felt…disgusting.

A primitive song of beats, of thuds, pouring into my head, trying to force itself inside of me. This was wrong, this was wrong!

This was wrong!

"The door!" Hawke shouted. I didn't realize I was curled up in a fetal position holding my head. The song of the Red Lyrium fading away slightly as Bartrand left with the idol in his hands. Anders was over me, saying something to me but I couldn't hear.

I heaved as I wanted to get the wrongness out. I curled up again. Holding my stomach. It lurched painfully. All I could feel was pain, all I was inside and out was pain.

It was a song and it wanted to enter me. Beats, thuds, teasing me, hypnotizing me! It hurt! Oh God, it hurt! I wanted it to stop!

Then I felt the pain and the feeling ebb slowly as the idol became further and further away. Anders sat me against the column. I wiped away at the blood flowing out of my nose.

"That son of a bitch! Sorry mother, oh wait until I get my hands on his fat neck! I'll wring it until his face turns blue!" Varric shouted, pounding away at the stone door.

"Calm down Varric, we need to think this through." Bethany tried to calm him down.

"Bethany throw…something at the door!" Hawke shouted.

"No! The cavern is always weak through the years of no maintenance. If she throws a hard enough spell against that door then the whole room could cave in on us." Anders said. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

The pain in my head was still there but the song was gone.

"Ow…" I said, rubbing my eyes.

"What happened?" Anders asked.

"There was…pain, so much pain and…a song…it didn't sound right..." I rubbed my head. "Didn't you hear it too?"

"We heard nothing besides my fucking brother walking away and leaving us to die!" Varric said, kicking the stone door again.

"Varric now is not the time!" Bethany said. Varric growled and used Bianca to fire at the wall.

"You're just wasting arrows. You have to save them." I said softly. I groaned, pushing myself off the ground. I felt a sense of vertigo and I felt Anders steady me.

"Nia you don't look good." Hawke said. I pinched my nose bridge. I felt the cool of a healing spell from Anders and it made everything feel so much better. I shook my head.

"Thank you but that's not going to last long. I can't stay in here." I said.

"Is it...?" Bethany wondered.

"No it's not the blight sickness. I have a feeling this red lyrium is having an effect on Nia's spirit. Its drumming with magic but...not the good kind." Anders explained. I shivered.

"Do you think there's a way out?" Bethany wondered. I stopped leaning on Anders and stood up. The pain in my head was there and it was mounting but I couldn't stop here. There was too much at stake.

Thank God that I always carry my pack with me.

"There's always a way out. We just have to find it." I said with determination. I saw the red lyrium snaking its way out of the walls. It hurt to look at it. I led everyone down a corridor and I saw stairs that led down. More shades came out. I grabbed my daggers and focused my anger and paid in killing them. I stabbed my dagger through an eye and slashed the throat of another one before smashing its face in a column. The other two behind me were scorched by Bethany's fire.

Three more appeared in the lower levels. Anders froze two. I jumped down and smashed them. Varric pelted the other one with arrows. We ran down and encountered…rock wraiths. They were made of sharpened rocks with a flaming skull at their head.

"What in the-" Varric wondered.

Hawke didn't waste any time in doing a force spell when Anders froze all of them. It only cracked through three. Bethany let out a fireball and consumed two more. I ran in, evaded their sharpened rocks and put my dagger through a skull. It was odd to decapitate it but these functioned like undead. Get rid of the head and the rest will fall.

"Andraste's breeches! What were those things?" Varric wondered.

"I have never seen that type of demon before." Bethany said.

"Makes me wonder if it was like those sylvans we saw back in Amaranthine." Anders wondered.

"You mean walking trees? Those are real?" Hawke asked.

"When there's nothing around to possess, demons go into other things. Trees, rocks…" I rubbed my head again. "We can wonder about it later." I led the group further down a corridor. My body was instinctively flinching away from the red lyrium that was popping out everywhere. I saw in my peripheral vision the demons and I leaped back.

"More demons!" The shades followed me and I felt someone grabbed me and put me behind them. Anders had summoned Justice and froze everything. Then he summoned a wave of force and shattered everything. He groaned and pushed Justice away.

"Anders you have to be careful." I said.

"We can't have another abomination running lose can we?" I glared at Hawke. "Ok sorry, that was me being an ass."

"Wow, you're starting to get it." I said flatly. I hugged myself as we continued following the corridor. The red lyrium snaked through the walls, towering over all of us. It terrified me, an old fear inside of me coming out.

I wanted my mom.

We opened the door and more shades and wraiths were waiting for us. Bianca let forth a stream of arrows. The shades all went down but the rock wraiths were inching themselves closer to us. Bethany let loose a stream of flame and they went down.

"Finally, those things were getting annoying." Hawke said.

"Enough." The rocks gathered themselves up with a skull in the middle of them. Its ribcage glowed and well as its eye.

"A demon!" Anders harshly whispered.

"You have proven your courage. I would not see these creatures life as forfeit without need."

"Oh really? Because I will totally take them down whenever they attack me on sight." Hawke said.

"They will assault you no further, not without my permission."

"Are these rocks wraiths or something? I thought they were kid tale's but…" Varric said.

"They are not…these profane have remained here for far too long, knowing not of the memory of how to came to be, feeding on the magical stones until all that's left inside of them is the need."

"They eat the lyrium? Can demons do that?" Bethany wondered.

"It doesn't matter what demons do or not do, we should stop talking to this now and kill it!" Anders stressed.

"You're a demon aren't you? But you're not feeding on the lyrium. You're feeding on their hunger." Hawke stated.

"And I would not see my feast end. I sense the desire inside all of you. You want to escape this place but in order for you to do that, you'll need my help."

"Demons will always take in a deal. We shouldn't listen to it any further." Anders said.

"But it might know a way out!" Bethany said.

"We shouldn't-!" I took my dagger and punched the demon in the skull.

"You insolent-" I did a round house kick, tripping it to the ground, and smashed my knuckles against the skull before it cracked and it fell to the ground as a pile of rubble.

"It doesn't matter if we followed it or not. This will lead us out. It just wanted us to give it what it wanted. Let's go." I said. My headache was getting worse. I wanted out.

I was getting out.

* * *

 **I finally decided on the timeline for DAI. I hope you guys won't mind too much if I did a few creative liberties here and there. Oh and head over to my deviantart for some drawings of Nia, new updated drawings of Talen, Derek, and Eren! Link is in my profile! :3**

 **EG:** _Well Fenris hates mages and abominations. When he learns the truth, it won't be pretty._  
 **Noswald:** _Sandal wasn't there when she went all spirit power. He was still surrounded by darkspawn corpses._

 **Thank you ThelonewolfNT, Chimera Spyke, Dforce76, Buggy300, and Ariel for reviewing! Please Review!**


	19. Act 1 End

9:31 Haring ?

I scowled at the rubble that was the hunger demon as I passed by it. The others following me. Varric gave out a low whistle.

"Remind me never to piss you off Knives." Varric said.

"That's a good lesson for everyone." Hawke said.

"It's not over yet." I said as the rocks shifted and an abomination came out. I saw behind us were a few more profane and shades.

"You will-"

"Shut up!" I shouted, plunging my daggers into its head, trying to go deeper and deeper. The demon screamed and clawed at any part of me before falling to the floor, dead. It's claws made scratches on my armor. I was more than pissed. I heard the battles behind me but the pain in my head grew. I felt a sharp pain again and shivered.

"Nia." Anders said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I felt the cool of his healing spell but this time it didn't do much. He was getting weaker. Mages could only cast for a time before they can't take from the fade anymore. They might accidentally start tapping into their life energy if they're not careful.

"I'm better now." I said, pushing his hand away. We walked up the stairs and ended up in another corridor. I hated the glow of the red lyrium. There were four profane heading our way and Hawke let out a force push and smashed them on the floor. They were turned into rubble. Then a horde of shades appeared before and behind us. We were surrounded.

"Shit, we don't have any lyrium potions with us!" Hawke said.

"And I'm running out of arrows!" Varric shouted. I heard their shrieks as they came closer to us. I reached for the power inside of me and hurled myself in the center of the shrieks. I stabbed, flipped back, stabbed again. I felt that everything was becoming slower around me as all I found where those eye holes of the shade. They fell, dying before I felt the exhaustion take me. The profane was right before me before Anders froze it. I growled and I shattered it.

The others were pushed and burned away. I shivered again, feeling that sharp pain in the side of my head. I groaned, holding my head. I shook the pain out. I had to focus or else we would all die here. I wasn't going to let that happen.

"Everyone ok?" I panted.

"We're getting tired Knives." Varric said.

"I know. We need to get the worst behind us first." I said, leading the group.

"You mean that wasn't the worst?" Hawke wondered, tripping over the remains of a profane.

"There could be worse things in the Deep Roads." I mumbled. We came into a cavern with four long columns heading up to the ceiling with red lyrium snaking along with them. The room span slightly.

"A vault?" Bethany wondered.

"Yes this is where they would…" Varric started. We all heard the rocks gathering behind us. A massive rock wraith stared down at us with red evil energy.

"Jesus Christ!" I shouted. The thing was as big as a high dragon on its heels. Being near it made the pounding in my head skyrocket. My vision was becoming blurry but I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood to distract the pain from my head. It growled and then dug into the ground.

"Where did it go?" Bethany shouted.

"How in the void should I know?!" Hawke wondered.

"There!" I shouted. The wraith came up, towering over all of us. Anders sent out cold magic toward it, trying to freeze one of its limbs to no avail. Bethany let out a small fireball that staggered it but only slightly. Varric tried aiming with Bianca toward the skull but the arrows kept on ricocheting off. I ran around it, evading, twirling out of its grasp to make sure its attention stayed on me. It burrowed underground again and went in the middle of the room.

"Run behind a column now!" I screamed. They all ran and I saw the wraith gather its power and let it out. The energy passed by like a laser, destroying anything in its path. The columns held though thankfully.

"What are we going to do?!" Bethany shouted.

"Wait it out! I need to get near the skull!" I replied.

"That's suicide!" Anders said.

"You have a better idea!?" I screamed back. The energy stopped and I heard a ringing in my ears. I shook it out and the rock wraith's defenses when down, its energy spent. Unfortunately it summoned a horde of profanes to keep us away. There were six profanes surrounding it. I tried running toward it but I tripped and my timing went away. I was hit in the ribs and skidded on the ground. I growled and got back up again, smashing my knuckles against the skull. The profanes were getting closer to Hawke and company. It was either them or getting the wraith. I didn't hesitate.

I ran toward them, jumping and tackling the profanes. I took one skull and smashed it. There were three others right behind me. Hawke pushed me out of the way and summoned a white hot fire blast. They fell to the ground, red hot from her spell. I looked at her but I saw her face.

It was the face of utter terror.

There was a reason why she hated elemental spells. I filed that away for later. The rock wraith was able to get enough time to charge again. We scrammed for the columns and I heard the piercing wail of the energy coming through. I shut my eyes and waited for it to subside. The rock wraith fell again, its defenses gone. I didn't waste any time and ran toward it. I smashed the skull with a strong hammer blow and kept on smashing it until the skull was bone splinters. The profanes that were surrounding it scattered all over the ground. I panted loudly, getting away from the wraith, leaning against a column, and trying to catch my breath.

The pounding in my head increase, that primitive drumming piercing my skull. I groaned and my stomach churned violently. I felt a cooling hand on my head. I looked up and Anders looked at me with increasing worry. I pushed him away, shakily walking away from the sight.

"Nia..." Anders started. I shook my head and took the lead once more.

"I can't believe this just happened. Rock wraiths are only legends, they're not real." Varric panted, putting Bianca away.

"Well, I just killed a legend then." I said, my head aching terribly. We walked out of the room.

"Doesn't matter, look at what it was guarding!" Varric laughed. I saw a variety of chests, some broken open already showing treasure and old gold.

"Whoa!" Hawke shouted with glee, running toward the treasure.

"Let's look for something to help us out of here as well sister!" Bethany said. Hawke stopped for a second to give her a sheepish look.

"Oh um right, yes, yes. There's no point in having all this treasure if you can use it right? Nia, give me your pack." Hawke demanded, holding her hand out.

"Fine, fine, here." I gave it to her and I leaned against the wall, rubbing my head. I felt Anders' hands cupping my face, the slight healing magic working its way through me. I opened my eyes and he looked so worried.

"You are scaring me." He whispered. I took his hands off my face.

"This place scares me." I whispered back.

"We found a key and I stuffed your pack filled with gold and treasure and all sorts of shiny things!" Hawke giggled.

"Aren't you glad she kept her pack along?" Bethany asked.

"I did too but it's not as well equipped as Knives. Let's get out of here." Varric said. We used the key to open the locked door. We followed a set of stairs into the next level. I sighed.

"Here's to hoping that we get out of here as soon as we can."

9:31 Haring ?

"Ugh, these taste like horror." Hawke said, eating a deep mushroom. All I had on for food were dried jerky, non-leavened bread, and dried fruit. In between five people that went out fast after three days.

"Too bad there aren't any deepstalkers or nugs around here. It would be easy to hunt them down and eat them." I said, finishing off my fruit.

"Ugh Knives! You've eaten deepstalker before?" Varric said with disgust.

"What's a deepstalker?" Bethany asked. Her skin was pale and there were times when she wasn't focusing. I saw the signs. It won't be long now.

"These nasty creatures with glowy backs and no eyes just this…thing for a mouth, ugh!" Varric described.

"When we were traveling through the Deep Roads to look for Branka we ran out of food. Water we were good on. The only good thing about the Deep Roads is that you can always find a water source nearby. So we got a deepstalker and ate it. It was very gamy and unappetizing." I said flatly.

"Oh I don't care if it was a deepstalker or anything, I want meat." Hawke said, rolling on top of a sheet that was my tent and holding her stomach.

"A person can survive a month or more without food. Three days without water. We were lucky that we found an underground source that hasn't dried." I explained.

"How are you feeling Knives? Better now that we got out of that shit hole?" Varric asked.

"Much. My head finally stopped hurting. Now if only my stomach can do the same." I said, laying down and using my spare clothes as an extra pillow. Bethany and Hawke were sleeping together and Varric was cleaning Bianca. Anders came by and sat next to me.

"All those times I swore to myself that I would never come here again…and I came here again." Anders resigned. I chuckled.

"Life is a bitch Anders."

"That's true." Anders looked at the Hawke sisters and I followed his gaze.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"…No…Bethany…" Anders motioned his head toward her. I sat up and looked at them. Anders gave me a grim look. He didn't need to say anything. I already knew. We stayed and slept but my mind kept on replaying how Anders' looked. I knew-.

It was an uneasy rest in which I kept on waking up periodically. It sucked. We got up and put everything away in my pack. It was very heavy carrying all that we found in the thaig. Our surroundings became familiar.

"I think we've been here before." I said.

"Ah you're right Knives. We can take that route and it should lead us to the surface. In only five days too!" Varric said.

"About time…" Hawke groaned, rubbing her neck.

"Sister…I don't feel good…" Bethany started.

"Probably those deep mushrooms we had to eat." Varric chuckled.

"No…that wasn't…" I caught Bethany before she fell to the ground. I saw the small tendrils of black veins in her neck, her skin was pale, and she was clammy.

"Bethany!" Hawke rushed to her side.

"The blight sickness. I feel it in her." Anders said.

"You…why didn't you tell me!?" Hawke shrieked.

"I thought…it would pass…I'm sorry…" Bethany said weakly.

"She's going to die if we don't do something and quick." I said.

"There's only one cure for this and that's becoming a Grey Warden." Anders said.

"Are there any around here? Someone we can find? Anyone?" Hawke pleaded. Anders sighed and rubbed his forehead..

"There are a few Grey Wardens in the area. I stole the maps from them, thinking that they might be looking for me. They weren't. They were planning their own expedition. I…can use my sense to look for them but it's not a guarantee."

"I'll do anything. We have to find them." Hawke said with desperation. Anders nodded and closed his eyes. They snapped open.

"That way." Anders said, taking the lead. Hawke put her sister's arm around her neck and put Bethany's weight on her.

"You see? You're going to be fine sister." Hawke assured Bethany.

"Are…are you sure…? I don't want to die…like that Templar in Lothering…" Bethany said.

"You won't…I swear it…" Hawke said, her voice heavy with conviction. Varric and I gave each other tired looks. We followed Anders as we went twisting and turning through the Deep Roads. I've never seen Hawke so desperate. Anders stopped.

"I think…that might be them…" Then I heard growling. "Or darkspawn." We came out of the tunnel and there was a mass horde of darkspawn in front of us. Hawke gasped as they all came running toward us. I reached for the power and grabbed it. I saw in tunnel vision and I focused the power in my daggers. I ran into the horde.

The slashes I made were long and filled with energy. Every time I slashed, two or three would fall. Every time I smashed in in the face, the energy would continue to the Hurlock next to it. I wasn't going to let anyone fall today. I did a whirlwind, allowing the energy to flee from my daggers. I felt a jolt on my back and I got flung into the wall. The energy leaving me and I felt the blood rising into my mouth. I coughed out blood and I saw Anders fighting an emissary. He formed an ice orb over his staff and used it as a blunt weapon against it.

The emissary went down with a few more Hurlocks coming toward our group. He fired off a lightning spell and hit another Hurlock in the face with it. I got up to join them when I saw Stroud come up to our group.

"Anders." He said with a glare.

"Stroud. Nice day for a walk isn't it?" Anders said nonchalantly.

"Stroud." I said, wiping the blood from my mouth.

"Your highness? What are you doing here? I thought you were stationed in Amaranthine?" Stroud wondered.

"I had…extenuating circumstances that led me here." I said. Stroud looked at Anders then to me.

"We didn't come here just to play catch up Stroud." Anders said.

"Of course not. I do not think you would be fighting darkspawn for the thrill of it Anders." Stroud said.

"No. I didn't." Anders glared. Hawke came up with Bethany.

"The girl as a recruit? Hm, of course you would... I am sorry. I know the sickness is a devastating thing to a family member but the Grey Wardens do not take recruits out of pity. The order is no kindness." Stroud explained.

"You would let my sister die from the blight than be recruited because it's better than joining?!" Hawke shouted.

"It is easier." Stroud nodded.

"Stroud, she is an accomplished mage. She would do well within the ranks especially now with the blight over. Your order won't be able to grow unless you try." I argued.

"I know your position in our order your highness but even you know that the joining is a death sentence just as is the sickness."

"Please Stroud…you won't regret this decision, I promise you." I said, stepping toward him. He didn't see me in the best light after Anders left. I lashed out at him but I really hoped that he would do this. Stroud sighed.

"We will take the girl but she comes with us now. You may not see her ever again. Becoming a Grey Warden is not a cure, it is a calling." Stroud explained.

"I'm sorry…that it has come down to this…" Bethany said weakly.

"No…I should have never taken you here…" Hawke said, her voice breaking.

"We must leave now to reach the surface quickly." Stroud took Bethany from Hawke. Hawke stepped toward Bethany for a moment before Stroud and the others went away. I heard a sob from Hawke. Varric touched her arm lightly. I wiped my eyes from the tears that wanted to fall.

"We'd better be going." I said.

"Thank you." Hawke said. "I'm sorry for being an ass and calling you an abomination...I..." Hawke said wiping all the tears that were falling. I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. She didn't hold back anymore and sobbed in my shoulder.

"She's going to live." I said, keeping my voice steady. "She's strong. You know that better than anyone." I felt her nod.

"It's best if we keep going. We'll attract more darkspawn if we stay in one place." Anders described softly. Hawke let me go and wiped her eyes and nose. We walked silent through the path we came from in the beginning, with one person less. Hawke holding my hand like a lifeline.

9:31 Haring ?

We came back to the city.

We found the same opening as before and we were all in awe at the amount of snow on the ground. I breathed in the cold, crisp, winter air. It smelled like heaven.

"Oh thank Andraste that we aren't in the stuffy roads anymore." Hawke said. She kept on joking on our way here but nothing like before. It didn't have that sense of fun or joy. What happened to Bethany was hitting her hard.

"I think I breathed in all the dust I could from there." Anders groaned.

"Let's not do that again, shall we? We should only be a few hours away from the city." Varric said, following the trail back to the main road. I stretched and moved the pack to my next shoulder.

"Is it getting too heavy? Should I carry it?" Anders asked.

"Anders we both know that you're a weak man. Need I remind you that my muscles are bigger than yours?" I teased.

"No way!" Hawke shoved me slightly.

"It's true. I got these bulging guns coming out of my armor while he has these flimsy sticks of arms." I said, sticking my tongue out at Anders.

"That is not true! I have some muscles." Anders whined.

"Anders you got a bruise every single time I punched you back in Amaranthine." I said. Anders ruffled my hair and I giggled. We came up on the hill and I saw the gates of the city come in our view.

"Home sweet home." Varric chuckled. I saw Hawke's smile falter.

"Mother…is going to kill me." Hawke said with finality.

"I'll make sure to have Anders revive you." I chuckled. "Don't worry. You might think it's your fault but it isn't. Bethany will survive. I'll make sure to hunt down Stroud and use my people to find her." Hawke chuckled.

"Thank you. Let's go. I'm dying for a bath."

"And a hot meal." Anders said.

"Fresh clothes would be nice." I laughed. "Um...wait." Everyone looked at me. "Before we go back...about...about me and what you saw..." I hesitated.

"We'll take it to our graves Knives." Varric nodded.

"Unless you go all crazy shiny again and put us in our graves in the first place." Hawke shrugged.

"I would never do that...thank you." I said, my face flushing.

"Awww! I love you too!" Hawke hugged me close and rubbed her face against mine.

"Rein in the love there!" I laughed, pushing her away. I went up to Varric and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey!" Varric laughed. "Sorry Knives, you're not my type." I giggled.

"What about me? I've keep your secret the longest!" Anders said. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Hawke laughed as I grabbed Anders' collar and gave him a kiss on the cheek as well.

"There. Now don't say I didn't do anything for you." I laughed, his face flushing. We were in better spirits by the time we reached the gates. I'd never thought I'd be so happy to be back.

"Take the treasure back to your place Knives. I'll make sure to drop by to sell it little by little. I got to do maintenance on Bianca back in the Hanged Man. Drinks later?" Varric asked.

"Maybe not tonight." I said, yawning.

"I understand. You think I'd find my brother around here?" Varric wondered.

"If you do, I want to kick him where the sun don't shine and shove a sword up his ass." Hawke growled.

"Well let's not hope for the impossible." I laughed.

"I have to get back to my patients. I don't even know how long I've been gone. Nia, I'll come by sometime." Anders said, kissing me on top of my head. I nodded to Varric and Hawke before going up the long stairway back to Hightown. A few nobles were turning away. I haven't bathed in who knows how long. I needed a bath and to burn some of my clothes.

I found the mansion and I went in. I saw the light glow of the fire upstairs. I put the pack in the kitchen before taking out my extra clothes that weren't covered in darkspawn blood. I took off my armor, putting my gloves away to get fixed, and drew the water. I made the fire to warm it up and filled the tub to the brim with warm water.

It felt amazing to feel all the grime wash away. I groaned and moaned, feeling so good. I washed myself, twice. I came out feeling like a new person. The only thing I was able to wear was my pants. Everything else needed to get burned and all my extra clothes were in my room. I wrapped the towel around me like a cloak, feeling weird going commando. I opened the door and Fenris was down the hall.

"You're back?" Fenris said, his eyes going wide with surprise.

"Yeah." I shrugged, going past him to go to my room. He followed me.

"You were gone for almost a month."

"We hit a snag. We walked for a week, got abandoned, had to find our way back again, and-look away I'm not wearing a shirt." Fenris did and I went into my drawers, putting on my long sleeved shirt. "Bartrand betrayed us. Left us in the Deep Roads to die."

"He what!?" Fenris said, looking at me as I used the towel to dry my hair.

"Bartrand, Varric's brother, left us in the Deep Roads to die. Did he come by in the city at all?" I asked.

"No. There was no mention of him coming in the city though you should ask Aveline for that information. How did you survive?"

"Well my traveling habits were kicked in. Unlike the rest of our group that left their packs with Bartrand's group, I took my pack with me. We had enough food for the rest of us for about three days. The good thing was that the Deep Roads are always next to a water source. It wasn't easy and…we…Bethany got the blight sickness." I said, sighing and staring at the wall.

"Did she survive?"

"We don't know yet. Anders was able to use his Grey Warden sense and find more Grey Wardens. I asked them to take Bethany in their ranks and save her from the sickness…it was the only thing we could have done." Fenris shifted awkwardly on his feet. "It'll be up to her willpower to see if she survives the joining." I laid in my bed, Fenris leaning against my doorframe. We had a few minutes of silence. The expedition replaying in my head. Should I have convinced Hawke to leave her sister here? Should I have changed-? Hawke was so adamant that we had to take her.

There was no point in thinking about what ifs. What's done is done. I couldn't do anymore more than that.

"Well besides all the depressing news, I do have good news. We stuffed my pack to the brim with treasure. At least we have that going for us." I shrugged.

"That will not replace Hawke's sister." Fenris said softly.

"I know…I'm just trying to see what good we can make out of this situation." I said when my stomach growled. Fenris chuckled.

"Come. I think I owe you lunch." Fenris said. I chuckled and got up. I looked at my room.

"Welcome home." I nodded before following Fenris out.

-/-

"I knew she had to be connected to the Grey Wardens!" Cassandra said. Varric rubbed his head. "Her sister was one!"

"Yes Sunshine was a Grey Warden, big whoop, but that isn't the connection you're looking for."

"It had to have made some sense. All of these companions, Merrill, Aveline, Isabela, the princess, the Warden Anders."

"Look I already know about that, I introduced them remember?" Varric rubbed his nose. His old memories kept on coming back the more he told the story. At least some of the fonder ones were written in Nia's journal. At least he had that to read to keep his mind occupied off the fact of his interrogation.

"They had motive and reasoning to do what they did." Cassandra said.

"If you have really decided on your decision on this story, then I might as well leave."

"Not yet. There is one thing I must-" A soldier came through the door and came to talk with her. Cassandra nodded. "Stay here with him and make sure he doesn't leave." She shut the door behind her and the guard stood in between Varric and his freedom. He sighed and rubbed his face. He could go for a cold beer, especially with the sun hitting him the way it has for the past hours. It didn't matter if it was in the winter, the sun was still hot.

Varric didn't want to wait but he didn't have any choice. He grabbed the journal from the table. He noted all the erased or torn out pages from Nia's journal. He made sure to act surprised when Cassandra first showed him the journals. He knew from a while ago that Talen had asked to go through the journals.

Varric and Talen went through all of them and got rid of anything that would link Nia to seeing the future. After everything that she had gone through, it was the only thing they could have done for her to make up for not believing in her. It wouldn't make up for what they did to her though, even if she did forgive him.

Her letters weren't penned by her hand anymore.

Varric sighed and opened the journal to start reading. There wasn't anything else he could do.

9:32 Wintermarch 1st

"Happy First Day!" Merrill shouted from the table. It was a nice sentiment to gather all of us together if an awkward one. We only just came back from the Deep Roads a few days earlier and now it was a First Day. Carver was sulking in a corner and Varric had a slight bitterness in his voice as he talked to Anders, hating the fact that he couldn't find a hair of his brother. Hawke was joking around with Isabela who was also feeling the sense that something was wrong.

I sat back, thinking about everything with a cup in my hand. It was hard brandy that Isabela somehow managed to get. I would say she stole it but I wouldn't know where.

"You barely touched your drink." Aveline said.

"I try not to drink too much." I shrugged.

"Afraid that history will repeat itself kitten?" Isabela purred. I groaned and rolled my eyes, taking a sip.

"Keep away Isabela. It doesn't look like she wants to do anything with you." Aveline glared at her.

"Is that so Guard Captain?" Isabela purred as she went behind my chair and slid her arms around me.

"Isabela…" I warned.

"How did you become friends so fast?" Merrill asked. I busted out laughing.

"You think friends do this Merrill?" I said, pointing at Isabela as she rubbed her cheek on my cheek, her hands slithering down near my bosom.

"So…you aren't friends?" Merrill cocked her head.

"Friends don't stuff their tongues down each other's throats." I said flatly. Aveline spat out her drink while Varric laughed. The door opened to Varric's room and Fenris came in.

"Happy First Day!" Isabela shouted before tipping my chin and doing the thing again.

"Isabela!" I shouted, nearly jumping out of my seat, my face flushing. Isabela laughed and ran away. Aveline sighed while everyone laughed.

"Happy First Day!" Hawke said, drinking a long drought. I groaned and tried moving away before Isabela grabbed me again.

"Hey!" I laughed. Merrill giggled and hugged me as well. I started to chuckle at it all as Aveline poured a cup for Fenris. Anders shook his head at it all. Everything was good, fine, and dandy. Until Carver got up from his seat and smashed his cup on the floor.

"What is wrong with all of you!? Bethany can be dead for all we know and you are all acting like children!" Carver shouted. The laughter stopped. Merrill gave me a worried look. "You should have never taken her! Bethany didn't deserve this! She didn't deserve to get sick of the blight and die!"

"We don't know that she died Carver." Hawke said, getting up from her seat.

"Oh to the void with you! Either way Bethany is gone, dead or to the Wardens! And they don't let go of their people unless they're like that abomination!" Carver said pointing to Anders.

"Carver!" Hawke shouted.

"You should have been the one who died!" Carver pointed at Hawke.

You could hear a pin drop. Merrill was hanging onto me, shaking slightly. Carver was panting, tears running down his face. Hawke bit her lip and I saw her shake as well. Varric sighed and rubbed his head. Fenris hmphed and Aveline had a hand on her sword.

"Is that how much faith you've placed in your sister?" I said. Carver looked at me with rage in his eyes.

"You were there, you so called 'expert' in killing darkspawn! You were there and you didn't do anything!" Carver said, stomping toward me. Isabela and Merrill backed off as Carver came into my face. "Why didn't you do anything!?"

"She knew the risks Carver and yet wanted to go." I said calmly.

"And you let her die." Carver growled.

"No. We did everything we could to help her. It was either putting her out of her misery or having Bethany join the Grey Wardens. At least we gave her the chance where she could live. We did everything we could in that situation! Do you think we wanted to see her like that!? Pale, her veins visible, her hair falling out!? Don't you understand how much Hawke suffered through it all seeing her like that knowing that Bethany's only chance to survive was even one that was slim!? Stop blaming your sister for this because it could have happened to anyone!" I shouted, slowly rising out of my seat to meet Carver's glare head on. I didn't care that I only reached his shoulders. He was pushing me to my limit.

"It happened to Bethany!" Carver screamed.

"Yes! A horrible thing happened and there was always a chance! It happened! Get over it!" I yelled. Carver grabbed me by my collar and I heard chairs move as he raised his fist. I grabbed onto the arm that was holding me, as I stood on my toes, making sure he wasn't choking me. His tears were coming down in large droplets, his desperation showing in his face.

"Why Bethany?" Carver whispered, letting me go and collapsing. I sighed.

"It's the same thing I tell myself when I let one of my friends die." I confessed. Carver looked up at me. "I…had the chance in front of me…but I didn't take it." I glared at the floor.

"Nia…" Anders said.

"I let her die…I wasn't going to make that mistake again. There was a choice and we chose the one where Bethany has a chance to survive. Have faith, she'll live. She's a lot stronger than you give her credit for." I grabbed my cup and drank all of it. "Happy First Day." I said softly, getting out of the Hanged Man.

-/-

"She's right you know. You never gave Sunshine the benefit of the doubt." Varric said as he poured himself another drink. Carver wiped his eyes.

"Bethany was-" Carver started.

"Stronger than me. She always was." Hawke said softly, wiping her eyes.

"She'll get through the joining. Look at me, I survived." Anders said.

"We'll meet her again. That's for sure." Aveline said. Varric looked over to the broody elf that slid away quietly.

"Are we done with all the tears and shouting? I want to get drunk and spend my entire night at the Blooming Rose." Isabela pouted and crossed her arms. Merrill went down to Carver's level. Varric saw Anders fidget with his cup, looking at the door. Varric smirked to himself.

For all the jokes and sarcasm, Hawke hit it right on the ball with those two.

* * *

 **I know how it feels to see a valued family member waste away in front of you, not knowing whether they will pull through or not. Anyway, on a less somber note...THE TRESPASSER DLC! KYAH! 2 YEARS! QUNARI ATTACKING! I KNEW IT! AND FREAKING SOLAS COMES BACK MAN! FREAKING SOLAS! Ahem...long chapter no?**

 **Edit: Changed New Year to First Day, sorry guys!**

 **Taffy and Sweetrolls, Buggy300:** _I had a theory about lyrium but the Descent DLC proved me wrong. I only had to change how she heard it. She can hear lyrium when there's a lot but red lyrium is extremely potent and corrupting as well._  
 **EG:** _it's yamiayala dot deviantart dot com. Just replace dot with actual dots. :3  
_ **ThelonewolfNT:** _Yes, this fanfic will continue on to DAI. It's going to take a while though lol DAI is full of everything!  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Actually that angel becoming a demon thing will be touched upon later, in my own way lol Yes, Hawke is learning. She can be taught!  
_ **Ariel:** _Hoped you liked the boss battle!  
_ **Dforce76:** _I had it all planned out since the beginning. Like I said before, things will still happen and sometimes my character might not be able to change a few things because of circumstances. Her spirit plays an important role later on._

 **Please Review!**


	20. And Life Goes On

9:32 Wintermarch 1st

Sigrun.

She was my friend. She was this perky dwarf that ranted about death. She wrote two pages detailing what really happened in her life because Alistair asked her to. He explained that people would want to know about her later on in life. Especially if Sigrun became a hero.

She did.

She died.

I let her die.

I was in my room.

I admitted it.

The chance was there.

The chance was there!

And I didn't take it.

She died.

I didn't want that to happen again.

The bed was soft. I hugged my pillow. I wanted to cry but nothing came out. I cried all my tears for Sigrun months ago. I sat up against the wall.

These thoughts, these memories are crushing me. The realization that I have this power but couldn't protect one of my friends…it hurt. The demons inside of me that shares my face, reminds me constantly that it was all my fault. The corpses of the people I couldn't save blame me. I blame myself as well. I pray and I pray but no one answers. I can't forgive myself.

-/-

Varric sighed. He knew that Knives was a broken woman by the time she came to Kirkwall. Her stories were amazing and she told them with such gusto! But there were scars on her heart. Varric knew how one looks like when you let guilt eat you from the inside.

He shook his head. Her letters weren't written by her hand anymore. They seemed happy though but he knew that lies on paper sounded better than the silver words from a mouth. Varric looked at the guard. They looked at him with curiosity. He wondered if anyone of the Seeker's people are his fans.

It didn't look like Cassandra was coming back.

So he kept on reading.

-/-

9:31 Wintermarch 1st

"What are you doing?" Fenris asked, coming through the door.

"Training. I can't get to sleep." I said, my daggers in my hand. I had to concentrate. I had to focus. That was the only thing that could get those bad thoughts out of my head. I needed a goal. Laying down in my bed was only bothering me more. Thinking was bad for me. When I let my mind wander, I start to think which leads to more guilt, which leads to me being depressed. No, I need to break that cycle. I went through my stances, I controlled my breathing, I remembered everything that Nathaniel tried teaching me those weeks where all I had was darkness in my heart and sorrow in my eyes.

Fenris was leaning against the wall watching me. He was following my movements, my weapons slashing at my unknown opponent. I didn't know what time it was. It could have been early morning for all I knew. I didn't know why he didn't stay at the party. I didn't care.

Just breathe.

"Who trained you?" Fenris asked.

"My brother Eren first. He trained me in wearing medium armor, how to run with it, using it to my advantage. My friend Zevran taught me more footwork than anything, the twirl I do was mostly from him. The evading, jumping around, gymnastics thing I learned…well, drilled by Nathaniel. I was the only…normal one in the group of Grey Wardens. There was always a chance that I could get sick. Nathaniel made sure that I could evade anything. I used to smash my way through darkspawn but people are smarter. I've used my daggers more than my knuckles so far." I said, twirling my daggers. "God I hated the training at first but Nathaniel was right…prick." Fenris chuckled.

"I'm guessing you didn't have a good relationship?"

"Oh no Nathaniel is a really good friend of mine but he can be a jerk sometimes. He pushed me hard, had me go up against guys with heavy armor with shields and swords. Then face off against archers in the forests near Vigil's Keep, and of course there was Velanna…" I shivered slightly. "That was a mage I was scared of."

"A mage?" Fenris raised his eyebrow.

"Yes and a good mage so shut up. She would train me to go against mages. Everything taught me one thing; make your first attack your last. Also, if you can't defend, run for your life." I shrugged. Fenris snorted. "What? There's nothing wrong with running away when you can beat someone. It sure as hell beats being prideful and dying."

"True enough." He grabbed his greatsword and positioned himself in front of me. "But there is no point in practicing without an opponent."

"Seriously Fenris? You have spiked armor and I'm just wearing my comfort clothes." I said, waving my hands over my body.

"You think you will lose?" Fenris said, raising his eyebrow.

"No. I just don't want you to whine if I beat you." I chuckled.

"Hmph, then test your might." Fenris said, getting into his stance. I snorted and laughed. He gave me a questioning look.

"Oh sorry, um, that phrase brings back memories. Ok, I'm good." I crouched low and launched myself toward him. He did a wide slash and I jumped back. He did more slashes, quick and precise. Great swords were made to fight multiple enemies at once but even fighting one on one the weapon has long reach. One slash and I'm out. Fenris was quite strong even though he didn't look it. I thought the lyrium tattoos made his body stronger as a result.

We only had the main hall as our practice grounds so there wasn't much room to work with on my part. I bent, twirled, and evaded as much as I could. His swings were faster than the usual enemies. I twirled on the balls of my feet, evading a vertical slash, an opportunity. The point of my dagger reached his neck, touching his skin but not breaking it. I panted as well as Fenris.

"Hmph, not bad." Fenris smirked. I sheathed my daggers. I let out a sigh and panted slightly. I shifted on my feet, looking away.

"…Thank you." I said softly.

"For what?" Fenris asked. I sighed.

"This. I needed a distraction." I said. Fenris cleared his throat and we had a moment of silence.

"…Who was she?" Fenris asked softly.

"Huh?"

"The one you said you let die." Fenris said. I bit my lip, my eyes getting misty. I let out a breath and discreetly wiped away my eyes.

"…A friend. She was a dwarf we found in the Deep Roads over in Amaranthine. This…small and strong dwarf woman who was perky, pretty, and loved to talk about her death." I laughed.

"What?" Fenris said. I chuckled.

"She was part of the Legion of the Dead, dwarves that were dead in the eyes of their society, sent into the Deep Roads for their atonement for what they did." I said, getting some water and giving it to him. We sat on one of the benches. "We destroyed a broodmother's nest in the Deep Roads together and then the Warden Commander Alistair recruited her. She became a Grey Warden and was with us for our journey trying to make Amaranthine better…She died when a darkspawn army tried taking down Vigil's Keep. She accepted it though. When I reached her body, she was smiling." I chuckled. "But I was there, I saw her surrounded by those Ogres…and I couldn't do anything. I had broken a rib during the fighting. I couldn't reach her in time."

"Then it was not your fault if you were badly injured." Fenris said. I sighed. I couldn't tell him about my power. I saw how he treated Anders. I didn't want this friendship to be ruined by that.

"I still feel like I could have done something. Our eyes met before…before the Ogre grabbed her and smashed her to the ground." I still had nightmares about it. "It hurt more because Sigrun and Alistair were together. He would never admit it to my face but I think he blamed me."

"You are but one woman. You did what you could." Fenris said awkwardly. I gave him a side glance and smirked.

"…Are you comforting me Fenris?" I asked.

"It is a thank you for having patience with me on trying to teach me." Fenris said. I looked at him but he was looking at the floor. "It will not happen often." I chuckled. I yawned loudly. I got up and stretched.

"Thank you. You want anything specific tomorrow?" I asked. Fenris cupped his chin and the moonlight fell on his eyes. They were a deep dark green. They shined like marbles in the light. He looked at me and I stopped myself from staring at him.

"No."

"All right." I said, ruffling his hair. He swatted my hand and I felt a slight static shock. It tingled slightly but nothing painful.

"Good night Fenris." I said, going up to my room.

"Night."

9:32 Wintermarch 2nd

"Jesus Christ, they did what!?"

"They fought, on the ground, in the Hanged Man." Aveline said. I found her out in Lowtown, going through a round in the morning. "Carver had too much to drink and went on a rant against his sister, again. Amazingly they only used their fists and Hawke didn't summon any fireballs." The sack of what I needed for the dinner was being carried by her. "Luckily Merrill was being escorted by Isabela back home. Only Varric had to deal with them."

"I could only imagine how that went!" I laughed.

"Are you all right? You were very emotional last night." Aveline asked. I groaned as we came to the stair case toward Hightown.

"I'm still trying to deal with my darker side. Seeing Carver like that, blaming us just got me riled up. It wasn't fair to Hawke. He lost a sister but Hawke lost her as well. They should be grieving together not fighting. Besides, I have faith that she'll pull through."

"You're not the only one with the faith that she'll pull through. Here." Aveline said, giving me my pack. "Come by the barracks. It seems that your mail got delivered to me by mistake."

"Nathaniel finally responded! Yes!" I pumped my fist in the air. Aveline chuckled.

"See you around Nia." Aveline nodded. I sang softly while going back up to Hightown. My mail came! I went inside and hummed to myself. Fenris was training in the main room again.

"Fenris guess what! I got response from my friend back in Amaranthine." I giggled.

"When did you write to him?"

"Almost two months ago. He better have a good reason why he took so long to write back. Anyway, I'll go make the soup right now." I made it rather quickly since it was such a simple soup. As soon as I was done, I went off to the barracks to meet with Aveline. I came into her office as she was going through papers.

"Here are your letters and they also sent this. It's very heavy and unlike anything I've ever seen before." Aveline said, putting my chest in front of me. I practically squealed.

"Thank you Aveline!" I giggled and hugged her. "This is the best!"

"What is in it?" Aveline gave me a humorous glance.

"That's a secret." I winked at her and she chuckled. "Anyway, thank you for all of this. I'll head home then." I said.

"Keep an ear out. It seems that Leandra was causing a ruckus over with the Viscount earlier." Aveline chuckled.

"She got her appointment in then?" I wondered. Aveline chuckled.

"I don't know if it would be called an appointment, more like a shouting match. The Amells have been looked down upon since their family produced many mages. I heard about one being sent over to the Circle in Ferelden. I wonder if they're still there." Aveline said. I shrugged.

"I wouldn't know. I didn't spend too long there to get acquainted with anyone. Anyway, happy hunting Guard Captain." I saluted her. Aveline chuckled and shook her head. I got my things and went down the stairs of the Viscount's office. I passed the Chantry where the Sisters were saying the chant. I saw another man among them. He had red hair and his attire wasn't one of the Chantry besides his belt buckle that bore the resemblance of Andraste.

Sebastian.

He noticed me as I stopped and listened to the Chant. I didn't stay too long. I hurried back to the mansion. The chest was already slipping from my hands by the time I got there. The damn thing was heavy. I opened the door and put it down on the floor for a minute. I saw the bundle of letters and found a few from everyone. Oghren, Velanna, Nathaniel, Alistair, Anora all wrote to me.

There was a warm feeling in my body as I looked over their writing to me. Every one wrote to me. It made me feel better. I grabbed the chest and went to my room. Fenris noticed me with my chest and followed me.

"I am guessing those are the correspondence from your friend?"

"Not just my friend but everyone else and this!" I said, presenting my chest with flair. Fenris stared at me. I cleared my throat and feeling my face flush in embarrassment.

"It is a chest. A very odd one at that. It could sell for a price." Fenris shrugged.

"It's not for sale especially from what's inside. Come here!" I grabbed his arm and pushed him down next to me, ignoring the slight shocks and the tension from him.

"You better have a good reason for this." He glared at me.

"You'll see." I checked the sides before finding the button. It drew blood and I winced, taking my finger and sucking on it before the chest opened. I took off the top and Fenris' eyes grew big.

"That…is a lot of gold." Fenris said. I groaned.

"Aww that's it? I was hoping for a gasp or shock and awe thing." I said with disappointment.

"I have seen much in my life. Nothing surprises me." Fenris shrugged.

"Say that again after you've fought against your first High Dragon. That's when you've seen everything." I laughed.

"What are you going to do with all of this anyway?"

"Well, I'm going to fix some of the house and get a desk. Afterward? We'll see." I giggled. "Now you go out. I have some private letters to read."

"You just wanted to flaunt your excess." Fenris rolled his eyes.

"Maybe." I giggled. I closed the door and went to my letters. I read through all of them. Nathaniel got mad at me for disappearing so suddenly. He thought I had died. The reason why he didn't reply so quickly was to teach me a lesson. Prick. Velanna was nearly the same. Oghren wanted to know if the Free Marches had any good alcohol. Alistair's was all worry. He even said that he might visit me sometime. Anora wanted to make sure I didn't do anything that would sully the royal name. Eren made sure that I would visit my nephew and niece soon.

At least after all of this I have my friends.

9:32 Wintermarch 23rd

"What did I tell you?" I said, looking at Carver who has Bethany's letter from the Grey Wardens. He scowled at me and Hawke laughed.

"You just can't say it can you? Well at least you said it to me and that's all that's important." Hawke chuckled.

"Carver." Leandra stressed, hovering over him. He scowled deeper.

"I apologize for my behavior." He mumbled.

"What was that dear brother? 'I'm so sorry for being an ass and disrespecting you? How I would love to kiss your boots in repentance?'" Hawke said, leaning her ear to him.

"That isn't what-!" Carver started. I laughed.

"Leave him alone Hawke. Apology accepted, just one thing…" I grabbed Carver's front of his shirt and hoisted him up from his chair. "Try threatening me again and we'll see how long your manhood lasts." My voice lowering. Hawke thought it was a riot while Fenris, who was sitting against the wall, snorted. Carver paled.

"Now, now, enough with the games. Nia, I would like to congratulate you for choosing your place in Hightown." Leandra said as I went back to my chair.

"What place?" Fenris said.

"I bought the mansion we lived in so technically, you're rooming with me." I chuckled.

"And you were going to tell me this when?" Fenris wondered.

"Now apparently." I mumbled. "Thank you Leandra. I heard about your…appointments with the Viscount."

"That man will break, mark my words." Leandra chuckled darkly.

"Hopefully with money because we're starting to gain not a bad amount due to the treasure." Hawke giggled.

"How can we trust that Nia will protect it all?" Carver said. I gave him a flat look.

"Do you really trust me that little?" I asked.

"She has no use for money." Fenris said.

"And there you have it." I chuckled. "Anyway, we should get going. I need to stop by to see Merrill to see if she would want some food later on or not."

"Why not open something if you're planning on feeding everyone?" Carver wondered.

"I would be a terrible manager. I'm no good in positions of power." I shrugged.

"Wait." Leandra said, going into their room. She came out with two cloaks. She gave one to Fenris and one to me. "I made these with what Hawke gathered. You two should be careful in this cold. I don't want you two getting sick." She smoothed out my collar while Fenris handled his own cloak. My face heated up.

"You're getting red!" Hawke laughed.

"Shush!" I said. Leandra put it on me. It was a black cloak that was slightly plush. Fenris chuckled at me as my face got redder as she patted my head.

"There, now you two can go." Leandra said.

"Thank you." Fenris said as we both went out. I felt the cold hit me immediately. There wasn't much snow but it was so cold. My breath came out in wisps as Fenris and I went back to Hightown.

"So…you bought the mansion?" Fenris wondered.

"Aveline came to me saying that killing the former owner doesn't qualify you to own it so I bought it fair and square. That way not a lot of guards come by. Aveline said that Viscount Dumar was surprised when he learned that I settled in." I said.

"Why?"

"Princess of Ferelden remember?"

"Hard to remember actually considering how you are." Fenris chuckled.

"If that was an insult Fenris I'm not going to let up the next time we train."

"Good." Fenris said. I slapped his back and ran away laughing. "You are annoying."

"I try." I giggled. When we came to the door of the mansion, Isabela was leaning against the front door,shivering.

"Oh…I was…wondering…when…you'd come."

"Shit, Isabela…you're freezing! Come on." She laughed weakly as I pulled her inside. It was hard to tell when she was pale because of her dark skin but it was plain to see this time. Her clothes were wet as I dragged her inside. "What the hell happened?" I grabbed a towel and I dried her hair that had frost in it.

"I…had a contact but…it wasn't…he didn't give me anything…he…threw me in the harbor…"

"In the middle of winter? You were at the docks and you came straight here?" Fenris wondered.

"I know…right…?" She chuckled softly.

"Then this isn't going to do anything. Fenris, grab a pot, mix half a cup of rice with three cups of milk…well go!" I shooed him. Fenris went to the kitchen while I led Isabela to my room. "Take off your clothes."

"Well…aren't you-"

"I'm serious Isabela." I looked through my drawers as I heard clothes fall to the floor. I found a few large tunics I got for myself. I looked over and she took off everything. I gave her the tunic before looking for the leggings. After she put them on, I got the cover from my bed and put it around her. I grabbed her hand and led her to Fenris' room. I groaned when I saw the state of it. It was the only room that was messy as hell. "Sit here in front of the fire, dry your hair with this."

I went down to the kitchen and Fenris was stirring what I asked him to. I grabbed the sugar and pour some in along with a few sticks of cinnamon. The fire was roaring and I stirred fast to make sure the rice at the bottom didn't burn.

"What is this?" Fenris asked.

"Arroz con leche."

"What?"

"Just…it's something that's warm and good. Go upstairs, keep Isabela company." I said, stirring the pot.

"Joy." Fenris said flatly.

"Do it Fenris." I said. He humphed away while I checked on the rice. Once it was done, I poured it in a cup with a spoon. I went upstairs and I saw Isabela near the fireplace on the ground, Fenris in his seat looking over the cards I made him with words. "Here Isabela." She sniffed at it and made a sound of pleasure.

"This smells delicious." She moaned in happiness once she took a spoonful.

"God can you not do that?" I shook my head.

"It's good! And warm." Isabela giggled.

"Let me see." I said, going down to her level and putting her hand on her neck and face. "You're getting warmer. Let me see your hand…" I pinched her fingers and they weren't blue anymore, blood was moving in and warming it. Isabela chuckled softly.

"It has…been a while since someone fretted over me." She said sheepishly.

"Well you swam in the harbor in the middle of winter then walked all the way to Hightown, still wet, and waited for who knows how long! I should be really angry at you right now! That was stupid! You should know better! What if you got hypothermia!? You could have lost your fingers or toes or-Wah!" Isabela chuckled as she hugged me tight.

"Thank you Kitten for looking out for me." She purred in my neck.

"Yeah well, someone has to do it right?" I said, trying to push her slightly away, my face getting red.

"I'll make sure to repay you handsomely later…" She lightly kissed my neck.

"How about you just take care of yourself and that would be repayment enough?" I said.

"We can bring in Fenris if you want. He's no Zevran but-" Isabela started.

"No!" I felt Isabela laughed as I leaned into her and she wrapped the cover around me. She ate the aros con leche silently. I felt the need then. It's been so long since I've had someone physically near me like this. I was always physical with my husband, always touching him, grabbing his hand, leaning against him while we sat together. That want for physical reassurance was the only reason why I let Isabela do her things.

"Fenris, why don't you come down here and join us?" Isabela said.

"Isabela…" I shook my head.

"What? The covers are large enough." She shifted slightly.

"No thank you." Fenris said gruffly. Isabela laughed.

"He wouldn't be able to resist both of us." She said in my ear.

"Ok now I know you're feeling better because you're hitting on both of us again." I said. Isabela chuckled and wrapped her arms around me.

"Thank you." She said softly. I rubbed my face as I felt my face flush.

"You're welcome."

9:32 Guardian 5th

I paid the herbalist that Hawke helped earlier on for the spindleweed and Elfroot. Anders had told me that he had little stores of it. As much as his patients were helping him gather, there were times when the land was barren. It wasn't his fault. I saw Keran with the other group of Templars around before I bumped into someone.

"Sorry, oh hey Cullen." I waved.

"Knight Captain if you'd please." Cullen corrected me. I rolled my eyes. He was standing at attention, looking over the gallows.

"Knight Captain. I see you're doing a fine job today." I rolled my eyes. He snorted.

"Not much to do. At least the cold is letting up, for once."

"I can only imagine how cold this armor gets." I said, knocking my hand into it. There was a slight shock from it. "Is it enchanted?"

"Yes to ward off all manners of magic. All armors are like this once you become a full Templar." Cullen explained it to me. "It is resistance against all trees of primal and grants me some resistance to mind control." His eyes hardened with that.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"That…we didn't get to the circle fast enough." I shifted on my feet awkwardly. Cullen chuckled darkly.

"I doubt you and the Grey Wardens would have been able to make much of a difference. That experience reminded me how dangerous mages are. A perspective that I can't change in you." Cullen glared at me.

"We always have this conversation when I come here. Mages are people." I sighed.

"They are not, they are more like weapons that need to be held in control at all times."

"And that's your opinion and you're entitled to it."

"It is a fact." Cullen urged.

"And so the continued cycle of us disagreeing continues." I chuckled.

"Either way, at least your friends aren't causing much of a ruckus and for that I'm grateful." Cullen sighed.

"We have our moments. Anyway, try to keep warm. I might stop by later on in the week."

"Then don't mind me. I'm not here to amuse you." He rolled his eyes.

"You do anyway." I chuckled. I got on the boat with the supplies and headed back into the city. I made small talk with the rower before heading out to Darktown. The cold made it more comfortable since all the things that were down here weren't rotting. I had to make sure to keep my armor and daggers at hand due to the fact I almost got robbed the last time I was here. The gang that tried to survived with less dignity.

I saw the lanterns and smiled. Nathaniel couldn't believe that I found Anders here. Nathaniel told me that he was still cross with him but to treat Anders well. I knocked on the door. Anders opened it and he gave me a warm smile.

"Come in. Are you cold? I should have some tea around here."

"That would be nice except that I hate tea remember?"

"O-Oh of course. I forgot." Anders said, rubbing his eyes.

"Have you been sleeping or resting?"

"There has been many patients that have been coming here with sickness due to the cold." Anders let me in. I shook my head and led Anders to a seat.

"Here. I got you the things you requested." I said, giving him the bag of herbs.

"Thank you. What would I do without you Nia?" He chucked.

"Overwork yourself to death? Starve? Get eaten by a pack of wild rats?" I listed off. Anders chuckled. I patted his head. His eyes had bags and his cheekbones were becoming prominent. I chuckled as I felt how scruffy his face felt.

"You need to eat Anders. Come on by to my house. I'll make sure you're well fed." I said. He gave me a groan.

"Not if Fenris is there." Anders whined. I sighed.

"You two are not so different."

"We are completely different!" He snapped. I gave him a look before he sighed and calmed down. "I'm sorry but I do not like him. I especially don't like the fact you're living with him."

"How many times are we going to go through this Anders? I trust Fenris, why can't you?" I asked. Anders got up from where he was sitting and paced.

"He hates mages with a passion when he doesn't realize that we're nearly in the same situation he was in a few years prior. We're slaves to the Chantry, to the Circles! Our lives decided by the time we're children all because of the way we were born! Ripped away and forced to live where we are constantly watched, constantly made sure that the Templars would kill us if we ever show signs of rebellion, and the constant threat of tranquility…I've begun to hear about how the Divine is going to take the offer of the free Circle in Ferelden and make it part of the Chantry again." Anders clenched and unclenched his fists.

"What? Talen hasn't told me anything." I said.

"A few of my contacts have told me about it. The Divine didn't agree to it but Queen Anora insisted that it remains free. Talen is fighting a losing battle. The Circle at Kinloch Hold is going to be taken again. It was…a nice idea but in order for us to truly be free, the Circles must be abolished." Anders said.

"Or they could be like Talen's Circle. You can't force these issues Anders or else people's lives will be at stake." I said, touching his arm. He gave me a long look before sighing and rubbing his face. "Come on, you need rest." I heard a knock from the door. He took my hand and squeezed it.

"Not yet. I can't leave these people. You should get going." Anders said. I sighed. It was going to take a lot of convincing on my part to-.

I hope it'll be enough.

9:34 Guardian 17th

"Haaaaah! It's going to take some time before we go back to the estate." Hawke mumbled.

"It's only been two months, give it time. Patience is a virtue." I said, cleaning up the dishes from what I served.

"I'm not the most patient person in Thedas." She said, leaning against the counter next to me.

"I noticed." I chuckled.

"You have it lucky being in here though." Hawke sighed.

"It's something I don't take for granted." I snuffed out the flame and saw Hawke flinch. "I have a question, why don't you like fire?"

"What?"

"Every single time I see you cast an elemental fire spell, you always have this look of terror on your face."

"Oh…it's that bad huh?" She chuckled sheepishly. I sat next to her on the bench and waited. "You have heard of those stories of how mage children find out their power?"

"Did you burn a barn down?" I asked.

"No…We were living in a farm, not yet Lothering. Carver and Bethany were out playing and I was helping out my father in the field. I was…ten I believe. I snuck out from the fields out into the woods near our farm. I thought about exploring the Korcari Wilds and making myself be an adventurer…I got captured that day." She said, fidgeting with her bracers.

"There were bandits that far?"

"Slavers."

"Oh."

"They came from Gwaren. They took me and put me inside an old abandoned mining cave like the ones we have around the Storm Coast. I hoped that my father would find me. Then one of them started to get grabby." She sighed.

"Hawke you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to." I said.

"No you asked for an explanation and I'm giving you one. Well he started to get grabby and I…I used my first spell and killed him! It was a fire spell mind you. He went up in flames and it gave me a chance to escape but…ten years old and killing a man? It stays with you." Hawke said. She tried to joke about it but I knew that it still hurt her.

"That's why you don't use any fire spells at all." I said.

"The irony is that from what my father tested us, fire spells come naturally to me." Hawke chuckled. I regretted asking.

"…That sucks." I finally said. Hawke laughed.

"Don't worry about it. Look, I'm good at other spells and I only use my fire spells when it's our last resort." Hawke shrugged.

"Hey is that why you haven't gotten interested in anyone?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"Well you're always joking about me being with others but what about you?" I wondered.

"Oh no, I don't have sex with friends. I'm a semi-regular in the Blooming Rose." Hawke giggled.

"…I'll never look at you in the same way Hawke." I shook my head.

* * *

 **So from here on out it will be a mesh of Nia's life during the 3 years before Act 2 and some minor quests from DAO like witch hunt! It might not all be chronological, kinda jumps around, you'll see what I mean.**

 **Shout out to NiCombust and Densho for following!**

 **Undeadhero143:** _There will be an Inquisitor but I can't spoil more than that :3_  
 **Buggy300:** _I answered that it was Talen but not Varric as well. Yes Qunari attacking! 3 more days! :D  
_ **Noswald:** _Yes it was Talen and Varric. They know...a few things. Can't spoil that. Oh there is a reason why Carver hasn't been templar-fied.  
_ **Taffy and Sweetrolls:** _fanfiction . net don't really like urls. That's why I said dot.  
_ **Ariel:** _Boss battles take longer in games because of health bars, not so much in real combat.  
_ **EG:** _I have a few things to tell Solas as well, once I get to that point.  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Maybe there is a ship...I don't like Carver but I understand where he's coming from. He reminds me of my own brother except angrier._  
 **Dforce76:** _Yes! You picked up on the foreshadowing! Love you!_

 **Please Review!**


	21. The Missing Pages part 1

9:32 Wintermarch 13th

It was a slow day other than I visited Lirene's Imports.

I cleaned the house as usual and went out. I had the cloak around me. Another fresh layer of snow blanketed the manors and estates in Hightown. I had other plans than to go around and linger here.

I went down the stairs and went through the streets, alleys, and bridges to go to Lowtown. I saw Lirene's Imports and went inside. There were a few guards around the donation box and a line of people asking for help. I got the coin purse from my chests and tossed it in. It was filled with 50 gold pieces. They would be able to use this for a good purpose.

"Hello Lirene." I greeted. She looked at me, up and down, before settling into recognition.

"You are the one that came in looking for Anders a few weeks ago."

"Yes I am. I was wondering if you need anything to supply the refugees." I offered. She gave me a raised eyebrow. "I'm serious."

"We are doing what we can to supply them with clothes, linens, blankets, anything to stave away the cold as well as any sort of cold balms to ward off frostbite. If you know of anyone that can also provide some food, I would be grateful."

"You should look in your donation box then. I put something in that might help you." I said, going out. She was going to have a fine surprise. I went over to the Harrowmont's store. They were the only ones that had fresh produce from the underground farms.

"Good Afternoon your highness. Are you here to do some shopping?" Hilda asked.

"Not today. Actually I was wondering if you had any food that might be close to expiring that I can buy."

"We have a few bundles." Renvil said coming in.

"Can I buy them?"

"Of course your highness, but what are you going to do?" Hilda asked.

"I'm giving it to the needy over at Lirene's imports." They gave me the bundle of produce and I went through the streets back to Lirene's. When I went back in there, she gave me a look of shock and all the refugees came to look at the produce.

"Hey! One at a time!" Lirene shouted. I came by and gave her the food.

"I hope this helps." I said.

"May I ask who you are to give such a…gracious donation?" Lirene asked.

"I'm Nia Cousland."

"The princess!?"

"Your highness!" The crowd gathered around me showering me with praises and recognition. It was eye opening. Lirene got me out and we were in a private room.

"I am so sorry your highness, I didn't mean-" She started. I laughed.

"Don't worry. I'm not used to all this attention but it was an experience." I chuckled.

"I am glad for your donation and as well as the food you provided us."

"I know a few simple stews and soups you can make with that to feed everyone. I was thinking of maybe having a few set dates we can make to feed them." I explained. Lirene looked at me confused.

"Why are you doing this? Shouldn't you be in Denerim with King Eren?" She asked.

"I don't have power like a normal princess but I can still do good if I wanted to. Now about the dates for a soup kitchen." I suggested.

"Oh yes. We should be able to do them at least weekly, as long as we get in food like this." Lirene said, taking out a small calendar near her desk. We decided on a few schedule dates that would start in two weeks.

"I'll see if I can also get a few near expired items from other shops as well." I said.

"The Maker surely sent you as a blessing your highness." Lirene said sincerely. I chuckled.

"I wouldn't go that far." I just had too much money and time on me.

I guess I was also doing this to ease some of my guilty conscious as well. I've taken so many lives. If I can save as many lives as I've killed, then the immense guilt might ease. I'm not as good as I can be but I'm trying and trying is something I guess.

9:32 Guardian 7th

"All right, now this one." I said, giving Fenris another book for him to practice on.

"Do I really have to read this out loud? It is a children's book." Fenris whined.

"We all have to start somewhere Fenris. Come on." I said. Fenris and I were in his room with the fireplace going. I was bundled up in a blanket with some warm herbal tea.

"The…armies of Andraste…" He started. I listened to him as he read Andraste and the Wyvern.

"P…per…perfectly…re…reflecting…"

"You're starting to get it now." I nodded, sipping at my tea.

"You do well by showing me patience." Fenris chuckled. I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"Patience is a virtue Fenris. It's a good thing to have. If I wasn't patient, I wouldn't have the talent to cook. A lot of it is waiting. Continue." The way he read was broken and slow but once he had the idea of the word, he read on.

"At this, the…beast nodded once in…a…a…" Fenris growled.

"Remember your alphabet Fenris. Spell the word."

"A…c…k…n…Acknowledgement and then v…vanished as s…swiftly as it had…appeared." Fenris sighed and closed the book. "That was…embarrassing." He rubbed his face and I noticed it was slightly flushed. I chuckled.

"No one learns to read in a few days Fenris. I'm surprised actually with your progress. Slow but steady." I said, finishing my cup. I got up to put away my cup and tried to ruffle his hair, but he grabbed my wrist and glared at me.

"Don't touch me."

"Fenris you're going to have to get used to it eventually." I said.

"I do not have to." He said, squeezing my wrist.

"Yes you do. I'm a very physical person. I like touching. Don't give me that look." I said, trying to tug my wrist away.

"I do not like to be touched." He said, releasing my wrist. I rubbed it.

"Why?" I asked. I already knew the answer. That didn't mean that I couldn't hear it from him. It would do him good trying to talk it out. I was patient. Fenris kept quiet. I put the cup on the table and crouched in front of him. He looked away.

"Are you going to sit there and stare at me again?" Fenris said.

"Yes." I giggled.

"Hmph." He looked away.

"Fenris we've been living with each other for…four months. I've had your back when Hawke decided to go on her jobs and stuff. Can't you at least answer me this one question?" I hummed. Fenris stayed quiet before he sighed again.

"The lyrium markings hurt. They throb with pain constantly. It gets worse when someone touches them or I touch something." Fenris mumbled.

"But they're not on your skull are they?" I said. He had to think about it.

"…No."

"Then?" I urged.

"I do not like being touched." Fenris finally stared at me.

"You let me poke you from time to time." I shrugged.

"That is an annoyance as well." Fenris huffed. I frowned at him, got up, got my cup, and headed toward the kitchen. I washed out my cup. This was another project that I had to work on. Fenris hated being touched. I like touching. It would be better for him if he got used to it.

It was a work in progress.

9:32 Guardian 12th

"And then of course, Uldred had to monologue. Monologue! So Leliana got her arrow and woosh it went! Got him right here below the shoulder blade. Then, of course him being an evil mage, turned into an enormous pride demon!" I explained. Everyone was at the mansion again. I had cleaned out the dining room earlier and was able to afford a decently carved dinner table and chairs.

"You mean the ones with the spikes and multiple eyes?" Isabela wondered.

"You've seen one?" Carver asked.

"I've heard a few accounts." Isabela shrugged.

"It would be hard to hug a pride demon wouldn't it? It would be just like hugging Fenris." Merrill giggled.

"Do not get in line then." Fenris huffed.

"What next Knives?" Varric asked.

"We fought, well the Grey Wardens and the rest fought Uldred. I stayed behind along with Talen who kept on chanting the Litany of Adralla to ward off forced possession by Uldred. I had to fight against a few abominations that sneaked toward us. Then Uldred grabbed onto Eren! I was so furious! Derek and Sten made him kneel and he let Eren go. So I got my dagger and plunged it into his eye, deeper and deeper, until I killed him." I ended.

"And you said that the Knight Captain was there for all of this?" Aveline asked. I shook my head.

"He wasn't there for the final fight. He was stuck in that purple energy cage for who knows how long. Once Uldred died, Cullen was free. While we were escorting the rest of the mages down to the lower levels, he had the audacity to get a longsword to kill all of them." I said, taking a drink to wet my dry throat.

"He should have. Those mages were tortured." Fenris said.

"They could have been innocent!" Anders countered.

"Or have demons lying in wait." Fenris glared at him.

"Guys come on I'm telling the story."

"Yes please you two. She does not want you to come to blows for her hand." Hawke laughed.

"Yes, thank you very much for that Hawke." I rolled my eyes. "I grabbed his arm that held the weapon and I told him, 'No more fighting.' I didn't want any more bloodshed. He wasn't too enthusiastic of course. He tried to convince Knight Commander Greagoir to still kill the mages but Greagoir accepted Irving's assurance that everything was ok."

"That I'm surprised. Greagoir seemed so uptight, strict, by the book!" Anders said.

"That or you just didn't know him that well Anders." I shrugged.

"Damn, demons, undead, more demons, and blood mages. What haven't you fought against Knives?" Varric asked.

"Hmm…" I stroke my chin.

"Look she even has to think about it!" Carver laughed.

"A High Dragon?" Aveline said.

"Did that."

"Revenant?" Merrill wondered.

"Did that one too."

"Wyvern?" Isabela asked. I snapped my fingers.

"Damn, too bad there aren't any wild wyverns in Ferelden." Everyone laughed.

"I think you'll get the chance one day. Come on Carver, Varric, we still need to collect the money from the artifacts!" Hawke said, getting up from her chair.

"I have to go through the rosters." Aveline nodded at me.

"I have a few things I have to…do…myself." Isabela chuckled.

"You mean people you have to do." Aveline glared at her. Isabela winked at her.

"Of course. What better way to end the day then getting hammered like a nail." She purred.

"Oh God Isabela, the imagery!" I nearly slammed my forehead against the table. She laughed.

"You are a tease kitten." She said, running her finger down my cheek. I leaned away from her.

"Aren't you supposed to be careful when hammering?" Merrill asked.

"That's not…" Carver laughed.

"Oh!"

"Never change Daisy." Varric laughed.

"Take care of yourself Nia. I left the seeds for the Elfroot in the kitchen." Anders said. I nodded and showed everyone out.

"Thanks Anders. Bye guys!" I sighed contently as everyone left. I felt that heavy depression weaken with each passing day. Sometimes I get reminded of the future and everything that will happen and the day grows grey. My friends, my focus, my future is the only thing that's keeping me afloat. It's getting easier though.

I went back into the dining room and Fenris was gone. I sighed and started to pick up all the dishes. I hummed a song while doing it. Cooking for everyone was a chore but to see everyone compliment it made me feel ten times better. I sloshed the dishes in the soapy water and sang. It was in the comfort of my own home.

Home. This was home.

I rinsed all the dishes and cups. I went over to the cupboards and put them away.

"Ah." A few didn't fit in the cupboard that was lowest. I stood on my tip toes but I couldn't reach the second shelf. I growled as I stared at the few cups that were still on the kitchen table. I ran my hand through my hair and gave up.

"You are short." I got startled and turned toward the doorway. Fenris was leaning against it again.

"Brilliant observation Captain Obvious." I rolled my eyes.

"Aren't humans supposed to be taller than elves? You are shorter than I." Fenris smirked.

"Shush!" I said. Fenris chuckled and put away the cups. I drained the water and washed the sink.

"Why do you support mages even though you saw what happened in the Circle in Ferelden?"

"I don't support mages. I support that they should have some freedoms. Ah! Don't even get started Fenris. We've gone through this before. I'm not arguing this topic with you again. I swear what's with you and Anders trying to convince me to go on either side?" I shook my head.

"There can be no in between. You either support mages or you do not." Fenris said.

"Well I'm a neutral party that wants the best of both worlds." I shrugged.

"That is a naïve way of thinking." He glared.

"No it's hopeful one." I said, drying my hands.

"You have seen the horrors."

"Yes I have."

"You have killed blood mages." Fenris urged.

"Big whoop. There is one thing you're not getting Fenris." I said, poking his chest but he grabbed my wrist and lightly squeezed. "There are good mages and there are bad Templars. Nothing in this world is so purely black and white. There is a shit ton of grey that you're not looking at. That's all I do though. I see both sides, not just one. I've been saved by a blood mage before Fenris. I've been attacked by Templars. There are bad mages like Danarius and there are really good Templars like Cullen as well. I've always kept an open mind even with races. You don't see me calling you a knife-ear do you?" Fenris glared at me while keeping a firm grip on my wrist.

He has deep emerald eyes. They would look better if they weren't glaring at me.

"I do not understand you sometimes." Fenris sighed.

"That's ok. I sometimes don't understand myself." I chuckled. His grip weakened and I took my wrist back. I rubbed it slightly. "Come on. Let's go practice some more." I said, going to get my weapons. Fenris sighed and got his own greatsword. I smirked as we took our places. I let that go as I focused on him.

He couldn't help but smirk at me as well as we began our daily training.

9:32 Guardian 28th

I carried around my bucket and towels, going through all the rooms and cleaning as much as I could. My box of junk was taken by Hawke a few days ago. Apparently she knew who to sell it to. All I cared about was that it was out of my home. I liked days like these the best. As much as I felt that assurance going out with Hawke and Aveline out to take care of bandits and other bad people, I preferred the slow days.

"To all of my children…" I sang as I used a cloth to wipe away at the windows. I heard clunk and I saw Fenris walking down the hallway with another bottle of wine in his hand. I rolled my eyes. He can live in his dirty room for all I cared.

I went through room after room, sweeping, dusting, wiping, anything to make it clean. I'm not a clean freak and, truthfully, my room is a bunch of clothes and papers everywhere. I just took pride that this was my home. It made sense in my head.

I dumped out the dirty water and wiped at my brow. The end of the month was coming. It was going to be Drakonis soon. The end of winter and the beginning of spring. I loved the cold though but seeing the budding trees outside of the house was beautiful.

It made me wish that I was still in Ferelden. Everyone said that the country was so brown but it was breathtaking during spring. The green grass, the trees, the flowers! I found a lot of Andraste's Grace out in the fields.

Speaking of which I recently got a letter from Leliana. She was surprised to hear about my sudden move over to Kirkwall. She also told me about her battle with her faith and how Mother Dorothea was helping her as well as Talen. They seem to be well off with each other. Talen's letter explained that he's worried for her in Val Royeaux.

It must be nice to be head over heels for each other.

Ok I was slightly envious…

I hummed another song as I swept the stairs. I flicked away a spider and I saw Fenris drinking alone in his room. He rarely closed the door. I swept outside of his door and peered inside. Piles of clothes everywhere, glass on the floor, his damn dresser was still broken to one side. It made me want to go in there and clean but I had to respect his privacy.

I went down and took a look at all my work and nodded. I felt a surge of pride. I did this all by myself without anyone needing to tell me! Take that Ma!

I heard the bottle break upstairs.

"Fenris what did I tell you about the bottle smashing!?"

9:32 Drakonis 1st

"Wait what? You want me to go and kick your men in the balls on purpose?"

"Not that exactly but your fighting style is very varied and I want to have the men to have a chance to fight against you." Aveline explained. I had found her during one of her shifts outside of Lowtown.

"I don't know Aveline. I fight pretty dirty." I said, not really trusting myself on accidentally harming them.

"That's what I want them to experience. The bandits, thugs, carta, gangs, and coterie are all non-professionals. They are not real challenges." Aveline explained.

"I've heard that you still put them through the ringer with your own drills." I said.

"True but I need someone like you on my side as well. You have experience that no one else has. A fight against you would test their limits." Aveline said. She had this glow to her. It made it hard to say no.

"Sure. I want my days to be full of something besides making food, cleaning, having you and Hawke take me out, and getting mad at Fenris." I chuckled.

"Are you and he living well together? If he does anything to hurt you-" Aveline warned.

"Oh trust me if he ever did try, I'd hurt him back. Anyway, I need to go see Anders. Happy hunting Aveline." I saluted her.

"Nia, oh and do me a favor. Please try to convince Fenris to agree to training as well." Aveline gave me a puppy dog look.

"I won't make any promises." I laughed.

I decided to take the scenic route to the Darktown lifts. As I went through the alleyways I heard a little girl crying. I looked around and there wasn't anyone near me. I followed the sound. I went past the alleyways to a small dead end. There was a little girl surrounded by a group of thugs. They were laughing at her menacingly. I felt that rage inside me wanted to burst open. No one messes with kids around me. No. One.

"Hey!" I shouted. They all looked back at me. "Leave her alone!"

"What are you going to do about it bitch?"

"Well…you asked." I said. There was no one around me. I touched that power inside. I felt it grow inside of me. I sprinted toward them and grabbed the guy that talked to me. I threw him over me out of the alleyway. The other two taking out their weapons. I smashed the closest one's face into the wall. I heard a crunch as the force crushed his cheek. The last guy lunged but a well-timed twirl put me behind him. I grabbed him by the scruff before throwing him against the wall. He passed out on the ground. All three were groaning.

I saw the girl behind me. She yelped as I saw her and I crouched low. She was sobbing uncontrollably, her little frame shaking. Her deep blue eyes looked at me with terror and her blonde hair was sticking to her face due to the sweat and tears.

"Shhh…I'm not here to hurt you. Where are your parents?" I said in a calm voice. I reached out my hand. She ran toward me and hugged me tight. I noticed her ears and figured she lived in the alienage. I sighed and went back out to Lowtown. Aveline was still at her post.

"Aveline." I walked over to her, the girl clinging tightly.

"Nia? What…who is she?" She asked.

"She's a little girl that got caught in a dead end with some thugs. They're still passed out on the ground in case you want to go and gather them up. I'd rather you do that so they won't do this again." I explained. Aveline sighed.

"Thank you Nia. Go take her home."

"On it." I said. I passed by the people with glaring eyes and curious glances. I walked down the steps toward the Alienage. The few elves that were out were glaring at me before I saw a woman that was looking to and fro.

"Seriel? Seriel!?"

"Ma!" The girl yelled from my arms. The woman ran up and I put the girl down. The woman hugged her with all her might.

"Oh Seriel! Don't you ever run off on me again!" She scolded.

"I'm sorry Mama!" The woman looked at me. She had the same blonde hair but hazel eyes instead.

"Where did you find her?" She asked.

"She was cornered in a dead end by some thugs. I got rid of them though." I said.

"Thank you messere!"

"If I may ask, why wasn't she with you during the day?" The woman wiped her eyes as Seriel calmed down.

"I work as a servant for one of the nobles in Hightown. It's not much but…her father died in the Bone Pits. I've been trying to scrap by since." She explained. The little girl looked at me with those big, innocent, blue eyes. I sighed and pulled some silvers from my coin purse.

"Here. It may not be much but please take care of yourselves. There are a lot of bad people in the city." I said. The woman looked at me skeptically before her daughter took the money.

"Thank you lady. My mom says that humans are mean sometimes…but you're nice." Seriel said. The mother looked at me with fearful eyes but I smiled.

"Thank you. Please be safe, both of you." I got out of there before the tensions between me and the other city elves became too much. I won some respect by killing that serial killer but that didn't change everyone's minds.

I headed down to Darktown where I saw Anders tending to more of his patients. I shook my head as I saw him finish healing another child. They and the parents left. I saw him sway and I grabbed him.

"Nia…you're a sight for sore eyes…" Anders rubbed his eyes.

"You're doing it again Anders. You need to get some rest."

"I…will…I'm still not…" Anders leaned against me. I sighed.

"Oh Anders, what am I going to do with you?" I led him into his bed, making him lay down. He groaned, holding his head while I made a small Elfroot potion for him. I mixed it all together for him and gave it to him. He drank it and shuddered. "Yeah I know, the fresh stuff is never good as the dry. Now, what were you thinking?" I said, flicking his forehead. "You need to have sufficient rest if not your patients suffer for it." He chuckled before I pinched his cheeks, sitting down on the bed.

"I know…I'm sorry." Anders said, holding both of my hands.

"I'm going to come down here and be your caretaker if this keeps on. At least you come up to eat but that won't mean anything if all I do is going down the privy because you keep pushing yourself. Stop and rest." I said. Anders chuckled softly and snuggled his head on my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair. We had a moment of silence.

"You really are like a mother." Anders said.

"Well duh. I did give birth twice. I still have my stretch marks from that time." I chuckled.

"Do you?" Anders asked, looking up at me.

"They're faint but they are there." I said. Anders moaned softly as I scratched his head. "The next time I come down here you better be in the best of health otherwise I'm taking you out of here."

"I'll be better…" Anders slumped against me before getting startled, getting up , and rubbing his face.

"Get some rest." I said, trying to push him down on the bed.

"But they-" Anders started.

"Need you at your best. Go get some rest." I pushed. Anders sighed and nodded. I tucked him in and got out of Darktown. I shook my head as I went back to the mansion.

I thought about the little girl I saved and I got an idea.

I gathered some loose paper, cut them into small square pieces, and started to draw.

9:32 Drakonis 3rd

"I saw what you did with that little girl! That was so sweet." Merrill said. I was visiting Merrill's home. It looked like in game with the bookshelves, tight quarters, and table. I had given Seriel the cards with pictures and words so that she could work on her spelling and reading skills. She was so happy.

"I thought it would be nice to let her have something like that especially what she had to go through earlier." I shrugged, my face getting flushed again.

"Why did you do that? Isn't it the guards job to protect?" Merrill asked.

"I was in a position to help Merrill. How are things in the Alienage by the way?" I asked. Merrill shrugged her shoulders.

"It's…different from the clan. We always woke up earlier, did our chores, clean, go out and hunt. Well, they would do that. I would spend my time learning all I could from Keeper Marethari. I was very lonely when Tamlen and Mahariel passed away. They were my only friends growing up." Merrill said, giving me a sad smile. I leaned against the table and put my chin in my hand.

"Tell me about them." I said.

"Oh you don't want me to go on about them!" Merrill shook her hands, looking flustered.

"No go ahead!" I laughed. Merrill fidgeted with her robe.

"Well…Tamlen was stern and he was always bossy when he was growing up. I remember when we were little and I was studying by myself. He came up to me and said, 'From now on you're my friend and you have to do everything I say!' I couldn't understand it but I replied 'Ok!' Mahariel always kept him in line though. You would've liked her. She always saw more than me. She was one of the best hunters and was always fascinated about the outside world…I miss them sometimes. The clan was colder after they were gone. They blamed me because I took the shard from the very thing that killed them." She said.

"A shard?" I wondered.

"It's…it's a piece of our history that has been lost to us. Eluvian, tall mirrors that gave out this magical energy not seen anywhere else. I want to restore it. That's why I made a deal with a demon. It told me how to purify it from the taint. It takes a lot of magic to do so." Merrill sighed.

"Just be careful about it Merrill. I really don't want to kill you if you became an abomination." I said.

"Oh I won't! I'm careful! I always wondered, why do you accept me even though I'm a blood mage?" Merrill asked.

"I was saved by a blood mage. You probably haven't heard of him but one of my good friends is a mage from the circle, an elf like you. He was taught blood magic but is able to use it to heal." I said.

"How amazing!" Merrill gushed.

"Yeah. He says that magic is a tool, like a hammer. A hammer isn't evil so magic isn't inherently evil either. It's the person who uses it." I reasoned.

"I'd like to talk about him if he's as nice as you say he is." Merrill giggled.

"Talen is awesome. Well, I'd better get going Merrill. It was nice talking. I'll bring some food for you one day." I said.

"Or we can have another breakfast party!" Merrill giggled.

"That too. See you Merrill."

9:32 Cloudreach 6th

"Seriel the a's are like this…Lyna try to make your u's more like…oh yes that's perfect! Sorel stop biting your nails!"

It was my third week of being a teacher in the city Alienage. The class was only made up of seven kids. The more I taught Seriel, the more kids came by to also be taught. I had to pay for the supplies with my own money which was ok. I had more money to know what to do with it. The fact that I can use it to do things like this made it more worthwhile. It also took some time out of my days where I can get out of the mansion, besides helping out Lirene with the refugees as well.

Merrill would come by and watch me but she didn't actively participate or teach. Even though she's a sweet person, she still had that Dalish pride about her. At least her clan is one of the few clans that still took in city elves from time to time. Pol was one of them.

The parents were also grateful that they had someone to watch their kids while they went off to work. All in all it benefited everyone.

The only ones that were against the idea were the adolescents that thought they knew everything.

"Nice to meet you Serah Nia."

"Hey Lia. I've heard from Aveline that you've been visiting the guard recently." I said. Lia was the elven girl that I rescued from the serial killer.

"I have. Thank you again for saving me from that monster. I reflected on what you said to me. He did these things by his own choice, not because of the demons. He was a sick and deprave man. The world is better now that he is dead." Lia said, a hard edge on her voice. I sighed as the little kids watched her.

"Give me a three sentenced paragraph about your day yesterday." I heard a few groan as I led Lia slightly away. "You have to be careful what you say around the kids. They are really impressionable. I don't want you to say that they have a right to be happy about a person's death."

"But he kidnapped children and killed them!"

"Yes I know and that was terrible. I didn't feel any happiness killing him though. A death is a death and it weighs heavy on your heart. Justice and Vengeance are two sides of the same coin. This is the new generation that will grow into our future. We have to be careful what we teach them." I explained. Lia looked at me shocked but nodded.

"You are very wise Hahren."

"I try."

* * *

 **You see the chapter name? The Missing Pages are just what they are, the missing pages in Nia's journals. I was thinking, I can't just skip from one Act to the other. This is 3 years we're talking about here! There's so much to explore! Of course you will know which chapters further the plot. The timeline skips around a few times but they will all make sense in the end :3 I'm going to be taking a week break after this update, not only to play the Trespasser DLC but also to let my mind relax. I've been feeling burnt out from editing longer and longer chapters but keeping on the same update days. Just a week so next update will be on the 15th!**

 **ALSO IF ANYONE WANTS ME TO DRAW A CERTAIN SCENE FROM ANY OF MY DRAGON AGE STORIES LEAVE A REVIEW OR PM SO I CAN DRAW IT AND UPLOAD IT!**

 **Shout out to Amethyst-Guardian-Lycure, IsraAl'Attia, akashes, and OnkelJo for favoriting/following!**

 **Buggy300:** _I've been trying to drop hints here and there but I guess my foreshadowing isn't as apparent as I thought..._  
 **EG:** _You can't choose can you? First Nullen, then Fenria, now Isania?_ xD  
 **falloutfan158:** _Not a bad start, you're on the right path.  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Yes, poor Anders...Carver will get better and Isabela in love? Kinda hard to believe_ no?  
 **Guest:** _I'm glad you liked the deviantart! I'm going to be posting more later on!_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, Dforce76, White Story, Ariel, OnkelJo (For the slew of reviews!), and Mizuki00 for reviewing! Please Review!**


	22. The Missing Pages part 2

9:32 Cloudreach 17th

"You once had an older brother who would've agreed." Fenris ended the tale.

"That's good. I'll need to get some harder books for you to practice on." I said, leaning in my chair, a cup of wine in my hand. I felt giddy that my lessons are sticking to Fenris and the kids. It was almost like a dream come true. I always wanted to be a teacher. Teaching three times a week is nice.

"There are a few that Isabela gave me." Fenris said, going through the stack she gave us when she dropped by a few days ago.

"If you're up for reading smut, go ahead." I rolled my eyes. "Why is it always sex with that woman?"

"She's comfortable with it. You are not I assume?" Fenris said, taking a swig from his wine glass.

"I'm comfortable talking about it but…look I'm loyal ok? Isabela with her constant jumping onto one or the other? I just don't understand it. One night stands are not enjoyable. Doing it with someone you love? It's way different." I said, sipping on the wine. I had to admit, Danarius did have some good taste.

"I thought I knew love once." Fenris mumbled.

"You thought?" I wondered.

"When you're a slave that is all you know. Most slaves do not run away because that is all they know. They do not know true freedom. When I was Danarius' slave…he used me for my body, to instill fear in his rivals…and for himself. There was a moment where I thought I loved him and, to this day, I am disgusted by it." Fenris growled.

"It's like you said, you didn't know any better. That was no fault of your own but now you know. Who knows? Maybe you'll find out what real love is like." I sipped my wine.

"Doubtful." Fenris scoffed. "Love is a foreign idea to me."

"I have hope that you will. Love is one of the best feelings in the world." I said, my face flushing.

"And you are naïve." He huffed.

"We've already established that fact Fenris. Trust me, you'll love someone one day."

"How would I know?"

"You mean you wouldn't know when you'd fall in love?" Fenris stared at me. "Of course you wouldn't know. Hmm…what is love?" Baby don't hurt me, no more. Ok that was dumb. "It's…it's that feeling you get when you start to look for that person. You look for them and when you see them…you get a warm feeling and you smile."

"…That's it?" Fenris looked at me with disbelief.

"I try not to over complicate it."I chuckled. "Love can be simple, love can be complicated. It depends on the person but…loving someone can be as simple as seeing them across the room. When your eyes meet, you become calm, serene. All those problems that have been buzzing in your mind all go away once you see them, once you kiss them, hug them, be with them. It could also be as simple as seeing them smile and wanting to smile with them, with a great warmth in your heart but when you know, you know, you know?" I giggled. Fenris stared into the fire place as we both drank silently.

It hurt slightly to think about it though. I did love my husband but…this year would put me at my fifth year being here. Five years is a long time to be away from family. I was certain that he had already found someone to at least wet his whistle but love? Would he have chosen another one to love? At this point, I'm not sure.

"Do you miss them?" Fenris asked.

"My family?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"All the time. There's nothing I could do though. All I can do is wait. One day I'll see them again." I hoped.

"And if your banishment is for life?" Fenris asked. I stayed silent.

"I…I don't know. I'd rather not think about it."

9:32 Cloudreach 22nd

"Do you think this is enough cloth Alanni?" I asked. I was in the Dalish camp. Most of the clan treated me with mild annoyance though some openly showed their scorn. It was a total 180 from when I was with Nerion and Lanaya down in Enasalin. They treated me with respect because of the land Eren granted them and the peace keeper role I played to make sure the humans would keep away.

"Yes thank you. We don't have many merchants come by here. Our hunters keep them away. Marethari tries to make sure we don't rely on the shems for our supplies." Alanni took the bolt of cloth from me.

"Oh and I got you guys something better. Sugar!" I said, giving her a sugar block. Alanni laughed and I saw Nehnlen stand by himself. I did a silent gasp and I pointed behind her. We both looked at each other. Alanni immediately put down her things, got down on her knees, and put out her hands toward him.

"Come here da'len, here to Mamae." Alanni said softly. Nehnlen looked at her with those big beautiful eyes. He cooed and took a few wobbly steps before going down and crawling to her. I squealed.

"His first steps!"

"He will be a fine hunter one day." Alanni laughed as she picked him up. "I must thank you again for this blessing." She kissed Nehnlen on the forehead.

"No, I'm just glad that I was able to do this." I said, putting my hand near him and he grabbed it with his chubby hands and put it in his mouth. "He reminds me of my own son." I giggled.

"You have family in the city?" Alanni asked.

"What? No. I'm not from the Free Marches or even Ferelden. I'm…from far away. I was banished from my home. I'm waiting until the day I can go back but…even I don't know when that will be." I sighed. The sight of Nehnlen reminded me too much of my own son. It tugged on my heart.

"Mah, mah." He was blowing spit bubbles.

"You are always welcome to visit."

"Thank you. Is there anything you'll need at all?"

"No, no. We're fine I believe." She looked over my shoulder and I saw Feynriel practicing his magic with Marethari near the camp's edge. "You can go visit him if you want."

"Thank you." I said. I went over to where they were before I had to dodge a minor fireball. It harmlessly went overhead and landed past everyone.

"No! You must show restraint!" Marethari scolded.

"I-I'm trying!" Feynriel squeaked.

"I'm guessing not everything is going right?" I said. Marethari gave me a weary look and Feynriel smiled sheepishly at me.

"Stay here. I will grab my books for you to look through, again." Marethari said going over back to her tent.

"I'm hopeless." Feynriel said, sitting down on the ground.

"No one becomes an expert overnight." I said, sitting down next to him. "How have they been treating you?"

"It's…odd. Whenever I walked through Lowtown, I could swear that everyone was able to see the elven part of me but here…I stand out like a sore thumb. I'm human through and through. Sometimes I hear them talking about me but because of my ability, they accepted me."

"How are the dreams?"

"I don't have dreams. It's just nightmares and voices." Feynriel mumbled, bringing his knees close to his chest.

"The ability you have is a rare one. To walk into the fade without lyrium and talk to spirits is not something anyone can do."

"What spirits? They're all demons. They just want to get into my body." Feynriel murmured. "It's frightening how much they push against me, how they twists my desires and try to do anything to come inside me." I sighed next to him.

"How much do you know about the fade?" I asked.

"It's where spirits and demons dwell and what we pass through before going by the Maker's side."

"Do you know that the fade shapes itself based on our expectations?" Feynriel looked at me and shook his head. "It's like this. You're scared whenever you go into the fade because all you think about is fade equals demons. Try to walk through it without feeling that fear. Be wary but don't be frightened."

"Easy for you to say. You're not a mage." Feynriel scoffed.

"No I'm not but…that doesn't mean I haven't gone through what you have. I walked with the Grey Wardens during the Blight."

"You knew them?" He had that face of awe.

"Yep. I was even up on Fort Drakon fighting against the Archdemon. I had to go through the fade at one point, trying to rescue my friends from their dreams and nightmares. I saw them fight against a sloth demon and I fought against a pride demon and killed one."

"A pride demon? But those are the strongest!"

"And I killed one but…someone once told me that if you expect a spirit to be a demon, then they will shape themselves to be that way. If you look at the fade with an open mind, then you'll be able to 'see' more and 'feel' more. I know it's hard, especially after all of the nightmares but give it a try. Walk into the fade but with no absolute fear. Be wary and be respectful toward the fade and it will be the same toward you. Walking the fade is equal parts expectation and introspection." I explained. Feynriel bit his lip.

"I'll try."

"Good. Walk without expectations and tell me about it. If you need help or just someone to talk to, write to me back in Kirkwall. I'll also come by often to visit."

"Why are you doing this?" He wondered.

"Because I want to help you Feynriel. I get tons of nightmares as well. I know how it feels." I confessed.

"Thank you."

"Oh and about magic? Don't be afraid of it. Think of it as an extension of yourself. It's a part of you and it's a gift Feynriel. Never think otherwise. I'll tell your mother you're well." I said, getting up. Marethari came by and nodded toward me. I went out of the camp, passing by Alanni and Nehnlen.

I went back through the gates and entered Kirkwall.

I hoped that everything I remembered from what Solas talked about in Inquisition would help Feynriel. It would make his quest later on much easier to deal with.

I sighed as I walked to Hightown. It was weird to be teetering on the edge of complete depression and getting better. Hawke and friends make my life better. They make me happier but then there are those times when I'm reminded of my family, of my life before this one. Then the thoughts creep in and the shadows grow darker. It's hard to focus when there's so much time in between here and then.

9:32 Bloomingtide 2nd

"Yo Cullen." I giggled.

"Knight Captain, must I remind you every single time you visit?" He exasperated, shaking his head.

"Sorry." I chuckled, a few supplies rattling in the satchel I had for Anders. I noticed a mark on his armor. "What's this? It looks like a scorch mark."

"We were called in to a known malificar nest out in the abandoned mines in the Storm Coast. It seems that I wasn't able to clean off some of the magical residue as well as I thought." He stated.

"Was anyone hurt?" I asked. Cullen shuffled on his feet.

"We lost one and a few were injured but this is what we live for, to put down those mages who have turned against the Maker and sided with demons." Cullen said bitterly.

"Blood mages."

"Yes. Blood mages." Cullen spat out.

"Did you get hurt?" I asked sincerely.

"Minor scratches and I saved someone from being scorched inside their armor. I might have lost a few hairs though." He said, scratching at his stubble. I chuckled.

"At least you're doing everything you can to keep everyone safe."

"This is why we keep the mages here, away from the populace. We can't have another Tevinter on our hands."

"You don't know that Cullen."

"The minute we give in is the second we lose. Mages will always vie for more power no matter the circumstance and they will kill those who are against them." Cullen snapped. I sighed. His stance wasn't moving. "Andraste died to finish the Imperium and we are the ones who stand against those who seek to return to those ways."

"Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him. Foul and corrupt are they, who have taken His gift, and turned it against His children." I recited.

"They shall be named maleficar, accursed ones. They shall find no rest in this world, or beyond." Cullen ended it.

"There is one thing you should think about that in the Chant of Light." I said.

"And what is that?"

"They called magic a gift. It's not a curse. It's the Maker's gift so that means that mages are the Maker's children nonetheless." I shrugged. Cullen looked taken aback and rubbed the back of his neck.

"That…ah-" His face grew red.

"Sometimes it pays to have an outsider looking in. I'll see you around Cullen." I waved at him, going back to the ferry.

"Knight Captain!" He shouted behind me while I laughed.

9:32 Bloomingtide 14th

"Wow." I awed, walking around the Hawke estate. Well technically the Amell estate.

"Mother was in charge of the decorating of course." Hawke said wearing her non-formal finery. Leandra managed to snag the Amell estate late last month and the furnishing was finally all done. It was much bigger in real life than in game. I can't believe the space they had! Everything complemented each other, the soft reds, pinks, golds, it was posh but a very subtle posh. It was meant to show them that they were still part of high society but humble about it as well.

"How does your brother think about all of this? He isn't complaining too much about how you made it all happen right?"

"Carver can go suck on bark if he wanted to but no, he's not complaining too much. Merrill seems to be helping with that. Oh how goes your classes?" Hawke said, as we sat in her library. It was well stocked.

"Good. I got a few older students. Their parents want them to study penmanship. I've been trying to convince Fenris to come down and train them but he doesn't want to. He'd rather stay cooped up in the house." I sighed.

"Nia! Oh it's so wonderful to see you." Leandra said, noticing me and Hawke sitting together in their library. I got up and she gave me a tight hug. "What do you think of our home?"

"It's homey." I said flatly. Hawke snickered.

"You are about as worse as my daughter." Leandra sighed, defeated.

"Hey!" I laughed.

"How have you been settling in the city? It must be odd after all your travels." Leandra said, sitting with us as well.

"Slightly. I stayed in Amaranthine for a few months before moving here. Before that, I was traveling all over Ferelden, staying where I could. It wasn't as bad as it seemed." I explained.

"I was wondering Nia, as a princess have you received any formal training?" Leandra asked. Hawke gave me a smirk.

"You mean like which fork to use and how to walk and stuff?" I wondered with a raised eyebrow. Leandra nodded. "No. There was no need to. Nobles hate me and I never get invited to anything."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't be walking like a man or burping like one." Leandra scolded.

"Uh ok?" I was confused but I kept on seeing Hawke's amused grin.

"You should also be more eloquent in your words. Your rhetoric needs some work." Leandra stated. Hawke was shaking in her seat.

"Um…you're going to oversee this aren't you?" I asked.

"Of course! It will be something to share with everyone once I start handling salons again." Leandra said, clapping her hands. I glared at Hawke while she was busy laughing so hard she almost fell off her seat.

"I blame you." I growled.

"We will start on posture and move from there!"

Oh God why.

9:32 Justinian 5th

I hummed under my breath as I walked over to Hawke's estate. The family symbol was right outside their door, the vines covering the doorway elegantly. I was happy for Hawke and her family. They had a home. I wasn't too afraid of going in. No lessons today and I didn't want to stay inside all the time like Fenris. I opened the door and the foyer was empty. I heard some barking and some laughing inside. I went in.

"Ah my lady! Welcome!" Bodhan said, seeing me. He has been staying ever since Leandra offered him a place when they got the home.

"Hello Bodahn." I chuckled. The barking grew louder as I saw Jarvis hurdle through the stairs and tackle me down.

"Wah!"

"Jarvis!" I heard Bodahn say.

"Doggy!" Sandal came over and clapped his hands. I was sputtering on the ground as Jarvis licked my face. He got off and barked all around me.

"I'm sorry Nia. Aveline just brought him back from the training grounds." Hawke said coming down the stairs.

"Then shouldn't he be tuckered out instead of jumping off the walls?" I laughed, rubbing Jarvis' face. He loved that.

"That is what I was telling her as well." I looked up and a familiar red head popped into view. Sebastian. I got up and looked at Hawke.

"Oh! I haven't introduced you two! Sebastian, Nia, Nia, Sebastian." Hawke said as they both came down. He bowed courteous at me.

"Hawke has told me much about you your Highness." Sebastian said.

"Ok, I really don't want to be rude but please don't call me that. I'm a princess in name only." I stated.

"Yet you have done much for the people of Kirkwall and the refugees. You are a honorable woman and should be shown respect." Sebastian urged.

"Trust me Sebastian she's not one for people kneeling in front of her." Hawke shrugged.

"I'm not used to the attention. Besides, I'm kinda in the dark as to how you know him." I wondered.

"Remember when I got a job about a Chantry posting? This one was the one that posted it." Hawke said, pointing at him.

"It…my family were murdered. I only sought a way to bring them comfort in their deaths by making sure the ones that were responsible for them, were brought to justice." Sebastian explained.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold." I stated.

"Excuse me?" Sebastian said.

"Nothing. How did you guys start hanging out all of a sudden?" I asked.

"Is it odd that I go to the Chantry?" Hawke crossed her arms.

"A bit? I never pegged you as being one of the faithful." I confessed.

"I have my reasons." Hawke said, sticking her tongue out at me.

"I never see you there…um…" Sebastian couldn't figure out a way to call me.

"You know you can call me by my first name." I chuckled.

"No that is too informal and-" Sebastian started.

"Sebastian just do it." Hawke said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Thank you for the respect but that's earned not given." I explained.

"I would say you have earned it and more." Sebastian nodded.

"I told him all about your trips to Lirene's Imports and helping all the refugees." Hawke said, putting her arm around me.

"Your donations have helped them through their troubles." Sebastian bowed slightly again.

"Hawke are you pulling a Varric and telling people about what I've done?" I raised my eyebrow.

"No!...Ok maybe a little." Hawke said, ruffling my hair. Sebastian chuckled.

"And now you have two friends that are royalty. How does that make you feel?" I asked.

"Incredible." Hawke laughed.

"Eva, I have another furnish that, Nia it's always good to see you, you and your brother need to go get. It's a bench set for the foyer." Leandra said over the railing. Hawke groaned. "Don't give me that young lady. You should have known that I would be doing all that I can to make sure this home is good for salons. Carver!"

"I heard." He said, coming out of the reading room.

"We'll go then." Hawke sighed.

"Truthfully you should send out Nia with her bulging muscles." Carver chuckled.

"…Nia-!" Hawke started going to give me a hug. I stopped her and put my hand on her face.

"No." I laughed.

"Worth a shot." Hawke laughed, taking my hand off, as she and her brother left.

"Leandra you're not going to make me go through training right now are you?" I asked. She chuckled.

"No, no. I can't do that with guests around. I will be going through marriage candidates for Eva." Leandra said. I laughed outloud.

"Good luck." I said. She sighed loudly.

"Oh I know I will need it." Leandra said going up to her room. Jarvis stuck his nose in my hand and I gave him a scratch behind the ears.

"You are very comfortable in Hawke's home." Sebastian said.

"Leandra kinda pushed me in here. I have a feeling she misses Bethany and is using me as a replacement." I said sheepishly. Sebastian chuckled lightly.

"I don't think that is the reason she has accepted you into her home." Sebastian said. Can I just say his accent was to die for? Because it was.

"Can I bring you anything? Some waters, a few refreshments?" Bodhan asked.

"Can I have some salamanders please?" Sandal asked.

"Sandal!" Bodahn scolded.

"Pretty lady!" Sandal gave me a hug. I chuckled and patted Sandal on the head before he let me go.

"Do you want anything Sebastian?"

"No I am fine, thank you."

"Come upstairs. I think Hawke wouldn't mind it if we got comfortable here." I said. Sebastian chuckled.

"May I ask for a few of your tales? It is a wonder to hear them from Hawke but you were there in Ferelden during the Blight along with the Hero and Defenders of Denerim." Sebastian said with a hint of awe in his voice as we went up the stairs to Hawke's reading room. I chuckled.

"I've repeated them countless times but I always have to ask; which first?" I said, pulling up a chair and sitting in it. Sebastian pulled one in front of me.

"I…I'm sorry I never thought which I should…you were employed by the Couslands before you become princess, were you not?"

"Oh from the beginning then? Well I can't remember how I came to Ferelden. What happened in the first place is kinda a blur to me. Whatever happened though, it led me through Castle Highever and landed me right in the lap of the Couslands. Eren saved me from being mauled to death by mabaris right out the front gates."

"Mauled?"

"I was covered in blood from my injuries and they were training a few dogs in the Castle. They took one whiff of me and their defenses kicked in. Eren saved me though and Aldous, rest his soul, healed me. It didn't take long for Orana to take a liking to me." I chuckled.

"She was Fergus' wife before she passed." Sebastian said solemnly.

"…Yeah. Anyway, I became her handmaiden and took care of her and her son Oren from time to time. It was a peaceful year until Eren got into some trouble and his mother, Eleanor, told me that I was to watch him so he wouldn't go gallivanting off into some more mischief." I rolled my eyes. Eren was such a jerk back in the day.

"That must have been a switch from your usual routine." Sebastian chuckled.

"You wouldn't believe it! Here I was sorting through letters and scheduling events for Orana to being a grown ass nanny. Eren made my life hell for the first few weeks, cleaning his armor, laundry, tripping me, ripping up my apron, and whole slew of shit. Then we got into, well he got into a scuffle in a bar one night. I just stood there not being able to do anything so…Eren took it upon himself to teach me how to fight." I rubbed my face, remembering the training lessons.

"It is a skill that many should know to defend themselves from those that would like to cause them harm." Sebastian agreed.

"True but I sucked. I was a cook before I came to Ferelden, then a handmaiden, I could barely lift a longsword. There I was, making a fool of myself not being able to walk around in chainmail because it was so damn heavy. Then he made me do rolls, after that practice with wooden swords. It was all practice and training. One day, during a harsh winter, we helped the Highever Guard and did a few rounds. We got cornered by a few thugs in an alley way. I had to fight them off and…" I trailed off.

Bright red blood on pure white snow.

The man's face as he realized the killing blow.

My own shock from plunging the dagger into his gut.

Red, so much red spilling onto the ground, my hands slick from the blood, spots dripping from my weapon.

"Nia?" Sebastian gave me a look of worry. I was pulled out of my thoughts.

"Sorry. Well…it was the first real fight I had. One of the thugs ran into me and my dagger. It stabbed deeply into his gut and I pulled it out. There was blood everywhere. Eren dragged me out of there. He never did tell me whether or not the man died but…it was a stab in his stomach. Those types of injuries you don't recover from unless you have a healer right next to you." I sighed deeply.

"You should not have been so quick to realize the blow of death when there are other options before you." Sebastian explained.

"The ground was slush under our feet and I held the dagger out as he slid towards me. It was a matter of momentum which brought him into my blade…So!" I recovered and pushed that memory back. "After that things fell into routine for me and Eren. I saw him get his hound, I honed my skills, and then we got news of the blight starting in Ostagar. Bryce was gathering his forces but he wanted to march with Howe. We waited but his men kept on getting delayed. In the end, Bryce sent out Fergus with the majority of the soldiers so they can march to Ostagar."

"I have heard about Rendon Howe's betrayal. He tried convincing the nobles that the Couslands were Orlesian supporters that betrayed their country." Sebastian said, a slight rage in his voice.

"That is the biggest damn lie of the age. Howe's men were delayed on purpose, to steal the Teryn from underneath Bryce's feet. I was there during the slaughter. I…"

The arrow, I wasn't quick enough. Orana, Aldous, Mother Mallol, Ser Gilmore securing the gates in one final attempt to save us.

Bryce's blood pooling on the floor next to the servant's entrance. Eleanor's tears in her eyes as she sees Eren, Oren, and I.

My promise to protect the both of them.

We left those poor people to the fate that Howe would give them.

Eren's face in the Gauntlet when he realized I knew of the attack beforehand. His rage and betrayal on his face.

My first grand failure.

"I could not contain my rage when I received the notice of my family's passing." Sebastian said when I realized I stayed quiet for too long. "I could not believe the letter in my hand. I remember the feel of the parchment, the ink written on the page, the seal of the envelope that mocked me. The only thing that was on my mind was vengeance on the persons who would do that to my family. It took long hours of prayer after the mercenaries were killed to sooth the rage in my heart."

"…3 years I was in their employ. They didn't need to accept me. I was a blood soaked stranger and they welcomed me with open arms. I was able to save Eren and Oren though. We lost everyone in that castle that night. Eren has written to me that he can't even walk through his childhood home because of the blood that was spilled on that night." I said softly.

"I will pray that their souls would find comfort that you have avenged them."

"Pray that they are in a better place Sebastian because you shouldn't find joy in another person's death. You can paint those mercenaries as villains all you want, but they were people too. They might had families, lives…and they have been snuffed out. Rendon Howe was a bastard and, even though I shouldn't feel this way, I'm glad he died but if he never lived then I wouldn't have met my good friend Nathaniel." I explained. Sebastian nodded.

"Nathaniel Howe has redeemed his family name from what I heard in Amaranthine." Sebastian said.

"Yep. He's trying his hardest to dash away the things his father did with all the good deeds he's doing now." I smiled from remembering him. He was stern but good underneath it all.

"I apologize for making you relive these painful memories." Sebastian said sincerely.

"Oh, no it's ok. I mean, it stings but…time heals most wounds." I sighed, putting my chin in my hand.

"Not all?" Sebastian chuckled.

"No. There are a few things time can't heal, only love can." I confessed. I saw Sebastian was about to say something before I heard someone come up the steps.

"Aww! Look at you two bonding!" Hawke said coming up the stairs.

"Will you be needing help with anything?" Sebastian asked.

"Hm? Oh no, Carver has it all done. I've been eavesdropping." Hawke laughed. I face palmed and Sebastian laughed. "You have some skeletons in your closet messere Nia." Hawke said, poking my cheek.

"This is why I try to keep my experiences to the more fantastical stories instead of my own." I said, getting up.

"Ah! Was I an ass again!?" Hawke wondered.

"No but I shouldn't be putting this burden on you." I said.

"But you're my friend. Your problems are my problems." Hawke said, patting me on the shoulder. I gave her a soft but bitter smile.

"Unlucky you."

9:32 Justinian 12th

"Um Serah? Might I ask you for a grand favor? Please?"

I had wrapped up class for the day in the Alienage when a man I recognized going around came up to me. I looked over at the kids as they left and I motioned him to follow me.

"Is there something wrong…?" I noticed the panicked expression on his face.

"Oh I'm sorry. My name is Harel. You have had dealing with the Qunari yes?"

"I've been in their compound yes." I nodded.

"Then would you mind accompanying me? My son has…joined those horned beasts." He spat. I scowled at that.

"On one condition; please call them by Qunari because that is what they are." I said. He looked taken aback.

"O-Of course."

"Mrs. Nia? Are you going to the bad men?" Seriel asked.

"They're not bad just misunderstood. Go with your mom ok?" She nodded and went away.

"Thank you again Serah." Harel said sincerely.

"Don't worry about it." My stomach did a few flips though. I was going to see the Qunari sans Hawke. Harel walked quickly and silently. He was probably thinking all the ways how to persuade his son to come back to him. I sighed. They didn't know that once the Qun is attached to you, there's no going back. We passed the bridge that would lead us toward the docks.

"Can you come with me please?" Harel asked.

"He's your son. I doubt he'll listen to what I'll say." I said.

"Please for…support." Harel said, his eyes downcast. Curse my good guy side. I sighed and nodded. We went up to the gate. I saw the guard in front of it. I took a breath and released it.

I put my mind in the set of a battle and gained my focus. Harel came up to the guard. I was surprised at his stern face showing no fear but that was a parent wanting to save his child.

"I would like to meet my son." Harel stated.

"He is now viddethari and is choosing his path." The guard said.

"I will not move until I see him." Harel said, crossing his arms. The guard looked at me and I shrugged.

"You will be allowed to meet if the Arishok allows it." The gate opened for us and we went in. I saw all the Qunari going about their business. It was amazing how well they all worked with each other. I was so curious to look through all their tents and their space. I would have loved to learn more about Qunari culture. Harel and I ended up in front of the Arishok. His golden eyes lazily went over us.

"I demand to see my son." Harel said. I had to admit, this guy had balls. He crossed his arms and stared directly at the Arishok. The Arishok's eyes lingered on me. "His name is Thorel." My focus broke slightly. I was wondering where that kid who always complained about my class was at. The Arishok spoke to a another that was next to him and he went over to where the tents were. My focus was becoming into curiosity. I saw Thorel coming toward us, wearing the clothes of the Qunari with one lone earring from his ear.

"Father."

"Thorel stop this madness and let us go back home."

"No. I thought I made it clear that I was not going to stay!"

"You had a good thing with the apprenticeship-"

"You pushed me into that!"

"Stop this nonsense! Go back home and-"

"No. I'm not going home. I've decided long and hard about this father. I made this choice for myself. You can't make me go back. What's the point!? The shems will never accept us or see us as equals! What's the point in floundering around like rats hoping for their scraps!? Here I'm accepted father and here is where I belong, not with our fake 'everything is going to be ok' home." Thorel snapped.

"You shame your mother by doing this!" Harel shouted.

"Mamae is dead father! Get over it!" Thorel yelled. I rubbed my neck. I felt like I was intruding in something way too personal for my taste.

"Serah please speak some sense into him!" Harel said. It took me a few good seconds to get that he was referring to me.

"Wait what?" I wondered.

"If there's anyone that can bring some sense into him, it's you." Harel pleaded.

"I was wondering why the teacher was here." Thorel sighed, rubbing his face.

"I don't know what you were expecting but there's nothing I can say that will move his stance." I said, crossing my arms.

"She can help you get a better job!" Harel pointed at me. I face palmed.

"Jesus Christ, you have got to be kidding me…" I mumbled under my breath.

"Please Serah." Harel looked at me with his pleading face. I crossed my arms.

"No." I said. I saw the Arishok gave me a grunt of approval.

"What?" Harel looked at me with disbelief.

"Your son has made his choice. You need to respect that."

"You are taking these horned beasts' side!?" Harel shouted.

"They are Qunari and he has chosen the Qun. There's no point in arguing. He did this for himself. You need to let him go." I was not moving my stance. I gave him a hard stare while Harel gave me a look of outrage.

"Father, go home." Thorel sighed.

"And here I thought you were a friend of our people." Harel spat. I sighed as Harel stormed out of there. You can't please both sides I guess.

"I'm surprised you took my side." Thorel said. "I thought for sure you'd be like father and try to get me to go home."

"You found your purpose didn't you?" I asked. Thorel nodded. "Then this is where you belong. I can only say don't live regretting your decision."

"I'm not regretting it at all…um…thank you…" He mumbled going over back to the tents.

"You understand the Qun much better than the bas." The Arishok said finally. His loud voice almost boomed from the earlier argument and I had to refocus.

"He found his purpose and his father had to recognize that. You don't fight against a wave." Because that's what Qunari are at this point, a force of nature. I saw the Arishok's eye twitch.

"You have been read the Qun."

"The Sten enlightened me and told me. The tide rises, the tide falls, but the sea is changeless. Struggle is an illusion. There is nothing to struggle against." I recited. The Arishok snorted in amusement and I felt a change.

"Then you understand."

"It is not hard to. You flow with every piece in its place because everything has a place within the Qun." I said. The Arishok rubbed his face. It was odd but that small change seemed to humanize him. It wasn't hard to understand their culture at all. You had a purpose, you filled a need, and you all worked together to live. To find that was comforting, for some at least.

"Tell me, what do you see when you see this city?" The Arishok said, showing me with his arm the place beyond the docks.

"Chaos." I stated.

"And what sort of course should you take?"

"Set it right and put everything back into its proper order…but even if I say that, this city won't bend so easily." I shook my head.

"It does not matter. The Qun is an eventuality that will be fulfilled. Struggling is a pointless endeavor." The Arishok said.

"But you're not here to conquer this city. That isn't your purpose." Me and my big mouth. The Arishok's demeanor changed as well as the rest. He stood up from his seat and took the steps down. It took all of my willpower not to cower. I stared at him as he stood in front of me. It made me feel like an ant against a giant.

"What would you know of purpose?" He stared me down.

"I have a purpose. I protect Kirkwall." I stated.

"And what would you have me do in my situation?" The Arishok said, taking a few steps away from me. "I cannot leave without fulfilling what I seek."

"Continue along the path and you will find it." Or you'll be given it by Isabela if I play my cards right.

"And your kind would have me wait in this purposeless cesspool until that time?" The Arishok spat out.

"It's what you need to do isn't it? You don't have a choice." I said.

"You know of the Qun and you speak of purpose but do you accept it?" The Arishok stood before me.

"I have my path. That is enough." I hated that I had to crane my head to even look at him. He turned away.

"You may leave." The Arishok said. I bowed.

"Panahedan Arishok." I took long strides but kept calm. As soon as I was away from the docks, I leaned against the wall and tried to calm my beating heart. I shook my head. I had an honest to God conversation with the Arishok. I did not know what to make of this. I had on my focus up until I reached the mansion. I opened it and I saw Varric, Isabella, Hawke, and Fenris around a table with cards.

"Hey I was wondering when you'd get back!" Hawke said. I walked up to her.

"Hawke, I need you to slap me across the mouth, hard." I said.

"Ok." She got up and did just that. The slap was heard around the room and I shook my head.

"Ow." I hissed in pain.

"Holy shit Knives!" Varric laughed. I rubbed my face and felt my split lip.

"Now why did you want me to do that?" Hawke asked sheepishly.

"I needed to know if this was real life…I kinda had a conversation with the Arishok." It was hard to believe at this point.

"You what?!" Isabela wondered. I sat down and explained to them what happened.

"I am surprised that you were able to tell him of the Qun." Fenris said.

"My friend taught me some of it." I shrugged, rubbing my cheek.

"Maker's balls Knives! I can't believe you made the Arishok shut up like that." Varric laughed.

"I was unnerved throughout the whole thing! I just hid it well!" I confessed. Isabela chuckled.

"You are astounding kitten." She winked at me.

"Can I call you my hero Nia?" Hawke asked. I chuckled.

"Sure Hawke."

* * *

 **So...really long chapter. Kinda got carried away actually. THE TRESPASSER DLC! DAMN YOU BIOWARE HOW CAN YOU END IT LIKE THAT! But I now have the official ending to my story...before they go ahead and release another Dragon Age, which I know they will do! Don't forget I am still drawing requests if anyone of you want to see a favorite scene drawn out! 3 day updates per the norm coming up again!**

 **Shout out to Alex King for following/favoriting!**

 **EG:** _I know right!? I spent 7 hours straight playing right through it! Oh I was bawling my eyes out!  
_ **OnkelJo:** _Actually when she just 'taps' her power, all it does is make her faster and stronger without showing any physical differences. I know, I tend to mother my friends or cousins. They've mentioned it. I guess it comes with the territory when you become one.  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Not too soon. There is still much more to be done until then._

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, Undeadhero143, WardenMahariel, and Dforce76 for your reviews! Please Review!**


	23. The Missing Pages part 3

9:32 Justinian 17th

Fenris slept in his chair today. I came into the room wondering about what he was doing. I haven't heard anything from him and his lunch plate was untouched in the kitchen. I went upstairs and he was asleep on his chair, his neck at an odd angle. I sat in front of him. I was curious how in the hell he slept like that with his armor on!

His hair was growing out as well, covering his eyes. I really wanted to do something for him. Fenris didn't deserve to be so broken. I moved behind the chair and I gently moved his head to a better position. His hair was soft. I patted his head. He didn't move. I patted it some more and I heard him snore lightly.

I patted it some more but I made a mistake. I tried running my fingers through his hair. I would love it when my mom would scratch my head. Apparently Fenris didn't. It was an instinctive reaction. He grabbed my wrist and took me down in a way that would make martial artists swoon. The ground was hard as he knocked me on my back. He pinned me down and glared at me. My wrist hurt from how hard he was holding onto it. I coughed.

"I told you not to touch me." He growled.

"…Ow." I said regarding my wrist. He got up like he was touching fire. I groaned and rubbed my wrist.

"Why must you be so persistent?" Fenris sighed, rubbing his face. I rubbed the part of my back that was sore.

"Because you're my friend and I care about you. All you do is loiter in here, you don't go out, and you barely talk to anyone besides me. That's not how you live Fenris." I said, sitting up.

"Why should I ever concern myself in the city out there? I should only protect what I have." Fenris glared.

"And what do you have Fenris?" I asked standing up. Fenris looked around, shuffling awkwardly before looking at me.

"You." He said. I raised my eyebrow.

"…That's ironic then since you flipped me on the floor, hard I might add." I said stretching my back.

"I apologize but you keep on insisting that I get used to your touching." Fenris growled.

"It will make you feel better! I swear." I urged. Fenris huffed and turned away. "Come here Fenris."

"No." He crossed his arms. I huffed and stood in front of him.

"Stay calm." I warned.

"What are you-" Fenris started.

"Fenris, please." I pleaded. He sighed in annoyance. I raised my hand up, slowly. I put my hand on top of his head. "See?"

"I do not see the point of this." Fenris mumbled.

"Just roll with it." I chuckled. I patted his head some more. I stepped closer and ran my head through his hair. I felt him flinch so I slowed slightly. "Hm, your hair is getting longer…"

"Hmph." Fenris said, closing his eyes. He leaned slightly toward me. That was all I did, just run my fingers through his hair. I could tell he liked it. That tension I felt earlier was gone and his body was relaxed. I stopped and Fenris opened his eyes.

"See?" I smiled softly at him. Fenris stared at me before walking past me.

"I need some air." He said in a hurry and I heard the front door shut. I sighed. It was going to be tough trying to make him see the world wasn't as bad as he thought.

I felt that rising urge for cuddles. That was all I wanted. I wanted to hug someone I loved close to me and snuggle right into them.

I need a teddy bear.

9:32 Justinian 20th

"Stupid slavers making my staff all bloody…don't they know how hard it is to get these bloodstains out of my staff!?" Hawke complained. I threw my wet rag at Hawke's face.

"Get over it!" I laughed, cleaning my own armor with some polish.

"I thought this was supposed to be a usual run Guard Captain." Varric said, doing maintenance on Bianca on Hawke's table.

"It was. I didn't expect all that resistance." Aveline said, wiping off the traces of blood on her sword. Hawke put the wet rag on her head.

"Ah that feels so much better." Hawke groaned happily.

"It's not that hot." I chuckled.

"Nia I've lived in Lothering for most of my life. It's usual raining and cold, this is hot!" Hawke said, taking off the wet rag and looking at me.

"Messere Hawke, a Sebastian Vael here to see you." Bodahn said, coming up to where we were.

"Hawke! Oh did I come at a bad time?" Sebastian asked, coming in.

"Hello there Choir Boy." Varric laughed.

"Varric. It's good to see you again." Sebastian nodded.

"That's something I haven't heard a in a long time." Aveline chuckled.

"We got caught in a den of slavers trying to help Aveline. No big deal." Hawke shrugged.

"No big deal she says after squishing as many as she could." I rolled my eyes.

"What about you miss stab first ask questions later?" Hawke said, slapping the rag on my face.

"Was anyone hurt?" Sebastian asked. I tossed it back to her.

"No one on our side but Hawke did an epic fail on her ass." Varric chuckled. She tossed it to my head.

"I did not expect that pot hole to be there!" Hawke countered. I laughed and shook my head, taking the rag off.

"I should be going now then. Thank you for accompanying me. Nia, you'll be at the training grounds tomorrow?" Aveline asked.

"After I stop by Lirene's for a food drop, yeah." I agreed. Aveline nodded at our group and went out. I slapped the rag back on Hawke's face.

"Hey!" Hawke threw it but I evaded it. I laughed.

"Might I have a look?" Sebastian asked looking at my armor.

"Sure." I gave him my breastplate. He turned it around, running his hands through the delicate carvings.

"What design is this?" Sebastian asked.

"Dalish." I said. Sebastian gave me a wide eyed look.

"Believe it Choir Boy, this one is friends with a clan back in Ferelden." Varric chuckled.

"You have heard of the lands down in the Hinterlands and the Korcari Wilds? The one that Eren gave the Dalish, Enasalin? I was their go to person during their settling down period." I leaned in my seat.

"You worked with the Dalish?" Sebastian looked at me with awe.

"The Grey Wardens and her saved a whole clan of them from the curse of the werewolves!" Hawke butted in, sitting next to me.

"Is that true?" Sebastian asked.

"Well we kinda just walked into it really. It wasn't like we were looking to solve their problems. When we looked into finding the Dalish to fight against the Blight, they were under siege by a werewolf curse. Their Keeper Zathrian wouldn't help us unless we helped him. It turns out that Zathrian made the curse in the first place." I explained.

"Werewolves have been hunting in the Brecilian Forests for centuries though." Sebastian said.

"And this guy lived for those centuries." Varric said.

"Yep. Zathrian was very long lived. In order to bound a strong spirit to a wolf, he had to use his own blood. So the wolf went off and hunted but as long as the wolf was alive, so was Zathrian. We eventually gained an audience with the werewolves and the Lady of the Forest. She was the great wolf as well, two sides of the same coin. Calm like the forest on a bright day and fierce like the wolf she was originally. She asked us to talk to Zathrian. She wanted peace. Zathrian didn't want it though. Humans killed his son and raped his daughter." As I told the story, Sebastian sat down as well.

"That is horrible!" Sebastian exclaimed.

"Yes and he killed the ones responsible but what of those innocents centuries later that had nothing to do with that? We eventually convinced him to end the curse. The Lady of the Forest was no more, Zathrian died, and the curse was lifted. The werewolves turned back into humans and the Dalish agreed to helping us." I ended.

"Amazing. The Grey Wardens are heroes indeed." Sebastian was in awe.

"Only the ones in Ferelden. Try not to expect other wardens to be like that." I shook my head. Orlesians Wardens were nothing like the Ferelden Wardens.

"Experience Knives?" Varric asked.

"Orlesian Grey Wardens can suck on bark." I said.

"What of the Grey Warden Paragon?" Sebastian asked.

"Derek? Oh he's awesome. You'd like him." I chuckled.

"Oh! Did you get that barrel of dwarven ale that you mentioned to us?" Hawke asked, putting her arm around me.

"No, it hasn't come in yet." I sighed.

9:32 Solace 3rd

"And they were like pill bugs that could open their faces and had these huge mauls with sharp tiny teeth! The smaller ones would eat other darkspawn and…mature." I added the last part for a creepy effect. It worked as everyone's faces contorted into disgust and fear.

"Maker's balls." Varric said, taking another swig.

"Yep, they would get these long, spindly legs and their bodies would grow larger and that's only their first maturation, the last one is…ugh, super gross." I explained.

"And they only appeared during the attack on Vigil's Keep?" Carver asked.

"Yeah. The mother was controlling them and making their eggs. We found them in Kal'Hirol and again in the Blackmarsh. Nasty little fuckers. We haven't had any word of their resurgence anywhere else so I'm guessing that they only came from that one specific Broodmother." I shrugged.

"That is disgusting!" Hawke said.

"But how was she creating these new darkspawn?" Aveline asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Darkspawn come from all races. Shrieks from elves, Genlocks from Dwarves, Hurlocks from Humans, and Ogres from Kossith. How this Broodmother created a new race is beyond me. I didn't stay during the Grey Wardens official investigation of them." I said, taking a drink to wet my dry throat.

"Well another interesting story Nia but I have to go and do my rounds again." Aveline said, getting up from her chair.

"And we still need to help move in some furniture that mother ordered." Carver sighed.

"We'll see you around Nia." Hawke said, patting me on the head as they all went out. Varric chuckled.

"Damn Knives, never thought I'd see the day where I found someone that tells a story as good as I would."

"Well, when someone wants to hear, I do everything I can to make it as interesting as possible." I chuckled.

"And you never thought about putting all of this on paper?" Varric asked.

"No. I've always kept to the shadows Varric. What's the point of having people know about me? I'm just the supporting character in the story not the main one."

"The supporting character of many big figures in our history like King Eren, the Senior Enchanter Talen, and even the Paragon Brosca! You know all these hot shots and you never once used them to make yourself known? Besides, everyone is the main character in their own story." Varric winked.

"Well that is a good point...I think Queen Anora is doing that all on her own. She kinda needs to so the populace can accept me. I heard she's spreading the fact that I settled here as a way to strengthen the relationship between the Free Marches and Ferelden. Then there's the fact that I opened a school for the city elves and the refugees that I'm helping that she's caught wind off. She's spreading that like wildfire. I'm even getting stopped now in the streets because of her. That's enough attention for me." I laughed.

"You wouldn't be adverse if I should spread what you've done right?" Varric asked.

"Just spread the things I tell you Varric and no overblown stories ok? I don't want to hear how I rode on a griffon to defeat a horde of dragons." I laughed.

"Well I would make it against darkspawn but you got it Knives." Varric nodded. I chuckled.

"So about my original stories…"

9:32 Solace 9th

Fenris has been avoiding me. He hasn't been reading to me, he slinks off as soon as I make him food…and he closed his freaking door on me!

The good thing was that Isabela came by with a job and asked for the both of us. I swear it was the first time I saw him in weeks.

"So you said that the letter you received pointed to a drop location in Lowtown, that sent you to the docks, that sent you to the gallows, and you found a map for a cave at the Storm Coast?" I wondered as we left the city gates.

"Yes kitten. Don't give me that look. This could be it." Isabela said gleefully. I rolled my eyes as well as Hawke next to me.

"That's what you said about the last time. We set fire to a man's mustache and you got a fake, gold, Orlesian mask." Hawke huffed, crossing her arms.

"That was his fault but I did like the apology mask." Isabela giggled.

"Exactly what have you been doing?" Fenris wondered.

"Tracking down the relic. My information hasn't always been…accurate." Isabela fiddled with her fingers with a sheepish look.

"Tch, that's an understatement." I chuckled.

"Oh kitten you are just sad that I haven't been taking you on any of my assignments." Isabela purred hugging me from behind.

"That's not exactly it." I looked away, feeling the heat on my face.

"Then you've missed me." She purred in my ear.

"That's not it either!" I pushed her away. Isabela laughed and skipped along the path. Hawke snickered.

"You are staring." Hawke teased, elbowing me suggestively.

"I am not!" I pushed her away as wel.

"Your face is so red!" Hawke laughed.

"No it isn't!" I squeaked. Hawke laughed and me and I rubbed my face. I saw Fenris stare at me before he looked away. I scowled. I needed to know what in the hell was wrong with him.

"Why is it so warm!?" Hawke moaned.

"You think this is warm? Try being in Rivain during the summer." Isabela scoffed.

"I don't see why you're complaining. This is nothing." I shrugged.

"How can you say that when you're wearing all that armor?" Hawked asked.

"I'm used to the heat." I stated.

"Ferelden isn't hot kitten."

"I meant back home. I lived in a desert. It got hot." I said.

"That would explain your…many freckles." Isabela chuckled huskily.

"Shut up Isabela!" I smelled the sea air as we got nearer to the coast. Surprisingly we weren't attacked by any random encounter. Aveline's guard kept everything safe. Isabela took out her scavenger map. Hawke went right next to her, and they were arguing where to go next. I sighed and wiped off some sweat off my brow. Just because I didn't mind the heat didn't mean I didn't suffer from its effects.

"So, do you think we'll find the relic?" I asked Fenris.

"No." Fenris said curtly.

"You never know, Isabela could have played her hands right and finally found it." I tried getting in his vision. He looked away.

"I do not think so." He crossed his arms.

"Why have you been ignoring me?" I asked bluntly. Fenris scoffed.

"I have not been ignoring you." He kept looking away from me no matter how many times I moved in front of him.

"Fenris this is the first time I've seen you for almost a month. You're never home when I'm home, you eat alone now, and you keep your door closed." I huffed.

"Is it too much to ask for privacy?" Fenris raised his eyebrow. I sighed defeated.

"No, I guess it isn't."

"This way!" Isabela said, running up the hill. We followed her toward a cliff face that held an opening inside a cave. "This should be where the map leads."

"Well let's go inside this dank and dirty cave shall we?" Hawke said and Isabela laughed. "It will be at least cooler in there." We went in, following the old, rotted, wooden stairs. The last step broke for me and I nearly face planted if it wasn't for my reflexes.

"I'm good. God I hate stairs."

"No wonder you curse at them when you clean them." Fenris chuckled. We followed the set of natural passages. The cave was cooler than the outside and it even had a river next to us.

"It should be-" Isabela started before giant spiders came down on us. Hawke did a force push on three of them into the river. Fenris was able to crush the abdomen of two. Isabela and I work together to get the last two by sinking in our daggers in their abdomens and crushing their body.

A few more followed suit, four more of them. Hawke released a strong force spell and crushed them all.

"I hate spiders." Hawke grumbled.

"Now that we know we won't get eaten by them, let's go." Isabela said. It was odd seeing her so focused on something other than sex. "Now we go down this corridor and-" Her foot hit the click of a trap.

"Tell me that wasn't-" Hawke started before I heard a roar of something coming toward us. A roar of water.

"Go!" I shouted. We ran down the narrow corridor as a rush of water was gaining on us.

"If I drown I'm blaming you!" Hawke shouted.

"Less talking, more running!" Isabela shouted.

"There!" I pointed ahead. A long pair of stairs was in front of us. Isabela and Hawke were the first ones there. I felt the water coming up to my ankles. The water was steadily rising but there was a stone door in the way.

"Open up you piece of-!" Hawke strained to open it.

"Hawke move!" I said. Fenris and I pushed it open enough for us to squeeze through. Isabela and Hawke squeezed in, the water rising and rising. Fenris and I went after, pushing the stone door closed again. I let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the door. Isabela chuckled.

"That will make one story won't it?" We all glared at her. She cleared her throat. We were in a cavern that had twinkling rocks above us, making it look like starry sky. There were a few openings in the ceiling, letting in some light. "All right let's look around."

"How are you even sure that we're in the right place?" Hawke wondered, looking around in the cavern. There wasn't much to look at just a few stalagmites, broken crates, and some water dripping in a few areas.

"I feel it. We should be getting close." Isabela said. I followed her, my feet wet and uncomfortable.

"You cannot just feel, you must know." Fenris said.

"Oh I know. Here!" Isabela said, finding a wooden door and opening it. It led to an old rickety mining operation. It was long since abandoned.

"How in the hell are we going to get out of here?" I wondered.

"Oh we'll find a way Nia." Hawke said. I sighed, regretting that I came. I looked over to Fenris but I saw him look away. Our friendship was getting better until I gave him a pat on the head. Maybe I shouldn't have done it.

"I think…this might be it!" Isabela said, opening what looked like to be an operator's room. We opened it only to find piles and piles of books. "What!?" Hawke laughed.

"Well…we found what looks like to be relics!" Hawke laughed. Isabela groaned. I looked through them. A lot of them were copies of the Chant of Light and various research tomes. None were the relic that Isabela was hoping for.

"Great. Another dead lead." Isabela said, kicking a crate hard enough that it fell and I heard another click and another roar.

"Isabela…I hate you." I glared at her. We got out of the room that had the water coming out in cracks.

"Where's an exit?" Hawke panicked looking around.

"I don't know!" Isabela shouted.

"What do you mean you don't know!?" Hawke panicked more. She didn't know how to swim.

"Calm down!" I shouted. Fenris grabbed my shoulder and pointed at a lift. "There!" The water burst from the room we were in and crashed into all of us. I coughed as I stood up, the water rising. I grabbed Hawke's armor and moved her. I might have been wearing armor, but it was light. Hawke's robes would absorb too much water. I hauled her to the lift. She tried the control but it wouldn't move.

"Shit!" Hawke kicked at it. The chains were rusted and it wasn't going to move. I noticed the platform floating slightly.

"Fenris, break the chains. We might be able to use this platform to get to the surface if we play our cards right."

"What are you thinking?" Isabela wondered.

"Well ships are made of wood, wood floats right? Hawke, once the water reaches a certain height, use a force push to get us out. Just hold on and do not go into the water." I explained. The platform made a miniature raft as the water filled up the cavern we were in rapidly. Hawke was shivering next to me as we tried not to knock the balance of the platform.

"Are you sure this will work?" Fenris wondered, looking at the light above us.

"Of course it will!" I laughed nervously.

"We're all dead aren't we?" Isabela said. Hawke kept the platform stabilized under the opening until we got closer.

"Hawke!" Her magic enveloped the platform and she pushed against the water. We were sent hurtling out of the cavern into the outside. We all landed roughly. I groaned as I stood up. We were up on a cliff, overlooking the sea. It looked beautiful.

"Ow…" Hawke groaned.

"I'm going to go back to that informant and kill him. Anyone want to join me?" Isabela said, getting up.

"Sure. I'll kill him for almost drowning me!" Hawke shouted.

"At least it wasn't a dull moment." Isabela laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to go home and get myself out of these wet clothes." I said, my underclothes soaking wet.

"Would you like some help with that kitten?" Isabela put her arm around me. I shrugged it off and glared at her.

"No I really don't." I said, going down the path to head back to Kirkwall. My wet hair clung to me and the wind made me shiver. I heard someone's footsteps behind me. I didn't need to look behind to know that it was Fenris.

"And you said we should help her." Fenris huffed.

"Never again, trust me." I chuckled.

"…Your hair is getting long."

"Yeah I know. Here, hold my ponytail for a second." I felt the tug. I got my dagger and cut it. I knew it was going to be a messy cut but I didn't care. "There, problem solved." I said happily, grabbing the remnants of my hair.

"You do not put much stock into your appearance."

"I'm not like that. I don't have makeup, I don't do dresses, and my hair I prefer it short so it's less hassle." I shrugged. I turned around and put my hand on his head. "Yours need to be cut. Otherwise it's only going to continue to fall in your eyes. That's not a good way to fight." Fenris shrugged off my hand before continuing on his own. I scowled.

Damn broody elf.

9:32 Solace 18th

I washed my arms as the mother that gave birth next to me slept in her cot. I caught Anders trying to deliver and went into help. The birth was successful. I just got body parts all over me. Anders gave me some loose fitting tunics to wear to change into. I took off my shirt and put it aside. I put on the light green under tunic on first then the darker one on top. I looked weird since I still had my greaves, gloves, and boots on.

Anders was checking the child to see if there were any anomalies. There weren't and the baby was healthy.

"You do good work Anders." I said as the parents rested in one of his patient beds. I had made him a cool herbal tea for him. He wiped the sweat off his brow and rested in one of his chairs.

"Thank you. I didn't expect you to visit me during this time. I'm sorry about your armor and your clothes." He chuckled sheepishly.

"Ah don't worry about it. Nothing like a good cleaning to make sure that everything is alright. With that you don't have to worry about it. Thank you for the lender though." I said, patting his head. I sat opposite him and took a sip of the herbal tea.

"It looks good on you though it makes you more boyish with that short hair. Ow!" I pinched his cheek.

"That's worse than the whole 'no boobs' comment you made back in Amaranthine." I huffed.

"You were really mad. You slapped me!" He whined.

"You called them small!"

"They are!" He countered. I raised my hand again and he flinched.

"Yeah that's what I thought." I stuck my tongue out and he chuckled. "Have you visited anyone else?"

"There are a few times where I've wandered into Hightown. Hawke has made a name for herself. I'm surprised. I keep on trying to help me to free the mages. She's in a position that she can now! She's an example to look forward to for all mages! Whenever I try to convince her though, she tells me it's not her problem. She finally has all she needs which is to make sure her mother is looked after. She's being selfish." Anders huffed.

"Is it really that bad though? I know I've helped through slightly but you can't push someone to accept your opinion Anders. She wants a normal life with her mom and her brother. That's something to respect." I said.

"She's the only one I know that has had both parents with her growing up, having a family, having money, status so that no Templar can touch her. If she would get a position and then use that to help the mages, this city wouldn't be on the verge of being taken over by Templars!" Anders stated, rising from his seat. I chuckled.

"Taken over by Templars? They're still all gathered in the gallows in the middle of the lake."

"And yet a few of the mages I've saved are still being tracked down by them. It's never ending." Anders growled.

"You know why Anders, the phylacteries. You can save them as many times, release them as many times, but in the end that's the one thing that keeps them from being truly free. Templars use the phylacteries to track them down. Unlike in Denerim, we don't know where they are."

"I should have destroyed all the ones in Denerim. I had the chance!" Anders paced again. "They were right there in front of me but I only cared for myself! All I destroyed was my phylactery when all those other mages are in servitude!" The glow came back again and I stood up and grabbed him. I felt that irresistible pull.

It was an odd feeling, to reach out inside of him. I felt that weird tunnel vision as whatever was inside me, reached toward Anders. Then it stopped and it retreated, both of our energies went back inside of us. Anders held his head and I held his hand.

"I was selfish." Anders confessed.

"Now you understand what Hawke feels. She's normal for wanting to protect her own family. You have Justice inside of you that wants more. Feel better?" Anders leaned against me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Yes. Thank you. You seem to always pull me from my darker moments." He chuckled.

"I try." I chuckled. I hugged him close to me. This was what I wanted for a long time. Fenris…

That was a strange moment for me. When I hugged Anders, all I could think was how stubborn Fenris was that he didn't allow me to pet his head and how he was avoiding me even after the incident with Isabela's failed lead.

I pushed Anders away and went back to my seat.

"Besides you ranting at Hawke for mage power, what else have you been doing?" I asked. Anders looked shocked for a moment before clearing his throat. "You're getting red."

"Just the heat I guess. Well the few times that I've helped a few mages out and thank you again for that passage you found. It seems that the Templars haven't found that path for now." Anders took a drink from his cup. "I've heard you've been busy. With teaching those in the Alienage, helping the Dalish, and even going over to help the stranded refugees here."

"I've also been helping everyone else though I will never again help Isabela on one of her schemes." I shook my head.

"You are much nobler than the nobles who live in Hightown." Anders chuckled.

"Like I said, I try. I have the power and the money to do something good so I'm doing it. It's better than to stay at home being ignored." I huffed.

"Ignored?"

"Fenris has been ignoring me for the past month and I have no idea why. He shuts his door now and he doesn't even review the books that I've given him. I don't know what's wrong with him." I pouted.

"Did you do something to make him angry? That's remarkably easy." Anders chuckled.

"No, I don't think so." Besides me petting his head.

"At least breakfast is better now that he isn't there." Anders said and I pinched his cheek again.

"Don't say that. It worries me that he's being like this. I can't catch him either so I can't ask him why." I sighed.

"Leave him be. Who knows what's going through his head?" Anders shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess so." I frowned.

"Your heart is too big Nia. You need to be careful with that. Worrying about everyone will eventually break you." Anders patted my head and I held his hand.

"I think I can handle the burden." I said intertwining our fingers.

"You can't carry the world." Anders chuckled.

"I can try."

"And if you fall?" Anders asked. I looked up at him and smirked.

"Well…someone once told me that the only way I will know that I can fly is if I can fall."

9:32 Solace 20th

"Just like a blade is an extension or your arm, magic can also be an extension of your body. You feel it rise within you and you control it. You control the flow and no one else. Go on, try it again." I explained to Feynriel. He was still having problems managing his magic. He nodded. Marethari, Feynriel, and I were out in a clearing in the mountains away from the main camp. He summoned a fire in his hand. Marethari expertly made a barrier around her and I. Feynriel bit his lip before the fire he had grew bigger and bigger. He sent it toward us. The barrier didn't falter in the least.

There was a ring of fire around us that was snuffed out by Marethari. She nodded in approval.

"You are improving in your control." Marethari said.

"How are you in the dreams?" I asked coming up to Feynriel.

"It's odd. Sometimes I get fearful but I try to remember what you said. There are a few times when I wander and find...memories." Feynriel described.

"Memories?"

"Of the mountain. There were many other Dalish that came by to pay their respects. I watch them as they settle for a few years and then leave. It's...very interesting actually. The demons are still there though..."

"And they will always be there to tempt you. You must not lose control. The power you have is rare and should a demon manage to possess you, the result will be an extremely powerful abomination." Marethari explained. Feynriel became paler.

"Hey Marethari, can I walk with Feynriel alone?" I asked. Marethari nodded. She grabbed her tomes and headed back to the camp. I patted Feynriel on the shoulder. "I know she means well but you can't always be a person full of fear and anxiety."

"But what she's saying isn't wrong though..." Feynriel fidgeted with his shirt.

"No. If a demon managed to possess you with your fade walking abilities, they would be able to kill people in their dreams." I explained. Feynriel gulped audibly. "But that won't happen to you."

"How do you know? How can you be so sure that one day I won't wake up a demon?" Feynriel asked.

"Because the thing about demons? You always have to invite them in. They can knock, bang, shout at the door and at you, but you hold the key. All you have to do is say no." I chuckled. Feynriel nodded. I motioned ahead and he followed me. "You have a very rare gift Feynriel. I say gift because it is. I know the Chant of Light, I live right by the Chantry. I hear it all the time. I know the Chantry wants you to accept fear but fear isn't the answer. Let me ask you something Feynriel, if you were a ruler do you think it would be better to be loved by your people or feared by your people?"

"It would be better if you were loved right? Because people eventually get tired of being feared like the slaves that revolted against the Tevinter slavers in Kirkwall." He answered. I nodded and we walked to a pool of water that was near the camp.

"Good answer. It's not too hard to use that as well for magic. If you keep on using fear then you have less control but once you grow to love your magic...life becomes that much beautiful." I said, watching the pool of water ripple with the wind blowing it.

"How do you know so much?" Feynriel asked. I looked back and smiled at him.

"Because I know. I think this would serve as a good memory for you as well. I haven't been around like this in a really long time. The feel of it is so nostalgic." I sighed.

"What do you mean?" Feynriel asked. I laughed.

"Think about it. How did we get here in the first place? I'm pretty surprised you have the surrounding area down." I said. Feynriel thought about it before he gaped at me.

"This is the fade..."

We woke up. I rubbed my face. That feeling of homesickness grew in my chest but I pushed it down. I got up from where I napped and saw Feynriel sit up abruptly. He looked around the tent before settling on me. Marethari came in with some cool herbal tea. Feynriel gaped at me, his mouth moving but no words coming out.

"I think we surprised him Marethari." I laughed. She shook her head at me before going out.

"But how-!"

"Oh don't look at me. All I did was nap next to you. You brought me in your dream by accident I think." I took a sip of my tea. He sat in front of me, waving his hands, trying to speak.

"Th...That...that was probably the best sleep I've ever had in...years! How...you...I don't understand." Feynriel said. I chuckled and patted him on the head.

"You will in time."

* * *

 **Well so since we are getting closer to the end of the month I have an announcement to make. I will stop updating on Oct 21 and won't come back until late Nov. The reason? After 5 years, I get to visit my family down in mexico, 2 weeks. So why am I going to be gone for a month? I'm bringing my Grandmother back with me. She and my mother haven't seen each other for over 20 years. 20 YEARS. And I'm going to be reuniting them. My grandmother is going to be staying with me and I want to play catch up with my family. Don't worry, it's just a break. I can't give up on this story. Not only do I love it, I love you guys too much as well!**

 **Still doing a few drawings for my DA stories! Just PM or review on what you want!**

 **Shout out to Shattered Soul 2021, ALotOfNerdyThings, kilgaxe, Augustus Featherwing, Onistu Blackfeather for favoriting/following!**

 **OnkelJo:** _Sebastian is hard to write. No matter how many times I re-read his dialogue, I need to constantly go back to make sure it flows very well. yeah, archers suck in_ DA2.  
 **Anemone Iris Sidera:** _Yes.  
_ **Shattered Soul 2021:** _Wow so many questions! So I'm guessing you're for NiaxEveryone huh? I cried so hard after the trespasser DLC though for my opinion on Solas...I can't say much until my DAI story x3_  
 **Ariel:** _It's yamiayala . deviantart . com :3 remove the spaces.  
_ **EG:** _If I tried to write everything I think it's going to happen in the next game, it would make this too long. I guess you're a Solas fan huh?_ xD  
 **Onistu Blackfeather:** _Well you're going to just have to read to find out no?_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, Augustus Featherwing, and Dforce76 for your review! Please Review!**


	24. The Missing Pages part 4

9:32 August 1st

Hawke invited me go to the Chantry for All Soul's Day. I declined. It didn't feel right to go and celebrate in their holiday if I didn't believe in Andraste. Instead I stayed home and got a few candles. I sent up a small batch of food, sweets, as well as incense. All Soul's Day reminded me of the Day of the Dead. I set up my ofrenda and prayed for all the people that I knew that lost their life.

I was even able to find a spyglass that looked just like the one Sigrun carried.

The incense was sweet smelling as it filled the room. It was one of the many rooms that I've cleaned and cleared. It had a few bookshelves but nothing else. It was more of a reading room though I barely used it.

I knelt on both knees, keeping my back straight, the cross of reed in my hands, my prayer coming out silently. Once I was done, I took the cross and laid it with the food that I had. I sighed and got up. I took a plate and filled it with food. I went up the stairs and knocked on the door to Fenris' room. He didn't open it.

I was getting tired of this avoiding behavior. This was my house and, damn it, I have the main say here! I tried the handle and it opened. Fenris looked annoyed that I opened the door as he sat back drinking his wine.

"I do have the right to privacy." Fenris huffed.

"Fenris, I have come here to ask you why you are avoiding me." I put my hand on my hip, the other hand holding the food. I was getting answers.

"I am not." Fenris looked away.

"Bullshit." I said, placing the food at his table. He reached for it and I slapped his hand away, standing in front of it. He glared at me. "I'm not letting you eat unless you tell me what is wrong. What did I do?" Fenris looked away and drank.

"You did not do anything." He mumbled.

"Then why all of this Fenris?" I asked, waving my hands over us. "We barely talk, you don't even read to me anymore, and you don't even go out with me to get food. We were doing good so far so what happened? What changed?" Fenris got up all of a sudden and got really close to me. I felt my face flush from his sudden closeness. I backed up but the back of my knee hit the table. He raised his hand and I looked away.

"Don't move." Fenris said softly. It stirred something inside. That husky, rough voice…I never noticed it before then. He cupped my face in his hands, the tattoos shocked me slightly.

Then he pinched both of my cheeks and squished my face together. Fenris chuckled at the funny face he made me make. I huffed as he let go and got his plate.

"You! You are evil and that hurt!" I said, rubbing my cheeks.

"What were you expecting?" Fenris raised his eyebrow and smirked. My face flushed.

"Nothing." I cleared my throat.

"I was thinking. Something did change." Fenris said, starting to eat. I sat down and waited for his answer. "I do not feel any reaction when you touch me."

"…That's it?" I wondered.

"You must remember that in of it is strange for me. I have not depended, relied, or trusted anyone. Then you came along. It…you have changed me. I'm not sure how to…react to these changes." Fenris had trouble saying this.

"Is that why you've locked yourself in here? To better handle those changes?" I asked.

"Yes." Fenris stated. I sighed loudly and put my head in my hands. I started to chuckle which turned into a full blown laugh. "What?"

"Jesus Christ Fenris! All this time you had me worried! Oh God, I thought I did something that would make you mad at me or something really bad happened to you! Do you know how worried I was?" I was relieved that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

"I…apologize." Fenris cleared his throat.

"Next time Fenris please don't do the silent treatment. It kinda hurt when you did all of this. Oh man…" I chuckled as I put my face in my hands. I rubbed my face and he patted me on the head.

"I apologize." Fenris said softly. Every time his fingers brushed my head, it shocked me slightly. It didn't hurt too much though. I think I was getting used to it. His hand left and I smiled at him.

"I'm glad that we've cleared the misunderstanding. Here, I'll take your plate." I said.

"Thank you. What is that smell?" Fenris wondered.

"Hm?"

"You smell differently."

"Oh I put on some incense in one of the rooms. Today is All Soul's Day. You remember the dead today and pray for them. They have a bonfire going in the Chantry Courtyard. Hawke invited me but I decided not to go. I'm not Andrastian." I shrugged.

"You have mentioned that from what I remember." Fenris said.

"Yeah, I believe in something else. I don't feel comfortable in a Chantry because of that. Well that's the reason why I smell differently. If it's that bad I can change." I suggested.

"No. You smell sweet." Fenris chuckled.

"Thanks." I giggled, going out of the room. My heart felt light as a feather as I washed Fenris' plate. He wasn't mad at me. He was going through his changes so of course he would want time alone. He needed to figure out that he needed to tell me these things so I wouldn't be worried so damn much.

9:32 August 7th

I was lying down in Anders' bed, my phone in my hands. It's been ages since I charged it. Anders was able to and was going through his pile of papers to see what needed keeping. I went through the photos of my family, my son, daughter, husband. It was so foreign to me after all this time. I had a piece of technology that this world would probably never achieve in my lifetime.

I sighed, putting it down. I pushed down on my eyes. It still hurt even after five years.

"I told you, you were going to cry." Anders said sitting in a desk with a few jars in his hands.

"Shush." My voice was heavy and the lump was in my throat. I sniffed and wiped a few stray tears.

"How long has it been?" Anders asked.

"Five years." I cleared my throat. "My kids are growing without me Anders. What kind of mother does that makes me?" I half chuckled and half sobbed.

"At least you are making an effort to go back home." Anders said softly.

"I'm just waiting Anders. Halo doesn't even speak to me anymore." I said, curling in on myself.

"Nia…" Anders said but I shook my head. He lightly shook my arm.

"Go away." I pouted.

"Well this is my bed you're in." Anders laid down next to me. I felt him spooning me from behind, his head on top of mine.

"Anders I'm trying to be sad." I sniffled.

"I'm not telling you to stop." He chuckled. "You can cry in my chest if you want to." I picked up my phone again and went through the photos. I turned to face him and showed him my kids.

"That's Mr. Juicy and that's my Turkey." I giggled, a few tears coming down.

"What?" Anders laughed.

"Those are their nicknames, don't look at me it was their dad that picked them out." I lightly chuckled. I played a video of them playing together.

"This is still weird." Anders chuckled.

"You'd get culture shock if you ever saw my world then." My heart filled with warmth as I went passed the photos of when they were born to the most recent one that I had of them.

"You rarely have pictures of your husband." Anders stated.

"He never liked taking them. Oh here's one." I showed it to him. Anders snorted before clearing his throat.

"…I…well, I would never have guessed your preference." He was trying not to laugh.

"I don't have preferences Anders, I'm not shallow. I've been with taller, shorter, lean, fit, pudgy. There's only one thing I always look for in a man." I said.

"What's that?" Anders asked, turning toward me.

"The hands." I said, putting down my phone and putting my arms out. My hands were right in front of me. They were so different from before. I mean, I had scars and burn marks and my hands weren't too feminine since I worked in the kitchen but now…these were the hands of a fighter. I had callouses, rough patches of skin, more scars and yet these were the hands that could protect. These were hands that was able to do good things. "Hands can tell you a lot about a man and I want man hands, no softness, no manicured fingers or anything. Big and rough, that's what a man's hands are supposed to be."

Anders put out his own arm next to mine. It was odd that my arms were larger than his own. My muscles were more pronounced than his own. He chuckled softly.

"Mine are nowhere near as manly as yours. Ow!" I pinched him.

"No but your hands are much more important." I said, sitting up and taking his hands in my own. I turned them around and felt a few scars. They were rough but his fingers were longer than mine. "These are a healer's hands and are the rarest but the best kind." Anders smiled at me.

"Already a year we've been together." He said, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles.

"I know right? You should be lucky I tolerate you." I said, flicking his nose.

"Hey!"

9:32 August 10th

"Cullen!" I giggled.

"Knight Captain. Must I keep telling you that I am not here for your amusement?"

"You have the best faces, I can't help it." There was no reason for me to come to the gallows except to give a report on Anders on the situation. We had a run in with Alrik, the one who wanted the Tranquil Solution and I was going around to see how many tranquil were around. It bothered me that I saw a few that I recognized as mages to being tranquil. Cullen rolled his eyes at me. "So I noticed that there are more tranquil in the Gallows nowadays."

"Knight Commander Meredith orders them to be tranquil if they are not strong enough for their harrowing. It is a price they must pay for their weakness." Cullen explained.

"Seems like the easier path than helping them past their weakness. Children can't learn if their teacher sucks." I replied. Cullen sighed again and rubbed his face.

"All right since you have such a way with people, what would you do with weak mages?" He asked.

"Everyone has to be good at something right? Just because you can't get the hang of it the first time doesn't mean that you're weak. I had a friend that sucked in everything except being an Arcane Warrior." I said.

"Those do not exist." Cullen huffed.

"Oh but they do my Knight Captain." I playfully smirked at him. Cullen rolled his eyes. "It's true. Me and the other Grey Wardens went into these ruins in the Brecilian Forest and found an ancient phylactery that held the soul of an ancient elf. He taught my friend the way of using his magic to empower himself. Now he's in Soldier's Peak doing research into his talent and he sucked with everything else!"

"So you would teach all those who we deem weak?"

"Yes. One on one teaching on what they are good at. Magic can be used in a number of ways! Think of the possibilities! A mage doesn't have to be good at everything, they can specialize you know. You can't just tranquil all of them you know. It's almost like you would imprison someone because they might do a crime. You can't do that. Innocent till proven guilty." I explained.

"You cannot draw similarities between mages and normal people. Their power can kill with a single thought or control those of lesser minds. If there is a sign of them dipping into those forbidden reservoirs, we must act. There is more at stake than one single life." Cullen retorted.

"So you would sacrifice the needs of one for the needs of many?" I asked.

"At any given moment, yes, if it means saving hundreds of lives at the sacrifice of one mage." Cullen growled. "I am not here to play your word games. You are either here for the shops or nothing more." He said, walking away. I sighed and rubbed my face. I pushed too far. I caught up to him and placed myself in front of him. I held out my hand.

"Truce."

"What?" Cullen looked at me confused.

"I'm sorry. My mouth sometimes runs on sometimes and I have no tact." I said sheepishly.

"Hmph, that is to be expected." Cullen scoffed.

"Yes, yes I know but…I want to be friends so truce?" I gave him a hopeful look. Cullen looked at my hand before he laughed.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes." I nodded and giggled. Cullen shook his head slightly and shook my hand.

"Truce." Cullen said. His armor shocked me but that was fine. I smile and did a sigh of relief.

"So on a lighter note, how do you get your hair like that?" I asked.

"What?"

"I bet the ladies love the curls." I teased. His face grew red.

"Th-That's…ahem, it just grows like that." He explained away.

"Wow and I thought I got red." I chuckled. "Oh wait, that means someone really likes those curls huh Cullen?"

"Knight Captain!"

9:32 Kingsway 8th

"So much did you get for betting on me?" I said as Fenris and I fought together in the main hall. I only had my boots and gloves on while wearing a loose fitting tunic and leggings. I flipped back from a swing and ducked low from a slash. There were a few cuts on me but I didn't mind. Fenris tried not to hurt me but it's hard to hold back.

"About…70 silvers…"

"Not-whoa! Bad!" I laughed as I twirled around him. We were back to back and I kicked behind his legs. He staggered. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I win." I said in his ear. "If I twisted it like this, you would be dead." I let go and I went to get the water skin at one of the benches.

"I was surprised that you won against her. Aveline being defeated in battle? Unheard of." Fenris chuckled as I passed him the water skin.

"Well it was a practice round. It wasn't like I was trying to kill her or something." I shrugged.

"Are you sure about that? You had hidden bloodlust behind those eyes." He smirked.

"Well I had to have some wits about me. This is Aveline we're talking about here. I couldn't fight against her all half-assed. She would be mad at me." I laughed.

"And if you were to fight against me without holding anything back?" He asked.

"I'd kill you for sure. Aren't you glad that you're my friend?" I said, poking his chest.

"How are you sure?"

"Do you really think I've shown you everything I can do? I always have something up my sleeve in case something happens." I chuckled confidently.

"What is that?"

"That's a secret." I giggled. "Anyway, I should get cleaned up. Leandra has me going through some more of her noble training. Maybe you should go through it, at least the posture part." I said, poking his back.

"I am not doing that." He swatted me away.

"Then stop hunching!" I slapped his back. I laughed while he growled.

9:32 Firstfall 13th

"If it wasn't for the fact that you gave me mind blowing good sex that one time, you would be the type of person I hate." Isabela said, eating my soup.

"And what is the type of person you hate?" I said, in my chair with another book in my hands.

"You help people without any reason, just like that. You give away money like it was water, not to mention all the freebies to all the refugees that slink around the place." She complained.

"They came here trying to run from the darkspawn and can't go home anymore." I reasoned.

"Then send them back to Ferelden. They should stop sucking on your tits and go back to leeching off the Bannorn or something." She mumbled.

"Sending all those people back and to no jobs? They'll still be homeless." I explained.

"Then that's their problem. You shouldn't be letting them run you dry." Isabela huffed. I laughed.

"Isabela, I have tons of gold." I shrugged. She gave me that cat like smirk.

"Is that so?" She said, coming closer to me.

"You can't get to it of course. It's all in the bank at Orzammar. I take out what I need." I waved her away.

"From the Gardens right? The one you own half of?" She asked.

"Only in Orzammar. It turns out they're trying to make Kal'Hirol into one as well. It had tons of underground rivers and it would be a good place for them. I wish I could be there to help them." I sighed wistfully, putting my chin in my hand.

"You are too pure kitten." She chuckled. My smile dropped.

"…No I'm not. All the good deeds I do? I do them so my guilty conscience can leave me alone. I have taken lives after lives. If I can at least give one life a chance from all the ones I took? Then I can hate myself a little less." I whispered. Isabela got up and hugged me from behind.

"It's that type of darkness that makes me want you. That purity you go off showing, the smile with a hidden agenda, it's like you are something forbidden. And I know you have that wild side hiding inside of you." She purred in my ear.

"Isabela I'm not having sex with you again. What happened isn't going to happen again. Go hit on Fenris or something." i tried to get out of her grasp. It only made her hug me tighter.

"One day I'll get under your skin kitten." She whispered in my ear.

"Not today Isabela."

9:32 Haring 12th

"You ever thought about putting all of this into a book or something Knives?" Varric asked. Fenris, him, and I were playing cards.

"You mean the drabble I sent to you?" I wondered, as I took out another card and expertly shifted it to get what I wanted.

"Yeah that whole forbidden romance thing between a mage and Templar." Varric described. I had been writing a few original stories here and there to keep my mind occupied when I woke up from my nightmares. Varric found a piece of it and encouraged me to continue.

"Is that what you have been writing?" Fenris asked. He has caught me a few times on the table writing out a few scenes.

"Besides the journal entries? Yes." I nodded.

"Where do you even find the time to do all of this?" Fenris wondered, taking a card.

"I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes. I don't think people would want to read it though…" I pouted.

"Knives forbidden romances are all the rage, all the time. If you need help, I can always give you a hand." Varric chuckled.

"Hm…do you really think it would do well?" I wondered.

"Clean up your grammar and it will be a hit, I guarantee it." Varric reassured me. I drew my card and swapped it for another. I smiled really big when I thought about it. It was always one of my dreams to become a writer and now I have the opportunity and time to do it!

"Well that's the first time you've broken your poker face." Varric laughed.

"The angel." Fenris said.

"I won." I said, putting down my cards. Varric and Fenris groaned. "You really think I could do it? I won't go ahead unless you are absolutely positive about all of this."

"Knives, I wouldn't even mention it if it was going to blow. Do it. I have a feeling this will become big." Varric chuckled.

"Then I'll make sure to pour my heart out into it!" I giggled.

9:33 Wintermarch 1st

"Come on Fenris, just, you see? That's how you put it together." I said, making sure that the cloak that Leandra gave him was nice and tight. It was chilly outside. "Now that you're bundled up, we can head over to Hawke's house." I said, carrying a basket of fresh bread.

"Why are we doing this?"

"It's the New Year Fenris and it's First Day! Time to see everyone and party!" I chuckled. Fenris scoffed and I poked his cheek. "Come on Fenris! Get into the party mood."

"Ha, ha." He said flatly.

"Yes because that is what I wanted." I rolled my eyes. My breath was coming out in wisps. Another year has passed. I've been here for five full years, going on six years now. I'm twenty nine. I'm almost thirty! Gah! I opened the door to the Hawke Estate. The foyer was nice though there were a few bite marks on the benches. I heard a few barks and I saw Jarvis heading toward us. He circled around us barking happily.

"Do not slobber over me." Fenris said. Jarvis wagged his butt as we came in.

"My lady!"

"Bodahn you know you don't have to call me that." I chuckled as he took our cloaks.

"Oh I can't call you anything but my lady! Please this way. Everyone has gathered in the dining room." Bodahn said, leading us to the festivities.

"Hi pretty lady!" Sandal said, clapping his hands.

"Hey Sandal." I said, patting his head. I gave him a sweet roll from the basket and he gave me a smile like the sun.

"Thank you for sweets!" He giggled.

"You're welcome." I chuckled. We went upstairs and everyone was waiting for us around the dining table. The table was stock full of food and it smelled heavenly. Everyone was talking animatedly.

"Happy First Day!" Hawke shouted from her seat. I laughed and put the bread on the table, taking off the cover so everyone can see what I baked. It was mostly simple bread with a few sweet spices mixed in.

"Happy First Day everyone." I said. Hawke put her arm around my shoulders and sniffed my bread.

"Whoa that looks good!" Hawke said.

"It smells delicious!" Merrill giggled.

"Here." Anders said, pulling a chair for me.

"Thank you." There was one extra seat next to me though and Fenris took that one. They both glared at each other. "Stop that you two, we're here to eat not kill each other."

"Although we would like to see some entertainment." Hawke said. I rolled my eyes.

"I could provide it if you truly want it Hawke." Isabella purred.

"Don't even try it." Aveline said.

"Now, now. Since it is First Day, I think we should celebrate it right." Varric said, bringing out two large bottles and putting them on the table. "Wilhelm's Special Brew, direct from Honnleath and Antivan Brandy from yours truly." Isabella squealed.

"Those are some hard liquors." Carver said.

"Which we will not drink until we have finished our food." Leandra said, coming up and sitting down. "Eva?"

Hawke did a small grace prayer.

"Now can we eat?" Merrill wondered.

"Yes Daisy, we can eat now." Varric laughed.

"Here try this with the soup!" Merrill offered Carver.

"Anders you need to eat your carrots." I said.

"Carver are you sure you aren't interested in some of these books I have?" Isabela purred.

"You are getting red brother!" Hawke laughed.

"Guard Captain, Hawke vs Anders?" Varric asked.

"Hawke." Aveline stated.

"Hey!" Anders said.

"Nia! Remember your training." Leandra scolded.

"Fine…" I mumbled.

The food went out quickly and soon the booze was brought out. Merrill sputtered and we had to get something weaker for her. Anders and Hawke coughed after their first drink. Varric, Isabella, Fenris, and I were the only ones that could handle it well. Carver hacked up and decided not to drink anymore. Aveline surprised everyone when she downed all of her cup at once.

"Oh Aveline, where have you been hiding this all this time?" Varric chuckled.

"Shut up Varric and pour me another drink." Aveline smirked. I laughed.

"There is only one more thing that will make this night perfect!" Hawke said, bringing out her deck of Wicked Grace. We cleared the table and set out the cards.

"One more thing, it's strip so everyone needs to bet on their own clothing and no jewelry doesn't count." Isabella purred.

"Of course you would suggest that." I rolled my eyes.

"Afraid of losing kitten?" Isabela teased.

"Nope." I smirked.

"Oooh this is so exciting!" Merrill clapped her hands.

"Alright Rivain if that's what you want." Varric chuckled.

"Be ready to go through Hightown to Lowtown in the cold with nothing on." Aveline threatened.

"Isn't that getting you all hot and bothered?" Isabela teased.

"First draw! Place your bets people!" Hawke shouted.

Then the game was on. There were losers and there were winners and, in the end, I had lost my upper tunic, my boots, and my gloves. Fenris lost everything on his upper body. I kept on doing sneak peeks to check out his tattoos. The way they glowed fascinated me. They even show through his leggings! Varric lost his boots and gloves. Merrill lost her leggings and gloves. Hawke was almost down to her undies. Anders was shivering because he was down to his breeches. Carver lost his shirt and boots. Amazingly Aveline has only lost her breastplate and Isabella was topless. At least she had a bra underneath all of this.

"This is getting risqué." Hawke wondered, drawing another card.

"I'm determined to see your bare body again Kitten." Isabela stared at me.

"Then you'll be disappointed Isabela." I shrugged.

"Can we hurry this up? It's getting chilly." Anders shivered.

"Share your body heat with him Nia." Hawke mentioned.

"Shut up." I said, taking another sip from my cup.

"This is the most I've seen you drink Knives." Varric chuckled. I was getting tipsy.

"It's good. I had my experience with Brandy a while ago." I giggled.

"Zevran?" Isabela wondered.

"Zevran." I nodded.

"I still remember the night when-" She started.

"Seriously Isabela, be quiet. I had a threesome with you and Zevran, big whoop." I stuck my tongue out at her. She laughed.

"Mmm kitten has some claws." Isabela purred.

"How was that by the way? I'm curious, how do three people-" Merrill started.

"I'm going to stop you right there Daisy. There are things you are not supposed to know." Varric rubbed his face.

"Why do you even want to know that?" Carver asked.

"I'm interested." Merrill said sweetly.

"Then you should ask Anders. He has this neat lightning trick he uses." Isabela said.

"Oh!" Merrill giggled.

"No way!" Hawke laughed.

"What? Magic can be used like that too." Anders shrugged.

"It is most likely due to the fact that you cannot pleasure her any other way." Fenris said. I laughed. I nearly fell off my seat.

"Nia!" Anders shouted.

"Sorry, sorry but you just got burned!" Ooooooooooh. Damn it, that was awesome.

"I have the Angel!" Merrill said.

"Anders, my condolences." I chuckled. He grabbed his robes before anyone could stop him and ran for the door. We all burst out laughing.

"I think we should stop here. It's getting late and I should be out there making sure there aren't any thugs taking advantage tonight." Aveline said, getting her armor.

"Aw! I wanted to see kitten without her clothes again…" Isabela mumbled, trying to inch closer to me.

"Sorry to disappoint." I said, getting my things before she could grab them.

"I was able to see Fenris though." Isabela winked.

"It will be the only chance you get." He retorted.

"Those lyrium tattoos are literally everywhere aren't they? They're so pretty." Merrill wondered.

"Say that again and I will not be kind the next time we meet." Fenris growled.

"They do glow." Carver said.

"I wonder how do they feel-" Hawke reached out her hand. I grabbed onto Hawke's hand before she was able to touch him.

"They hurt him so don't touch them." I said softly.

"Hey you ever wondered if you can use your gift for something else? Maybe you can phase your hand into someone's pockets?" Varric suggested.

"I will try it and let you know." Fenris smirked.

"Don't do it on Nia. She carries her coin in her breasts. Not like she has a lot of it…" Carver snickered.

"Carver I will knock you flat on your ass the next time you say that." I gave him a creepy smile.

"There would be nothing to feel." Fenris chuckled.

"Oh you are going to pay for that comment." I lightly shoved him.

"Have a good night you two! Don't leave her in the bed with cramps!" Hawke laughed.

"Hawke piss off!" I grabbed my cloak and Fenris' to put it on him and we went out. I tripped slightly and my face was red.

"You are drunk." Fenris chuckled.

"No such thing Fenris I am slightly tipsy so…be careful and be patient with me." I giggled.

"Why careful?" He asked.

"Because I feel that snuggle feeling again." I hugged myself to emphasize my point.

"The what?" He raised his eyebrow.

"I want to hug you and snuggle into you." I said, grabbing his arm and rubbing my face into it. I giggled as Fenris flinched but he didn't push me away.

"You are definitely drunk." Fenris said leading me back into the mansion.

"Home sweet home!" I put my cloak away and I stumbled near the stairs. Fenris held me by my waist.

"With the way you are, you would have fallen." His voice sounded extra husky.

"Then help me!" I giggled. Fenris chuckled. He helped me up and I tripped on the last step and hugged him to regain my balance. I giggled and tried to rub my face on his chest. It didn't work out. "Mmm your armor doesn't make you snuggle material." I pouted.

"Good." Fenris said. I put my arms around his neck and snuggled my face into the crook of his neck.

"Like this you know. Don't get so tense…" I said softly. Damn liquor.

"That…you should not say words like that." Fenris said, his arms suspended, not hugging me back. His pulse getting quicker and I felt him gulp. I rubbed my face some more in the crook of his neck. I felt him clear his throat, his body stiff as a board. I realized what I was doing. I turned and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before going to my room.

"Happy First Day!" I giggled before shutting my door.

* * *

 **We hit 200 reviews! I couldn't have done it without all of you! :D Thank you all my viewers and reviewers, followers, and every guest imaginable!**

 **Shout out to WardenMahariel for favoriting/following!**

 **Augustus Featherwing:** _I thought people would like that! Yes, I know. I constantly re-read my chapters to see if I can spot any errors. :3_  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _Hah! Pulled a Solas...You have noticed the degradation of Anders I see. Good, good. I need more practice in my spanish...  
_ **Taffy and Sweetrolls:** _It won't be for another month. I'm just letting everyone know in advance :3  
_ **OnkelJo:** _Anders is more snuggly. I'm glad you liked it overall, Congrats on the 200th review!  
_ **EG:** _Can't give out my opinion. It would spoil too much of my DAI story. Also, I used to watch Doctor Who but when everyone started watching it, I got out. Some fans just ruin the series for me..._

 **Please Review!**


	25. The Missing Pages Part 5

9:33 Wintermarch 2nd

I am stupid. I am very stupid. I thought I could control this…but I can't. Last night made that perfectly clear to me. I'm starting to…like Fenris. I haven't felt this feeling in a very long time. I was hoping that nothing like this would happen to me. I tried so hard to make sure that my heart would stay true, that nothing like this would happen.

The heart isn't so easily controlled. I didn't even know when it started. I kept on thinking back and what started all of this was the fact that I wanted him to get used to physical contact.

I fell for Fenris…shit.

"I am very sorry for my behavior last night." I said after drinking something of a headache relief that Anders gave me. I ended up back in Fenris' room after debating whether I should say sorry or run the hell away from here. I chose to stay and confront my embarrassing behavior. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice anything strange.

"Why are you apologizing?" Fenris raised his eyebrow, another book in his hand.

"I snuggled into you. That wasn't something I should have done." I said, my face flushed from remembering. I rubbed it to try to calm down.

"How do you even get into those moods?" Fenris shook his head, chuckling. I took a long sigh and sat down across from him.

"It's…been a while. I was a very physical person with my husband. Don't, I didn't mean it like, well, anyway! Sometimes I get into this cuddle feeling that I really want to grab someone and snuggle. It's totally platonic and I didn't mean it in any other way! I knew it was uncomfortable for you since I did it without warning and there was you not being comfortable being touched and whatever." I said, fidgeting with my gloves and keeping my eyes low. I haven't felt this embarrassed in a really long time. I wanted to do a head-desk but the table was too low.

"You did not do any harm. It was…sudden though." Fenris sheepishly chuckled, his face flushing slightly. It made me redder.

"Yes I know and I won't ever do it again. Ever." I cleared my throat. My flushed face not going away. Fenris chuckled.

"I am not angry." He shook his head, a playful smile on his face.

"I…sorry. Well, now that I have thoroughly embarrassed myself, do you want to continue? Hawke gave me a few books from her library. She said that she had a few extra copies of them. If you want to read Isabela's smut, please don't read while I'm around." The redness faded from my face a bit but I was flushed overall. Fenris chuckled.

I had a thought of how his throat must vibrate when he chuckles and how I would like to feel that. I won't deny that Fenris was attractive but I noticed more than that. He would fidget with his spikes every so often. He would complain about stepping in things but would never put on regular boots. He would rub at his tattoos when they were bothering him. He would have this thoughtful look whenever he read something serious. His eyes shined when the light hit them just right.

I need to let out this frustration and guilt. Damn it. This is what I didn't want to happen.

But it did so now I have to live with it. Stupid me.

9:33 Wintermarch 14th

"Cullen!" I giggled.

"Knight…oh why do I even bother?" Cullen shook his head. I let out a fake shocked gasp.

"No Cullen you need to berate me and say 'Knight Captain!' The game wouldn't be fun unless you do that!" I said, wisps of cold breath coming out. Small snowflakes drifted toward the ground while Cullen and I took shelter under a roof near the tranquil shops.

"What is the point if you will do it regardless?" Cullen gave be an annoyed look.

"You are no fun." I pouted and crossed my arms.

"I am a Templar that needs to guard-" He started.

"Yes, yes, you repeat the same spiel every single time I come here." I said, waving my hand to shush him.

"Only because you refuse to listen to me." He mumbled and rolled his eyes.

"Because it's fun annoying you!" I giggled.

"Joy." He said flatly, looking out at the courtyard that was starting to gain a layer of snow.

"Come on Cullen smile!" I said showing him my own toothy grin. He gave me a long look.

"You are troubled by something aren't you?" He asked suddenly. It caught be off guard. The smile disappeared with a look of surprise. I let out a small sigh and looked away.

"…How did you know?" I asked.

"I know when you smile and you mean it. This happiness you are trying to sell me is not what you truly feel." Cullen replied. I gave him a sidelong glance before looking away again. That surprised me though, considering the fact that I come here nearly two times a month, I guess it wasn't too surprising that he would notice when I was faking or not. I looked at the snow that was drifting down. I fidgeted with some of the scratches on my armor.

"I…broke a promise. A very important promise and…I hate myself for it." I whispered.

"What was it?" He asked.

"I'm married Cullen." I said bluntly. His face grew red and he rubbed the back of his neck. "But I can't go home. It's been…six years now since I appeared in Ferelden. I was…banished and my family is back home. I don't know when I can go back…" I looked at the ring on my finger. "I fell in love with another man." I sighed.

"Six years is a long time to wait for someone." He tried to comfort me.

"I have no doubts that my husband already moved on but…I still have hope and faith that I'll be able to return to be with him. Stupid huh?" I chuckled softly.

"…No, I do not believe so." He shook his head.

"Yet…my heart has chosen someone else…I made a promise with this ring. Till death do us part, so why did I have to fall for someone else?" I said softly.

"Sometimes…you cannot control who you fall in love with." Cullen said with a far off look. I knew that look.

"Was it a mage?" I asked.

"That-!" Cullen's face grew extremely red.

"Right on the coin huh?" I laughed. Cullen sighed, a wisp coming out. The snow came down quietly as I waited for him to talk.

"I do not believe it was love, maybe infatuation? Her name was Solana Amell." He rubbed his face and sighed.

"She was related to Hawke?" I wondered.

"I believe it was her cousin." Cullen's face grew softer. "She was this small mousy thing. I often saw Talen and her spend time in the library together. They didn't talk much though. Talen's personality drew people away from him."

"He is rather blunt and crass." I agreed. Cullen chuckled.

"That he is. I found her many times in the Chantry, wondering why she was given such a burden. She would speak softly to me often, asking me about my day, how Templars gain their abilities, and so on. She was untouchable, pure, curious. I was drawn to her. My eyes always found her whenever she passed, I always heard her speak even from across the room. She was a bright light in that tower." Cullen smiled. I had never seen him in this light. Past the armor and bad memories...was a broken man. I wanted to pet his head and tell him it was all going to be ok. That he would probably be meant for greater things. That this wasn't his low point in life. In the end, I shuffled my feet next to him and resisted the urge.

"What happened?" I asked. Little by little I discovered the other origins fates. They weren't pretty. Aeducan was gone, as well as Mahariel, and Tabris became the Arl of Denerim. Cullen sighed.

"She was schedule for her harrowing after Talen's and she passed, quickly I might add. She was very happy when she moved into the mage's quarters. Then Uldred came back from Ostagar along with Wynne and the few mages that survived. Solana…she protected a few apprentices from blood mages. She survived the events but…her mind was shattered. When Knight Commander Greagoir finally mended things, she requested to be tranquil." His jaw set. I regretted asking.

"What? But she was harrowed! She was fine." I said.

"She saw the horrors and could not accept that same power lied in her…She chose that path for herself." Cullen growled, his fist clenching.

"And…if there was a way to reverse it?" I asked.

"There is no reversal for Tranquility…and even if there was, I doubt that she would willingly undergo it. She wanted to be free of her curse and, at that time, I believed that it was the best for her." He sighed, the years showing on his face.

"And now?" I wondered.

"I do not know. I sometimes think I see her in these walls as well but…those visions are fleeting." He sighed a large wisp of cold breath.

"Those feelings don't go away Cullen…not for a long time." I said.

"And what will you do with your feelings?" He asked, looking at me. I bit my lip and let out a defeated sigh.

"I'm…not sure…We're both fools aren't we?" I chuckled. He ruffled my hair and laughed and it was clear as the snow.

9:33 Guardian 11th

"You're getting better on the chapters Knives. I can sense the frustration between the two." Varric chuckled, reading over my rough drafts of the story I'm writing.

"I'm glad you like it. It's hard getting everything down and done, especially with everything I have to do." I said, small knives in my hand. I was trying to practice my knife throws. I threw one and it went way off target. I pouted before trying again.

"You work yourself to the bone. Teaching the city elves, going to the Dalish, helping Blondie, helping the refugees, cooking for nearly everyone, and now writing? Makes me wonder where you find all the time to do everything." Varric chuckled and shook his head. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I have nothing but time Varric. I'm not used to just staying in one place doing nothing. Even in Amaranthine I often went out with the guard to make sure all the trouble gets beaten down. I don't like not doing anything. My mind wanders and then I start thinking and thinking is bad for me." I said, throwing another knife. I had to keep myself occupied. Varric chuckled.

"I think that's the first time I've heard of that." Varric said, the scratch of his quill going through a few of my pages. I threw one and I hit the center! I did a mental fist pump.

"How goes the search for Bartrand?" I asked, gathering the ones I already threw from the board I was practicing on.

"Nothing." Varric scoffed. "It's like he dropped himself into another Deep Roads and failed to mention it to anyone. I have no idea where the bastard went to. You and Hawke will be the first ones to know once I do." Varric growled. I patted his head to calm him down though he swatted it away.

"Thank you Varric." I said.

"Also I've heard down a few connections that your friend Derek discovered a thaig…and left it in the dust." Varric gave me a smirk. I nodded before realizing it must have been that specific thaig.

"A thaig?" I wondered, looking away so Varric couldn't gouge my reaction. He's quick on things like that. I can't show that I knew about things I wasn't supposed to know.

"Amgarrak I think it was called. He ordered it shut and has various dwarves guarding to make sure no one can get inside. Apparently someone tried to replicate the Anvil of the Void with minimal success. I'm not sure what really happened there. People are very hush-hush about it." Varric said, setting aside the pages I gave him. I nodded and practiced again.

From the letters I've been getting it was true. Derek had confided in me what he saw there; a Harvester. A golem made up of flesh. I knew that he wanted to somehow recreate the Anvil, as much as Talen was against it. He found the thaig with House Dace, got the brother, killed the Harvester, and sealed it shut. Talen was pissed off at him from what I read.

I even heard that Talen, Eren, Wynne, and Shale found Cadash thaig a while back. They were trying to find out more about her past and found it. They were all still having adventures, well besides Eren. He had to care for Ferelden, his two children, and Anora.

Speaking of which, he hasn't been sending as many letters as before. He probably has too much on his plate now. Fergus tells me he rarely takes a break from the troubles of the country. Damn you Eren, you need to take care of yourself!

"When do you think you'll get the next chapter done?" Varric asked.

"I don't know, soon. I have about half of the next one done. I'll keep you posted." I said, throwing some more. Writing was also a healthy hobby of mine. I had to let out this frustration over Fenris somehow.

"Kitten!" Isabela said, coming into Varric's room.

"Hey Isabela." I said before she hugged me and put my face right in her boobs.

"You should have told me you were here!" Isabela giggled. I smelled the alcohol in her breath as she rubbed her face on my head.

"For what!? Get those out of my mmf!" Isabela planted her lips firmly on mine. Varric laughed.

"That never gets old!"

9:33 Cloudreach 19th

I try to do everything I possibly can to fill my day with things I must do. The reason behind it is because the nightmares usually keep me up. As long as I can tire myself out then everything will be fine. Unfortunately tonight wasn't one of those nights. Nightmares, people that I've killed, people that I let die, the future that I'm trying to stop. It all came out in a jumbled mess.

I have no one to share with that. I accepted a heavy burden when I decided to try to change the future.

I didn't want war, I didn't want innocents getting caught up in that stupid Mage-Templar war. I wanted peace. I wanted to make sure the Breach didn't happen. I have a chance here. If I am able to get to that point, I'll kill Janeka and Lairus. Corypheus must not be allowed to rise.

I can't help but think about the words that Flemeth told me about. There will always be a Hero, a Champion, and an Inquisitor. If she is able to know the things that I know, then she told me that it was all inevitable. I wouldn't be able to change anything.

Well I'm already changing things as I live here. The dwarves are rising again, Talen has made the Circle in Kinloch Hold a treasure amongst the mages, and Eren has made Ferelden strong again. I helped the casteless turn into farmers, I helped the Dalish regain a part of land that they can settle. Even now with the city elves and the refugees that I'm helping might shape the future. If that time comes, I'll be able to do something for the Inquisition.

But that hasn't happened yet. I need to look forward to what is happening now. The city of Kirkwall. I need to try to get as many refugees and mages out of here as I can. The less casualties the better. If we can save the Viscount then Meredith will have her hands tied.

If he dies I might be able to use my position against her. No matter what I won't let this horrible future happen.

I won't let my nightmares become reality.

9:33 Bloomingtide 5th

I hummed as I gathered the scrolls of vellum from the kids in the Alienage. They had a small quiz today. They are all playing right now. I sat back in a closed merchant's shop as I went through and corrected a few of their grammar and spelling mistakes. They've gotten better at their penmanship too. It wasn't too hard to come across supplies for them. A few of the older adolescents took it upon themselves to watch them during play time. Gave me more time to look over their work and figure out lessons plans as well.

"Excuse me your highness. Might we have a word?" I looked up and there was a couple in front of me. I've seen them around with that tired and hopeless look many of them share.

"Is there a problem?" I asked. I never saw them with any of the kids so I assumed that they didn't have a child enrolled.

"My name is Elliot and this is my wife, Merada. We have a favor to ask of you. We don't usually ask others for any sort of help but we have nowhere and no one to turn to." Elliot said, letting out a deep sigh. I nodded and put away the scrolls in my satchel.

"What is the problem?" I wondered.

"You have done so much for the children. I was wonder if you can share that same kindness to a child...that life has not been kind to." Elliot explained, fidgeting with his shirt.

"We have a niece. Her name is Arinda but..." Merada started but bit her lip. I waited patiently.

"She has led a troubled life. Can we move somewhere more...privately?" Elliot asked. I saw their hope in their faces as they talked to me. I nodded.

"Larcene! I need you to cover the later half of the class! Something came up." I said her from across the courtyard. She nodded while the kids kept on playing. I took the satchel and nodded at them. They led me through the Alienage's alleys until we came to their home. They opened it and it was modestly sized for an elf. Merada led me to a table and they both sat down. We had a moment of silence before Elliot began again.

"Your highness, what is your stance on mages?" Elliot asked.

"All mages are people, not weapons of mass destruction." When I informed them of that, I saw the tension lift from both of them when I mentioned that.

"Our niece is a mage but we can't put her in the Kirkwall Circle. There are numerous rumors about the atrocities there. We can't let our girl go through that." Merada stated.

"But she can't live a normal life either. Her parents, when they found out that she had a talent in magic...They poured a potion that a scammer sold them that would supposedly 'cure' her...She lost sight in both of her eyes. Her parents left her with us ever since and we have not had any contact with them as well." Elliot explained softly. I clenched my fists and my jaw. My blood boiled but I took a breath and shook my head.

"We have tried everything possible for her to try to immerse herself in the Alienage but she refuses at every turn. She goes off and we can't find her at times or she shuts herself in her room. We know that you owe us nothing and what you're doing for the Alienage as a whole is a great service to us. If you can do this for us, we'll forever be in your debt." Elliot said, bowing low as well as his wife. I nodded.

"Of course I'll help. I can't turn away when a child is in need." I agreed.

"Thank you your highness!" Elliot nearly sobbed out.

"Do you know where she is?" I asked.

"She stays in her room nearly all day, only coming out for food." Merada said, going up to a door. She knocked on it before opening it. It was a very small room with a cot in the corner. There were scattered toys, a drawer, a window, and a little girl sitting in the corner, her hand on top of a page of a book. Arinda looked over to the noise we made. Her eyes were white and her light brown hair was matted against her head. She scowled at us before running her hand through the book again.

"Arinda? Dear..." Merada started, walking over to her.

"I'm not hungry..." Arinda said, flipping a page. She was only running her hand through them. She couldn't read. I felt my heart break watching her.

"Arinda...we brought someone. You know the woman who's teaches the class? She's here." Merada said. I took a few steps in and Arinda noticed my presence. Her eyes widened and she suddenly bolted out the door. "Arinda!" She knew her place well and managed to open the door to get out. "No!"

"Shit!" I cursed as I ran out to try to follow her. I saw her run past a corner. I ran after her. There were a few elves that looked at me strangely as I ran through trying to find her. She was a small thing and I couldn't find her anywhere. I bit my lip as I walked through the alleyways. I heard a small gasp near some rubble. I slowly crouched down and got a small rock on the ground. I threw it on the wall and I saw Arinda poke her head out. She got up and looked around. "Arinda?" I hesitantly said. Arinda shot off but tripped and fell on her face, hard. I grimaced before sighing, shaking my head, and walking toward her. She sat on the ground, holding her head with a deep frown as blood dripped down from her chin.

"Arinda, I swear I'm not going to hurt you." I said, sitting in front of her. She backed up into the wall. She had the posture of someone that would attack at any given moment.

"That's what they always say! You're no better than everyone in the Alienage! Leave me alone!" Arinda screamed. The air grew hotter around her as I realized that her magic was close to getting out of control. Her wide pale eyes darted around everywhere, trying to find where I was on sound alone. I knelt on the ground and rustled in my small pack. "What are you doing?" She growled through clenched teeth.

"You're bleeding. I have something that could help." I said, taking out the small bottle. "It's an elfroot potion. I don't want your cuts getting infected."

"… I heard all about you from everyone. That you came because you wanted to do this shit for everyone. I'm not fooled! No one does these things without wanting something in return!" Arinda held herself against the wall, her pale eyes glaring at me.

"Ok you've caught me. I'm doing this because I have an ulterior motive." I said sarcastically. Arinda waited for an explanation. "Elves have always been looked down upon but all of them have a certain amount of pride. They won't ask for help even when they need it. So I decided to do something and try to help them. In return, they can go off and get better jobs, repair their Alienage, show everyone that they aren't as weak as everyone wants to think. I'm trying to help them help themselves. That's why I came here."

"That's...not really a bad motive...if true." Arinda mumbled.

"Maybe not but having elves that are smart is never good for the 'humans' you know?" I started to inch my way closer. Arinda got tense again. "Here, if you don't want me to put it on your cuts, then you do it...If you can get it out of my hand." I know her pride wouldn't allow to accept help, even from a stranger like me. Arinda's eyes darted around. She got up from the wall and walked closer to me. Her hand waving around, trying to find my own outstretched with the bottle in it. I saw her bite her lips and a small growl emanated from her throat. The young brunette's hand got closer and I put it in her reach. Her eyes widened and she took the potion quickly while scurrying back to the wall. Her thin fingers wrapped around the cork and she started to pull but her hands were slick with blood and couldn't grasp it. Arinda's teeth clenched and I saw that she was getting frustrated.

"Damn this fucker, why won't you get off!?" She yelled.

"Your hands are wet." I said flatly.

"I know they're damn wet!" She snapped.

"If I could-"

"I don't need your damn help!" Arinda snapped again. My patience was wearing thin. I stood up and walked over. Arinda pressed against the wall as I took the bottle and took off the cork. I tipped her chin and started to smear on the cut on her forehead and on her chin. "I said I don't need your-"

"Shush!" I raised my voice. Arinda bit her lip as I cleaned her face. She grimaced in pain.

"That hurts..." She whined.

"It will sting for a bit but it will heal your cuts. Good too, these alleyways are always so dirty. Come on. Your Aunt and Uncle are worried sick for you." I grabbed her wrist lightly.

"I don't want to go back! I hate being there! I hate that fucking room! But I can't leave the house either! I'm stuck there like a damned prisoner!" Arinda struggled against my grip but I sighed and shook my head. Kids these days...I didn't learn my first curse word until I was in my teens!

"It's because you can't see right? That's why you can't go out." I said. Arinda grew tense and I saw her bit her lip. "I think I have a friend that can help with that."

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talking about! I'm damned blind and there's nothing you can do to fix that!" Arinda tried biting me but I had on my armor today. She rubbed her mouth at her attempt. I sighed before I saw her Aunt and Uncle.

"Elliot, Merada. I have her." I said.

"Oh thank the Maker! You shouldn't leave like that Arinda!" Merada said, trying to hug Arinda but she pushed her away, took her wrist from me and entered the home. Elliot rubbed his face. I could hear her grumbling the whole way in before a door slammed shut and the sound ceased.

"I am so sorry your highness. It seems...that this is not the best for her after all." Elliot sighed defeated.

"Give me a second. I need to get someone. Don't let Arinda out either." I commanded. They nodded while I got out of the Alienage and headed towards Darktown. If there's someone that can fix this, it was Anders. I saw him going through his stock when he saw me enter.

"Here for a conjugal visit?" Anders joked.

"Ha. Ha. No, I need a favor." I said.

"Anything." Anders said patting my head.

"There's a girl in the Alienage. She's blind." I explained.

"And you want me to heal her? Unless the damage is recent, there's not much I can do." Anders explained. I shuffled on my feet before looking at him with a sheepish smile. "Unless...are you sure? I'm not as good as Talen! You know that!"

"Come on Anders! I see you do it with your patients all the time!" I pleaded. He groaned and rubbed his face.

"If her parents see me do it to her then-" Anders started.

"She doesn't have parents. She lives with her Uncle and Aunt. Please Anders. This is a little girl. She shouldn't live with her life like that." I pouted and gave him my puppy dog face.

"Oh...you! Fine! Fine!" Anders gave up. I giggled and kissed him on the cheek.

"Come on! We've got no time to waste!" I said. We got out of Darktown and went into the Alienage. I led him through the alleyways and we got to Elliot and Merada's home. I knocked and Merada gave me a weary look before coming in. "Elliot, Merada. This is Anders. He's the mage in Darktown. You might have heard of him." I said.

"There are constant refugees thanking you for what you've done for them." Elliot nodded.

"He's going to heal Arinda's eyes." I said. They both looked at me like I grew a second head.

"Magic can do that?" Merada asked hopefully.

"Well-" He opened his mouth and I stomped on his foot lightly.

"He can! Right?" I gave him a toothy grin that said, 'Say another word and I'll kill you.' Anders sighed.

"Yes I can." Anders nodded. Elliot led me to Arinda's room again. He knocked before entering. Arinda was in her corner again. She was hugging her legs to her chest. I saw a few fresh blood marks on her legs. Self-harm no doubt. This was a girl seeped in darkness. I could only hope I was able to help her.

"Arinda?" I said softly.

"Go away." She mumbled.

"I brought someone that can help with your eyes." I said. She looked up to where we were. Anders gave me a nod.

"Bullshit." She stuck her tongue at us. We walked in anyway.

"Well, you won't know if you try right?" I said.

"Go away!" She shouted.

"Arinda! Enough! She only wants to help!" Elliot snapped. Arinda looked like she was about to cry again.

"Trust me, once I heal your eyes, you can go ahead and smack Nia upside the head all you want." Anders chuckled. I rolled my eyes. Arinda looked hesitant.

"Please child. Please." Elliot near begged. We had a silent moment before Arinda got up and walked toward us. Anders knelt before wiping some blood on her legs.

"You shouldn't hurt yourself." Anders said, putting some magic in with Arinda's blood.

"Shut up. You're not my father." Arinda snapped. Anders gave me an incredulous look but I shrugged. After her blood and his magic were mixed, he put the blood back in and sealed her cuts. Arinda shuddered slightly as Anders managed to find her eyes. He covered them with his hand.

"This might tingle. It's nothing bad so don't worry." Anders said softly. Arinda's fist clenched as Anders' hand glowed with green healing energy. I saw him strain slightly. This healing was more methodical, specific. You had to know what you were doing. I trusted Anders. After a minute, the energy died down. Anders stood up and nodded. "Ok, you can open your eyes now." Arinda bit her lip.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" She asked. "This isn't some stupid way to get me to go to the school?" She voice wavered.

"I wouldn't do that to you." I said. Arinda let out a shuddering sigh before tentatively opening her eyes. They still looked pale but they didn't look damaged like before. She gawked as Anders clicked his tongue.

"It seems like the color will stay. That I wasn't able to reverse but you are able to see now." Anders smiled. Arinda's eyes welled up with fat tears before they started to fall. She curled in on herself. Anders looked confused and didn't know what to do. I chuckled softly as Arinda let out gasping sobs. She looked around the room and she was able to focus on many things before her eyes landed on me. She wiped her tears and stood up again.

"Thank you." She said awkwardly but still sincerely. My heart felt lighter as I was able to let her finally see the world again. I patted her head.

"You're welcome."

9:33 Bloomingtide 9th

I was in the Dalish camp again. Feynriel was off doing his training with Marethari well away from the camp. His control is getting better although he does tells me his nightmares have only gotten worse. He tries to follow my instructions but his subconscious fear wins.

"I really wonder if he's going to figure out his talent." I exhaled, Nehnlen practicing drawing next to me with Alanni doing a carving on the other side of me. I watched the bonfire cook the fish I caught as everyone around was doing something or another.

"You worry too much for him. He will need to make mistakes in order to learn." Alanni explained.

"Mamae! Look!" Nehnlen held up a charcoal drawing of what looked like to be two faces.

"And what is that da'len?" Alanni chuckled.

"Mamae, Tía, me!" Nehnlen pointed to all of us in the painting. Alanni chuckled and patted his head. I hid my blush and smile. Another hunter came up and nodded toward Alanni.

"I will need you to watch over him." Alanni got up and put away her carving.

"On another hunt?" I asked as Nehnlen settled in my lap.

"We are searching for Halla and have been for the past few years. We have not been successful." Alanni sighed sadly. "We will be back shortly." Alanni got her bow and put it on her back. She gave a kiss on Nehnlen's forehead and went off with another pair of hunters that were waiting for her. I sighed and put my chin in my hand. There wasn't anyone I could have talked to. Everyone was always busy off doing something for their clan. Nehnlen was the only child that was young enough to not to anything. The rest were off doing chores and the like.

"Tía, can you use ocana?" Nehnlen asked.

"It's 'ocarina' and I do have it." I rummaged through my pack and took it out. Nehnlen giggled. I started to use it as he practiced his words on another piece of vellum. There were a few that turned to me while humming or whistling another accompanying tune. It settled into a rhythmic and serene pace. I may not be an elf but I did want them to at least accept me as someone who sincerely wanted to help. I had no ulterior motives besides wanting to see Nehnlen. He was growing. It was as if I was granted another son. He was so beautiful. My heart wrenched for my own son. I wasn't replacing him by a long shot but no one said that I couldn't view another as another child.

So I played the tune that Nehnlen loved the most and he was soon asleep in my lap once more.

* * *

 **Arinda is not my character. She belongs to FearaNightmare :3**

 **Got carried away again. Can't help it though, I really like these slice of life chapters. You better relish them because things can get dark fast, especially in DA2, be forewarned!**

 **Also, not to promote myself or anything, I entered a fanfiction writing contest on inkitt . com. I entered, Days of Our Lives. I would greatly appreciate it if you would vote on it! Not like you have to although I would love winning on of these in my lifetime...**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _Anders is in there somewhere but Justice has completely immersed himself, that he might not be able to separate himself anymore. Yes, many questions, much answers, very later,_ wow.  
 **EG:** _Just the haters really. If I don't agree or like a certain character or watch a certain season, I'm the bad guy? I'd rather not deal with it._

 **Thank you Onitsu Blackfeather, Dforce76, Taffy and Sweetrolls, OnkelJo, FearaNightmare, and WardenMahariel for reviewing! Please Review! And vote! (if you want to :3 )**


	26. A Missing King

Varric chuckled. Her entries were long and filled with details. He could see why her book sold so well. He skimmed through most of them.

Ah there was that one part he wouldn't forget. That broody elf…

-/-

9:32 Kingsway 7th

Varric was a gambling man. He liked to place bets on things he knows for sure will work out for him. He made that easy enough to see and there's nothing that he wouldn't bet on. Right now Varric is working on the lover's bet. So far Hawke has yet to have any sort of romantic inclination to anyone though both of them have bet for Carver and Merrill to get together. Anders bet against that though he doesn't know about the love triangle bet that's going on.

Fenris vs Anders for Nia who doesn't even see either of them.

Varric thought she was oblivious as the Void for that.

Anders was obvious all the time. He always grabbed her hand, put his arm around her, and stared at her way too damn much. Even then, she never once saw anything in that. Varric put his money down for those two though. As much as Nia was oblivious, she was also closer to Anders than everyone else. If the mage made the first move, she might accept.

Hawke was different. She put her money on Fenris, saying that a man and a woman can't live in the same home without something happening between them.

Varric thought about all of this as he watched Nia take down four armored guards with nothing but her gloves and boots for armor. She had disarmed three of them already and had a longsword in her hand. They were at the practice grounds in the barracks and everyone was there.

"Kick him in the nuts!" Isabela shouted.

"I can't! It's too armored!" Nia chuckled. Varric saw that she had changed. Nia didn't lash out as much, didn't get angry as much, and she smiled and laughed more often. Varric looked on as she fought. Nia jumped, leaped, and timed her evasive maneuvers so well it made it so tricky to hit her.

"Show him your tits!" Isabela shouted.

"That's what you would do!" Nia laughed. Jarvis was barking up a storm, wagging his butt off from the amount of happiness in the sparring arena. Aveline looked on as they trained, making sure that there wasn't any foul play.

"Not like she has much anyway." Carver commented.

"She has more than me." Merrill said. Hawke laughed and Carver's face flushed. "Did I-?"

"How did you even find time to compare?" Fenris wondered. Varric saw Anders flinched when a longsword managed to cut into her tunic. She did a round house kick on him, evading two other guys and causing them to tackle each other.

"It's not hard. She looks like an elf as well but her eyes are squintier. We're the same height!" Merrill said proudly. "Her muscles are larger than mine though."

"They're bigger than a lot of people's Merrill." Hawke chuckled.

"Not the Guard Captain's I bet." Isabela said, loud enough for her to hear. Nia did an uppercut to the last guy and they were all down and disarmed. Nia panted heavily and wiped the sweat from her brow. How the heat never got to her was a wonder to Varric.

"Good job. You taught my men a lesson; never underestimate someone unarmed. Back to the barracks with you to review your rosters!" Aveline said.

"Ugh! I lost!" Carver said. Nia laughed as Anders went and used healing magic on her. Varric knew that you didn't need to touch someone to heal them but he always did. Varric saw how he cupped her face to look for scratches but it was only an excuse.

"I'm fine Anders, you don't need to mother me." Nia said, pushing him away.

"I'm only making sure." He pouted.

"Just kiss her Anders she'll like it!" Hawke egged them on. Varric saw out of the corner of his eye how Fenris began to scowl. Nia rolled her eyes and came over to flick Hawke in the nose. "Hey!"

"That's what you get for saying things like that." Nia panted and wiped off more sweat from her brow.

"Who do you think will win if you and Aveline fought together?" Carver wondered. Everyone grew quiet as Aveline and Nia looked at each other.

"Well I'm at a disadvantage since I've just fought off four guys." Nia crossed her arms.

"Then we settle the field. Grab your armor and daggers." Aveline smirked.

"Ooooh! This is going to be good! I'll bet on Aveline!" Hawke said.

"I have to say as much as a good fighter you are Knives, Aveline is the strongest." Varric said, putting his money in the pool.

"Aveline." Carver said.

"I'm staying out of this one." Isabela chuckled.

"Hm Aveline." Merrill nodded.

"Wow, I feel the love everyone…You too Anders!?" Nia gave him an incredulous look.

"I'm sorry but…Aveline is a walking bulwark and you know this." Anders chuckled sheepishly. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Not much of a bet if-" Varric started.

"Nia." Fenris said, putting his money in. Varric laughed and Nia ruffled his hair before Fenris swatted it away.

"Wait, I'd like to change-" Anders started before Varric closed his pouch.

"Too late Blondie you've already made your bet." Varric chuckled. Fenris smirked at him which ruffled Ander's feathers. Isabela gave me a knowing look. Nia went to put on her armor and got her daggers.

"This is going to be good." Hawke said, rubbing her hands.

"Just add the evil laughter and you'll be a perfect villain." Varric said.

"Muahaha! Is that good?" Hawke said.

"Nah, too cheesy." Varric shook his head.

"Who's going to watch them to make sure none of them fight unfairly?" Merrill wondered.

"There are no rules in a fight. You do everything to win." Nia said. Varric knew that from watching her fight. Nia fights dirty but when fighting against an enemy that would likely kill with a drop of blood on a cut and get you sick? Of course she would do anything to win. The thing was Aveline was used to those types as well. The thugs, gangs, coterie that were all stationed here in Kirkwall us underhanded means to kill.

At least Nia didn't use poisons.

She got into position, crouching, putting her daggers in front of her. It wasn't like Isabela who liked to have that flair to her fighting style. Nia was meant to kill. Varric saw how her whole demeanor changed. Her smile was gone, her eyes staying on Aveline, and the bloodlust silenced but still there, lying underneath. Aveline had her shield raised in front, her sword lowered.

"Look at that focus. Too bad she didn't have that in bed. I would have gone crazy." Isabela said. Nia made the first move, rushing toward Aveline. Aveline did the same with her shield and knocked right into her. Nia grunted, rolling on the ground but getting herself up with that same momentum. Aveline continued, slashing away. Nia evaded with dexterity that came with fighting for your life multiple times.

Varric heard his friends cheering them on but Nia's focus never wavered. It was almost uncanny how her eyes focused ahead, like there was nothing else besides her and Aveline. Aveline thrust her sword but Nia did her famous ball twirl, her dagger in her hand, but Aveline stopped and pushed backwards into her. Nia stumbled onto the ground and Aveline was over her. Nia rolled away, quickly getting on her feet, and doing a kick against Aveline.

Aveline grunted but didn't flinch. Nia switched from the defensive to the offensive in a matter of seconds, using her knuckles against Aveline's armor. Varric noticed that she was trying to make dents where she would be able to plunge her dagger for a sure fatal blow. Nia's attacks were relentless but Aveline did a pommel blow at Nia's face. Nia staggered before she leaped away from Aveline's sword.

"Kick her ass Aveline!" Hawke said. "I don't want to lose any more money!" Nia's mouth dribbled with blood. Anders took a step forward. They circled one another. Aveline rushed her and Nia tried dodging but Aveline's sword came into view. She got hit by the shield bash. She rolled on the ground with Aveline coming toward her. Nia, barely got up with Aveline's sword coming down. Varric saw her ground her feet and tackle Aveline with full force, grabbing onto the shield and ripping it away. Aveline's shield clattered away from her as she looked on for a second, distracted. Nia tackled her again to the ground. Her dagger on Aveline's throat. Nia smirked.

"I win." Everyone groaned while Fenris chuckled. Nia got off and helped Aveline to her feet.

"Sorry for hitting you in the face." Aveline winced when she saw Nia wipe the blood away from her mouth.

"Eh, doesn't matter. It's not the first time. Once a darkspawn plowed my face into a ballista. That wasn't fun." Nia chuckled. Varric saw Fenris gather the pool of money. Nia looked over to the group and waved. Unless anyone was looking they wouldn't have noticed the small smile on Fenris' face.

-/-

Varric frowned. It was that day. He saw the various shaky handwriting, a couple of splotches on the ink as well. No doubt that Nia was crying as she wrote this. He gave a glance at the guard. He still had more time.

-/-

9:33 Bloomingtide 15th

"You want to accompany me to the Alienage? Why?" Nia asked, visiting Varric and giving him the next chapter in her book. Varric put that away for later.

"I was going through my crime series and I've realized that I need a little bit more information on Alienage living. Since you're the one that usually goes and stays there for a few hours, I thought I might tag along." Varric shrugged. Nia chuckled.

"Sure. Maybe you can drop a few dwarven history stories here and there." Nia teased.

"Nah, I'm not a Shaper." Varric chuckled. They exited the Hanged Man and walked through Lowtown before hitting the Alienage. The kids were all set up with their quills, ink, and vellum. One girl sat with a wide grin on her face and another, who sat next to her, had her chin resting on her hand, looking bored out of her mind.

"Good Morning class! We have a special guest today. This my friend Varric." Nia said, putting Varric on the spot. He gave a small wave and a few kids laughed but waved all the same. She started her class but Varric had other plans than to stay and watch. He saw Merrill's home though he knew she wasn't there. She was spending more and more time up with Hawke and Carver. He took out his journal and started to write all the ideas that came to him while in the Alienage. Most watched him with curiosity. Some, he noticed, watched Nia with disdain. He didn't blame them. Nia was still a human in their eyes. The fact that she came here to teach them wouldn't change centuries of hate.

Varric made sure to keep accounts on those that clearly showed their hate. He didn't want any of them to hurt Nia. She trusted others too easily. She needed to learn that not everyone would be so accepting of her help, even if she did do it with no expectations.

The class continued and Varric wrote down his best detail of the humongous tree in the center when he saw an unfamiliar man approach Nia from the stairs. His eyebrow raised as Nia said something to the kids and ran out with the man. Another one asking for help, Varric thought and he shook his head. He sat down on a crate, watching the older kids tend to the younger ones. There was something there though. Something that didn't quite fit and Varric wondered about his gut feeling. It was made apparent when he heard the first explosion.

A mob of men came running into the Alienage, laughing as they carried with them several fire bombs. They tossed them around, a few evading capture from elves. The men fought against those that tried to fight them before continuing their havoc. A house was ripped apart, fanning flames to the other homes, the wind carrying them. Varric's growled as he ran toward the perpetrators, Bianca on his hand, the ideas he was writing left in the dust.. The various elves ran around, wondering what to do, and Varric couldn't get a clear shot at the men that were causing all this chaos.

"Go get out of there and get some help!" Varric grabbed at an elf shouted at him. He ducked under when another bomb soared past his head. The men were making use of the panic. The fire was starting to rage wildly and a few homes were starting to crumble and fall. The screams echoed in the Alienage and Varric saw the class of children that were huddled away from the fire. The men saw them and ran toward with another bomb.

"Heads up!" Varric shouted, released Bianca and killing the guy before he had time to throw it. This only added to the panic and the children scattered. "Shit!" He grabbed the nearest girl that ran past him and hugged her close as the mob of them ran around, throwing their bombs and causing havoc. He couldn't attack them and protect someone at the same time. They laughed at the destruction. A few tried to fight back but only got hit by a few bombs for their trouble. The screams of terror resonated in the walls as the humans laughed while the elves cried out in fear and anger.

"That's what you get when you knife-ears try to learn! Learn your place!" One shouted.

"You think because you kissed the arse of a princess means you're gonna get anywhere besides here?!" Another throw. The fires were spreading and even the large tree started to burn.

"Once a knife-ear, always a knife-ear!" They shouted. The girl in his arms struggled as Varric tried to make a clear path out of the Alienage. A few saw what he was doing and took the opportunity to get out. The girl ran out of his arms as more and more ran past the gate of the Alienage. The mob of men dispersed along with the crowd. The black smoke of the fire joining with the smoke with the foundry. Varric took it upon himself to lead a few out and kept on going back in to try to help more.

"No!" There were the few that stayed, trying to save their livelihoods.

"Get water!"

"Seriel? Seriel! Where are you!?" Cries of panic took over as the situation was becoming worse.

Varric heard the parents cry as a few kids were running around in panic, joining the others of lesser minds as well. Varric heard a few rumblings as houses began to crumble. Debris showered those that ran around not looking for a safe place. A few crying from burns or other sort of injuries. Many were running toward the few water pumps in the Alienage to try to control the fire. He heard another scream and was able to save another girl from flaming debris. He ran toward the gates, the girl struggling in his grasp. Varric coughed as the smoke was filling his lungs. He couldn't do this for too long.

"Let me go! I need to find my Aunt and Uncle!" The kid struggled against him.

"Look you have to stay with me where it's safe!" Varric tried to persuade her. "The fire is getting worse! A kid like you is only going to get hurt!"

"No! They're still in there!" She screamed, pushing against him. Varric saw out of the corner of his eye Nia, running with the face of disbelief. She had a hurt look on her face as she saw the burning Alienage.

"Varric! What happened?" Nia cried out.

"I'll give you the details later! Get Aveline, Anders, anyone to stop this fire! The wind is making is spread!" Varric shouted. The little girl bit his thumb. He cried out in pain and the girl ran into the Alienage again. Varric cursed under his breath. He couldn't do anything for that girl now.

"Arinda!" Nia shouted in fear, almost running after her.

"Knives, you go and get help! I'll be here to watch them!" Varric growled, grabbing onto Nia's arm before she went in. She look trapped but soon nodded and ran back out to get help. Varric took a big gulp of air before running back in the Alienage. A few that were near the water pumps passed out the buckets of water, trying to quell the flames. Varric help trying to coordinate the ones that tried to help, to tackle where the fire was trying to spread. He grabbed and passed buckets the best he could. They were barely making a dent with this. It was going to take more than a few buckets of water to put out the flames.

Varric saw a group of kids and injured gathered where the fire didn't touch yet. He grabbed a few that couldn't walk and they made it out. As he dropped the group off into a part of Lowtown that wasn't touched yet, Varric went back. He heard cracks as more homes crumbled to the ground, the fire nearly spreading toward Lowtown. The cries of terror ringing in his ear, the ones of anguish and pain as their livelihoods were scattered to ash before them.

How could these dilapidated buildings even begin to stand against a worse case scenario like this? The elves were put into tightly closed hovels with no chance of escape should something like this happen. Varric only knew that the only reason why they even were making a dent against the flames were because the elves were a force to be reckoned with if they worked together. Even then, the flames were destroying everything they held dear.

Varric gave out a sigh of relief as he saw the Guards coming, ordering the elves to get to shelter. Aveline, Nia, and Anders at the forefront. Nia helped a few that were injured with the Guards. Varric ran over to them before he saw Anders conjure up massive waves of cold magic. Anders alone was able to calm about half of the fire. The icy magic crackled through, killing the flames. Varric finally allowed himself to hope that everything was going to be ok. He and Nia went back to help the elves try to snuff out the last of it.

Varric saw Anders open up a small bottle of lyrium. Anders body glowed with magical energy as he rubbed his hands and let another wave of ice magic run through and quell the last of the flames. The only remnants of what happened was the black smoke rising in the air. Varric saw the changes of emotion through the elves. They were glad that the fire was stopped, then came the worry of where their loved ones were, the sadness and despair of their crumbling homes...

And anger. Red and hot as the fire that was snuffed.

"What happened here?" Aveline demanded. The elves started to gather around the Vhenadahl. Varric kept a close hand near Bianca. In a situation like this, tensions will be rising high.

"There were a few hooligans coming in with fire bombs. They started to throw it everywhere, not thinking who'd get caught, screaming that the elves need to get back into their place. They ran out as soon as the fire started to spread." Varric explained. The faces of anger was showing more and more as the realization of humans attack elves came full force.

"It's true. I saw those shemlen run out of here! I can describe them!" One shouted out.

"I saw them run through here!" Another led a few guards where he last saw them.

"Go men and find them!" Aveline ordered. Nia looked devastated, seeing everything. The Alienage was ruined. The faces of the people were of ones of hopeless resignation...and anger.

"Anders please go help the ones that got injured and-" Aveline ordered.

"No. That is enough. We don't need shemlen help." One elven man came up to Aveline.

"It is my duty to-" Aveline started.

"Duty!? You are only here because of the fact they tried to burn down our homes! Where were you shems when our children were starving in the streets!? When our families were being broken by slavers? When our children were hunted down by that serial killer!?" More and more of them started to come out. Aveline's hand twitched near her blade. Varric noticed that their blind rage was only toward Anders, Aveline, and Nia. The rest of the Guards were still helping the injured out in Lowtown.

"Please, we only want to help. Anders is a healer. He can-" Nia started before one threw a charred post at her. It hit her right on the head. She winced and held her wound. Varric scowled and he reached for Bianca. Anders growled but Nia stopped him before he could go further. Their faces fill with wrath meshed together at the one that could easily be blamed: Nia.

"It is because of you that we got in this mess!" Another threw a rock. It bounced off her Dalish armor. It seemed to mock them further.

"You should have never come here shem!" She had a near miss with a knife.

"Go back to your pretty Hightown mansion your highness!" A sharp piece of glass hit Nia's cheek and cut it.

"We elven should have never accepted your 'help' in the first place! Look where it got us!" More and more shouts were directed as Nia as they gathered various pieces of rubble to hit her with. Varric could only watch Nia's hurt look. The humans attacked because she decided to help. She was blamed by proxy. Then they heard a blood curling scream. Nia ran toward it, past the growing mob. Aveline, Anders, and Varric followed her through a set of crumbling alleyways. Nia stopped and stared as a young girl sobbed in front of the collapsed home.

Varric recognized her as the girl that bit him to go back into the fire. He clenched his jaw as he saw two charred bodies underneath the rubble. It looked like they almost made it out, only for the entryway to crush them at the last second. The girl was crying in despair, holding her head, tears rushing down her pale eyes. Varric saw Nia's fist clench and her lower lip tremble before going up and kneeling toward the girl.

"Arinda...Arinda I..." Nia reached her hand out to comfort Arinda before she slapped it away and pushed Nia to the ground. Arinda stood up, unabashed hatred in her eyes, her teeth clenched and small fists trembling.

"This is all your fault! This is all your fucking fault! If you never came here, none of this would have happened! I should have known! You humans only care that we stay in the Alienage! You never fucking cared for us!" Arinda screamed, her pale eyes seemed to almost glow. "If you hadn't been here...if you never came...!" She took a step, a few window crackling near her. Anders gave Varric a look. Magic.

"Arinda please-" Nia started, getting up trying to go near her. Arinda step forward to punch her and Varric saw the familiar force magic as Nia was pushed away toward their group.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" Arinda screamed one last time before running off. Nia sat on the ground, looking at the bodies that were mixed with the rubble. Varric heard many steps behind him. Varric looked behind him, Aveline's hand on her sword and Anders reaching for his staff, the mob of angry elves came up to them.

"You are not welcome here shemlen. Leave. We will endure, we will survive. It is what we have always done." He spat on the ground near Nia. She stood up, a blank look on her face. They gave them a wide berth as Aveline led them out of the Alienage. They closed the gates and Varric saw how they began to clear away what happened. They walked away from the Alienage, nearing the Hanged Man. Nia's body language was tense and Varric saw how her shoulders seemed to look smaller, her body drawing into her.

"Nia-" Anders started.

"Sorry...I think...I need to be alone." Nia whispered, her voice breaking, her head hanging low.

"Knives...no matter what they said, that wasn't your fault." Varric tried soothing her. She gave out a bitter chuckle. She gave him a smile full of bitter pain.

"I tried to change the status quo...and look where it got them...I should have...no...It doesn't matter now anyway..." Nia turned away before running back toward Hightown. Anders tried to go after her before Varric grabbed onto his robe.

"Don't do it Blondie. Leave her be." Varric shook his head.

"But she can't be alone!" Anders tried to get out of his grip before Aveline grabbed his shoulder.

"I will need help making sure those that did this are caught. You would know of these chemical mixes, right?" Aveline asked. Anders shifted on his feet before nodding. "Then come alone. You too Varric since you were a witness. Hopefully you would be able to recognize how they looked." Aveline sighed. Varric shook his head. Nia tried to help but trying doesn't account for nothing when people still died in the end.

-/-

Varric heard the door open and in came the Seeker again. Varric sighed. He was hoping to read some more. Nia's journal was very interesting to him even if it did include a few missing pages, phrases, and a few unwelcome memories.

"Getting into some trouble Seeker?" Varric smirked.

"Nothing that would benefit you if you heard. There is one thing I would like to ask you." Cassandra said and taking the journal from his hands. Varric sighed. He wished Bianca was there with him. "Did the princess tell you anything about the disappearance of the King?"

"You mean the Hero of Ferelden? I knew that she was called out to go look for him. She didn't come back to Kirkwall for a while." Varric shrugged.

"She told you nothing about what she found?" Cassandra doubted his words, flipping through the pages.

"Nope. Knives kept that secret." Varric said. Cassandra glared at him. "I don't see what you expect me to say. You want me to say that Knives confided in me where the Hero went? Even she doesn't know where he went! You want to know about that, then read on Seeker. Besides, I thought you were looking for the Champion not the Hero." Varric raised his eyebrow.

"I am looking for both of them. One of my…associates used to be in contact with him but she hasn't gotten anything in response. I was hoping…" Cassandra started.

"Give me the journal back." Varric held out his hand. Cassandra complied. He went past the daily life of Nia before settling on an entry. He noticed a few of the pages were missing. He sighed and rubbed his face. Carver, Merrill, and Fenris all told him bits and pieces about what happen. It took a while but Nia eventually did as well. "I'll try to fill in a few of the things that she took out."

-/-

9:33 Justinian 8th

"Stop hunching your back." I said. Fenris looked away and I slapped his back. He gave me a glare. "I'm going to keep on slapping if you keep on hunching. You don't want to get a hump when you're thirty or do you?" I hummed.

"I will not get a hump." Fenris huffed.

"Uh huh, keep telling yourself that." I mumbled. I opened the door to the Viscount Keep. I was going to pick up my mail. It was going to be a normal day or that was what I thought. It turns out that fate wasn't going to let me relax too soon.

"Nia, good you're here." Aveline said, coming out of the barracks and dragging me toward her office.

"Whoa! Hey Aveline what is the…deal?" I saw a very familiar face at her desk. Bann Teagan. An uncomfortable feeling settled in my stomach. If he-.

"Teagan?" I wondered.

"Nia. I would love to say that this is a familiar visit but it is not. I am glad to have found you." Teagan nodded to me in respect. "Unfortunately my brother couldn't come himself and he sent me as his envoy." Teagan said, coming up to me.

"Did something happen?" I asked.

"There is no time. Your brother has gone missing. Queen Anora has sent me here wondering if you knew of anything or where he has gone. We tracked his movements down toward a cabin in the Korcari Wilds but that is where it stops. He might have gone to the Circle at Kinloch Hold but we are not so sure. Queen Anora is frantic trying to find him. As his sister and the only one that he has kept in recent correspondence, we are urging you to find him." Bann Teagan explained. It was all so sudden but I knew what happened. He went to look-. I had to be prepared for this.

"I understand. You said that he was at a cabin in the Korcari Wilds?" I asked.

"Yes. It was were he was last scouted before his travels might have taken him to the Circle at Kinloch Hold. After he requested a mage to travel with him. He was also seen traveling alongside a Dalish woman. After our last report at the Circle, he has gone missing. We have not had success after that." Teagan explained. I rubbed my face. He would go to the-then-, last to the ruins in the Br-est and then-. I needed to stop him before-.

"I think I have an idea where he might go." I nodded.

"Good. I have a ship here that will take us to Denerim at once. Please, meet me in the docks." Bann Teagan said, almost running out of the office.

"This doesn't bode well. The King is missing?" Aveline wondered.

"Don't let the word spread." If we needed to find those ruins there was only one person I could count on. I had to go to the Alienage. I haven't been there since the attack on their homes. I dreaded going there. "Aveline, it looks like I'm going to be gone for a while. Don't let the city burn while I'm gone." I waved before going toward the doors to go out. Fenris followed me.

"What do you mean you will be gone for a while?" Fenris wondered.

"Weren't you paying attention? My brother is missing and only I have an idea where he might go. I have to go to Ferelden." I stated.

"By yourself?" He wondered.

"No. The only person where I know who knows where he might go is Merrill. She's been there before." I said confidently.

"Only Merrill?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Only Merrill." I nodded, going toward the stairs that would take me to Lowtown.

"Then I am coming with you as well." He stated.

"What? Why?" I asked, turning toward him.

"You are going with only a blood mage as a companion in a country that still has not fully repaired from the influence of the Blight. You cannot do this alone. I will accompany you as well." Fenris explained. I stared at him for a good minute.

"You do know we'll be gone for a while right?" I asked.

"The city will not crumble if we are not here." Fenris chuckled.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked. "We'll be traveling, no privacy, we'll be sleeping in dirt, sometimes you'll need to use leaves to-" He cut me off.

"I am going with you." Fenris would not budge. I sighed before nodded.

"All right. Let's go to the...Alienage." I gulped down in hesitation.

"You have not been there since the fire." Fenris said softly.

"I know but...I know Merrill is there. I visited Hawke earlier and Carver was gone. That meant he went to go visit her instead of the other way around this time." I deduced. My foot slipped on a stair and I almost fell before I felt Fenris' arms grab hold of me. He supported me as I got my footing back.

"You need to be more careful." Fenris said, his voice in my ear and his chest reverberating with the sound of his voice. He was too close. I was getting flustered and quickly regained my bearings and stepping away. Think of the husband. Think of the husband.

"Thank you Fenris." I cleared my throat, my face betraying what I felt. Curse my easily blushing cheeks. "Let's go." I said, keeping in front of him before I felt my heart calm down. We reached the Alienage in short time.

I hesitated. I saw the burnt branches that didn't recover, the charred remains of a few homes, the rubble they weren't able to sweep away. I still had nightmares. Nightmares where they gathered around, stoning me to death, blaming me for what I've done. They were right. I tried to change too much, too quickly. That was why those men retaliated. These 'knife-ears' had to stay where they belonged, under the foot of humans. Fenris patted me on my shoulder and I nodded. There was no point in standing around. I walked down the stairs. They glared at me with hatred. They used to look at me with respect.

I saw a few parents bring in their children. The men making sure I was able to see their weapons. The ones that weren't able to fully recover from their injuries spat on the ground as they glared at me hatefully. I haven't seen Arinda anywhere since that day either. I could only hope that she was ok. We reached Merrill's home. I knocked before entering. Of course Carver was there with her. They only allowed him passage because Merrill usually brought him here by hand. He looked at me before looking away in embarrassment. They were sitting on the table, the chess set between them.

"Nia! I'm so glad you came. Did you know I saw a mugging outside of my door a few days ago? Fascinating." Merrill giggled. She cared enough to help with the cleaning but her healing sucked. She couldn't do much in that aspect.

"Uh huh. Interesting. You can tell me all about that later." I politely dismissed her. "Merrill. You told me that your clan found a set of ruins in the Brecilian Forest right? The one with the mirror with the taint?" I asked. Merrill nodded, her features becoming hard. It wasn't something she liked to talk about.

"Truthfully I've been meaning to go back and find the rest of the mirror though I don't have any coin to go to Ferelden." Merrill fidgeted with her fingers.

"Then what will you say if I told you there's a chance for you to go and find it for free?" I offered.

"What's the catch?" Carver stood up and crossed his arms. Of course he would defend her.

"The catch? Well…" I started.

"The king as gone missing and the Queen of Ferelden asked her personally to find him." Fenris said bluntly.

"That." I pointed at him.

"The king has gone-" Carver started.

"Don't spread it around just yet." I glared at Carver. "Merrill I need you to take me to those ruins."

"How are you so sure that the king will be there?" Fenris wondered. How could I tell him that-. No they wouldn't believe me.

"I know who he's looking for and that's one of the places he needs to go to find her. Please Merrill that's all I'm asking. You can get your mirror at the same time, please?" I pleaded her.

"Ok! I've been missing Ferelden. Do you think we'll see any more mabari there?" Merrill wondered. I quietly sighed in relief.

"Hopefully not any wild ones." Carver wondered.

"Wait, what?" I looked at Carver.

"I'm going too. I'm not letting Merrill go alone." Carver talked down to me.

"Then it seems we are all going with you." Fenris nodded.

"Oh it will be so exciting!" Merrill giggled and clapped. I shook my head but nodded.

"Thank you everyone. Then Lord Carver, you'd best go to Lowtown and gather some things. Get a tent, some provisions, change of clothes, a pack. You as well Merrill. My friend that will take us to Denerim is at the docks. Go and we'll see each other there." I grabbed onto Fenris' arm. I ignored the elves in the Alienage and went to Hightown again.

"How are you so sure you know where he is?" Fenris took his arm back as we entered the mansion.

"I just do ok? It's my gut feeling. Eren is looking for someone and there's a reason why he went to the circle. He's going to those ruins to look for her." I went into my room and got my pack, filling it with everything I would need. I took out my chest and grabbed some extra coin for the trip, just in case. I had to get more details from Bann Teagan to get a set timeline. He could have gone to-first then-. If needed I'll head over-.

"…You are not telling me everything." Fenris glared.

"I…" I exhaled softly and shook my head. Fenris grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.

"What are you not telling me?" Fenris glared. The familiar cold weight from my stomach dropped into my feet. If I was going pale, I would have noticed Fenris' change in demeanor but I was able to control it to not give away anything. I had to-.

"You won't believe me." I said, looking away.

"Tell me." He demanded. I knew he wasn't going to let this go. Curse my running mouth. I felt the shocks coming from his tattoos. Then I felt the cold fear from my chest, the blood rushing down my feet, I felt cold on this hot summer day. No one said I had to tell the whole truth. It wasn't a lie if you only omitted facts.

"I-"

…

…

…

* * *

 **Didn't I tell you that things got dark fast? Yes, yes they did. I enjoyed the POV switch, change things up a bit. Now we have entered Witch Hunt! Big revelation last update. I enjoyed your reactions lol**

 **The contest for the fanfiction is still ongoing until Oct 21! Remember, inkitt . com, Days of Our Lives :3**

 **White Story:** _I swear I had this all planned out since forever, there's a reason why I chose him. And thank you for that! I need people like you to criticize a few decisions I make :3 Trust me, I only included it as a hidden foreshadow. You'll see later._  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _I had to talk with it with my husband. 6-7 years is a very long time to wait for someone. When I asked if if that was the appropriate time for a heart to change, he agreed with me.  
_ **angelbeets:** _I can't change anything that I haven't already thought about. The whole thing has been written down so you'll have to keep on reading to find out :3_

 **Thank you OnkelJo, Dforce76, Taffy and Sweetroll, EG, and WardenMahariel for reviewing! Please Review!**


	27. Goodbye Brother

9:33 Justinian 9th

We were on our way to Ferelden. It would take us at most a week to get to the harbor at Denerim. Bann Teagan explained that Eren has been gone for at least two weeks. I had to account the travel time along with the time he needed to-. I wasn't sure if he would go to the-first. I knew that he went there with Shale so he would know where it would be at least. Either way he would need-.

I hate waiting. I watched as the waves rolled against the ship that was taking us. I was fearful of it. The massive sea and sky melding into one another as if neither had an end or a beginning. It doesn't matter how many times I travel by boat, I prefer walking. Still, that would take time that we didn't have. Merrill was climbing through the ship, on the mast, the ropes, and everywhere she could find. She was having the time of her life. The crew didn't like it but they tolerated if only because Bann Teagan allowed it.

Carver and Fenris were both training. I wondered if Fenris believed my half-truth. I wasn't really lying. I saw it, whether it was in a dream or something else. No one would understand that all of this was-. I wasn't expecting this though. I didn't think I would be searching for Eren. I thought that he would-. Well I only know the big events of what-. I can't see anything small like the people involved or anything. I guess a few things have changed because of me. Bethany-. At least she and Alistair are doing well. He better not break her heart or she, his. It was good that they found each other.

"I can't believe we're going to Ferelden! It's been years!" Merrill giggled, skipping and settling next to me. "The last time I went…Tamlen and Mahariel…" Her face became sad.

"That's not going to happen this time. We're going to get the shards and you can focus on whatever you're doing with them." I nodded.

"Eluvian. That's what it's called. A part of our heritage that has been lost to the ages. I want to build it again. I want to save our people." Merrill stated. I chuckled. She was cute when she was serious.

"You keep on saying 'our' but my ears aren't like yours." I pulled back my hair and showed her my normal human ears.

"But you seem so elven. Are you sure someone didn't try to snip off your ears?" Merrill wondered. I laughed out loud.

"That would hurt immensely and no. I'm not that elven. I barely know elvish and I only wear your armor. I'm not elven at all." I shook my head. "Why do you even say that?"

"Because you care when no one else does." Merrill said sincerely. "You care, you do things for my people for nothing. Hawke doesn't do the same. You help all you can. The children, the poor people, my clan, everyone that needs help. I'm sorry for what happened in the Alienage. They shouldn't have blamed you." Merrill said softly.

"It's not like they had no reason to." I shrugged. "The ones who attack the Alienage did it because they felt threatened that the elves were getting some sort of education. I pushed too far, too fast." I sighed.

"Well you also have the same body type, height, and you try to learn so much from me!" Merrill said, giving me a dimpled smile and giggle.

"I don't think that makes me elven Merrill." I laughed as we got a burst of wind in our faces.

"You would be a good elf." She nodded. We heard Carver's growl of frustration and looked toward him.

"Sod it! Can't you let up for one second!?" Carver said, his sword clattered on the floor and he rubbed his wrists. Fenris shook his head.

"No." Fenris said, putting away his sword. Carver scoffed and put away his greatsword.

"It looks like you're not the best sworder in Kirkwall anymore." Merrill giggled.

"That's…you shouldn't say that. Besides, Fenris has those tattoos helping him." Carver blushed while pointing at Fenris. He was acting childish like he always does.

"And you are too complacent. I regularly train. You sit back in that mansion that Hawke bought, not doing anything." Fenris shot back. I hid a smirk.

"That's not true!" Carver shouted. Fenris humphed away. Merrill and Carver started talking to each other and I stared out to sea. Fenris came next to me.

"Bann Teagan has sent out a message to give us a few of the Royal horses. That will shorten our time to get to the forest." I explained.

"Why are you so intent on stopping your brother? He wants to find the woman he loves does he not?" Fenris asked. I huffed.

"…I would let him but there's too much at stake. The kingdom, his other children, Anora! He's being selfish!" My voice rose, my fist pounded on the ship. If this were to happen then-. I can't let that happen. I have too much riding on this to let it go. Stupid Eren, he should know this!

"Aren't you as well?" Fenris crossed his arm and gave me a sidelong glance.

"Huh?" I raised my eyebrow.

"You say you are waiting to go home and that one day you will find your family. Is he not looking for the same thing and yet you are trying to stop him. You are also being selfish." Fenris reasoned. I bit my lip and looked away. I heard Fenris walk away. Damn him. But if I can't stop Eren then-. The-. There-.

…

…

…

-/-

"Andraste's Breath just how many pages were taken out of here?" Varric wondered why Talen would rip so much out. There were only a few phrases but he took out several pages. This would make it harder to tell.

"A lot." Cassandra stated.

Varric sighed. He only went through to take out phrases. Talen went a step further though Varric didn't blame him. If someone out there was able to find out that Nia knew the future...He couldn't even imagine what they would do to her. Varric would try to protect her as much as he could though. He owed it to her and Hawke.

They both have gone through so much bullshit. And Nia...She needed to be happy for once. Too bad her letters never made that clear for him.

-/-

9:33 Justinian 13th

Denerim looked so different. The roads were fixed, the buildings looked nice, and everything seemed so homey. It was odd coming here after such a long time. I was only here when they barely begun rebuilding before I started to travel with Alistair. I never stayed too long in Denerim. I knew enough to get through the city without a map. I passed by the citizens with Fenris, Carver, and Merrill. There were a few people that stopped to look at me, no doubt recognizing me by my armor alone. Kirkwall accepted me begrudgingly but the Blight was still fresh in everyone's minds in Ferelden. It wasn't like I was stopped to sign anything of importance but it was enough that I was recognizable.

"Why are we going to the Royal Palace?" Carver whispered to me.

"Where do you think we'll find our horses? We still need permission from the Queen." I said. We crossed the major streets and I saw the palace loom overhead as we got closer. This was going to be one hell of a reunion.

"Your Highness." The guard bowed to me after taking a second to place who I was. It was the same one that didn't believe me two years ago. I bowed to him and continued in, everyone else following me. There was the same line of nobles. I walked all the way to the front and many of them made their complaints. There were two seats ahead but only one was occupied. Anora had the air of regalness until she saw me walk up and cross my arms.

"Excuse me." She said curtly followed by the groans of the nobles behind us. She led us into a spacious waiting room. Carver and Merrill looked tense while Fenris was more curious about our surroundings. Anora took a deep breath before our eyes locked. "Nia."

"Queen Annie." I giggled. Carver looked at me like I grew a second head while Merrill didn't get it. Anora sighed harshly.

"How many times have I told you not to use that name?" She pinched her nose bridge. She resembled Loghain when she did that. He had that same tic.

"I like annoying you. So Eren has gone missing huh?" I wondered. Anora started to pace in front of the fireplace.

"Yes and more than two weeks ago. He went on a journey with Talen and a few others, searching for a Thaig in the Deep Roads. It seemed his penchant for adventure ended there...but then he received a report about someone appearing near an abandoned cottage in the Korcari Wilds. As soon as he received it, he left. I could not find anything more after that." Anora explained before realizing that I wasn't alone. She looked at my friends and her stare became icy. "I did not expect an entourage."

"I had to get some help. You didn't think I'd be able to do all of this by myself did you?" I chuckled. Anora glared at me.

"With what you know, I thought you could." Anora mumbled. I knew that-. It wasn't like she couldn't figure it out herself. After all she used what I knew to-.

"I don't know everything Anora. May we borrow a few horses for the trip?" I asked. Anora gave me a small smile.

"It seems your manners have improved. I have already requested them. They are waiting for you in the royal stables." She explained. I nodded and motioned for everyone to get out. "And Nia?" I looked back. "Do be careful and give this to Eren when you see him." Anora gave me an envelope that was sealed. I nodded.

"Say Hello to the kids for me." I waved at her before going out. They followed me out of the palace and I headed toward the royal stables.

"How does she deal with that? Did you see how those nobles stared at us?" Carver came up beside me.

"Shouldn't you get used to it Lord Carver?" I hummed.

"Just because I have a mansion in Hightown does not mean that I'm suddenly a lord. Besides…it was my sister that did all the work." Carver mumbled.

"It looks like you are learning." Fenris chuckled.

"But at least you're good at chess." Merrill giggled. Carver sighed. We stopped by the stables. After explaining who I was, they agreed to lend us the horses. They gave me a few things in order to take care of the horses while we traveled. Luckily Carver had more experienced in that field. Fenris wouldn't ride with either Merrill or Carver so it was him and I on one horse, Merrill and Carver on the other. After putting the saddles on and our packs, we set out of Denerim and toward the Brecilian Forest.

We were at a brisk pace to not tire the horses too much. Carrying two people plus our packs would be tiring, especially in the summer. Ferelden was beautiful this time of year though. For once, green saturated the land, wild flowers as far as the eye can see, the farms and their wheat rolling with the wind. It was amazing and semi-relaxing. We stopped near Dragon's Peak at the inn. It's been a long time ago since I stayed here during the Blight. Or at least it felt like a long time ago. I took out my map of Ferelden. Merrill already marked the place with a big circle where the ruins might be. With the horses we would be there in a matter of days.

I hope we would be able to find Eren. I needed him in Denerim. Things in-wouldn't be the same unless-. I hate knowing what I know. I always had to make sure and-then-so-.

I felt a migraine come on again from stressing so much. Not only that, what Fenris said on the ride here kept on nagging me. Was I being selfish for trying to make Eren come back? Was I doing this because I didn't want to deal with it later on? The Kingdom needed him, Anora needs him, Jesus Christ, his children needed him! But there was Morrigan and-.

What should I do?

"I'm surprised they let us stay in here. I didn't think they would cater to an elf." Merrill was sitting on top of the only bed in the room. She was fine sleeping with me.

"The innkeeper knows me and I have the papers with the royal seal on them. No one will deny me passage or anything even if I'm traveling with you or Fenris. More than likely they think you are my servant or something." I explained, looking over the roads. Merrill giggled.

"I'm not though."

"I know. Get some rest Merrill."

9:33 Justinian 16th

We traveled the road toward where the ruins might be. My back was already killing me. My thoughts were all over the place like what would I do if I do find him? What can I do if I can't? All of these plus more. My nightmares made it worse. I tried not to think too much.

"Ah Ferelden looks amazing!" Merrill giggled.

"Do you think we can visit Lothering while we're here?" Carver wondered.

"Lothering is was cleansed for the most part until Talen stopped working on it. If you do want to visit, we'll still have to be careful. Even though it's been years since the Blight, the taint could still be in the earth. We can stop by if you really want to." I explained.

"…Maybe." Carver said softly.

"Here, we should go through here." Merrill said and Carver guided the horse. We took the scenic road and continued on. Soon our path was littered with more and more trees until we weren't on any sort of recognizable path at all. The Brecilian Forest was as magnificent as I remembered. The tall canopy, the vibrant trees and flowers, the feeling of the warm forest. I heard the cries of various animals, the roar of a nearby river, and the scent of earthiness that I haven't smelled in a very long time. It took me back.

"Ah it feels like home." Merrill sighed..

"A far cry away from the city." Carver mumbled.

"You need to get out more Carver." I said. "We'll stop here for a time." We got off the horses. Fenris was unusually quiet but I noticed that he spent a lot of time admiring the scenery. He needed to get out more too. "Merrill, does anything look familiar?" Merrill was looking at some flowers as I led the horses to the river.

"Hm? Not now but given some time and frolics I'll be able to see where all of this lies." Merrill giggled, taking a few flowers and putting them away. I brushed down the horses as they drank. Hopefully we can put all of this behind us. Fenris gathered some of the water as well. We were doing fine on supplies for now. Carver and Merrill were in their own little world recounting their experiences in Ferelden.

I sighed. I was hoping that the forest would calm me down but my mind raced. I didn't know what I was going to say if I did find Eren. It's been years since we last saw each other. His letters were always short and to the point. There wasn't any warmth from them anymore. I sighed again and ran my fingers through my hair. It was getting long again, nearly reaching the curve in my back. I wanted to cut it. I looked around and no one was looking at me. I put my hands together and prayed. I wasn't used to doing this with the others around.

I strained my ears. Something was wrong. The ambiance was gone. There were no birds chirping and the wind grew eerily still. The fade was weak in the forest. Something always passes through. I got up and went to the others. Fenris was leaning against a tree and Merrill and Carver were working on the fire.

I had a gut feeling that wouldn't go away.

And the minute I stepped close to them, I heard the growl behind me. The roots came from the ground, its branches sharpened to pierce, the leaves shuddering as its 'face' was before me. Sylvans. Two of them surrounded me and the horses whinnied in terror.

"What are those!?" Carver shouted behind me.

"Sylvans!" I shouted, dashing away. Merrill cried out as roots overcame her and Fenris. I heard Fenris shout and he fazed away from the roots, his sword in his hands. "We need to get to the heads!"

The sylvan growled, stomping on the ground near me. I did my best to avoid it but a well time kicked got me in the gut and I hit the trunk of the tree hard. The world spun as I fell, my breath escaping me. I heard the fights and yells of battle but I was too dizzy to get up, the familiar taste of blood in my mouth. I groaned, trying to get up as blood dribble from my mouth.

"Nia!" I looked up and I was met face to large root. I reached for that energy inside of me, paying attention not to use too much to be noticeable to the others and I leaped away, plunging my daggers in its leg.

"Cut down the legs first!" I yelled, ignoring the pain in my gut. I saw Merrill raise the earth and grab the first one by the legs. Carver hacked at them before it fell, the leg severed. I kept the second one busy, the rush of energy making sure I wouldn't fall. I saw Fenris plunge his sword in the first one's head, the light of its otherworldly eyes going out. I leaped back from the one I was fighting as Carver and Fenris ran ahead to fight with it. Merrill summoned fists of rock, pummeling the sylvan. Soon it growled in pain as it bent down, Carver decapitating it.

"By the Dread Wolf! That was unexpected!" Merrill held onto her staff, panting for breath.

"The fade is weak here. What did you expect?" I groaned.

"Wolves." Fenris stated. I rolled my eyes. Carver stepped near the sylvans and gaped at me.

"What…what?" Carver wondered outloud, poking the sylvan.

"They are trees that were possessed by demons." I explained. I looked around. "Ah shit. The horses ran off." I rubbed my face.

"At least the packs are well and safe." Fenris said, pointing at our supplies.

"True but it's going to take longer for us to get back." I groaned, holding my stomach. I let go of the energy and the pain came back. It freaking hurt. I curled up on myself, coughing up some more blood.

"Merrill can you do something?" Carver asked.

"I…I'm not good at healing and…" Merrill fidgeted with her staff.

"There are…a few potions…in my pack." I groaned. Fenris quickly grabbed one and gave it to me to drink. I felt that cool rush inside and the pain ebbed.

"We'll need to be more careful. If what you say is true then we'll see more sylvans or even demons." Fenris said.

"At least we know how to beat these ones." Carver said, poking the sylvans again.

"Two was bad, try doing three then we'll see." I said, standing up, my stomach still feeling off. "Let's set up camp. I'll take first watch."

-/-

"I can't believe it. This is where it ends?" Varric wondered. Cassandra was pacing back and forth as he finished with the entry. There was more to the story. She didn't want to say anything but Carver told him all about it. Fenris eventually caved in as well and Merrill was excitedly retelling it for him for years.

Varric had to persuade Nia to tell him. Once. It was something that she didn't want to remember.

"I wondered that too. What do you know dwarf?" Cassandra asked.

"Will it kill you to use my name?" Varric raised his eyebrow.

"…Varric then." Cassandra scoffed.

"Thank you." Varric sighed. "Well this is a story from someone else, a few people actually so it might not be what you wanted to hear."

Besides, she wouldn't ask too many questions if he spruced up the truth right?

-/-

"Can you slow down? Some here aren't used to roots and dirt and mud and, gah!" Carver tripped and fell on his face. Nia rolled her eyes.

"Come on Carver. You're representing your race here and it's not a very thought out argument." Nia said. Carver groaned, wiping the dirt from his face and clothes.

"You're the one to talk. You're walking through this forest like you own it or something." Carver mumbled, looking at his muddy clothes in disgust.

"Because I'm paying attention." Nia chuckled.

"Are you two done?" Fenris said, crossing his arms and waiting for them.

"We're coming, we're coming." Nia chuckled, following Fenris and the trail of Merrill. They found a clearing and Merrill was standing in it. She had a sad look to her face as she looked around.

"Are you ok?" Carver asked.

"This…was where we were…I spent so many years here. There are marks on this trunk when a few were marked by their Vallaslin. Then here I climbed with Tamlen and…Mahariel. Pol came through here when he found us…" Merrill said, wiping her eyes. "Those years were…so happy." Nia sighed and put her hand on Merrill's shoulder.

"I'm sorry…but we need to-" Nia started. Merrill nodded and wiped a few more tears away.

"Yes I know. The path to the ruins is this way." Merrill said, wiping away the last traces of her tears. Nia's stomach flopped in nervousness. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Fenris came next to her, giving her a concerned look.

"I'm fine. Let's go." Nia said softly. They continued on, the only sound in the background was the ambience of the forest. Carver nearly slammed into the ground again but caught himself in time. Nia laughed and he shoved her into Fenris.

"Hey!" She shouted.

"Don't laugh at me." Carver huffed and continued. Nia scoffed, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. They walked down the path and saw corpses of ghouls, elven ghouls. Merrill gasped and took a few steps back. Nia took out her daggers. She went down to one and felt it.

"It's still warm. Someone is here." Nia said, running into the cave.

"Wait! If there are ghouls there might be darkspawn!" Carver shouted.

"Then it's good thing I killed them for a living!" Nia shouted, running into the cave. The walls became structured. She saw the roots coming through the roof, the light of the lantern shining a few shadows here and there. Nia looked around, the ghouls were dead all around her. One of the passages was blocked by boulders. She went toward the door to the next room. There were spiders and ghouls, all dead. She opened the next door down a long corridor and passed the elven statue.

She got hit with an earth spell that sent her flying into the wall. Nia groaned as she got up hearing a growl near her before it stopped. She got up only to be taken down by a large mabari that licked her face.

"Pft! Hey!" Nia giggled.

"No…it can't be…Alfred!" The mabari followed his master's call. Fenris, Merrill, and Carver rounded the corner. Nia got up slowly. His hair was short and wild, the goatee he had was gone, only slight scruff around his jaw. He still had his piercing blue eyes and the lines on his face were harder, worn down. He had aged.

Eren Cousland.

"Get back!" A Dalish woman ran forward with her daggers.

"Stop Ariane!" Eren commanded. She had long honey colored hair. She looked back to him and back to Nia, still unsure whether or not to treat Nia as an enemy.

"Another of the people! Please we are not here to harm you." Merrill said, standing by Nia.

"Oh a friend then? I am very sorry for casting at you." Nia looked to the other person with them. It was a human who had reddish blonde hair. "After going through what we've gone through in the past few weeks you can understand my reaction." He nervously chuckled.

"Finn…" Eren sighed and rubbed his face. "Nia what are you doing here? More importantly, how did you find me?"

"I can explain later. What exactly were you thinking Eren? Leaving behind Anora, the kingdom and for-!" Nia started, going up to him, anger clear in her face.

"Continue with your ritual Finn. I need to have a talk with my sister." Eren cut her off and motioned for Nia to follow him.

"Sister!? Then she's the Princess!? I just hit the Princess of Ferelden with an earth spell that nearly killed her…" Finn groaned weakly. Alfred barked. Carver and Fenris stayed with the rest. They knew Nia and Eren needed a moment to themselves.

"What are you doing here lethallan?" Ariane said to Merril. Nia went out of the room along with Eren. until they traveled outside of the ruins. Alfred was barking all over, rubbing himself and rolling on the ground. Nia patted him on the head and rubbed his face. She looked at Eren who was wearing heavy armor along with his Highever Shield and sword. She knew he would never let those go. Eren crossed his arms and Nia sighed.

"How did you know?" Eren asked.

"I don't think I really need to explain that part." Nia said softly. Eren rubbed his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Eren…"

"Did they send you here to find me?" Eren said curtly.

"…Anora sent Bann Teagan. She told me if I knew, then to find you. I have a letter-" Nia rummaged in her pack before Eren held up his hand to stop her.

"I don't need it." Eren grumbled.

"Eren don't be selfish. We can't be selfish this time around. You're the frigging King! King of Ferelden, father to the children you have back in Denerim, why are you doing this!?" Nia shouted. Alfred whined but went to his master's side. Eren gave her a tired look.

"I found her." Eren sighed.

"But why?" Nia pleaded.

"I have done much in my reign as King. Ferelden will be able to stand alongside Anora as she rules. I have given her heirs so that she won't have to suffer in the next generation." Eren explained.

"Is that it? Really? All of this for what? For Morrigan!? What about everyone that needs you in the capital? The country, city-" Nia rambled on.

"I love her." Eren said softly. Nia stopped and looked at him. A shell of the former man she once knew. Nia knew that Morrigan's departure took a toll but she didn't know how much of it. Now that she stood before him she noticed the sunken cheeks, the bags under his eyes, the wrinkles that appeared more prominently. "I have been waiting for the day when I can find her again. Now the opportunity lies before me. I am not giving up this chance."

"So all this time…you were waiting?" Nia said, her throat constricted by the emotions she was feeling right now, her eyes becoming misty. Alfred whined and rubbed his head on her hand.

"I have done all I can for my country and it will be served well. There is no need for me. Anora will continue. She must continue." Eren's voice wavered. Nia felt her tears fall from her eyes.

"So much for a happy reunion." Nia said bitterly. Alfred whined. Nia looked at Eren again and he seemed so tired, so exhausted. Nia felt her heart wrench. What can she do? Make him choose between the country he has worked towards or the woman he truly loves?

She couldn't do that to him. She would have been a hypocrite. She was always waiting for the day to go home and she would accept the chance to go back in a heartbeat just like he was doing.

"Fine. Go. Just promise me to…be happy and to never regret this decision!" Nia said, her voice breaking and she looked away from him. She sniffled and felt a hand on her head. Nia leaned against Eren. She bit her lip, shaking.

"I rescind the oath that you pledged to my mother. You no longer have to protect me…my sister." Eren said. Nia gasped with unshed but didn't look at him. She heard footsteps and saw his group coming toward him.

"Um…I…uh found where the shards lead." Finn said.

"Let's go. We can't delay here any longer." Ariane said, going past all of them. Nia saw Finn and Ariane leave with Alfred. She heard the armor clink behind her.

"I adore you Nia. Please be happy." Eren said, going with them. Nia swallowed the lump in her throat. She wiped at her tears furiously. She saw the green of the forest surrounding her, the roots in the wall of the cliff next to her. She punched at it furiously before sliding down. She refused to wail but the tears kept on coming.

"I'm guessing that it didn't go well?" Carver said as he and Fenris came out of the cave. Nia wiped her tears and cleared her throat.

"No…Where's Merrill?" She asked.

"Still inside, purifying the shards. She said that it's going to take a while…Should we sent up camp?" Carver asked. Nia nodded and he went outside to pick a spot. Fenris gave her a worried look but Nia didn't want anything to do with him. She didn't want to do anything with no one. She let her brother go so that he can find happiness even though the country needed him.

"Let's set up camp."

-/-

"That is it? Just a minor meeting in the ruins? And what was this ritual?" Cassandra was entranced but Varric saw how disappointed she was when he didn't have much more to say than that.

"It was used to find an eluvian. An old mirror that had old mirror magic. Daisy tried explaining it to me but even she didn't know about what it was used for. Ariane explained to Merrill that the woman called Morrigan stole a tome that was passed down through generations from the time of Arlathan. Something to turn on an eluvian. They went to the circle to find out some more, found a way to track a working eluvian, and find Morrigan." Varric explained.

"The witch that the King chose over his country." Cassandra glared.

"Knives was adamant that they were both very much in love with each other. So that's it. That's where the Hero of Ferelden disappeared. From what Merrill told me later Ariane contacted her again. She said she got the book back and Morrigan along with the King passed through the eluvian. It stopped working once they passed through it though. Nothing we could do about that." Varric shrugged.

"But where was this eluvian?" Cassandra asked.

"I don't know. Merrill said that Ariane never told her that part." Varric finished. Cassandra sighed, pacing around again. He could see the cogs in her brain turn. He did not know where the hero was. He continued reading where the pages left off from what he told her.

9:33 Justinian 19th

We spent three days in the Brecilian Forest. Luckily there was a river nearby that I could bathe in. The summer heat was on a mild on my scale. Carver wouldn't stop complaining about it.

Merrill spent most of her time inside the ruins using her blood magic and calling on demons to purify whatever was left of the eluvian. Fenris made sure not to come anywhere near her when she would come out to eat or wash.

I remembered what I said to Eren. I wanted him to stay but then I thought back to what Fenris told me.

Was I the one who was selfish?

I waded in the river, my armor and boots to the side with my pants rolled up. I saw the fish in the stream. Carver was fishing to one side. His bucket was empty. Mine had three fish in it. I took a shot and grabbed the fish and threw it on the land.

"That is cheating!" Carver yelled.

"You want to eat right?" I retorted. Carver huffed again. Fenris was somewhere again. I wiped my brow and stood still again. I saw Merrill come into my peripheral vision and threw another fish. Unfortunately I hit her in the face with it.

"Oh my God! I am so sorry!" I laughed. Merrill sputtered as the fish flopped on land.

"At least I can say I've been hit in the face with a fish." Merril giggled. She looked pale but happy.

"How's the mirror?" Carver asked, taking out his makeshift rod and throwing it on the ground.

"I've purified all the pieces of the taint and have it wrapped in a sack. I hope with this I'll be able to rebuild it." Merrill sighed happily.

"You will Merrill. Ok let's char these fish, eat, and be on our way. I'd rather leave here as soon as possible." I grumbled.

"Can we go back to my old camp again? I…want to pay my respects." Merrill said. I nodded and put the fish near the fire. Carver and Merrill talked to themselves and she was becoming animated with the eluvian pieces. I stood up, put on my socks and boots and left camp. They were too happy. I didn't want anything to do with it.

Eren was gone and I let him go. I knew that if he wasn't here during-that she would come and-. Stupid me, stupid brains, stupid-. I hate keeping all of this in track. All of this planning was stressing me out but as long as I can get-everything will be fine.

I sat against the trunk of a tree. I needed time to myself. I needed to cut my hair, damn thing was bothering me. I went to the river again and grabbed a flat rock. I threw it but it didn't skip. Add that to the list of things I can't do. I thought this depression thing was gone but no, one thing just sets me off. I hate it. I hate this.

I kept on throwing them before I knew I was getting hungry so I went back to camp. Carver and Merrill were packing up. I got one of the fish and ate it.

"Where's Fenris?" Merrill asked.

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"I thought he was with you. He likes to be around you. Always gives these puppy eye looks." Merrill giggled.

"I do not." Fenris said, coming in and wiping the sweat off his brow.

"Yes you do! You think that we don't notice!" Merrill teased.

"Merrill leave him alone. Come on. We have to pack. Carver, you want to see Lothering?" I asked, putting on my armor. Carver shrugged.

"I think…it's better if we head home." Carver said.

"All right." I nodded.

"Is there anywhere you'd like to go?" Merrill asked.

"Me?" I wondered.

"You have lots of friends here don't you?" Merrill asked. It had crossed my mind but after seeing Eren, all I wanted to do was go back, throw myself on Anders, and cry. Amaranthine passed my mind though. I fidgeted with my ring.

"It would be nice to visit Vigil's Keep but…" I mumbled.

"The city of Amaranthine's docks are nearer than Denerim's. We can flag down a ship there." Carver reasoned.

"I have to send word to Anora though…actually that might better than telling her straight what happened to Eren. She'll be so cross with me…" I groaned, rubbing my face. Carver chuckled. I got my pack in and we made our way out of the forest. No sylvans this time.

* * *

 **A little original content :3 If you want to know the true ending of Eren's story and of Witch Hunt, I am a Grey Warden will have the answers once I upload it.**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _In their mentality, it was because she helped that caused this to happen. In their eyes, another human wrecked their lives, again. It was blame by proxy. All it takes is one mistake to lose trust._  
 **falloutfan158:** _No it wasn't right and there will be some consequences :3  
_ **Ophelia:** _Huge fan actually. I own everything, I mean everything! Besides the knick knacks here and there. I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :D_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, WardenMahariel, OnkelJo, FearaNightmare, Mizuki00, EG, and Dforce76 for reviewing! Please Review!**


	28. The Missing Pages part 6

9:33 Justinian 16th

Eren…Eren is gone.

We found the ruins where the shards of the Eluvian should have been. I ran inside and noticed the dead ghoul bodies and spiders. I remembered the times where I had traveled through these ruins through my playthrough. I went to the side passage, avoiding the corpses, with only one thing on my mind. I opened the door and the traps on the floor were all handled. There were more dead ghouls around.

I saw the door to the corridor that would lead me to the Eluvian. My heart was pounding as I opened it and went down the hallway to the elven statue. I think the one with wings was Mythal if I remembered correctly.

Then I got hit in the chest with an earth spell. The breath got knocked out of me as I slid on the ground. I groaned in pain as I heard barks and growls all around me. My face became slobbery when that same mabari licked me all over. I weakly squeaked in protest.

"Is that…? Alfred, heel!" Eren shouted. Alfred got off me. I sat up and saw Carver, Fenris, and Merrill round the corner where I was. My breath was taken away when I saw him. It's been years since I have seen Eren. He looked…tired. His lines were set and he wasn't as filled out as before. His eyes were sunken in and he looked so weary. I felt that pang of guilt inside. I already knew the outcome. Ariane came forward with her two daggers in front of Eren, shielding him.

"Get back!"

"Stop Ariane!" Eren shouted. She gave him a look before Merrill came up, showing that she wasn't holding onto any weapons.

"Aneth era lethallan. Please, we don't mean any harm." Merrill said calmly. I stood up, wiping away the trace dirt that clung to me.

"Oh is this a friend? I am very sorry for casting at you." Finn said. "After nearly getting killed a few times over, you can understand my paranoia and reaction." He laughed nervously. Eren sighed and rubbed his face.

"Finn…"

"So this is the king of Ferelden?" Fenris said, crossing his arms.

"I'm sorry your highness, we didn't mean to sneak up on you." Carver said. I raised an eyebrow. Carver was being polite, odd.

"You have curious friends Nia." Eren smirked.

"I know that." I frowned.

"Is the shattered Eluvian in there? Oh please, let me see!" Merrill said before Eren got in her way. Alfred growled at her.

"Eren!" I snapped.

"She can't have the pieces we still need them!" Finn said.

"Alfred calm down. Finn, continue with your ritual. Nia, keep your associates away from them." Eren said in a cold voice. I scowled at him. I sighed.

"Sorry guys but please leave them alone. Finn, Ariane, I need to have a talk with my brother." I growled through clenched teeth.

"Brother!? Then she's the princess? Oh Maker, I just hurled a stone fist at the princess of Ferelden…" Finn whined.

"Wait, do you expect us to just stand around in this Maker forsaken-" Carver started, grabbing onto Eren's arm. He flipped Carver and raised his sword at his throat.

"Do. Not. Touch. Me." Eren seethed. "You can choose any room you like but you will not interfere with Finn's ritual. Do you understand?" His cold blue eyes pierced into Carver's own.

"Eren! Leave him alone!" I shouted. I saw Fenris grabbed for his own sword and Merrill looking at all of us with a worried glance. Eren stared at me before sheathing his sword.

"Keep them away from Finn." Eren growled. Alfred whined between Eren and I. I scoffed.

"Go outside Eren, now. I'll see you guys in a minute." I said as Eren and I went outside.

"Was the king always like that?" Fenris asked.

"Don't ask me this is the first time I met him." Carver rubbed his arm.

"And you grabbed his arm? No wonder he reacted so violently." Fenris huffed.

"Oh sod off." Carver cursed.

Eren and I went out of the ruins. The Brecilian Forest was silent. It was as if they knew that this place was haunted. I looked at Eren. He looked exhausted and there were more wrinkles on his forehead. His eyes on the other hand were sharper than ever. Alfred licked my hand and I gave him an ear scratch.

"I would ask how you found me but seeing as you already knew about what was going to pass, I would have to assume you have always known." Eren crossed his arms.

"I have always known. I knew about the ritual with Morrigan and how you survived. I knew that you would eventually go looking for her as well. Let me guess, you went to the Circle after finding Ariane at Flemeth's hut. Then you went to the Cadash Thaig to look for the lanterns, and now you are here hoping to find an active Eluvian." I explained. If Eren was surprised, he didn't show it.

"It still surprises me how much you know about this world's events." Eren scoffed.

"I have to in order to make sure this world doesn't fall to ruin." I glared.

"Then you are here to stop me." Eren glared back.

"…I want to." I looked at the ground. Alfred whined.

"Who sent you here?" Eren demanded.

"Bann Teagan came to me in Kirkwall as Anora's speaker. I went to Denerim to speak with her. I have this letter from her." I tried to get it from my pack but Eren scoffed.

"Burn it." He said lowly.

"Eren enough! I know you want to be selfish here but you can't! You don't understand what is going to happen in the future! I need you on that throne, you need to be there if everything goes to shit! Which it will by the way!" I countered.

"I don't need to do anything. I have done much for the Kingdom of Ferelden. I've toiled, I've bartered, I've fought for this country. I have risked my life, I have shed my blood, and I have given Anora all the means to continue without me. I have laid the groundwork to make this country rise again. Anora only has to lead." He explained.

"You're being selfish Eren!" I snapped.

"I can't even walk through my childhood home without seeing the ghosts of all my friends and family!" Eren near screamed at me. I froze. "I can barely walk through Denerim's streets without hearing the screams of our warriors dying or seeing visions of the fire from the battle with the Archdemon! Nightmares plague me every single night and the only thing keeping me sane is this!" Eren ripped off his glove and showed me the ring that Morrigan gave him. Eren inhaled sharply and Alfred made sure to lick his other hand. "Her memories, her feelings, the love I have for her...It's the only thing I have left." Eren shook. My heart reached out to him. "You know how it feels like to have your home ripped from you, to know that you can't go back. Morrigan is the only thing that is the closest thing to a home. I have nothing else." Eren cleared his throat and his face became steely again.

"So you never even planned on staying King?" I wondered, wiping my eyes as they became misty.

"Alistair would have made a fine King. I took the mantle because he didn't want it. A favor to a friend. I became the King to prepare for my leave. I have only been bidding my time for the day I would find her again." Eren explained, clearing his throat again. I clenched my jaw.

"So…all this time…you've just been waiting?" I snapped. Eren nodded. "What about Anora? What about her kids-"

"Cailan was worried that she might be barren. Talen helped me realize that this wasn't the case. He helped me by healing her so that she would be able to carry children. With that she has secured the future of Ferelden. Her reign will continue as it will be passed down to her successors. She no longer needs me. She will continue without me." Eren glared.

"She loves you." I argued.

"I do not." He stated coldly. It was always a continuous slap in the face the more I talked to Eren. I have never seen him this way, I have never known him in this way and it was killing me on the inside. It was as if there was a stranger wearing his face.

"What about me? Do you even slightly care about me? About the fact that I need you later on?" I wondered, my voice breaking. Eren sighed and that hardness went away.

"I will always care and love you. I adore you Nia…but please let me go. I have done enough. I want to be happy. I want my family. You have always understood me. Let me go." Eren pleaded.

I couldn't be the hypocrite in this situation but I felt the burden on me increase. If I let him go, Ferelden will be without a true leader. Cassandra wouldn't be able to find the Hero and will look for the Champion. And who really knows if Anora can really rule without him. I know she can. She's strong but...things would be better if he stayed.

But I just saw how…weak he looked at me. I was the only thing that was keeping him here. I held the leash.

And I let go.

"Go then. Go and find Morrigan." I said, turning away from him. I cleared my throat, my eyes welling up with tears. "Just promise me that you won't regret it and that you'll be happy…that's all I want." Alfred whined. I felt Eren's hand on my head and he brought me close to him.

"Nia, my sister…I rescind the oath that my mother made you pledge. You no longer have to protect me. I release you...Promise me this though. Should Anora request your help, I only ask that you help her." He whispered in my hair. I sobbed as I heard him step away. I saw Finn and Ariane come out of the ruins. I wiped my eyes.

"I…um…I found where the shards lead." Finn cleared his throat.

"We cannot delay here any longer. We must move." Ariane said.

"Of course. Find your happiness, my sister...Goodbye." Eren said. They all walked away from the cave. I saw his back. I burned that image into my memory because even I couldn't know the next time I would ever meet him, if I meet him.

And then he was gone. I wiped away my tears and punched the dirt. I kicked it several times as well cursing under my breath but without malice. I was tired. I was exhausted. I didn't have anyone else that knew my secret. Eren knew. He was the only one I could truly rely on.

And now he was gone.

9:33 Justinian 21st

I sent out the correspondence when we neared Denerim. Carver was complaining about camping out again and wanted to feel his real bed. I swear I'm never traveling with him again.

We were camped out on Pilgrim's Path. Vigil's Keep was a day away. Fenris and I were playing Wicked Grace. Merrill was going over the shard pieces and Carver was conked out on his bedroll.

"I win again." Fenris said with surprise. I wasn't doing my usual moves.

"Hm."

"I see you are completely focused on our game." Fenris chuckled.

"Hm."

"Are you going to say anything with more syllables?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Maybe."

"Hmph." Fenris shook his head. I chuckled at that. I looked down the path.

"Vigil's Keep…I can't believe it's been almost two years since I've been there." I said softly.

"You write to them do you not?" Fenris said, grabbing a card.

"All the time but it's been a while since I've seen anyone. They're always busy with Grey Warden stuff that they don't come to visit me. Not to mention that Amaranthine relies on the Grey Wardens a bit too much when it comes to protection. They have a guard but the farms and the rest rely on the Grey Wardens. Ah the Angel." I put down my cards. "I win."

I saw Merrill snoozing with the sack near her. I chuckled and watched how the flames danced. I looked out to the stars and recognized a few constellations. Fenris followed my gaze and we both had a silent moment looking at the stars.

"This was nice. I traveled before settling on Kirkwall. Ferelden is not bad at all. Not like how the people of Kirkwall make it to be." Fenris chuckled.

"They're just complaining because the refugees moved in. Where have you traveled?" I wondered.

"Tevinter, Seheron." Fenris replied.

"You were in Seheron? Damn." I shook my head and chuckled.

"Then you know about the unending war there." Fenris said.

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes." I said sincerely. Tevinter fighting Qunari fighting Fog Warriors fighting Tal-Vashoth with the locals caught in the middle? I didn't even want to imagine it. Fenris remained quiet at that. "Go to sleep. I have first watch." I picked up my cards and put them away. Fenris ruffled my hair and gave me a shock from it.

"Do you feel better?" Fenris asked.

"From what?" I asked.

"From what happened to your brother." Fenris said. I sighed. I let the silence hang. "I see." Fenris rolled out his bedroll and laid down. I rubbed my face. How can he sleep with that spiky armor I have no idea.

9:33 Justinian 23rd

"Wow!" Merrill giggled as we neared the gates of Vigil's Keep. I saw that they were still in the process of rebuilding it. The darkspawn army did a number on it. The walls were sturdy during the attack but some of the building on the inside needed work. Voldrik complained but did rebuild it diligently the last time I was here. He never thought that a human building would even compare to a dwarven one but he thought it did. As we walked past the gates, there were a few Wardens that I recognized and they recognized me back.

"Your highness welcome back!" They waved.

"My lady Nia!"

"Do you need me to fetch Seneschal Garavel?" A guard said coming up to me.

"Umm no. Is-" I saw a familiar red head go by. He took a sip from his flask before settling his eyes on me. I swear his eyes bugged out from his bushy red eyebrows.

"Girly!" Oghren shouted, running up to me. I gasped. Oghren was wearing some fine Grey Warden armor. He wrote a letter to me on the fact that he wore it with pride and sauntered around it the first day they gave it to him.

"Oghren!" I shouted and he gave me a bear hug and twirled me around.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes! Welcome back!" Oghren put me down and I laughed.

"Glad to be back Oghren. You're beard is still magnificent as ever." I snapped my fingers in approval.

"Thank you, thank you. What are you doing here girly? I thought you went to be all posh back in Kirkwall!" Oghren wondered.

"I was asked to come back for a situation." I giggled. Oghren looked behind me.

"And who are these welps?" Oghren gruffly said.

"Oghren be nice." I patted his shoulder. "These are my friends. Carver, Merrill, and Fenris." I pointed to each of them.

"Hmph more elves." Oghren rolled his eyes. I laughed.

"It's nice to meet you! Do you know Varric?" Merrill wondered, coming up to him.

"Never heard of him! Hey how long are you going to be staying girly? I got some of the best of Oghren's brew somewhere around here…" Oghren chuckled lowly.

"Uh no. Remember what I said about drinking your stuff? Never again." I shook my head.

"So it was his drink that caused you to blackout for a week and have-" Fenris started before I shushed him.

"Fenris!" My face grew red from remembering. No one was going to let me live it down I swear.

"Come inside girly! That cranky elf and brood man should be around here somewhere!" Oghren guffawed.

"Where's Alistair?" I wondered, following him. I noticed a few dwarves working on a monument that had wings in the back.

"Out in the Free Marches with Sunshine." Oghren replied.

"You mean Bethany was here?" Carver pipped up.

"You know Sunshine?" Oghren raised his eyebrow.

"Carver is her twin brother Oghren." I said, as we made our way through the gates.

"Ah so you're the Junior she was always talking about! Yeah Sunshine was here for some time before that one guy Stroud said something about the Free Marches and off they went!" Oghren took another sip from his flask.

"Is she alright?" Carver asked.

"She's on the sad side of things but being a Grey Warden isn't all about pissing rainbows." Oghren huffed.

"Thank you Oghren for that lovely interpretation." I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you I'll be here all week." Oghren chuckled. We went through the main gates and there was mild nostalgia I had from walking these halls. Things were so different now. This place was full of activity. I have changed as well. Nothing stays the same I guess. We went into the throne room. There were more trophies and a high dragon's skull on the wall. The reds were still welcoming and the fire in the center going strong. I saw Velanna and Mistress Woolsey near the throne. Velanna gave a double take at our entrance before she gaped.

"Nia?" Velanna gasped.

"Velanna!" I giggled. She gave me a look of incredulity before it turned into rage.

"…You daft shem!" Oh crap.

"Wah!" I missed the book she threw by a hair. Velanna stalked toward me. "Ok Velanna calm down don't-" She summoned fire into her hand. "Don't do anything rash! Wah!" It missed me by a hair.

"Do you know how worried we were when you left!?" Velanna shouted before summoning some more fire.

"Wah!" I dodged the fire. Carver and Merrill headed for cover and Fenris was extremely tense. If Oghren wasn't there laughing his ass off, Fenris might have stepped in with his sword.

"Nathaniel was searching for you for weeks, WEEKS!" Velanna kept on throwing, walking ever closer while I tried to dodge for my life.

"Hey! That almost-wah!"

"Shouldn't we stop them?" Carver asked Oghren. He guffawed.

"Junior this is the most fun I've had in months. Let's just watch." Oghren slapped Carver's back and he groaned in pain. I saw Fenris had his hand on his sword when I tripped on the carpet and Velanna got near.

"We thought you died and all of a sudden we somehow get a letter that you were in Kirkwall!?" Velanna stomped toward me. I tried to crawl away.

"I didn't know-ow!" She grabbed me by my collar, hoisted me up, and slapped me.

"Our commander was searching high and low for you!" Velanna shook me.

"I-ow!" Another slap.

"Don't you know how worried we were for you!?" Velanna shouted, tears in her eyes, shaking me. I felt that guilt inside me. My face stung from the slaps but it hurt more when I saw Velanna tearing up. Velanna, the pride elf that wouldn't help a human even if it costed her, her life a few years back is crying because of me.

"I'm sorry." I said softly. She let go of my collar. She pinched my cheek and sighed, wiping the stray tears.

"At least you understand." Velanna huffed. And there she was again. I laughed. Everyone else seemed to finally calm down as well. Merrill was nearly bouncing in her spot, no doubt wanting to talk to another Dalish.

"What is going on here?" Nathaniel said, coming in from one of the side passages, then he saw me.

"Uh Hi?" I gave a weak wave. He glared at me and came by Velanna. I felt small under his wrathful gaze.

"Did you…?" Nathaniel asked.

"She got what was coming." Velanna huffed.

"I see you've brought friends?" Nathaniel raised his eyebrows looking at Carver, Merrill, and Fenris.

"She brought more elves. Like we needed any more…" Oghren scoffed and taking another drink.

"Dwarf I can kill you." Fenris glared.

"I'd like to see you try white hair!" Oghren shouted.

"White hair?" Fenris raised his eyebrow. Carver chuckled.

"How are you able to do that with your beard?" Merrill wondered.

"Spit and plenty of alcohol." Nathaniel said flatly. I laughed.

"Come we have to show you Solan." Velanna said, grabbing my arm and dragging me.

"But they-" I looked back.

"Your friends will be fine." Velanna chuckled while shoving me into the door near us. We went into a room that had a few kids running around. It looked like a daycare almost. "Solan!"

"Ma!" A little boy came running up to her. He had Nathaniel's hair but her complexion and eyes. Velanna looked softer, grabbing him and twirling him in the air. I felt that pang of hurt but I forced it down.

"He's beautiful." I smiled.

"Isn't he? Look, this is Nia." Velanna introduced him. Solan snuggled closer to his mother.

"He wouldn't recognize me." I chuckled.

"He should. Thank you for sending us those books that you've found. The children around here enjoy them." Velanna smiled.

"What is this anyway?" I questioned. It was a wide room with various children running around. It looked like a daycare/preschool.

"It's a place for the children's parents while they're gone. There are a few orphans here as well from the battle. Nathaniel thought it would be nice to house them here." Velanna nodded, Solan still clinging to her tightly.

"You've done well for yourself. How goes your book?" I said, leaning against the wall, away from the hyper children.

"I've stopped for a while, trying to take care of my little one." She said, kissing the top of Solan's head.

"Ever thought that you would be here when we found you in the Wending Wood?" I chuckled.

"No. I must thank you for that. Nathaniel told me that you were the one who convinced Alistair to allow me in the ranks of the Grey Wardens. I'll never be able to repay you." She smiled softly.

"Just keep yourself safe Velanna that's all I ask." I smiled back. We got out of there after Solan went off and played with a few of the children. "I saw that they were building something out in the courtyard, a statue of a person with wings?"

"You haven't realized that one is for you?" Velanna raised her eyebrow.

"What!? But that, I mean, it-"

"You saved many in that battle. You should at least give yourself some credit." Velanna said. I felt my face flush. She laughed.

We eventually settled down at the mess hall. Merrill and Velanna were talking animatedly to each other in broken elvish. Solan was eating by his mother's side. Nathaniel and Fenris were trying to see which one of them were the most sarcastic. Oghren and Carver were sharing a few stories here and there. I smiled at it all. New friends with my old friends. It was nice. I excused myself and went out into the courtyard.

I saw the guards walking the walls of the Keep and a few up in the battlements. The sparring in the courtyard died down and everyone went back into the barracks to get their rest. I walked over to the monument that Voldrik built. His brother was on the run from the Qunari, poor Dworkin. I ran my hands through the engraved names, my fingers finding Sigrun.

She was the first friend I lost due to my powerlessness. I couldn't help her. Even now my heart still stings whenever I think about her. Sigrun's smile, her giggle, her perkiness. She was a hard person to forget.

She died with a smile on her face though.

I did a fist bump against her name.

"May you ever find peace with your Ancestors Sigrun. Atrast tunsha."

9:33 Justinian 24th

It felt odd to wake up in my old room again. They kept it the same as it was before. My old bed, vanity, miscellaneous things here and there. It felt nostalgic and I almost wanted to stay but I couldn't. There were things to do back in Kirkwall. I did gather my old clothes though. I set aside my pack. Ser Pounce-a-lot groaned on the bed. The damn cat was still here.

He meowed at me and rubbed against my leg. I gathered my things and went out. Many of the guards and Grey Wardens that passed greeted me with familiarity. I went to the courtyard, Ser Pounce-a-lot following me. I saw Fenris, Carver, and Merrill at the gates along with Oghren, Nathaniel, Velanna, and Solan.

"Make sure you keep on writing girly! I'll introduce you to my nugget one day." Oghren slapped my back. I groaned but laughed.

"I'll look forward to it Oghren."

"Dareth Shiral. May Mythal protect you." Velanna nodded.

"Thank you Velanna. Take care of Solan for me." I said as he snuggled closer to her.

"Come. The docks of Amaranthine awaits my lady." Nathaniel teased.

"Don't start Nathaniel." I laughed. We left Vigil's Keep and headed to Amaranthine.

"It was amazing what we talked about! Oh I should go traveling some more!" Merrill giggled.

"I wouldn't mind traveling with you." Carver nonchalantly said.

"But you complain so much." Merrill giggled. Fenris chuckled.

"Are they treating you well in Kirkwall? I haven't been back in so long." Nathaniel said wistfully.

"You're not missing out on much but yeah I'm doing well over there. I'm this guy's personal maid though." I shoved Fenris playfully.

"You could leave anytime you wish." Fenris smirked.

"True but your kitchen is amazing." I giggled.

"You're cooking, why doesn't that surprise me?" Nathaniel rolled his eyes.

"She cooks very well. It surprises me." Fenris chuckled before I shoved him again.

"You shush or I won't cook anymore."

"I'll kick you out." Fenris huffed.

"I own the house now." I stuck my tongue out at him and he pinched my cheek. I swatted his hand away and chuckled.

"Children please." Nathaniel said. We all laughed.

"Do you know of any stories about Nia that we don't? She rarely speaks of this place!" Merrill asked.

"Are you serious?" Fenris wondered.

"Well there is not much to tell besides of our adventures through Amaranthine." Nathaniel shrugged.

"Kal'Hirol, Blackmarsh, the Wending Wood, I told you about it all." I laughed.

"But he's a real Grey Warden!" Carver smirked.

"Caver, Anders is a real Grey Warden too." I rolled my eyes.

"How is he?" Nathaniel asked.

"Same as ever, talking about mage this, Templar that, skipping out his meals, not resting enough, being stupid overall…" I pouted. Nathaniel laughed.

"At least he has you there to take care of him." Nathaniel ruffled my hair.

"She is not his mother." Fenris said.

"I take care of everyone at this point Fenris." I laughed.

"True but you haven't made stew in a very long time." Merrill said.

"Stew is too hot for this weather!" Carver huffed.

"Carver, do you ever stop complaining?" I rolled my eyes.

"I already have holes in my socks." Carver frumbled.

"Boo hoo, so sad. Let me play you the saddest song on Thedas' tiniest violin. You hear that?" I mocked.

"Sod off princess." Carver shoved me.

"Don't call me that!" I laughed, pushing Carver ahead. Carver and Merrill trailed ahead, looking at the scenery of Amaranthine. Fenris was in the middle of the group while Nathaniel, Ser Pounce-a-lot and I trailed behind.

"You are much happier than before. This eases a burden." Nathaniel sighed.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't…no there is no excuse for the way I acted after Anders left." I sighed.

"I didn't realize how much he meant to you." Nathaniel said softly. I rubbed my face trying to hide my rising flush.

I couldn't tell him the truth, of how I wanted Anders to stay so the Mage-Templar war wouldn't start. That I tried to make Anders stay so he wouldn't blow up the Chantry in the future so I just nodded my head and allowed him to think what he wanted to. Fenris looked behind to Nathaniel and I. I made sure to look down.

We camped right by the road. Amaranthine would be there tomorrow as well.

"How are your sister and her son, Nathaniel?" I asked.

"They are well and are about to settle on the lands provided for me." Nathaniel said proudly.

"The Howes are getting better then?" I hummed. Nathaniel chuckled.

"Thank you for this opportunity. I…never though my life would go through this path. I owe you my gratitude." Nathaniel bowed slightly.

"Anytime Nathaniel." I gave him a chest to fist bump.

"When do you not help people Nia?" Carver asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Anyway, you should sleep. I will wake you for your watch." Nathaniel said.

"Ok."

9:33 Justinian 25th

"And do not follow strange men at night."

"Uh huh."

"Be mindful on the trails."

"Yes."

"Be sure to examine all cuts after a fight."

"Mhm."

"Don't rush into danger."

"Ok."

"And write often."

"Nathaniel, I know all of these things." I laughed.

"Then you don't mind a healthy reminder." He chuckled as we walked toward the boat in the docks. I got to the board that headed into the ship. "Please take care of yourself."

"And you as well. I would hate to get another angry letter from Velanna." I rolled my eyes. Nathaniel chuckled.

"I might visit when I have the chance." Nathaniel said.

"I'll make sure to treat you at the Hanged Man." I nodded.

"Nia!" I heard Carver shout.

"Oh got to go!" I said, going on the ship. I waved to Nathaniel as we sailed away and made our way back to Kirkwall.

I watched as Amaranthine became farther and farther away. Ser Pounce-a-lot was resting on my lap. Merrill was going around and exploring the ship. Carver was looking out near me. He watched as Merrill giggled, walking around, jumping nimbly everywhere to and fro.

"You know you're not going to get anywhere like this. It's been two years and nothing has changed between you two. You need to hurry up and let her know." I said, petting and scratching Ser Pounce-a-lot.

"What!?" Carver exclaimed.

"Come on Carver you're not fooling anyone. If you're in love with Merrill then go for it. I'd say you have a good chance with her. You've known her, talked with her, experienced things with her. What's holding you back?" I giggled. Carver fidgeted with his bracers.

"It's just…there isn't anyone like her and…I don't want to hurt her. She cares so much for her people. I keep on wondering if that is what she deserves." Carver mumbled.

"What's a good elven man? We don't have a lot of those in Kirkwall. Sure she lives in the Alienage but are any of them as good as a guy as you? Not by half." I encouraged.

"Heh, you're just buttering me up." Carver flicked my nose. I swatted it away.

"Maybe but you're not going to get anymore just by doing these small visits. You have to take a chance otherwise you'll stay in the same spot. Take it from me, a person who has had a real relationship." I laughed haughtily. Carver snorted.

"I sometimes forget that you're married and have kids. When do you think you'll be able to go home?" Carver asked. I frowned.

"…I don't know."

"This ship is astounding! I love the sea air! Is this why Isabela loves this so much?" Merrill giggled, her face flushed in excitement. Carver looked at her with a smile full of love. I smirked.

"Merrill, Carver has something to talk to you about." I said. Carver coughed.

"Oh what is it? It's not about the mabari tattoo is it?" Merrill cocked her head innocently.

"No! No. It's…well…here, come down toward our rooms. I'll tell you there." Carver cleared his throat, his face growing red.

"Ok. Let's go!" Merrill said. Carver gave me a thumbs up and I gave one to him back. They both went down to the cabin and I sighed, leaning against the rail. Ser Pounce-a-lot got off my lap and went to explore again. I got up and looked down toward the water. The sun was nearly setting.

"I see that you have convinced Carver to have a 'talk' with Merrill." Fenris said, coming to stand next to me.

"Sometimes you have to give some a slight nudge in the right direction." I chuckled. "He just has to say it. Really what more can he lose? If she rejects him, he can move on. If she doesn't, then they can start something. That guy needs something in his life. All this talk about proving himself and wanting to be a part of something? Might as well use it to gain an advantage to get a relationship."

"You're speaking from experience then?" Fenris raised his eyebrow.

"On the confessing thing?" I put my chin in my hand and wondered. Fenris nodded. I felt my face flush. "Well…there were a few times I confessed in my lifetime. It's easier when you have control mainly because if someone told me that they liked me I'd immediately say I didn't believe them."

"Why?"

"You're going to find this hard to believe but I have very low self-esteem." I whispered playfully. Fenris scoffed. "No I'm serious. Even now I don't really have much confidence. In fighting yes I do have confidence, put me in a fight and I'll win. Matters of love however…it's not that I'm inexperienced but I had a lot of bad ones. It took me six months to realize my husband was in love with me."

"Six months?" Fenris looked at me seriously.

"Yeah, six months! In the end I still made the first move in everything! I asked him to start a relationship with me, I was the one who asked him to marry me, hell I gave him the first kiss at the start of our relationship!" I giggled, waving my hands around before setting my face in my chin again and looking out to see. "But that was easier for me. Anyone else that gained affection for me and showed it…it made me wonder if this was a joke or were they serious. If they were serious…it was nice. I have this view that if someone likes me I wonder what exactly do they like. I'm short, not that good looking in the face area, my body is stocky and muscular. Physically-"

"You are very pretty." Fenris interrupted.

"Thank you but I don't see myself like that. It makes me wonder when a guy likes me, what do they like about me?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"You are strong, straight forward, and very caring toward others." Fenris described. I sighed and put my chin in my hands.

"I guess. I try to be a good person." I mumbled.

"You are." Fenris nodded.

"Thanks Fenris." I chuckled.

"…Do you still wonder about what happen with your brother?" Fenris asked. I stayed silent. I didn't see why Fenris kept on bringing it up. I didn't want to think about it. A violent breeze came by and my hair became all wild.

"Wah!" I spat out a few strands that got in my mouth.

"Hm my hair is getting longer." Fenris said, tugging at his hair. I laughed and tugged on a few strands of his.

"A little more and it'll cover your eyes." I ran my hand through and held back his hair that was over his eyes. My hand lingered and I gave him a soft smile. "I'll get someone to cut it for you." Fenris stared at me with those eyes of his. I took my hand away and his hair fell again. I had to be careful. I was looking for an excuse to touch. It felt nice though. "Carver and Merrill have been gone a long time haven't they?" I said, looking out to the sea again.

"They are a grown man and woman. What do you think they will be doing?" Fenris smirked.

"Nah, they can't be…really…doing that right?" I laughed nervously. Fenris gave me a deadpan look. "Ok now you've got me curious." I grabbed his arm and headed down.

He was right apparently since I heard them before I got to the room. My face flushed in embarrassment. Fenris was right behind me.

"I was right." He said. His voice sounded husky in my ear and it made me redder. I haven't felt this feeling in a long time. It felt exciting, anxious, butterflies in my stomach feeling. It also made me feel extremely guilty.

"Let's go up before I cause myself to faint out of embarrassment." I mumbled.

"It is normal for them." Fenris said as I felt that cool air of the sea.

"I know but, gah!" I rubbed my cheeks to make them less red. Fenris chuckled at me and my face continued to be flushed until we ate later on. Carver and Merrill were both flushed as we ate as well.

"Good things happened down below I guess?" I asked.

"Oh be quiet Nia." Carver snapped and Merrill giggled.

"I can see why he tells me not to call him a sworder." Merrill giggled.

"Merrill!" Carver's face resembled a beet. I laughed until my stomach hurt. It was good for them to get together. In the end though, I felt jealous.

It's been almost six years since I came here. The loneliness has been staved off by my friends but it creeps. It's there waiting for me to have a weak moment.

Those weak moments are usually at night.

The sea at night was…foreboding. The water was dark, the sky was clear with stars, and the moons shined with an otherworldly light. The sea at night almost felt like a completely different world. It was during the nights that I'm weakest.

I kept on thinking about what happened with Eren. He doesn't know it but the world needed him if the Mage-Templar war started. Now he's gone. I let him go so why does it keep on hurting me so much?

The memories of everything that happened to me keep coming back to haunt me. Not only that, the memories of my family seems to grow fainter with every passing year. I have my phone and Anders sometimes charges it so I look through the photos of my family, of my husband, of my children. Lately I haven't if only because it hurts so much just to see them. It's been six years. I rarely travel the fade and Halo no longer speaks to me.

When will I go home?

The memories are plunging me deeper and deeper into an abyss that I can't shake off.

It hurts. It hurts.

God it hurts so much.

I felt the tears come, the lump in my throat swelling. I let out small gasps of air. I tried to control it but there was so much of it inside. The bottle of my emotions was filled to bursting with tiny marbles of pain, of sorrow. I sniffled silently as I gazed out toward the water. I felt a presence behind me and I looked back. The moonlight made Fenris' hair glow. I wiped my eyes.

"What are you doing out here Fenris?" I cleared my throat.

"I should be asking you the same thing." Fenris near whispered.

"You already know how I get at night." I said softly. The nightmares and the hurt don't go away just because I live with someone. "I keep on…thinking…what Eren did…it hurt but…what you said keeps on haunting me. Was it me that was selfish? Was it me that wanted to keep him here? Was I just making excuses so that he could stay?" My voice broke at the last word. I put my hand over my mouth, trying to control the emotions that swirled.

I felt Fenris boring his eyes in me. I gathered what little control I had and let out a breath. I cleared my throat again.

"It's been six years…six years since I've been away from home. Every single time I think about it the pain grows. It stabs and it paralyzes me. I think about all the missed years and experiences…I think about how my children are growing up without me how they'll forget me! I think about how my husband will continue to live on despite everything we had! Then I think about my life here…It's been…trying but wonderful at the same time. All the experiences I've had, all the people I met…I've cherished it all…then things like this happen." I paced in front of him. "The massacre in Highever castle, Sigrun and all those soldiers that died…" I pushed down that lump in my throat. "And now Eren is gone too. I would have been a hypocrite if I let him stay. Here I am waiting for the day when I could go home and he was waiting as well, waiting for her, a sign to go to her. He found it and I was going to try to keep him away."

"He had a duty." Fenris replied.

"He completed it. He was a Grey Warden and fought against the Blight and won. He was a king that allowed his country to grow and stand without him. He gave Anora the right to pass on her lineage through their children. All he wanted was…Morrigan. Eren wanted to be selfish and…I allowed him to leave." I gasped for breath. Tears rolled down my eyes but I refused to let it all out.

"Why does it hurt you so much?" Fenris wondered.

"Because! I remember it all! I remember everything from beginning to end! The memories, the trials, everything! He was there for me, he was my brother…and…I felt like he abandoned me." I whispered.

That was it. That was the truth. He chose Morrigan over me.

"He left me alone…" I whispered. "He left me to deal with this all alone…" I gave out a bitter laugh. "You might be searching for your memories Fenris but I…I just wish that I could forget like you." I gasped again and curled up on the floor. It was a mean thing to say to him. I knew it but I wish I could forget. I wanted to forget the future. I hated knowing what could happen, what might happen, and everything I had to do to stop it from happening. I heard something clatter in front of me. I looked up and saw Fenris putting his greatsword in front of me.

"There are times when you must stand alone. You will not have anyone there no allies, no friends, no family. Lift it. Remind yourself why you are here." Fenris encouraged. I took a breath and wiped my eyes. I grabbed the handle and tried. It was damn heavy. How Fenris was able to swing this around faster than you can blink was beyond me.

"This…you really expect me to-"

"Lift it." Fenris interrupted, crossing his arms. He was wearing a tight tunic. The only thing he wears when there's no chance of us getting attacked. I sighed and wiped more tears away. I grabbed the handle again and tried to lift it. I groaned in frustration but I knew why he was doing all of this. I'm putting myself down, not being able to see my goal anymore. My focus was ruined because of what happened back in Ferelden.

I had to regain that back and if that meant I had to lift his sword then I will. I got into position and tried lifting it again. My muscles hurt and I felt the sweat drip down. I forgot how many times I tried but it came off the ground a little more every single time.

Finally, the tip came off the ground and I held it. I let it go and it clattered.

That also meant that everything I was holding onto came out. I sputtered as I sobbed slightly. I heard Fenris come closer to me and he put his hand on my head. I hugged him tightly to me. His body was very tense as I sobbed into his collarbone. I felt him continue to pat me on the head, slight shocks from the lyrium tattoos stung but I didn't care. I felt the sobs slow and I took a deep breath before unknowingly snuggling into Fenris.

Then I remembered what I was doing. I cleared my throat and let him go. I wiped at the last of my tears and took a deep breath.

"Thank you Fenris." I said sincerely. Fenris gave a rare smile and chuckled.

I found myself staring at him. He was beautiful.

…Shit.

* * *

 **I am so sorry for the length of this. I swear I need to put a restriction on how long these get...**

 **PinkStalker23, DarthInvader6320:** _It might have not been the best reason to leave I know but as you read above, Eren was suffering through major PTSD and could not think straight. But he was also selfish. Not everything will go the way Nia will want._

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, Chimera Spyke, OnkelJo, and BusyMonkey for reviewing! Please Review!**


	29. The Missing Pages Part 7

9:33 Justinian 28th

"Look! We're reaching the gallows!" Merrill cried out. Kirkwall, the city of chains loomed over us. I smiled as another gale swept over my face. It was warm but it felt good. I did a passing look over Fenris. I felt that familiar sensation in my stomach when he noticed me. I quickly looked away and bit the inside of my cheek to stop from blushing.

Shit.

It wasn't like those romance mangas or anything where you suddenly realize your feelings. No I've known for a really long time but I don't remember when it started.

When did it start when I tried looking for Fenris, to catch his gaze, to see his smile, or to make him laugh? I stared at him when I thought he wasn't looking. I liked it when he leaned in the doorway watching me cook. I would watch his face as he read. It was amazing how the books would cause his reactions to change. I tried to stop it. I tried to suppress it. It wasn't working.

Shit. This was bad. This was really, really bad. I shouldn't be feeling this way, not when I have this ring on my finger. I needed someone to talk to about this. Someone that would have the same experience as me.

As soon as we touched down over at the docks, I ran for Hightown, Ser Pounce-a-lot hanging on for dear life. It wasn't like I didn't want to spend more time with Fenris. In fact, I wouldn't mind spending days with him in our mansion-my mansion not ours!

I panted as I put down all my things in my room, near heaving at my sudden sprint. Ser Pounce-a-lot meowed in annoyance. Sorry kitty. It felt nice for a minute but I remembered what I was going to do. I got out and went over to the Viscount Keep. The keep was busy just like how I left it almost a month ago. I went into the barracks and into Aveline's office. I think I surprised her because she jumped in her seat.

"Nia? Welcome back." Aveline nodded.

"Aveline I have a problem and I need you to help me!" I stated, closing the door. She got up from her chair, a serious expression on her face.

"What happened?" She commanded. I felt my face flush. My stomach did flips but this was past the point of feeling ashamed.

"I…I…" I took a deep breath. "I'm in love with Fenris." I confessed. It stung to realize it. Aveline gave me a blank look and then sighed.

"I thought you said this was serious." She rubbed her face and sat down.

"This is serious! I'm married! Don't you get it!? I'm emotionally cheating on my husband right now." I whined. I felt my hands shake. Aveline gave me an understanding look. She got up, led me to the chair opposite of her own, and I sat down.

"I had hoped not to bring this out but…you are right. This is serious." She took out a bottle of rum from underneath her desk.

"Where did you-?"

"You never saw it. Now…tell me all about it." Aveline interrupted, pouring me a cup. I knew Aveline would understand. We were the only ones that were married.

I told her about my growing feelings over the past months. I told her about the excuses and the gestures that I kept on doing to somehow touch Fenris, even slightly. I told her how I snuggled into Fenris without realizing it on the way back.

I told her everything while my hands shook the cup.

The darkness receded but instead the guilt filled up the hole.

I didn't want this to happen. I loved my husband, I loved my kids, and I wanted to go home. This…this was something unexpected that I couldn't control. I wanted to remain faithful but here I am falling in love with another man.

I hated myself.

Aveline listened to me and even sent away reports throughout my explanation. At the end the bottle was a quarter empty and I was on my third cup.

"…I'm a horrible person aren't I?" I did a near head-desk. Instead, I put my face in my hands. Aveline chuckled.

"No you are not. Sometimes we can't help our feelings. I had the same problem when Wesley died and…well let's just say there is someone I can't get out of my head as well. It's different though between you and I. My husband is gone and he won't come back. Yours is still out there. Whether he's waiting for you or not is the question." Aveline explained.

"It's been six years…" I looked at the rum in my cup. "I don't know. I know…he's probably been intimate with others. He's like that. He needs that physical part of a relationship." I mumbled.

"And you're not angry?" Aveline wondered.

"No. It's six years, that's a long time to wait for someone. It's fine if he goes and sees someone else for that." I shrugged.

"…And it's not fine for you?" She scoffed.

"No." I stated.

"Sounds like a shitty double standard if you ask me." She took another sip from her cup.

"I can wait it out. I have. There was only that one time between Zevran, Isabella, and I in six years. Just that one time and I wasn't in the right mental state at the time since I was drunk so I don't count it. He can't wait so he could go ahead if he wanted to but…the heart is something different. The love I have for my husband has never left me. Whenever I look at this ring I think of the promise we made to each other but…I don't know when and I don't know why or how…I started to think of Fenris. I started to watch him and wanted more. Gah! I hate this! What should I do Aveline? I have no idea what I should do!" I moaned and hit my head on the desk. It hurt.

"That's easy." Aveline chuckled. "Nothing."

"…What?" I looked up at her.

"You can't force yourself to stop what you're feeling. That's actually the worst thing you can do. There's no way you'll do something like kiss him right?" Aveline smirked.

"NO!" I shouted.

"Then? Why are you worried? All you have to do is wait it out. You don't have to act on those emotions. Accept them instead and do nothing." Aveline smiled. It hit me like a ton of frigging bricks.

"That's…surprisingly simple." I laughed.

"Love in a matter of speaking is surprisingly simple when you lay it out." Aveline chuckled. I thought about it and I accept what she said.

"Yeah. You're right. It's bad that I have these feelings but it's not like anyone is forcing me to act on them. Ok, I see now! Thank you Aveline. Also, don't do this with the guy you're after. I won't do anything but you can go for it all you want!" I said, giving her a thumbs up. Aveline laughed at me.

"I…I don't know." She bashfully smiled.

"Oh come on Aveline! So who's the lucky guy, huh, huhhh?" Of course I already knew. The door opened.

"Excuse me Guard Captain but I-" I saw Donnic come in as I was poking Aveline's cheek. She grew red and I smirked. "Am I interrupting?"

"No I'm done here. Thank you Aveline for your wonderful advice. When you need me to conquer and slay your next victim, I'll be there." I laughed.

"Oh stay here Donnic, Nia!" Aveline got red but I stopped. "One more thing. You will need to talk to the Ferelden refugees at one point. When you were gone there have been various skirmishes between them and the city Alienage. Nothing too bad, only a few fights but I would rather you look into it yourself. It does have to do with you." Aveline explained. I frowned but nodded. I took one look at Donnic though and smirked. "Nia!" I laughed and I got out of there before Donnic was able to figure out the symbolism behind what I did.

I felt less stressed after talking Aveline but I was worried about what she told me. Refugees and the City Elves fighting because of me? That was weird. I passed and went over to the stairs to get to Lowtown. I passed by the merchants and found Lirene's Imports. I entered and there were still many refugees in there. A few gave me some passing hellos and a few shook my hand. I went passed them and saw Lirene doing a few handouts near the bunkers in the other room.

"Lirene." I said. She looked over to me before handing out her duties to another volunteer.

"Welcome your highness. Is there anything I can do for you? I'm surprised you went off without a word for nearly a month." Lirene stared down at me. She wasn't too happy either.

"I had responsibilities to take care of. There is a reason why I'm here besides to announce that I came back." I crossed my arms. Lirene gave out a sharp exhale.

"You mean the fights that the refugees have been getting right? Many have heard what the elves did to you during the fire. Not many refugees took kindly to that. As much as I tried to explain to them that you would have none of it, they still continued. Some got taken by the Guard but they don't listen to me at all." Lirene scowled. I shook my head. It was stupid. I wasn't asking for revenge or anything. I went back out and did the only whistle I could make to get the refugees attention.

"Can you please all listen to what I'm about to say?" They looked at me expectantly. "Please stop fighting with the city elves."

"But your highness they attacked you!"

"They blamed you for the attacks when you had no fault in it!"

"They should be begging you for your mercy!" There were various more shouts before I whistled again.

"What happened in the Alienage was a tragedy. Maybe they were wrong in hurting, maybe they weren't but violence is never the answer." I bowed low. Many gasped and told me lift my head. "Please, I don't want anymore people getting hurt." When I looked up, a few looked ashamed.

"Those knife-ears got what was coming to them!" A few men glared at me before getting out. I sighed. I knew I couldn't convince everyone but I was going to see if I can get Aveline to keep an eye on the Alienage for me. Once the ones that stayed agreed they wouldn't be getting into more trouble, I decided to go back to Hightown. I was tired and I was glad to come back.

I went down toward my mansion and opened the door. Fenris was in the main hall with his sword, his hair tied back. I needed to get someone to cut that. I watched him before he turned to me and smiled.

"Welcome home."

My stomach flipped again. Curse these feelings but...they didn't feel too bad at least. I smiled softly.

"I'm home."

9:33 Justinian 29th

"Who's a cute, adorable, little kitty? You are! That's right, you are!" Anders cooed. We were sitting in one of the readings room, the light streaming in through the windows, and Ser Pounce-a-lot on top of the table between us. I laughed as Ser Pounce-a-lot rubbed against him. "I can't believe you brought him back! You didn't just go and wander around Vigil's Keep during all of this time did you?"

"No I went to go and try to find my brother. It didn't work out. I did visit Vigil's Keep though. I got back through the docks in Amaranthine." I explained, patting Ser Pounce-a-lot's head.

"Here I thought Ser Pounce-a-lot would never return to me. I can't keep him in Darktown though. Refugees have been known to kill and eat cats." Anders pouted.

"He stays here with me then." I chuckled.

"How are you holding up?" Anders asked. I leaned against the tabe and laid my head in my arms.

"…He left me." I heard Anders stand up and patted my head. "I was hoping…it doesn't matter anymore. I'm alone." Ser Pounce-a-lot got off and headed out the room.

"You aren't alone Nia. You know I'll never abandon you. I will always be there for you." Anders consoled me.

"Heh, you promised that last time and you broke it." I mumbled. Besides he didn't understand why it hurt so much. No one did. Eren was the only one who knew about what I knew. He didn't know everything about the future but he knew enough and now he was gone. Even Fenris who I told that I saw a few things in my nightmares, doesn't know.

I can't rely on anyone anymore. I'm alone.

"I'm sorry." Anders sighed. I got up and rested my head on Anders' chest. I always grew calmer as long as I was around him. I didn't want the same thing to happen again between us.

"Swear…" I whispered.

"What?"

"Swear Anders. Swear to me that you won't ever leave me alone." I stared up at him, grabbing his robes. I wanted to cry but I already shed all the tears I could back on the ship with Fenris. Anders wrapped his arms around me and put his head on top of mine.

"I swear Nia, I won't ever leave you alone." Anders chuckled. We stayed like that for a minute. He rubbed circles on my back. I was able to relax as long as I was with Anders.

"What are you two doing?" Fenris growled from the doorway. I hugged Anders.

"He's comforting me." I stated. Fenris glared at us before going away.

"I don't feel like you are safe here." Anders let me go and scowled at the doorway.

"Anders shut up. I'm staying here. That won't change." I flicked him on the nose.

"What about him?" Anders glared. I rolled my eyes.

"You know you guys really have to stop being to antagonistic around each other. I would hate to separate you two if you guys start fighting." I crossed my arms.

"Pray that it won't come to that. I will try to stop by more often to see Ser Pounce-a-lot and make sure he has his food. Also, don't be afraid to come to my clinic if you need time away from here. My doors will always be open to you Nia." Anders smiled.

"I know. At least I have somewhere to go in case Fenris and I ever get into a fight. Not that we will. So far he's been very nice to me. It's actually kinda weird." I rubbed my face to try to hide my minor blush. I really hated that feeling in my stomach, stop flying you stupid butterflies!

"Fenris, nice? Are you sure you aren't hallucinating? You have been eating any Deep Mushrooms have you?" Anders laughed as he pinched both my cheeks. I swatted his hands away.

"No." I laughed. I sat back down again and leaned back. Anders sat down and looked pensive. "Sometimes I catch him looking at me and he seems...softer. There was always this wall between us even as we got closer as friends. Even though he told me that he trusted me and confided in me, he still hasn't told me a lot about himself. When we came back from meeting my brother, he comforted me and that wall seems to be gone. He's natural around me now I guess." I shrugged, trying my best to explain it.

"He comforted you? That is a little unbelievable." Anders scoffed.

"He did in his Fenris way." I chuckled. Then I remembered how I hugged him and quickly changed the subject. "So how's your clinic so far?"

"A few problems with the heat but nothing too bad although I have heard the hostility between the refugees and elves." Anders said. I groaned.

"Yeah, yeah I know. I tried to dissuade them but a few are still creating a few problems. I might need to track them down myself. The refugees might not like that but I'm not one for extreme measures, unless I get pissed off then I'll topple a city." I chuckled.

"Or an Archdemon." Anders snorted. We laughed at that. Anders eventually tracked down Ser Pounce-a-lot to get his kitty cuddles while I was left with a few of my thoughts in the reading room.

No one knows. I'm stuck with the knowledge of the future of which I'm already changing. Even so, I was hoping that Eren would be able to help me if that time would come but now...The burden has increased. Will I be able to carry it?

I'm not sure. I guess I say I know everything...but in reality I'm still scared.

9:33 Solace 6th

"I swear Isabella if you miss-!"

"I won't kitten, don't you trust me?" She purred with a knife in her hand.

"I-"

"Don't answer that." She giggled. I was at the Hanged Man playing cards with Hawke, Isabela, Sebastian, and Varric. I had a tankard full of beer on my head due to losing at cards for once. We didn't bet money but we bet situations. I had to be careful when Sebastian played cards. He had the same moves I had when shifting the cards. Probably from his old ways of debauchery.

"Are you sure this is wise?" Sebastian asked. Hawke took a long swig of her drink.

"Ah Sebastian just let it happen." Hawke laughed.

"Rivaini if you managed to hit that, you're cleaning my floor." Varric huffed, shuffling the cards.

"Are you expecting her to miss!?" I squeaked.

"Kitten calm down and take a deep breath. This will only take a second." Isabela squinted one eye and was aiming for the tankard. I need to remind myself not to play when Sebastian is in the game.

"Jesus Christ, I'd rather have Sebastian do it. At least he has good eyes." I mumbled. Then Isabela threw her knife and it missed me by a few inches.

"Hm, I don't normally miss." Isabela sauntered her way toward me and I pressed myself against the wall. She grabbed on the dagger that was embedded on the wall next to my head. I turned away but she breathed into my ear. My face grew hot as she stared at me, pulling out the dagger. "Why are you turning red kitten?"

"I swear it's like watching sex with clothes on with them." Hawke giggled.

"Hawke!" Sebastian said, his face in his hands. She laughed at him and I cleared my throat.

"Can you throw the knife and get this over with?" I grumbled. Isabela kissed my cheek. "Hey!"

"Stay still kitten, you don't want me to miss, do you?" Isabela laughed while going back to her spot. I had to remain stock still for the damn tankard not to fall.

"Do you not feel any remorse trying to make her fall into temptation?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh trust me she already fell right into it. She has this thing-" Isabela started.

"Isabela shut up and throw it!" I interrupted. Before my eyes could catch her, Isabela threw her knife. I heard resounding crack and I got covered in beer.

"Ha! Pay up Varric!" Hawke held out her hand. He grumbled, giving Hawke a few silvers while I sputtered from the alcohol dripping down from my hair. I wiped my eyes, making sure it didn't fall in them or else I'll be with red eyes all day. I saw Sebastian get up from his seat and walking toward me.

"Here." Sebastian said, lending me his handkerchief.

"Thanks." I wiped up the beer from my face and dabbed at my hair.

"What was Isabela talking about earlier about you falling into temptation?" Sebastian innocently asked. Or not so innocent, I could never tell with him.

"Oh boy." I rolled my eyes.

"Tell him of your dastardly deeds Nia." Hawke said, throwing a few coins in the air.

"I had sex with Isabela and a friend when I was drunk." I shrugged. Sebastian's face got super red. "I don't count it. I barely remember what happened."

"Oh I remember perfectly clear. See she has these birthmarks on her-"

"Isabela!"

9:33 Solace 8th

"I blame you for this you know?" I pouted.

"It is your fault for wearing sizes bigger than what you are." Fenris rolled his eyes. I had to buy a few more tunics because our practice fights would ruin many. I wore something of an undershirt then a tunic that was a little roomy because I like the baggy feel. Unfortunately this meant that his reach from his greatsword wouldn't touch me but would rip into my tunic. I didn't wear anything too snug. It wasn't like I didn't like it but I preferred comfort.

"Well at least I'll have a few extra clothes here and-" As I turned into an alleyway that would have taken us into Hightown, a small body bumped into me and they fell down. I noticed the brown hair and the familiar pair of pale eyes. She frowned while dusting herself off. I felt that shame creep up into me and I looked away.

"Is something the matter?" Fenris asked.

"Oh just...she was one of my students." I cleared my throat.

"Was." Arinda crossed her arms. Fenris looked uncomfortable. He knew about the attack in the Alienage even if I didn't tell him personally. He also saw how much I cried after everything.

"I haven't seen you at all. I was worried that-"

"That I was dead? No. I'm still very much alive." Arinda interrupted and glared at me. For a small child, her eyes where filled with hatred. I felt the guilt come up again.

"I'm sorry Arinda." I finally said sincerely.

"My aunt and uncle died because of what happened. They are never coming back." Arinda snapped. Fenris put his hand on my shoulder protectively.

"You may be a child but that does not mean you should use such harsh words against her." Fenris glared.

"The only thing I had for parents are fucking dead because of her wanting to help! Look at every time in history when elves and humans help each other! Someone always dies and it is almost always the elves!" Arinda pointed. I sighed. Fenris scowled.

"I am truly sorry Arinda. I never meant for anything of that to happen, I swear." I confessed. Arinda frowned but her eyes became calculating.

"How sorry are you?" She asked.

"If I could do anything to make it up to you then I will." I blurted out. A devious smirk played on her lips.

"Help me find the people that killed them and then I'll forgive you." Arinda stated.

"Are you mad? The Guard Captain already detained them all." Fenris crossed his arms. I shook my head.

"Not all of them. A few managed to get away. I've been trying to keep track of them but they're deep in Darktown right now." I sighed.

"Then find them!" Arinda shouted.

"You cannot force her to find the ones that killed your parents." Fenris snapped.

"If she wants my forgiveness, then she has to work for it!" Arinda stuck her tongue out. I watched with mild amusement as Fenris and Arinda glared at each other.

"All right. I'll find them." I agreed. "Let's go Fenris and we'll see if Lirene and the refugees found anymore-"

"I want to go!" Arinda interrupted me.

"No." Fenris declined.

"That isn't for you to decide spiky!" Arinda snapped. Fenris has a moment to absorb the name.

"Spiky...?" Fenris growled and I had to stop myself from laughing. I cleared my throat but Fenris glared since I still had that grin on my face from Arinda calling him that.

"You can come but you have to make sure not to get in trouble." I chuckled.

"Deal." Arinda nodded.

"You cannot be serious." Fenris grumbled, shaking his head.

"It might not nab me the forgiveness of the entire Alienage but one person is enough for me." I smiled. Fenris scoffed while I led both Arinda and Fenris towards Lirene's Imports. The fighting between the refugees and the city elves were minor ones but they happened nonetheless, even after I begged them not to. It was those extremists that took it seriously that caused the fire in the first place which has only moved on to cause more fights.

We entered Lirene's Imports. There were a few refugees in here. The only thing that the summer months really caused was dehydration and more infected cuts than anything else. Anders was always busy during these times. A few greeted me here and there. Arinda stayed close, scowling at any that looked her way. Fenris didn't care as he accompanied me here a few times already.

"Hello your highness. To what I owe this pleasure?" Lirene asked, putting away some clean linens.

"Lirene." I nodded. "I came to see if you found any more information about the ones that got away." I said cryptically. You never know who was listening in. Lirene nodded and we went into a semi-private bunker that was empty at the moment.

"I was wondering when you would come by again. We recently found a few that have gotten drunk in the Hanged Man that bragged about their so called 'achievements' on putting the knife-ears where they belong." Lirene whispered. Arinda huffed and crossed her arms. "It's just what I heard. It seems they spend a lot of time in Darktown over by the abandoned mines near the paths that the slavers take." I nodded and took out a few silvers for Lirene. We got out and Arinda growled out, the air growing hotter around her.

"I can't wait to fucking meet them." Arinda said through clenched teeth. I stopped.

"What are you planning on doing?" I crossed my arms.

"Why the fuck does it matter?" Arinda snapped.

"I need to know." I stood firm. Arinda scoffed before taking a deep breath and calming down. Fenris glared at me. He recognized magic anywhere.

"Simple. A life for a life." Arinda said harshly. She glared up at me, her nails digging into her palm to the point where a few drops of blood hit the ground. I gave her a look of disappointment.

"This is not what you should be doing." Fenris sighed.

"Pot calling the kettle black Mr. I'm going to kill my master when I see him for everything he's done to me?" I raised my eyebrow.

"That is different." Fenris argued. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. I'll take you to them. What do you afterward is up to you but I will tell you this:" I crouched down to get to her eye level. "A life is a great burden and when you kill with intent, that person's soul will weigh you down. Make sure that this is what you want to do." I ruffled her hair but she swatted my hand.

"What about the animals you kill and eat? The bugs you step on. Don't preach to me about the burden of killing when you only count humans, elves, and dwarves." Arinda went through the stairs to go into Darktown. I sighed and Fenris gave me a look.

"What?"

"Are you really letting a child walk into murder?" Fenris asked. I frowned.

"Let's make sure she doesn't hurt herself first." I mumbled.

"Nia." Fenris grabbed my arm.

"You trust me don't you?" I stared him down. Fenris sighed before letting go.

"Do not do anything you regret." He mumbled. I poked his face while he swatted my hand away. We followed Arinda to Darktown. There were shifty people around us and I made sure I was near Arinda at all times. She was a little girl on her way to vengeance. I grabbed her right before she walked into a few loose boards that were covering a man hole. Arinda grumbled a thank you while I took her wrist and led her the right way.

Fenris made sure to use his death glare and keep those who wanted to do us harm away. Arinda struggled against my grip before she came to terms that I wasn't going to let go. I found where Lirene told me and went into a hidden room near them. There were four of them, lounging around, making cat calls to every single woman that passed by, getting drunk off of the really cheap alcohol that was nothing more than literal poison.

"Hey did you hear about the fires?" One drawled out. They all laughed. Arinda's body grew warm again and she scratched at her arm to control herself. I flicked it and gave her a stare to stop it. She pouted away. They were all getting drunk and wasted.

"They are right in front of you." I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall.

"I know..." Arinda took a breath.

"What do you think will happen Fenris?" I asked nonchalantly.

"She will kill them with what little magic she knows, run rampant into the streets, and a Templar will force her into the Circle or kill her on site, screaming about abominations running amok." Fenris said sarcastically. Arinda gave him a death glare.

"No one asked you Spiky." Arinda grumbled. I swear I could see Fenris pop out an angry vein anime style.

"Well either that or someone could see an elf child killing more humans if she decides not to use magic. I mean, all they're doing is standing around, getting drunk, nearly pissing themselves at how wasted they are. Even a child could kill them." I shrugged my shoulders. Arinda clenched her fists.

"Be quiet." She whispered.

"I'm merely commentating on the things that might happen if you go through with it. Kill them with magic? Templars are going to come out and try to find you. Kill them yourself and have someone witness it? Well another elf killing another human. I already have problems trying to stop people from 'defending' me against the Alienage. You really think that people will take this event and not use it as an excuse to really tear down the Alienage?" I wondered. Arinda bit her lip. "Either way, kill them here or kill them later or not at all. It's your choice. I only brought you here." One of the men threw up and it had hints of blood in it. I saw Arinda deflate and the hot air around her dissipate.

"...We will never have peace. War, death, revenge. It will never be enough and it will never stop! We will always suffer." Arinda clenched her fist and her lips pulled back to show her teeth.

"They will get what's coming to them. I can tell you now, with the way they're drinking, they will probably be dead in two years in the worst pain imaginable." I assured Arinda.

"I want them to suffer..." Arinda whispered somberly. "Why did you bring me here when you know I wouldn't be able to do it? Were you mocking me? Showing me that I can never do anything for my family?" Arinda bit her lip. I sighed and patted her head. She actually didn't flinch or swat my hand away.

"To teach you a lesson. You kill them? Someone will see and then they will kill other elves. Then the elves will kill humans and so on and so forth. The cycle of hatred marches on. It's still going and it will keep going but you have the choice to break that cycle. Hate them all you'd like but are they really worth all those consequences?" I said as Arinda stared up at me. She shook her head. "You don't have to forgive them and I know you never will but you still have the choice to either be like them or rise above."

"...I think I want to go back." Arinda said softly. I gave her a small smile and nodded. We left the guys back in Darktown. Fenris gave me another discernible look. I didn't know what he could be thinking. We got back to Lowtown and Arinda stopped. She motioned me down to her and I crouched before she gave me a slap in the face.

"Ow!"

"I get it ok!? I shouldn't kill and I shouldn't even begin thinking on doing that but what do I do now!? Where do I go!?" Arinda clenched her fists and bit her lip. I rubbed my cheek while Fenris shook his head.

"You live and you move on. Make another life. Hard as it is for a child your age, you must learn to survive. There are many ways to rise. You can use that hatred you feel for them to make your life better." Fenris explained.

"And if you think you still can't do it, you can always count on me. I said I'll help you with anything as long as it will get you to forgive me." I chuckled. Arinda huffed.

"I already did...Thank you." Arinda said bashfully. I patted her head as I chuckled. Fenris smirked and shook his head. Arinda cocked her head to the side.

"Are you two lovers?" She asked. I gaped while Fenris snorted. I felt my face flush up to my ears.

"What!?"

"Where does she learn these things?" Fenris rolled his eyes.

"You two seem really close." Arinda said bluntly. I laughed.

"Look Fenris and I are just friends, nothing more ok?" The things that kids say.

"...That's what they all say."

* * *

 **Oh man so glad that this one was shorter than the last xD Many thanks to FearaNightmare for your help with Arinda and allowing me to use your character! 3**

 **Shout out to angelbeets for favoriting!**

 **Ariel:** _Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, usually comes when you're in intensive traumatic events which causes anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and other mental ailments. It's not pretty and you don't have to be in combat to even acquire it._  
 **PinkStalker23:** _Morrigan can be very loving I believe and Eren was wrong in pushing everyone away. I am actually slightly proud that I was able to make you hate him weirdly enough but humans aren't perfect. I think Eren is a perfect example of a person being pushed too far and thinking that he doesn't have a way out._

 **Thank you Chimera Spyke, WardenMahariel, Taffy and Sweetrolls, Mizuki00, OnkelJo, and angelbeets for reviewing! Please Review!**


	30. The Missing Pages part 8

9:33 Solace 11th

"Get off." Fenris stared at Ser Pounce-a-lot that seemed to fancy his bed better than my own. Ser Pounce-a-lot slowly closed his eyes and rested his head on the bed, letting out a small meow. "This is not the place for you cat."

"Leave Ser Pounce-a-lot alone. He likes you." I said, resting near the table with a book in my hands.

"I do not like it." Fenris pouted.

"It's a male cat, you should call HIM by his name." I emphasized.

"I should throw HIM off." Fenris huffed.

"Go ahead but don't blame me if he claws you." I shrugged.

"Why did you even bring this animal with you?" Fenris asked.

"Because I love cats and to make Anders happy. This was his cat originally before he left Amaranthine. Ser Pounce-a-lot found me after he got out of the Deep Roads. Poor kitty, he was so weak when I found him again. I owe a lot to Ser Pounce-a-lot." I flipped another page.

"How can you owe a cat?" Fenris asked, sitting in the other chair.

"He was the only one that kept me from throwing myself in the Waking Sea after Anders left." I said somberly. Fenris stared at me before staring at the fireplace.

"Did you care for him that much?" He asked softly.

"It was…complicated." I sighed. "I just lost a lot of people after the attack so I wasn't in a good place, mentally. Anders leaving was…the last straw that broke the horse's back. Ser Pounce-a-lot…was there for me. When everyone else kept on telling me it wasn't my fault, or when they were pitying me, Ser Pounce-a-lot cuddled next to me without a care in the world." I said, looking at his sleeping figure. "It's amazing what a pet's love can do for you because that's what cats do, they choose you. He chose me after Anders left."

"I still do not understand." Fenris shook his head.

"That's fine too." I chuckled. I put my book down and I crouched near his bed to see Ser Pounce-a-lot's sleeping face. His pink little nose, orange and white coat, the slow rise of his chest. I loved cats. I put my hand on his belly and he gave out a low purr and stretched. The warmth that came from loving a pet put a smile on my face. "I used to have a cat back home. His name was Luis Miguel." Fenris snorted.

"What sort of name is that?" He chuckled.

"Don't give me that look. My mom named him. He was a gift from my Aunt when I was twelve. He came with Bon Bon, his brother. Bon Bon eventually never came back but…Luis Miguel stayed and he chose me. He stayed eleven years with me. He was such a good cat. I know I'll never find one like him again. I wanted a cat eventually but never found time. Then I had the kids and…that never came. Ser Pounce-a-lot is here though and that matters. Right kitty?" I said softly, petting him. I got up and held my hand in front of Fenris. "Come on, you two need to be friends."

"You are not serious." Fenris gave me a deadpanned look.

"I am, give me your hand." Fenris continued with his look. I sighed and rolled my eyes, taking his wrist and bringing him over to Ser Pounce-a-lot. I put his hand on his coat. I motioned him to start. He shook his head and petted Ser Pounce-a-lot. I heard him purr and Fenris gave me a look of surprise. "Cats are simple. Give them food, a place to sleep and rest, and pet their heads and they'll be fine."

"Well, that explains a few things." Fenris said.

"What?" I wondered.

"You are like a cat as well." Fenris smirked. I gaped at him slightly, an enormous wave of emotion rolling into me. I stepped away from him. "Nia?"

"I need some time alone." I hurried into my room and closed the door. Tears prickled in my eyes. That reminded me too much of my husband. Kitty, that was what he always called me. Always like a cat he said. Worse, it was Fenris that said it. Guilt, homesickness, loneliness, and more came out of me.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my kids. I wanted to see my husband yet at the same time, I knew I couldn't leave. There were things I wanted to do, people I wanted to help. I can't go yet. I couldn't.

I hate myself.

9:33 August 7th

Another year that I've been here. It's been...a full six years now.

I held the future in my hands. I could do good. I am doing good, right?

"Anders…is there something wrong with me?" I was in Darktown late at night. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to see Fenris. I didn't want my heart to wrench in pain every single time I took a look at his face. I had my head in my arms, resting on one of his tables.

"Does it hurt anywhere? Is it your stomach?" Anders fussed.

"No…it's more of an emotional pain than anything. Today marks the anniversary of when I first came to Thedas. Six years Anders that I've been away from home." Anders said and sat next to me. "The more I stay here…the more I wonder if I'll get home. Six years Anders…" I whispered, burying my face in my arms. His hand patted my head. "My kids are growing without me Anders…they won't even remember anything about me because I left them when they were so young! What kind of mother am I to leave my children like that!?" I pounded at the table. I clenched my teeth.

"It wasn't your choice. Halo wanted to save you." Anders comforted. I stood up suddenly.

"Then why did he have to bring me here!? Why couldn't he just heal me then and there!? But no! He had to drag me here by force! And now I'm stuck here for who knows how many goddamn years!" I punched at the table again and my knuckles bled. "I'm missing them! Who will teach them math!? Who will teach them that their scraps will only hurt for a second!? Who will hold them at night when they have nightmares!?" I blubbered on, my tears freely flowing. "They won't even remember me…they were so young…" I sobbed in my hands.

"Nia…" Anders touched my shoulder lightly.

"Don't touch me!" I slapped it away. "I hate myself Anders! I hate that I'm here! I hate that…that…!" That I chose this road. That I wanted to change the future. This was my own choice and I was paying the consequences. I wanted to go home but what about all the people that I could help? All the good I could do? But what if that was just a selfish thought? Did I really need to be here? Was I needed? What was wrong with me?

"I should have never come here! I should have stayed in Amaranthine…I should have just waited! But my damn pride wouldn't allow it! No, I fucking chose to come here because of my stupid, selfish, reasoning!" Anders grabbed me roughly and held me. "No! Let me go! Let go!" I pushed and I shoved. "Let go…" I whimpered.

"Shhh…" Anders held me close. I sobbed in his chest. It was getting harder and harder to wait.

"I want to go home Anders! I want to go home! Why can't I go home…?" I whimpered.

"I don't know…but I will always be here no matter what." Anders settled his head on top of mine.

"Liar…you left me before too. So what's stopping you now…?" I snapped. He held me tighter.

"When I did leave…it was the hardest decision that I had to make…and I've regretted it ever since. If I knew it would cause you so much pain, I never would have done it. If you can't go home…then I'll make one with you…that way no matter if either of us leaves, we have somewhere to return to. I won't ever leave you again Nia. I swear it on my life." He explained.

"…I'm a wreck." I sniffed. His robes smelled like Elfroot, spindleweed, and earth. His clinic never smelled like the rot outside. This place wasn't like the mansion that was so big you could hear your steps echo. The mansion that had constant dust everywhere because no one ever went through all the rooms besides me. The mansion that was always breezy and cold. It was warm here.

"True but you're my wreck." Anders chuckled.

"…Stupid." I laughed.

"Only for you Nia." He chuckled and I heard it with my head in his chest. "You surprise me Nia. There are times where you are so mature and then there are times like this where you resemble a child." He rubbed circles on my back. It was so comforting.

"Well you can't blame me…" I rubbed against his robes.

"No…I really can't. Believe me though when I say I will always be there. It won't be like last time." He grabbed my shoulders and tipped my chin so I could look at him. "I swear it Nia. I will never leave you." I bit my lip. He sighed. I grabbed his face and made him face me.

"You are really sure then? You won't ever leave? No matter what happens?" I furrowed my brow. I must have looked desperate. His face softened.

"No matter what Nia." He grabbed my hands and knelt down. "My life is yours princess." I chuckled and my face flushed in embarrassment.

"What are you my champion or something?" I giggled.

"If that is what you will princess." He kissed my hand.

"Anders you know I don't like being called that." I chuckled taking my hands away but Anders got up and did a bow.

"Oh would you like honey with your tea princess?" Anders teased.

"Anders!" I giggled.

"Or a warm bath before you sleep princess? A story about valiant knights princess?" Anders said twirling me into him. I lightly slapped him.

"You are a fool." I giggled, my face flushing.

"Slightly." He said, kissing the top of my head. "Do you feel better?" I smiled and nodded.

"I'm tired though." I rubbed my eyes. They are going to be swollen tomorrow.

"It would be cramped in my bed." Anders mentioned. I laughed.

"I could always sneak up and go through Hawke's cellar to go back home." I said, yawning.

"No, stay. It wouldn't be the first time we slept together." Anders smirked.

"Fully clothed Anders? What will they say about us?" I said in mock horror.

"Let them talk." Anders said. I busted out laughing at his serious face.

9:33 Kingsway 5th

I was reading a book of short horror stories in Fenris room. I was hooked on it. The way they didn't know that the abomination was slowly creeping onto the group from the ceiling, silently, ready, and-

"Nia." Fenris said suddenly.

"Wah!" I got so startled from Fenris that my chair tipped back. I groaned as my head hit the floor. "Ow…" Fenris chuckled. He helped me up and rubbed the spot I hit.

"Interesting book?" Fenris smirked.

"It was a horror one. I get scared but I can't help but like them." I shrugged, picking it up. "Still they get a few things wrong about the demons and the undead. It's fiction. How did it go with Isabela's lead?"

"All we found was an old boot and bad poetry." Fenris said, sitting down on his chair. I laughed and put my chair upright. I noticed his hand was scratched up. I grabbed his wrist and flipped it to show his palm.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Rough cliff face." Fenris shrugged. I took his other wrist and noticed that his other hand was the same.

"I should have some Elfroot growing in the kitchen." I mumbled.

"You do not need to trouble yourself. They are only scratches." Fenris took his hands back.

"Only scratches can get infected." I said, flicking his nose. I went downstairs. The herb garden flourished inside near the window. I picked a few leaves and grounded them with some water. The dry Elfroot works better but fresh is good as well. I got it ready and went upstairs. Fenris was looking over the book I was reading. "Here, give me your hands." Fenris showed me his palms and I put some of the Elfroot salve that I made on it.

"It tingles." Fenris stated.

"That means it's working. Here, let me take off your bracers and check for more." I offered.

"You do not-"

"Just let me." I unbuckled his bracers. I washed off the Elfroot and the scratches on his palms were gone. I checked over his wrists and hands. His fingers were long, slightly bony, and heavily calloused. His hand was bigger than mine. It felt odd to touch them especially with the lyrium tattoos. The light shocks hurt but they hurt less and less the more I touched them.

Lyrium had a weird effect on me. They make the power come out in a rush. The lyrium amount in his tattoos was small. It wasn't enough to draw out the power but it felt prickly in my chest whenever they shocked me. "It looks like you're fine. You still need to be more careful though. A small cut can get worse over time if you're not careful." I explained.

"Your hands are smaller than my own." Fenris said, his fingers running through my own.

"Well I am a woman. I don't have bear hands." I chuckled.

"Don't women usually take care of their hands?" Fenris said, looking over my fingers.

"Not all of them." I laughed. "Besides, I like these hands. They might be rough with plenty of scars but they're still long and pretty." I said. I saw my ring glint due to the fire in the fire place. I felt that rising guilt. I took my hands and book and sat in my chair again, trying to find where I left off. "There are times when I wonder how my hands would look like if I haven't worked so hard, how soft they might be if I actually used oils for them. I like these ones though. These ones can protect the people I care about."

"And who are they?" Fenris asked, putting on his braces and everything again.

"Well, all my friends including you. Everyone back in Ferelden as well." I smiled.

"You are my friend." Fenris stated. I looked over and he stared at me with those eyes. I nodded and smiled.

"Yep. We're friends." I chuckled. Fenris looked away.

"What about Anders?" He asked.

"Anders? He's a friend as well." I shrugged. Fenris rubbed his face. "Oh no, don't tell me that you think we're together or something?"

"From last month-"

"Like I explained to you before, he was comforting me from what happened in Ferelden. There's nothing between us. I'm married remember?" I interrupted. More and more those words sounded like excuses instead of what I really felt. He looked away and his hair shielded his eyes.

"…Yes I do."

9:33 Kingsway 19th

"Snow! Look Varric Snow!" I cried out, giggling.

"I can feel it Knives." Varric grumbled.

"Can we make snow bunnies!?" Merrill asked, jumping around.

"Yeah!" I grabbed Merrill and we ran around in the snow out in Hawke's courtyard. Hawke and Varric were watching us from the door. We crouched down and gathered snow around us. We did small mounds here and there.

"What are we going to use for their mouths and ears? I don't see any leaves." I said.

"We can go and try to find them!" Merrill giggled.

"Or you can just do this!" Hawke said, throwing a snowball right at my face.

"Wah!" I sputtered. Varric laughed. "Oh you're going to pay for that!"

"Wait I don't know how to make a ball out of snow!?" Merrill announced.

"Like this Merrill, incoming!" Hawke laughed, making snow balls with magic.

"Wah!" I got hit by a few.

"Hah!" Hawke did a victory pump.

"Varric be my shield!" I said, running over to him and hiding behind him.

"Knives you better not get my coat wet!" Varric laughed.

"I'm aiming for the chest hair!" Hawke said, tossing a few snowballs and Merrill was still trying to make her first one.

"Hawke!" Varric shouted as we both evaded her snowballs. "All right, this is war! The person who calls quits has to buy drinks later!"

"You're on dwarf!" Her hands shown and she made small little snowballs right in front of us.

"Hey that's cheating!" I shouted, hiding behind one of her trees.

"You have to use what's on hand right!?" She said, throwing a few. I did a few snowballs as I ran around, tossing them to Varric. He got her successfully on her face a few times.

"Hawke how do you do that!?" Merrill asked. I got Merrill. "Ooh that's cold!"

"Curse you Nia! I will remember you name through the throws of history!" Hawke exaggerated. I gathered more snow and did a victory pose.

"Muahaha!" I laughed.

"CHILDREN!" Leandra shouted and we stopped right dead in our tracks. She looked at all of us with that stern face. She cleared her throat. "The snow is coming down harder now, please go inside and dry off to have some warm tea." She gave us that dangerous smile that meant 'Do this or I will kill you.' We all shuffled in there. Hawke and I shared a look and busted out laughing.

"Come on Merrill, Nia, I'll give you some spare clothes." Hawke laughed as she led us to her room.

"Varric is amazing. He didn't even get wet!" Merrill giggled.

"It was my magnificent chest hair that protected me Daisy." Varric chuckled.

"Uh huh sure Varric." I chuckled. We went upstairs to Hawke's room and shuffled through a few of her things before she settled on a few items for us. I took off my upper tunic that was mostly went and got a larger shirt on. I switched out my leggings but the pants were tight and long on me.

"You are so short Nia." Hawke shook her head.

"Yes, yes, I know." I rolled my eyes.

"She must be an elf in disguise." Hawke whispered loudly to Merrill.

"Should we look for the ears?" Merrill joked.

"Come here Nia!" Hawke said, grabbing me from behind.

"Wah!"

9:33 Harvestmere 2nd

"Ugh…" My nose was clogged up and I had a fever as I lied in bed with Anders checking my temperature.

"The cold really hit you hard this year didn't it?" Anders smirked.

"I feel like my eyes are about to pop out of my skull and my head is killing me." I whined and whimpered. I hated getting sick.

"It's the sinus pressure. Drink warm mint tea, that should clear it away." Anders recommended.

"Anders I'm dying." I whined.

"Mhm." He nodded.

"I'll leave you the mansion in my will." I rolled over and pretended to die.

"I don't think Fenris would like that all that much." Anders chuckled.

"Fenris doesn't like a lot of things." Isabela said from my doorway, winking at us.

"Oh no. You out!" I said, getting up before Anders pushed me back down in the bed.

"Nia, you need your rest." He pushed.

"It seems like she needs some intimate healing." She purred, slinking her way toward me.

"Not now Isabela. She really does need her rest. I'll make sure that Fenris makes you that tea. I know why you're here though." Anders glared. Isabela shrugged.

"That's the whole point of magic, isn't it?" She reasoned.

"Oh God, I really don't need to know any of this." I said, snuggling into my bed some more.

"Get some rest Nia." Anders said, kissing the top of my head. "Now, go back to my clinic. I'll be able to do the rest there." Anders said, going out of my room and closing my door. I got comfortable and dozed off. I woke up to a very minty smell in my room. I rolled over and I saw Fenris flipping through a few of my pages.

"Hey!" I shouted. Fenris quickly turned around as I got out of bed and shut my journal quickly. "That is private."

"It was open and I merely glanced-" He started.

"There are a lot of things you can do Fenris but touching and/or reading my journals is one of my biggest pet peeves. You do not touch this. Do I make myself clear?" I interrupted my anger clear in my voice.

"That only makes me more curious." Fenris smirked. I glared at him and, even with my fever and sinus pressure, I stood straight up to make my posture more threatening.

"Do. Not. Touch. It." I growled.

"You are too protective of your secrets." Fenris said, glaring at me back. Well when your secrets have to deal with the upcoming future, of course I would protect them!

"And I have good reason to." I sighed. "Look this…is very important to me. Please don't touch it." I explained. Fenris ran his hair through his head and sighed.

"Of course. Now you need to rest." Fenris said, pushing me back to bed. He grabbed the tea that he left on my desk and gave it to me. I drank it and made a disgusted face. "Drink it."

"I dislike you Fenris." I stuck my tongue at him.

"You have not said that in a while." He chuckled.

"Yeah well this warrants it. This is disgusting. I hate tea…" I whined. He took off his gloves and put his hand on my forehead.

"You are still warm. Are you sure you need to wear all these clothes and have these blankets?" Fenris looked at my bed.

"I need to sweat it out. I should probably have at least a pitcher of water near me." I said.

"I will get it. Drink your tea." Fenris said, getting up.

"Fenris." I bit my lip. He stopped at the doorway. "I'm…I'm sorry for getting mad. I-"

"No. I should apologize. You are right. I invaded your privacy and I should respect that. You respect my own space." Fenris said, going out. I drank the rest of the god awful tea and lied back down. He came in with a pitcher of water and an empty cup. "Should you need anything, you can call me."

"Thank you." I smiled.

"Of course." Fenris reached his hand out but stopped. He looked hesitant before he walked out. I tried getting to sleep but the pressure was killing me all night long. Whenever I dozed off successfully I had a few nightmares. I got up and drank water a few times and groaned in my bed.

In a fever reduced haze I felt someone running their hand through my hair. I remembered my mother, how she sat in my bed whenever I was sick and do the same thing. The memory called a few tears. The hand hesitated before continuing again.

"Mamí…?" Their hand moved to my forehead and I felt a cool rag settle on it. This time I really did sleep without any nightmares. Instead that same fade dream came back. I was more aware of the tree with pink petals that stood out from everything else.

When I opened my eyes my sinus pressure was gone and my fever was reduced. I felt sticky from sweat and the rag on my forehead slid off. I smiled softly. I don't know who was it but it was nice. It was like my own mother was here.

9:33 Haring 13th

I'm twenty nine years old. My son would have turned nine and today my daughter would have turned eight. My husband would have turned thirty six.

It's been six years since I've come to the Dragon Age world…

Many events have happened over the years. I never expected to stay here for so long. I don't even know when I'm going home…or even if I'm going home.

My hope is dwindling with each passing year. Halo promised me that I'll be able to go home but he doesn't speak to me anymore. I know I go into the fade but I don't walk there anymore. It's all muffled whenever I do remember.

The New Year is coming. 9:34 Dragon. That's when the next series of events are going to happen. This time I'll be there.

Hopefully I'll be able to change this world for the better.

9:34 Wintermarch 5th

"I apologize again for not being able to make it to your party." Sebastian said as he helped me in the soup kitchen in Lirene's Imports.

"It's been two months Sebastian its ok." I chuckled, handing an extra portion to a woman with kids.

"I do have a gift for you, if you would accompany after this." Sebastian said.

"Sure!" I nodded.

"I am still so surprised you have done all of this with your own power." Sebastian said.

"Did what?" I wondered.

"Feeding the hungry by gathering the food that was about to go bad to prevent waste. To be able to gather items so they would not go cold as well. These refugees see you as a bright light." Sebastian said with that smile that made girls weak at the knees.

"I have a lot of time on my hands. I can't just spend all that at home." I'd rather not stay there for extended periods of time either. Knowing my feelings for Fenris, the more I stay away, the better. That way I could avoid unwanted situations. "Not only that…"

"All right you two. This should be enough for today. Thank you again for your donations your highness." Lirene said.

"No problem." I nodded toward her.

"Come." Sebastian said and I followed him out. The ground has snow all around. We got hit by a blizzard earlier in the week. My breath came out in wisps and I loved it.

"Ah doesn't the cold feel so refreshing!? That sting on your cheeks, the brightness of the snow, the redness of your cheeks!?" I giggled.

"You love winter?" Sebastian chuckled.

"It's my favorite season. I was born in it and, where I came from, it only got cold during the winter months. I loved it when it rarely snowed. We were stuck in a valley and I was in the dead center. I didn't get much snow but, when I did, it was awesome!" I shouted with glee.

"I enjoy your personality Nia. You always know when to appreciate the small joys of life." Sebastian chuckled.

"Well if I don't do it now, when will I get the opportunity again?" I hummed.

"That is true." Sebastian nodded. We had a comfortable silence as we both walked toward Hightown. I got jittery when I realized we got closer to the Chantry.

"I have realized that you are uncomfortable every time we near the Chantry. May I ask why?" Sebastian asked as we were in front of the Chanter's board. I bit my lip and looked up the stairs.

"Is it weird to say that I feel like Andraste might smite me as soon as I walked through the doors?" I confessed.

"Andraste is all accepting of everyone. You need not fear her." Sebastian laughed.

"I still…well…" I fidgeted with my bracers.

"I understand. You may wait here while I go and gather your gift." Sebastian nodded.

"Thank you Sebastian." I sighed in relief.

"Of course Nia." Sebastian went up the stairs. I leaned on the wall of the Chanter's board. The Chanter, next to me, was saying a few passages. I took a breath and let it out. I saw Sebastian come down the steps with something behind his back. He had a playful smile on his face.

"If you're going to scare me, then you ruined your entrance." I smirked. He chuckled.

"No, I would not do that to you. Here." It was something wrapped up in a rag. I took it off and it was a statue of Andraste but resembling the ones in Ferelden. "You have mentioned the warrior statues here have made you feel uncomfortable. I had hoped that this would make you feel less so."

"Thank you. This actually means a lot. I might not believe but this statue was everywhere back in Ferelden and it reminds me of my friends." I chuckled softly.

"Then it gladdens my heart that you have enjoyed my gift." Sebastian smiled. I gave him a quick hug and a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thank you!" I giggled. His face grew as red as his face and he cleared his throat.

"O-Of course."

* * *

 **This chapter marks the one year anniversary of my story. There have been ups and downs, tosses and turns, and many times of which I have enjoyed. And I really couldn't have done it all without everyone that has supported me. The ones who put this in their favorites, the followers, the reviewers, the silent readers, every single one of you are special to me.**

 **I always had this idea in my head but could never figure out how to start it. There are so many SI stories and they all intimidated me. What if mine couldn't be as good as them? But I decided on two things that I haven't seen in SI stories, one: start before the Blight, two: No romance. Of course that was only for the first story. And then DAI came out and I knew I had to continue.**

 **I never thought I would make it this far and thank you all for staying. We haven't even gotten halfway through DA2! :D**

 **Special mention to Taffy and Sweetrolls, Buggy300, KrystylSky, Chimera Spyke, Dforce76, Shattered Soul 2021, FearaNightmare, White Story, and OnkelJo and all my reviewers! You make me happy and put a smile on my face :)**

 **Ok, enough with the long AN. Double update for such an occasion! I will update tomorrow too so I will answer reviews on that one since this AN has gotten too long xD**


	31. Act 2 Start

Varric saw another guard come in to talk to Cassandra. He sighed. This was going to take a while if people kept on interrupting. Varric turned a few pages and found a memory that he was particularly fond of.

He chuckled at it.

-/-

9:33 Firstfall 19th

"Alright, everyone stay here while I get you know who!" Hawke giggled. They were gathered around in the dining hall, food plates covered the table. Fenris and Isabela were already sampling some of the wine that was presented to them. Anders had his cup in front of him. Merrill and Carver talking to each other in low whispers. Merrill couldn't have anything alcoholic though now that there's a baby growing inside her.

"Do you have any good stories about Ferelden?" Aveline wondered, pouring herself another cup.

"What can I say? Between the escape attempts and the few times that I managed to find myself in Denerim, there isn't anything good that I can talk about." Anders explained.

"Oh but you must have liked something. There were the mabaris!" Merrill said.

"It was cold and rainy for most of the year where I lived at." Carver said, leaning in his chair.

"The Pearl was extravagant though. A very good business." Isabela purred next to Fenris but he leaned away.

"True. There was one girl I favored there. Best few days in my life before I got captured again." Anders chuckled.

"Can we please stop with the sex stories? We're all adults here and we don't need to talk about that all the time." Aveline scoffed.

"You are just wound up in your armor Captain." Isabela smirked.

"Shut up whore." Aveline snapped.

"Seriously Blondie, past the sex and everything, nothing good every happened to you in Ferelden?" Varric wondered. Anders smiled and stared at his cup.

"Well…there was one good thing." Anders chuckled softly. Isabela clicked her tongue.

"The kitten right?" She hummed.

"Ser Pounce-a-lot is amazing! I love his whiskers and his coat is so fluffy!" Merrill giggled.

"I don't think that's what Isabela meant Merrill." Carver laughed. Merrill gave an innocent look.

"Hm?" Isabela chuckled. Fenris huffed.

"She means Nia." Fenris said.

"Oh right!" Merrill clapped.

"You need to go up and confess to her." Carver said.

"Of course not. I respect her too much to do that. Besides, she doesn't need a man like me around. It would be best if she forgot me entirely but as caring as she is, she won't let go." Anders sighed. Varric laughed.

"So you finally admit that you have a thing for her?" Varric raised his eyebrow.

"I think everyone knew Varric." Isabela purred.

"I have never denied my feelings but I won't act. She deserves to go home or at least someone that will be there for her, not an apostate constantly looking over his back." Anders murmured.

"At least we agree on something." Fenris mumbled.

"Hawke it's kinda disorienting…"Nia whined. They heard through the door.

"Shut up and follow the sound of my beautiful voice!" Hawke laughed.

"Fine, fine." Nia sighed. Hawke opened the door with Leandra right behind Nia who, for once, wasn't wearing her armor.

"Ok, open your eyes." Leandra said and Nia did.

"Surprise!" Everyone said. Nia gaped for a few seconds before she grew extremely red.

"Wha…wha?" She stuttered.

"It's your name-day! What? You didn't forget did you?" Hawke laughed.

"You did this all…for me?" Nia wondered.

"It was my mother's idea actually." Hawke said, rubbing her head sheepishly.

"You have done so much for my family, feed us, gave us the clothes off your back. It's the least I can do for your continued kindness." Leandra said, patting the top of Nia's head. She had tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry this is supposed to be happy!" Merrill said. Nia laughed.

"It's not…I have…this is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. Thank you!" She said bashfully.

"Then sit down and drink." Aveline said, pulling up a chair for her. "Everything is for you my lady." Aveline teased. Nia laughed. They all sat down to eat. Nia making sure that Anders and Merrill had enough on their plates. Dear Maker that girl won't stop mothering those two.

"Hey that was my piece Carver!" Hawke whined.

"You're too slow Eva!" Carver stuck his tongue out.

"Blondie try some of this!" Varric offered.

"Isabela doesn't touch me right there!" Nia squeaked as Isabela's hand disappeared under the table.

"You're the party girl, you deserve a small treat." Isabela purred into Nia's ear, her face getting redder.

"This is extremely chaotic…feels nice for a change." Aveline said. Fenris huffed. Varric noticed Fenris staring at Nia with Isabela nearly on her lap.

The food was delicious and gone by the time they got to the gifts.

"Come on guys I mean, the party was awesome but gifts? This is too much." Nia giggled.

"You have done your part in helping all of us one way or another. We're just simply settling the debt." Hawke said nonchalantly. Nia giggled, sitting in between Anders and Fenris who wouldn't hide their glares from each other.

"Me first!" Merrill said getting up and giving Nia her gift.

"A handkerchief…with a griffon?" Nia wondered.

"I've always like them and since you're a Grey Warden, I thought you might like it. If I had one, I'd name it Feathers." Merrill giggled.

"Thanks." Nia giggled.

"This one is mine." Isabela said, giving her a long box. Nia opened it but quickly closed it, her face red.

"Isabela! You don't…how in the hell did you even get this!?" She squeaked. Isabela laughed.

"I had it made for you of course." Isabela winked.

"What is it?" Merrill wondered.

"Kindling that's what it's going to be used for." Nia snapped.

"Oh you break my heart kitten." Isabela faked grief.

"I'd break more for this." Nia mumbled.

"Here." Carver said, giving her a small box.

"Ooh a whetstone, a nice one as well. Good, mine was getting old anyway." Nia thanked.

"This is mine as well." Aveline smirked. Nia opened the liquor box.

"Rum…ah…" Nia glared at Aveline and she laughed. "I'll remember this Guard Captain."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hawke wondered.

"Nothing." Nia said quickly.

"Here. This is from mother." Hawke said. Nia uncovered the box. She had a forced smile when she took out the cloth.

"A…dress?" Nia wondered.

"She said she wants you to wear it the next time she gives you formal training." Hawke laughed.

"And the training she's giving me now is not enough!?" Nia whined.

"Nope! Oh my gift is on the bottom." Hawke pointed it out. It was a knife that had a detailed design.

"Wow, thanks!" Nia giggled.

"Here." Anders said.

"Whoa! Is this…obsidian! From the rock itself!" Nia squealed. "Look at that shine! The color!" Anders chuckled as Nia hugged him tight.

"I thought you might like it." Anders said, giving Fenris a winning smirk.

"You truly are simple Knives." Varric shook his head.

"Can't help it that's the way I-" Fenris gave her a book and put it in front of her. Nia squealed louder.

"I can't believe it! Where did you get this!?" Nia gasped.

"I had my ways." Fenris smirked and Nia hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Varric's noticed the small blush on his face.

"What is it?" Hawke wondered.

"The book of Brother Genetivi's travels, complete with artwork! You don't find these anywhere!" Nia said giggling and jumping up and down. Everyone laughed at her antics. A far cry from what she was when she first came.

"Now, now settle down. This one is my gift." Varric said, giving her another book. Nia look at Varric with an incredulous expression.

"This…you…you got it printed…OH. MY. GOD!" Nia cheered and twirled around. "Do you see this!?" Hawke said putting her book in front of Aveline's face.

"A Staff of Fire?" She read the title.

"It's my book! My first ever book!" Nia squealed and jumped on Varric, kissing him various times on the cheek and forehead. "I love you Varric! This is the best gift ever!" Everyone groaned. Nia looked around in confusion.

"I win the pool!" Varric laughed. Nia giggled, without a care in the world.

"Yay! Yay! First book! First book!" Nia jumped up and down. Isabela twirled her around in a dance and for once Nia accepted it.

Varric won't deny that Nia looked better with a smile on her face than with a frown.

-/-

"She never knew where she went?" Cassandra asked after finishing her talk with the guard.

"If she did, she never told me." Varric shrugged.

"Another lead dead." She scoffed.

"You can't blame that on me Seeker." He winked. She wasn't amused.

"What happened during these years for the Champion?" Cassandra leaned in her seat. Varric rubbed his fingers nonchalantly.

"Well…The Champion moved up in life, literally. They were able to get their family name back and, with the money she got from the Deep Roads treasure, she bought a mansion all up in Hightown. With her name now in prestige, the Templars couldn't touch her or her family. Things were settling in well for her but the city became rife with tension. The Qunari haven't left and their story that they were waiting for a ship seemed more like a lie the more time went on. The Qunari were there for a reason. Then the Viscount called for Hawke and Knives to deal with the problem…" Varric started again.

-/-

9:34 Drakonis 5th

I stretched as I headed over to Viscount Keep. I started to feel the years on me. The person who said that 30 were the new 20s didn't know what they were talking about. My bones creaked every time I got out bed and I really had to make sure to do a few stretches before I knew I was going to get into a battle. Such is life when you're going to turn thirty. I had my days packed trying to help the refugees that accepted me, in between helping Anders, and doing miscellaneous things for Aveline.

Then there was today. The fact that the Viscount sent for me was odd. I tried not to make my exploits known. He knew that I was the princess which was why I had a few liberties. Not too many though but I had least had less guards patrolling around the mansion. He should be thanking me since I improved the relations between the city and the Dalish. Nehnlen was growing up so fast. He was curious about everything just like Solan from what Velanna told me.

All in all I settled into a very fine routine that I was comfortable with.

A routine that was broken by this call by the Viscount. When I reached the door toward the Viscount Keep, I recognized Hawke right behind me.

"Nia?" Hawke wondered.

"Hawke?" I raised my eyebrow.

"A summons from the Viscount?" Hawke stated.

"Yeah, you too?" I asked, opening the door for both of us.

"I wonder what the Viscount wants with both of us." Hawke chuckled. I had a gut feeling about it. We went up the stairs over to Viscount Dumar's office.

"They are afraid that the Qunari influenced can no longer be…contained." Seneschal Bran said as we both came in.

"We never meant to contain them but keep them away from the city as much as we could. There are already troubling tensions between the Templars and Mages but the Qunari…They stand like golems, waiting for Maker knows what, while the city is falling into chaos around them. It has been nearly four years that I have stood between fanatics and now this." Viscount Dumar's voice sounded so exhausted. I did not envy him or his position.

"Please continue. We just love to be hearing about things that we don't understand." Hawke said. Viscount Dumar looked at Seneschal Bran.

"Leave us." Dumar ordered. Seneschal Bran bowed and left the room. The Viscount went over to the window that overlooked the city.

"Knight Commander Meredith is at my throat, First Enchanter Orsino clawing at my heels, and my whole city scared of heretical giants. The status quo has held only because the Qunari asked for nothing. Even the space in the docks was a gift to contain them. Now the Arishok requested both of you. By name. What did you two do?" Dumar asked. Hawke and I shared a look.

"Both of us tend to leave the most greatest of impressions." Hawke shrugged.

"Apparently so. I remember how you rescued my son Hawke as well as your experiences dealing with the Blight your highness. Both of you seem to have influences above your stations. Either one of you, I don't care which, speak to the Arishok. Give him what he needs to keep the peace. Can you do that Serah Hawke, Your Highness?" Dumar pleaded.

"Well for the right price-"

"We'll do it to assist you Viscount." I butted in. Hawke frowned at me.

"I'm amazed your character stands true your Highness. Appease the Arishok anyway you can along with his demands and let him return to dormancy. It's better than the alternative…Maker…" Viscount Dumar shook his head and held it. Hawke and I went out.

"The Arishok called both of us by name? Seems to me another batch of problems are about to head our way." Hawke mentioned as we got out of the office.

"You have no idea." I mumbled. "Hey now that we're here, you want to visit our wayward Captain?" I motioned toward the barracks.

"Sure." Hawke chuckled. We went into the barracks. I got a few greetings from some of the guards. Coming down to train and kicking their asses gives you notoriety in the guard.

That and being the princess. It seems my reputation finally caught up with me. It was weird.

"The seneschal-"

"Dismissed." Aveline glared at the messenger. Hawke and I went into Aveline's office as the messenger left.

"You would think that requisitioning a Templar or two would be easy in this city after the second circle fell but no. Trying to safeguard eternity is more important than working for the people." Aveline sighed.

"Well cleaning up after someone's dirty mess would be extra work." I said.

"It's really not the challenge that's bothering me. It's the unending part and really I blame you two." Aveline leaded against her desk.

"Hm I don't think we've done anything as of yet." Hawke smirked.

"You, Hawke, poured gold into a pot that was already full. You, I don't have many concerns with but everyone is still talking about one of the Defenders of Denerim and Princess, no doubt, settling on foreign land. Now every anti-Fereldan has something to fear." Aveline rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Oh you know you love being the Captain even with all this added work." Hawke said. Aveline chuckled.

"They'll have to chase me out of here and I'm sure that some would want to as well. I haven't been keeping up with both of you. I'm sure you won't get into too much trouble, especially you Nia. At least you try to do some right in the city." Aveline chuckled. Hawke stuck her tongue out at me.

"This reunion was nice but I'd best be heading on home. Nia, I'll stop by so we can tackle this Arishok problem together." Hawke patted my shoulder.

"Anytime Hawke." I said as we both left Aveline to her work and went out of the Viscount's Keep. I saw Bodahn come up to Hawke and I left her with him. I went back to my mansion. A few people giving me greetings here and there. The blight has been over for years and yet my reputation about what I did in Amaranthine elevated even that! Not that it has won me favor with the nobles. The Free Marchers call me a dog lord behind my back or the Barbaric Princess because I wear Dalish armor.

This is why I never took Varric's offer of him writing my exploits down. If I did, I would never hear the end of it.

"You are home early." Fenris said, lounging in the main hall. We made something of a practice ring in it but we had chairs and seats around when our friends would come on by.

"The Viscount was only telling me to deal with the Qunari, nothing much." I shrugged, sitting in a seat near him. He had a few books on the desk. Nothing too difficult but he has been learning.

"Deal with the Qunari?" Fenris questioned.

"The Arishok asked about me and Hawke. Hawke said that she was going to go to her home first and then come up here so we can see what he wants." I said, running my hand through my hair. I cut it short a while ago but it grows so fast. It was past my shoulder blades now. "Anything good to read?"

"These are all from Isabela. I doubt you would want to page through them." Fenris chuckled.

"Ugh, no. How in the hell can you read that smut?" I had a disgusted face.

"It is interesting." Fenris stated. I rolled my eyes.

"Uh huh. 'Interesting.' You need to get laid Fenris is what I think." I laughed, taking off my armor.

"Are you offering?" He smirked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ha, ha, very funny." I said flatly. He chuckled. I've lived with my feelings for so long now. They got stronger but I am the master of self-control. Temptation was there but I knew in my heart I would never take it. I went to my desk upstairs and went through my letters. One was from Velanna telling me all about Solan. Another was from Oghren talking to me about his nugget and how he and Felsi are starting to mention a relationship again. A passionate relationship where she smacks him around. I rolled my eyes.

Talen mentions that, even though the Circle was free for only a few years, they still kept the new rules that he implemented. It was a bittersweet ending for a few he said. I had to remember to send a congratulatory gift now that he and Leliana are married.

I haven't gotten anything from Leliana but I know that she's doing well in Val Royeaux. A few letters from Anora telling me about the lands for the elves. The farmers were getting along with them so far but there have been isolated cases. She rather me go down there and deal with them. That responsibility was given to me when Eren left and I've been ignoring it. I knew I'd eventually have to go down there and deal with it. Hopefully before the cart-and Co-.

I got my paper and quill and started to write to them. I loved the scratching sound of the quill and ink. It was a cathartic experience.

"Hello there my favorite elf besides Merrill!" I heard from downstairs.

"Hawke." Fenris grumbled.

"Where's your lovely lover hm?" Hawke mentioned. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm upstairs." I said loudly. I got up and saw Hawke and Anders.

"They are not together." Anders said, crossing his arms downstairs. I came down quickly and gave him a quick hug.

"How have you been? I haven't been down in Darktown for a week!" I giggled.

"I'm doing well." Anders said, patting me on the head.

"Don't look now Fenris but he is stealing your woman." Hawke slightly shoved him.

"Three years and no new material Hawke? I have to say, I'm disappointed in you." I said. Hawke pinched my cheek. "Ow!"

"I'll come up with something as soon as you settle down." Hawke poked my cheek.

"I'm not going to 'settle down.' I've heard the Leandra is looking for a husband for you." I shoved her.

"Hmph! I don't see why. Merrill and Carver are already supplying her with a grandchild." Hawke grumbled.

"How far along is she again?" I asked.

"Six months. It'll take a while before the baby is born." Anders said.

"Well let's not keep our favorite dwarf waiting, shall we?" Hawke said as we went out of the mansion. Varric was waiting for us, leaning against a wall.

"Well if it isn't my two favorite nobles?" Varric chuckled.

"Hey Varric." I laughed.

"The Arishok calling you two by name? I get Knives but why you Hawke?" Varric wondered.

"I don't know. Time to go and find out right?" Hawke hummed. We made our way toward Lowtown and through the alleys all the way to the docks.

"You Hawke. A patrol of ours went missing along the Wounded Coast. You have fought Qunari before and succeeded. Arvaarad, no less. Did you kill them?" The Qunari guard asked her.

"You really think I'm the only one you suspect? There's the coterie, Templars, mages, take your pick." Hawke listed off.

"Then you basalit-an." The Qunari guard focused on me.

"Don't look at me. I haven't killed any Qunari." I said, crossing my arms.

"The basra in this city cannot fall a karataam. You and you are different matters. If neither of you are responsible, I waste my time here." Hawke and I gave each other a look.

"Let's go see what the Arishok wants." I said. We went inside the compound, past the Qunari that were standing around. The Arishok watched us with his deadly golden eyes as we walked closer to his make shift throne.

"Serah Hawke. Nia Cousland. Although I knew your name basalit-an, I cared not for you. Neither did I know your name Hawke. I did not care to. Your fortunes have changed while ours have not. I offer a courtesy. Someone has stolen what he thinks is the recipe for gaatlok. You will want to hunt him." The Arishok mentioned.

"Someone finally took your formula for the explosive powder? It's almost hard to comprehend." Hawke chuckled.

"It was allowed. The formula that was stolen was a decoy. It was saar-qamek that was taken-a poison gas, not explosives." The Arishok explained.

"Ah shit." I mumbled. Hawke gave me a look before the Arishok continued.

"A minute amount is dangerous to your kind. If someone was to make this in quantity, with an intention to sell it…" The Arishok let it hang.

"There's only one person we know that wanted it. Javaris?" Hawke said.

"Would he be careful with a formula he knows nothing about or would he take his success and make enough of it to threaten a district? A courtesy. You will want to hunt him." The Arishok said.

"Then there's no time to lose. Panahedan Arishok." I said, bowing to him.

"Panahedan Cousland, Hawke. I hope you do not die." The Arishok huffed. We got out of there.

"We need to find him and fast." I said.

"Ok but what is this saar-qamek?" Hawke asked.

"It's a poison meant to make you go mad. Qunari use it to…" I said before motioning them to follow me out of the docks. "Qunari don't let any resource go to waste. Those who fight against the Qun are kept with saar-qamek. It's a poison on the mind to make you a mindless slave." I explained.

"Maker's breath and they make this shit?" Hawke said.

"In order to control those that won't accept their role into the Qun, yes." Fenris said.

"We need to find Javaris then. Varric do you have any leads?" Hawke asked.

"There was a sell-out in the Merchant's Guild but no one really does that unless they're trying to run from somewhere. I haven't kept up on the information though. We'll need to go to the Coterie." Varric rubbed his face, thinking.

"Darktown it is then." Hawke said.

"Sten told you about this as well? I find it hard to believe." Fenris said.

"I can be very persuasive when I want to." I shrugged.

"Truly?" Fenris asked.

"Yep." I kept that-. No one needed to know right?

"How is Ser Pounce-a-lot by the way? I didn't see him when I went to the mansion." Anders said, coming by next to me.

"I know he's off somewhere doing something. The mansion is really big Anders. As long as he's not in the kitchen messing everything up, he goes where he wants to." I chuckled.

"I still cannot believe you brought that cat with you." Fenris sighed.

"I love Ser Pounce-a-lot and, considering how he loves your room, I'm guessing you have soft spot for him too." I said, poking his cheek.

"He does not use my room as a privy at least." Fenris stated.

"Not like it would change much." Anders mumbled.

"Hey no fighting you two." I pushed on both of them.

"Yes please Knives keep the broody elf and Blondie in line. I still have scorch marks on my favorite dresser…" Hawke exhaled sharply.

"See guys? No fighting." I laughed.

* * *

 **Special double update! We are finally entering Act 2! Took long enough as well lol I'm going to miss these slice of life chapters.**

 **Shout out to AgentMaine46 for following/favoriting!**

 **PinkStalker23:** _I love the fact that you dissected Eren's character. Makes me feel all warm inside._  
 **OnkelJo:** _Huh i didn't notice that it was similar to Cole's personal quest. Love him as well. C:  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _No no, Sebastian is more pure and took it as a friendly gesture lol The pressure is foreshadowing for more to_ come!  
 **Onitsu Blackfeather:** _I see you've thought about how things could go lol Trust me, we know it happens the only thing is HOW it happens :3_

 **Thank you Ariel, Ariel Wild, WardenMahariel, GlowShower, Dforce76, ThelonewolfNT, and Taffy and Sweetrolls for reviewing! Please Review!**


	32. A Courtesy

9:34 Drakonis 5th

We went through the lifts and walked through Darktown with Varric leading us to the Coterie agent.

"You are selling wares from Javaris Tintop?" Hawke asked.

"That I am. Limited districts, limited contacts. It keeps our territory clear and gives us a good start. He had a decent lot but he's skipped out of town with his dues so up his cargo goes." She explained.

"May inquire about our popular friend?" Hawke smirked.

"If you asked that about anyone else I would have kicked you out but he owes me too. He left in a hurry. I would put him out in Smuggler's Cut if he has the mind to avoid patrols. It empties out to a cave outside of town. Tell him not to come back." she glared.

"We have our lead guys." I said.

"You're enjoying this." Anders said.

"It's been a while since I've been out to a job like this so yeah I'm a bit giddy. Anyway, the sooner we can get rid of that poison, the better." I nodded. Anders chuckled and ruffled my hair. We went down the stairs of an old passageway. Hawke led the way since she knew all the old routes. The wood gave way to stone and soon we were in a series of caverns.

"This way." Hawke said. We went down the stone stairs and found carta thugs waiting for us. Anders let out a cold spell, freezing three. Hawke did a force spell and shattered them all. Varric let out a barrage of arrows from Bianca. Fenris and I did the last guy in. Five more came jumping down from the hiding places and we were surrounded on all sides. There was one dwarf that had two daggers. I ran toward him and our weapons met. He didn't see my knuckles and I punched him against the wall. I grabbed his head and kept on pummeling his face in before needed to evade from another thug's shield.

I leaped back, leaning away from Fenris' greatsword that caught him. I did a let sweep and the two behind me fell. I cut one's throat before Varric got the other one. Anders and Hawke did their freeze and focus spell at once.

Another five came out. Anders did a wall of ice which impaled two and Hawke hurled a force spell, shattering it and causing the debris to hit the rest. I came up and clocked a thug with my knuckles before letting Varric have him. Fenris cut the other two down.

"It looks like we're not the only ones looking for Javaris." Hawke said, letting out a breath.

"Let's keep moving." I said. We went down the stone stairs all the way to the next level where more carta thugs were waiting for us. Anders froze the first few and Varric let out a barrage of arrows on the running victims. Four were two, two were left. I did a hammer blow on one and dented his helmet and Fenris' sword went right through the last guy.

"More coming!" Anders shouted. They came from the side passages and up top. Anders did a wall of ice and stopped three. I jumped and leaped behind two, slicing their throats with my daggers. Hawke pushed three against the wall before Varric shot at all of them. The last guy saw us and ran for his life.

"Do you think these guys have any coin on them?" Hawke wondered.

"You can save your looting spree later." I said going across the cavern and into a small carved out hallway. There was an archer at the top and I took out one of my smaller knives and threw it, getting him in the throat. I did a fist pump.

"You've gotten better Knives." Varric chuckled.

"I've been practicing." I laughed.

"I have the scars to prove it." Fenris mumbled. I laughed. We went up the stairs and I grabbed my knife. There were four more carta members. Anders froze them all in a cone of cold and Fenris did a whirlwind with his sword, smashing all of them.

"There's the exit." Hawke said before I shoved her out of the way of an arrow. More thugs in an adjacent cavern with crates of merchandise near them. Hawke pushed them away from us with Varric shooting at them. Fenris went off with me right behind him. I did an axe kick and slice on one, tackled another against the wall and stabbed my dagger in their throat. I saw a hidden archer and grabbed Fenris out of the way. He twirled into me as the arrow went past him.

I felt my face flush from our sudden closeness. His face was right in front of mine. I separated and got the archer who was frozen, and smashed him.

"Javaris must have owed a lot of people some money for this many to try to track him down." Hawke wondered.

"Nia are you ok? Your face is red." Anders asked, rubbing my face slightly. I swatted his hand away.

"Just the exertion Anders." I lied. His face was so close! I passed by some of the merchandise when something stuck out for me. A ship in a bottle. I knew I had to come for that later.

"Let's go." Hawke said. We continued to follow the caverns out into the wilderness outside of Kirkwall. We were met with an ambush of mercenary soldiers waiting for us.

"Shit!" I leaped out of the way from the archers arrows. Hawke did a force spell right in the middle of them and pushed outward, flinging them around. We had an opportunity. I wasn't going to waste it. All the ones that were sent flinging, I sprinted toward, stabbing, slashing. Unfortunately I didn't catch one and I got an arrow in my shoulder. I grunted in pain, running toward the archer before it got a sword through his gut.

Fenris gave me a glance but I went toward the next guy behind him, stabbing him in the throat. I looked toward the rest. Ice spotted the ground with a few frozen meaty chunks. Hawke shouted when four of them rushed out of the cave we were in. Anders was quick to respond with another ice spell and Varric smashed them all with his arrows from Bianca.

"That should-ow!" Fenris grabbed me and ripped the arrow out of my shoulder. "A little warning next time?! Jesus Christ that hurt!" I whined loudly while Anders came over to heal me.

"It got the job done, did it not?" Fenris smirked.

"It frigging hurt!" I yelled, rubbing the spot slightly.

"Javaris. I take it you weren't happy to see me?" Hawke wondered.

"You, Granny's breeches of course she would hire you. You know what? Take my head and mount it on a pike for her. I need the sodding rest." Javaris groaned.

"What in Andraste's tits are you talking about?" Hawke asked.

"What? That elf born didn't…? Then you're tracking for the Qunari aren't you? I can't believe she did all of this! For what? She got you and them against me for nothing! Bitch born!" Javaris kicked at the dirt.

"It seems we picked the too obvious of a target." Anders said.

"Ok explain this again from the top." Hawke rubbed her face.

"I was minding my own business, selling my wares when this elf woman came up, telling me she had the formula for the blasting powder. She said that I was her cover. I slipped passed her, got some bodyguards, and ran. Now, you found me. Great." Javaris huffed.

"I'm guessing the elf isn't here then." Hawke stated.

"That's the first step in trying to run away from someone. Look you want to find her, I had someone tail her. She's in Lowtown. I want to get out with my life and dead guards." Javaris grumbled.

"Then you might as well start." I said.

"Right. Next time I'll lay low, maybe start selling boots." Javaris mumbled obscenities to himself as we went back to the cavern. I grabbed the ship in the bottle quickly before following Hawke.

"We need to head back as soon as possible then." I said, going through the same path we took. "If this elf started to use the saar-qamek then…Hawke!" She got up from the bodies she was looting.

"Sorry, sorry! Force of habit!" Hawke laughed. I face palmed.

"Slow down Knives. It's not like she's going to actually hold hostage an entire district or something." Varric mentioned.

"If she really did produce the saar-qamek in enormous quantities then this whole city can became mindless drones if we're not careful." Fenris said.

"We can't let that happen." Anders said.

"All right, all right. Come on Hawke, you can get these bodies later." I led them right back into Darktown. I saw the sun was already starting to go down. I bit my lip as we took the lift up and I fidgeted with my ring.

"Stop fidgeting. You are making me nervous." Fenris grumbled.

"Leave her alone. It's how she deals with stress." Anders crossed his arms..

"It's making me feel like this situation is dire." Fenris glared.

"Well that's your problem isn't it?" Anders snapped. I face palmed again.

"How about you both shut up?" I sighed.

"Boy problems Nia? Why don't you just pick one and be done with it?" Hawke laughed.

"Because I'm greedy." I said flatly. Varric laughed and I saw both of them look away, huffing. We got out of the lift and I made my way toward Lowtown. The sun was low as sunset came. There were a few panicked citizens going away and a few more guards heading in the direction they were coming out of.

"I'm guessing that's our cue." Hawke said. We came near a guard that was trying to make the citizens go back.

"Please I can't fight the air. You need to leave the premises for your own safety!" The Guard warned.

"Yes do as the man says. Now if you'll excuse me." Hawke said, trying to pass.

"Stop…Messere Hawke? Your highness?" The Guard recognized us.

"What's the situation?" I asked.

"Please you must not go through. The street is death. There is a cloud that's driving people mad. It's gotten worse and it's starting to kill as well. I can't have any of you die on my watch. I'll get shafted." The Guard whined.

"Well…just hold your breath then." Hawke chuckled, passing her way through anyway. I shrugged apologetically.

"But…shit…" The Guard shook his head. We came near and I felt my nose burn from it. Hawke coughed as did the rest. I got out my handkerchief that Merrill gave me and wrapped it around my face, covering my nose.

"Try not to breathe in too much." I coughed out.

"We won't last long here." Anders hacked.

"Ever the optimist Anders." Hawke coughed, wrapping her own handkerchief around her.

"There's no sense in all of us going in here at once. Varric, Anders, Fenris, stay away from the mist. We'll go in first and then come back when we can't breathe anymore." I explained.

"Nia no that's-" Anders started, grabbing my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"Sorry Anders, no choice in this." I interrupted, pushing them back. Hawke and I continued on. I felt a wheeze come on and my eyes water.

"These don't make much of a difference." Hawke wheeze pointing at her handkerchief.

"It's the best thing we have." I saw two barrels spewing for a green liquid and a latch on the ground. I picked it up and closed the barrel. The green spew burned on my armor. I heard a few shouts coming from the surrounding buildings and I grabbed my daggers.

"Mercenaries!" Hawke shouted. They came crazed, running, not showing any form.

"Hawke!" I grabbed her and pushed her into the wall, letting them come closer and closer.

"What are you doing!?" Hawke shouted.

"When I say now, you pushed them all to the ground." Closer and closer. "Now!" Hawke pushed them all to the ground with her spell and I reached for that power. I sprinted and cut all the throats I can. I heard them mumble crazed nonsense. There were seven in total that I was able to kill but that was too much for me. I saw more come out but my lungs wouldn't take anymore. I coughed and hunched over before I saw a fire spell come from Hawke. They were done for but so were we. I grabbed Hawke and we got out of the mist to where the others were.

Hawke and I coughed and wheezed. I felt Anders healing us but it wasn't enough to stop the pain. Tears came out as the mist burned in my chest.

"There are…" I cleared my throat. "Latches…some of the mercenaries are carrying them. We closed one barrel. There should be more out there." I grabbed at the waterskin Varric offered me. I gave him my handkerchief. "That should deter some of the mist. Try to stay out of it though. The barrels carrying the saar-qamek burns your armor too. Be careful." I warned.

"Not to worry Knives. Come on broody elf. Time to close some death." Varric and Fenris went out while I greedily gulped down some clean air.

"I think I burned out all my nose hairs." Hawke coughed.

"Just keep breathing, here from your stomach." Anders said. I sighed and coughed.

"I hope those two will be ok." I sighed.

"Don't worry. Fenris and Varric will be back. Then it's Anders turn." Hawke chuckled.

"I'd rather him stay so he can heal Varric and Fenris. We'll go out when they come back." We waited for what I felt like was forever before I saw them come back coughing and hacking like us.

"There's…one more…" Fenris said, kneeling on the ground.

"There's…crazed people still inside. We…can't do anything for them." Varric said. Anders healed them both.

"Hawke, ready for round two?" I wondered.

"Might as well." Hawke chuckled weakly.

"It actually should be ok for us to go. There isn't much of that mist anymore now that we've closed most of them." Varric coughed and cleared his throat.

"But-" I started.

"Whoever is behind this is still here." Fenris interrupted, getting up.

"Alright. Everyone, don't die." Hawke encouraged and we set out. Some of the mist has dispersed. We found another latch and closed the last one. We saw an elf come toward us from the stairs on the next level.

"You? Serah Hawke?" She gaped.

"I think it's safe to assume this whole mess is your fault?" Hawke glared. The elf woman chuckled.

"I'm glad it's you. These, they didn't matter oh but you…you have enemies, you are much better." Her voice low and raspy.

"And this is the part where you explain your evil plan?" Hawke rolled her eyes.

"The Qunari take my people, my siblings go to them for purpose! So I get help from your people. I steal the formula, make the thunder, cause accidents, make them hated! But this? It's all wrong." The elf worried and paced.

"She was going to kill people anyway." Fenris glared.

"That's…not funny at all." Hawke shook her head. I sighed.

"Enough." I grabbed one of my knives and threw it at her but it only clipped her face. She laughed menacingly, taking out her double handed sword.

"More bodies for me!" She screamed.

"Shut the hell up!" I ran up the stairs with Fenris behind me. She slashed at me with her sword but she wasn't nearly as fast as Fenris. I evaded the arrows and pushed her off of the stairs. She fell down, her sword clattering on the ground. I jumped and smashed my boots into her. She cried in pain but that was cut short by my dagger. The two archers were cut in half by Fenris and we both rushed to the battle with Hawke.

There weren't many mercenaries left and I killed two before everyone was dead on the ground. I coughed into my hand and spat out some blood. I went up the stairs again and got my knife.

"That was an experience." Hawke rubbed her face, clearing her throat as we got out of that district. Fenris went off ahead while I breathed in the clean air, coughing and spitting out some blood.

"Thank you Messere Hawke. It seems there were a few survivors and they are coming out. We won't forget this." The guard said, saluting her. I coughed again.

"It's best if we return to our homes. We can tell the Arishok what happened once we have cleared the poison out of our lungs." Anders nodded.

"Agreed. Varric, Anders, a pleasure." Hawke went back to her home. I cleared my throat again and Anders stopped me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"You'll be fine?" Anders asked.

"Yes. Don't worry so much Anders." I patted his hand. He sighed and nodded. He went off to Darktown while I went toward the stairs again. I saw Fenris leaning against a column.

"Here." He gave me my handkerchief back.

"Thanks." I coughed lightly again. We went up the stairs in silence. For some odd reason I thought back to when I twirled him into me and how close he was. I chuckled.

"Why are you laughing?" Fenris asked.

"Because from before. I twirled you into me. It was almost like we were dancing in that moment." I chuckled.

"Dancing with people trying to kill us all around us." Fenris shook his head.

"Yep. I guess those lessons of Leandra are paying off." I laughed.

"The noble lessons?" Fenris wondered.

"Yes the noble lessons. I can't believe she remembers all of that. Hawke doesn't want to do it of course and Leandra sees me as a replacement for Bethany so of course she'll put that effort in." I sighed.

"I do not think she sees you as a replacement. I think she sees you as another daughter." Fenris urged.

"Hm maybe." I hummed.

"Do you dance as well?" Fenris asked.

"Yep, another thing to the list she's training me to do. It's hard though. She tells me the steps and those are easy enough to remember but a dance is for two people, not just one." I said, opening the door to my home. "Besides, it's hard to find a good lead."

"A good lead?"

"Someone who leads you in your dance. It's usually the man that does it, he leads the woman and the woman must take it and flow with him, otherwise you mess up. Anyway, want something to drink to wash away some of the stuff we inhaled?" I asked.

"That would be nice." Fenris nodded. I made him some tea with honey and a slice of lemon. That would sooth his throat. I made myself some herbal hibiscus tea. "You never drink regular tea." Fenris leaned against the doorway, watching me like usual.

"I hate the stuff. It tastes nasty. Herbal teas are better in my opinion well some at least." I said, sipping and letting it soothe my throat. I looked at Fenris as we sat in our benches.

His face was so close.

I felt my face flush again. After I was done, I washed out my cup.

"We'd better get to sleep. We'll have to explain to the Arishok tomorrow what happened."

"Hm."

"Good night Fenris."

"Night."

9:34 Drakonis 6th

My lungs hurt from the day before. It was a weird pain. It almost felt like I breathed too much and there was a lump in my throat that made it extra difficult to catch a single breath. I made sure to take the morning slow and made a simple breakfast. Fenris didn't look too bad either and we ate in silence as we usually do.

"Hello my good friends! Are you ready to deliver our report to the Arishok!" Hawke announced, coming through the door with a flourish. I stared at her blankly.

"Can't you at least knock or maybe say 'Good Morning' when you're coming through this early?" I wondered.

"Of course not!" Hawke laughed haughtily. Fenris and I gave each other a blank look. "Now, now, this isn't the time for bedroom eyes. Let's go!"

"Whatever you're taking to be such a morning person, give it to me now." I stated. Hawke patted my shoulder.

"Oh come now Nia! It's a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and we did a good thing yesterday!" Hawke laughed.

"You are too happy." Fenris huffed.

"Do you expect me to be as broody as you? Should I scowl and huff every two seconds? Maybe grow my hair out where it partly covers my eyes as I share my aura of woe with you?" Hawke suggested. "You will never understand the pain or scars on my heart, woe is I!"

"If you are trying to insult me, you will have to do better than that." Fenris smirked. Hawke gasped.

"You are rubbing off on him too much Nia." Hawke laughed. I shook my head at their antics. We went down through Lowtown to get to the docks and Varric was off with a merchant and nodded to us.

"Already heading toward the compound huh?" Varric stretched. "I swear I was coughing half of my lungs last night. I had to stop by Elegant's in order to at least handle some of the damage.

"You should have gone to Anders. You know that he makes them better." I mentioned. Varric shrugged.

"He wasn't there when I went to visit him last night. Anyway, let's get this over with." Varric sighed. We headed toward the docks. The smell was going to get stronger now that we're entering the late spring months. We got near the compound and I yawned with that weird rasp in the back of my throat. Curse that saar-qamek.

"You are allowed to enter, for now." The guard grumbled.

"Friendly bunch aren't they?" Varric mumbled. We went inside and the Arishok was standing around with his men. When he took notice of us he took his normal seat above us.

"You have killed the thief." He stated.

"Yes but you were wrong about who it was. An elven woman framed Javaris. She was the one that stole the formula and used it." Hawke explained.

"So I was wrong about the thief." The Arishok huffed.

"It happens to the best of us." Hawke chuckled.

"They say we were careless with our trap and this is our fault. They fail to understand that even without the saar-qamek, there would have been death. The elf tried to use this against us and tried to lay the blame at our feet. I admire conviction with focus but your kind are truly committed to weakness." The Arishok glared.

"And yet this lowly elf nearly used your own weapon against you." Hawke challenged. I wanted to face palm but kept my rigid stance.

"The only weapon we have is the certainty of the Qun. It cannot be used against us. It does not matter. I am not here to fight. You have been brought here to satisfy a demand you cannot understand." The Arishok rubbed at his face slightly.

"It has taken long enough hasn't it?" Hawke wondered.

"It will take as long as needed. There is no ship coming. There is no rescue from the duty to the Qun. I am stuck here." The Arishok growled.

"You've been here long enough to build a ship." Hawke pointed out. That was the wrong thing to say. The Arishok stood up and I could feel that hidden rage behind his eyes.

"It is not about building a ship. Filth stole from us. Not now, not the saar-qamek, but years ago. A simple act of greed has restrained me. We are denied Par Vollen until I recover what was lost under my command! That is why this elf and her shadows are unimportant! That is why I do not simply walk away from this pustule of a city! Fixing your mess is not the demand of the Qun and you should all be grateful!" I took a step back unconsciously. Yelling is the one thing I am weak to. The Arishok sighed before sitting down on his seat again. "Thank you for your service. Leave." Hawke opened her mouth but I grabbed her arm and dragged her out of there.

I understand better than most what homesickness and loneliness felt like. That was what I saw plainly on the Arishok's face but at the same time he can't move. He has a duty and that is what binds him to stay in Kirkwall. It wasn't hard understanding the Qunari or the Qun at all. Still, I knew what he would do when pushed and that is-.

"The Arishok is at his breaking point. We need to tell the Viscount." I sighed, letting go of Hawke's arm. She stuck her tongue out at me before smiling as she usually does.

"Good, we'll stop by the Chantry as well." Hawke chuckled.

"You got scared there Knives?" Varric wondered.

"A little. I'm not good when people yell at me." I mumbled.

"Why's that? They're just yelling at you. Tune them out and it'll be fine." Hawke shrugged.

"I had some bad experiences in my life when men yelled at me." I fidgeted with my ring.

"Hm old relationships?" Hawke wondered.

"An abusive one." I shrugged. They all stopped and stared. "What?"

"You were in an abusive relationship? That is…hard to believe." Hawke raised her eyebrow. I shrugged.

"I was young and didn't know better. Fear kept me in it and an odd sense of responsibility. It worked out in the end though. I got out of it but whenever a guy yells at me I kinda freeze." I explained.

"At least Fenris doesn't do that right?" Hawke poked him on the cheek. He swatted her hand away.

"Fenris is a nice guy." I smiled. Hawke and Varric chuckled. "What?"

"Nothing Knives." Varric gave me a knowing look. I bit the inside of my cheek and kept my face as neutral as possible.

"I'm missing something here aren't I?" I asked nonchalantly. I looked at Fenris and he shrugged.

"Nothing you haven't heard already." Hawke laughed. Oh no, I knew. I wore my heart on my sleeve and Varric is a cunning dwarf. We got out of the docks and headed up toward Hightown. Varric gave me glances here and there before we stopped at our destination. "Here's the Chantry, those who don't want to be burned from its holiness, stay outside." Hawke snickered and Varric laughed but followed her inside anyway. I chose to stay out. Fenris stayed with me.

"You never go inside the Chantry, why is that?" Fenris asked.

"I don't want to seem insulting. I praise another God so I don't like stepping in the Chantry when I'm like this. I'm being respectful by staying out." I explained.

"You are odd." Fenris smirked.

"So you have told me countless time." I chuckled.

"It's not a bad thing." Fenris shrugged.

"I've always know I was weird. I like being like that. It makes me feel special." I laughed.

"You have always been." Fenris said. I made sure to look ahead. My mind was already trying to fit that in but I had to put a stop to those thoughts. There was no meaning behind them, absolutely nothing. I can't get my hopes up. This was only a one-sided thing on my part and there was no way in hell that I would ruin this friendship. God damn it it was so hard in-.

"Thank you." I smiled while focusing on something else. I heard the doors open and Hawke, Varric, and Sebastian came out.

"Guess what? It's time to go to war!" Hawke laughed.

"It is not that grave. We are only going to talk with the Harimanns." Sebastian chuckled.

"Either way, we are going to war." Hawke grinned. I face palmed.

"So what's the real reason? What happened Sebastian?" I asked.

"There were a group of mercenaries that I sent Hawke after." Sebastian sighed.

"The ones that killed your family." I stated. Sebastian noded.

"Yes. I learned who sent them and…I need to know why." Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed.

"I have agreed to help him and you will be coming per the norm right?" Hawke wondered.

"Of course. I would be weird not to at this point." I laughed.

"Thank you Nia." Sebastian sighed in relief.

"And now I have two people of royalty following me! I feel so special." Hawke laughed.

"And people say I'm the strange one." I shook my head.

"Let's go and clean up another mess then." Varric chuckled.

"We're really good at those at least. So why is this troubling you Sebastian?" I asked.

"I grew up with the Harimann's. I used to visit them as a child and they were close friends of my family. I do not know the reason why they sent those mercenaries to my family…I need to know the truth." Sebastian said with conviction. I liked his face when he was like that though in my opinion, Sebastian was way too pretty.

"We killed the people responsible for it though." Hawke remembered.

"Yes but they were the ones who sent the mercenaries and placed my cousin on the throne. I will not be able to rest until I know the truth." Sebastian led us to a mansion past my own. It was bigger than mine. "Here this is the Harimann's estate." Sebastian sighed.

"You're practically neighbors." Hawke shoved me.

"Strange there are no guards outside." Sebastian wondered and tried the door. It was unlocked. We went inside. "The door has been left open, no guards inside either. This does not bode well."

"Well what could possibly go wrong?" Hawke chuckled.

"Oh God, you had to say that didn't you?" I rubbed my face.

* * *

 **Ok so I now have to ask this question to you my fellow readers. As this is a Mature fanfic, with gore, emotional scenes that cause some to be uncomfortable (later on), a lot of cursing, there is one thing I have to know, what is your stance on NSFW content? No spoilers of course but I have to know your opinion on it. The way I see it fanfiction. net is 50/50 on most content. Some don't mind is as long as there are warnings, others are completely uncomfortable by it and choose not to have it at all.**

 **So I have set up a poll on my profile on whether or not you would like to read it in my fanfic. If most of you say 'No, please take it out' I will and only insinuate that 'it' happened. Those that would have the warning but don't mind it, go ahead and vote for that as well. It will be up for the remainder of the week and from there I will make the decision based on you. I can't have you guys wriggling in your seats making disgusted faces at what I write, that's not why I do this...unless I actually do want that reaction but that would go towards other scenarios except 'that.' Please let me know guys! If the poll is not showing up for whatever reason, please PM/Review!**

 **Pinkstalker23:** _Yeah this story is going to be a doozy of a thing to write. We're not even halfway there yet! Then there are the 3 to 4 years in between DA2 and DAI that I will cover as well. It's a big project and, hopefully, it won't be done by the time the new game comes out so I can know more before writing that too!_  
 **Ariel Wild:** _Sorry! I will keep that in mind! :3  
_ **WardenMahariel:** _I don't know, let your imagination run wild yeah?  
_ **EG:** _Damn, already running for Nilas? It's going to be a ways to go until DAI xD Glad you're back!  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _That part is already written out and everything! :D_

 **Please review!**


	33. A Faith Tested, A Man Wanted

9:34 Drakonis 6th

"Is it me or does it seem a little dark to you?" I wondered as we went up the stairs. It was a huge estate, twice the size of mine.

"Something does not feel right." Sebastian mumbled.

"That's putting it mildly...when did they last clean?" Hawke wondered. We looked around a few rooms when Sebastian stopped us. He has a pensive look on his face before leading again. We went through a door and went down a series of stairs that led us all the way down into the cellar.

"More wine you…you…or I'll drown you in the dregs!" I heard as we walked down the stairs. I saw a woman yelling at a huge wine barrel.

"Huh that sounds familiar. I don't want to be on the end of that hangover tomorrow." Varric chuckled. She growled/slurred and punched at the barrel. Sebastian looked worried and extremely confused.

"This is not the Flora I know. She does not even see us. This wine cannot be normal." Sebastian theorized.

"I don't think the wine is causing this." Hawke stated.

"It would be best to leave her alone." Fenris said as Flora leaned against the barrel, trying to get more wine but the barrel was empty.

"We need to check the rest of the home I guess." I suggested and we all left Flora to drown with invisible wine. We tried other doors but they were locked before we found an unlocked door. It was extremely dark except for the fire that was rolling with a huge pot in the middle of the room.

"More, more gold! It must be molten!" Brett shouted in glee. We saw an elf servant holding another servant by a knife.

"Please messere." Her voiced wavered in fear.

"Don't worry. You'll be beautiful." Brett breathed out. He was obviously not in sound mind.

"No! You'll kill her!" Sebastian cried out. The elf that held the dagger tried to attack us but Sebastian did a sucker punch, knocking him to the ground. The elven girl ran out.

"Maybe I should be the one in gold!" Brett knelt down, staring into the pot of melted gold.

"Brett, you must stop. Do you not remember me?" Sebastian grabbed him. Brett had that glazed look over his eyes.

"Sebastian, I don't think he can even hear us." Hawke apologized. Sebastian sighed and let him go.

"We must stop this madness." Sebastian urged as we left Brett who kept on staring at the fire and talking about gold.

"This is the creepiest thing I've ever seen." I mumbled, going through more rooms.

"How could they even conceal such things?" Sebastian wondered. Hawke and I looked at each other. Sebastian was taking this hard. He did grow up with these people. It didn't matter if he was close to them now. Memories like those don't just go away. We went up the stairs toward the other rooms.

Where we stumbled upon the Lord Harimann in a…unique situation, with an elf girl on her knees...and he was exposed. You think that modern day was kinky but this? I need brain bleach, stat.

"Gah!" I went out of the room as fast as I could, my face flush. Hawke followed me out with Sebastian. Sebastian and I were red face. Hawke looked more amused.

"I am sorry Hawke, Nia. That is something…I did not want you to see but…this can't be as well. He was such a prude!" Sebastian squeaked. Hawke laughed. I groaned and tried to erase what I saw.

"What did you guys see?" Varric wondered before we heard a few loud moans and groans.

"That." I said, my face feeling flushed.

"If you think Lord Harimann was a prude, you should see this one." Hawke shoved me.

"I am not a prude!" I squeaked. Fenris chuckled. "Shut up!"

"Well." Sebastian cleared his throat. "We must continue."

"Use the feather!" Lord Harimann shouted.

"I'm not hearing anything!" I said, putting my hands over my ears.

"Now she's a prude." Hawke laughed at me.

"That is a very personal thing we walked into." I said, the flush not going away.

"She cannot even read smut." Fenris said.

"No!" Hawke gasped.

"I will kill you when we get home." I growled.

"You can try." Fenris smirked.

"There is only one way we have not searched through." Sebastian explained. He led us down into the cellars. At first everything seemed normal until Flora and the rest of her family followed us down there.

"Go back. There is nothing for you here." Flora said in monotone.

"Oh now you see us? When you being a drunken ass, you didn't care for us one slight." Hawke crossed her arms.

"There is nothing for you here." Flora and the others eyes rolled into the back of their heads and a pulse went out in the room.

"The veil…" Hawke muttered before we were surrounded by shades and a desire demon.

"Shit!" Varric said. I jumped and plunged my daggers into the desire demon. She floated around and knocked me off, sending me into two shades. They grabbed at my armor before I saw two arrows go through them. I fell to the floor as their forms vanished and left behind residue. I got up and did a round house kick at the desire demon. It let out a blast of cold but I sheltered through it. I tackled it to the ground and stabbed through its eye.

"Demons and Temptresses. They must be guarding a greater evil." Sebastian growled.

"Because that's what demons do or at least greater demons or evil mages." Hawke explained.

"Great, another evil mage added to the list." Fenris grumbled. Sebastian looked around the cellar.

"What is this? I did not see this when I was young." Sebastian explained, looking at a ladder that headed down into a tunnel.

"Seems like this is our path." I said, going down. There was an underground path leading somewhere. We followed it until the path started to resemble an old ruin.

"Where did this come from?" Sebastian wondered. "I do not remember seeing a set of ruins so close to Hightown or even connected to their home." We walked down the stone steps. One step cracked underneath my foot. I gasped before I felt Fenris wrap one arm around me.

"Oh shit that was the second time I almost fell down stairs. This is why I ground myself." I stepped away, frustrated at the fact I couldn't go down the stairs without them trying to kill me.

"It does not matter if you fall anyway." Fenris rolled his eyes.

"Shush Fenris." I stuck my tongue out, walking down the last steps with the others. Two shades and a rage demon appeared in front of us.

"More from the shadows!" Sebastian shouted.

"Get the rage demon first!" I shouted, stabbing the shade through its eye. I saw Hawke pushed down on the rage demon but that didn't do much of anything. Sebastian kept on firing arrows with Bianca doing the same. Fenris got rid of the other shade near us with a sword through its midsection. The rage demon sunk into the earth but more shades came out.

I stabbed deep into one, feeling another rake its claws on my arm. I slashed upward and kicked it away. An arrow found it. The shades gathered around us but Hawke pushed them all away against the wall. They were easy pickings after that.

We went down more stairs and into a large cavern, where a Revenant was waiting for us. It raised its hand up and I felt that pull dragging me toward it. I hit its armor hard and fell to the floor. It raised its sword high but I rolled away before it could stab me. Fenris tackled right into it while I got up on my feet. Then it stabbed at the earth and the dead began to rise. I decapitated the first one close to me while a set of arrows killed two more. I saw Hawke use her staff like a bat and knocked off another's skull.

I saw Fenris use his hand and grabbed onto the Revenant's skull from the inside before ripping the head off. That was so awesome but I couldn't focus on that. More undead rose. I switched to my knuckles and bashed in all the skulls I found. They cracked from my power.

"And stay down." I said, crushing another skull under my foot.

"Nicely put Knives." Varric laughed.

"These ones need to remember not to pick a bone with us…Get it?" Hawke joked.

"Oh Hawke that was horrible!" Varric chuckled.

"I thought it was funny." Sebastian said. We went down a small corridor where we were in a single file line. We came to another large cavern and corpses came from the ground. I decapitated one and I saw a few arrows go into a corpse's chest.

"You can't kill them unless you aim for the head!" I yelled. A corpse was right behind me and I saw another arrow go right through the skull. Sebastian gave me a smirk. I could see why-would like him.

Once we got through killing the corpses, shades and two rage demons came forth. I mentally cursed for not bringing Anders with us. Fenris used his power to cut through them though. He knew that the rage demons burned when you got near them. I made sure to tackle every single shade, slashing and plunging my dagger into their ethereal bodies.

Hawke did a force spell and pushed all the shades down. Varric let Bianca fly and they all dispersed from whence they came.

"Someone sundered the veil. This is why it's happening." Hawke explained.

"Another mage then." Fenris mumbled.

"There are no mages in the Harimanns family." Sebastian said.

"Someone who used their family as experimental subjects then?" Hawke wondered.

"Maker forbid…" Sebastian whispered.

"One way to find out." I said. We passed through a doorway and I immediately felt the pull of another revenant. Luckily when my face hit its armor I fell down some stairs, away from it. I groaned but got up. Fenris went to tackle with the Revenant. I went ahead and decapitated a few corpses.

I felt a push though and slammed into the wall, falling on a pile of bones. I lifted my head and there was an Arcane Horror.

"Arcane Horror people!" I shouted.

"A little busy Nia!" Hawke yelled back. The Arcane Horror teleported in front of me and grabbed me by my throat. I felt it constrict before I saw a few arrows sticking out behind it. Then another arrow through its head and it fell to the floor. I coughed and breathed as much air as I could.

"Nia." Fenris came and helped me up.

"I'm fine just a few bruises and scratches, nothing big." I assured him, rubbing my throat. I got a potion and drank it. I felt the bruises go away and my neck feeling better.

"Come on Nia, leave those boneheads alone." Hawke laughed. I groaned and Fenris face palmed. Sebastian laughed. We followed the stone stairs up toward another narrow cavern.

"You must give me more power. Starkhaven still isn't mine! I put that idiot Goran Vael on the prince's seat and yet other nobles won't listen to him! I know I'll have to marry Flora to him to solidify our relationship but first, I need more power." Lady Harimann growled.

"Your desire runs deep mortal but what more can you give besides your children and your husband?" The Desire demon was floating before her, its scaly skin, horns, and long nails would give anyone the chills.

"You know you can get a decent whore at the Blooming Rose for fifty silvers for a standard package." Hawke offered.

"I'm not even going to ask." I shook my head.

"I have to make sure every single time I visit you know." Hawke shrugged.

"I am not your standard fare." The desire demon purred.

"Who are you and how did you get here? Sebastian?" Lady Harimann's face was one of recognition.

"My mother trusted you. You were her friend. How could you murder her?" Sebastian pleaded. This looked extremely familiar. Just like Howe and Bryce. I found myself without mercy.

"That is such a filthy word. I only removed the obstacle between her and her dreams." The Desire demon chuckled.

"Then it was your doing! You caused her to do those things." Sebastian got his bow.

"Perhaps but it is much easier to nurture the idea present already in you mortals. I can sense it inside of you and your friends. The desire for power. You all wish to rise." I grabbed my knife and threw it at her, landing dead center in her chest.

"Enough!" I shouted. The desire demon shrieked and Harimann summoned more shades. I tackled the Lady Harimann and quickly slit her throat. The desire demon grabbed me and flung me into the wall. I seemed to be doing that more often. I recovered and sank my blades deep in the desire demon's unnatural flesh. She scratched at my face but I burrowed the dagger deeper inside before it fell to the floor, dead.

I smashed my knuckles against a Shade's head before plunging my dagger through its head. Another tried grabbing me from behind but I headbutted it, kicked it away, and sank my daggers deep into it. I put the knuckles on another shade and did an uppercut with my blade.

The demons were gone and Lady Harimann was dead. I glared at her corpse before putting my weapons away.

"You all right Knives?" Varric asked. I spat out some blood from my mouth.

"This hit too close to home." I whispered. Sebastian knelt where I killed Lady Harimann. He sighed deeply.

"Let us go back. I must pray for Lady Harimann's soul." Sebastian said.

"There's no saving her." I mumbled.

"Nia?" Hawke said.

"Sorry. Let's just go back." For me it felt like Howe all over again. We retraced our steps and went back to the estate. When we got back Flora was there waiting for us in the cellar. The mind control that her mother had over them broke when we killed the demon.

"Sebastian…I am so…'sorry' is not nearly powerful enough to apologize to you. What mother made us do and what those creatures made us do…" Flora apologized.

"We were friends once Flora." Sebastian said softly.

"There was a fog in my head and all I could hear was what that demon wanted me to feel and think." Flora sighed.

"So you go ahead do all you want, all the mad revelry, and get none of the blame?" Hawke wondered.

"It wasn't my choice." Flora defended.

"It was a desire demon." I said.

"There is no demon for coercion. Anything that tempted you before, it granted it. It never made you do something you never wanted to do." Sebastian explained.

"My family has done horrible things. I do not care if it takes every coin we have but I assure you, I will make reparations to everyone we have wronged, starting with you Sebastian. Unfortunately, we aren't the only ones vying for the throne. Should you need it, you have my support." Flora nodded.

"That will not bring back my family." Sebastian's voice wavered.

"That's true…" Flora looked down. They had a silent moment.

"I will call on you when I need you." Sebastian finally said. Flora nodded. We made our way out of the estate for good. It brought up too many dark memories for me personally.

"This is why I hate politics." I mumbled getting out of the estate. "I'm going home."

"Nia?" Hawke wondered.

"This hit way too close to me personally. Sorry, I just need time alone." I said, walking down the stairs and heading over to the mansion.

There were too many parallels between what happened to Sebastian to what happened to Eren. The thing with Eren though is that he was never a prince but he ascended to become King. Howe made that choice in killing off everyone in Highever. Even Fergus wrote that it will never be the same home.

I still have nightmares about that night and about Oriana. The guilt never goes away. It only hurts less and less with each passing year.

I went into my bedroom and took off my armor. I needed a bath. I needed time to clear my mind. I nearly bumped into Fenris when he appeared behind me.

"Geez Fenris, don't do that." I rubbed my face.

"What is wrong?" He asked. I bit my lip and looked away.

"All of this reminded me about…back in Highever. The whole killing someone's family off and taking over part." I sighed.

"It reminded you of your family." Fenris stated.

"Yeah…" I looked down.

"Sebastian is not Eren." Fenris said.

"I know that. I know…I need a bath so excuse me." I said, side stepping away from Fenris. I drew the bath and stayed there, relaxing in the water.

Sebastian was not Eren. It should be clear to see that. Though whether he would pursue his throne or not depended on-. We'll see on the matter later I guess.

9:34 Drakonis 7th

"A serial killer?" I asked.

"Do you really think that they're connected?" Hawke wondered, crossing her arms.

"Truthfully I'm not so sure. They seem to be all random occurrences but the Templar Emiric feels as though they are all connected. I had him try to appeal to my guard but he insists that we are not doing anything about it. As long as he kept quiet about it, I allowed him to pursue this on his own but I am worried about what he might find." Aveline explained. I was visiting Hawke and her family, giving them some of the extra food I made. They didn't have a maid and Leandra cooked for everyone. I wanted to alleviate some of the work with Merrill's growing appetite.

"If he's a Templar then surely he's in the gallows…" Hawke groaned.

"You can walk in there staff in hand now without them arresting you." I said.

"True but I'm not going to take that risk." Hawke sighed.

"Aveline? Want to go to the gallows with me?" I asked.

"If it will get him off my back then yes." Aveline nodded.

"Hold the fort Hawke, we'll be back faster than you can say…Sebastian?" I said, opening the door and Sebastian was mid knock.

"Hah! Sebastian that's…oh Sebastian! Didn't expect to see you around here." Hawke laughed..

"I was only in the neighborhood and I was wondering if you would need me in any jobs that might need my help. I offer my services to you." Sebastian bowed.

"Hm? Services?" Hawke teased.

"Oh no that's not-" Sebastian's face grew red.

"Stop making his face the color of his hair Hawke." I said. Aveline chuckled.

"Actually, we might need your help on this one Sebastian. Nia here needs to interrogate a Templar. Use those bow skills to good use." Hawke patted my shoulder.

"I'm not actually interrogating him. I only need to ask him questions. He's in the gallows though and Hawke is not very comfortable around Templars." I explained.

"It would be my honor Nia." Sebastian nodded politely. I shook my head and Aveline chuckled.

"Let's go then. Hawke, we'll be back." I said.

"Don't fall off the boat." Hawke laughed.

"Shut up!" My face flushed.

"The boat?" Sebastian asked. Aveline laughed and my face grew hot in embarrassment.

"I have this…weird fear of falling out of boats." I mumbled, fidgeting with my gloves.

"You mean the ferry toward the Gallows?" Sebastian wondered.

"Hawke nearly tipped it over while I was in it this one time a few years ago. I will never ride to the Gallows with her again." I shook my head.

"We have known each other all these years and I still learn many new things." Sebastian chuckled.

"Knives." Varric said, coming out of the Dwarven merchant guild as we walked past it.

"Hey Varric. Snooping around the Merchant's Guild for any leads?" I asked.

"I haven't found anything unfortunately. Where are you and your merry band off to?" Varric wondered.

"The Gallows." Aveline said.

"The one place Hawke still doesn't step into. Glad she has you around huh?" Varric chuckled.

"Yes she should be very grateful." I hmphed.

"Don't let your pride inflate your head Nia." Aveline teased.

"Never! Anyway, let's go." I laughed. We went down through the winding city alleys and ended up at the pier that would take us to the gallows.

"Do you always have to do that Knives?" Varric chuckled.

"What? Hold onto the boat for dear life? Yes." My knuckles were white holding onto the boat.

"I do not think the rower will allow us to fall in the sea." Sebastian chuckled.

"Oh trust me he wouldn't. Nia is still scared though." Varric chuckled.

"After what Hawke did, yes, yes I am scared." I stated. They all laughed at me.

"We're here Knives. You can let go of the boat now." Varric laughed.

"Shush Varric." We got out and I took note of the Gallows. Less mages, more tranquil. I saw Emeric across the courtyard.

"Templar Emeric. I've heard that you need help tracking down the serial killer you mentioned a few years back?" I asked.

"Your Highness? I would have expected Hawke but no matter. I need your help. It is a matter of great urgency. I've spent much time throughout these years continuing my investigation on the murders of Ninette, Mharen and the other women. I believe I have a suspect, a man called Gascard DuPuis." Emeric explained.

"Is he in hiding? Do I need to get him for you?" I asked.

"No. I know where he is, I just can't get to him." Emeric shook his head.

"I have already searched there and we found nothing. I heard no end of this 'foolish investigation' because of it. You were reprimanded for this I hope?" Aveline glared.

"Knight Commander Meredith has forbade me from continuing my investigation, but she never said I couldn't employ outside help." Emeric slightly smirked.

"Ah loopholes. You got to love them. What do you need me to do?" I asked.

"Thank you your Highness. You will need to capture DuPuis in order for nothing else like this to happen again." Emeric nodded.

"We'll investigate DuPuis again, if only to put this to rest." Aveline crossed her arms.

"You'll need to go to his estate after dark. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong but if I'm right then a killer stops here. I know DuPuis is hiding something. If he is innocent, find some evidence to prove me wrong. It's that simple." Emeric explained.

"Hightown after dark then. Ready for some romp in the night?" I asked.

"I hope for your sake that you're not getting into much trouble." I stopped for a second and saw Cullen behind me.

"Cullen! Hey it's been a while. Not since I came by in Wintermarch right?" I gave him a fist to chest bump.

"Knight Captain." He stressed. I laughed. He shook his head. "Yes it has been a while."

"You could always send me a letter." I prompted.

"There is never enough time to write and what's the point? You usually have some business here with our herbalist every few months." Cullen said.

"What can I say? I try to do good, get some herbs, help some people, you already know this." I smirked.

"True." He laughed.

"And I'm trying to do some good in this world by stopping a serial killer so." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"At least you haven't changed. Emeric has gone on about his investigation for a while now. I hope you can shed some light into it." Cullen said seriously.

"I will." And I'll-. "Maker watch over you Cullen."

"And you." Cullen nodded. We went over to the boat.

"So Templar lover huh?" Varric said, playfully shoving me.

"Don't even start Varric." I rolled my eyes.

"She is married. You need to respect that." Sebastian urged.

"It's ok Sebastian. They always like to mess around with me like this." I waved it off.

"Hawke does it the most." Varric chuckled.

"Especially with Anders and Fenris around." Aveline smirked.

"I wonder why." Sebastian said.

"Oh you think that they have some feelings toward me?" I raised my eyebrows.

"No of course not, I would never suggest that." Aveline said sarcastically.

"Seriously there is nothing going on between them or me." I stated.

"Keep on lying to yourself Knives." Varric chuckled.

"Fenris and Anders?" Sebastian stressed.

"Friends, they are only friends. Nothing there. Anyway guys, I don't know which one of you guys would like to go and accompany me for a nighttime mission." I wondered.

"Count me out. I still have work to do over in the barracks. I trust you though." Aveline shook her head.

"Count me in. I'm due for a good run down." Varric nodded.

"I shall as well." Sebastian agreed.

"Good. I'll go over to Hawke's estate right now then and tell her the news." I got off the boat as soon as it touched down.

"The Chantry is over by the estate. I will accompany you Nia." Sebastian came up to me. Varric went over to the Hanged Man. Aveline went to go check on a few guards.

"Thank you Sebastian." We crossed a few streets before finding the stairs to go to Hightown.

"I am glad I decided to follow on Hawke and your adventures. I can help more people this way." Sebastian mentioned.

"Sometimes we do help, other times we just get in trouble." I chuckled.

"Will this interrupted anything you will be doing?" Sebastian asked.

"I had to tone down my good deeds after what happened in the Alienage and the refugees. I have more free time now so I'm able to go out and do some more work Aveline here and there." I explained.

"It is good. I am sure the Maker will be smiling down on you." Sebastian nodded.

"Eh no. With the Maker and how he is, I'd rather not have him focusing on me." I laughed.

"But the Maker can grant anyone blessings should He choose it." Sebastian urged.

"Sebastian, I know that our faith kinda mirrors each other but there are vast differences between the Maker and my God." I said. Sebastian laughed.

"I understand. We will need to talk about these differences one day." Sebastian opened the door of the Hawke's estate for me.

"One day. Hawke, I'm back!" I announced, crossing the foyer and into the main hall. Bodahn and Sandal were away, most likely doing some shopping for Leandra. Hawke came from her room and down the stairs.

"What did you find?" She asked, Jarvis at her feet.

"Emeric wants us to raid Gaspard DuPuis' estate. He said that he might be the one that is doing the serial killing. Night mission." I crossed my arms.

"Ah yes a nightly raid. I'll be there. Just say the word Nia." Hawke patted my shoulder.

"…Me say the word? Emeric asked for your help." I raised my eyebrow.

"But now this is your job!" Hawke chuckled. "I shall follow my brave leader anywhere!" I rolled my eyes.

"All right. I'll make sure to come by once it starts to get dark. I'm heading over to my estate." I saw myself out. That was odd. Me a leader? Preposterous! I am not good with positions that require responsibility. I was good with only being a grunt.

I went back to my estate and saw Fenris drinking again. That was one habit I wasn't able to kick. He came out of the house with me at least. Varric even told me that whatever I was doing, it was working. Fenris needed someone to trust and I was glad that I'm that person. I knocked on his door and Fenris looked over.

"I'm back. I have a job and I might need your help on it." I leaned against the door way.

"Which is?" He raised his eyebrow.

"There's a serial killer on the loose and we might have the guy who's doing it. We're raiding his estate at night. I would like for you to come." I asked.

"Who else?" Fenris stretched.

"Hawke, Sebastian, and Varric all said that they were coming." I said.

"I might as well. Something exciting to do at least." Fenris chuckled.

"Awesome." I headed to my room and took off my armor. I had to make sure to spend some time away from Fenris. The less I had to wonder and have temptation on my doorstep. It wasn't like I was actively searching for it but I didn't trust myself. I sank into my chair and sighed. I rubbed my face. Gascard DuPuis isn't-. But he was-. I need to tip toe. I wasn't going to let-. I did a prayer before I started to write my letters. I tried to keep in touch with everyone. The ones I usually wrote to were Talen, Wynne, and Velanna. Everyone else was always busy. Zevran writes frequently but he was always moving I could never find him. Leliana was busy being the Left Hand. Her letters were short and to the point now. I was seeing the changes of when she-.

Anora was writing more and more to me. It seems there are more problems concerning the Dalish elves in Enasalin and near Amaranthine. I knew she was dropping hints for me to take care of it. I couldn't walk away from Kirkwall though. I know that one day I'll have to go back to Ferelden to help her. I had to. It was the last promised I made to Eren. The scratching of the quill was the only noise for a few hours. I had to light a candle as dusk was starting to settle. I did a few stretches before I saw the light of the moon coming in through my window. I would say that it was time.

I got ready as well as Fenris and we headed over to Hawke's estate. Sebastian, Varric, and Hawke were already waiting for us outside.

"You ready Knives?" Varric asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

 **I'm surprised that many of you said Yes in the poll lol It will still be up until Monday to really cement the fact ok guys? Also thanks to a friend that got my creative mind going, I might be doing a few spin offs off my SI story. Nothing is set in stone but I will keep you guys posted!**

 **Shout out to HellaRose for favoriting/following!**

 **OnkelJo:** _I try not to go into details on the NSFW. It's not my cup of tea but it plays a part. Also on the emotional scenes, I can't go into specifics but lets say that Act 3 gets testy lol_  
 **Pinkstalker23:** _Yep. I was only going to stop in DA:O but when I saw that Breach in DAI I knew I had to continue. So yeah, as long as there are games/DLCs for Dragon Age, I will keep on writing it. There's no way I'm stopping after going so far lol So I am in this for the long haul. We're not even halfway on this story yet!_

 **Thank you Taffy and Sweetrolls, Dforce76, WardenMahariel, Chimera Spyke for reviewing! Please Review!**


	34. A Night Turned Nightmare

9:34 Drakonis 7th

"Wow I'm literally neighbors with a serial killer." I said flatly.

"We don't know if it is this guy Knives." Varric chuckled. Oh I knew he's-. And the fact-.

"One way to find out. Come on ladies." Hawke chuckled, trying the door. It was open. "That doesn't seem good."

"An unlocked door in Hightown? Pretty sure that's not good." Varric mumbled.

"Let's go in." I led. We crossed the foyer and shades came to being. "Shit!" I drew out my daggers and ran up the stairs, tackling the first shade down. I leapt away when another tried grabbing me. I was able to avoid its crushing embrace but I didn't notice the third one. It grabbed onto me and it wanted to crush me but I heard the woosh of an arrow that hit it dead on its eye.

I got out of its grasp and plunged my dagger into another shade. I saw a flurry of arrows rush into two. Hawke pushed down on another set and Fenris made short work of them.

"More coming!" Hawke shouted from the foyer. I rushed down and jumped onto a shade's back before sinking my dagger in its eye. It melted into the floor and I did a round house kick on another one that was behind me. Fenris got that one. Three more were pushed down. Sebastian and Varric took those out. Another four came out of the shadows and we all came into the middle, everyone watching each other's backs. Hawke slammed down her staff, exerting a push outward, and all the shades went flying away. Sebastian and Varric worked together on killing them in one shot. Fenris and I went ahead and use our respective weapons to kill as well. Hawke made sure to heal us on occasion in case.

The battle was done. I let out a breath. Then I felt heat from behind me and a rage demon clawed my back. I cried out in pain. I felt the burns on my back. I heard Fenris give out a shout, fazing his sword through and then letting it become solid again. Sebastian and Varric also let out their arrows. The rage demon sunk back into the floor, gone. Hawke came over and laid a hand on me. I felt the welts go away and my skin tingled from the magic.

"Shit! I hope that didn't leave a mark. I'm attached to this armor." I whined, straining to feel where the rage demon clawed me.

"You need to be more careful." Fenris warned.

"I didn't see it!" I defended.

"Alright you two, save your marital spat for later." Hawke chuckled. I rolled my eyes and went to the desk that had papers. We were here to look for evidence.

"It is a thank you note for a shipment." Sebastian picked up a paper and read it.

"A shipment of what though? Body parts?" Hawke wondered, looking over his shoulder.

"It does not say unfortunately." Sebastian sighed.

"Then we need to keep looking." I replied. We went up the stairs into the main hall. More shades came from the shadows. Hawke pushed three into the wall while Sebastian and Varric let out their stream of arrows. I got another one in the eye and Fenris dug his sword into their chest area. I came up to a table that had another note.

"A message from Starkhaven. He was asking about a few missing mages but they didn't tell him anything." I read through.

"Do you think he was looking for help from another mage?" Varric asked.

"But for what I wonder?" Hawke rubbed her chin.

"We need more evidence." Fenris stated. We went past the main hall and into the other rooms. There was nothing. We went up some more stairs to the next level. I saw another note and read it.

"Meredith apologized for raiding his home?" Hawke wondered, reading it over my shoulder.

"He is a clever man if he truly is the killer. He gained the favor of Meredith." Fenris humphed. That wasn't all he-. We came to a door and I opened it.

"You there please help me! He's gone mad!" A woman cried out on the floor. Gaspard DuPuis was right in front of us. The-of the-who would-. He had his staff ready in his hands until the look of confusion took over him. Then realization.

"You…You're not him? Shit…I…I know what this looks like but I did no harm to her." Gaspard put away his staff.

"So her screaming in hysterics is just a show then?" Hawke crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow.

"No you don't understand. Someone is after her life and I had to keep her safe. I don't know what led you here but there is a killer out there! I think he's playing us both." Gaspard pleaded. Hawke and I gave each other a look. "Please let me explain."

"This I have to hear." Hawke chuckled.

"Go on. Mind you anything you say will be used against you in court." I mentioned.

"What?" Gaspard looked confused. I rubbed my face.

"I said. Go. On." I threatened.

"Of course." He cleared his throat and paced. "Several years ago, my sister was murdered. That son of a bitch has come back to Kirkwall, killing again and in the same way he killed my sister. He claims them by sending them white lilies. Alessa was going to be next. I took her so the only way he would get her was through me. I wanted to face my sister's killer. Now you have come along." He sighed, rubbing his face.

"He's lying. He hurt me!" Alessa whined.

"I have explained this to you before countless times! I needed your blood in case he took you so I could track you down. It was a precaution." Gaspard assured.

"Let me go!" Alessa wailed as she ran past us.

"No! She'll run to the city guard, everything I've worked for ruined!" Gaspard shouted.

"So Nia, what is your verdict?" Hawke asked.

"Sorry, I can't let you go." I glared.

"I can't end like this." He summoned four shades and took the staff from his back. I tackled him and plunged my dagger in his throat. I got back handed from a shade though and was thrown into Sebastian. I grunted and I got up, sinking my daggers into a Shade's back. The other two were taken care of by Hawke's push and Fenris stabbing through them with his sword.

More shades came out and I threw one over the balcony. I hit another with my knuckles to get away and I saw a score of arrows coming from its back. Hawke was hitting a shade with her staff before it was killed by Fenris.

"What if he was telling the truth?" Sebastian wondered.

"I have a feeling he was, at least about the white lilies." I looked at his body. If only because-.

"So you believed him but you killed him?" Sebastian asked indignantly.

"Blood mage. He summoned these demons. It was better to kill him anyway." I defended. "I'm going to have to tell Emeric that this was a dead lead. Time to head on home." Sebastian gave me a hard stare but relented. I gathered the notes anyway in case I could use them later. We got out of the estate and I went back home. Fenris gave me a confused look but I shook my head. There was no doubt my fear was showing on my face. I had to make sure to warn-. I'm not going to let this-.

9:34 Drakonis 8th

I woke up early and went over to the Hawke estate. Hawke would go to the morning prayer but Leandra sometimes stayed home. I went in and saw Bodahn.

"Oh your highness! Welcome to our abode. Unfortunately Mistress Hawke is not here at the moment." Bodahn apologized.

"I know. Is Leandra here?" I questioned.

"She should be in the reading room." Bodahn nodded.

"Worried lady." Sandal came up to hug me. I patted his head.

"Yeah, I am Sandal." I gave him a small return hug before I went upstairs. I passed into the reading room and I saw Leandra was reading in her chair.

"Good Morning Nia. To what I owe this visit?" Leandra asked.

"Leandra, I need to talk to you seriously." I sighed, sitting in front of her. She put down her book and gave me her attention. "I had to go ahead and help with an investigation with a serial killer. Unfortunately we didn't find them so they are still out there. We learned though that this killer chooses its victims by sending them white lilies." Leandra put down her book. "I need you to make sure to tell me if this happens."

"And what makes you think that this man will send lilies to me?" Leandra asked.

"I can't really explain it but it's a gut feeling that I have." I fidgeted with my gloves. I couldn't tell her-.

"But if a man sends me white lilies, what should I do?" Leandra looked worried.

"Send Bodahn over to my estate and do not go out under any circumstances. Send for me immediately. Do you understand me?" I asked. Leandra sighed and nodded.

"I understand Nia. Thank you for letting me know." Leandra patted my hands that were trembling.

"Of course." I nodded.

"Now let's get started on our training." Leandra clapped her hands.

"I'm going to have to skip on that. I have something to do in the Alienage." I got up.

"Go ahead then dear. I will make sure if any of the sort happens to me that you'll be the first to know." Leandra took her book to read again I nodded. I went out and I saw Hawke coming by with Sebastian in tow.

"Morning Nia. You're here early." Hawke chuckled.

"Just stopping by to say morning to your mom. I'm going down to the Alienage to meet Arinda." I said.

"You mean that cute girl with the pale eyes that glares at everyone?" Hawke laughed.

"That one yes." I smiled.

"Who?" Sebastian asked.

"You'll meet her one day." I nodded.

"No Fenris with you this time?" Hawke wondered.

"No he's still conked out." I laughed.

"You didn't happen to see Merrill did you?" Hawke asked.

"No why?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Carver is worried that she's constantly going to her old home to fix the eluvian, especially since she's so far along." Hawke sighed.

"Yeah, stairs aren't a pregnant woman's best friend." I shook my head.

"My brother must still be asleep for her to have slipped out. I'll need to get her then." Hawke followed me.

"Come along then." I led. I knew that Merrill was spending a lot of time with the Eluvian but she really needed to take care of herself. "I'm surprised to see you two together."

"It seems that Hawke gets herself into a lot of trouble. There are many chances to help those in need when I am around you two." Sebastian smiled.

"Glad to be of service!" Hawke chuckled and patted his shoulder. I rolled my eyes as we went down to Lowtown. There were people pushing their wares at us and I saw Hawke's friend Lady Elegant wave to us. The Alienage didn't become friendly to me but the immediately distrust already passed. Arinda made sure to tell everyone that I wasn't the cause of the attacks. They still glared at me when I came but I only came for Arinda now. I found her near the merchant's, pouting at a book I gave her a few weeks earlier.

"Hey Arinda." I ruffled her hair. She frowned.

"I told you I didn't like touching." She stuck her tongue out. "You haven't been here for a while now." She stated petulantly.

"I had a few things to do. I do protect Kirkwall you know?" I chuckled. She rolled her eyes.

"Well it looks like you have to protect someone else. Arianna was waiting for you. I can wait." Arinda said, going back to the book.

"Arianna wants me? For what?" I asked.

"How in the Void should I know? Go talk to her." Arinda said.

"What earth shattering thing must we do this time?" Hawke wondered.

"I don't know but let's go see." I knocked on Arianna's door. She opened it and she looked utterly exhausted.

"Oh thank Mythal you have come friend. There is an urgent matter that I need you to look after." Arianna grabbed my shoulders.

"Of course Arianna. What's the problem?" I tapped on Hawke and looked over to Merrill's old home. She nodded and she and Sebastian left.

"It's my son. His nightmares were getting worse and he has been sleeping for three days! He will not awaken! Marethari has told me that he is trapped in the fade. Please you have done so much for me. Don't let my boy be taken away as well." Arianna said, sobbing into her hands. Then-.

"I will do my best. Where is Feynriel right now?" I asked.

"He is here. He has visited me but soon went into his slumber. I have called on Marethari. She knows of an ancient Dalish ritual that can send a few to the fade but it can only work if it's someone that Feynriel trusts." Arianna explained.

"I understand. Please give me some time to gather the people to send into the fade." I calmed her down.

"Please hurry. I don't think my son will hold on much longer." Arianna shook. The worry made her age ten times. I completely understood how it would feel to see your children in pain with something you couldn't understand.

"Dar'atisha Arianna. We will save your son." I nodded.

"Thank you your highness." Arianna sighed. I nodded. I went over to Merrill's old home. She wasn't in her usual living room. I went to her old bedroom and there she was, munching away on an apple, staring at the eluvian with Hawke next to her and Sebastian looking through a few books.

"At least you're eating." Hawke said, coming next to me.

"It's hard not to eat when I'm hungry all the time." Merrill giggled. "Andaran Atish'an Nia!"

"Hey Merrill. Working on that Eluvian aren't you?" I sighed, shaking my head.

"It's nearly complete!" Merrill giggled, rubbing her belly.

"She tells me she needs one more thing for it to be complete. You want to help me with that?" Hawke asked.

"Later. I found another problem. You remember Feynriel?" I wondered.

"The odd mage boy we saved from slavers?" Hawke raised her eyebrow.

"Yes. Arianna told me that he's stuck in a dream. She wants our help to save him." I said.

"A dream? You mean the fade?" Sebastian questioned.

"Yes. We'll need to go into the fade to retrieve him." I explained.

"The fade is no place for a mortal man. I am sorry Hawke but I will not be able to accompany you or your group this time." Sebastian said.

"That's fine Sebastian. Who do you think we should take?" Hawke asked.

"Oh I would love to go!" Merrill raised her hand.

"No Merrill, you stay for your child. Anders should come as well as Fenris and Aveline. They have resolute hearts. I don't think they'll fall for any temptation in the fade." I said. Not really true. No matter who I take-. I preferred those that can watch my back though.

"Good, go and get them then. I'll help Merrill out of here." Hawke nodded.

"But I'm so close Hawke!" Merrill whined.

"Yes I know but Carver will flip his gourd if he finds you here again without him." Hawke helped Merrill up.

"He just worries so much about me. I need to go out and walk sometimes. The baby needs it." Merrill rubbed her belly with a smile.

"She's right on that you know." I chuckled. "I'll go get everyone." Of course I knew, as I was walking that-. Only Anders would not fall. He has Justice inside of him to make sure of that. I'm not sure I wouldn't fall but I wouldn't know until we went into the fade. What happened there…wasn't what I thought was going to happen.

I went up to Hightown again, trying my best to get up the stairs as quickly as possible. Feynriel couldn't wait any longer. We had to get him out. I ran the usual way. Amazing that I was able to memorize all the paths to know which way was the quickest to the mansion. I opened the door and went up the stairs.

"That was quick." Fenris looked up from his book.

"I'm going to need your help Fenris." I said.

"Is the world ending again?" Fenris smirked.

"Very likely." I nodded.

"What do you need of me?" Fenris chuckled.

"Do you remember that boy Feynriel that we saved some years back?" I asked.

"The one that you told to go to the Dalish?"

"Yes, he's stuck in his dreams. His mother asked me to save him. In doing so, we'll need to go into the fade. I don't think you're the type to get tempted by demons." Of course that was a-.

"I would kill myself first." Fenris huffed.

"Good. Let's go. We also have to pick up Aveline. She would be good to have around as well." I said. Fenris got his armor and his sword.

"Are you sure you will not be tempted?" He asked.

"Oh trust me, there is nothing that a demon can give me that I don't have already." I said confidently. We went into the Viscount Keep where I saw Aveline doing a few papers.

"Nia, Fenris. What do I owe this visit?" She shuffled a few papers around.

"Aveline, I need your help. Someone has asked me to save their son." I said.

"I can get a few of my men to-" She offered.

"It's not a physical saving. It's a, well, to put it plainly the boy is stuck in his own dream and we need to get him out." I interrupted. Aveline gave me a confusing glance before looking at Fenris.

"A ritual to go into the fade and save him." Fenris described.

"I think you are another person who won't be tempted by the demons in the fade." Yeah, no. No one can-.

"You hold me to high standards. I'm not sure if I'll be big help in the fade but I'll join you." Aveline agreed. "I needed an excuse to get away from all of this paperwork."

"Awesome. Fenris, Aveline, go to the Alienage. There's one more person I need to pick up." I went out of the Viscount Keep toward Lowtown. From there I took the lift down to Darktown. Anders has Justice. He won't be taken in by the demons. I glared at any thug that came near me. They always thought that just because I'm a woman with bright armor meant that I was an easy target. A few broken fingers made it clear I wasn't one to mess around with. It didn't stop all of them but most of them.

I saw the lit lanterns of Anders' office and went inside. For once Anders was feeding the cats instead of tending to patients. Anders' face lit up when he saw me.

"Nia. You haven't been around." He came up to ruffle my hair.

"I know. Listen, I need your help." I motioned him to follow me.

"Where, when, and why?" Anders said, picking up his staff and following me out.

"And this is why I love you so much. The Alienage, now, and Feynriel needs to get saved. He's been stuck in a dream for three days." I explained.

"Anymore and his body will waste away." Anders nodded.

"Yeah. You won't get tempted by the demons in case they are there." I smiled.

"I know I won't but will you?" He worried.

"Have some faith in me Anders." I laughed. We went up the lift and headed toward the Alienage. Hawke, Aveline, and Fenris were all gathered.

"Why is he here?" Fenris glared.

"She asked me." Anders smirked. I rolled my eyes.

"Don't start. Where's Arianna?" I asked.

"She went over to the Dalish camp and to ask for Marethari." Hawke said.

"Are you sure about doing this Nia? If we go into the fade, won't we be helpless?" Aveline asked.

"Just don't make any deals with demons and you'll be fine. Feynriel is stuck in a dream. As long as we find the points to break the dream and the demon or demons that are holding him there, we'll be all right." I nodded.

"Your experience is kicking in right now." Hawke smirked.

"What can I say? I've had a lot of them." I chuckled haughtily.

"What happened to Feynriel?" Arinda came up to us.

"Nothing that you would like to know." Fenris glared. I swear I wanted to laugh so hard but kept it in. Anders did snort as they had their glare off.

"You can't keep things like this away for long. People talk, make up rumors that cause problems, small communities tend to gossip. It's best to tell me so I may dismayed anyone who tries to come up with shitty rumors." Arinda reasoned.

"Feynriel is stuck in a dream. We're here to help him." I explained. Arinda's brow furrowed.

"Why can't he get out?" Arinda asked.

"He is…a special type of Mage" I told Arinda.

"Oh… Maybe he is talking to the spirits… Or demons. Will he die?" Arinda questioned.

"Not if we have anything to do with it." I said with conviction. It wasn't long before I saw Marethari come down the steps and the city elves bowing to her. Arinda rolled her eyes and huffed. She turned on her heels and left. City elves either greatly admired the Dalish or disliked them.

"Andaran Atish'an Nia." Marethari nodded.

"Andaran Atish'an Keeper." I bowed slightly. Arianna was right behind her and we went inside Arianna's home. Feynriel was in a separate room. His face contorted and he had small spasms.

"I came as quickly as I can Arianni. Your son's situation is far graver than what you expected. The magic he possesses is rare and powerful. The Tevinters would call him a 'somniari,' a dreamer. Dreamers are powerful mages that can control the Beyond, or what humans call 'the Fade.' He is the first in two generations to survive." Marethari described.

"A dreamer?" Hawke wondered.

"Dreamers have the ability to go into the fade without lyrium. They can shape the fade as they wish, go into other dreams of different people, take people who can't go into dreams to the fade at will, or even shape the outside world from the fade." I explained.

"It is as she says. We should not waste time here. His childhood home will be his anchor once we begin the ritual. Come Nia, Hawke. We must prepare." Marethari led us to another room.

"Nia you know much about the dreamers and of their power…" Marethari warned. I sighed.

"What? What aren't you telling me?" Hawke asked.

"A dreamer…can become a very powerful abomination if a demon is allowed to enter him." I said gravely.

"The destruction he could cause would be endless. If it comes to it, you must slay him in the fade. Doing this would make him become what your people call 'Tranquil.' He will not be able to use magic anymore." Marethari explained.

"But we can also make him see his power and let him try to control it." I urged.

"It is a thought but you know the consequences should that not happen." Marethari gave me a hard stare.

"We'll save Feynriel first Marethari." Hawke agreed with me.

"Then I shall leave it in your hands." She sighed. We went back out where everyone was waiting.

"Are you sure about this Nia?" Aveline asked.

"No time to back out, unless you really want to. There's the door right there. I'm not forcing anyone to go through this if they don't want to." I offered.

"It's better if we do it here and now than later." Anders said.

"Good. Sit comfortably somewhere. You will all need to be asleep for this." Marethari explained. I sat on a chair near the table while the others got comfortable elsewhere. My eyes began to feel like lead. I rested my head in my arms and soon I was out.

When I opened my eyes it was a familiar scene. That sense of belonging came to me. A true sense of home, where I'm supposed to be. It was heartbreaking the sorrow I felt for not being able to stay here but I knew these weren't my real memories. I flexed my hands. I came in with my armor and my daggers. Good. I looked around and saw the others come as well.

"This is…the fade? It's so…odd." Aveline said.

"We must be careful here." Fenris said, looking at his hand, and testing his great sword.

"Ah the wondrous world of the fade! I can't remember the last time I was here." Hawke chuckled.

"The Fade." A voice bellowed. We all stepped back. Anders was glowing.

"Anders?" Hawke wondered.

"Justice. It's been a long time." I smiled. Justice stared at me. He took a few steps toward me and held my face in his hands, turning me from side to side.

"Spirit. My friend." His voice became softer.

"You have weird friends." Aveline chuckled.

"It's good to see you too Justice." I patted his hands. "Unfortunately we're going to have to cut this reunion short. We have a job to do." I said, taking away his hands.

"Yes Spirit. It has been a long time since I have traversed the fade. The machinations of your world still confound me to this day." Justice's voice boomed.

"I'll admit the non-changing world is kinda annoying." I laughed.

"Come. Let's go and find Feynriel." Hawke said, tugging on my arm.

"Coming." We were in what looked like to be the Templar barracks. When we went into what looked like the courtyard we were met with a Sloth demon.

"Well it is odd to see two forgotten magicks in one day. The fade is usually a slow place, not many surprises. This one has potential but I could always make an exception." It slurred.

"This is a demon of Sloth. It will make your mind forget your purpose and your pride. Do not relax around it." Justice warned.

"We should not relax around any demons…" Fenris mumbled.

"I am Torpor. I have a proposition that might interest you." It said.

"Um no, I don't work with demons." Hawke shook her head.

"Pity." It sent out a wave of magic that sent everyone minus Justice and I down. I took out my daggers and rushed it, plunging my dagger into its shining eye. It threw me off. Justice caught me and set me down. He let out a wall of ice that impaled Torpor. Two other shades were behind us. Hawke and the others were fighting them. I ran, jumped, and sunk my daggers into one shade. The other was knocked back by Aveline and Fenris cut it in half.

"That won't be the last one to try to give us a deal. Let's look around." I suggested.

"His mind his weakening." Justice warned.

"I know that Justice." We went up some stairs and found a door. I opened it. Soon I was awash with light blue light. I was Arianni. I saw Vincento, Feynriel's father, teaching him how to write.

"There, hard on the downstroke and then up. Good, you are learning well. Soon you will be scribing all my letters. If I had known you were such a talented boy, I would have brought you into the business years ago." Vincento chuckled. I scowled.

"Does this mean I can go with you to Antiva father? Mother said maybe this summer, right mother?" Feynriel looked at me. I had to speak carefully.

"Your father never wanted anything to do with you Feynriel. He abandoned you." My voice sounding like Arianni.

"Then you're lying to me." Feynriel looked at Vincento.

"Do not listen to her son. She has always been ashamed of you. She didn't want you. She wanted you gone so she can go back to the Dalish I am the only one who loves you." Vincento tried to implant the thought in Feynriel but he shook his head.

"But…I don't have any memories of you." Feynriel said weakly.

"He is tricking you Feynriel. He wants something from you." I tried to make him see.

"What…? No, I remember now. I was always waiting for you when I was a child." Feynriel got up from his seat.

"Do not-" The image of his father wavered.

"No. My mother loves me. She constantly wrote to you and showed me the letters. You never responded! And it was mother who taught me to write, not you. Who are you?" Feynriel interrupted.

"Don't…question…" Vincento shined and soon it was a desire demon in front of us. "me." Feynriel shouted and ran out of the dream. The room was bathed in light and I saw the others behind me.

"What happened?" Aveline asked.

"Fade stuff." I said.

"You…you turned him away from me." The Desire demon purred.

"Yes and I am truly sorry for that." I said flatly.

"Do not speak to it." Fenris snapped.

"The boy…I was interested in him but you…you are much more different than he. Such…power…so much desire." The demon purred. I crossed my arms.

"There's nothing you can do to tempt me." I huffed.

"Is that so? You wish to go home, you wish for your family to be returned to you. Your spirit isn't doing its job." The Desire demon purred. The weight in my stomach flopped to the ground. My face would grow pale if it was the living world.

"What is it talking about?" Fenris wondered.

"She is a spirit." Justice nodded toward me.

"I'm not a spirit Justice." I argued.

"Isn't this…what you desire?" The Desire demon waved her hand.

"There is-" I started.

"Ma!" My heart grew cold. The desire demon stepped back and two little children were behind her. I took a step back. "Ma! Mamí!" My son and my daughter. They looked just like that vision I had back in the Temple of Sacred Ashes. They giggled as they ran up to me.

"Do not let it tempt you!" Justice shouted. I felt them as they hugged me.

"Baby." I shook my head. My husband was right there. "It's time to go home."

"Vamos ma!"

"Let's go!"

"This is what you desire. I can give it to you." The desire demon purred.

"Nia!" Hawke shouted. I put my hands on their heads and they gave me their dimply smiles.

"You dare…you…dare…HOW DARE YOU!" I screamed. The rage burst forth as I felt the energy inside of me engulf me completely. My eyes filled with light and my back felt free. I let out a roar of anger, launching myself at the desire demon. It had a face of 'Oh crap' when I grabbed it by the throat. I let out another roar as I threw her into the wall, it made a huge dent. It bounced out, trying to get away from me. I was having none of it. I grabbed it by the leg and tossed it around like a rag doll. The power flowed from me but it was wrong. I wanted that demon to hurt, I wanted it to suffer. This wasn't what my power was supposed to be used for but it felt so good!

I made cracks in the ground, dents, everything was breaking and hovering in midair as I completely destroyed the room and the demon with it. I panted heavily as the demon was long since dissipated out of existence. I felt that energy come back to me sluggishly. I felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders as that energy left. I fell to my knees. That was wrong. That was wrong! I should never use my power in malice!

I looked to my friends. Justice was in between me and them. I saw on their faces pure horror. My chest grew tight. I did this. I was a monster. My breath quickened. I can't be here. I needed to run. I needed to run.

I held my head in my hands, curled in on myself, and let out a sob.

"I'm sorry." Their faces were burned into my memory. I wanted out. I asked for it.

Ask and you shall receive.

I felt a push from my being. Golden light came over me.

I opened my eyes and felt the rise of blood in my throat.

I was back in the real world.

* * *

 **Well...emotional chapter no? muhahah! Beta'd by FearaNightmare :3 So I will have a double update since I'll be gone for a month after the 21st. One update on the 20th and the next on the 21st. Also I'm closing the poll. The NSFW content will stay but I will have a warning before hand and make a marker so others can skip it.**

 **Pinkstalker23:** _I don't see too much hate on Sebastian on the site just more 'What will it take to break his chastity vow' you know? But there are a lot of conflicting feelings for a lot of characters in DA2 if only because almost everyone is a hypocrite._  
 **OnkelJo:** _Aww! I hope you feel better!  
_ **Chimera Spyke:** _Things can be changed but there will always be consequences that will be fulfilled once it is done.  
_ **Ariel Wild:** _I always try to make things awesome and fantastic!_  
 **Taffy and Sweetrolls:** _I hope my reply helped!  
_ **EG:** _Don't worry, there will be warnings._

 **Please Review!**


	35. A Knife to Twist

9:34 Drakonis 8th

I gasped. Marethari looked at me with confusion as I ran out of there. I clung to the spiked fence outside and vomited blood. I felt the blood come from my nose as well. I left a bloody trail on the wall. I had to breathe but it grew difficult. I saw Arinda run over to me as I wiped the blood off as well as I could.

"What happened?" Arinda asked with a worried glance to the blood. I shook my head.

"Just...a nightmare." I spat out some more blood.

"Nightmares don't make you hack up globs of bodily fluids." Arinda stated blandly.

"Arinda, please. I'll explain later but right now I really need to-" I gulped when I saw Marethari come out of the house. There were various emotions running her face but the main one was confusion.

"What happened? How did you force yourself out of the fade?" She questioned. Arinda had a puzzled look. I couldn't blame her, only mages could go in and out of dreams at will.

"I…I…" I sputtered out some blood and spat it out on the ground. Marethari glared at Arinda and she met her with her own. "Arinda, I need to talk to her."

"Not with the way you are." Arinda defended.

"I swear I will explain it all later but you need to go home, please." I begged. Arinda bit her lip before tentatively going back home. Marethari put her hand on my head and I felt the cool energy of healing magic.

"You are…not human." Marethari deduced with sympathy. I felt the tears come out of my eyes. I shook my head. "You have a spirit inside of you but…you are different, two inside the same body but you are absorbing the spirit inside of you."

"What?" My eyes widened.

"You are turning more into a spirit, a piece of your soul is transforming. You also have some power over the fade. I am…stunned. This is something I have never seen before." Marethari breathed out. More questions in the pile.

"Is it…bad?" I asked softly.

"I do not know. This…is no sort of magic I have ever encountered. We will speak more of this later." Marethari assured, giving me her water skin. I used it to clean off the blood from my face and from my mouth. I gave it back to her and she went back into Arianni's home. I leaned against the wall, trying to breathe before heading through the alleys. I found a small shack and knocked. Arinda opened it with a frown.

"Is that Dalish woman gone?" She glared.

"Yes. Can I come in?" I asked. Arinda nodded and let me. It was small but perfect for her. It took some convincing on my part to at least buy the materials to construct it. The rest of the Alienage came together to build it for her.

"Why did you cough up blood? Did a demon appear or-" Arinda started before I put a hand to stop her. The elf pouted. I exhaled softly.

"Arinda...I'm different from others." I sighed.

"You're not a mage are you?" She asked. I shook my head.

"A long time ago...I was near a fade rift. An abomination came out and nearly killed someone I really cared for. I took the killing blow and I died." I explained.

"You don't look very dead to me..." Her voice was skeptical. I chuckled softly at her comment.

"No. A spirit came through the Veil and saved me. A part of that spirit resides in me now. It's the reason why I was able to get out of Feynriel's dream without being a mage. A part of the spirit is still in the fade and makes things...twist around me. I'm not entirely certain of what parts of me changed. I used to be able to talk to the spirit but now...I can't. If you don't want to see me ever again I under-"

"That is awesome! So does this mean you can control the spirit!? Can you blow shit up with your mind- not shit but you know other shit! Can you use magic? Oh wait, no I would have noticed that but that's amazing! So does it exist inside of you? Can you bring it out?" Arinda talked fast and gleefully. I tried not to curl up in relief. I was an adult, I had to react in an adult way.

"I could tell you about that later." I laughed weakly.

"... You look really pale. If you want you can stay here" Arinda looked worried. I patted her head.

"I need to go home. I lost a lot of blood and I need to drink something. Don't get yourself in trouble." I smiled, trying not to let her show how I was feeling inside. She was too intuitive. It looked like she wanted to say something but nodded. I went out. The others weren't outside yet.

I debated whether I should stay there or not to wait for them.

I chose not to.

I couldn't bear looking at them again. I nearly ran all the way back into Hightown. I was breathing heavily by the time I shut myself in my room. I held my head in my hands, nearly pulling my hair out. I threw off my armor, feeling that the weight was suffocating me.

My secret was out. My secret was out and I am a monster to them. They know! They all know! I began to hyperventilate.

I felt true fear then. Hawke and Varric accepted me reluctantly. They are my friends now and have accepted me for what I was but Fenris? Aveline? They'll hate me, they'll fear me.

I was scared. I was so scared.

I closed the door and leaned against it. My breaths coming in quickly and I couldn't calm down. My vision wavered. I slid down and I sat there on the floor. My mind racing through scenarios after scenarios. Their horror filled faces, the rage I felt in my core when I saw the Desire demon twist what I wanted most in this world. I choke out a sob which turned into a coughing fit. I tried to regulate my breathing. I took deep breaths to steady myself.

Then I heard the front door slam open, my heart dropping to the floor, my breath hitched as fear coursed through my veins.

"I know you are in here abomination!" It cut through my core.

"She is not an abomination!" I heard Anders yell.

"Fenris calm down and let us-" Hawke started.

"How long have you two known about this!?" Fenris shouted.

"Take that sword away from my face or so help me-!" Hawke nearly screamed.

"I can't believe you would side with it. I should have known better." I heard Fenris growled. I clutched at my chest, a stabbing pain ripped through it and my wrists. My heart was breaking.

"Put it away now Fenris!" Anders shouted.

"You have no right to command me!" Fenris yelled.

"Fenris, put down your sword!" Aveline warned. I stood up shakily, my legs trembled, tears on the edge of falling. It hurt. It hurt so much. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to fade away but I couldn't let this happen. I had to try.

"Have you known as well!?" Fenris accused.

"I didn't know anything now, put it down!" Aveline yelled. I opened the door and took a steadying breath. I wiped the few tears from my eyes and walked out.

"I will not, not until it-!" I saw all of them in the main hall. Fenris with his greatsword out. Aveline ready to stop him, her hand on her sword. Hawke's hands were clenched and Anders with his staff in his hand.

"I'm here." I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my skin, walking from my room, my feet feeling like lead, toward them. I stopped at the top of the stairs. Aveline glared and unsheathed her sword. Anders ran between the stairs leading up to me and them.

"Do not touch her!" Anders defended.

"She needs to die!" Fenris roared. It was getting hard to breath as more pains wracked my body through the emotional hurt.

"You don't know the whole story!" Hawke shouted.

"I don't care. She is an abomination and will be slain by my hand!" Fenris readied his sword. I took one step down.

"Fenris we need to talk about this. Put it away!" Aveline commanded. Two more steps.

"I will not let you kill her!" Anders shouted and I saw the slight glow from him.

"Anders you aren't making this easier!" Hawke snapped. I was almost at the bottom. Fenris growled and rushed toward me. Anders glowed and took his staff glowed as he summoned magic. I ran in between them and summoned my power again. I felt that release as I held Anders' staff in one hand and Fenris' sword in the other. My vision became tunnel like and I felt my back burn. Fenris' eyes were wide as well as Aveline's and Hawke's. Fenris' body glowed as he tapped into the power of his tattoos. His sword tried to fade but I was able to grasp it.

I let that power inside of me…eat it. The fazing fizzled out and his tattoos shined less. Fenris gave out a gasp of shock and put distance in between us. His fazing power gone and my own felt heightened. I took some of the lyrium for my own power. I couldn't keep this up for long. My chest burned as well as my back. I felt that power ebb away. It didn't feel wrong this time. I protected them from themselves.

I stared at Aveline and Fenris as the glow from me broke away.

I also felt my eyes drip with blood, my nose blowing out blood, and the blood dribbling from my mouth.

Aveline and Fenris looked with horror as it came out.

"Nia!" Hawke screamed as I collapsed on my knees and violently coughed up blood. I strained for breath as I felt Anders' hand go over my eyes. I wheezed as I felt him healing me. It wasn't as good as Talen though. He could heal inside of me. Anders' couldn't. I continued wheezing until Anders stopped to give me a potion. I drank it all and my insides felt better for it.

"What…are you?" Fenris asked quietly. The look in his eyes tore me apart.

"A…monster." I whispered.

"Nia you are not-" Anders started.

"This is what happens when a spirit and a human mix together." I groaned, holding my head and wiping the blood from my face. I only smeared it across my nose. This world didn't feel right. I felt better in the fade.

"That can't be unless you are a mage." Fenris growled, taking his sword again.

"Which she is not. We had her tested against Templars and other mages. She is no mage. She can't control the fade and she has no mana." Anders countered, rubbing my back soothingly. I felt the magic surrounding him. He was ready to attack if need be.

"It's true. She has a link to the fade because of the spirit inside of her but she can't shape it like I can." Hawke explained, stepping near me.

"What kind of mage would force a spirit inside of a normal human?" Fenris wondered.

"It was no mage. I was always protected by my spirit. My mother…sent it to me." I started softly. I stared at the pool of my blood. You could hear a pin drop. "I died back in Soldier's Peak. An abomination crushed my chest completely. The veil was weak there and my spirit of protection came out. He said that he had enough energy to…give me back my life."

"What!?" Aveline exclaimed.

"It wasn't the first time this has happened. My friend also had a spirit of faith resurrect her as well. A piece of the spirit resides in me. I can…use its power to strengthen myself but…my body can't handle it, not to its full potential anyway. It healed me and it brought me back to life. I have a permanent connection to the fade because of it." I struggled to stand. I wobbled on my feet and felt woozy. I wiped away the tears. I looked like a mess.

"That's why my spells are easier to cast around her and our healing spells cost nearly no mana when we heal her." Hawke described.

"But…you are not human." Aveline stated. I looked at her with guilt, looked away at the floor, and shook my head.

"No…and I haven't been for many years, at least not a full human. A piece of my soul is now a spirit. What that makes me…I don't know. Maybe a freak? A monster? An abomination…" I clenched my teeth.

"Nia you are none of those things." Anders gripped my shoulders to comfort me.

"Then what is that power you bring forth? What you used it for in the fade was not the same as here." Fenris said. I couldn't look up. I stared at the blood on the floor slowly coagulating.

"It's a spirit of protection. I use its power to protect. Anything else…and it twists it just like how Anders' anger twisted Justice, my anger can twist it as well…if I allowed it. Good thing I'm not an angry person." I chuckled softly. I touched my chest. There was no feeling even after all this time. "I protect people. That's what I do. That's what I've always done even without the spirit. I…lost control in the fade. I used this power in malice!" I hitched a sob. I couldn't lost control of my feelings. I clenched my fists and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I hated myself for it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I bit my lip.

"Are you going to lose control like that again?" Aveline asked.

"If I do, kill me." My voice broke.

"Nia!" Anders raised his voice.

"Anders I'm a monster." I pushed him away.

"You are not a monster. You lost control but you stepped back when you saw us! You stepped back when you saw Talen and Eren back in the Deep Roads! You told me that! You know who we are in that form and I know you will never harm us!" Anders tried to convince me.

"I can't take that chance. I saw how my anger transformed this into…if I lose control and I attack you…kill me." I let that hang. It felt cold inside. I heard Fenris sheath his sword and Aveline sighed.

"You two should also be ashamed of yourselves." Hawke snapped.

"This is not the time Hawke." Aveline pinched her nose bridge.

"Oh really? Because from what I saw she killed the demon that tempted her while you two here accepted their offers. And you Fenris are the worst of all. Your 'master' and all the Tevinter mages use demons and accept their bribes. Now, you are no better than them." Hawke accused.

"Leave him alone." I said softly.

"Ha! And look she still protects you and defends you! Even after you said you were going to kill her!" Hawke shouted and pointed at him. He looked away in shame. "Name me one time, one time, that she ever did you wrong, either of you!" Hawke cried out.

"Hawke that's enough." I sobbed, grabbing at my clothes. I wanted this to stop.

"No Nia. You might not defend your position but I am. Anders you be quiet, you are only making this worse. Nia has done so much for everyone, not just us! Look at what she has done for your guardsmen Aveline, look at what she's done for you Fenris, look at this house! Yes she kept this from you but for a good reason! She never wanted either of you to see her as a monster which she is not! She is no demon. She is nobler than all of us combined! I stand by her…because she is my friend. I'd like to see either of you be able to say that with a straight face." Hawke walked over to me, took out a handkerchief, froze it, and let it thaw. She raised my face and started to wipe the blood away. "You looked beautiful you know in a scary kind of way. You have wings and you glow like the sun. You are no demon to me."

A surge of relief went through my body. That sweet and light forgiveness in her face...That was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.

-/-

I'm only doing this because you asked me to Nia. Bear with me, I hate Fenris and that won't change but…you deserve to know what happened afterward.

Nia let out a sigh and dropped. I managed to grab her before she truly fell to the ground. Andraste she was heavy.

"Nia." Hawke gasped.

"Don't worry. This was probably caused by all the blood she lost. She'll be fine." I explained. I carried her, resting her head against my chest as I cradled her like a child. It was hard to imagine something so small to be so strong and so fragile.

"Exactly why does that happen?" Fenris asked as he looked at the blood.

"Her spirit is not like Justice." I managed to carry her away from the blood. "It is like comparing a candle to a blaze. Justice is strong but her spirit is on a different level. That's the problem. She can lightly control if but when she lets it out, wings and all, it damages her body from the inside out. I hate that she uses it but she goes through the pain in order to save everyone she can." She looked peaceful in my arms, the way it should be.

"And why the wings?" Aveline wondered. I stayed silent, looking at Nia as she breathed evenly.

"Vigil's Keep. I was in the city of Amaranthine when it was attacked by darkspawn. Nia stayed back to defend Vigil's Keep along with the other Grey Wardens. They fought valiantly until the army came. Sigrun…died as well as Seneschal Varel. The soldiers tell me of a guardian that descended and killed off most of the army single handedly, a guardian with two glowing wings with a halo around their head. That was Nia." I explained.

"I've heard of that battle and of the rumors of the spirit." Aveline said.

"That was Nia. I wasn't there but my friend Talen found her surrounded by darkspawn bodies. She was sitting down on the ground, a greatsword with her, and wings sprouting from her back. She took one look at Talen and her energy faded away. Talen told me she nearly died, again, if it wasn't for him. After that, she has scars on her back. The energy burned on her back, marking her. I have a feeling the more the spirit and her become one, the more it begins to surface whenever she transforms." I let them absorb the information as I carried Nia back to her room. I laid her down in her bed, taking off the blood soaked tunic she had. I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you Nia. I went back downstairs as everyone leaned against the wall, away from the blood soaked concrete.

"And we don't know any more than this?" Aveline asked. I put up my hands and scoffed.

"What do you expect? We barely know anything of the fade and spirits and demons. The ones that are gifted like spirit mediums are controlled and are rarely allowed to experiment because of their higher probability of them getting possessed. This is all we know and I'm still trying to figure out everything including Justice." I replied gruffly. Fenris glared but Hawke exhaled loudly.

"Well...this has been a riveting and tense experience but…I think this has been a long day and we need to rest. Let's go home, rest, and we will be able to think clearer and calmer in the morning." Hawke stressed. Aveline sighed and rubbed her face.

"Yes. I think you're right Hawke." Aveline agreed.

"Hawke, I need a favor. I need you to go into my clinic and grab me a few potions. Nia will need to drink these so that she can replace all the blood she lost. Which was a lot." I said, looking at the large pool of blood.

"Of course. Please don't kill each other while I'm gone." Hawke snapped, going out of the mansion with Aveline following suit, shaking her head. I glared at Fenris and he glared back.

"Slave."

"Mage."

"Why don't you just kill yourself?" I asked.

"That is a sin against the Maker himself." Fenris countered.

"Pft, you actually believe that?" I scoffed.

"There are worse things to believe in." He growled.

"Did you believe in her?" I snapped. Fenris looked away. "You were about to kill her."

"I wanted to for that moment. What I saw was the monster in the fade. I didn't see the broken woman afterward." He said softly, shuffling on his feet.

"You feel guilty don't you?" I admit I was enjoying this.

"Do not push me." Fenris clenched his teeth.

"You see that?" I pointed to the pool of blood. "That is your fault."

"She stopped you as well so do not put the blame on me." Fenris argued.

"You lived with her for three years. She has done so much for you and you were about to throw it all away for some small notion of fear!" I yelled.

"Yes and I will apologize when she wakes up." Fenris stated. I had a good retort, honest.

"You…you will what?" I wondered.

"…If what she says is true that this spirit is one of protection…I would like to believe in her." Fenris cleared his throat.

"…Are you serious? Say that again, I think my ears aren't functioning." I listened very carefully.

"I do not need to explain anything to you." And he shut himself off again. I swear Nia, how can you even live with him? Hawke came waltzing in with a small pack of my things.

"Here I am! Here you go Anders. I didn't know which kind you needed so I brought up a whole bunch. I see that you two haven't clawed your eyes out. Please don't, Nia will kill me if I allowed you two to kill each other." Hawke laughed, playing everything out with humor as she usually does.

"We won't, for now at least." I huffed, taking what she brought me.

"Wait, are you staying here?" Hawke wondered.

"Where else do you think I'll stay? Nia needs me to be right with her." I nodded. I am a healer first and foremost.

"You are not staying in her room." Fenris stepped toward me, grabbing my arm.

"I'm not going to do anything! We've slept together before." I shrugged him off. I wanted to fire blast him in the face. Oh he glared at me with hatred. Funny.

"Oh this I have to hear." Hawke laughed.

"It was...! I got drunk and I grabbed onto her and cuddled into her and she didn't move and we slept together! End of story, nothing came out of it or anything. Besides maybe a bump on my head when I fell off the bed." I rubbed my head, my face heating up. Hawke laughed and Fenris huffed.

"And here I thought only Nia got that red. Well, this has been a rather long day. I think I'm going over to my estate and sleep for the rest of the day tomorrow. Don't kill each other!" Hawke chuckled and happily strutted out the door.

"You are still not sleeping near her." Fenris snapped.

"Why do you care if I do?" I rolled my eyes.

"I do not trust you." Fenris growled.

"There's something I'm not surprised of." I mumbled.

"If you take advantage of her-"

"Says the elf that was going to kill her not a few hours ago." I interrupted.

"I said I would apologize for that! You are not going near her!" He raised his voice.

"Why are you so…?" I saw his face and it was a face I recognized easily since... "You are in love her." Fenris looked taken aback. He gaped before recovering quickly.

"I am not."

"You-"

"This conversation has ended." Fenris pushed past me, going up to his room and slamming the door.

"…Great."

Well, shit.

Oh Nia, I hope you wake up soon.

9:34 Drakonis 9th

Today was…surprising to say the least.

I woke up feeling like something rammed into me and left me for dead on the side of the road. I felt nauseous, my head was throbbing with a migraine, and my eyes were crusty from crying yesterday. There was also someone in my bed. I blinked a few times before realizing that Anders was sleeping next to me.

It was amazing how relaxed he looked when he slept peacefully. He was always thinking about what to do for other people and forgets about himself. I ran my hand through his stubble. I liked the scratchy feeling of it. He groaned, snuggling his face in the pillow before he opened his eyes. I think he was still half asleep because he hugged me close to him. It felt nice to be needed.

Then he did a little gasp, let go, and ended up falling on the floor. I chuckled when it was the same thing that happened in Amaranthine. He groaned and got up, holding his head. He shook it out and stood up.

"How are you feeling?" Anders groaned, rubbing his face.

"Like I got rammed by a bear and drank the worst they had to offer in the Hanged Man." I croaked.

"Here. Drink this, I'll get you some water." Anders gave me a potion and he came out of the room. I smiled and my face flushed.

"What was that noise?" I heard Fenris say from his room. I felt that flight or fight response kick in. The last thing I remembered was blacking out after Hawke stood up for me. I sat up quickly but the whole room spun and I got circles in my eyesight. I lost too much blood. I let out a groan and lied down again.

"I fell." I heard Anders say. I sipped at the potion he gave me and stared at the ceiling. I wanted to leave but I knew I wouldn't be able to, not with how weak I was. I wondered how I was going to face Fenris and Aveline. I wrapped the blanket around me and snuggled into my pillow. I heard a tap on the door. I closed my eyes. There was someone there.

"Nia." It was Fenris. I made no movements. I heard him sigh and leave. My eyes grew wet with fresh tears. I saw Anders come in and closed my door. He gave me a cup of water and I took it graciously.

"Sit up, slowly, slowly." Anders adjusted my pillows on the headboard so I could sit comfortably. "Drink the rest of this." I did as he instructed. He wiped a few of my tears away. I sniffled. "You're not going to be able to regain your fluid if you keep on crying." He chuckled.

"Sorry." I gulped down the water.

"Don't apologize." Anders sighed. I drank the rest of my water and my potion. Anders gave me a healing spell and my body felt better overall. It was my mind that was more or less cracked.

"What happened after my fainting spell?" I asked.

"Oh nothing really important. I wrote it in your journal." Anders smiled, patting my hand.

"You didn't read the previous entries did you?" I glared.

"No, no. I know how touchy you get about that. You rest while I go make you something to eat." He kissed the top of my head.

"This feels weird." I chuckled softly.

"What the resting part?" He wondered.

"Yeah. I'm not supposed to be weak like this." I reasoned.

"Truthfully after coughing up all that blood I'm surprised you're not dead. Be grateful you're only weak." Anders laughed.

"Is the blood still on the floor?" I asked.

"Yes, all of it." He leaned on the wall.

"I have to go-" I shuffled before he tsked me.

"No, no, and no. You are not going to go and clean it up now." He warned.

"Anders there's a huge puddle of blood in my house." I exclaimed.

"And it will get cleaned up eventually but you are more important than a blood stain on the concrete. Now rest, healer's orders." He crossed his arms. I scowled and he pinched my cheek.

"Wait, there isn't much in the kitchens. I haven't been able to stop by the market in a while." I explained.

"That's fine. Your pouch is in…this drawer! Oh I was right." Anders smirked.

"Lucky guess." I huffed.

"You still have that chest underneath your bed don't you?" He wondered.

"Yes I do. Oh and give Ser Pounce-a-lot his food. He should be hungry around now." I remembered.

"I'll make sure of that. I'm taking a few silvers. I'll be back." Anders kissed the top of my head. It was weird being fussed over like this but comforting. I leaned back. I needed a bath. What Anders didn't know, won't hurt him. I put my feet on the floor and slowly stood up. My legs felt wobbly and I was cold. I grabbed a change of clothes. I saw the doorway. It was now or never. I peeked and Fenris' door was open.

I took a breath. I wasn't going to be lying around as dirty as I was. I took a few silent steps. I will admit the no shoe or sock thing came in handy. The concrete was cold underfoot. I grabbed at the rail of the staircase and slowly went down. I swear my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I made it down without incident. I let out a breath and made my way toward the bathroom. I saw how much I coughed up from yesterday. The smell of iron was strong in the air.

I was tempted to clean it but I decided another time. I went over to the bath and made the warm water. I took off my clothes and soaked in the water. I let out a moan of pleasure. It felt so good. I washed my body with some lavender smelling soap and rinsed my hair. It was past my shoulder blades. I needed to cut it again.

I got out of the bath and dried myself before putting on my clothes. I put the towel around my shoulders to make sure my hair didn't wet my tunic. I opened the door an inch and saw nothing. I let out a sigh of relief and went out. As soon as I closed the bathroom door, Fenris came around the corner. I backed up into the door and I felt the blood rush out of my face. I had a sense of major vertigo but it passed as soon as I felt the door against my back.

My heart quickened when he saw me. I stared at the floor, my palms getting sweaty. I was paralyzed with fear. I knew I couldn't run or do anything quick or else the blood loss would make me faint again.

"Nia." He hesitated. I bit my lip. He walked closer to me. I pressed against the door some more. I wanted to fade away or faze away like he did. I wanted to run. I shut my eyes when I saw him walk in front of me. It was a tense silence. I had a primal fear in my chest. I wanted to run, to get away, I was scared.

"Are you…going to kill me?" I whispered.

"No." He replied. I let out a nervous chuckle.

"O-Oh." I sighed in relief. We had another tense silence.

"Why did you not tell me?" He asked quietly.

"Tell you…what?" I wondered.

"What you were?"

"Well it's not really dinner conversation. I can't just say 'Did you know that I'm not really a human? A spirit saved me from certain death and now I'm different, can you please pass the salt?' Yeah that would have been a great way to explain it." I scoffed.

"You had all this time to explain it to me." Fenris noted.

"Would it have made a difference? Wouldn't you have killed me either way? I'm an abomination." I whispered. I saw him clench his fists.

"…What hurt more was that you did not trust me. Did you not say I was your friend?" He wondered. Oh that hurt.

"…You are my friend. I care about you." I said softly.

"I know that now." He nodded.

"Did…you really mean that…when you came in?" My voice quivered. "That you…you wanted to…"

"I…was not in my right mind after being in the fade…I was filled with rage not just because of what you kept from me, but because Hawke was right. I accepted the demon's bribe. I was angry at myself and I took it out on you. I apologize. What I said was in the heat of the moment. It was not what I truly felt." Fenris confessed.

"Oh thank God." I whimpered, sliding to the floor. I sniffed again, the lump rising in my throat. "I thought you hated me…" I saw him kneel in front of me. He tipped my chin up but I kept my eyes closed. I was still afraid with tears falling down my cheeks.

"Nia…" Fenris pleaded. I bit my lip and I opened my eyes. Fenris looked tired and worried. "I have never hated you." My face flushed slightly. He was really close again and he was staring at me intently. His eyes searched for something and his fingers lingered on my chin.

"What are you doing?" I got startled when I heard Anders and stood up too quickly. My eyes lost their vision for a second and I stumbled but Fenris caught me. "Ugh! What did I tell you about resting?" Anders said with frustration. I blinked and my vision returned.

"I wanted a bath." I pouted.

"Andraste preserve me. Let her go, she needs to rest." Anders glared.

"I will take her to her room." Fenris brought me closer to him. My face tried to flush but it only made the room spin.

"No. More than likely you'll poke her with one of your spikes and she'll bleed again. I don't trust you with her." Anders argued.

"Anders…" I stressed.

"I'm sorry but I don't." Anders took me away from him. I was secretly grateful for it. If Anders didn't find us sooner…I can't even imagine what would have happened. Well I could and my stomach made flips just thinking about it but no! Self-control! Anders grabbed my shoulders to steady me and we walked slowly back to my room. He helped me up the stairs and made me lay down in my bed again.

"I'm sorry." I sighed.

"It's ok. You need your rest. I'm going to cook for you." Anders smiled and nodded.

"I guess it would be a bit much if I asked you to make extra for Fenris right?" I chuckled weakly.

"He's a grown man, he can take care of himself." Anders huffed, going out of the room. I chuckled. Then I remembered how Fenris stared intently at me…my face heated up and I put a pillow on my face.

Stop feeling like a love-struck teenager!

* * *

 **Next update on the 21st and then a month wait! :D Beta'd by FearaNightmare!**

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 **OnkelJo:** _Awesome that you're going through progress in your story! :D I took inspiration on the whole fight scene when the Hulk throws Loki around in Avengers lol_  
 **Augustus Featherwing:** _It's the fade. They went into Feynriel's dream :3_

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	36. Recovery and Hope

9:34 Drakonis 9th

"Make sure you drink this one in the morning and, if your weakness persists, drink this one at night. Please eat as much as you can as well as drink. You need to get more fluids in you…" Anders explained a few potions while I was in bed.

"When you put it that way Anders it sounds dirty." I smirked.

"Yes because I'm waiting to make you filthy." Anders said flatly. I laughed. "Just make sure to get plenty of rest. I'll mention to Hawke to leave you out of her jobs for the moment." Anders got up from his seat.

"But!" I whined, getting up slightly.

"No buts. Now lay down and rest." Anders pushed me back down.

"Fine." I huffed. He laughed.

"Good girl. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you." Anders kissed the top of my head. Ser Pounce-a-lot was in my lap and meowed when Anders scratched his ears. Anders left and I was left in my room. There was nothing else to do besides some light reading. I got the horror book from the top of my desk. I lit a candle, since it was now dark outside, and started to read again.

Scratch, scratch sounded the claws of the fear demon behind the closet door. The child looked in horror as the doorknob wobbled to and fro. The door clicked and the door whined as it opened. One by one the fingers wrapped around the door, long, spindly, sharpened bones held together by the flimsiest of meat.

I have come for you.

"Nia." Fenris suddenly came in my room.

"Wah!" I screamed. Ser Pounce-a-lot jumped and went underneath the bed. My heart was going to bounce out of my chest one of these days. "Jesus Christ Fenris, you almost gave me a heart attack." I was about ready to chuck the book at his head. He chuckled.

"You are still on that book?" He wondered.

"I…well sometimes it scares me a lot so I have to put it down." I grumbled bashfully, my face flushing. He pulled up a chair and sat down to read a book that was familiar to me. "You have my book."

"It is interesting." Fenris lightly shrugged.

"It had ok sales, not as much as Varric's Hard in Hightown." I chuckled. "I mean, it is my first book and all." I fidgeted nervously. "Is it, you know, good?"

"It is interesting. The romance is very slow, it builds, it is almost disappointing at times but they are a mage and Templar." Fenris gave me his honest opinion.

"I wouldn't think you'd be into something like that." I said honestly.

"How could I not? It is your book and I would think you want my opinion on it. You did after all teach me how to read." Fenris smirked. I giggled bashfully.

"So what else did you think?" I asked.

"They go through many hardships." Fenris chuckled.

"It builds character and makes the romance that much sweeter when they pull through in the end." I nodded.

"The inclusion of a mage-Templar war was surprising." Fenris commented. Of course that-.

"I thought that might interest you. You're not done with it are you?" I wondered.

"This is the third time I am reading it..." Fenris confessed.

"Wow, you want an autograph or something?" I chuckled. He held the book out to me. "Seriously?"

"You offered." Fenris smirked.

"Give me my quill and ink then." I opened the book and that giddy excitement settled into my stomach. My first autograph. "To my favorite elf, Fenris. With much love, Nia."

"Thank you." Fenris smiled. Stupid flipping stomach.

"You're welcome." I cleared my throat. We had a moment of silence as Fenris flipped through the pages.

"I…want to apologize again for my behavior. What happened in the fade…it unnerved me." Fenris sighed.

"What did happen when I left?" I asked. Fenris rubbed a page before sighed deeply.

"Another desire demon approached our group. It lured Aveline away. Hawke forced her out of the fade. Then we met a demon of pride. I had thought myself above such temptations but…it promised me the power to go against the magisters in the Imperium. I wanted it. I wanted that power to go and crush their empire…it…Hawke was right. I am no better than they are." He folded his hands, with his elbows on his knees, and rested his chin on them.

"It's hard to fight against your own desires. We are weak, we make mistakes." I comforted.

"You did not accept your desires." Fenris looked down.

"No." I frowned.

"How could you deny what you have wanted for so long?" Fenris questioned.

"Because it wasn't what I wanted. The desire demon gave me a false vision. It was a fake dream. I got mad instead because they dared to use that against me. Besides, I have hope that one day I'll go home. So I hold onto that promise." I smiled softly.

"The Desire demon mentioned that the spirit inside of you was supposed to lead you home?" Fenris wondered.

"Something like that. I'm not sure myself. All I know is that my mother sent me the spirit and it saved me from death. Whether it's going to lead me home or not, I have no idea." I lied. At this point, no one would know that I was from-. They wouldn't believe me.

"Do you think that he has moved on?" Fenris asked.

"My husband?" I replied. Fenris nodded. "That is the likely situation. I would think that he has already. He probably put away his ring and found someone else." I mumbled, feeling guilty that my heart has fallen again.

"Then why don't you do the same?" Fenris wondered.

"Because I made a promise. The ring on my finger is proof of that. For better or worse, in sickness or in health, until death do us part. I swore myself to him and he to me. I will prove that I am the better person…is what I would like to say but…I'm human as well. Lately, I've begun to doubt. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind, 'Why don't you move on?' Then I wonder, 'There is too much to be done.' I can't be selfish." I reasoned, gripping my sheets.

"Why not?" Fenris pushed the issue.

"I just can't." I exhaled sharply.

"You cannot limit yourself like this. Do you not want to be happy?" Fenris asked tentatively.

"My happiness comes from others. If you're happy, I'm happy. If Hawke is happy, I'm happy." I shrugged.

"That is not healthy." Fenris grumbled.

"I never said that it was." I mumbled softly. I leaned forward and patted Fenris on the head. "Don't worry about me too much. I've carried this for a while. You focus on yourself and I focus on resting." I wiggled back down in my blanket and fluffed my pillows. Fenris chuckled.

"You are odd."

"We have already established this fact. Tell me something I don't know." I said, turning away from him and snuggling into my bed.

"You are beautiful." My eyes widened and I felt my face flush. I didn't turn around. I was not falling for that. I had to stay good. I heard the chair move. "Good night Nia." He left my room.

Stupid Fenris.

9:34 Drakonis 10th

"Note to self: never bleed in the house. God, this is taking so frigging long to clean!" I growled in frustration as I cleaned up the blood pool in the main hall. I wiped at my brow. I needed more water. I threw out the bloody water and refilled it. "Bleh, I smell like iron." I stretched and cracked my back. I groaned. I still had to take it easy. Recovering blood always takes a while.

I got a new bar of soap and went into the main hall. I rubbed the cloth I was using with the soap, mixed it with the water, and cleaned for the fourth time.

"Damn…you…frigging…spot!" I yelled.

"This is a new position for you." Fenris smirked at the doorway, coming in through the main door. The good thing was my face was flushed earlier because of the exertion. I couldn't get my mind off the beautiful comment he made yesterday. I didn't want to get my hopes up. No temptation!

"Like you haven't seen me on all fours before. Now stop looking pretty and help me." I threw a cloth at his head. Fenris rolled his eyes and went to work with me.

"Why am I doing this?" Fenris grunted in exertion.

"Because I said so and you are somewhat responsible for this. I swear, you and Anders are always just a hair away from killing each other." I shook my head.

"I hate him." Fenris stated.

"The feeling is mutual." Anders huffed, coming in. I sat back on the floor.

"Hey Anders." I waved.

"What did I say about resting? Are you doing this just to go against me?" Anders crossed his arms.

"Yes I am in an adult adolescence. I must disobey you and please ask you to get out of my life." I said sarcastically.

"Please, it's more like a mid-life crisis." Anders chuckled.

"I am not in that!" My face flushed.

"You are almost-"

"Shush!" I silenced him.

"That is the one thing I do not know about you. How old are you?" Fenris asked curiously.

"That is a rude thing to ask Fenris." I huffed and crossed my arms.

"She's old. I wouldn't be surprised if you're older than him." Anders laughed.

"Be quiet Anders!" I squeaked.

"She's 29." Anders smirked. I face palmed.

"You are almost 30." Fenris stared.

"No duh Captain Obvious." I scoffed, going back to cleaning.

"You don't look it." Fenris shrugged.

"At least I have that going for me." I groaned, standing up. Anders tipped my chin and looked at my face.

"Any dizziness?" He asked.

"Slight." I sighed.

"Vision?"

"Sometimes it goes when I stand up too fast."

"Your circulation seems to be well. Your cheeks are red." Anders pinched them. I shoved him away.

"When am I not red?" I chuckled.

"Very rarely." Fenris smirked.

"Shut up Fenris." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You need to replenish your blood. Keep drinking the potions I sent you and eat meat, red preferably." Anders described. I snorted. "No not that kind of meat unless you want to compete with Isabela." I laughed.

"No, I don't think so." I shook my head. Anders ruffled my hair and I shoved him away.

"Now, where's Ser Pounce-a-lot?" Anders cooed.

"In my room." I chuckled. Anders went upstairs with a skip in his step and I went back down to clean.

"How can a grown man love a cat that much?" Fenris rolled his eyes.

"It's cute besides Ser Pounce-a-lot is a pwetty, wittle, kitty!" I giggled and clapped my hands. Fenris stared at me and I cleared my throat, my flush getting stronger.

"You are red." Fenris stated.

"Be quiet." I pouted.

"It's cute." Fenris smiled.

"Uh huh, whatever." I brushed it off. Oh good thing my face was red from cleaning.

9:34 Drakonis 13th

"Ok back up. You're saying that Qunari, that visited the Viscount, just up and went missing? Who displaces 8 foot giants?" I asked while I was visiting Hawke in her estate.

"I know! I was saying the same thing when the Viscount asked me." Hawke asked.

"And, let me guess, he asked you to find out what happened right?" I rubbed my face.

"Pretty much. Aveline is going to help us during this job. Apparently a few guardsmen have been paid off to allow this to happen. There is only one place full of scum and villainy for a guard to fall prey to." Hawke smirked.

"The Hanged man." I said flatly.

"Exactly!" She giggled.

"Nighttime?" I wondered.

"Yes." Hawke nodded.

"Alright, I'll bite." I chuckled.

"I knew you would so…how are you feeling? You haven't met Aveline since…" Hawke started.

"I feel fine. Fenris apologized to me." I shrugged.

"He did?" Hawke wondered.

"Yeah. Oh I forgot to ask, what happened to Feynriel?" I wondered.

"He was able to control his power and has moved on to Tevinter to get properly trained." Hawke gave me a thumbs up.

"That's good. So who's joining us in our tackle to free the qunari?" I asked, getting up from my seat.

"Aveline and Varric. Isabela doesn't like the Qunari. Bring Fenris if you want." Hawke mentioned.

"Sure thing." I nodded. I patted Sandal before going out. I went back home which was only a minute away. Fenris was training in the main hall. It took me hours to get the bloodstain out. Hours! "Fenris, want to find kidnapped Qunari?" I mentioned nonchalantly. He did a double take.

"There are people idiotic enough to kidnap Qunari?" He rubbed his face.

"Yes, yes there are and guess who has been tasked to find them?" I gave him a fake smile.

"Hawke." He frowned.

"Yep. Hanged Man tonight. There are guards that were paid to turn a blind eye." I explained.

"Are you sure you will be fine fighting?" Fenris asked.

"We had a training session yesterday so I think we'll be fine. I feel fine over all." I nodded. A few of my muscles were sore from cleaning but I was well enough to fight.

"If you start coughing up blood again…" Fenris warned.

"I won't. Don't be overprotective like Anders." I flicked his nose.

"There is at least one thing he gets right." Fenris grumbled. I rolled my eyes and went upstairs. I had read Anders' earlier entry when I blacked out. I had mixed feelings about it. I was happy about it but at the same time I didn't want to know. Don't get your hopes up because that is stupid.

-/-

"I have a question Seeker if you will indulge me." Varric asked. Cassandra scoffed.

"What is it?" She crossed her arms.

"We've read about Knives'...odd talent. You're not curious at all about that?" Varric tip toed.

"Not a mage and yet can command a spirit inside of her. I have already spoken to it with Talen." Cassandra nodded.

"Ah yes because he's the leading expert on all things that have to do with Knives." Varric mumbled. It was amazing that Talen hasn't confessed everything to her already.

"You find that odd that I am not questioning it?" Cassandra questioned.

"There are only two reasons why you're not: you are ok with everything weird or you've seen it already. Now which one is it?" Varric asked. Cassandra gave him a mysterious smile.

"Continue dwarf." She smirked.

"I'm going to get an answer out of you yet Seeker." He grumbled.

-/-

I went over to the Hawke estate with Fenris right next to me. I was fidgeting with my gloves and my ring. It was a couple of days since I've met with Aveline. The last time we met it wasn't on good terms. I mean I was able to explain it to her but she hasn't come by and I was bed ridden for the last few days and couldn't meet with her.

"You are nervous." Fenris stated.

"We're meeting with Aveline." I frowned.

"Ah."

"Yeah." I sighed. I opened the door and Hawke was in the foyer with Aveline with her. I felt my stomach drop when Aveline looked at me.

"Nia." Aveline nodded.

"Hey Aveline." I hesitantly said.

"First things first. I apologize for my behavior. You had startled me in the fade. You had gone through much hardship. I am still…cautious though." Aveline shuffled on her feet.

"That's to be expected. Don't worry about it Aveline. I won't use it, not unless I have to. It's made for protecting people, not maiming." I laughed.

"Of that I am glad." Aveline smiled. Ah I felt the burden lighten.

"Good now that we have shared all our feelings, let's go to the Hanged Man and find the guards that made our Qunari friends disappear." Hawke nodded, coming up behind Aveline and we followed her out.

"I can't believe they would even do this." Aveline shook her head in disappointment.

"The love of money is the root of all evil Aveline." I argued.

"Then it's amazing that you are not evil." Fenris smirked.

"That's because I try to use as much as I can to help other people." I stuck my tongue out.

"That's our Nia, nobler than any noble we have in Hightown." Hawke fake cooed.

"I try." I shrugged.

We went down to Lowtown. There were a few people here and there out. Amazingly we didn't have any trouble going toward the Hanged Man.

"Carver and I went through Lowtown on one of our drunken escapades and got rid of the Dog Lords. It was quite fun." Hawke laughed.

"And the Templars did not try to catch you for using magic in the streets?" Fenris asked.

"I'm too rich for them to touch!" Hawke laughed haughtily.

"Keep saying that and you might believe it." Aveline commented. We opened the door to the Hanged Man. Isabela was in her corner drinking. I had to remember to bring her that ship in a bottle later.

"Lady Hawke, your Highness." Varric winked to both of us.

"Hey Varric." We both said at the same time.

"You two could be twins if not for the height difference." He chuckled.

"Yes I know I'm shorter than her." I pouted.

"You're shorter than Fenris." Hawke laughed.

"Shush." I shoved her slightly.

"Have you seen any guards that have been spending some time in here?"

"Glad you asked Aveline." Varric said, nodding over to a boisterous group. One was paying the bartender with a heavy pouch. Hawke came up behind him.

"An occasion to celebrate?" Hawke wondered.

"That's right. I got paid and blessed and all I had to do was turn my head. Drinks are on me boys." They cheered. We all came together behind him. "Hey, don't come any closer. I know some important people and we're going to show those oxmen what happens when they stay in this city for too long." He warned.

"Guard Captain, you have something to say to one of your men?" I asked.

"Guard Captain?" He said weakly. She looked mad as hell.

"Who?" She growled.

"What?" He squeaked. Aveline grabbed his collar.

"Who bought you? Who had enough money to buy the honor of a guard of Kirkwall and made him a drunken mabari bitch?" Aveline spat out.

"I-I don't know!" He looked away and Aveline glared at him. "It-It was a Templar! He had the seal of the grand cleric and everything! I swear!" Aveline let him go.

"The penalty for abandoning your post is ten days on the wall. I expect you to report in the morning." Aveline glared. He whimpered before running out of the Hanged Man like there was a fire lit on his ass.

"And there we have our answer." Hawke chuckled.

"A Templar." I said.

"With the Grand Cleric's seal no less. Good job Aveline. I can always expect you to give us the answers we seek." Hawke patted her shoulder. Aveline chuckled.

"Well that was one void of a confession." Isabela purred, hugging me from behind.

"Hey Isabela." I said.

"Templars and Qunari? What will they think of next?" She settled her head on my shoulder.

"I have got a suspicion that things aren't going to be good in this job." Varric wondered.

"That I can assure you. You think the Chantry wouldn't mind it if we fancy a stroll in the dead of night?" Hawke asked.

"Only if you're up to no good." Isabela purred.

"If the Templar has the Grand Cleric seal to take away the Qunari, I should say that we wait until morning for questioning. There's no point in forcing an investigation when we can do it the lawful way." Aveline offered.

"You take the fun out of everything Aveline." Varric chuckled. "Well now that we're all here anyway, how about a pint and a game of cards?"

"Ooh is there going to be any stripping?" Isabela wondered.

"No Isabela." I sighed. I squealed when she bit my ear.

"There's the reaction I was looking for!" She giggled.

"Isabela!"

9:34 Drakonis 14th

I rubbed my head. Curse the Hanged Man and it's sucky liquor choice. I groaned and went downstairs to get something to drink. I saw some of my herbal tea on the stove already. I didn't see Fenris so I got myself a cup. Ser Pounce-a-lot rubbed against my leg and meowed. I gave him some dried fish and went upstairs.

"Headache?" Fenris smirked.

"Why do we drink at the Hanged Man again when we have perfectly good wine here?" I groaned, settling into my usual seat in his room.

"You were the one drinking." Fenris chuckled. I heard the door slam open and I held my head.

"Oh my princess! I have come for you!" Hawke announced.

"I told you not to call me that!" I snapped.

"Whatever. Ready to start interrogating church personnel? Maybe shake them up a bit?" Hawke looked giddy.

"We are not doing that Hawke." Aveline came up behind her.

"It would be funny." Varric chuckled. I downed all of my herbal tea and went to put on my armor and daggers.

"Let's go." I nodded.

"Nia you are my favorite princess." Hawke pinched my cheeks. I swatted her hands away.

"Don't call me that." I pouted.

"I love annoying you too." Hawke laughed.

"No really? I haven't noticed." I said sarcastically.

"Come on before we lose our lead." Aveline said. We went out toward the Chantry. I yawned slightly. There were a few nobles that looked at our ragtag group. A few giving me small waves here and there. The attention was still odd even after all this time though I knew they were only doing it out of politeness. I knew what they were saying behind my back. We went into the Chantry Courtyard and Sebastian was out and about.

"Hawke." He smiled.

"Sebastian!" Hawke lit up walking faster to reach him. "Anything good on the Chantry Board today?"

"Just the usual small favors. You all have business in the Chantry?" He asked.

"You can say that." Hawke answered.

"A Templar has kidnapped a Qunari." Aveline stated.

"What?" Sebastian wondered.

"He had the Grand Cleric's seal as well." I explained.

"That is…disconcerting." Sebastian couldn't believe it.

"Let's see if this Templar is in here shall we?" Hawke led, going up the stairs. I opted out again while the rest went inside. It was a nice day out at least. I saw a few people go in and out before I heard the angry rumblings of Hawke.

"And she nearly killed me. I knew she would be trouble." Hawke growled, coming out of the Chantry.

"Are you sure you want to trust her?" Aveline asked.

"Do we have a choice?" Hawke snapped.

"Then you found something?" I asked.

"Sister, oh wait, Mother Petrice has given me the name of the one who kidnapped the Qunari and-"

"Your Highness?" A Templar recruit, Moira, came up to our group and interrupted Hawke.

"Yes?" I wondered.

"I need to ask you a few questions." She said. I felt red flags go up in my head. "Alone." I looked to the group.

"Looks like you're going to have to take care of the Qunari kidnappers without me." I shrugged. I followed her away from the group where she took my arm and led me into a small alleyway.

"You didn't hear this from me but from the Knight Captain, you hear?" She warned.

"Cullen?" I raised my eyebrow.

"You remember the Templar Emeric? He has gone missing and the only thing that is connecting him and his disappearance is a letter that you sent him." She explained.

"A letter?" I wondered. She showed me it. "No I didn't write it." Shit, I knew I was forgetting something.

"The Knight Captain thought as much as well since you write to him. He had a suspicion and made me track you down in case. He doesn't think you did anything but you might want to go searching for answers before someone else finds this link. Go to where the letter says to go. We can't do anything about it but you might. Please, keep us informed." Moira whispered.

"Thank you." She bowed to me and left. I felt a sense of dread inside of me. The time and place was in the night in Lowtown. A meeting that took place a few days ago. I knew I was forgetting something. Curse what happened during Feynriel's dream. I'm so sorry Emeric. I hightailed it to Lowtown. I was going to need some firepower for this.

I saw Anders in his clinic, working away at his patients. He saw me and motioned for me to stay. I leaned against the wall. Varric and I have been putting our combined efforts to keep this place safe. You kinda have to when the lanterns give you away.

"Nia, it's always nice to have you visit me but from the look of your face it's not just a visit is it?" Anders came up to me.

"One of my Templar friends has gone missing and there is evidence linking me to it. Cullen gave me a heads up before anything has happened. I need to find out the truth." I said seriously. Anders face grew solemn and he nodded.

"Say the word and I'll be there." Anders looked at the letter I gave him.

"The person who contacted him used this letter to drag him toward Lowtown during the night. I'll need some back up." I said.

"I will be there. Anyone else?" Anders wondered.

"I might ask Hawke or even Isabela. I know she'll want to get out of the bar every once in a while." I mentioned.

"I understand. Do you believe…?" Anders started.

"I'm not thinking positively here." I frowned. Anders sighed and ruffled my hair.

"You should, that's your staple. Go and get yourself ready." Anders said. I nodded and took back the letter. I glared at the passing refugees and went to the lift. I wish there were more things I can do for these people. I went up and back toward the Hanged Man. Varric wasn't here. Hawke must be dealing with-. I saw Isabela talking to a few people.

"Kitten, you rarely come down here during day time hours." She giggled.

"I know."

"I know that look. What kind of favor do you need from me?" Isabela asked, taking a drink.

"Someone is trying to pin something on me. A Templar went missing, this is the evidence of a meeting, supposedly between us, that led to his disappearance." I explained, giving Isabela the letter.

"I know this place." She clicked her tongue.

"I thought so. Can you lead me there tonight?" I asked.

"Of course Kitten, but for a price." Isabela winked.

"Name it." I nodded.

"I have another lead to the relic and I'll need some help." Isabela poured another drink.

"Done." I agreed. She gave me a confused look.

"Just like that?" She questioned.

"Make sure I don't almost drown this time." I mentioned. Isabela chuckled.

"Of course. At least I can always count on you to be there for me." She said softly.

"As much as it pains me to say this, you're my friend. I'm not going to let you go out and get yourself killed while I'm around." I smiled. Isabela chuckled.

"Thank you." She looked bashful.

"I'm going to go up to Hightown for now. We'll meet up here later." I nodded.

"Of course Kitten." Isabela chuckled.

"Oh and stop by every once and a while. I have something for you." I smiled.

"Aww a gift for me?" Isabela purred.

"Yeah." I chuckled.

"Seriously?" Isabela gave me a disbelieving look.

"What? You don't believe me? Come by then." I stuck my tongue out.

"You are a tease kitten." Isabela shook her head.

I went out and took a breath. This was the defining moment when I-. If I can do this then-. That way Hawke won't-. I went up to Hightown and back into my room. I took out the wooden cross that I made. I got on my knees and prayed that everything will turn out all right.

Nighttime

"That is some sick shit you found there." I shook my head to Fenris as we waiting in front of the Hanged Man for Anders. Isabela was twirling her daggers. Fenris explained to me what happened with the Qunari.

"You can't blame them. The Chantry is losing more supporters to the Qunari with each passing day." Isabela shrugged.

"But for them to stoop so low? The Arishok is not going to be pleased." I huffed.

"When is he ever?" Fenris wondered.

"Good point." I laughed.

"I'm here." Anders said, his staff making a clicking noise on the ground. He panted slightly.

"Everything ok then?" I asked.

"Should be." Anders nodded.

"Then let's go and see who is trying to frame me." I led on.

"You're actually pissed off aren't you kitten?" Isabela noticed my temper.

"Yes I am." I frowned.

"Oooh that's hot." Isabela put her arm around my shoulders.

"I'm not in the mood Isabela. Lead the way." I shrugged off her arm. She nodded. We took a few dizzying turns here and there in Lowtown, crossing a bridge into a small alley. It was eerily quiet and the buildings looked run down. I went down the stairs and saw a body on the ground. I ran to it before a Shade appeared in front of me and slammed me to the ground.

"Nia!" Four more shades came around me before Fenris came and used his greatsword to get them off. I quickly got back on my feet and sunk my blades into the head of one Shade with Isabela doing the same. Fenris fazed in and out of two and Anders froze the last one to be shattered by me.

Six shades came to being with a desire demon rising as well.

"Oh shit." I cursed. Fenris let out a growl and slashed at the desire demon. The shades converged on our location. Anders let out a cone of cold and froze three shades. Isabela and I took them down. Two came behind us. I did a high kick and a quick stab in the eye. Anders let out a fire spell and Isabela took it down. Fenris brought down the desire demon and stabbed his greatsword right through it.

Another seven shades came out. I saw Anders growl with his body glowing. I let out a breath and touched the power inside of me. I sprinted toward the shade closest to me and did a strong swipe. I nearly decapitated it. I threw one of my daggers at another that was coming towards me, cold spells going all around and I heard fighting behind me. I recovered my dagger and stabbed through another one.

I saw the rest of my group take down the last of the shades. There were specks of spiritual essence from the demons. I went toward the body. It was Emeric. I scowled. I didn't make it in time. I'm sorry.

"Nia?" I saw Moira and Cullen coming toward us.

"Knight Captain." I said.

"Your Highness. Maker…did you do all of this?" Cullen looked at the carnage.

"With a little help. Emeric is dead." I sighed.

"But why would…?" Moira started.

"The murders. Then Emeric was right. We followed you. I had hoped that you weren't the one behind this but it seems like there really is a serial killer out there. Was it Gascard DuPuis like Emeric suspected?" Cullen asked.

"No. I killed him." I shook my head.

"Then he's still on the loose Knight Captain. We need to find this horrible apostate and quickly." Moira warned.

"I understand Moira. Nia-your Highness. If you find anything pertaining to the murders, please come to me." Cullen asked.

"You'll be the first to know." I said. Moira and he went to recover Emeric's body. This was too close. I had to-.

This time I can ch-.

* * *

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	37. Crucified for Change

Varric sighed as his hand stopped on the page. It was this dreaded entry that he had to remember.

"What is it dwarf?" Cassandra's eyebrow raised.

"Varric." He growled. Cassandra glared at him. "This part…always gets to me."

"Is it because of how you found her?" Cassandra said softly.

"Yeah. This taught me something about her. She wasn't joking when she said that she would protect us." Varric mumbled, his eyebrows furrowing.

-/-

9:34 Drakonis 15th

I tapped on my quill again. Emeric was dead that meant-. I couldn't let that happen. I wasn't able to stop Anders in Amaranthine but I could stop this. I had to. I couldn't stop damn pacing and it was already becoming afternoon.

Someone was at the door.

…

"Hah! Read them and weep Hawke." Varric laughed. Hawke groaned and threw her hand of cards down. Carver grumbled and did the same.

"Oh so that's a winning hand?" Merrill wondered, putting her own down. They were a bunch of cards that had no pairs.

"It's not that hard." Carver chuckled.

"Hey where's Leandra?" Varric asked, taking his winnings from the rest.

"She called for Bodahn not too long ago." Hawke said, shuffling the cards again. The front door opened and there was Nia in her usual dregs. Varric noticed something off about her. Her body posture was extremely tense and she was biting her lip hard. She only did that when she was focused on something, usually it wasn't good.

"Hey guys. Where's Leandra?" Nia asked.

"She's up in her room your Highness." Bodahn said, coming up behind her. Nia nodded.

"What's with the solemn look?" Varric asked.

"Huh?" Nia stopped before the stairs.

"You got this look of death to you all mean and grr." Merrill giggled. Nia's eyes slightly looked away.

"Something you found?" Varric asked with his eyebrow raised.

"You can say that." Nia mumbled and averted his eyes. Varric thought it was weird, even for her.

"Oh what about that thing with the Templar?" Hawke asked.

"I'll tell you about that later." Nia said brusquely and went toward Leandra's room. Varric frowned. He strained his ears his ears to try to hear something while Hawke passed out the cards. Nia came down from the stairs, scowling and headed toward the door.

"Wait you're leaving? You just got here." Carver wondered.

"I have an errand." Nia said and left just as quickly as she entered. They all gave each other a look.

"What was that all about?" Hawke wondered.

"Let me ask mother." Carver said, getting up and going up the stiars. He knocked on his mother's door. "Mother, is everything all right?" Leandra opened the door and gave him a weak smile.

"Yes Carver. I needed Nia to do something for me, discreetly. Can you throw out the lilies in the pot? I would rather have roses or daisies." Leandra wondered.

"You have one Daisy here!" Varric laughed. Merrill giggled. Carver nodded and Leandra went back into his room. Carver did what she asked and made sure to send out Bodahn for more flowers besides lilies.

"Come on brother, let me beat you again." Hawke snickered.

"You haven't won for the last two rounds!" Carver chuckled, sitting down. Varric couldn't stop the sense that something was wrong but lost himself in the game again as it got more heated. They spent most of the day playing their game, Hawke taking out her mage talents to cheat but Varric always had a card up his sleeve. Varric almost groaned with the affection shared with Merrill and Carver.

"Now does it go like this?" Merrill dropped her cards again, the weakest pairs in her hands.

"No Daisy, like this!" Varric laughed, putting down his winning hand. Hawke and Carver groaned. Then the door slammed opened. The two people in their group that hated each other the most came through.

"This has gone for too long!" Anders growled with Fenris on his toes. Anders was furious and Varric noticed the small hints of bluish energy around his eyes.

"You know she disappears for hours at a time!" Fenris snapped back.

"No she told me that there was something going on and she promised to see me, she never came!" Anders stopped in front of their table.

"Now, now boys you know you aren't allowed to fight when your lover isn't here." Hawke chuckled, getting up and hoping not to diffuse a situation.

"Have you seen Nia?" Anders asked.

"She came by early in the morning. Seemed very angry too." Merrill nodded.

"See mage? There is nothing wrong." Fenris glared.

"No. I feel it, she's in danger." Anders shook his head.

"What is going on?" Leandra asked, coming out of her room.

"Nia has been missing for a few hours. You know she is always doing something in this city, whether it be helping refugees, helping that brat in the Alienage, or going off to see the Dalish." Fenris crossed his arms.

"No she was too shaken up from last night when we found Emeric's body." Anders gritted his teeth.

"You what?" Hawke asked, getting up from her seat.

"The Templar in charge of the missing women was found dead. We were nearly killed when a horde of demons attacked us." Fenris explained. Leandra gasped and everyone turned to her.

"Mother?" Hawke wondered.

"Oh…I thought she didn't go alone!" Leandra sobbed.

"Mother what are you talking about?" Hawke grabbed her mother tenderly.

"The serial killer, he sends lilies to those who is next!" Leandra sobbed.

"You mean the lilies that I threw out were…?"Carver's face grew pale.

"The man who has been trying to court me, he sent me those flowers with a time and place. I sent Bodahn for Nia because she had told me ahead of time what was the link, but I didn't think she would go confront him by herself!" Leandra shook with worry.

"No…we have to go find her! Where did she go!?" Anders stepped forward, Justice ringing in his voice.

"Anders stop glowing!" Hawke shouted. Anders did stop but with considerable effort.

"In Lowtown near Lirene's imports." Leandra wiped away her tears. Hawke nodded and went to go get her staff.

"Let's go we have no time to lose. Carver stay here and make sure to protect mother and Merrill, just in case." Hawke ordered.

"Got it." Carver nodded as did Merrill.

"We have to go now!" Anders nearly grabbed Hawke.

"Calm down, there is no point in panicking!" Hawke shouted as they stormed out, slamming the door. Their jog over to Lowtown was filled with tense silence.

"Please be safe, Andraste watch over her." Anders prayed silently.

"I thought you weren't religious." Fenris wondered.

"It's a good day to start." Anders' voice trembled.

"Praying won't do us any good right now." Varric grumbled, cursing silently. Why didn't he follow his gut instinct? They went down the stairs. There weren't many people out in the dark. Anders went over to a young boy that played with a few shiny stones.

"Excuse me have you seen a woman around here? Dark brown hair in a pony tail and her breastplate shining? She has these odd daggers with her as well." Anders asked.

"I think I saw someone like that." The boy thought.

"Are you sure?" Anders asked.

"What do I get from this?" The boy crossed his arms.

"Coin, now start speaking." Hawke said, dropping a few silvers in his hand.

"That's real silver that is! Ok so the woman comes here right? Sees a man who's all bloody and the like. She grabs onto him and leads him away. I thought it was something suspicious like. She held a dagger to his throat but he ran for it. He was losing blood and left a trail, you can follow it if you'd like." The boy pointed at the small splotch on the ground.

"This doesn't sound good." Varric wondered.

"Let's try to be optimistic here. Buy yourself some new shoes kid." Hawke led the way.

"Here!" Anders shouted. A small pool of blood and there were more leading away.

"We'll follow it and then it will lead us to where she is." Fenris said.

"Let's go." Hawke nodded. They followed the trail of blood all the way to the foundry.

"It leads here." Fenris slammed the door open. The smell of burning permeated through the air. Hawke bit her lip, stopping.

"Something wrong Hawke?" Varric asked.

"I remember this. Bethany and Carver and I came through here on a missing woman's post." Hawke mumbled. They followed the blood all the way up the stairs until they found a hidden trapdoor.

"Here. Someone forgot to conceal this." Varric moved the box that was near the trapdoor.

"She's down there then." Anders sighed in relief, opening it up. They went down and followed down a path of stairs. Shades and rage demons appeared before them. Anders glowed and let out a powerful blizzard in an instant, freezing them and shattering them with his spell. He groaned and nearly kneeled on the floor.

"Be careful. We need that firepower in case something happens." Hawke warned.

"I know." Anders shook his head. They continued forward and there was a stench of rot in the air. They found cots behind partitions with dried blood.

"Look." Fenris motioned. There was Alessa on an operating table.

"Alessa…" Hawke ran over but Alessa was already dead.

"Hawke…" Varric started.

"Don't say it Varric." Hawke gulped. Even Fenris started to fidget with his sword. They went toward the next room and found pieces of Nia's armor.

"This isn't a good sign." Varric said.

"No, Nia still has to be here!" Anders raised his voice, going down the stairs. They found what appeared to be where the killer lived. There was a portrait that looked similar to Leandra, bookshelves abound with scattered pages on the ground.

"Does he live here?" Hawke wondered before corpses and Shades attacked them. Varric got two of them in the head. Anders froze three of the shades and Hawke pushed to shatter them. Fenris got rid of the last corpse with a beheading. More shades and a rage demon appeared. Hawke did a push spell, causing the demons to be pushed back. Anders threw out a powerful cold spell on the rage demon and Varric shattered it. Abominations came through and nearly got Hawke before Fenris used his fazing to pass through the shades and abominations. They all fell.

"Demons, always demons." Anders shook his head.

"What is this?" Hawke wondered, looking up at the portrait again.

"A shrine? To a wife, a sister?" Anders wondered.

"Whatever it is it looks like my mother and it is creepy." Hawke said. They followed the path down the stairs. They all gasped and recoiled.

They found Nia, crucified with long, thin, iron rods poking out of her body. Her armor was destroyed in a pile next to her. The only thing keeping her decency was her bra and the remnants of her pants. Her wrists had rods through them, as well as her feet, her right shoulder blade and somewhere in her stomach. Her face was obscured but blood dripped down from her chin.

"Fascinating, very fascinating. You have endured well. This…this is the thing I have been looking for. The last step needed to make her come back to me. You have given me new inspiration!" A mage paced in front of her.

"What have you done to her!?" Anders shouted in horror. The man looked toward them.

"I was expecting her. Leandra had her face but…no this one found me instead but she finally gave me the last piece of the greatest puzzle to man. A true way to bring her back, not just physically but spiritually as well." The Man had a crazed look in his eye. Nia coughed up blood and raised her face. Her eyes weren't the soft dark brown that her friends knew. They were unnaturally gold.

"You son of a bitch!" Anders shouted, his body glowing blue. The mage formed a tight magical barrier around him and summoned corpses and demons. Anders and Fenris used their rage to kill them quickly, not even letting a chance for Varric to draw on Bianca's power or even for Hawke to wield her staff. More corpses awakened but Fenris quickly decapitated all three of them.

A desire demon rose behind them as well as more demons. Anders let out a blazing stream of fire and Hawke pushed all of them down while Varric shot out automatic rounds to kill all of them. Fenris put his greatsword through the desire demon's chest.

Another horde of demons were summoned. Hawke let out a growl.

"Everyone behind me now!" They followed her lead and Hawke summoned a massive firestorm that spun in a mass of magical fury. It swallowed all the corpses and the demons alike. Hawke flinched from her own spell.

That didn't stop from more demons to arise. Fenris fazed in and out through two shades. Varric let out a barrage of arrows to make the desire demon a pin cushion. Anders let out fire spell after fire spell, burning down all the shades and abominations that he could.

Finally the magical barrier surrounding the killer mage broke. He summoned three more shades that Fenris and Varric were happy to kill off. Anders stabbed the man with his staff. The mage screamed as his insides boiled and he exploded into bits. Andres stopped glowing and he ran over to Nia.

"Nia…Nia…" He held her face in his hands tenderly.

"It…hurts…"She coughed out as more blood dribbled down from her mouth.

"Maker's breath what did he do to you?" Hawke gasped.

"She can still be saved. We need to pull the rods and-" Hawke grabbed onto one.

"That will certainly kill her! She will bleed to death before we can heal her!" Fenris shouted.

"Well I don't see you suggesting anything!" Hawke was quickly descending into panic. Varric noticed the cogs turning in Anders' head. Anders gritted his teeth.

"No…there is one thing I can do." Anders sighed. He rubbed Nia's blood in his hand and let his magic flow into it. It floated and rushed into her.

"Blood magic!? You will not-!" Fenris grabbed his greatsword instantly.

"I will save her! This is the only way! When I tell you, take those metal rods from her." Anders yelled, moving to the one that held her left wrist. "Come on!"

"Elf can't you grab them from the inside?!" Varric asked.

"I-I-I do not know and I cannot trust-" Fenris stuttered.

"Just grab the rods!" Hawke shouted. They grabbed at the rods and pulled. Nia screamed in pain. Anders took the one that had her left wrist, the one on her stomach was next, Hawke took the one in the right wrist, and Fenris took the one from her feet.

Hawke took the last one from her shoulder blade. Anders caught her and laid her down. She shuddered and her body trembled from going through so much pain. The fact that Nia was still slightly conscious surprised Varric. Varric watched as Anders' body glowed. Justice took over. He took Nia's hand. She let out a silent scream as she glowed as well, gripping tightly on Anders' hand, draining that energy from him. Her wounds healed and the blood flow stopped.

Anders gasped, letting her go and stumbling down on the ground. He moaned in pain. Nia laid on the ground, unconscious but breathing. Fenris stepped forward and cradled her against him.

"What…did you do?" Hawke wondered.

"I'll…explain it on the way…We need to get her…back to Hightown…I might need some help." Anders panted heavily, leaning against the wall. Hawke put his arm around her. Fenris carried Nia bridal style. Varric shook his head. This could have all be avoided if he...Varric sighed. There was no point in thinking that.

"I thought…well…she's alive. Barely, but alive." Fenris sighed.

"Let's get out of here." Hawke rubbed her head. They made their way slowly from the foundry and up the stairs. The moon was annoyingly bright.

"I thought…she would be heavier." Fenris wondered.

"She's lost a lot blood in such a short amount of time. I'm surprised she held out this long but her spirit was helping her. Who knows how long he was…experimenting on her." Anders shuddered.

"But Knives can punch dragons in their mouths, crush bones with her knuckles! How did he get the drop on her!?" Varric exclaimed.

"Blood magic mind control most likely." Anders nearly tripped and Hawke had to steady both of them.

"But she fought against that mage in the Blooming Rose. Why not him?" Varric asked.

"He probably had more mastery than the one you found in the Blooming Rose." Hawke sighed.

"And what did you exactly do?" Fenris growled, shuffling Nia closer to him.

"Responsible blood magic. I imbued a part of my mana in her blood and put it back into her bloodstream. I felt for the wounds caused by the rods as well as everything else. Once my mana touched on those, I focused my healing in there. She took a lot out of me though." Anders chuckled weakly. "This is what Talen taught me or what little he did anyway. I kind of learned on the fly with my own patients."

"And they allowed you to do this Blondie?" Varric asked.

"They usually come in already bleeding. They wouldn't know. It just feels cool to them." Anders described.

"That is still dangerous." Fenris glared.

"This blood magic wasn't taught to me by a demon but an actual person who has done their research and has spent years perfecting it. Talen isn't known as the best healer in Ferelden for nothing." Anders chuckled. "It saved her."

"It is still blood magic." Fenris huffed.

"And I thought you were against it." Hawke scoffed.

"I am! But this isn't blood magic anymore. It doesn't enhance anything, it, oh what is the use trying to explain to you? I don't care what any of you think. The point is it saved Nia and that is all that matters." Anders finished.

"Hypocrite." Fenris mumbled.

"If I wasn't so weakened by healing and fighting I would push you down these stairs." Anders growled.

"I swear how does she deal with both of you during breakfast?" Hawke wondered. "And stop moving Anders or I'll let you fall down these stairs!"

"By threatening to crush our jewels." Fenris said flatly.

"I've seen it happen before. It's not something nice…" Anders shuddered. Varric laughed. They reached Hightown without incident. Varric opened the door to the Hawke estate. Carver was in the foyer with his greatsword.

"Is she...?" Carver wondered.

"She's fine but let's put her in the guest bedroom for now." Hawke let go of Anders and he leaned against the wall. Hawke grabbed an elfroot potion near her table and gave it to him. Carver led Fenris in the spare room. He lit the candle and Fenris laid her down.

"Elgar'nan…what happened?" Merrill gasped at the doorway.

"Merrill, do you have any potions?" Anders asked, coming in the room. Merrill nodded and rushed out.

"I'll get some wet towels so we can at least clean her some." Hawke mentioned.

"And I'll explain to your mother about what happened. Maker knows she will probably try to blame herself for this." Varric mumbled. Anders and Fenris sat in opposite chairs watching the slow rise of Nia's chest. Anders sat closer and took her wrist in his hands. He healed her for the most part but there was hole shaped scars on her body now.

"Her pulse is still weak…" Anders sighed.

"She left here in the morning and we found her late at night. How long was he torturing her for?" Fenris asked.

"Long enough to know what she was. Though if any mage were trained in the arts of spirits, they would figure it out easy enough." Anders caressed her face.

"This is why you need to be locked up." Fenris clenched his fists.

"If I was locked up then she would have died." Anders glared.

"If all of you were locked up things like this wouldn't happen in the first place." Fenris gritted his teeth.

"If we were all locked up, then we would be able to overpower the Templars and leave anyway!" Anders shot back.

"Boys!" Hawke shouted at them, coming in the room with the things she needed to clean Nia. She glared at both of them and her lips even twitched.. "Get out."

"But-" Anders stood up.

"I'm a healer too Anders, now get out. I swear you two are more trouble than you're worth. You both should be glad that Nia stands the both of you…well out!"Hawke shouted. Anders and Fenris begrudgingly abided. Hawke rolled her eyes, putting down the bucket. Merrill came in soon after with some robes and healing potions. Hawke rinsed out a towel and started to dab off the blood.

"She is all right, isn't she?" Merrill asked.

"I'll make sure of that." Hawke took off the remnants of the little clothing she had and wiped away at the blood. She was surprised at the amount of scars she had and Merrill's eyes widened when they saw her back. The scars that were in the shape of wings. It was beautiful and painful to look at them.

"By the Creators…who would do this to her?" Merrill couldn't bring herself to touch them and tears welled up in her eyes.

"Scarification." Hawke shook her head slowly. She traced the lines, lightning scars coming together as two pair of wings that hugged her shoulders and a part of her back. Hawke looked closely and saw a few more lines branching down. She remembered that Nia had mentioned that it was her spirit that did this to her. Why? Even Hawke couldn't fathom it. They cleaned and changed her before setting her down in the blankets. Nia's eyes moved sporadically and she did small grunts. It didn't look like she was sleeping soundly.

Hawke took Nia's wrists and called on her mana to find any anomalies that needed repair. Instead she felt that odd sensation of a line crossing into her mana and directly to the fade she was commanding. It took her mana and the fade energy she manifests whenever she calls on her spells. Whatever was inside Nia, it was taking power.

Merrill grunted and held her belly.

"Are you ok Merrill?" Hawke asked.

"Oh it's nothing. I think the baby is kicking though." She giggled.

"Come on. You need your rest. It's been a long night." Hawke sighed.

-/-

"You haven't met with Viscountess Amell have you?" Varric wondered, trying to forget the experience he just told. That part always left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"No. I have sent an agent to her to explain my mission." Cassandra crossed her arms.

"Your mission to interrogate me?" Varric scoffed.

"My mission to set this world on its right path again." Cassandra glared.

"Uh huh, a holy mission to put the Chantry back in power. Let's see how well that goes." Varric rolled his eyes.

"I…admit the organization of our Chantry has lacked." Cassandra admitted.

"Your Templars flew the coop, the mages are fighting against everyone, and you have no one to lead except for a figure head that no one listens to." Varric said bluntly.

"Divine Justinia is the only one they will listen to!" Cassandra shouted, slamming the journal on the table. Varric winced but he had to remind himself that Nia probably couldn't even tell the damage to them now with her condition. Cassandra did her usual signature noise and opened the journal again. "Continue."

"You know I'm getting parched, can't I at least get a pint of something?" Varric asked. She glared at him. "Fine, fine…"

9:34 Drakonis 17th

"Well…at least now I have a new story to tell." I said, looking over my wrists. The scars from when I was crucified were still there. It was odd seeing the grey pinkish circle in both of my wrists. I was resting in the guest room at the Hawke estate. Anders had a direct route here from Darktown and has been checking on me for two days.

My body has been healing rapidly. Anders speculated that it was due to the spirit inside of me greedily taking all the energy it could from Anders and Hawke. My eyes settled to the same brown as before. It was odd now. Every single time I called on the power, my eyes would change color. I had to talk to Marethari about it. I was slowly becoming more and more spirit like. My soul was melding with Halo.

I didn't know if it was a bad thing or good thing. What would happen if I went home? Would I still be part spirit? Would he separate himself from me? And what would happen to me if I kept on changing? I didn't know. I couldn't know yet.

I still didn't know if I was going home or not.

I leaned back into my pillows. Leandra was fussing over me for the guilt of almost getting me killed. Still it was nice having someone else make food for you instead. I was happy. I changed-! I CHANGED-! HOLY SHIT I WAS ABLE TO DO IT! Ok calm down, bad Nia. I almost got killed but I did it!

"You are grinning at nothing again." Fenris said, coming in to sit in his seat.

"Huh? Oh sorry." I giggled.

"How you are this happy after nearly dying is beyond me." Fenris rolled his eyes.

"Oh you know I'm just a bundle of optimism! So what are we reading today? Action? Thriller? Some spicy Antivan romance?" I guessed as he brought in another book.

"I thought you did not read those?" Fenris raised his eyebrow.

"I don't but I am at your whims for now." I shrugged.

"Are you?" Fenris smirked.

"…Ok don't take everything I say seriously Fenris, please, I can't stand hearing it!" I begged.

"Your ears are getting red." Fenris chuckled.

"Just…no, ok, just no." I shook my head.

"Have you remembered everything he did to you?" Fenris asked. I sighed and shook my head. As soon as I followed Quentin into the foundry my mind wasn't my own. I saw myself being puppeteered by him but Halo immediately came out and fought him. Then he stabbed his hand and then nothing. I can't remember anything. My back still hurts. I absentmindedly rubbed my wrist and Fenris took my hand. His thumb ran over the scar.

"It's interesting at least." I shrugged as his tattoos lightly shocked my wrist.

"I am truly sorry. I should have listened to that mage's warnings. I have gotten used to you being out for long hours without notice…" Fenris looked down, his hair partly shadowing his face.

"It was an honest mistake Fenris. You were right. I don't stay home for long. I'm always doing something or another whether at Lirene's Imports, at the barracks or with Arinda in the Alienage." I chuckled.

"I met her to explain your condition and why you will not be able to visit her. She was not happy and nearly tackled me." Fenris grumbled.

"I have to say she does have spirit." I laughed.

"She is grating on the nerves..." Fenris shook his head and took his hand back.

"So what have you brought to read?" I asked. He held my book. "You know I wrote that right?"

"I like it." He shrugged. I chuckled.

"It's…odd that you like it so much. It feels kinda weird you know? Getting fan mail from strangers is one thing but to have a friend like it…it's…a nice feeling but weird." I fidgeted with my fingers, my face heating up.

"If you don't want me to read I can go and get another one. Hawke has plenty in her library." Fenris suggested.

"No, no. Go ahead. I haven't gone over it since I released it." I said, leaning back.

"The day she saw his face was an accident. Neria was trying to teach her apprentice how to levitate a simple tome. 'Focus on the weight. See it in your mind, grab for it, gingerly.' She said. The apprentice was able to levitate it off the table for an instant. If it wasn't for Enchanter Marian coming in yelling unintelligibly, the lesson would have gone smoothly.

'Neria you have to see this!' Marian shouted. The apprentice was startled and couldn't control his magic. The tome was sent hurdling in the air and hit the Templar in the room dead on his head. He groaned with pain. Marian looked shock with her mouth open and the apprentice screamed in horror. Neria rushed over to him as he took off the helmet.

His eyes were a deep, emerald green that seemed to sharpen when he saw her and his wild red hair clung to his forehead."

"Nia, I made some stew and, oh, hello Fenris." Leandra said, coming in with a plate in her hand. She put it down on the desk near the bed. Fenris nodded in greeting. "Here and is there anything else you need?"

"Leandra you don't need to come here and fuss over me like this. I can go out and-" I started.

"Nonsense, Anders has already made sure watch over you for this week so you can properly rest. You are not leaving this house young lady. At least you have your friends to keep you company. I was thinking of hosting a salon later in the summer. You should come and mingle." Leandra smiled.

"I'll keep that in mind Leandra thank you." I said sheepishly.

"I'll bring a bowl for you too Fenris." Leandra said, going out. I giggled. It felt like I was home with my mom coming over to make sure I had everything I needed when I was sick. I ate and it was delicious. I would kill for some pozole though.

"Speaking about food, how are you doing now that I'm not there?" I asked.

"I did live on my own before you." Fenris rolled his eyes.

"But you haven't had my cooking skills bring you delicious food though." I stuck my tongue out.

"You have a point. My food takes like sawdust compared to you." Fenris chuckled.

"You're exaggerating." I scoffed.

"True though you should not worry about me. You need to focus on resting." Fenris nodded.

"Anders is blowing this out of proportion. I don't need to stay in bed for that long! I can get up and walk and do stuff and-"

"You nearly lost all of your blood in two weeks' time. You are staying there until you replenish all that you lost." Fenris interrupted.

"That and to make sure that I don't go ahead and accidentally kill myself again right?" I asked.

"Of course." Fenris nodded.

"How did Cullen and the rest take the news?" I wondered.

"Hawke explained to them about the hidden home and searched all they could." I nodded. Anders recovered-. That would-once-. Of course if that-. "It hasn't done well to bolster the reputation of the mages. Knight Commander Meredith is scouring their library for blood magic in their books. Hawke has even received a letter from the mage we sent to the circle a few years back telling her about books with blood magic in them that are scattered in the city."

"So that's why she hasn't been here." I wondered.

"She is also planning of going to investigate the missing patrol for the Arishok." Fenris leafed through my book again.

"Hawke is actively doing things? Write it on the calendar." I laughed.

"After what happened with the Templar Varnell, she has it in for Mother Petrice." Fenris growled.

"I can only imagine. Go on and keep reading." I settled into my bed.

"His eyes were intense. That was the first thing she thought when she saw them. It most likely from anger seeing as how he was hit in the head…" I listened to his deep voice as I closed my eyes. I was at an odd point of nearly falling asleep and being away when I felt someone's fingers intertwine with my own. From the shocks I knew it was Fenris. I heard him get up and close the door.

Shit.

* * *

 **Hello my readers! It has been a month's time and I am back! With a few changes.**

 **Due to personal and work related reasons this story will continue on a biweekly update status until the new year in which it will change to weekly and stay that way. I can't do the 3 day updates anymore, sorry guys :( but this story will not end!**

 **Shout out to SigmaPsiSin and muigleb for favoriting/following!**

 **EG:** _Well I was out in Mexico during Halloween so I didn't do anything and wow, that was some review lol Sorry, Inquisition won't be coming for a long time. You just have to_ wait.  
 **PinkStalker23:** _Nope there is much more to Act 2! Well there is more to the NSFW content besides gore so that will be coming up. The husband part is logical, she's gone for 7 years and who knows more? Many would move on though that won't be answered until much much later and the Fenris thing? That will be answered soon lol  
_ **Red Blood Hound:** _Thank you! Yes poor Anora. I hate how everyone sorta demonizes her but I like to play with the fact that she is human. That will be brought up later on, trust me!_

 **Thank you Chimera Spyke, Taffy and Sweetrolls, and Dforce76 for reviewing! Please review!**


	38. Not Always Oblivious

9:34 Drakonis 20th

I hummed as I went to the kitchen to put away the plates and cleaned them. Leandra would hire a few maids every so often to clean the place but, seeing as she did it on her own for many years, she cleaned for the most part. As I washed my dishes I thought back to yesterday when Fenris held my hand.

I might be oblivious but not that oblivious. Fenris was searching for a reaction which is why he was constantly trying to tease me or flirt with me. I had to make sure not to react to his advances. As much as I care for him, I still love my husband. It would shatter him if he knew that I fell in love with someone else.

At this point the guilt was also weighing me down. It was a bitter feeling to feel so happy around Fenris only to have my mind remind me that I love my husband and that this was wrong. It was wrong and I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I had to listen to Aveline's advice though. I accepted these feelings of mine but that didn't mean I had to take that opportunity with him.

It was driving me mad though. I…want that physical love again. I've been holding back for so long but for once I would like to snuggle next to someone in bed and rub my face in their hands or even hold hands! I wanted the ability to walk behind someone and hug them. To rub my face against theirs to…at least kiss…this was getting out of hand. I had the self-control of a saint by this point.

I went upstairs to the library. Hawke had a lot of books and her bookshelf rivaled my own. I found a stack of papers squished in between two textbooks and found that it was Anders' manifesto. As usual. I heard that Hawke made sure to make Sandal look for them whenever Anders found himself in their home. I don't blame him. Hawke would be a valuable ally but you can't force your opinion down others throats. I saw a few recognizable smut books from Isabela herself and some guard books from Aveline.

"I thought I would find you here." Leandra said, coming out of her room.

"Sorry. I know I should be in my room resting but...even I can't stay in one room for too long." I laughed sheepishly.

"I understand. Sit at least." Leandra and I sat in the reading room. "After everything that has happened, I had forgotten to apologize to you. You must know that you should not have gone alone that in itself was a fault on your part." Leandra scolded.

"I know. I'm sorry." I hung my head. Leandra chuckled.

"Well it's in the past now and your recovery is going well. I must admit, this must be a great distraction." Leandra said, going up to the bookshelf and getting something.

"Distraction from what?" I raised my eyebrow.

"From your feelings of course." Leandra stated.

"Eh?" It took me a minute.

"You are in love with that elven boy that comes to read to you." My face flushed. Leandra chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"You keep on forgetting Leandra I'm previously married. My husband…could still be waiting for me?" I said hesitantly.

"You have doubts." I bit my lip and looked down. The guilt slapped me in the face. "Raise your head. It is all right to doubt my dear. You have been away from home for how many years now?"

"Almost seven." I mumbled, raising my head but tried not to look at her in the eye.

"Seven years is a very long time to wait for someone, on both of your ends. For you to have stayed true to your husband…I have to applaud to that. There are many that would have fallen much earlier." Leandra sat down with her book.

"But…I hate feeling this way and at the same time I enjoy it. To actually fall in love again, I never expected it. It wasn't sudden but little by little the feeling came slowly. First I wanted him to be comfortable around me, then I wanted to hear his voice or see him smile. I wanted him to be happy and then I realized how much…it would be nice just to hold his hand." I confessed, my heart starting to race and my face heating up.

"That is love my dear." Leandra chuckled.

"I know that. I recognize that, I love him but…I can't do anything." I sighed and rested my chin in my hand.

"You can't or you won't? One is an excuse the other is a will. Which is yours?" Leandra asked sternly. I looked at my ring that felt more as a burden than a promise. When did I start thinking this way? I wanted to go home. I loved my husband and my kids. I held their memory dear to me and my heart. Yet I wanted my own happiness. All this time I've been working at everyone else's happiness. I made sure to get Carver and Merrill together, shoulder Hawke's burden so she can focus on her family, make Fenris more comfortable around everyone else, help Anders with his clinic and the mages he found. Hell, I even trained Aveline's guards!

Now that I thought about it, when did I last do something for myself? The last time I went out to Lowtown or the Hightown markets just to get something for me and not something for someone else?

But I couldn't be selfish. Not in this, not when it will hurt my husband. I had a choice in front of me. Do I continue with the way I was, controlling my feelings so I could stay true to my husband and go back home with my conscience clear? Or do I take a chance?

There was no sit back and wait on it. These feelings were going to drive me crazy unless I did something.

I didn't want to hurt my husband but for once I wanted to be happy.

"Think on it my dear." Leandra said, kissing me on top of my head. She went down the stairs while I was left with my thoughts. I sighed and rested my head in my arms, thinking.

"You're up. How do you feel?" Carver asked coming by and leaning against the table.

"Yo, I'm fine. I haven't seen you around lately." I sat up.

"I'm too busy following Merrill everywhere to do anything. I swear that woman cannot stay still especially with that mirror. She actually asked me if we can go get that weird item from her keeper to fix it." Carver grunted in frustration and paced.

"Are you going to go?" I asked.

"I will have to but…" Carver fidgeted with his fingers. He kept on peeking glances at me. I already knew.

"You're asking me to go aren't you?" I said with a deadpanned look.

"Once you're well, I-I'm not going to force you to go or anything." He stammered. I sighed and rubbed my face.

"All right, I'll go." I agreed.

"Good, once she completes that mirror, we can get on with making preparations for the baby." Carver sheepishly smiled and his face flushed. Carver was never really attractive to me but there was always a soft spot I had for dad's that loved their kids.

"Daddy carver, won't that be a thing huh?" I laughed.

"I'm surprised it happened. I…forgot to thank you for that." He cleared his throat.

"You don't have to thank me for anything." I chuckled.

"No I needed that kick in the ass and you gave it to me. Merrill…made me see how much of an ass I've been to everyone. I don't need to surpass my sisters or anyone else. The fact that Merrill sees me for who I am…it's enough." Carver softly smiled.

"Amazing how much loving someone can change you huh?" I said softly.

"Yes it is." Carver chuckled. I heard someone come in through the foyer and Anders came up the stairs were we were.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Anders sighed and rubbed his face.

"Hello to you too Anders." I chuckled.

"Anders." Carver nodded.

"Carver." Anders nodded back. I got up from my sit.

"I'm going back to the guest room. Once I'm cleared by this guy, I'll come along with you." I said making my way down the stairs with Anders.

"Thank you Nia." Carver called out.

"What was that?" Anders questioned.

"Just a promise Anders." I chuckled. I went into my room and he closed the door. I gave him my hand. He pulled a small knife and did a small cut. I hissed as he took that blood, infused his mana with it, and put it back in, closing the wound. It was a strange sensation of magic going through your body. It felt ticklish, cold, and slightly shocking.

"Bear with me for a second." Anders said, concentrating. Talen trained him slightly in the Deep Roads before he abandoned the mission. The rest he learned on his own though I've been sending his letters to Talen. "Your blood production is good, organs are well, and overall you are a very healthy woman." He let go of the mana and the odd feeling went away.

"That still feels weird." I flexed my hand, running my finger where he cut me.

"I rarely do it to a patient but you understand at least." Anders patted my head. I nodded. "What's wrong?" He held my hand.

"I…had a conversation with Leandra, nothing more." I looked down.

"Did she say something about you marrying Carver again?" Anders joked.

"No…" I intertwined my fingers with his. Anders face grew worried. My emotions that were displayed clear on my face.

"Now I know something is-" Anders started before I held him tight, grabbing onto his robes, and rubbing my face in his shoulder. "Nia!" He exclaimed.

"Can't I stay like this? Please?" I place my ear over his chest and I listened. It was his heart. His arms settled around me and he held me. I felt his thumb rub circles into my back and his head settled on top of mine.

"Why can't you tell me?" Anders asked.

"I'm sorry." I sighed and rubbed my face in his robes.

"You are always like this. You keep things from me I know that, a lot of things really. Then you put a smile on your face when something bad happens to you. You need to learn to depend on someone." Anders mumbled into my head.

I can't. I depended on Eren and I-. I couldn't do that with Anders. He hugged me tighter and for a second I thought I felt that pull again, the one that came from Justice. Anders pushed me away and rubbed his face for a second. He was bright red.

"Anders?" I was confused. He never pushed me away. He opened his mouth but he stuttered and couldn't say anything.

"I…I have to go." He opened the door and rushed out. I had no idea what happened.

9:34 Drakonis 21st

"So...how is it?" Arinda asked as I went over her papers.

"Not bad. Your penmanship is getting better but you definitely have to watch your ink. There are still a lot of blotches left on the paper." I nodded and encouraged. Arinda huffed and crossed her arms. I patted her head. "These things take time you know?"

"It's hard sometimes." Arinda pouted. I laughed. "How do you feel? Spiky told me the gist of what happened. Also, how could you have gone and tried to fight against a serial blood mage killer!?" I got up and put the papers away.

"I had to. They were targeting Hawke's mother but sometimes I tend to act before thinking." I rubbed my head sheepishly.

"No kidding." Arinda followed me out of her house. I walked past the massive tree and knocked on Merrill's home.

"I do feel better. Anders has been taking care of me. I'll introduce you one day so he can help with controlling your condition." I made sure not to mention she had magic. Arinda shrugged.

"Fine. I think I have it under good control..." She mumbled.

"Trust me, you need to be taught eventually." I jangled the door and it was open again. I rubbed my face. Merrill forgot to lock it again. I went inside. She wasn't in the main living room. I went further in and found Merrill sitting on the bare floor, looking up at the mirror. "Merrill, what did I tell you about sitting on the floor? You're going to wreck your lower back!"

"Hm? Oh! I didn't notice." Merrill giggled. I huffed while helping her up. Arinda watched curiously behind me.

"You really need to take better care of yourself. When was the last time you ate?" I asked. Merrill hummed and pondered. I rubbed my face and let out an exasperated sigh. "I know the mirror is important to you Merrill but you can't keep doing that."

"You are with child aren't you elf? Don't be so stupid that you forget to eat, you're not just eating for yourself." Arinda commented. Merrill looked taken aback.

"I do try but this mirror needs to be repaired. I am so close to fixing it! This is a piece of my people's history. I can't abandon it." Merrill argued. Arinda gave out a bitter laugh.

"If you're that concentrated on that fucking mirror then you might as well kill your child. You wouldn't want your own child to distract you from something so amazing." Arinda bitterly smiled.

"Arinda." I scolded.

"You wouldn't even understand. You are a child of this Alienage and you are not of the People. No matter what you say, I will make this mirror work and I will raise my child." Merrill countered.

"Your kid isn't probably going to be born elven are they? I've seen that one 'human' guy passing by here a lot. Don't think I haven't noticed it so that means your kid won't be a part of your people either! You are exactly what this world doesn't need; a mother who only wants to have a kid and never raise them for shit!" Arinda raised her voice.

"That is enough Arinda!" I put my foot down. Arinda took a step back when I shouted at her, Merrill close to tears.

"But-"

"No buts." I interrupted Arinda. "Go to your home. I'll give you more lessons later on in week." I said sternly. Arinda bit her lip and stomped her way out, slamming the door.

"Nia you have to help me. No matter what I do or try, the mirror doesn't work! I have an idea but I need you, please." Merrill grabbed my arm as her voice quivered and her tears dropping from her eyes. My heart wrenched. Arinda was right when she said Merrill was focusing too much on the mirror. I knew that later on she-. Even then, I still promised Carver.

"You have my support Merrill." I sighed, hoping this wouldn't bite me on the ass later on.

"Thank you! Thank you so much Nia...I think I'm starting to get hungry again." Merrill wiped her eyes.

"Yeah. Come on. Let me take you home."

9:34 Drakonis 22nd

I did my stretches, my tunic fitting loosely over me. Anders gave me his ok so that I could go and jump and do whatever. He didn't tell me why he ran that day and I didn't push him. It felt good to be home for once. I grabbed my daggers and practiced. I had to focus on the target, I had to-

"You know you will not get anywhere without someone to train with you." Fenris said, coming down from his room with his sword.

"Don't go too easy on me just because I've been in bed for the past week." I twirled my daggers and chuckled.

"I will not." Fenris smirked. Stupid stomach, stop flipping! I bit my lip to stop me from smiling stupidly. We got into position. I didn't feel the weight of my armor which gave me more fluidity. He stabbed but I side stepped out of it, I aimed for his throat but he ducked down. We were on opposite sides from where we started. He did his fast slashed on me but I twirled and evaded out, keeping to his back. He elbowed me out of my defensive position and aimed low. I jumped and ran toward him. Unfortunately my ankle gave and I wounded up crashing into him.

Either way I didn't lose my focus and planted my dagger above his throat. I was in a very compromising position though. I hadn't notice how it was compromising until it was with Fenris. I was straddling his hips. He stared up at me, sweat on his brow, his chest rising up with his breath. I kicked myself mentally and got up.

"Well I didn't expect me tripping and crashing into you but it worked out on my end." I chuckled, turning away. That flush went up past my neck and into my ears. "Gah! Great another one of my tunics got ruined…" I whined as I noticed the large slash across it. Fenris got up and rubbed the sweat off his brow.

"You should wear a few that hug your body instead of wearing something as loose as this." He said grabbing onto my tunic and looking at the few cuts he made.

"I do, it's underneath this one." I explained, pulling up the larger tunic and showing the one I was wearing underneath.

"Why do you wear so much clothing?" He asked.

"I have scars Fenris. I'd rather not have anyone seeing my back." I sighed.

"I would not mind it." Fenris shrugged with a hint of teasing in his voice.

"Sure." I rolled my eyes, taking off the upper tunic. I sighed. I liked this one, it was a pale green. "Besides I like my loose tunics. I'm not like you showing off your tattoos." I flicked his chin.

"You have a cut." He observed.

"I always have a cut somewhere." I chuckled. He grabbed my arm and put his hand on my waist. That was where it was. "It's just a small one, don't worry about it." I tried to shrug it off.

"Were you not the one that told me that a small cut like that can fester into something more?" Fenris looked at my eyes. This was a situation that went out of control. Just having his hand on my waist was…exciting. The light shocks from his hand didn't make it better.

"You…You!" I growled, realizing my own words were being used against me. Fenris chuckled. I tried taking my arm back and getting away by backing up, but I just made it worse by backing up into a wall. My face was burning. He was holding my arm and my waist.

"Your face is red…" He said softly. I put my hand on his chest to make him stop from coming closer.

"I know I can feel it!" My voice became higher pitched and I looked away.

"Why?" Fenris titled his head. I knew he was enjoying this.

"Why do you want to know? We just trained!" I shot back.

"Not for very long." Fenris smirked.

"Yeah but-" I tried to counter. He took my hand away from his chest.

"Why are you looking away?" He asked, stepping closer to me.

"Because you're way too damn close!" My heart was racing though I tried not to let it show.

"Does that bother you?" He said softly.

"Yes!" I squeaked. This was bad. If he got any closer then…

"Why?" His hand was on my waist and he was getting closer to me. I could feel the prickle of his hair on my forehead. The rush was moving all around my body and I couldn't deny the attraction I had for him. My body was telling me one thing, my heart was going bonkers, and my head was killing me with the guilt.

"Get off!" I pushed him away roughly and got my daggers. "Leave me alone!" I shouted running up to my room and slamming the door.

Oh it hurt to do that. I didn't want to hurt him but I had to stop this. The temptation was growing stronger and stronger and God I wanted to kiss him. I slid down the door. I felt that my heart was going to jump out of my chest, my breath was shallow, and my stomach was an elite gymnast doing its damnedest to flip.

Then my kids and my husband flashed in my mind. This was torture. This was cruel.

And I hated myself in so many ways.

-/-

Cassandra had finally given Varric something to drink on account of him clearing his throat numerous times. It was good beer, his favorite as well. Whether that was just a coincidence or something more was unanswered.

"I'm surprised that the princess had a larger role than what you wrote." Cassandra was going through what he wrote.

"Knives had a penchant for getting herself into trouble. She was always there for people. Even then, she hated the attention." Varric chuckled.

"Is that why you downplayed her role in your book?" Cassandra asked, glaring at him. Varric wondered if he would be able to break that off her face. He was determined to make her have another expression on her face besides wrath.

"Like I said, she didn't like the attention. The Free Marches was a boon to her. If she walked anywhere in Ferelden, she'd immediately be recognized especially with all the things she's done for people over there. Not to mention that Queen Anora uses what she's done to bolster Ferelden's reputation as well." Varric rolled his eyes.

"Do you believe in her story that she was from another world?" Cassandra asked.

"I have a feeling that you don't Seeker." Varric took another gulp.

"It is hard enough to grasp that she isn't human. That she is a being beyond the fade, beyond where our souls return to…it is a terrifying thought." Cassandra mumbled.

"Whether you believe it or not Seeker, it doesn't matter. Knives is Knives and she'll stay that way." Varric smiled softly.

"And her relationship with Anders?" Cassandra asked, putting down the Tale of the Champion.

"What relationship?" Varric raised his eyebrow.

"They were close." Cassandra stated and crossed her arms.

"Not as close as you think. After all, it says plainly here that she had a thing for our broody elf not our broody mage." Varric chuckled.

That didn't mean that Anders wasn't completely innocent though, Varric thought.

-/-

"You've been coming by here more recently." Varric wondered, seeing Anders with another cup in his hands. He was coming by more and more often. He nearly regretted putting everyone on his tab. Anders rubbed his face. "Your patients giving you a hard time again?" Varric asked, polishing Bianca.

"It's not my patients it's…well…" Anders fidgeted with his drink. Isabela walked by, a woman in her arm, and she winked at him. Anders couldn't help but look down.

"Now, now Blondie, you shouldn't mess with Rivaini. You'll get yourself into heaps of trouble." Varric took a sip of his own beer and chuckled.

"We've seen each other already thank you very much." Anders gulped down his drink and coughed. Varric nearly spat out his drink.

"You what?!" He exclaimed.

"We have seen each other on and off recently and I've gone to the Blooming Rose frequently as well. That's the problem." Anders groaned, rubbing his face and putting down his cup.

"Look if you have a sex obsession it's not-" Varric started.

"That's the thing! Justice is obsessing over Nia." Anders harshly interrupted, a glow right behind his eyes. Varric's smile dropped.

"What do you mean?" Varric growled. No one messes with his friends, not even weird spirits that were possessing his friends. Anders rubbed his face again.

"Lately…I've been having thoughts, concerning Nia. They aren't mine. It's Justice. I keep on recalling the memories he had of her, of how she helped him, of how he felt a companionship with her. The more he sees her, the more he wants her. I feel it in my being. Justice wants her, bad. Unfortunately it's starting to affect me." Anders got up and started to pace. Varric noticed that he was slightly trembling and that minor glow behind his eyes was very apparent.

"What do you mean by Justice wants Knives?" Varric glared.

"He wants her, body, soul, mind, everything. Truly if I wasn't keeping control of him, he would kidnap her and put her away in a room or a house and just have her there so no one can see or touch her. I don't know if it's because he's taken my own feelings or he's imprinted on her because of his old memories of his old body. I've been using everything I can to stave off his…desire but it's starting to grow harder. The last time I visited Nia, she hugged me. Just hugged me mind you, and Justice nearly took over to…take her. I had to run to the Rose after that in order to…why is this happening to me?" Anders nearly sobbed, ran his fingers through his hair, and held his head.

"That I can't answer Blondie. I don't deal with magic shit like this. Are you going to become a problem for Knives?" Varric lightly threatened.

"Never. I would never hurt her." Anders reassured. Varric glared before seeing that Anders was steadfast.

"Good. Keep it that way." Varric gave him a court nod.

-/-

9:34 Drakonis 23rd

"Merrill you ok?" I asked. She nearly tripped on a rock on the way to the Dalish camp. Carver held her hand. Her armor was slightly stretched around her belly. My own replacement armor was also giving me some trouble. My poor Dalish armor…I had to make due with some stock armor that Aveline gave me.

"I'm fine. They constantly move!" She giggled.

"Get used to it. Once you're big you can almost see the baby's hand against your skin." I said.

"That would be a weird thing to see." Varric chuckled. Isabela hugged me from behind.

"Please stop talking about babies for once? Can't we talk about something normal like sex?" Isabela cuddled.

"Isabella you are all about sex." I rolled my eyes.

"It's the best feeling in the world if you know how to do it." She breathed into my ear.

"The belly makes it trickier to do it." Merrill laughed.

"Too much information Merrill." I laughed. As we came nearer the camp, I saw Merrill fidgeting with her gloves.

"Oh what will the keeper think of me? I'm like this and…I'm going to be asking for the arinal'holm! She has this disappointing stare that turns your bones to jelly you know?" Merrill bit her lip.

"I know. She gave it to me once when I played too rough with the kids and one of them got hurt. She scolded me and told me I should have known better." I chuckled.

"How are the Dalish by the way? I haven't gotten any news update from you Knives." Varric asked.

"They're fine. They get along by themselves pretty well. They're halla searches are going bad though. They haven't bee able to find any close to the mountain."

"Don't they only come for elves? If you are looking for them, then you're only getting in the way right?" Carver asked.

"They haven't asked me to go with them and I doubt they will either. Some of the clan has accepted me but that doesn't mean that all of them do. I usually still get a few insults here and there, a few glares as well." I shrugged. "Not that big of a deal. As long as Nehnlen is fine, I'm fine with it." We approached the camp and I saw a hunter that recognized me.

"Andaran Atish'an."

"Andaran Atish'an Elriel." I nodded.

"Merrill." He glared at her and he did a deep frown when he saw her belly.

"Elriel. We are here to speak to Keeper Marethari." Merrill demanded.

"Go on then. We can't stop you." He scoffed.

"Thank you Elriel." I said. We went in and they were doing their usual duties here and there. Some would look my way and nod respectfully though half still tended to ignore us. I saw a few noticing Merrill's growing child. They did not approve would be an understatement.

"Tía!" Nehnlen said, running towards me and hugging my legs. He snuggled into me and I hugged him tightly back.

"Hey, it's been a while. Where's your mom?" I asked.

"She's out hunting. Look! I made my first carving!" Nehnlen smiled, a few teeth missing already. It was a badly crafted flower but I chuckled and ruffled his hair.

"That's good! Where is Marethari?" I asked.

"Over by the fire. Are you going to tell me more stories Tía?" Nehnlen asked, a joy in his eyes. He was so cute!

"Later, right now I have to do something for my friend." Nehnlen looked at Merrill and nodded somberly before running off again. The fact that Merrill still held onto the piece of the mirror that killed Tamlen and Mahariel burned in their hearts. We got near the center fire where Marethari was waiting. Merrill took a deep breath and Carver did a comforting squeeze on her shoulder. Varric, Isabela, and I stayed right behind her.

"Keeper." Merrill stated her arrival.

"Da'len…you…" The Keeper's eyes stand on Merrill's belly. There was that disappointing frown and angry eyes. "You have chosen then to stay within the city?" She said sternly.

"I…" Merrill gulped in nervousness. Carver moved beside her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Peace Keeper, we aren't here to instigate anything." I said.

"Nia." Marethari gave me a warm look. Merrill took a deep breath.

"I need the arulin'holm, Keeper. The ancient carving blade that Master Ilen keeps." Merrill announced.

"Then you have continued on your path to rebuild the eluvian." Marethari glared.

"I know you don't approve of my choice but you don't have to. I am invoking vir sulevanan. Whatever you wish for me to do, I will do it." Merrill nodded.

"At least I know I can still disapprove." Marethari gave a long sigh. "But it is your right. I will give you a task that you must complete, if you insist."

"Ma serannas Keeper." Merrill sighed in relief.

"Please take care of her Nia. At least she has a friend in you and in Hawke." Marethari told me.

"I can take care of myself Keeper." Merrill snapped. Marethari gave her a sad look.

"That I know da'len. Your task is to hunt down a varterral. It has taken the lives of three of our hunters." Marethari explained.

"Wait, one of those hunters is not-" I started.

"Alanni is fine Nia." Marethari assured me. I gave out a sigh of relief. "Its lair lies within a cavern in the mountainside. Find it and slay it. No one else must fall to its anger. If you complete this, then you can have the arulin'holm. May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent." Marethari sighed. Hah, Dread Wolf huh?

Well the D-. No one kn-.

Merrill nodded and we left the camp toward the way to the Cavern. Merrill had a sad look on her face.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Carver asked as we got near the hunting cavern.

"I must do this ma vhenan. The mirror needs to be completed. It is one of the things that my people can have left! I can't let Nia's kindness go to waste as well." Merrill argued.

"I don't want you getting hurt. The baby still needs you." Carver said softly.

"I know! I know…" Merrill said. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed.

"Merrill…" Isabella put her hand on her shoulder. Merrill wiped away her tears.

"Hormones. Make sure to stay behind us at all times ok Merrill?" I said.

"Of course." She cleared her throat. "Let's go."

* * *

 **Muhahah! Ahem, anyway, not much to say of course. Weird how some of the things that I'm writing about seem to mirror my own life...**

 **Shout out to DarkDust27, AnimeMangaLover35, and heartlessangel124 for favoriting/following! Congrats on ThelonewolfNT for the 300th review! :D**

 **EG:** _Halo and Quentin were both keeping her alive, that's why she didn't die_ :3  
 **Chimera Spyke:** _Yep. Quentin was like that you know? And yes Nia was at fault for going alone.  
_ **Buggy300:** _Yay! Welcome back! :D I missed you! There will be plenty of Halo stuff later!  
_ **PinkStalker23:** _Ok maybe I didn't explain it that well on Days of Our Lives (Which I'm planning on rewriting anyway) but Nia's entire body and soul are gone from the real world. There's nothing there so of course her husband might move on if there wasn't anything there. And thank you! Oh Orsino will get his just reward, trust me._

 **Thank you ThelonewolfNT (Hope things get better!), Anemone Iris Sidera, Dforce76, Guest, The Writer of this Story, and White Story for reviewing! Please Review!**


	39. Questions Answered, Love Found

9:34 Drakonis 23rd

As soon as we got near the cavern, the skeletons came to life. Merrill stayed behind casting her rocks spells. Carver came up and decapitated two in one swipe. Varric shot out a barrage that got three more. I smashed in some skulls alongside Isabela. I kicked one away and Carver took off its head. Merrill grabbed a skeleton that was coming near her with summoned vines. Varric took care of that one.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm fine. Spells don't require physical effort to cast. Let us go." Merrill said. We all looked at each other with worry. Sure spells wasn't the same as lifting a hammer or a dagger, but I was more worried whether something might hit her just right to hurt the baby. Carver really didn't want to do this but he also wanted her happy. Truthfully I thought that this was going to blow in our faces but I made a promise as well. As long as she stayed behind it was ok.

We went into the cavern. The sun shined through the cracks in the earth. We went down some old wooden stairs to the lower level. Giant spiders came down and nearly got the drop on us. Isabela and I tag teamed to take one down. Carver smashed one with a heavy blow from his sword. Varric kept on shooting at one that came near to Merrill. She grabbed onto a loose rock in the wall and it plummeted down to squish the spider.

Three more came down and these were the poisonous kinds. Isabela grabbed onto one of her bombs and threw it at them. They caught fire. I saw Merrill's hands sparkle with lighting. She let it out and it arced between all three of them. Varric shot off his arrows and I came to smash their abdomens once the lighting spell wore off. We were able to get at all of them before they spat poison on us.

I saw a body early before the fighting. I moved a spider's corpse to find one of the elven hunters. I sighed in sadness. I recognized him. Radha. He just turned twenty last winter and got his vallaslin earlier this year.

"May Falon'Din guide your soul to its rest lethallin." I said, folding his hand over his heart.

"Why were the hunters here in the first place?" Varric asked as I prayed for them with my own silent prayer.

"The Keeper sent them here to collect Dalish artifacts." Merrill was being helped my Carver down the steps as she explained.

"But whatever is down here is killing them so the Keeper sent these hunters to their deaths." Isabela scoffed.

"The varterral would usually leave us be. It doesn't attack elves. Something must have provoked it." Merrill sighed.

"Varterrals are stationed to protect something from intruders. Do you think the hunters might have pushed their luck?" I asked.

"I don't know." Merrill said quietly. We walked through the cave. Carver held onto Merrill as we walked through a wooden bridge. We went down some more stairs and found Harshal. I recovered his weapons and laid him to rest with another prayer.

Harshal was an excellent hunter who was already teaching a few of the older children how to shoot an arrow. I bested him in a duel a few years back. He tried to win again a few more times only for me to beat him. It wasn't until he challenged me to a duel with a bow that he won. I complained that it was because I wasn't used to fighting with one. He laughed at me and said that I should because I wouldn't know what would happen in the future. It was tough earning his trust and now he was gone.

He had a wife. Ineria…

"I am so sorry Harshal." Merrill sobbed, her voice heavy.

"At least we know have something for Ineria to remember him by." I said. We went up some stairs, following the path. There were various elven scriptures on the walls. Most were cracked, other ineligible. There were some ruined columns as we walked. The elves really were everywhere.

"Pst." Varric caught my elbow and looked at Merrill who was sighing and wiping her tears. "You think we should be doing this?" He whispered.

"It's what she wants." I whispered back.

"The mirror is consuming her Knives. I know you want to help but you have to see what's becoming of her. I don't want her to lose another set of family all because of one mirror." Varric whispered before letting me go. Isabela gave me a worried look. I sighed, going down the carved out stone stairs. We were hit by spiders again. Merrill gave out a powerful arc of lighting. They were twitching like crazy before the spell ended.

Carver smashed two of them with his heavy great sword. Varric kept them away from Merrill. Isabela and I slashed and smashed all that came near us. There weren't any poisonous ones that were fighting us this time. I squished the last one with an axe kick and groaned.

"Ugh, bug guts. I hate bug guts on my armor." I wiped my boot on a rock nearby.

"We'll fine a nice cold river for you to splash in later Knives." Varric chuckled.

We found another hunter. Chandan. He always loved to play pranks on the kids. In the end I wasn't able to convince him that I was only trying to help. He kept to his hatred. I recovered his amulet.

"We need to give these back to the clan so they won't be forgotten." Merril said, wiping her tears. As we walked to the lower levels, I saw Pol running away from us.

"Pol I know you're there. You never really mastered the Dalish sneaking technique." I yelled. I heard some shuffling near some columns and Pol came out.

"Nia? Oh praise Andras- I mean, the Creators. You have no idea how scared I've…" Pol neared toward us but stopped short when he saw Merrill.

"Aneth ara Pol. Are you hurt?" Merrill asked. Pol grew pale and stepped back.

"You…what are you doing here? Get away!" He shouted.

"Pol we've been through this before. Merrill can't hurt you." I tried convincing him that Merrill was not a person to be feared but Marethari had ingrained this story of her wickedness in them. I never understood it. I tried to combat it but I was only an outsider. I wasn't able to change the way they thought.

"No! You know what she is!" Pol shouted, walking backwards.

"Pol please." Merrill tried walking toward him.

"Stay away!" Pol ran away from us.

"Pol! Please, we need to catch up to him!" I ran after him. I was hoping to reach him before-. Down the stairs all the way to the lowest level. I saw the varterral. I've seen it-. This was the first time seeing it before my eyes. It had large stone like appendages, a small head with smaller limbs near it. It's stomps echoed in the cavern which was mostly dominated by moss but I could see parts of it build and polished. It reminded me of what I read in-. It's head snaked toward me. It was huge. A beast of stone and wood. Pol screamed as it came toward him.

"Pol!" I shouted while running toward him. I saw it raise a boulder near Pol. I got out my daggers and smashed my knuckles against its foot. It shrieked at me and used its powerful leg to kick me away. I skipped on the ground, crashing into everyone save for Merrill. I got up, disoriented while everyone ran toward the varterral. I shook myself out of it and ran. Merrill launched her lightning attack but it barely did any damage. Carver was sent hurtling away while Isabela tried slashing at it.

"My daggers aren't doing anything!" Isabela yelled. It stomped near her, crushing a boulder. The smaller rocks hurled toward Isabela and she cried out in pain. Varric kept on shooting at it but only a few arrows were piercing its tough hide. It shot off a spit of poison at Varric. By sheer luck he managed to dodge it but the ground surrounding its attack corroded instantly. I ran toward it, using my knuckles to smash through it's hide. I couldn't even make a dent. It shrieked at me again, stomping all around me in order to squash me. I evaded its legs but then it began to shower everything in a poison mess.

I shrieked when a few drops managed to drop on my armor. It burned my skin and I grunted in pain. I tried to get away to make some room in between us. I saw Isabela limping away. Varric kept with his barrage while Merrill was too far to deal any worthwhile damage. I grabbed a quick potion and smothered my wounds with it. I saw Carver did a successful attack on its legs, breaking through its hide. I let out a smile of relief before it kicked him away.

"We're getting pounded!" Varric screamed. I lost track of Pol with the chaos of the Varterral attacking us.

It shrieked again and giant spiders joined the mix. I cursed in my head. There was too much poison surrounding the Varterral. I couldn't get near it. Merrill screamed as a spider dropped down and pushed her to the ground. Varric ran to her aid. Carver shouted as he smashed spiders everywhere. He was too far away to get to her. Isabela, with various cuts and a gash on her calf, tried to slash the spiders out of the way.

Then the Varterral jumped into their group, killing the spiders that it called on but it was right in front of Varric, Merrill and Isabela. I saw Varric use his adrenaline to good use and nearly carried both Isabela and Merrill even though there was blood gushing from a head wound. The Varterral kept on shooting poison at them, nearly getting them a few times.

I had no choice.

"No!" Carver shouted, scared for Merrill's safety. I put away my daggers and ran over to where Carver was at.

"I'm borrowing this!" I shouted. I grabbed his greatsword and lugged it as best as I could. I took a deep breath and shook away my fear. I only used this power to protect my friends. That was all I was doing right now. I let my power fill me again. The slight tunnel vision, the itching on my back returned. There was no way in hell that I was going to let this varterral hurt Merrill. I shouted as I sprinted toward it, the greatsword in my hand feeling light as a feather. I did one slash on the leg and severed it. It roared and looked back at me. I growled and did another slash, severing the leg perpendicular to the other stump. It wobbled on its two feet before lunging at me.

It's body crashed near on top of me. I sustained it with my strength as its little arms worked its way through the armor that Aveline gave me. I growled as it bit into my shoulder. I did a great heave and force it on the ground. I grabbed the greatsword that I let go and plunged it through its head.

It slumped over on the ground. I knew it wouldn't die though. These will always regenerate eventually but, for now, we were safe. I let go of the power and felt the blood coming out of my nose. I let go of Carver's sword and fell to the ground, coughing up blood, making a small puddle.

"Knives!" Varric shouted. I heard his feet coming toward me. I pushed myself up from the ground, sitting against a boulder, spitting out some more blood. "Here." Varric offered me a potion. I said a quiet thanks and drank it. I shuddered as I wiped away my face. Isabela and Carver stood away from me. I had to explain again. Shit. I was getting tired of this. The same fear was showing on their faces. Betrayal, confusion, but most of it was fear.

Who couldn't help but think of themselves as a monster when met with those eyes?

I got up, shakily. Varric helped me by lending me his shoulder. I saw Marrill hobble toward Pol's mangled body. The poor guy was underneath the Varterral when it went on its stomping rampage. There was nothing else we could do. Merrill sobbed, getting down to her knees as she saw Pol's body.

"No…no…we can help him can't we? It isn't too late?" Merrill urged.

"We could if we would Daisy but he's gone." Varric shook his head. Merrill sobbed.

"Why? Why did you run? You shouldn't have run." Merrill cried. I let go of Varric. I walked over and knelt down. I closed Pol's eyes. He was always the oddball of the group. He switched in between believing in Andraste and the Creators. He tried so hard trying to recite the old language and this was his fate. I couldn't change anything again.

"Swiftly do stars burn a path across the sky, Hast'ning to place one last kiss upon your eye, Tenderly land enfolds you in slumber, Softening the rolling thunder, Dagger now sheathed, bow no longer tensed, During this, your last hour, only silence. May Falon'Din carry your soul Pol." I recited. Merrill wiped away at her tears.

"Thank you Nia." Merrill sighed.

"Is anyone wondering what was the whole light show about? No just me?" Isabela wondered. I tensed.

"Nia isn't human. She's part spirit." Merrill explained. I gave her a sidelong glance.

"What?" Carver, Isabela, and I said at the same time.

"You knew?" I wondered. Merrill bit her lip and nodded.

"We can talk about this later. Something about this is very, very wrong. Let's go back to camp." Merrill announced. There was anger in her eyes. I nodded and helped her up. As I turned to the group Carver flinched away from me.

"You know I'm getting really sick and tired of that reaction." I said with irritation.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Carver asked.

"Look at what you're doing and you tell me why." I glared. Carver and Isabela gave each other a look. I stepped away from Merrill, scoffing in anger. I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent me from saying anything scathing. Carver stayed close to Merrill. Isabela gave me a questioning glance while Varric and I headed up first.

"Pol…he thought of me as a monster. Why would he look at me like that?" Merrill whispered.

"Sometimes men do stupid things Merrill." Isabela sighed. As we went up the upper level, corpses came to life. I smashed one while Varric got the other two that were with us. Three more came to life near Merrill, Isabela, and Carver. Merrill was having none of it. She controlled the earth into a wave and sent all of them flying.

"Someone must have been saying something about me in camp. Did you see the way they glared at me?" Merrill's anger poked through again.

"We all saw Merrill. It could have also been the fact that you're pregnant with my child." Carver explained.

"But they wouldn't know that right away!" Merrill nearly shrieked.

"Let's save the questions until we get there Merrill." Isabela said. We got near the main entrance as I saw more skeletons and a horror. I launched myself at the horror first, sinking my blades into its eerie flesh and another dagger into its throat. It fell as the skeletons were laid to waste by Carver's blades and Isabela's daggers. Varric shot one to pieces when it tried to get close to Merrill.

Skeletons came go to life all around us. Merrill shot out lighting and commanded the earth against them. I smashed every single skull that I saw. It was therapeutic. Carver lopped off a few heads. Varric made sure to shoot anyone that came close to our group. Isabela ran up and high kicked, decapitating another one.

"Let's hope that the last of them." I said, going up. I felt their gaze on me as I led them. Carver helped Merrill as we got out of the cave and went back into the Dalish camp.

"We have slain the varterral Keeper." Merrill nodded.

"Ma serannas. It will do my heart good knowing that we will not lose anymore hunters to them." Marethari sighed in relief.

"We recovered these as well." I said, handing her the amulets.

"I will make sure to give them to their families." Marethari frowned.

"We lost Pol…in the cave. He ran at the sight of me, into the Varterral." Merrill explained with a hint of anger.

"Many in the clan fear that you will bring the corruption back from the mirror, or worse." Marethari confessed.

"Where did they get that idea?" Merrill growled.

"I had to warn them of the dangers da'len. It is my job as a Keeper. I would ask that you reconsider this but…in your condition I'm afraid that you can no longer return to us." Marethari put her foot down. Merrill bit her lip and her hands strayed to her belly.

"I don't care what any of you think. Just because she decided to have a child with someone she loves, doesn't mean that you have to ostracize her from the only place she's ever grown to care as a home!" Carver snapped.

"Carver please. Keeper, I will continue on my path. There's nothing you can do for me now." Merrill swallowed.

"The eluvian is a trap da'len. It cost us Mahariel and Tamlen. It led you to blood magic. How far will you allow it to take you from who you are?" Marethari snapped.

"And who am I Keeper? It doesn't matter. We have done as you asked. I request the arulin'holm." Merrill looked away. Marethari already had it in her hand. She gave me a world weary face.

"Nia…you have grown with us these many years so I entrust this heirloom to you for safekeeping. Please, do not let her do this." Marethari said, giving me an amazingly detailed carving tool. She sighed looking at Merrill before going off to deliver the amulets. I saw Alanni in one part of the camp along with Nehnlen. The tool was in my hand.

"Oh thank the Creators. I thought for sure she would go back on her word." Merrill sighed in relief, the tension in her body finally being released. I knew the mirror was consuming her but I had to trust Carver in keeping her straight. Then there was her baby to think about. I don't think Merrill would abandon them for the mirror.

"Merrill, be careful and don't lose it." I said, giving her the tool.

"Thank you Nia. I knew you would understand. Let's go. I'd rather not stay here any longer." Merrill looked extremely tired.

"You guys go. I need to stay and ask Marethari a few questions." I said.

"You sure about that Knives?" Varric asked, looking at the slight hateful glances passed out way.

"I'm sure. Stop looking at me like I'm going to kill you Carver." I rubbed my face.

"I'm...not." Carver cleared his throat.

"I will try to explain it to him." Merrill nodded.

"And to me please because I have no clue what happened." Isabela sighed. Merrill nodded.

"I will. Thank you again Nia." Merrill gave me a quick hug. They left the camp and I rubbed my neck. It was time to get answers. I went to Marethari that was giving Ineria Harshal's amulet. "Keeper. I have a few questions regarding my…condition."

"Of course Nia." Marethari agreed.

"I'm sorry Ineria that we didn't come sooner." I bowed low.

"No. I thank you for retrieving this for me." She nodded towards me and Marethari led me toward one of the tents. She led me inside.

"Marethari, you said that I was slowly turning into a spirit. How is that possible?" I asked bluntly. She sighed.

"Sit down Nia and I will try to explain it to you." Marethari requested. I did as she asked and she gave me some herbal tea. "Our teachings tell us there are no distinctions between demons and spirits. They are all spirits and they are all dangerous but there are some teachings of the Chantry that ring true. There are spirits who help mortals. These are extremely rare. Most spirits try to venture into the real world, demons that hunger for the world and use our bodies as gates to come to the other side. Yet you are possessed by one that show none of these traits. It nurtures you, guides you but it is an oddity. How are you in possession of a spirit if you are not a mage?" Marethari explained, sitting across from me. I bit my lip.

"I…had an experience where I was thrown into the fade when I was near death. My spirit was able to…drag me into the fade, in physical form no less, and left me in a place where they knew I would be saved." I explained.

"That in of itself is impossible Nia. No one has breached the fade physically since the magisters of old." Marethari kept her cunning gaze on me but I put up my hands in a peace gesture.

"I don't know much about it Marethari. I'm only telling you what I've been through and I'm telling the truth, I swear." I confessed. Marethari gave me a nod after a moment of silence. "After that I was able to go into the fade, not willingly of course. I never controlled it but I went into the fade and walked with my spirit. Unfortunately during my travels with the Grey Wardens back in Ferelden, there came a place where…I died. The veil was weak and my spirit passed through. They gave me my life back. The spirit told me that it gave me a piece of it but the rest of its essence has stayed in the fade."

"Have you gone back to the fade recently?" She questioned.

"Truthfully, I go there every other night but I don't walk it like I do before. It's almost as if something was cradling me or helping me fall back to sleep. What I don't get is this me turning into a spirit thing." I told her. Marethari rubbed her chin.

"The spirit inside of you…it has power does it not?" Marethari asked. I nodded. "Can you command this power?"

"Slightly. It is…an enormous amount of power. I can try but it usually overwhelms me. I can control it to an extent but not by much." I sighed, looking at my scars on my wrist. I could only do so much.

"It could be a side effect of using your spirit's power too much. The more you use it, the more your soul transforms. It could be that you and your spirit were once two separate being but the more you draw from it, the more it takes of you and the more you take of it. Soon it will be difficult to even see where you begin and where the spirit ends. It was bound to you the moment it saved your life and now you two are melding together." Marethari explained.

"...This is bad, isn't it?" I clenched my fists and put down my cup.

"I do not know. What kind of spirit is yours?" Marethari questioned.

"Well, I can say it's a being of protection." I nodded.

"Have you found any sort of grand changes in you?" Marethari asked, refilling my cup. My hands strayed to my shoulders and the scars.

"The spirit marked my skin and my friends have told me that when I control the power, my eyes become gold." I confessed.

"Is this it? There are no personality changes in you?" Marethari asked. I tried my hardest to remember.

"None that I can think of. I've been the same for…as long as I can remember. Nothing much has changed personality wise. Although there have been a few times where I used the power…not in the way it was intended. I felt…heavy, like my body was made of lead. It felt…horrible." I bit the inside of my cheek.

"You must be careful. Spirits are in a matter of speaking, selfish. They are very dangerous and to have seen you so bound to this one...I cannot say that I am comfortable having you here at camp." Marethari said.

"What? No! I swear this won't get out of hand keeper! Please! Keep letting me visit, don't take-" Don't take Nehnlen from me. I see him as one of my children the same with Arinda. I can't lose them. Marethari had a discernible look.

"You are a danger...but I can't overlook what you have done for my people. You are allowed to visit but if you ever show that power around us, you will be struck down. Do I make myself clear?" Marethari glared.

"Yes Keeper. Thank you and thank you for answering my questions." I sighed in relief, getting up to go home.

"Is Merrill happy?" Marethari asked as I reached for the flap.

"She is very happy." I smiled. She sighed and nodded. I took that as my cue to leave. I sighed and rubbed my face as I went out of the camp. There was a lot that I thought about as I walked back toward the gates. The more I used Halo's power, the more Halo and I melded together. I really was becoming more spirit like.

If this was happening why didn't the Halo that resided in the fade reach out and explain things to me? I dream of the fade but nothing remotely happens there anymore. I reach out but I don't get anything back. I can't ask Halo questions about this. Even he keeps me at length. I made sure to write to Talen.

I came back home exhausted. I knew that Isabela and Carver would want some details as to what happened back in the cavern eventually. Hopefully Merrill was able to explain to Carver that I'm not a monster or a freak or an abomination.

I sighed, taking off my armor in my room. I saw the splatter of the poison. I wouldn't be able to use this anymore. I'll have to ask Aveline for another loan. Then I saw the irritated blotches on my skin when the poison pierced through. I sat on my bed. Halo…I have so many questions. I went to my drawers and took out a few of my clothes. I needed a good moment alone and needed to mend my burns. I went down the stairs and saw Fenris coming up. I stopped in my tracks. I haven't talked to him since that one day where I told him to leave me alone. Fenris saw me and stopped. He looked away, his fists clenching.

"You were gone the whole day." He mumbled.

"Oh yeah, I, um, I had to do something for Merrill." I stammered.

"You look tired." He looked up at me

"Oh God I am." I chuckled weakly. That seemed to ease the tension and I saw him smile slightly. Fenris chuckled. "Fenris about the whole…leave me alone thing. I'm sorry." I shuffled my feet as Fenris walked up the stairs and met me face to face.

"You do not have to apologize. It was wrong of me. I will not force you any longer." Fenris came really close again.

"O-Oh yeah totally, um, please give me some space though." I said, looking away with my face flushed.

"Hmph. Your face is red." Fenris gave me a victorious smirk.

"Yes thank you Captain Obvious." I cleared my throat. Fenris chuckled while going up the stairs. Curse that elf!

9:34 Drakonis 24th

I groaned as I looked at the splattered armor that was barely able to hang off the rack. Aveline was going to kill me but I had to explain to her why the armor she lent me was completely destroyed. I wasn't comfortable going out without any sort of protection but I at least had my weapons. I sighed and went out of my room. Fenris was in the main hall doing a few routines with his greatsword.

"Where are you going?" Fenris asked as I tightened the straps on my daggers.

"I'm going to visit Aveline. The armor she gave me is completely ruined and I'm going to need to let her know that I need another one. Want to come?" I offered.

"I have nothing better to do." Fenris shrugged, putting away his sword.

"Awesome." I said. My stomach did its flip again but I ignored it. At least with Fenris around I won't get randomly jumped in the city. We went out and headed over to the Keep.

"If it isn't Nia with her lover?" Hawke said, coming up beside me and putting her arm around my shoulders.

"Seriously after three years and you have nothing new?" I laughed.

"Well excuse me princess!" Hawke scoffed.

"Don't call me that!" I pushed her off me while she kept chuckling. Varric chuckled behind us.

"So what brings you over to the Keep?" Varric asked.

"Remember how my armor got hit by poison? I have to let her know I need another set." I explained.

"Why don't you go off and buy some custom made stuff?" Hawke asked.

"Because I was spoiled by Master Armorers back in Denerim and by craftsman in the Dalish." I confessed.

"At least you realized you have a problem being picky." Hawke laughed. We went inside Vigil's Keep where the hustle and bustle never stopped. We passed by those coming in to complaint or were on other duties to go into the Barracks. Hawke opened the door to the Captain's office and Aveline was at her desk with papers surrounding her. She looked up and nodded to all of us.

"Nia, Hawke, Fenris, Varric. To what do I owe this visit?" She asked.

"I came by to visit you but Nia is here to tell you that her armor is scrap metal." Hawke announced. Aveline made a face and I face palmed.

"Thank you Hawke." I rolled my eyes while she laughed. "The set you gave me got into a tumble with a very poisonous...animal. It's acid burned through most of it and I'll need something else or someone you can point me too."

"Of course but...well a favor for a favor, Nia. I need you to do something for me." Aveline look strangely nervous.

"Sure." I shrugged.

"It's something small but…well I worry about it. I need you to give something to Guardsman Donnic. No questions asked and he cannot find out that it was from me." Aveline explained. I kept my stupid grin to myself. I gave the others a look. "Please Nia, I've done you favors before."

"I wasn't going to say no." I chuckled. I already-.

"Here and tell of his reaction." Aveline forced something into my hand. I ran my thumb across the copper piece with the marigold on it. The others shrugged at me. I decided to have a bit of fun with this.

"Ok, I'm walking away now with this copper piece…To Donnic that's in the room over. Just going over there right-" I started.

"Nia!" Aveline interrupted with her face going red.

"Fine, I'm going." I laughed. I walked over to the barracks where I saw Donnic looking over some news.

"Yo Donnic." I waved.

"Your highness." He smirked. I rolled my eyes.

"Ah yes that same moniker that you always use. Come on Donnic we've shed blood together and I've knocked you flat on your ass numerous times. I think we can drop the formality by now." I crossed my arms. He laughed.

"Of course Nia. What brings you to the barracks?" He asked.

"I had to talk to Aveline about something but other than that, just came around to see everyone. Here, this is for you." I nonchalantly gave Donnic the present.

"A copper relief of…marigolds? Yes they are, it even says so right here. Marigolds. Huh, how crafty? Is there a meaning to this that I should know about?" He looked confused.

"I'm not entirely sure actually. There should be though." I shrugged.

"Oh of course. Well I shouldn't keep you waiting on those recruits or what Aveline would like you to do, Nia." Donnic nodded. I nodded back and got out of the room. The others were waiting near the doorway. I let out a breath.

"That got awkward." I rubbed my face.

"What is Aveline thinking?" Hawke got close and whispered to me.

"How should I know?" I motioned back to her office. "I'm back." I sighed.

"Of course you're back. You are always getting things done. Good or ill. So…what was his reaction?" Aveline paced and fidgeted with her straps.

"He didn't get it, whatever it was supposed to be." I said bluntly. She looked taken aback.

"He didn't? I thought I was being clear. Metal is strong. Copper ages well. Flowers are soft." She explained. All of us gave each other looks.

"Uh what?" Varric wondered.

"I have no idea." Hawke replied. Aveline let out a breath.

"Ok I did that wrong. Here take this instead and put it on the roster. These are the patrols for next week. Just listen to his reaction for me will you?" Aveline gave me the slip of paper. I gave her a deadpanned look.

"You know the roster is not two steps that away. You could do this yourself." I pointed right at the roster not four steps away from the office.

"I need to know his reaction without me standing over him." Aveline shook her head.

"Aveline if Donnic has crossed a line, you could haul him off. You have the power to do that or have you forgotten?" Varric crossed his arms. Fenris nodded with him.

"This isn't an accusation or anything of the sort. I need someone…unofficial to do this." Aveline gave out a long sigh.

"I still see no point in this." Fenris shook his head.

"I agree." Hawke sighed. Wait until-.

"Ok. Here I go. I'm going to post this roster over there. I am inching my way-" I started walking backwards.

"Nia!" Aveline said exasperated.

"Yes Captain." I laughed. All of this for one man? I went over to the roster and changed it out. I leaned against the wall while the others stared from Aveline's office. I fidgeted with my gloves for a bit, a small smirk on my face when they noticed the roster.

"Hey Donnic, who's rear end have you been greasing to get Hightown?" Brennan said.

"What? You're daft. I'm working the skinnings over across town." Donnic came over next to Brennan. I hid my grin behind my hand.

"It says here that you're working the Hightown square. Always been a make work job that one. You someone's pet now?" Brennan joked.

"Check your eyes. This is a mistake…You have got to be kidding me. I can't believe I got that post." Donnic rubbed his face. I went back and Varric and Hawke were snickering.

"So he wasn't too thrilled about the roster." I said, checking my nails, leaning against the wall. Varric and Hawke couldn't stop snickering to themselves. "He thinks it's a punishment."

"What? But Hightown is a safe patrol, a reward." Aveline explained.

"You wanted his reaction and you got it." I shrugged, absentmindedly picking at a broken nail. Aveline sighed and paced.

"No, no. I can fix this…I need three goats and a sheaf of wheat. You'll take it to his mother." She stared at me so earnestly I couldn't help but bust out laughing.

"Jesus Christ Aveline, what in the hell for?" I chuckled.

"It's a dowry tradition to…smooth over the process." Aveline mumbled. The office got quiet and I hid my smile behind my hand.

"I think my jaw just dropped in the Deep Roads." Varric gasped.

"Not a word dwarf." Aveline snapped.

"Of course not Guard Captain! I wouldn't dream of mocking your…unconventional courtship." Varric couldn't hide his laughter anymore.

"This makes sense now." Fenris nodded, his own smirk on his face.

"You know, you're going about this all wrong Aveline. All you need to go is go up to Donnic and tell him your feelings. It's easy, watch." I said, grabbing Hawke's hands in my own and staring her in the face. "Hawke, I am madly in love with you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Oh my. This is so sudden!" Hawke laughed.

"Can you two please take this seriously?" Aveline growled.

"Come on Aveline it's so easy. Here, I'll bring Donnic and-" I started over to the door. Aveline closed it roughly and pushed me away from it.

"You will do no such thing Nia! I was there for you when I had to solve your love woes!" Aveline squeaked out. My face flushed.

"Knives has love woes?" Varric laughed harder.

"Do tell." Hawke smirked, inching herself closer to me.

"I-I, this isn't about me!" I stuttered.

"Nia I need your help. You know how it is and how hard it is! You've been married before!" Aveline pleaded.

"Yes and it's easy doing the adult way and going up to him and just straight up telling him." I retorted.

"Can you really do that with-" Aveline looked over to Fenris before I wedged in between.

"Like I said, it isn't about me Aveline." I put my foot down.

"It's not that easy!" Aveline raised her voice.

"Yes it is!" I poked her armor. Everyone else was just loving this as I saw all of their smirks.

"I can't just bring him in here and…and…I can't! I am his Captain, he's my guardsman!" Aveline groaned in defeat.

"There are places where you two can just be…you know, normal." Varric offered.

"Where in the world is that?" Aveline scoffed.

"The Hanged Man." Fenris said. We all looked at Aveline. She relented.

"Ok, ok. Go out there and invite him for me. Don't mention me, just let him know as a group or something all right?" Aveline stumbled and pouted. I rolled my eyes and groaned.

"Really it's as easy as taking him aside and-" I tried to explain.

"Nia, I swear you try to do that to you know who!" Aveline poked at me. I growled and swatted her hand away while my face grew redder.

"Now I am curious." Fenris focused on me but I made sure not to pay any mind to him.

"You know whatever." I shrugged, my ears feeling warm as well.

"Your face is as red as her hair Knives." Varric laughed.

"Shut it!" I let out an aggravated breath. I opened the door again and calm down. My cheeks were still pink but I controlled my breathing as I walked up to Donnic, still cursing the roster. I cleared my throat. "Yo Donnic."

"Nia. I see you're still in the Keep." Donnic sighed.

"Yes I am." I crossed my arms.

"Are you and Aveline all right? She slammed the door and I heard shouting." Donnic asked.

"She was made that I broke one of the armors I gave her." I lied. "Hey, didn't I owe you a story the last time I came here?" I wondered.

"Yes now that I remember it. You were about to tell me the one about the Broodmother I believe." Donnic rubbed his chin.

"I swear that one is my most popular. I don't see why though. How about I tell it to you at the Hanged Man later tonight?" I offered.

"Of course." Donnic chuckled.

"Good. I'll meet you there then." I went back to Aveline's office and shut the door. "There and done. Now you better be there Aveline or I'm going to take things into my own hands." I warned. Aveline gulped in anxiousness.

"Thank you Nia. Well, I guess I'll see all of you at the Hanged Man later?" Aveline nodded tersely.

"This I do have to see to believe." Hawke giggled.

"Oh be quiet Hawke!" Aveline snapped. She laughed. I rolled my eyes. "Nia, I'll give you another set after this. I want Donnic to be relaxed while you're there."

"Really? No armor? Don't you realize how naked I feel without it?" I joked. Aveline gave me those puppy eyes. "Only because I love you so much Aveline." I sighed.

"You are a true friend Nia." Aveline smiled.

"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes. This was going to be a disaster.

* * *

 **So another update! I'm going to stop updating Days of Our Past come January because I'm going to be rewriting Days of Our Lives. Due to my meticuplate future planning as to what I'm going to do with this fic, and my writing that has gotten better I looked at my first story...and it needs work, a lot more work. So for that reason, come new year this will stop until I finally update Days of Our Lives and Days of Our Time. More explanation will come with time and thank you all for your patience.**

 **This also is coming with the fact that I've been hit with a slew of very personal problems that has actually hit my muse and has caused me to stop writing. So please bear with me, this will not end!**

 **Anyway, Shout out to wilfred . lomboy, photon1999, and AmberJF for favoriting/following!**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _Yes, if only Anders traveled south instead of North._  
 **PinkStalker23:** _That will be answered later of course, much later lol  
_ **MononokeHime:** _It's more than a love triangle. I have plans, lovely plans for all three of them. Inquisition will come and I can't answer more than that lol Also the poll clearly stated that people would mind as long as there were warnings. It will be included but you can skip over it easily, trust me.  
_ **Onitsu Blackfeather:** _Just the reaction I wanted! :D  
_ **AmberJF:** _I'm glad you're liking it so far and that I'm glad that my story stands out from the rest :3_

 **Please Review!**


	40. A Burden

9:34 Drakonis 24th

After we all agreed that we would be there at the Hanged Man for Aveline, we all came out of the office. I knew what we were in for and I was already semi-regretting it. Hawke laughed as she put her arm around me.

"Now that we're out of the office, I have to ask; love woes?" Hawke teased.

"Not your problem Hawke." I pouted, shrugging off her arm.

"Knives you haven't had many problems as of recently besides getting crucified and this is only the juiciest piece of your history that I've come to know of recently." Varric rubbed his hands together.

"Besides traveling with the Hero of Ferelden?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Exactly. Now, love woes?" Varric quoted Hawke. I rubbed my chin in thought.

"Hm let's see, it's none of your guys business." I stated, walking back to the mansion.

"Nia don't keep us in suspense!" Hawke laughed, hugging me from behind. I growled in frustration and furrowed my eyebrows.

"Look even the broody elf wants to know!" Varric shouted. Fenris indeed has his curious face on but I wasn't budging.

"No!" I scoffed as I got out of Hawke's hug. She grabbed me and made me face her.

"Nia, we're friends aren't we?" Hawke asked in a sad voice, looking at me, her hands on my shoulders. My face flushed before I shrugged off her hands. I knew what she was trying to do and puppy dog eyes aren't enough to get me to confess.

"Like I said, no." I power walked over back to the mansion, my face red, hearing Varric and Hawke's voices in the background. Curse Aveline. Curse you! Note to self; never tell Aveline your deepest, darkest secrets. I swung open the door and Fenris, who I really didn't want to talk to, was right at my heels.

"What was that all about?" Fenris asked.

"Can't you see? Aveline is in love with Donnic." I avoided him, hoping to get to my room.

"That is not what I was referring to." Fenris caught up to me and stood in front of me in the main hall. I made sure to look anywhere besides his eyes.

"You mean her weird advances? To each their own." I shrugged.

"You are avoiding the subject." Fenris pressed.

"Maybe I don't want to talk about the subject hm?" I snapped and crossed my arms.

"Love woes?" Fenris raised his eyebrow.

"Jesus Christ, just let it go!" I scoffed, trying to get past him but he wouldn't let me.

"Are you in love with anyone?" He asked bluntly. I felt my face heat up and rolled my eyes.

"Why must you know?" I mumbled.

"I am curious." Fenris

"Looks like you're going to live with that curiosity for the rest of your life then." I did my foot twirl and tried to get up to my room. He grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.

"I have never seen you this flustered." He smirked.

"Oh wipe that smirk off your face. I'm not telling you anything." I snapped, slapping his hand off my shoulder. He looked taken aback.

"You-" He started.

"I said no!" I slammed the door in front of him. I banged my head against my desk. Curse you Aveline! This was getting harder and harder. There are nights that I dream about Fenris now. Some were nice and others were more...anyway, I was seriously getting frustrated with the fact my feelings were getting stronger. My only refuge was my room at this point. I really didn't want to stay in cooped in like this. The house was getting messy again.

I sighed and hit my head again. There was no use worrying about it now. I'll just have to keep up the avoiding behavior as much as I could. Still, that look of hurt on Fenris' face was hard to accept. I took out a few letters and decided that if I was going to stay in here, then I might as well start writing. After I was done with that, I stretched and did a few exercises. Then I went to my bookshelf and read. I did anything to pass the time where I didn't have to go out of the room. Pretty soon it was getting dark.

I banged my head against the door for good measure. I took a deep breath and opened my door. The low light of the torches and the moon light streaming in always made the house look more otherworldly. I went down the stairs and to the main door.

"Oh God, why am I even getting myself in this mess?" I mumbled.

"You promised." Fenris said behind me. I got startled before annoyance kicked in. Fenris was going to go because he said he was.

"Shut up." I pouted.

"Nia, about earlier-" He started. I let out a breath.

"No, we are not doing this now. We're going over to the Hanged Man and we're getting this over with." I bit my lip.

"Why are you so agitated?" Fenris asked.

"I am not agitated." I raised my voice.

"Ever since Aveline mentioned that there was someone…" He gave me a sidelong look as we got out of the mansion.

"Shut it Fenris, I'm not telling you." I said through clenched teeth.

"We are friends right?" He asked. I groaned.

"Oh don't even try to use that argument against me." I said, slamming the door to our mansion shut.

"Are you two doing a marital spat again?" Hawke said coming up beside me as we walked past her estate.

"We are not together!" I snapped again. I was getting really irritated. This was about Aveline, not me. Unfortunately my friends weren't haven't it any other way.

"Ooh coming off a bit strong aren't we?" Hawke chuckled. We were going over to the stairs to head off to Lowtown.

"Can't we just go down to the Hanged Man and get this over and done with?" I rubbed my face.

"Of course…are you going to tell me about that lucky man in your life?" Hawke elbowed me and teased me.

"Piss off Hawke." I grumbled, taking the lead, hoping to get to the Hanged Man as quickly as possible to avoid them.

"I have a feeling she's mad." Hawke whispered loudly.

"She has been like this since we have seen Aveline." Fenris humphed.

"Ah it must be that mystery man." Hawke snapped her fingers and snickered.

"I can hear you two very clearly!" I looked back and snapped.

"We are not trying to keep it to ourselves you know." Fenris looked away and mumbled.

"I dislike you two right now." I let out an aggravated sigh and walked faster toward Lowtown.

"Aww didn't you propose to me just a few hours ago." Hawke giggled and linked arms with me.

"That was then, this is now." I bit my lip. My face was getting red again.

"So who is it that you can't confess to?" Hawke leaned in really close. Then I saw the Hanged Man. Never have I been so happy to see a place that smelled like cheap liquor and musk.

"Shut it Hawke!" My face was flushed when we entered the Hanged Man. I tugged at my tunic. It felt odd to walk around without my armor. We spotted Aveline in a small corner and went to where she was. She jumped when Fenris and Hawke sat down. She fidgeted with her drink.

"Donnic should be getting here any time soon. Nia I'll come when it's time. Now go." Aveline shooing me away from the table. Hawke shook with silent laughter and Fenris sighed. I saw Varric walk over with a wink at me before going to sit with Aveline. She chose a good spot to not be seen. As I looked at the main entrance, I saw Donnic come in and enter. I sighed and saw where Donnic sat down. I took a deep breath and walked over to his table.

"Evening Guardsman, is this seat taken?" I smiled, trying to not show my irritation.

"No go ahead." He chuckled. Nora came by with a bottle and some cups. I took one immediately and poured for both of us.

"It's been a while since we got drinks like this." I reminisced, nearly chugging at my drink.

"A few months ago yes." Donnic chuckled.

"That was when I tossed you over my shoulder right?" I wondered.

"No I believe it was when you made me buckle my knees and then slapped my ass with a sword, on the flat side no less." Donnic recounted.

"Oh right, that's how I did it! The other guards kept on making remarks about that." I laughed. That was a funny story.

"At least you didn't shove it up there." Donnic chuckled. I downed another cup. "Now about that story…"

"Curiosity got your tongue huh? Don't say I didn't warn you." I recounted my tale of the Deep Trenches, of Hespith, of what the darkspawn do to woman, about what they need from them. His face got paler as the tale went on. I embellished the details slightly on how the Broodmother actually looked like. The face he had on was priceless. "That's why they need the woman. The men get the mercy of either getting eaten or becoming a ghoul. Woman…they aren't so lucky."

"Sweet Andraste why did I even ask?" Donnic looked green and pale. I did warn him. I laughed, drinking my fifth cup.

"Oh the bottle is finished." I moaned, slightly getting the dizziness from the alcohol.

"I'll get another." Donnic offered, getting up.

"No, no. I'd rather have my head the right way when I head up to Hightown later. Now, down to the real bit. I have something to talk to you about." I stopped him and he sat back down.

"Go on." Donnic nodded, sipping what was left in his cup.

"Aveline." I said bluntly. He nearly spat out his drink.

"Pardon?" His voice grew higher.

"Aveline. What do you think of her? I noticed how you look at her from time to time in the barracks. She's my friend. I want to know what you want from her." I crossed my arms. I wasn't following protocol but I know how-. I had to push. Donnic cleared his throat and tapped on the table nervously.

"That is…well a personal matter and…" Donnic's face grew redder as he gave me a weak excuse. I glared at him while raising my eyebrow. "You really want to know, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do." I stood my ground. He sighed in defeat.

"She is a beautiful and strong woman. Courageous and not afraid of standing up for what is right. The Guards often complain about her rigidity but I think that is just a part of her charm. To see her on the field, putting down bandits and thugs, upholding the law, it's…breathtaking." Donnic confessed, a loving smile on his face and redness on his cheeks. I could only guess that he feels that rise in his heart while talking to her. For some odd reason it made me more irritated.

"Then what are you waiting for? Sweep her off her feet." I tapped on the table.

"It's…not that easy." Donnic rubbed his face.

"Jesus Christ, yes it is. Donnic we are all adults here. We can do adult confessions." I snapped and pushed again.

"She is the Guard Captain." Donnic argued, furrowing his brows in worry.

"No you are looking at this all wrong. You are putting yourself in this position because you're afraid of what you might lose. You just need to go up there and tell her your feelings, straight up. What have you got to lose?" I reasoned, leaning into the table, glaring at him.

"My job." He stated softly.

"Urgh, you are hopeless." I said, rubbing my face. He chuckled softly.

"I just don't want to lose what we have now. Thank you for this Nia. Will you need an escort home?" Donnic got up. He must have noticed my dizziness.

"No, no. I got a few friends here. I'll see you around Donnic. Think about what I said." I said seriously. He nodded and went out. I scratched the table in annoyance before I saw Aveline walk over to where I was. She fidgeted with her gloves.

"Well? What did he say?" She asked nervously.

"Nothing much other than the fact that you are both idiots." I didn't care at this point. I was going to speak my mind.

"What do you expect me to do Nia? I couldn't do it!" Aveline excused her self.

"Knives just went through this opportunity for you and you can't muster up the courage to do anything?" Varric came up and sat down at my table, bring in another bottle of which I quickly grabbed another drink and chugged.

"I freeze up! Really the only time I'm not a mess is during patrol. Killing highwaymen isn't one for romantic banter." Aveline argued.

"You are running away and are squandering an opportunity to get closer to him." Fenris came and crossed his arms. Aveline groaned.

"Do it then. Assign a patrol for you and him." I said, downing another drink. "I'll clear the way if need be."

"I can't risk you just so I can-" Aveline started.

"Aveline, you made this my problem when you couldn't go up to him and tell him the truth. I'm fixing this whether you like it or not." I stood up rapidly and punched the table. Aveline and I glared for a while before she relented.

"Fine then. You clear the way while I…go and completely make a fool of myself." Aveline sighed, walking out of the Hanged Man. I got another drink in me.

"Whoa Knives, going there a little strong aren't we?" Varric wondered.

"I needed that. I can still see clearly." I groaned.

"Are you sure? How many fingers am I holding up?" Hawke wrapped her arm around me and showed me her fist.

"Don't be a jerk about it Hawke." I shrugged off her arm.

"At least you recognize me. Now about this mystery man…" She tried again. I scowled.

"Up yours. I'm going home." I tripped and landed on my knees. "Ow." The alcohol was definitely getting to me.

"Here." Fenris offered his hand.

"No." I pushed it away, wanting to get up on my own.

"Do not be foolish now. You can't even walk straight." Fenris argued.

"Like hell I can't." I said, standing up again and rubbing my knees. "I'm fine." I mumbled.

"I will make sure she gets home safely." Fenris sighed and rubbed his face.

"Don't have too much fun without us!" Hawke laughed, settling in a table with Varric. Fenris led me by my arm but I took it away from him as soon as we got outside.

"I'm fine." I think I was slurring my words at this point.

"You are drunk." Fenris stated.

"You've never seen me drunk so how can you know I'm drunk." I reasoned.

"I can smell it on your breath." Fenris scoffed.

"So?" I shrugged, taking the lead back to Hightown.

"You are drunk." Fenris stated again.

"Says the drunkard." I rolled my eyes. I made sure my pace wasn't fast as the world seemed to spin.

"What is troubling you?" Fenris asked sincerely. I looked at him for a second before looking away and focusing on trying to walk.

"Absolutely nothing." I mumbled.

"No there is something bothering you about all of this with Aveline and the man you seem to care for." Fenris said, grabbing my arm again.

"Why do you care?" I tried to take my arm back but Fenris had a vice grip on it.

"I care for your mental well-being." Fenris said.

"Hmph." I looked down at the ground, trying to avoid looking him in the eyes.

"Nia will you look at me?" Fenris pulled me towards him. I kept my eyes to the ground.

"Can't we go home? I don't want to think about anything right now." I whispered. Not only that the drink was making me…think things.

"Very well." Fenris held onto my arm, nearly dragging me toward the steps to go into Hightown. His hand strayed downward as we got closer to the mansion to my forearm and then to my wrist.

So I did the stupid thing and held his hand. I kept my eyes to the ground even when he stopped for a second. I probably shouldn't have drank so much but that was my own frustration coming out. The good thing was that he didn't say anything, even when we went inside and our fingers were intertwined. I let go finally though in the main hall.

"Thank you." I couldn't even look up to meet his eyes. I just grabbed on the railing and went straight up to my room but even with the alcohol I couldn't stop thinking about his hand. I grabbed his hand, his fingers and mind were intertwined. I rolled around in bed trying and hoping to sleep but nope. Since I couldn't sleep so I wrote this. Damn you heart!

9:34 Drakonis 25th

I drank that God awful tea that Anders gave me a while ago to stave off the small hangover I had. I banged my head on the table in the kitchen. The sun rays coming in and stinging my eyes. I saw myself in the bathroom and they were red. I shouldn't have drank so much.

"Yuck." I muttered. I kept on thinking about what I did last night. The hand holding…the hand holding! My face flushed from remembering it. I wondered if Fenris got the signs. Did he know and was playing along or did he really didn't think it was him? I had no idea.

"It sounds like you had a rough night." Said the person who was causing all this frustration and guilt at the doorway.

"I will never drink at the Hanged Man ever again." I groaned.

"That is what you say all the time and yet you manage to go ahead and drink there time and time again." Fenris chuckled. I had to keep my eyes away or else I'd be staring at him all day.

"Well, now that I got that in me, let's go meet Aveline." I sighed, getting up and avoiding his gaze.

"Nia are you sure you are all right?" He asked right behind me. I wanted to tell him everything but I was sober now and chose not to.

"Fenris just…" I started.

"Leave you alone. I know." Fenris scoffed.

"Don't get mad." I said, following him out toward the main hall.

"I am not angry." He snapped.

"Then what was that growl?" I raised my eyebrow.

"You are keeping things away from me again." Fenris mumbled.

"I'm not allowed to have secrets anymore?" I snapped.

"It is not that." Fenris looked back at me.

"Then what is it Fenris?" I glared up at him. He glared at me before it became softer. I turned away before he could see the color rising in my cheeks.

"Aveline handed me some spare armor for you. It is right by the armor stand." Fenris mumbled before going up to his room. I sighed and rubbed my cheeks. Stupid redness. I put on the armor and got my daggers. I passed by him and he followed me out. It was a tense but…knowing silence. It was like we were one step away from…well anyway.

We went up to the Keep. Aveline was there as well as Hawke and Varric. Hawke gave me a playful smile but I passed by her and went to Aveline's side. She had a map laid out in front of her.

"Good now that all of you are here…these are the points where the bandits should be at. Clear the way, light the signal fire to alert me that you are done and maybe I won't end up looking like a fool." Aveline sighed.

"Clearly you are already doing that." Hawke chuckled.

"Go ahead on your patrol Aveline. We'll head up to Sundermount right after you." I agreed. Aveline sighed and nodded. "Deep breaths Captain." She went out and I heard her talk to Donnic right near the doorway.

"Nia you sure you're ok? You look a bit flushed." Hawke teased.

"I'm fine." I gave her a side long glared.

"You're not feverish are you Knives?" Varric asked.

"I said I'm fine!" I snapped. Hawke and Varric gave each other a look. I let out an aggravated sigh. "I'm sorry. I had a rough night." I rubbed at my face.

"She has a hangover." Fenris quickly added.

"You finally drank yourself under the table?" Hawke chuckled.

"Tch, yeah right. Give me some dwarven ale and that might put me under." I shrugged. Varric laughed.

"How did you get such a craving for that shit is beyond me." Varric shook his head.

"My friend Oghren makes good liquor. Anyway, I think that's enough waiting for now. Let's go." I said, leading them out of the office.

"You think Aveline will botch this up more than the Hanged Man?" Hawke asked.

"One way to find out." I said. We went out of the Keep and on toward the main gates out of Lowtown. We kept a healthy distance away from Aveline and Donnic who both looked very focused. I had to keep my mind on them and not on Fenris. My face grew hotter the more I thought about what I did last night.

We lost sight of them entering the Wounded Coast. We went up the trail to where one of the points where. Sure enough there were a few wild mabari. My heart hurt every single time I had to put them down but they were wild. There were four in front of us. Varric let out a barrage of arrows that got to all of them. Fenris put one out of its misery. More came in from around us. Hawke pushed a few down toward the ground. I came in and got their necks before one grabbed onto my forearm.

Varric's arrow took care of that one. Fenris did a low sweep with his sword and cut a few more down. I kicked one in the muzzle and smashed another's windpipe. Hawke pushed the last one out down the cliff.

"Let's see what the Guard Captain has to say to Donnic shall we?" Hawke said, lighting the signal fire. Smoke rose in to the air and we all got down on our knees to see Aveline and Donnic walking toward us. I sat back slightly and felt a hand on my shoulder. Fenris gave me a look but I went back to focusing on Aveline. Focus good, Fenris bad!

"The route is quiet today, isn't it?" Donnic asked.

"True and…a very lovely afternoon as well!" Aveline added awkwardly. Ouch, that was…bad.

"Of course Guard Captain." Donnic chuckled. I face palmed. I saw Aveline mutter to herself. Mostly likely 'Yes, Guard Captain.'

"Even I felt that. Maker she's bad at this." Hawke whispered.

"Let's go to the next one." I said, moving away from the spot. We continued down the path where we saw a few raiders near the next one. I jumped onto one, shoving my dagger in his throat before doing a chest punch on another that ran toward me. I did a leg sweep on two before Hawke pushed down the next four. Varric shot at them while they were still on the ground and Fenris battled with two. I sank in my daggers into one of Fenris' enemies in their back while he finished the other.

Four more came around the rocks. I tackled one into the rock face and pushed my dagger up their chin. I jumped back from an archer's arrow while he was flown across the ground, down the cliff. The last two were picked off by Varric and Fenris.

"Let's see round number two then." I said, lighting the signal fire. They got nearer and I heard Aveline go on a tangent about swords. I held my head in my hands while the others groaned slightly.

"Dear Maker, she wasn't kidding when she said she was bad at this." Varric whispered.

"God this would be so easy if she just told him how she felt like!" I harshly whispered. "Exactly how hard is it to just say, 'I'm in love with you?'"

"And when was the last time you said those words?" Hawke asked.

"…More than seven years ago." I pouted.

"Don't you think it would be hard now?" Hawke elbowed me suggestively.

"This isn't about me!" I harshly whispered, my face getting redder.

"I'm sorry Captain I drifted off a bit." Donnic said.

"Oh right. Let's continue then." Aveline sighed, the disappointment clear on her face.

"That was painful to watch." Hawke said.

"Ugh! If this keeps going I'm putting this in my own hands damn it." I said, standing up.

"And how would you do that Knives?" Varric wondered.

"Tell him the truth obviously." I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, let's see if we can salvage this."

"You are so aggressive about this. Maybe because you want the same opportunity with our mystery man?" Hawke nonchalantly checked her nails and her eyes glistened with mischievousness.

"Be quiet Hawke." I mumbled. She chuckled. We went down the path toward the last signal fire. More raiders. I didn't waste time and touched the power inside of me. I let out a breath and sprinted toward the raiders. I saw the perfect moments where I could slash and cut their throats, where to stab at their weak spots in their armor. I killed four before I let go and Hawke pushed on the last three with Varric and Fenris taking the opportunity to kill them as they were down.

Three more came out of the path with a mage along side then. I ran past the raiders and sank my dagger into the mage's throat before it could cast spells. The three focused their attention on me but I ducked behind a rock before hearing Bianca go off on them. I saw that Fenris disposed of them quickly before going and lighting the fire again while wiping off a nosebleed.

"Well this was a fairly routine patrol wasn't it?" Aveline said going down the path. Oh no, I wasn't going to deal with this anymore.

"Oh for God's sake! That is it." I went down toward them.

"This…Nia? Fancy seeing you here." Aveline faked being surprised. I glared at her.

"I know right, Guard Captain Aveline?" I stressed at her name.

"Nia, don't you dare." Aveline pointed at me.

"What is going on here?" Donnic wondered.

"Listen to me closely here Donnic; Aveline is madly in love with you. It's the reason why she's been so odd around you, why I asked you to the Hanged Man, and why I went out and cleared the path just so she can find some way to tell you. But because she chose to squander this opportunity and not do anything, I might as well be blunt about it! There, now go and kiss and finally have a Goddamn adult love moment!" I shouted, my face heating up so much.

"…I have to go back to the barracks." Donnic sighed, taking the other way to go back to the city. My heart dropped in guilt but I knew how this was going to end. Meanwhile, Aveline's face grew as red as her hair but out of anger.

"You had to push didn't you? Now he'll ask for a transfer, never speak to me again! I want you at the Keep now, on the double Nia!" Aveline yelled, shoving me aside.

"You'll thank me later!" I shouted at her.

"Sod off!" Aveline shouted back. My eyes widened at that before feeling that cool regret set it. The others came down with the path, Varric with a playful smile, Hawke smirking, and Fenris shaking his head.

"…I had a stupid moment didn't I?" I admitted and face palmed.

"Only one way to find out Knives." Varric laughed.

"Oh my God! We had this planned out and everything! Why is it so damn hard confessing to someone!?" I growled in frustration.

"Pardon but are we talking about Aveline or you here?" Hawke chuckled.

"This isn't about me ok?! This is about a woman in love that has a chance to actually do something about it! Aveline has the opportunity to be happy standing right in front of her and she won't take it! She's not burdened by anything! She can go ahead and love someone!" I snapped again, my voice breaking in the end. My eyes fogged up for a moment as they all looked at me shocked. I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes. "Well…on to the Keep then." I bit my lip as I tried to swallow the lump developing in my throat.

"Knives, no one is telling you, you can't fall in love with someone." Varric grabbed my hand gently.

"It's been seven years since your banishment. Don't you think that's long enough to wait for someone?" Hawke asked sincerely, that playfulness was gone and instead she was sincerely worried.

"No one asked for your opinions!" I swatted Varric's hand away and walked back toward Kirkwall.

"You are held back by your husband but he is gone. Didn't say that he most likely has found someone?" Hawke reasoned.

"I said that he would be going ahead and having sex. That isn't the same as loving someone. Loving someone is an emotional bond. It's selfish." I reasoned.

"Then be selfish Knives. Find your mystery man, throw yourself at his feet!" Varric did a dramatic flourish.

"No. This ring-" I started.

"Is a burden just as you said." Hawke countered. My heart was racing and their eyes seemed to judge me. I was rooted at the spot and I was afraid at saying something I would regret.

"Stop twisting my words!" I shouted.

"Knives-" Varric started. I had enough.

"Fine you all want to know so bad!? I am in love with someone ok!? I think about them, I think about touching them, doing nice things with them, I even freaking dream about being with them but I fucking can't ok!?" I lashed out. I panted, slightly whimpered at the confession. Varric and Hawke's faces were ones of guilt and shame. A few tears came down my face and I wiped them away. Fenris crossed his arms and glared at them.

"Are you two happy now?" Fenris glowered at them.

"Whatever, I'm going back." I sniffled, power walking back to the Keep, my head low.

"Nia, wait. I'm sorry I know I shouldn't push but-" Hawke grabbed my forearm to make me stop.

"Please leave me alone." I said softly.

"You deserve to be happy too you know?" Hawke sighed. I didn't say anything back. I walked at the end of the group, looking at the ground. I could tell that all of them were looking at me with worry. It was awkward and tense when we got back into the city. I took a breath and rubbed my face. We went up to the Keep.

"Time to see how the Captain crashes and burns right?" Varric said. None of us said anything. He let out a long drawn out breath. I opened the door and I saw Aveline pacing in front of her office.

"There you are. Have any of you seen Donnic? I've been waiting here for Maker knows how long. I need to make a formal apology before this gets out to the Viscount. Something that will show the guards respect." Aveline panted in worry.

"Aveline you're a woman not a golem. You have these things called emotions." I said, rubbing my eyes.

"This is your fault Nia." Aveline snapped. I scowled.

"Oh that is plain offensive." I retorted.

"I should have never let you do this." Aveline punched at her desk.

"Aveline you're a woman and you fell for someone. That isn't a crime." Hawke said.

"And it won't happen again, mark my words I-" Aveline started.

"Nia, Serah Hawke." Donnic said, coming in the office. I nodded at him. "I'm sorry to cut this conversation short but I need a word with the Guard Captain."

"Guardsman Donnic?" The blood rushed out of Aveline's face.

"Please." Donnic insisted. Aveline motioned for us to leave and she closed the door. Hawke and Varric were immediately at the door, ears straining to hear anything. I shook my head at their antics. Hawke did an 'oh' face and cleared her throat gently.

"I think…we're not needed here anymore." Hawke giggled, shoving me slightly.

"About time too." I mumbled.

"Remind me not to do that ever again." Varric rubbed his face. "I'm going to the Hanged Man. Anyone want to get any drinks?"

"Pass." I sighed.

"I'll take you up on that offer." Hawke chuckled.

"I…need to take care of something." Fenris said. They all left while I waited by the door. It eventually opened and Donnic came out. He noticed me and nodded.

"Well…I should have taken your advice earlier." He chuckled while sauntering out. I went in and Aveline was barely putting on her ascot.

"Well…he didn't ask for a transfer." Aveline chuckled, the stress in her face was gone.

"I can see that." I smirked.

"Thank you again for making me do something stupid. I'm sorry for saying it was your fault. This was…the best thing that has happened to me in a long time…Can I ask you something?" Aveline fidgeted with her gloves.

"Sure." I shrugged.

"Was there any time when you thought I was beyond help?" Aveline asked.

"Several times actually." I smiled and nodded. Aveline laughed.

"Ok, I'll let you have that one. I apologize too about…well, they know that you-" Aveline started put I raised my hand up to stop her.

"Not about him specifically no but yes, they know that I have feelings for someone." I sighed and bit my lip.

"I was…rash. I shouldn't have said anything." Aveline looked down. I shrugged.

"There's nothing you can do Aveline. It happened. I'm going home. Aveline congratulations." I said from the door.

"Thank you Nia. I will always be there for you just…knock first." Aveline laughed. I laughed as I got out of the Keep.

I was exhausted and starving. Stupid Aveline made me waste my whole day. I went back to the mansion, cracking my back. I wanted this day to be over when I smelled something so good I almost drooled. I went to put away my things and went downstairs. I leaned against the doorway as I saw Fenris cooking. My stomach flipped again. He looked at me and smirked.

"Hungry?" Fenris smirked.

"Starving." I said softly, looking at the ground with my face growing red.

"I apologize for not stopping Hawke and Varric." Fenris said.

"Don't worry about it." I said, getting the eggs he cooked.

"I will…wait until you are ready to tell me." Fenris said softly. There were more than one insinuations in that sentence. My face was damn red. I felt it and I stuffed my face. Fenris laughed at my full cheeks. I swallowed the lump.

This was getting out of control.

Damn it all I was in love with Fenris.

* * *

 **And this is where I'll stop for now. The rewrite is now up and it's called DAYS OF OUR START! Please read! This will be on break for now!**

 **Shout out to AmberJF(Thank you for all your reviews!), DimmaDan, UzamakiSeiren, and XInsanityXGuiltechXShadowwindX for favoriting/following!**

 **Chimera Spyke:** _I think I read somewhere that she did encounter something along those lines one time and Flemeth helped her clan but besides that I'm not sure. And yep and we will eventually get to that._  
 **AmberJF:** _lol Thank you for all the reviews but you can find out more in the rewrite of my first story if you're interested :3  
_ **AgentMaine49:** _The reason why I'm doing this is to tie up a lot of loose ends as well as a major plot hole later on that I have to address in the future. It will all make sense._

 **Thank you Undeadhero143 and Writer Of This Story for reviewing! Please review and read the rewrite! :D**


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